Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Hey everyone, it's Michelle Williams. Have you ever been in a toxic friendship or relationship or a work relationship that leaves you drained? Well, guess what, you don't have to throw that relationship away. I've got an amazing guest who will share some great insight into something I know we can all relate to, and it's coming up right now on Checking In with Michelle Williams. Today theme of Checking In is about relationships. I've had to do some assessing of myself, my behaviors as it comes to relationships. I've also had to be more intentional about preserving relationships, more intentional about even putting myself out there to connect with people. Because if you are like me, you like to stay in the house, You like to be a homebody. You just like to connect with your favorite TV show or your favorite podcast. You don't want to be bothered with anybody. And some of you, you probably are like that, because maybe you've experienced some betrayal, or maybe you feel like everybody that you come in contact with or are in relationship, maybe you feel like they're always trying to compete with you, or maybe you feel like in relationships maybe they're not reciprocated, so you feel like it's just best for you to just be to yourself. But I want to encourage you, and I want to let you know that we are meant to connect. We are meant to connect with other humans. Now it is up to us to continue. What we'll learn today is that we have to discern people in our lives and where to place them. I'm also learning to treat people in relationships the way I would want to be treated. But I also have to know that I can't expect everybody to be like me. As the saying says, you can't expect you from somebody else. So sometimes even going into relationships, I'm learning that I am taking a risk, and not just in romantic relationships. I am taking a risk to possibly be hurt. I'm taking a risk to possibly be betrayed or lied on or compete. But that's where I say you have to assess the people that you are in relationship with. You know, maybe they're not so much on the front seat of your life. Maybe they're just kind of in the middle balcony and then some people are in the nosebleed seats, and then some people they just outside of the arena looking in. But there is a way to handle people, because it's the law of reciprocity or sowing and reaping. You will reap everything that you saw. You might not reap it ten minutes from now, you might not reap it ten months from now. But just know whatever sees you so relationally, you will get it back. So just continue to listen in for the rest of this podcast. I am absolutely excited to introduce this phenomenal person, this next guest of mine, doctor Darius Daniels. I'm gonna read off everything that I know about him. He is founder and pastor of Change Church, multiple locations. I love that he is a certified coach and I feel his teachings, everything that he shares is so versatile. He can go from the church to the corporate boardroom. A Bachelor of Political Science from Millsaps College in Jackson, Mississippi, a Masters of Divinity from Princeton, and he got his doctorates from Fuller University. Also author of an amazing book that has been changing me, relational Intelligence. This is his newest book titled Relational Intelligence. Everybody, I want you to welcome my brother, my friend, doctor Darius Daniels. Doctor Daniels, thank you so much for joining me.

Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Hey everyone, it's Michelle Williams. Have you ever been in a toxic friendship or relationship or a work relationship that leaves you drained? Well, guess what, you don't have to throw that relationship away. I've got an amazing guest who will share some great insight into something I know we can all relate to, and it's coming up right now on Checking In with Michelle Williams. Today theme of Checking In is about relationships. I've had to do some assessing of myself, my behaviors as it comes to relationships. I've also had to be more intentional about preserving relationships, more intentional about even putting myself out there to connect with people. Because if you are like me, you like to stay in the house, You like to be a homebody. You just like to connect with your favorite TV show or your favorite podcast. You don't want to be bothered with anybody. And some of you, you probably are like that, because maybe you've experienced some betrayal, or maybe you feel like everybody that you come in contact with or are in relationship, maybe you feel like they're always trying to compete with you, or maybe you feel like in relationships maybe they're not reciprocated, so you feel like it's just best for you to just be to yourself. But I want to encourage you, and I want to let you know that we are meant to connect. We are meant to connect with other humans. Now it is up to us to continue. What we'll learn today is that we have to discern people in our lives and where to place them. I'm also learning to treat people in relationships the way I would want to be treated. But I also have to know that I can't expect everybody to be like me. As the saying says, you can't expect you from somebody else. So sometimes even going into relationships, I'm learning that I am taking a risk, and not just in romantic relationships. I am taking a risk to possibly be hurt. I'm taking a risk to possibly be betrayed or lied on or compete. But that's where I say you have to assess the people that you are in relationship with. You know, maybe they're not so much on the front seat of your life. Maybe they're just kind of in the middle balcony and then some people are in the nosebleed seats, and then some people they just outside of the arena looking in. But there is a way to handle people, because it's the law of reciprocity or sowing and reaping. You will reap everything that you saw. You might not reap it ten minutes from now, you might not reap it ten months from now. But just know whatever sees you so relationally, you will get it back. So just continue to listen in for the rest of this podcast. I am absolutely excited to introduce this phenomenal person, this next guest of mine, doctor Darius Daniels. I'm gonna read off everything that I know about him. He is founder and pastor of Change Church, multiple locations. I love that he is a certified coach and I feel his teachings, everything that he shares is so versatile. He can go from the church to the corporate boardroom. A Bachelor of Political Science from Millsaps College in Jackson, Mississippi, a Masters of Divinity from Princeton, and he got his doctorates from Fuller University. Also author of an amazing book that has been changing me, relational Intelligence. This is his newest book titled Relational Intelligence. Everybody, I want you to welcome my brother, my friend, doctor Darius Daniels. Doctor Daniels, thank you so much for joining me.

Thank you for having me. Michelle, I'm excited to be here. I don't know, I think I owe you some money for that introduction.

Thank you for having me. Michelle, I'm excited to be here. I don't know, I think I owe you some money for that introduction.

Well, first of all, we can be very humble in accomplishments and things on your resume, but every now and then it is good to know your accomplishments and everything that you have come through. You know everything that you are, and it's good to let somebody else talk about.

Well, first of all, we can be very humble in accomplishments and things on your resume, but every now and then it is good to know your accomplishments and everything that you have come through. You know everything that you are, and it's good to let somebody else talk about.

You all the dime.

You all the dime.

I just feel like I wrote a bunch of papers. But I'm glad to be on the podcast with you.

I just feel like I wrote a bunch of papers. But I'm glad to be on the podcast with you.

Though. This is exciting, This is epic.

Though. This is exciting, This is epic.

Listen, it truly truly is. And I'm gonna speak what I'm supposed to say at the end, and that is I know you're gonna come back because we got a lot to unpack everything regarding your book. Relational Intelligence can probably take up twenty five episodes, and we only have a few moments with us right now, but we can go on and on. I'm grateful for my relationship with you and Shamika and how we get to talk about things. We unloaded some things the other day and I was like, man, I wish we had audio on record, because this is some great stuff. And I think as far as your book, Relational Intelligence, I think people think, you know, when we talk about relationships, we automatically assume romantic relationships and personal relationsistionships. But you go on to teach us about how to be in business relationships and just relational just relationships period with friends, and your book definitely taught me. Okay, I got to do better in this area because you can be so great in your career, but you can suck at being a friend. You could suck at how you do business. So that's what we are going to dive in today, Relational Intelligence. Please tell us the inspiration of you writing this book, all.

