Therapy GeckoA caller and I talk about leaving the matrix, if Jimmy Neutron is a bad guy, moving on from a break up, the South Park pinball machine, and other life stuff.
Afterwards a caller and I get very meta and another caller gives us all hope.
Go look at a bird. I am a gecko.
Send an email to therapygeckomail@gmail.com to maybe have it possibly read on the show potentially.
SUPPORT THE LIZARD AGENDA: therapygecko.supercast.com
FOLLOW ME ON GECKOGRAM: instagram.com/lyle4ever
GET WEIRD EMAILS FROM ME SOMETIMES BY CLICKING HERE.
Follow me on Twitch to get a notification for when I’m live taking calls. Usually Mondays and Wednesdays but a lot of other times too. twitch.tv/lyleforever
Hello, Hey, what's up. What's your name? I'm Jack, Jack, What's up? How's life?
You know?
I'm living?
Is this the gek This is a man in a gecko suits who is here right now talking to people? I was I was watching an Instagram reel of and it was Jim Carrey and he was at like some awar show and he was like talking to some lady with a microphone and he was like, nothing is real, man, and I'm just a guy and I'm crazy. And I was watching this and I'm like, I really hope I don't sound like that sometimes, although I got I understood everything he was saying when he was talking about this is where this the sensation Like like Jim Jim Carrey, I think when he's going insane, he's left the matrix. And I get what he's saying because I've also had times where my brain left the matrix. But I'm I you know what is full the full circle is like the matrix is pretty good. I'm sorry I'm talking over you. I'm just stream of consciousness going and saying. But we'll get into just the matrix is good. It's good to be in the matrix. The matrix is great. I was go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
It's kind of funny because Sonic the Hedgehogs like brought him out of the matrix.
Wait, how did Sonic the Hetchhog? Now, wait, hold on, tell me further. How do you believe son of a Hedgehog brought him out of the matrix?
Whenever he was like really like he was saying like all the depressive stuff. It was like right before he started doing the first Sonic movie and he was literally like, I'm done with movies, Like the next movie that gets delivered to me would have to be like a script written in gold. And then he started doing Sonic the Hedgehog. And he's only done Sonic the Hedgehog since then.
Mm hmm so wait, so t so, how is Sonic the Hedgehog wouldn't wouldn't doing something like a Hdgehog put him back into the matrix.
Well, it kind of like snapped him out of it, you know, because he was saying like nothing matters, and then well I guess, I guess I guess what you're saying. Yeah, he kind of pulled him back in.
No, well like being saying nothing matters. Okay, here a whold on, And I'm By the way, this is a two sided conversation. I want to hear your opinion on this. I'm just gonna throw it out there. The so, when Jim Carrey is talking about how nothing matters and this none of this is real and whatever, he has left the matrix, right and then going to doing Sonic the Hedgehog is rejoining the matrix. But part but I think the because when you're doing so the he when he's doing somea like the Hedgehog, he is like when he's doctor Egman and he's doing a silly voice and he's like working and he's doing stuff, and he's like attempting to actively participate in life. He has rejoined the matrix. But I think the the hero's journey of leaving the matrix ends with realizing that being in the matrix is good.
You know.
There the like you like, you know, it's a weird bell curve of like you know that meme Do you know what I'm talking about? The meme where it's like a dumb guy and he's like, what's that fucking meme? Hold on, I'm gonna look that.
Do you know what I'm talking about? By the way, I do not hold on.
