Therapy GeckoAfter ending a 6 year relationship, a caller desires to build their internal confidence and possibly become a space pirate.
Then a caller phones in from backstage before her concert performance and a final caller ponders how procrastinating is preventing them from locking in on their voice acting career.
I think ghosts should pay rent. I am a gecko.
Tickets for my Therapy Gecko live show experience are available now around the universe RIGHT HERE: therapygeckotour.com
SUPPORT THE LIZARD AGENDA: therapygecko.supercast.com
FOLLOW ME ON GECKOGRAM: instagram.com/lyle4ever
GET WEIRD EMAILS FROM ME SOMETIMES BY CLICKING HERE.
Follow me on Twitch to get a notification for when I’m live taking calls. Usually Mondays and Wednesdays but a lot of other times too. twitch.tv/lyleforever
Hello, Hey are you Hey? What's up? Man? What's your name? My name is James, James. What's going on? James?
What you want to talk about today?
Well, uh, there is one thing that I wanted to say to you specifically. Sure before I get into talking about what I want to.
About, I'm a little nervous. What's up?
No, No, don't be nervous. I feel like you rag on yourself all the time for not being so knowledgeable about stuff. But I want you to realize that, you know, people don't really come to you to understand everything. I think what people really like about you and your channel is the fact that you have an interesting way of thinking about things, and you're very open and accepted that.
Thank you. Man, that's incredibly sweety to say.
Yeah, yeah, I just it really sucks whenever you rag on yourself. You know, sorry, you gotta forgive me. I'm kind of nervous.
No, you're making me, you're making me tear up, and You're it's a serious, serious, sweet guy. James, appreciate that. I appreciate that. Uh, Well, this is this is well, this is nice. Well ship. Well, thanks, thanks, I'm trying my best. I'm trying my best Yeah, it's hard. It's like, it's a difficult so i'd not to I feel like a fucking uh pussy sometimes, but it's a difficult. It feels like a very difficult show to do, and I'm trying my best. So thanks man. Well what's what's what's up with you, James? What else is going on?
Uh?
Uh?
Well? I actually got out of a six and a half year relationship not too long ago, a couple of months ago, and it did suck at the time, but I feel like I was able to find peace relatively quickly, and I think you're sharing that might help people who are going through similar situations. Yeah.
Yeah, So you were with this lady for six years and then when when did you guys break up?
We broke up in March earlier this year.
And what was it that helped helped you gain peace?
Well, the thing that honestly really helped me gain peace was just coming to accept the fact that a lot of the things that she broke up with me over were definitely issues in the past. But I looked at myself as a completely different person than, you know, the guy who made a lot of the mistakes that I had in the past. A lot of the issues that she cited were you know, years old at the time, and I definitely had made progress to being the person that I wanted to be, yeah, and definitely a better partner to her. But I realized that, you know, even though that I felt as if I was worthy for forgiveness of the past, she didn't necessarily owe it today.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
And just realizing that I had made progress from you know, being somebody who I didn't really like and becoming a better father and a better, better partner overall, just a better person, really stepping up and providing. I realized that, you know, my history is always going to be a part of me, for sure, and some people may dislike it, some people may be okay with it, not really care. But the thing is, as long as you're progressing, you gotta you gotta appreciate that. You gotta You can't you can't derive happiness from, you know, things that you expect to come out of life, only what progress you've been able to make in the time that you're doing you know.
Yeah, yeah, totally.
Yeah, you sound like you've been You've really been thinking a lot about uh, your life either with a therapist or with your just in your brain.
Yeah, I haven't ever talked to a therapist.
Well, you seem like you've been you you're you know that what who the who's fucking quote is it? It's like someone of the guy in one of those fucking old Greek god They were like, uh, something about the unexamined life. You sound like you've you've been examining your life a lot recently, coming to some of the conclusions.
I knew that all the time. I feel like I'm a very holy analytical person, honestly.
Yeah, So, how can I hold you are?
I'm twenty three and you have a kid? Yeah?
Has he? How has your kid doing? Oh?
She's probably the happiest two year old I know any Like everybody's talks about terrible twos, but on she's just like always happy and playful, and she only cries like maybe once a week. You know, sometimes she throws a little bit of temper tantrums, But I feel like it's very easy to calm her down too, because you just got to sit down and talk to her, look her in the base and make her feel like she's being hurt and what she wants.
Has it? Has it? Been are you is? And did you have this kid with the girlfriend that you were talking about?
Yeah, so we were high school sweethearts, got out of high school. We were together for about four years when she got pregnant, three and a half years or so when my ex got pregnant and no, we had the kid. And then after having after my daughter was about one years old. Is when you broke things? All?
Has it? How has it been? Has it been sharing custody and all that stuff?
You know, it's actually been. That was something that I was really nervous about because I I feel like she's somewhat of a vindictive person. I thought she would have tried a lot harder to use my child against me, you know, But she honestly has been very cooperative about the whole thing. We've had some differences and what we want to do with ever release sometimes, but you know, we sorry that's my daughter's name, by the way, But you know, honestly, it hasn't been the worst. We've been able to stay out of court for most things. You know, I'm making child support payments and everything like that, keeping it all documented and everything. But outside of that, we can usually come to an agreement about most things.