Listen, it truly truly is. And I'm gonna speak what I'm supposed to say at the end, and that is I know you're gonna come back because we got a lot to unpack everything regarding your book. Relational Intelligence can probably take up twenty five episodes, and we only have a few moments with us right now, but we can go on and on. I'm grateful for my relationship with you and Shamika and how we get to talk about things. We unloaded some things the other day and I was like, man, I wish we had audio on record, because this is some great stuff. And I think as far as your book, Relational Intelligence, I think people think, you know, when we talk about relationships, we automatically assume romantic relationships and personal relationsistionships. But you go on to teach us about how to be in business relationships and just relational just relationships period with friends, and your book definitely taught me. Okay, I got to do better in this area because you can be so great in your career, but you can suck at being a friend. You could suck at how you do business. So that's what we are going to dive in today, Relational Intelligence. Please tell us the inspiration of you writing this book, all.

Right, So I would say this, The inspiration is kind of twofold. So one is experiences that I had in my personal life. Two is observations I was making in my professional life. And this is what I saw personally and professionally. People's greatest joy and greatest pain was coming from the same place, and that's their relationships. One hundred percent. I saw this greatest joy, greatest pain was coming from relationships. Now, I experienced some of this in my own life, and then I just saw it with the people I was leading and serving that no matter what accomplishments they achieved, no matter what possessions they acquire, at some point that new thing got old, that extraordinary thing got familiar.

Right, So I would say this, The inspiration is kind of twofold. So one is experiences that I had in my personal life. Two is observations I was making in my professional life. And this is what I saw personally and professionally. People's greatest joy and greatest pain was coming from the same place, and that's their relationships. One hundred percent. I saw this greatest joy, greatest pain was coming from relationships. Now, I experienced some of this in my own life, and then I just saw it with the people I was leading and serving that no matter what accomplishments they achieved, no matter what possessions they acquire, at some point that new thing got old, that extraordinary thing got familiar.

But what really provided like long lasting joy.

But what really provided like long lasting joy.

And fulfillment when it came to people's lives and even in my life personally, was this area of relationships. And so I just kind of felt like in my experience and what I observed an experience of others, many people kind of managed relationships emotionally. And I'm not saying that we shouldn't be engaged emotionally in relationships. We should, but in the car relationships, my point is this, put the emotions in the car, just don't let them drive the small point. So that's what really kind of birthed the book. Man, It's just been something that's helped me and we just we're grateful that it's helping a lot of other people too.

And fulfillment when it came to people's lives and even in my life personally, was this area of relationships. And so I just kind of felt like in my experience and what I observed an experience of others, many people kind of managed relationships emotionally. And I'm not saying that we shouldn't be engaged emotionally in relationships. We should, but in the car relationships, my point is this, put the emotions in the car, just don't let them drive the small point. So that's what really kind of birthed the book. Man, It's just been something that's helped me and we just we're grateful that it's helping a lot of other people too.

You talk about how your greatest gives walk into your life on two legs, and that's just kind of I guess piggybacking off of what you were talking about. Your greatest joys and some of your greatest pains come from relationships. And I want to dive into when you're talking about how we can let our emotions drive you say intellectual capacity plus emotional capacity equal relational intelligence. So as far as the emotions, I think that's I think a lot of relationships can be saved and or repaired if we can get our emotions in order. What's the number one thing emotionally that you think happens that can destroy a relationship?

You talk about how your greatest gives walk into your life on two legs, and that's just kind of I guess piggybacking off of what you were talking about. Your greatest joys and some of your greatest pains come from relationships. And I want to dive into when you're talking about how we can let our emotions drive you say intellectual capacity plus emotional capacity equal relational intelligence. So as far as the emotions, I think that's I think a lot of relationships can be saved and or repaired if we can get our emotions in order. What's the number one thing emotionally that you think happens that can destroy a relationship?

Oh, one percent is one thing that well, I'm gonna say one hundred percent in terms of every case, but in my mind, one hundred percent that's percent. Something that sticks out above the rest is this is trauma. And when I say trauma, I don't mean just extreme cases of abuse or exploitation anything like that. But this is what I say. Bad experiences that people have in relationships in the past sabotage general relationships in the present. It's like somebody else did the crime, but you make people in your life currently due to time. You know, I don't think people are evil when that happens, you know, I just think they're human.

Oh, one percent is one thing that well, I'm gonna say one hundred percent in terms of every case, but in my mind, one hundred percent that's percent. Something that sticks out above the rest is this is trauma. And when I say trauma, I don't mean just extreme cases of abuse or exploitation anything like that. But this is what I say. Bad experiences that people have in relationships in the past sabotage general relationships in the present. It's like somebody else did the crime, but you make people in your life currently due to time. You know, I don't think people are evil when that happens, you know, I just think they're human.

And we haven't necessarily been given.

And we haven't necessarily been given.

The tools on how to respond in a healthy way to betrayal. How do I respond when I've been used? How do I respond when I've been exploited? How do I respond when I've been taken for granted? Because you don't want to mismanage the people that are coming into your life to be a blessing, yes, because of your experience with people in the past that have been a burden.

The tools on how to respond in a healthy way to betrayal. How do I respond when I've been used? How do I respond when I've been exploited? How do I respond when I've been taken for granted? Because you don't want to mismanage the people that are coming into your life to be a blessing, yes, because of your experience with people in the past that have been a burden.

And you you also say that perfect relationships do not exist.

And you you also say that perfect relationships do not exist.

No, absolutely not.

No, absolutely not.

Now, this book is not necessarily about romantic relationships, but we can apply it to romantic relationships in the sense that in the initial stages of like a romantic relationship, it's like, oh my god, this person is perfect. That infatuation stage, you just intoxicated emotionally.

Now, this book is not necessarily about romantic relationships, but we can apply it to romantic relationships in the sense that in the initial stages of like a romantic relationship, it's like, oh my god, this person is perfect. That infatuation stage, you just intoxicated emotionally.

They can't do anything wrong.

They can't do anything wrong.

Yes, Yes, all of.

Yes, Yes, all of.

A sudden, your eyes started opening, you start seeing issues and tendencies.

A sudden, your eyes started opening, you start seeing issues and tendencies.

You're like, wait a minute, this person changed them.

You're like, wait a minute, this person changed them.

It's like, nah, they didn't change, just another part of them that had been exposed got revealed. Everybody's imperfect. You know, relationships don't break themselves. There's no such thing as a broken relationship. We break relationships because we're broken people.

It's like, nah, they didn't change, just another part of them that had been exposed got revealed. Everybody's imperfect. You know, relationships don't break themselves. There's no such thing as a broken relationship. We break relationships because we're broken people.

Mm hm.

Mm hm.

And so there's a difference between an imperfect relationship and an unhealthy one.

And so there's a difference between an imperfect relationship and an unhealthy one.

So I don't want people to confuse what I'm saying there.

So I don't want people to confuse what I'm saying there.

There's no such thing as a perfect relationship, So just because it's imperfect doesn't mean you should abandon it.

There's no such thing as a perfect relationship, So just because it's imperfect doesn't mean you should abandon it.