Bell curve meme, thanks for hanging out with me while I do this. Okay, okay, okay, the bell Okay, the bell curve meme. And it's like it's like a Wojack meme. Do you know what wojack is? Yeah, Okay, it's a woj Okay, it's a Wojack meme. And it's like it's like, Okay, at the beginning of the bell curve is like a really like is like dumb, like idiot wojack. Right, I look, you're looking at Okay, you're looking at it, right, you're looking at you're looking at it right now. Yeah, And it's like, uh, like I'm looking at one right now where it's like I just do whatever I feel like, And it's that's the dumb guy. He's like in the bottom one percent, right, And it's like that's like that's living in the matrix. Right, that's like I I do the Sonic the Hedgehog movie and I play pickleball and I paint. It's like, this guy's a fucking idiot, doesn't he really? And then okay, right, okay, so so at the at the bottom of the bell curve is dumb Wojack guy, right, and and this guy's like, I do the Sonic the Hedgehog movie, and I paint, and I play pickleball and I go to award shows and it's like that guy's in the matrix, he's an idiot. And then okay, and then and then at the at the top of the bell curve, do you see you see, right, you're looking at the same thing I'm looking at. Yeah, Okay, the top of the bell curve, you have the crying Wojack, the guy who's like stressed, right, that's at the top of the bell curve. And that guy's going like the guy at the bottom is a fucking idiot, all right, he doesn't he realize that nothing matters and what And he's an idiot. He's doing the Sonic the Hedgehog movie and he's fucking playing pickleball and nothing matters, right, And like that guy left the matrix, right. And then at the end of the bell curve, the top like the high IQ at the end of the bell curve, you see the guy in the hood. You see that, Yeah, that guy that's Jim Carrey going back to do Sonic the Hedgehog enlightened, realizing that the end of the hero's journey of leaving the matrix is fucking the enlightenment is, Oh, I'm gonna do the Sonic the Hedgehog movie and play pickleball and participate in life and society. That's the that's like the ultimates, yea, and like that's his fucking hero's journey is is you start dumb, You're like, oh, I'm in the fucking matrix, and then you have an existential crisis and you go, what what a fucking idiot participating in life? And then at the end, the hero's journey is wait a minute, the Act, the Golden Script, the whatever, it is just fucking doing the fucking Sonic the Hedgehog movie and participating in life. That is the end of the enlightenment path, you know. So that's what I think. Yes, yeah, that's the I'll show you. So that's that's what I think he's doing. Is that's that's he's at the bottom of he's at the end of that bell curve where he's so enlightened that he's doing the Sonic the Hedgehog movie. I guess I don't know, that's that's that's kind of how I look at it.
No, I'm right there with you. It's even better because you know you brought you brought Adriel butt in, he got Keanu h He's spreading the information, he's spreading the happiness.
And it's like, look, you know, it doesn't have to be this thing written in gold. That's amazing and beautiful. It's the fucking Sonic the Hedgehog movie.
People.
It's fun. It's just fun. Life. Life can just be fun and normal, and you know it doesn't have to be this fucking script written in gold.
You know, I I completely agree.
That's the Bell Curve. What's your name again?
I'm Jack? Jack?
What's going on in your life? Jack?
Thanks for thank you so much for letting me right. I got really excited talking about that. So thanks for you're the you were you were the you were absolutely the right guy to have on the other end of the phone to entertain me while I go on this rant.
So thank you for being that. What's up with you?
Man?
You know, you know, life, life, life's definitely a lot right now. But I think I think talking about Sonic the Hedgehog with the thurpy get Go helped quite a bit.
It's just it's just it's like it's just distracting yourself, which is like a weird nihilistic thing. But then again, you get to the end of the bell curve and you're like, no, that's the point.
Well it's kind of like, uh, I kind of have an exodia right now?
What does that mean?
Uh? Like in u Yo, there's this there's this card called exodia and it's like split up into so many pieces because if you use them all, you just win the game. And I was like, I was sitting here and I'm folding my laundry, and I was a little bummed out because I'm like I couldn't go to Comic Con this year, and like all my buddies are at Comic Con right now, and now I'm gonna be able to just be like, yeah, he went to Comic Con. But I talked to the therapy get go while I was holding laundry in my trap and my and my snorrelaxed cross.
I am I. I want you to know, I'm deeply honored that I'm I'm a consolation prize for going to Comic Con. Wait, which is it? Are you just talking about San Diego Comic Con?
No, I'm I'm in Missouri's I'm in like Kansas City Comic Con.
Okay, how come you can go again? I'm sorry if you said that already.
I'm just just finances and didn't work out. I just lost my job and got dumped or not, well, we broke off. I didn't get dumped. But so I'm just staying optimistic and finding a new job and folding laundry and talking about sonic the hedgehog.
What does that mean to be staying off the mystic?
Uh?
Like, I don't know. I get out of bed every day, I go to work like, I go like a door dash and I like you roady like, which is another like delivery app see my friends, I get out? Mm hmm.
Wait what what? What is what is mystic?
What?
I so, I know that staying off the mystic as a metaphor, but what's the what's the literal mystic?
Like you mean like the end of the drink?
Start one more time?
What did you said staying off the mystic? What is the mystic?
Oh see optimistic?
Oh oh oh oh oh interesting? Okay, I thought you said you've been staying off the mystic.
That sounds that sounds cooler, it.
Sounds Can we just I want.
To just make that being like judged dread.
Yeah, yeah, I kind of, I I kind of I kind of want to take that.
Can we can we make that a thing staying.
Staying off the mystic like we don't need to get into crazy ship.