M What do you do for work? Oh?
I do paintless dent repair. I'm actually at my job right now. I just I take dents out of cars without needing to repaint them, basically just massage the metal back into place. Mm hmm, and uh get paid pretty damn well too.
Do you do you do you feel peaceful.
Like at my job?
It's in general?
Yeah, I do, honestly. Now I'm nervous.
You know what? What? What? What made?
What?
In general?
Makes you feel peaceful?
I just honestly feel like I I have hope for the future, and I can also look at where I have been at in the past and the fact that there were so many rough things that I had to push through to get to where I am now, so where it doesn't really matter what's coming in the future. I just know that I will be able to handle her to the most, you know, like I had who I'm like, I've given too much information about myself. I don't know if I want a delf too deep into the past. Whatever you want, man, Yeah, well, I've gotten over a lot of addictions in the past. I used to be addicted to pretty much, you know, anything I could get my hands onto cut all that out. When I learned my ex was pregnant, there was just you know, I also started a business a while back doing paintless. Didn't repair, and I was able to buy a house at twenty one. Cool gone now of course, because we broke up. You know, I just feel like I've been through quite a bit and I've always come out, you know, in a relatively better spot. So I just don't have to really worry about what's coming, just knowing that I can be confident in my abilities to take care of it. You know.
It's so interesting because I'm constantly just.
To guess, relate to you in some way.
I feel like I'm I'm constantly uh searching after a sense of security in in my life, and I think I'm always well, it's like I talk so much because I only because I think about it so much about how how much of life is kind of internal versus external, And I think I search for a lot of my security externally, and I find a lot of security and external things. But what you're talking about just the this this like the security in this innate belief that you have you know exactly who you are and what you're capable of and what you can withstand and and like that, nobody can ever take that away from you. Is it really is a powerful form of of internal security that can that can even over a lot of things we try to find external security in, like like relationships or things like that, because it's you know, it's it's crazy, because a lot of that stuff is out of our control. But that doesn't mean we want to negate its existence and ignore it and be fucking you know, monks and whatever.
Uh oh, But that that is a modern development for me as well, like very recent development for me as well. Because I was doing that, I was pulling a lot of you know, peace of mind out of my relationship because we were together for six years, we had been through a lot, so I thought everything was completely unshakeable in terms of that, and instead of seeing me as myself, I kind of saw myself as a partner, you know, or a provider, a father. And I was pulling a lot of my piece out of being a part of everything that I was involved in rather than who I was as a person. You know, it was my relationships and the thing that I had accomplished, right, rather than that I can't accomplish and knowing what struggles I have been through to become a better person.
Right, well, it's so fucking weird, man, because I think that there's uh, there's like there's gotta be some balance or some place on a spectrum, because I do think it's important to really like have other people that you care about and that are part of your I mean, that's I guess what's nice about being a dad, it seems, is that you have this other person that you like, you have, you have something that's not just yourself to really really really strongly care about and that like needs you.
It's just for certain, for certain, especially because you know, after and it happened, I'm quit my job and I was in a different state at the time that we broke up. She just poke up with me over text, which is kind of crazy after six years. But regardless, I almost just quit my job right then, drove the five hours home and just try to fix things. And you know that didn't work out. I didn't do that. So having my daughter there really also kept it in the back of my mind that I need to keep this job. I need to dig through, you know, and also I need to push past my feelings and not just feel down, like I have a reason that I need to keep on going. I can't just walk and quit out on my Well.
Yeah, yeah, so you said, well, I'm so happy to hear that you've been able to build a really strong sense of like internal confidence. That's that's not easy to do and it's important. So I'm glad to hear you were able to do it. What uh, what do you want to do with that internal confidence? What's the next in your life? King?
Uh? You're asking me, like, what my long term goals are?
Yes?
Yeah, I have like, okay, I have realistic, I have ridiculous, and I have somewhat in the middle of what do What do you want? Birds? Uh?
You have realistic, ridiculous and so let's start with ridiculous. Let's why only go from ridiculous and work our way back to earth.
Ridiculous. This is definitely people are going to know exactly who I am after I say this, But.
Why are you are you scud?
Let's let you talk.
I tell everybody this, But I really want to be a space pirate. I want to I want to uh, I really want to study electrical engineering and aerospace engineering to create maybe a a better type of electrostatic propulsion system or you know, a massless reaction system for spacecraft. And if I can do that, I'm going to retire and I'm just going to be a pirate out in space stealing minerals and shift from SpaceX. But I know that's ridiculous. I'm still going to try it, try for it. But yeah, the somewhat in the middle of that is I definitely am going to work on getting my degree in aerospace and electrical engineering. I want a duel major on that. I think that would be sweet, and potentially get a job for NASA or you know, maybe Boeing or someplace like that, maybe even SpaceX. And then realistically what I am working on right now is I'm investing a lot of money into tax leans so that eventually I can eventually I can house much of the homeless population in Atlanta. I would really love to do that.
Well, how's what do you mean? How's how tell me how does that work? What does a tax lian?