Like, I believe, all people are equally valuable.

Like, I believe, all people are equally valuable.

So whether you off the street or on Wall Street, nobody's more valuable than another person. But here it is, Michelle, Here it is a lot of people have trouble wrap their head around this, though.

So whether you off the street or on Wall Street, nobody's more valuable than another person. But here it is, Michelle, Here it is a lot of people have trouble wrap their head around this, though.

Help us wrap, help us rapid.

Help us wrap, help us rapid.

Everybody doesn't add equal value to you, Like everybody's equally valuable, but everybody doesn't add equal value to you.

Everybody doesn't add equal value to you, Like everybody's equally valuable, but everybody doesn't add equal value to you.

Okay, y'all write that down.

Okay, y'all write that down.

Yeah, So the point that I'm making is somebody can be imperfect and invaluable at the same time. So it's like, it's like my wife, Man, I noticed I was a kid, so I met nineteen twenty years old.

Yeah, So the point that I'm making is somebody can be imperfect and invaluable at the same time. So it's like, it's like my wife, Man, I noticed I was a kid, so I met nineteen twenty years old.

Here's my point.

Here's my point.

Though, I realize that if God forbid something that would have happened to her and we are together, I can't replace that in twenty four hours.

Though, I realize that if God forbid something that would have happened to her and we are together, I can't replace that in twenty four hours.

No, I can't. I can't. I can find somebody to day.

No, I can't. I can't. I can find somebody to day.

You know, I can find somebody pretty, but everything she brings I can't replace that. So although everybody's equally valuable, everybody doesn't add equal value to me. So just because something is imperfect doesn't mean it is invaluable. And when it's invaluable, man, you can't just abandon it. You got to learn how to manage it and navigate it, fix it, restore it. But again, I want to emphasize because I know people saying what you're saying if I'm in a crazy No, I'm not saying that there's a difference between it being imperfect and unhealthy. But just because it's imperfect, that means it is not a unique value. And some people are just hard to replace.

You know, I can find somebody pretty, but everything she brings I can't replace that. So although everybody's equally valuable, everybody doesn't add equal value to me. So just because something is imperfect doesn't mean it is invaluable. And when it's invaluable, man, you can't just abandon it. You got to learn how to manage it and navigate it, fix it, restore it. But again, I want to emphasize because I know people saying what you're saying if I'm in a crazy No, I'm not saying that there's a difference between it being imperfect and unhealthy. But just because it's imperfect, that means it is not a unique value. And some people are just hard to replace.

Come on, some people are just hard to replace. And i'd like to think that I'm one of those people absolutely hard to replace. You know what I'm saying. It's something that you were saying about I cannot replace you, or how I feel like I'm irreplaceable. But there's a portion of your book where you talk about elimination and that there is a proper way, and y'all have to buy the book. Can I read something that you said about elimination sure, you say, a criteria for elimination is simple when maintaining the relationship in any form or category is no longer in the best interests of the person involved. It's kind of product, it's emotionally toxic. So there are times where you can eliminate a relationship. It's just in the how. And while I'm on that, we're talking about elimination. What is your thought on boundary setting versus ghosting?

Come on, some people are just hard to replace. And i'd like to think that I'm one of those people absolutely hard to replace. You know what I'm saying. It's something that you were saying about I cannot replace you, or how I feel like I'm irreplaceable. But there's a portion of your book where you talk about elimination and that there is a proper way, and y'all have to buy the book. Can I read something that you said about elimination sure, you say, a criteria for elimination is simple when maintaining the relationship in any form or category is no longer in the best interests of the person involved. It's kind of product, it's emotionally toxic. So there are times where you can eliminate a relationship. It's just in the how. And while I'm on that, we're talking about elimination. What is your thought on boundary setting versus ghosting?

All right, so this might be a little complex. I don't know, it might even be a little controversial, Michelle. I got admit this because I talk about this in the book, and so I don't if I don't own this, I'm being a hypocrite, all right, Yes, So in the book, I say there are times where you can make adjustments without making announcements. Like every adjustment doesn't have to have an announcement. There's sometimes when it's like, yeah, you see something, you see some fruit of somebody's character, you see some tendencies, and you're not judging it, but you're just observing so that you know how to manage that person in your life. Right, I'm not making a judgment on this. But let's say if somebody's gossiping. That just got a tendency to gospel it like, I'm on with this person, they're talking about somebody else, sir. Well, if you see that, it's possible for you to adjust what you tell them without.

All right, so this might be a little complex. I don't know, it might even be a little controversial, Michelle. I got admit this because I talk about this in the book, and so I don't if I don't own this, I'm being a hypocrite, all right, Yes, So in the book, I say there are times where you can make adjustments without making announcements. Like every adjustment doesn't have to have an announcement. There's sometimes when it's like, yeah, you see something, you see some fruit of somebody's character, you see some tendencies, and you're not judging it, but you're just observing so that you know how to manage that person in your life. Right, I'm not making a judgment on this. But let's say if somebody's gossiping. That just got a tendency to gospel it like, I'm on with this person, they're talking about somebody else, sir. Well, if you see that, it's possible for you to adjust what you tell them without.

Announcing that to them. Right, you don't have to say, Yo, let's go to lunch.

Announcing that to them. Right, you don't have to say, Yo, let's go to lunch.

I think you gossip about everybody all the time, so I'm not going to tell you nothing. Well, yeah, I'm not saying it's wrong to do that, especially if y'all got that kind of relational equity where that person receives that from you. But the point that I'm making is that's completely different than ghosting. The elimination part of the book is really about, YO, when do you get to the place when you get to the place where you recognize this is no longer healthy for me? Right, this relationship is not healthy for me mentally, it's not healthy for me emotionally, it's not healthy for me spiritually, it's not healthy for me professionally. Then at that point you got to prioritize the stewardship of your own soul over that specific relationship. And that's not being selfish, that's being a good steward And when that happens. I feel like, at least this is me living by the gold and rule is just kind of like human decency, and so that's why I'm going to be like, yeah, if you can, it's important to have a conversation, yes, instead instead of ghosting, especially if you're talking about somebody you've been in relationship with, friend, associate, like whatever category they're in. I just feel like you want to manage that exit the way you would want somebody to manage if they were making an exit like that with you. I don't know about the ghosting part.

I think you gossip about everybody all the time, so I'm not going to tell you nothing. Well, yeah, I'm not saying it's wrong to do that, especially if y'all got that kind of relational equity where that person receives that from you. But the point that I'm making is that's completely different than ghosting. The elimination part of the book is really about, YO, when do you get to the place when you get to the place where you recognize this is no longer healthy for me? Right, this relationship is not healthy for me mentally, it's not healthy for me emotionally, it's not healthy for me spiritually, it's not healthy for me professionally. Then at that point you got to prioritize the stewardship of your own soul over that specific relationship. And that's not being selfish, that's being a good steward And when that happens. I feel like, at least this is me living by the gold and rule is just kind of like human decency, and so that's why I'm going to be like, yeah, if you can, it's important to have a conversation, yes, instead instead of ghosting, especially if you're talking about somebody you've been in relationship with, friend, associate, like whatever category they're in. I just feel like you want to manage that exit the way you would want somebody to manage if they were making an exit like that with you. I don't know about the ghosting part.