We can just but galaxy gas, which I've never done.
But what happened? Uh? What you can talk about it or not talk about it if if you want, But what happened with the missus?
All right?
I don't know. It's a it's a long complicated thing. We're both just kind of give until a point we were both more happy and just like arguing off and on and like breaking up off and on. And I was like for almost that three years, I'm like, I don't want to say too much because I don't think she'll listen, but I don't want to like oustad anything.
Sure, yeah, sure I understand that.
But it was just three years just didn't work out and we were just both unhappy. Are you and I don't want to be there? But just like a have to move on kind of thing.
Are you so? I so? I undersaid it's like a wee, it's like a it is like a difficult transition, but like, do you do you feel happier?
Like, what's your feel how do you feel in your gun? I'm curious.
I feel like I'm so focused on trying to like work on stuff on my life, then I'm honestly not thinking about it too much. Like my mom asked me that the other day. She was like, you haven't talked to like it's been like a month and you haven't like talked about like so and so. And she's like, are you like okay with it? And then I was like, I'm going to tell you the same thing I told my therapist of I know, this is just gonna suck for a while and I'm just gonna have to live through the suck and then we'll go from there.
M Yeah, there's kind of a this kind kind of a beauty in that acceptance. There's a beauty in that accept There's a weird thing and this is like, uh, philosophy bullshit that I don't know if I fully agree, but let's explore the idea because it's interesting. Is like are you still there, by the way, Okay, I was wanting you the phone cut out whatever, But it's an interesting idea to explore. It's like Okay, you do, You've you accept this is gonna suck. I will get through it and I will move past it and be victorious and whatnot versus like resistance of feeling the pain and the suck and like, how do I fucking make this fucking end right now? This is like.
Whatever, whatever pain or whatever the fuck.
It's interesting because resistance can often, like I think, lead you to interesting.
Places, perhaps.
Like I think, I don't know, I don't know, like, uh, there's a weird thing and like uh. But also but also acceptance can still lead you places actionably right because you accept the pain, because you can because you can be like like I have a friend who's like, uh, you know, he went through a thing with his lady and he went like, I'm gonna become like like, I don't know if it's he and he went like, I'm gonna become the kind of person that I thought this relationship would make me become. And I'm like mourning the the possibility of the guy that I thought it would become as a result of this relationship. And so I'm going to go do the things that I thought this person would encourage me to do.
I'm going to do them alone.
And it's interesting because I guess, I guess as I'm talking to you, I initially was I was thinking about this person, and I was like, is that a resistance to pain or is that actually, in a way, an acceptance of pain and a kind of like let me take an actionable step to transform this pain into something productive, which actually is is a form of acceptance, I think rather than a form of resistance. I guess resistance would be like, no, this is this is gonna work out, this is gonna come back, this.
Is gonna.
That.
I think that's kind of why I'm at a point of like we both agreed that we needed to do it, but I kind of like initiated it, and we both kind of like agreed. They were like like I don't like it got to a point right and feel like I could like talk to my friends about it because it's like we've had so many like micro breakups.
Oh yeah, that's that's yeah. Once you get to the point where you're once you get to the point where you're like you can't you you've talked to your friends, You've gone to your friends about an issue you're having, and you can't you can't go back anymore because they're all going to be like, You've done this dance eight thousand times and you just can't talk to us about it anymore.
Yeah, And like my therapist even said that, like like my friends are like, don't get me wrong, I could like I've talked to my friends about like I got I got drunk and played video games. We played through the fire and the flames on Fortnite. That's my buddy's house and you know we did that, and you know that was that was nice. But I feel like I'm definitely kind of just like like don't get me wrong, it sucks, but like I'm trying to, like I got a lot I want to work on, and like that was kind of one of the things we dealt with is like I didn't it didn't come across that I changed the ways I needed to, and like I knew I needed to change in some different ways. But like I also was like working at Jimmy John's before, Like I was like working at Jimmy John's and the door dashing full time and just like miserable the entire time, like when we first met, and like I feel like I'm in a much better place even with the stuff going on now that I was back then. So I'm just trying to I don't know. I got to keep telling myself that I changed in ways that were good for both of us, in ways that were good for me too, and just kind of trying to keep moving forward and changing in better ways.
That's wonderful that you have great friends that you can just get drunk and play Fortnite with.
It is actually really funny because like my two friends that I just got to play it literally said they would never play it, like they said they'd rather die than play it for like years, and then one night I just randomly messages and saying me playing Fortnite tonight, and it kind of like stunlocked them into playing it, and now one of them plays more than me.