Oh? Okay, so if you don't pay your property taxes, the government of your county wherever you wherever you're at, they auction them off in a tax lean sale or sometimes it's a tax d depending on what state you're in. You go to the courthouse, you bid on them, and you either get the house after a year or you get your money back plus twenty percent. You know, So maybe let's say that, Yeah, let's say that this house is like two hundred thousand dollars, right, they have back taxes on it of ten thousand dollars. You go in, you bid on the back taxes or twelve thousand. Well, you're gonna get all of your twelve thousand back and you're gonna get twenty percent on the you know, ten thousand of the back tax so you get an extra two thousand out of that. Or if they don't pay you get the house, you get all of the entire equity of the house.
So you're how are you hoping to use this to how's the homeless population?
I really want to buy a large plot of land and start using sustainable building methods like rammed earth and just to you know, create lots of apartments and use the homeless people themselves, hire them on and teach them the skills to build these houses. Start a company that you know, employs a lot of them, just so that I can continue to build houses sell them or use them to house the you know, homeless population here in Atlanta and just kind of take care of the problem that way.
Cool man, is that?
Yeah, No, it's uh, it's a cool it's a cool idea. That's a cool idea. Well, Matt, you listen. You sound like you got you sound like you're doing all right. Well, if I had to rank the if I if I had to rank you on a scale from like most depressed person I've heard on the show to least depressed person I've heard on the show, myself included, myself very much included. I would I would put you on the lower end of that spectrum.
Which I I hope, I hope you're proud of.
Thank you. I do appreciate that.
Go ahead, go ahead.
Can I ask you like, has my voice sounded like shaky and nervous this entire time?
I want it? Really truly, hasn't I've it?
Really?
You sound you sound quite confident. Actually you sound uh I like your voice not to be you know, weird, but you know you have a you have a nice voice.
Thank you. I do appreciate it. And yeah, thanks thanks to being in front of so many people.
No, you were you were You were great man, I and thank you again for the kind of words he said at the beginning. They really were.
We're sweeten and mental lot.
Oh absolutely, and Lyle, you have millions of people who watch.
A million who knows, who knows? They all come for.
They all come for a reason, man, like you're just a likable person and you have such a great way of thinking, like you gotta stop ragging on yourself so long.
Thanks Thanks man. I'm gonna I'll try not to. I'm gonna try. I keep saying, I'm gonna try to hate myself only the I think there's an optimal amount of of hating yourself, and I'm trying to get there. I think it's probably on the lower end of what I currently do now, and I'm gonna try to try to get there.
I don't think you gotto. I think you gotta. I think you got to hate the fact that there are goals that you haven't yet accomplished, but not yourself in the fact that you have accomplished, but hate the fact that arns has that you haven't done.
You're You're a good You're a good guy, James. I.
I'm I I have a lot of respect for you.
Well, thank you. I appreciate that.
You have a good rest of the nam and take care you two. Law That was that was nice. That was a nice gentleman. I'm trying to think if I have any post call thoughts on that. Uh yeah, that guy, that guy was cool.
What did he say?
He said what he said at the beginning to me, that was really nice that I'm trying not to. I don't have to understand everything. I don't know. I don't know what I'm I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. I don't really know. And I maybe that's I should shouldn't be so open about that, but I but I do. I wonder, I wonder sometimes, but I also whatever, it's fine. I'm gonna eventually close. I'm gonna eventually close my laptop and I'm gonna go outside and I'm gonna go for a walk and there'll be It'll be like I've never was it ever?
Anything? Is that crazy? Do I sound crazy?
Right now?
Let's keep going, Let's keep taking calls.
Hello, Hello, Hi, Hey, do me a quick favor. Can you can you take me off of speakerphone and turn off your stream?
You're not on speaker but I'm at a concert right now. Is this level of volume like background noise acceptable?
Wait?
Why are you? Why are you calling me from a concert?
Because I'm waiting to go on. It's a it's a like a classical music kind of concert. So we're just waiting around to go on.
Oh okay, Oh I see you're performing in this concert?
Yeah?
Wait a seton?
Is this liles?
Like for real? This isn't This isn't a screener?
What do you do? What are you performing in the concert?
Well, we're playing with a jazz clarinetta's named Duren Ketchens and we're playing uh House of the Rising Sun, What a Wonderful World on a couple other tunes, and I'm playing the bassoon.
That's cool. M hmm, what are you excited? Wait? I'm so cure? Why do you Why are you calling me? This seems like something you'd want to like be in the moment of Like I feel like most people call me when they're like kind of bored, Like would you?
Are you not?
Would What made you want to call me in the middle of all this?
I'm not doing much. Everyone really has their own friends. But I saw that you were taking calls, so I decided to take a chance, and I didn't think i'd get this far.
Oh wow, Well, how long have you been playing the bassoon for?
Or about ten years? A little less than ten years?
Oh geez?
What are you in like school for that or what what are you doing?
Yeah? I'm in college for it.
Wow, you said every you said everyone has there for you? Don't have any friends in the in the in the thing that you're doing.
I have some friends, but they have friends, so they're talking to their friends, and I'm just sitting here waiting.
Why didn't you beat Why don't you go be friends with your friends friends?
I struggle to socialize. I'm working on it.
Okay, a couple.
Of my my friends are actually in the audience.
What the wind do you go on?