I definitely agree with literally a situation today where I feel like someone definitely crossed the line and they sent a real, you know, nice message and I was like, oh, okay, I gotta respond because I don't like the feeling when it has been done to me. Right, But I'm in the place even personally where I'm like, Okay, well, how do I manage and respect and do what I feel is best for me and respect me versus pleasing them and their feelings. Because people can do things that are so out of pocket that I do feel like you can definitely take a step back and take some space. It's not that I'm goals to you. I just need to take some space, and I'm repositioning you. You no longer are in the front seat of my life. I don't put you in the nosebleeds. What would you say to two people that are working in the confines of a business. Yeah, and they have the potential for the business too. They can do some damage. Yeah, you know, business wise, what is some advice to somebody in that situation?

I definitely agree with literally a situation today where I feel like someone definitely crossed the line and they sent a real, you know, nice message and I was like, oh, okay, I gotta respond because I don't like the feeling when it has been done to me. Right, But I'm in the place even personally where I'm like, Okay, well, how do I manage and respect and do what I feel is best for me and respect me versus pleasing them and their feelings. Because people can do things that are so out of pocket that I do feel like you can definitely take a step back and take some space. It's not that I'm goals to you. I just need to take some space, and I'm repositioning you. You no longer are in the front seat of my life. I don't put you in the nosebleeds. What would you say to two people that are working in the confines of a business. Yeah, and they have the potential for the business too. They can do some damage. Yeah, you know, business wise, what is some advice to somebody in that situation?

You know, I think that's one of the most important relationships. You know, That's that's what I would call an associate. Now, I'm not saying business partners can't be friends, but I do think that there are times when people confuse the friendly nature of.

You know, I think that's one of the most important relationships. You know, That's that's what I would call an associate. Now, I'm not saying business partners can't be friends, but I do think that there are times when people confuse the friendly nature of.

The relationship with a yeah, you know what I mean.

The relationship with a yeah, you know what I mean.

And so for me, I make the distinction between like a friend and associate, and associate to me with following a business partner or co worker team member category. And it's this, if I wasn't as good as I am with what I do, would we still have relationship? If I remove my gift from the equation and it's just me and you, will we still have relationship?

And so for me, I make the distinction between like a friend and associate, and associate to me with following a business partner or co worker team member category. And it's this, if I wasn't as good as I am with what I do, would we still have relationship? If I remove my gift from the equation and it's just me and you, will we still have relationship?

Right? I don't think that's being cynical.

Right? I don't think that's being cynical.

I think that's being honest, and it keeps you from setting yourself up for unnecessary frustration or hurt and pain down the line because you are confusing someone who's an associate with a friend. So it doesn't mean a relationship can't be friendly, but it does mean that you recognize this relationship exists because of what I do, not just who I am, where friendship has a completely different set of criteria. So I feel like, no matter what, when it comes to the business relationship, whether it is friends or whether it is associates, you want to respect the personal relationship. You want to love the personal relationship enough to get the business right. So this is where I feel like people kind of get wires cross when it comes to business relationship. They feel like, because we have a personal relationship, you should kind of be more laxed, less excellent and give me more room for failure and sloppiness because we're friends, yes, or because there's a friendly aspect of our relationship. What I would say is no, because there's a friendly aspect of our relationship, I want to make sure the sloppy business doesn't get in the way of the friendship or get in the way of this relationship. So let's make sure we manage the business properly so that we can be productive on the business side. But that productivity on the business side protects the personal aspect of the relationship.

I think that's being honest, and it keeps you from setting yourself up for unnecessary frustration or hurt and pain down the line because you are confusing someone who's an associate with a friend. So it doesn't mean a relationship can't be friendly, but it does mean that you recognize this relationship exists because of what I do, not just who I am, where friendship has a completely different set of criteria. So I feel like, no matter what, when it comes to the business relationship, whether it is friends or whether it is associates, you want to respect the personal relationship. You want to love the personal relationship enough to get the business right. So this is where I feel like people kind of get wires cross when it comes to business relationship. They feel like, because we have a personal relationship, you should kind of be more laxed, less excellent and give me more room for failure and sloppiness because we're friends, yes, or because there's a friendly aspect of our relationship. What I would say is no, because there's a friendly aspect of our relationship, I want to make sure the sloppy business doesn't get in the way of the friendship or get in the way of this relationship. So let's make sure we manage the business properly so that we can be productive on the business side. But that productivity on the business side protects the personal aspect of the relationship.

It's easy for us.

It's easy for us.

To be friends when to be friendly, when things are going well, it's progressing, there's not a lot of stress and strain and struggle. So I really feel like managing those business partnerships and and those relationships with that in mind is incredibly important. And I've seen people be destroyed and crushed when they finally get the revelation that what I thought was a friendship is actually just a partnership. So I think it's important to go into that man eyes wide open.

To be friends when to be friendly, when things are going well, it's progressing, there's not a lot of stress and strain and struggle. So I really feel like managing those business partnerships and and those relationships with that in mind is incredibly important. And I've seen people be destroyed and crushed when they finally get the revelation that what I thought was a friendship is actually just a partnership. So I think it's important to go into that man eyes wide open.

I've seen so many people use the word oh, that's my friend, that's my friend, that's my friend, that's my friend. And I do feel like I feel sorry for people who are in a position where those lines do get blurred, where you even talk about assignments. Yeah, like you have to know I'm not your you're not friends, I am assigned to you, and those lines get so blurred and so cross, And I've seen people's feelings hurt.

I've seen so many people use the word oh, that's my friend, that's my friend, that's my friend, that's my friend. And I do feel like I feel sorry for people who are in a position where those lines do get blurred, where you even talk about assignments. Yeah, like you have to know I'm not your you're not friends, I am assigned to you, and those lines get so blurred and so cross, And I've seen people's feelings hurt.

You better believe it.

You better believe it.

Feeling so hurt that word friend. We use that word very very loosely, and you talk about it's got to be reciprocated in some fruit here for me to call you a friend.

Feeling so hurt that word friend. We use that word very very loosely, and you talk about it's got to be reciprocated in some fruit here for me to call you a friend.

Yeah, definitely. But you know that's that's the whole concept of out relational intelligence. It's not about being smug or cynical or harsh or whatever, but it's just about being wise in the area of our relationships, just being intentional. And so for me, that's about this whole thing of like defining and aligning your relationships. I don't want to call you something that you aren't because if I call you that, I'm going to expect you to be that for me, because I'm.

Yeah, definitely. But you know that's that's the whole concept of out relational intelligence. It's not about being smug or cynical or harsh or whatever, but it's just about being wise in the area of our relationships, just being intentional. And so for me, that's about this whole thing of like defining and aligning your relationships. I don't want to call you something that you aren't because if I call you that, I'm going to expect you to be that for me, because I'm.

Gonna be that for you.

Gonna be that for you.

That makes sense and so and so what happens is when you're using the word so friendship. One of the ways friendship is seen or exposed is by reciprocity. It doesn't mean that you do the same thing for me that I do for you, but it does mean there's reciprocity in the relationship in the sense that we both add value to each other's lives.

That makes sense and so and so what happens is when you're using the word so friendship. One of the ways friendship is seen or exposed is by reciprocity. It doesn't mean that you do the same thing for me that I do for you, but it does mean there's reciprocity in the relationship in the sense that we both add value to each other's lives.

In some kind of way.

In some kind of way.

And it doesn't even mean we add value to each other's lives on the same level. But it does mean Yo, there's reciprocity in this relationship, absolutely, but when there is not, some people end up frustrated, mad, hurt, and upset and it's like, No, you were calling that person a friend, but they were just kind of an associate, Or you were calling them a friend, but that was kind of an assignment. That's somebody you were mentoring, helping, and when you go into it, when you go into a relationship and manage a relationship with those expectations, it reduces the likelihood you're going to be frustrated.

And it doesn't even mean we add value to each other's lives on the same level. But it does mean Yo, there's reciprocity in this relationship, absolutely, but when there is not, some people end up frustrated, mad, hurt, and upset and it's like, No, you were calling that person a friend, but they were just kind of an associate, Or you were calling them a friend, but that was kind of an assignment. That's somebody you were mentoring, helping, and when you go into it, when you go into a relationship and manage a relationship with those expectations, it reduces the likelihood you're going to be frustrated.

You know what I mean?

You know what I mean?

Absolutely, I'm giving more in this relationship than what I'm going to get, and I'm okay with that because you're a mentee. I feel like that's what's really Keep going in with eyes wide open so that you know where to make investments and where you can have realistic expectations.

Absolutely, I'm giving more in this relationship than what I'm going to get, and I'm okay with that because you're a mentee. I feel like that's what's really Keep going in with eyes wide open so that you know where to make investments and where you can have realistic expectations.

Mike drop Doctor Darius. He's known to drop many bars, not only in relational intelligence, but y'all got to listen to some of his sermons. I'd be like, Yo, he should be a ghostwriter for some of these rappers out here, because he just dropped something.

Mike drop Doctor Darius. He's known to drop many bars, not only in relational intelligence, but y'all got to listen to some of his sermons. I'd be like, Yo, he should be a ghostwriter for some of these rappers out here, because he just dropped something.

Oh, I grew up in a different, different era. These guys would not want me to write for them. Well, I don't think the guy's in my era.

Oh, I grew up in a different, different era. These guys would not want me to write for them. Well, I don't think the guy's in my era.

I don't know. I got some folks in mind who are great and what they do. But I'm like, yo, if you take what doctor Darius just said and then you put your swag on in your wrap style, you would absolutely be dope. But AnyWho, that's a whole other podcast. We were talking about where to put people in their relationships and if they're an assignment an associate. You also talk about if they are an advisor. But I want to talk about you. In the beginning of the book, you talk about how we are made for connection, we are made for relationships, and you ask the question, are your relationships holding you back or propelling you forward in your purpose? So are you saying that the relationships in your life they have to be aligned with where you're going.

I don't know. I got some folks in mind who are great and what they do. But I'm like, yo, if you take what doctor Darius just said and then you put your swag on in your wrap style, you would absolutely be dope. But AnyWho, that's a whole other podcast. We were talking about where to put people in their relationships and if they're an assignment an associate. You also talk about if they are an advisor. But I want to talk about you. In the beginning of the book, you talk about how we are made for connection, we are made for relationships, and you ask the question, are your relationships holding you back or propelling you forward in your purpose? So are you saying that the relationships in your life they have to be aligned with where you're going.

I'm saying two things.

I'm saying two things.

I'm okay with that, too, bad way, I agree with that.

I'm okay with that, too, bad way, I agree with that.

Yeah, yeah, I'm saying two things.

Yeah, yeah, I'm saying two things.

All right. So the first thing I'm saying is there's no such thing as neutral relationships. So that's a myth, like you're either going forward or backwards. Now, sometimes the movement is incremental, so you don't feel it, you know what I mean.

All right. So the first thing I'm saying is there's no such thing as neutral relationships. So that's a myth, like you're either going forward or backwards. Now, sometimes the movement is incremental, so you don't feel it, you know what I mean.

So it's like somebody could be taking you back and you.

So it's like somebody could be taking you back and you.

Don't even know they're taking you back because they're not taking you back fast.

Don't even know they're taking you back because they're not taking you back fast.

It's just incremental.

It's just incremental.

Then all of a sudden, you kind of come to yourself one day and you like, I ain't really happy when I.

Then all of a sudden, you kind of come to yourself one day and you like, I ain't really happy when I.

Talk to her. You know, it just hits you one time. You're like, yo, every time I get off the phone with them, or am I.

Talk to her. You know, it just hits you one time. You're like, yo, every time I get off the phone with them, or am I.

Just I feel less optimistic, I feel low, I feel blow, But you don't always notice that immediately, you know what I'm saying.

Just I feel less optimistic, I feel low, I feel blow, But you don't always notice that immediately, you know what I'm saying.

So, like, I'm not saying.

So, like, I'm not saying.

That every relationship that is taking you backwards is going to destroy your life. I'm just saying it might destroy your peace, it might destroy your focus, it might destroy your productivity over a period of time.

That every relationship that is taking you backwards is going to destroy your life. I'm just saying it might destroy your peace, it might destroy your focus, it might destroy your productivity over a period of time.

So that's the first thing I'm saying. It's no such thing as neutral relationships.

So that's the first thing I'm saying. It's no such thing as neutral relationships.

Okay, since there's no such thing as neutral relationships, you're helping me go forward, are you pulling me back? You add value to my life or you're taking value from me. You're making deposits or withdrawals. You're bringing me joy, your pain. Right, you're helping me get the destiny or your distraction. It's no neutral relationships. If that's the case, you want to make sure. I'm not talking about using people, but you do want to make sure that your relationships are aligned with where you think you're going, because if not, that relationship is not an asset, it's a liability. And when I say that, I'm not just talking work, I'm not just talking job. Like where do you want to go mentally? Like what kind of head space do you want to live in? So there was this group of psychologists that did this focused group it's pretty diverse focus group of people here in America, right to come up with one word that would describe the email emotional state of most people in America. And then like the word that they came out with was this word languishing.

Okay, since there's no such thing as neutral relationships, you're helping me go forward, are you pulling me back? You add value to my life or you're taking value from me. You're making deposits or withdrawals. You're bringing me joy, your pain. Right, you're helping me get the destiny or your distraction. It's no neutral relationships. If that's the case, you want to make sure. I'm not talking about using people, but you do want to make sure that your relationships are aligned with where you think you're going, because if not, that relationship is not an asset, it's a liability. And when I say that, I'm not just talking work, I'm not just talking job. Like where do you want to go mentally? Like what kind of head space do you want to live in? So there was this group of psychologists that did this focused group it's pretty diverse focus group of people here in America, right to come up with one word that would describe the email emotional state of most people in America. And then like the word that they came out with was this word languishing.