Probably in like, I don't know, five ish minutes, maybe maybe ten between five and son.
What I'm cure? What is a basoon? What is a bassoon?
It's a large woodwind instrument that uses a read It's like four feet tall. If you google it'll it'll come up.
Okay, so you play the bassoon, you're about to go with your the opening for someone?
Not really, I mean like there's two different bands in the college. So like the band I'm in went first, and now the other band's on, and then we're gonna combine the bands and play with the guest artist.
Cool.
How is college going?
It's pretty good. It's better than last semester. Last semester was a little rough.
Why is that?
I was going through a lot of like outside issues and I was actually I was actually leaving a guy and had to like find an apartment and stuff. And I had him been to college before that in like three years, so it was a big adjustment and just like getting used to all that stuff.
And how are you doing now? You say you're having trouble like socializing. Is that for like a preferred particular reason or are you just kind of trying to come into your own universe?
I guess coming to my own. I have social anxiety, and I also feel very inferior to most of the people here because they're very talented and I don't feel as talented.
Interesting you you feel inferior? You say, I think that. I do think that being like self confidence is necessary to be for social to kind of cure curb social anxiety, because not that you have to like think you're better than everyone else. But you just have to know that you're like a decent enough human being that other people's opinions of you don't matter, so you don't have to be afraid of them, you know.
Yeah, yeah, I've I've definitely struggled with that for a long time. And I'm at the point where, like I know that stuff cognitively, it's just about like believing it and like you know, acting on it. And it's just like a physical like change in my brain where I'm just like in fight or flight where I'm just like, oh my god, everyone hates me or whatever. And it's like a daily thing to just either give in or you know, like you said, just like realize, you know, I'm another ants on the ground and I've been recently you know, doing the latter and just like talking to people and uh, just finding I have to connect like the second of what I said, So like, you know, just you know, being among my fellow musicians.
Cool. Cool, that's great. Yeah, you're in a scene. You're in a scene of people doing stuff. I'm I'm almost I almost feel bad talking to you right now because i feel like I'm keeping you from like actually socializing. Do you do do you do stuff like this a lot, like like go off into the corner and like go on your phone or stuff like that.
I mean kind of I do. I do kind of like you know, dip my toe in, so like I'll uh, you know, stay in my little corner and then I'll like try to socialize someone and then like the conversation will in and I'll go back to my corners. And that sounds kind of a drab. But I would be just on my phone right now if I wasn't talking to you, And I'm really happy to be talking to you. I we actually talked, and I think twenty twenty two when you had Cucko as a guest.
Oh cool, cool cool, So fuck eat fuck man? What what have you? What do you scroll on your phone when you're like, like, when you're like, if you weren't talking to me, you'd be just in the corner scrolling on your phone.
What would you be doing?
Well, Yeah, before I called you, I was on Instagram and that's how I saw that you were alive. So I was on Instagram and I do a lot of sadoku, A lot of sadoku. I check my email and try to be productive.
Okay, but you're like backstage at a concert, and there's like, I'm just I'm just very I'm very confused. Also, like where are you? Are you alone right now? Like where are you that you're talking to me?
I'm in a room full of people, but they're they doing their own thing?
Okay, can they hear us talk?
I mean some of them can hear me. Most of them aren't paying attention. And I don't mind saying what I'm saying in front of the people who can hear it.
Okay, Okay.
The bassoon, huh, what's the Let me how. I'm gonna google what a bassoon looks like because I actually don't think I know.
But soon, Oh.
That's a a Oh, it's got it's got the little it's like a fucking saxophone. Fucked uh a clarinet and had a little baby. Yes, well look at this love that Look at this little it's like a little straw connected to a clarinet. That's crazy.
Yeah, that's called the vocal.
The vocal and you play that you've you've played that shit for ten years.
Just about. Like I said, I had to take a three year break, but otherwise I've been playing it.
Oh are you still there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you hear me, Oh yeah, I can hear you.
Okay, So what's your how old are you?
I am twenty four.
And what's your dream? Or use your dream? To become like a SoundCloud bassoon player?
I mean maybe there is jazz perposu. I honestly, I have no idea at this point. I'm trying to just keep it more in the day and more in the short term, just like I want a degree. Want to get a degree, and then I'll go from there. I like to teach music and talk about music, but I don't. I lost a lot of confidence with that and I find I'm better one on one anyway. So that's what I'm doing for now. I'm just doing lessons. I don't know. I just really love music and and like a general dream would be to just like have a nice house somewhere like in that kind of woodsy but not too woodsy, and just you know, be financially stable.
Cool.
The bassoon huh hm hmmm, yeah, theon. Do you play other instruments? What other instruments do you play?
Yeah? Actually my first instrument was the flute, and I played that for a long time. I can play the flute, the clarinet, the saxophone, the bassoon, the phonium or the tuba and the piano.
That's so many things. You're like a one A one lady band.
Yes, Yeah, when's your album? We'll see. I'm I'm better at like playing music than creating it. I mean I have like mad like one song, but I lost it because it was for an assignment and I can't access it, so I'd have to recreate it.
Okay, sorry, if I'm about to say something was really dumb, I already k listen. I can. I kind of understand the answer to the question I was about to ask, But like, what really is the difference between playing music and creating it?