Like so, no matter how many bags.

Like so, no matter how many bags.

Or cars, or how much money's in the bank, how much people are progressing professionally, the average person isn't thriving.

Or cars, or how much money's in the bank, how much people are progressing professionally, the average person isn't thriving.

They're like languishing. They're just going alone to get along.

They're like languishing. They're just going alone to get along.

So if you want to get out of that mentally and you want to move forward in your mind, you've got to be strategic. Now, I'm not saying that stuck out, but I'm saying you got to be strategic and you got to have a standard when it comes to your relational life, because if not, you're going to get in the car with people who are going.

So if you want to get out of that mentally and you want to move forward in your mind, you've got to be strategic. Now, I'm not saying that stuck out, but I'm saying you got to be strategic and you got to have a standard when it comes to your relational life, because if not, you're going to get in the car with people who are going.

In the wrong direction.

In the wrong direction.

Direction.

Direction.

You'll be mad when you get that.

You'll be mad when you get that.

Yes, and then you did the same wrong place, wrong time. You should have known who you was getting in the car with. You got to know who you are getting into relationship with. I'm gonna admit when I first started reading Relational Intelligence, I had to put it down for a minute. And I'm gonna tell you why, because sometimes you could pick up this book thinking about what you're gonna see in another person. Okay, No, it was for me, and also how I have been in relationships. I hope I'm articulating it correctly by how we can read something and we can be like, hm, so and so need to read this, because if they read this, we would have these problems. Oh no, Even in this book you have personal assessments. Even the first question, in what ways do I demonstrate unshakable character?

Yes, and then you did the same wrong place, wrong time. You should have known who you was getting in the car with. You got to know who you are getting into relationship with. I'm gonna admit when I first started reading Relational Intelligence, I had to put it down for a minute. And I'm gonna tell you why, because sometimes you could pick up this book thinking about what you're gonna see in another person. Okay, No, it was for me, and also how I have been in relationships. I hope I'm articulating it correctly by how we can read something and we can be like, hm, so and so need to read this, because if they read this, we would have these problems. Oh no, Even in this book you have personal assessments. Even the first question, in what ways do I demonstrate unshakable character?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Not in what ways does he or she like? I said, because if he wouldn't have done this if she no, no, no, no. What are you doing? Are you trustworthy? Are you dependable? Are you a safe person to be in relationship? Even business wise? How are you taking care of business while you're at work? Can people depend on you? It's not always about somebody else?

Not in what ways does he or she like? I said, because if he wouldn't have done this if she no, no, no, no. What are you doing? Are you trustworthy? Are you dependable? Are you a safe person to be in relationship? Even business wise? How are you taking care of business while you're at work? Can people depend on you? It's not always about somebody else?

Yeah, here is Michelle, here's a question. The question is this.

Yeah, here is Michelle, here's a question. The question is this.

It's one I want to ask myself with my friends, with people I lead and serve, etc. Are you the person that the person you looking for is looking for? Are you the person that the person you looking for is looking for? Like you looking for a certain type of person with that certain type of persons looking for a certain type of person. Are you the person that the person you're looking for is looking for? I think that's important. So for me, it's almost like, Yo, would God really be good to send that person to you? Like would you be as big a blessing to them as they are to you? Especially if we're talking about the friendship category. I'm not talking about other categories where people are just they come into your life and they help you, and they open doors for you, they mentor you, they coach you. There's not going to be a lot of reciprocity there. But when we're talking about that friendship category. I think that's a completely different conversation because I believe Michelle straight up and I'm not keep going back to friendship is because I believe that's the most important category in the book because you're going to be more transparent with your friends than you are with your mentor is it going to take you a while to really keep it one hundred with your mentor. I noticed I'm a spiritual leader, so I recognize it's like, yo, most of the time, I'm gonna get a I'm gonna get a representation of who somebody really is to the bottom fall out. Now, when the bottom fall out, then all the rest. But you know what, they friends know the real deal. So being strategic about that friendship category is really important because those are the people that are probably going to be advising you the most, speaking into your life the most, and they got the potential to help you the most, and vice versa, vice versa.

It's one I want to ask myself with my friends, with people I lead and serve, etc. Are you the person that the person you looking for is looking for? Are you the person that the person you looking for is looking for? Like you looking for a certain type of person with that certain type of persons looking for a certain type of person. Are you the person that the person you're looking for is looking for? I think that's important. So for me, it's almost like, Yo, would God really be good to send that person to you? Like would you be as big a blessing to them as they are to you? Especially if we're talking about the friendship category. I'm not talking about other categories where people are just they come into your life and they help you, and they open doors for you, they mentor you, they coach you. There's not going to be a lot of reciprocity there. But when we're talking about that friendship category. I think that's a completely different conversation because I believe Michelle straight up and I'm not keep going back to friendship is because I believe that's the most important category in the book because you're going to be more transparent with your friends than you are with your mentor is it going to take you a while to really keep it one hundred with your mentor. I noticed I'm a spiritual leader, so I recognize it's like, yo, most of the time, I'm gonna get a I'm gonna get a representation of who somebody really is to the bottom fall out. Now, when the bottom fall out, then all the rest. But you know what, they friends know the real deal. So being strategic about that friendship category is really important because those are the people that are probably going to be advising you the most, speaking into your life the most, and they got the potential to help you the most, and vice versa, vice versa.

Absolutely, I absolutely agree with that. This book has just been so profound, making me asking myself, how do I know that I'm the good friend, that I'm the type of person that someone wants to be a friend with, that I'm the type of person that I'm looking for. You have to be what's on that list too.

Absolutely, I absolutely agree with that. This book has just been so profound, making me asking myself, how do I know that I'm the good friend, that I'm the type of person that someone wants to be a friend with, that I'm the type of person that I'm looking for. You have to be what's on that list too.

Sorry, that conversation definitely a different podcast.

Sorry, that conversation definitely a different podcast.

Definitely a different podcast conversation. It was a dating conversation. But I'm sorry. I have had someone, I mean a dear best friend of mine and I'm and I've been assessing, Okay, I can do this, I can be more attentive, I can do this, I can show up more. I can because sometimes people would feel like they show up for you, but you don't show up for them, you know. Right now, it's been a little difficult because of the pandemic, so we've had to go above and beyond. Maybe your facetimingmore. Maybe you're just kind of checking in, saying, hey, just checking on you and the family. How are y'all doing, Probably more so than we would have outside of a pandemic. And speaking of why do you think some relationships are thriving in this pandemic and why others are crumbling?

Definitely a different podcast conversation. It was a dating conversation. But I'm sorry. I have had someone, I mean a dear best friend of mine and I'm and I've been assessing, Okay, I can do this, I can be more attentive, I can do this, I can show up more. I can because sometimes people would feel like they show up for you, but you don't show up for them, you know. Right now, it's been a little difficult because of the pandemic, so we've had to go above and beyond. Maybe your facetimingmore. Maybe you're just kind of checking in, saying, hey, just checking on you and the family. How are y'all doing, Probably more so than we would have outside of a pandemic. And speaking of why do you think some relationships are thriving in this pandemic and why others are crumbling?