Well, with playing music, you don't have to worry about creating it like someone else already made it, so you can just like play what's on the page without having to worry about like making stuff up by yourself. And then creating music is like the opposite, where you don't have to worry about being able to play whatever you're writing. You can just write the craziest shit and worry about someone else playing it.
But so you never just sit down on that piano when you're just like jamming out, making fucking noises and sounds until something sounds like something you like hearing.
You never do that, really, no, although I have some jazz background, so I'm able to kind of improvise, but no, but there are people.
Who do that. You know. That's so interesting because I have like crazy ADHD and I'm like, if I were to, if I if I were any good at any musical instrument, I would just sit down and fucking just start hitting buttons until something did did some you know?
Yeah, Well I suggest the piano because you don't have to worry about producing it sounds like you would on the trumpet or something like. You just press the key and you kind of just fuck around and do whatever you want until something sounds good. Like you said, so that might be up your alley, you know.
Uh hm hmm. What So you said you left a guy to uh come to college.
You don't want to play the piano?
Huh what?
What? What do you mean?
You changed the topic. It's okay, It's like I'm just busting your balls. Yeah. So, yeah, I was in a pretty long relationship that wasn't very great, and I had to gather my resources to leave, so I did that and it took a long time, and then part of that was getting back into college.
That's what I cool.
That's cool.
Are you Are you going on dates and stuff now or are you with to wish someone new? It's uh, what's up?
Not really no, like I said in More and one on one. So like you know, there's someone I'm you know, associating with, but cool. Yeah, yeah, And I'm fine with that because I've had enough, Like after what I've been through, I've had enough.
We love some red hot association. That's very nice.
Oh yeah, No, connections are great.
Uh well, I just I still feel bad that I'm talking to you because you're in a room full of other people that you could talk to. You see your friends. You your friend is talking to their friend, but you've drawn a line in the same and that your friend's friend is not your friend. Why have you? Why have you drawn that line?
Well, I mean for two things. I'm when there's a practical like you know, three to crowd, and like I I don't know this person, so I don't know like what I could talk about or bring up with them, So it's just like pretty impractical. I ended up just I end up just like listening most of the time. And there's also I forgot. Oh yeah, that's just like insecurity of like they don't like me, and even if I don't know if they like me for sure, I'm just gonna assume they don't like me, and you stay away.
Why can I can I get? Can I go? Can I get a little crazy with you for a second? Can I go? Can I go a little crazy? Can I get? Can I get on my fucking can I get? Can I get on my ship with you? Right now?
Yes?
Please?
Please?
Do?
Can I be? Can I be a little bit of a crazy man?
Already?
Uh? Why do you? Why? Why do you? Why do you want? Don't you just assume that you're fine and that everything's fine, and just assume that as long as you approach these people with positive intent, that they will approach you with positive intent, or even if they're dicks, it's like who cares, you know.
Yeah, well that's what I'm working on now. And yeah, I think it's more just about like managing my reactions to when things get awkward, you know, and just not beating myself up too much about it, because like I just get really embarrassed, like when things don't go well socially, and I'm just like, oh, I should never have opened my mouth to that kind of thing. But you know, that's something I got to get over because the alternative is just like isolation.
You know. Last night I was walking around Brooklyn at night. I was on my way home from like I went to a friend's house, and there was a bunch of people standing outside.
Hold On, I after sneeze.
Waitah, fuck, there was a whole lot. Hold on, I have to sneeze again, God damn it. I was gonna tell the story and I was about I had it out, the whole thing in my head, and I'm gonna sneeze. All right, Okay, we're keeping this, We're keeping this all in. We can't cut this out. There's a there's like a there's like a fourth of a sneeze that's still come into me.
All right, fuck this fuck okay, I probably have to go soon.
Okay. I was walking through Brooklyn and there were there were all these people standing outside of what looked like like an art gallery. And I was like, what all these people standing outside of an art gallery? Four and uh because it's like ten pm and I was like, hey, what is there an event going on, and they were like, uh yeah, there's like a gallery, there's like an event. I was like, oh cool, can I come in because I wanted to know what was going on? And they were like, they were like, uh no, we're kind of winding down. It's kind of like a private thing. And I was like, that's cool. How's your guys' night going? And they and I could just tell they didn't want I could tell they didn't want to they didn't want to talk to me, and so I do. And by the way, when they could tell that someone doesn't want to talk to me, I'm media. I'm pretty.
I can just be like, all right, that's cool.
I'm just gonna leave. But I left and I was like, you know, that was like, on paper, embarrassing, but I wasn't embarrassed by it at all, because look, here's the thing. In another universe. I go up to a group of people standing outside of an art gallery and I'm like, what's going on? And they're like, hey, man, we'rever the party fucking come on in. Life's great. What's your name? How you doing? How's life? Right?
Yeah?
But but but but if I don't become the kind of person and take confidence in being the kind of person that at the very least puts himself out there for interactions like that to happen. If I don't become a person that does that because I'm afraid of how people might react, you know, I I I close myself off to uh social connections and adventures that I would have had had otherwise had I been more more brave. And so I don't really mind if that particular instance I didn't work out. I'm not embarrassed by that. I'm not ashamed of that. I'm quite the opposite. I'm actually happy with myself that I that I, uh put myself out there in that regard, and so I I I hope, I hope you. I hope you understood I guess what I just said and that it uh.
Made just real quick because I do understand you got to go yeah literally myself like a minute or so. But like, uh, I agree, And I'm actually more likely to talk to strangers like while I'm out and about, Like it's I think it's just the pressure of like, you know, that people know me. So like when I can talk to strangers and I actually talk to stranger strangers when I'm like on the train and stuff and to make conversation and I like it and it's fun and like you said, like the opposite like outcome could happen where like they welcome you in and shit. And I've had that kind of stuff happen to me, like especially since running away, and it's like been really cool and like I can actually live and I've you know, I've learned that like people aren't actually that bad like strangers. You know, they're mostly like you and me. It's just that gamble of like are they a murderer or not? But other than that, like people are fine to talk to. I've made like plenty of friends that are strangers and I love it. And I think it's really just like the pressure of like maintaining a rapport with people. That's when the social anxiety comes in.
Well, what's your name again, Joe Anne? Joanne? I know you got some basoons to play, so I'm gonna let you go. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
A couple of things. Well, first, I want to say completely platonically and because of how like great you've had it, like the impact you've had on people and myself like I love you like, thank you how much? Yeah, and also try to lay off the weed. It's it's better if you do.
I'm gonna go smoke weed right fucking now, just because you said that.
When you're ready, you're ready, you'll you'll.
Give it up, all right, Thank you very much, Joanna. I have a good night.
It's so bye bye bye bye.
Listen, man, here's the thing. I don't play the bassoon or any other woodwind instrument, so I can get high all I want and it won't impact my life at all, except for the fact that it is destroying my brain and my giving me a lot of anxiety and memory loss and making me eat four thousand calories a day. But other than that, it's totally fine. Hello.
What's going on?
Man?
Hi there, sir? What is your name? My name is Antonio, Antonio. What's going on? How can I get you today?
Sir?
Uh?
You know, just uh, We're gonna say the usual kind of bullshit, you know, a long time listener, first time caller. Uh? Yeah, man, just want to chime in about life. Just see what's you know, get a little bit of a get advice if possible.
You want to chime in about life. Well, go ahead, Surfloor's years.
All right.
Well, uh shit, I mean, what do I ever begin to be honest?
Uh?
Well, I'm a bartender, been in the service industry for about like ten eleven years right now, and I'm trying to break out of the industry, but I'm kind of stuck within this stupid little self deprecating cycle of mine, which is a hello, annoying to say the least.
Tell us more.
Well, Uh, you know, I've been, like I said, been doing this about like ten eleven years now right now. Work in a hotel, like a bar hotel, like really like the heart of uh Chicago. I live in Chicago. Uh it's cool enough, but uh, ever since COVID, like the service industry has just been like fucking garbage. It's just a bunch of like good people left and a bunch of new people took over, and nobody knows what they're doing, and they're just hiring a bunch of green ass people that don't know what they're doing neither. And it's just a fucking best And I'm trying to get out, man Like, it's like it's weird. Uh, It's it's cool because if you know, I keep a roof over over my head. You know, I take care of my son and shit like that, but it sucks so like I'm trying to break in a voice of a work of voice acting. But uh, it's just hard to like find like the motivation and like the focus, you know what I mean. I can deal with a bunch of drunken assholes not stop all day.
How old are you? I'm thirty four, thirty four, And how old are your son?
Actually he's going to be turning eleven September twenty seventh.
Oh very cool. Are you just you supporting him or do you have a partner of some kinds?
Well, his mother, you know him and his mother. They live in Michigan. So I get him every other weekend. I was supposed to get him this weekend, but she had complications with her car. So I'm like, all right, man, it's it's whatever, you know.
So she's in Michigan. Where are you.
I'm in Chicago?
Okay, oh my god, Oh don't make me do this. All right, hold on, I'm in front of a computer. Okay, I'm glad you're doing that much a fucking idiot, I am. Hold on, I feel like those are dude. For a second, I was like, wait, Chicago's in Michigan, right, And I was like, no, okay, all right, all right, okay, yes these are these are two places that are close by to each other. I'm a fucking all right anyway anyway, okay, So hmmm, so you've been in service industry for eleven years trying to break out to do voice acting. I mean this sounds like it's a financial quoting, you know, because everything gets a little bit harder when you got like a kid to support, you know, are you are you? Are you out here?
Like?
Are you out here? Like how do I make enough money off of my succulent wind pipes to uh to support my son and eat food and ship?