That's a great question.

That's a great question.

Yea, it's the good question, y'all, doctor said, I asked a good question. I'm excited about that.

Yea, it's the good question, y'all, doctor said, I asked a good question. I'm excited about that.

Questions are always great. I mean, you're a great interviewer. Hey, take heart, here's my thoughts.

Questions are always great. I mean, you're a great interviewer. Hey, take heart, here's my thoughts.

Then I'm a good interviewer.

Then I'm a good interviewer.

Great conversational this, So here's my thoughts. All right. Obviously there's no one reason, one size that fits all. But generally speaking, here of this, the pandemic.

Great conversational this, So here's my thoughts. All right. Obviously there's no one reason, one size that fits all. But generally speaking, here of this, the pandemic.

Does not break relationships. It exposes them.

Does not break relationships. It exposes them.

That's all of it. Is It exposed fragile. Sometimes stuff is fragile.

That's all of it. Is It exposed fragile. Sometimes stuff is fragile.

You just don't know until you put pressure on it, right, Like it could be a it could be a chair sitting in your house and that chair is on you know, one leg is on life support of that chair, and you don't know it till you put some pressure on it.

You just don't know until you put pressure on it, right, Like it could be a it could be a chair sitting in your house and that chair is on you know, one leg is on life support of that chair, and you don't know it till you put some pressure on it.

And I think that's all the pandemic was.

And I think that's all the pandemic was.

When it came to some relationships, it's like, you know, even romantically, it's like people, oh, we like each other, but we don't like each other that much to be around each other this much.

When it came to some relationships, it's like, you know, even romantically, it's like people, oh, we like each other, but we don't like each other that much to be around each other this much.

So now you want doctor You want someone like doctor Darius in your life, by the way, because he tells it like it is like some of y'all need to just tell somebody I don't like you as much.

So now you want doctor You want someone like doctor Darius in your life, by the way, because he tells it like it is like some of y'all need to just tell somebody I don't like you as much.

Yeah, yeah, And so I think I think the pandemic exposed, it exposes relationships.

Yeah, yeah, And so I think I think the pandemic exposed, it exposes relationships.

Watch this, but it Also it exposes people.

Watch this, but it Also it exposes people.

Man, it exposes how do you manage other people you in relationship with when you're under stress? How do you treat people when you under pressure? You know, do other people have to be the casualty? Are they the casualty of your strain and your uncertainty and the pressure that you're living under. So I feel like those that kind of thrive were those that like put the roof on the house before it started raining. It was like it was who actually kind of did the work before the pandemic, you know what I mean? When the relationship got tested, what they had built was built right, and so it was able to withstand it, and other relationships it may not have been built the best and it wasn't able to withstand it. The question is for those people that feel like, man, this thing kind of messed up my relationship is whether or not you feel like, am I supposed to rebuild this? Or you know, do I realize I can't build something better and stronger with these materials?

Man, it exposes how do you manage other people you in relationship with when you're under stress? How do you treat people when you under pressure? You know, do other people have to be the casualty? Are they the casualty of your strain and your uncertainty and the pressure that you're living under. So I feel like those that kind of thrive were those that like put the roof on the house before it started raining. It was like it was who actually kind of did the work before the pandemic, you know what I mean? When the relationship got tested, what they had built was built right, and so it was able to withstand it, and other relationships it may not have been built the best and it wasn't able to withstand it. The question is for those people that feel like, man, this thing kind of messed up my relationship is whether or not you feel like, am I supposed to rebuild this? Or you know, do I realize I can't build something better and stronger with these materials?

Because that that's true.

Because that that's true.

Man, Like both people, friends, associates, advisors, assignments, all of that, both parties have to be willing to put in the work. So sometimes you just got to be honest about that and say this person is not willing to put in the work or right now, I don't want to put in the work for this person, right or wrong. You got to be willing to live with those consequences. You got to be honest about that.

Man, Like both people, friends, associates, advisors, assignments, all of that, both parties have to be willing to put in the work. So sometimes you just got to be honest about that and say this person is not willing to put in the work or right now, I don't want to put in the work for this person, right or wrong. You got to be willing to live with those consequences. You got to be honest about that.

You said something living with the consequences. I don't think a lot of us like to do that, want to do that.

You said something living with the consequences. I don't think a lot of us like to do that, want to do that.

I know men don't know.

I know men don't know.

I know men don't when it comes to relationships, because guys will I'm gonna tell you.

I know men don't when it comes to relationships, because guys will I'm gonna tell you.

I'm gonna tell us we want to know GUIDs.

I'm gonna tell us we want to know GUIDs.

What I think some of the best advice you could get about guys is gonna come from counselors, barbers, coaches, the spiritual leaders, guys who deal with a bunch of people so they can give you a perspective that's not just their opinion based on their experience with a bunch of people. And what one guy frame it this way? You know what did it say? Like you don't mischell water to your well well run. That's why a lot of sisters get like these random texts out of nowhere from guys. It's like y'all ain't talked to two years and now all of a sudden, you get a text and it's like what's up.

What I think some of the best advice you could get about guys is gonna come from counselors, barbers, coaches, the spiritual leaders, guys who deal with a bunch of people so they can give you a perspective that's not just their opinion based on their experience with a bunch of people. And what one guy frame it this way? You know what did it say? Like you don't mischell water to your well well run. That's why a lot of sisters get like these random texts out of nowhere from guys. It's like y'all ain't talked to two years and now all of a sudden, you get a text and it's like what's up.

You know, you're like, yo, what what's up?

You know, you're like, yo, what what's up?

Come from?

Come from?

But a lot of times men have to not have to But a lot of times men learn through experience that I had something that was invaluable, I didn't know it and I didn't value it properly until I lost it.

But a lot of times men have to not have to But a lot of times men learn through experience that I had something that was invaluable, I didn't know it and I didn't value it properly until I lost it.

Five men could text me that right now and now Maude be all their girlfriends at the same time.

Five men could text me that right now and now Maude be all their girlfriends at the same time.

So I think that's that's one of the things that happened.

So I think that's that's one of the things that happened.

So again, I'm not making excuses for that, but I have found that to be the experience. I can't tell you how many guys it said to me every agent stage of life, like ah, man, I let this and get away, I let that one get I didn't know what I had when I had that. You know, I definitely think that's the case with men. I'm not saying that's the case with women. But because I am a man and because are really leaning a lot in terms of mentoring and coaching man, I can say that I've experienced that a lot.

So again, I'm not making excuses for that, but I have found that to be the experience. I can't tell you how many guys it said to me every agent stage of life, like ah, man, I let this and get away, I let that one get I didn't know what I had when I had that. You know, I definitely think that's the case with men. I'm not saying that's the case with women. But because I am a man and because are really leaning a lot in terms of mentoring and coaching man, I can say that I've experienced that a lot.

At least you went there, not me. Because I know this book isn't just specifically for romantic relationships. But since you went there, you probably just actually told the dude what to say. I don't know if you know you did that. You said you are invaluable. I messed up what he just made it so easy. I hope you guys rewind this and write down what he said verbatim, cause you might get her back if she's not taken, or if it's a possibility, he gave you something to say to get her back. As far as what single people are going through right now in this pandemic, like you said, some relationships are thriving, some relationships are just absolutely crushed. Generally speaking, what should a single person be doing right now during this pandemic regarding relationships?

At least you went there, not me. Because I know this book isn't just specifically for romantic relationships. But since you went there, you probably just actually told the dude what to say. I don't know if you know you did that. You said you are invaluable. I messed up what he just made it so easy. I hope you guys rewind this and write down what he said verbatim, cause you might get her back if she's not taken, or if it's a possibility, he gave you something to say to get her back. As far as what single people are going through right now in this pandemic, like you said, some relationships are thriving, some relationships are just absolutely crushed. Generally speaking, what should a single person be doing right now during this pandemic regarding relationships?

This is gonna sound so cliche, but it's true. It is true. Facts.

This is gonna sound so cliche, but it's true. It is true. Facts.

Come on, tell us.

Come on, tell us.

Your own personal development should probably be your number one priority right now now.

Your own personal development should probably be your number one priority right now now.

This is what I mean when.

This is what I mean when.

I say that, And some people disagree with it, especially some people in spiritual space. But I mean, I'm not gonna go all into that, but there are reasons that I kind of lean this way, and that's this. One of the most important things you can do as a single person is make sure you don't have anything, or you minimize I'm not saying anything. You minimize the unhealthy impulses that have been driving your bad picks.

I say that, And some people disagree with it, especially some people in spiritual space. But I mean, I'm not gonna go all into that, but there are reasons that I kind of lean this way, and that's this. One of the most important things you can do as a single person is make sure you don't have anything, or you minimize I'm not saying anything. You minimize the unhealthy impulses that have been driving your bad picks.

The impulses that have been dry.

The impulses that have been dry.

Or bad picks.

Or bad picks.

So like if you it's hard to have a good relationship with a bad pick. And I don't think compatibility is a myth. Compatibility is real in the spiritual space, it's real in the nonspiritual space.

So like if you it's hard to have a good relationship with a bad pick. And I don't think compatibility is a myth. Compatibility is real in the spiritual space, it's real in the nonspiritual space.

It's real.

It's real.

So for me, I think if somebody is honest enough to like just kind of look back at some of the bar picks, you just gotta be like, yo, I'm too smart to be picking like that. So it must be something else besides my brain that's influencing these.

So for me, I think if somebody is honest enough to like just kind of look back at some of the bar picks, you just gotta be like, yo, I'm too smart to be picking like that. So it must be something else besides my brain that's influencing these.

Picks that I'm making.

Picks that I'm making.

So during this time of quarantine, let me try to figure out what is it that's driving me to make some of these picks, so I can deal with that so that next time I'm not even gonna say you're gonna pick differently. You can at least pick better. And I feel like that's what's really important.

So during this time of quarantine, let me try to figure out what is it that's driving me to make some of these picks, so I can deal with that so that next time I'm not even gonna say you're gonna pick differently. You can at least pick better. And I feel like that's what's really important.

Man, Well should we pick different or better?

Man, Well should we pick different or better?

You know?

You know?

I do feel like that there are times like some people always think that better is different, and I'm not sure, that's the case. Sometimes there is a type of person that you prefer, So let's just deal with like assertive, accomplish women who are leading in the marketplace.

I do feel like that there are times like some people always think that better is different, and I'm not sure, that's the case. Sometimes there is a type of person that you prefer, So let's just deal with like assertive, accomplish women who are leading in the marketplace.

Let's deal with that. So there's this myth that this cultural myth.

Let's deal with that. So there's this myth that this cultural myth.

I think it's a misnomer, but this is this myth that like, yo, those women aren't good in relationships, they're condescending there, whatever, whatever. And there might be a man who had a bad experience with dating that type of woman. Well that doesn't mean that there isn't a type of a woman like that out there that may be more aligned with what he wants. So I'm not saying he should always abandon that type of woman or vice versa, that she was on the other foot with women and men, But I am saying that that maybe nothing's wrong with the type you're looking for. Maybe something's wrong with the type that you picking.

I think it's a misnomer, but this is this myth that like, yo, those women aren't good in relationships, they're condescending there, whatever, whatever. And there might be a man who had a bad experience with dating that type of woman. Well that doesn't mean that there isn't a type of a woman like that out there that may be more aligned with what he wants. So I'm not saying he should always abandon that type of woman or vice versa, that she was on the other foot with women and men, But I am saying that that maybe nothing's wrong with the type you're looking for. Maybe something's wrong with the type that you picking.

Y'all heard that maybe.

Y'all heard that maybe.

Needs some more tools to kind of you know, I don't really think. I don't know why you're trying to give me counseled. I don't know. I don't know why people don't often pause for a minute to get crystal clear on what they non negotiables are. When it comes to relationships and data, then that way that just gives you more clarity and more direction, more vision, if you will, when it comes to who does and who doesn't fit, what would work for you, Like, you got to be honest about that. If you honest about that on the front end, then it really helps you reduce heartbreak. It really helps you reduce unnecessary relationships.

Needs some more tools to kind of you know, I don't really think. I don't know why you're trying to give me counseled. I don't know. I don't know why people don't often pause for a minute to get crystal clear on what they non negotiables are. When it comes to relationships and data, then that way that just gives you more clarity and more direction, more vision, if you will, when it comes to who does and who doesn't fit, what would work for you, Like, you got to be honest about that. If you honest about that on the front end, then it really helps you reduce heartbreak. It really helps you reduce unnecessary relationships.

Someone yeah, waste.

Someone yeah, waste.

Experiences, you know, It's just it really does if people kind of take the time just to be honest with you about you. And so sometimes people are so busy judging what they want that they're not honest about what they want, and so they get into something that they don't want and it don't work because you weren't honest with you. You not gonna be happy with that, That's sense. I don't know why I jumped on that.

Experiences, you know, It's just it really does if people kind of take the time just to be honest with you about you. And so sometimes people are so busy judging what they want that they're not honest about what they want, and so they get into something that they don't want and it don't work because you weren't honest with you. You not gonna be happy with that, That's sense. I don't know why I jumped on that.

You hopped on something that I was gonna save for next time, and I think I am. So I'm gonna ask you this question and then I'm gonna just press end. I'm gonna leave us with a cliffhanger. Do men really know what to do with the woman that comes with her own to the table? Hold up? Can he really handle that. She has sound opinions and suggestions or should she keep them to herself? If she doesn't keep them to herself, is that considered not letting the man lead? Now she's coming into the picture with life experience, home ownership, bought cars, operates a business. Can a man handle it? And if he can handle it, what are things that a woman must do to still honor him. We can talk about that now our next time, everybody, or you can leave us with something for the next time.