Never got that before, but I like that circular windpipe all right. Now it's more so just like I don't know what it is to be honest, man, because like how can I how can I put it? Like like I'm good, you know what I mean? And like, uh, I just uh moved to my own spot. I got out of like a super toxic relationship that I was in for like fucking like six seven years. COVID prolonged that, unfortunately, because everything shut down but finally got out, I got all my shit together within like a month or two, you know what I mean, and to spend a pretty penny. But I'm definitely more content, more peaceful now, you know. My whole thing was like all right, like maybe now that I'm alone that I'm like doing my own thing, I can like focus on what I got to do. But then by the time, you know, and to deal with the little silly ass shenanigans at work and all the other shit, by the time I finally get home, it's like I'm like depleted. And then what I mean by like self deprecating cycle, it's like I'll be home or I'll be off like today, and it's like all right, let me, you know, put away everything, like turn my phone on. We focused and like do what I gotta do. But there's like no like push or drive, which in return upsets me a little bit because it's like, dude, why you got to be like that? And then it's like I'm even more pissed on myself because I'm kind of like felf reflecting at the same time and like noticing it from like a outer perspective, which in result pisses me off even more because it's like, my guy, why you got to do this to yourself? Like I'm pretty hard on myself. So it's just like a constant, fucking like loop.
And it's like, so if I.
Were, if I were to summarize everything you just said in five words, it's why can't I lock in?
There? Yeah? You know, yeah, there you go.
Why can't you're trying to lock in? So you were all right, so you were in the bad relationship and you got out of it and you got your own place, and then you were like all right, uh now and then and then you were like, all right, now that I'm alone, now that I don't have I'm not wayed down by this this thing, I can lock in right.
Yeah.
It's kind of cool, by the way, I experience this all the time. I experienced this all the time where it's like you have some kind of I don't know what that noise was, where you have some kind of like thing externally in your life that you get to point at and you get to go, well, okay, I would lock in, but I got this external thing, and I can just delay my locking in until this external thing is gone, and then what happens with that fail every time. Maybe not every time. Actually, I'll give it to some external things. Some external things can genuinely be blocks to locking in. A lot of them can. But but it's like you, I don't know where the line is between it being a genuine block and it being kind of a scapegoat, because I don't know. For me, it's like anytime, anytime I do have that time, I'm still faced with the same problems of that are preventing me from locking in, that that are not cured by the removal of external thing. I don't have any of what I just said made any fucking sense. But what are you trying to lock in? What do you what are you trying to lock in to do?
Uh?
Like what does locking in mean?
At least for me, just locking in, it's just like, you know, just getting out of my own fucking dumb ass edn't mind it, just like yo, like stop like procrastinating, stop like you know, like letting all this other like just strength and anxiety of like the world and being a father and doing this and doing that, like way the fuck down, Like stop bugging out. If it's like do what you gotta do, because like I'm kind of at the point in my life, you know what I'm saying with like I'm over like just servicing people and working for people who fucking suck, you know what I mean. And that's like the one thing that like I really don't want to do because you know, like I was saying, like COVID kind of screwed up the service industry like in a home, you know, like it completely fucked it up. You know, my cop I've worked with him like in other places and mind you, like I've worked in like michilin Star places I've worked in like little hole in the walls that like nobody gives a shit about. And I got it. I got my cousin the job or where I'm at, and they did him.
Super bogus, and uh you know that.
Same year, it's like probably two years ago because I've been at the same place for like seven years now. Like two years ago when like I got him in where I'm at and like they did a bogus. He hopped around like literally like seven or eight different like bars and restaurants. It was the same thing, like hey man, like come through like it's felt the money's good. Then like a month or two later, hop management sucks. They fucked me over. I'm at this new place. Come here another month later, they fucked up my hours. I'm at this other place. So it's like, I don't want to have to hop from like bar to bar, dop a job to bank and be to make a living type ship, you know. So like my whole thing is like, is if I can get this voice acting like voiceover works like off the ground, like I want that to be kind of like more like of my main like source of income because in that case, like I can work wherever and it wouldn't have to bother me that much, but also hopefully give me a little bit more free time on my hand, so I can spend some more time with my ship. Because I got a flight and I got all that other stuff. I just take that withever.
Sure. Well, look here's the thing. I have no idea how one goes about pursuing a career in voiceover work. If I were you, I would reach out to people who have careers and voiceover work, and h I would I would see, you know, with their with their advice. Is but you're talking you're talking about you're talking about trying to start a business to replace your job. The upstart of doing that, unfortunately, is gonna be like crazy, you know, because the amount of the amount of hours are going to put into that is a lot. I don't think you shouldn't do it. I think it's worth it to do it. But I mean, if that's what I would do, and I would go find people who actually are doing this for a living and see what their advice is. I mean, you gotta make tiktoks and Instagrams, and you gotta make tiktoks, you gotta make instagrams, you gotta make YouTube videos.
People. I've had people tell me that shit like a lot, and like because where I work at like it's like I work like at the heart of downtown, so like I beat tons of people and like I met famous people and stuff. I'm taking care of them, Like I got to be Thundercat. He was cool as shit Earl sweatshirt. I don't know if you've see Tokyo Drift, but the bad dudes from Tokyo Drift, Drift King, I got to take care of him and his wife. They were super nice.
By the way, you met the Drift King. Actually I don't know who that is, but he does sound cool. Go ahead, and and what did all these people tell you?
Well, the same thing, like yo, just like do it? You know what I'm saying. Like I've met this one guy from a to some you know, random white dude. He told me that he did marketing advertisement for Mercedes for about like thirty years, like he was retired. And I told him how during COVID, I was on this site called voices dot com. It's like a LinkedIn for voiceover artists, but like how it was like a Hello weird. The structure was, it's like a five hundred dollars annual feed. You get paid every Friday if you do gigs, but they take a twenty percent platform feed. And you know, I get emailed all these jobs, but some of them wouldn't even pertain to like be specifically because it's like, be real, I don't think you want to hear this type of voice of like a Gerberg commercial or anything like that, you know what I mean. And he's he's like, yo, like that's cool now, But what you need to do get you make yourself a demo reel and find yourself an agency to represent you. That way, they can do all the grub work for you He's like, yeah, you'll still have to break them off some money, like you know, because obviously like they need their cut, but they can find things specifically tailored for your voice and that you build a portfolio and a repertoire widow so they can recommend you to other things and other avenues that's more tailored for you and the way that you stun So I do got a real like that I got to fix up and everything. But a lot of the agencies that I looked at they want headshots along with like the demo reel, and I mean a lot of the other players I've looked at headshots are at least like four hundred dollars, like just.
For a couple of photos and stuff.
So I think it's more so just kind of like preparing my pockets for this amount of money out by the drop on everything, you know. But it's still just like a weird mental block. It's like, yo, like why why I gotta be stupid? Why can't what's the deal?
You know what I'm saying, Let's see someone. I try not to look at the chat while I'm on the calls, but someone said, ghek, you got to tell this guy about people who do spicy audio on OnlyFans.
Yeah, my ex recommended that to me. She's like, dude, you don't even gotta show your face or like show anything, just fucking talk and say something like people would eat that up.
Listen. Man, I don't know if I have any better random white guy advice than than the other guy. You just gotta do ship, you know, you just gotta just kinda I I I hate saying into a microphone. I hate giving advice, but this is the only thing I can think of, is you just gotta you gotta do sh it. Man. There's no I'm not a master of I mean, it's adderall. It's cool if you have trouble focusing, but yeah, just you gotta fucking do things. There's no I don't think there's any kind of a secret sauce to it. Uh you know, I mean, I'll say this, this is, this is, this is, this will be my official word to you, good sir.
Is.
Yes, there's a universe of agents in a backstage and blah blah blah blah blah, and there's things you can apply for and all that stuff. But to me, and I'm just speaking because this is how I was able to do anything with myself is you gotta make tiktoks and Instagrams and you know, build your own social media YouTube universe for yourself, you know, because knocking knocking on doors is one thing, but I think you got to kind of create your own things so that people are knocking on your doors. And as far as how to get over procrastination to lock in to do it, I mean, I got really lucky. My My period of time of locking in was right when the pandemic started, which was the perfect time to lock in because I didn't have any fomo. You know, There's many times I tried to lock in before that where I was like, eh, i'm too I'm distracted by all there is to other other things that are already do in the universe. But I got lucky because that was I experienced, as we all did, you know, we experienced a unique period of time where uh there was literally nothing else to fucking do except except to lock in. So my advice to you is to unleash a global virus onto the universe so that uh literally nothing can distract you. That's what That's what I would say.
I get that, man, And yet like, yeah, I know it's all just internal man, Like I gotta fucking just get out of my own head about it, you know what I mean. But yeah, like you said, like I bad, other people say the same thing, like bro, just make it TikTok, make it big and just put your shit out there, you know what I mean. But it's all just like internally that like is just blowing me. I guess you could say, which You're just like, Yeah, I just got to get over my own head, of my own thoughts.
What's your name again, sir? And does Antonio? Yes, I totally sick. I'm remembering lots of people's names today, Antonio. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Uh, it's a beautiful day, man, enjoy yourselves, love one another, and uh should keep keep on trucking.
But they have a good night, sir, You too.
My dude, O.
Guy, he I mean he has he's got a good voice. He's got a good voice. Uh how to do voice actor work? I don't know. I don't know how to do anything. That's the thing about advice. Advice is very specific. I only know how to do things that I can do, and I'm not good at locking in. I'm really not h this. All of what I've built as a Gecko has been as a result of like I yeah, they got a pandemic and it's it was a it was a kind of unique distraction free time. But I don't know. As you get older, life gets more there is less time to do stuff, especially if you have a kid. But I don't know. I think Antonio will find a stride. He's just he's He's got a good vibe to him, which is helpful. So I hope, I hope he becomes the next uh Tara Strong and he voices, he voices Timmy Turner. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week that's right at an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to. By becoming a Premium member of Therapy Gecko over at Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad free podcast feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my live shows, members only streams, and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode. The Spider Man movies have a very noble philosophy behind them. Flash Thompson, he's like an asshole to Peter Parker. The whole movie just beats he b punches him in the face, beats him up for no reason. And then Peter Parker gets bit by the radioactive Spider and so he gets into a fight with Flash and like fucks with him. Fucking Uncle Ben comes into school and he's like, were you humiliating that poor kid? And Peter goes, I was, but he deserved it. What does Uncle Ben say? It says it doesn't matter if he deserves it. Peter, you gotta be the bigger man, because with great power comes great responsibility. I was watching this and I was like, damn, that's some noble ethics from the Spider Man movies. The world could use that. If you want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium member at Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com, or find the link in the episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right, I have nothing else to say.
Therapy can goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night.
There can goes to hide.
You're just teaching you aloud in the memory of life.
Money's not ready, an expert