How do you How do you know these two guys?
I met them in high school and I used to be roommates with one of them that he had kids, so we moved out.
Nice, nice, nice nice? Are these the buddies that are at comicic on right now?
Actually one of them is, Yeah, I actually just sent a message in the discord saying I'm on therapy Gecko right now, and they said prove it, and I said, watch the stream, and so I hope one of them got to hear me talk about his Fortnite addiction.
Cool.
Cool, hmmm, what's your name again, Jack? Jack? Hmm, you said, you know what, I just I keep coming This is like, I know, I feel like on this show I say the same things over and over again. But maybe that's because I just keep coming back to, you know, a lot of the same conclusions. And this is just thank your You're I appreciate you so much, just sitting on the phone with me while I rant about musings. It's like I just keep coming back to. By the way, I just I hope, I hope this doesn't come off in like a preachy way, because this is a lot of this.
This is just me.
Uh.
This is like doing therapy for myself and me coming to my own loop of realizations over and over again. It's like, like perspective keeps being the fucking thing. Like perspective just keeps being the difference between like people who I talk to on this show or just in real life, where I'm like that person is gonna be fine versus that person's is fucked. You know, It's less it's more about that than it is about like anything I think.
And I and I I redirect that back to myself.
I always I redirect that back to myself because I I I wonder with myself. I'm like, am I fucked? Am I just fucked?
For?
Like am I fucked? Or is it gonna? Am I gonna be fine? And it's like, well, it kind of depends on your perspective, and then your brain attacks you and it goes, no, there's reality and reality doesn't give a fuck about your perspective. But then but then you but then you turn around and you go, well, perception is reality, and you kind of argue back and forth with your fucking self on it.
I do you want to Yeah, yeah, like you have to keep reality in check, like I don't think there's any problem, like like you've got to feel your emotions. Like that's kind of the thing I keep like, like running into here is like I like, I like, in my head, I know I'm not being cringe about it, but in my head I feel cringed for thinking like, oh, like I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. But it's also like at the same time, after remind myself like no, I'm I still I'm still the same guy. It's just this is going on and like trying to not let my mind wander too far off.
Mm hmmm mm hmm. What's uh, what's the future look like for you? What do you what do you want to do with your in life?
I might be getting a fingers crossed. I'll be getting this cool new job in about a week at this Uh. You know, like when you go to Davembusters and you have like the card you put the funds on and then you can swipe it or tap it at the games. I'm gonna work for a company that like makes those, and I'd be able to like build the kiosks and like I run support for like the arcades and bars that use them.
Nice. Nice, that's sick. Do you get to play games for free?
They have games in the break room. I was a little jealous they had they had it just in storage, but they had south Park pinball Dude.
I had, Dude. I had been searching far and wide to play the south Park pinball machine. I finally played it. I forget what I think I played it in uh, when I was in Denver one year I played the south Park pinball machine. But yeah, yeah, so it's kind of a bad pinball machine. Actually that's sad to hear.
Yeah.
Wait, actually I forget if maybe it wasn't maybe it was fine. I like pinball machines that have a lot of stuff on them, what what, like like ones that have like three D shit in them. I don't. Like there's a lot of pinball machines that feel kind of lazy where it's like the theming of it is just like the it's all just like standard pinball, but the theming is like just like shit plastered on it, and it doesn't feel like it has uh a lot of like depth to it. I like three D. I like uh stuff in the pinball machine, you know, not just like theming at the bottom of just this standard ass pinball machine.
I agree.
I like the Star Wars once where they have like the ships like flying out towards the glass, like that's right. I don't think they just like slap like like a deadpool sticker on there and be like it's the pool pinball.
Right right, exactly, exactly exactly.
I got a weird question for you, Deek go ahead. I used to ask this question to people while playing Overwatch, and I just I've always wanted your take on it. Sure, right, yeah, boy genius or menace? Why?
Why?
But he has a nuclear powered canine? Like how is that okay?
In the sense that he brought sentience to something.
That and like someone gave him nuclear material, Like he has some kind of like a nuclear reactor or thin power in his dog that he brings to school.
That okay? That is whether or not he's a menace. I'm well, let's get into this. Is it is interesting to think about how he sources his materials, like how did he get the nuclear or whatever the fuck to get because he can't he can't just make all this stuff from scratch. He has to get certain materials that are difficult to get and did yeah, and did he get those materials through highly unethical means?
Is is kind of what you're implying.
Well, I'm like, on Young Sheldon, he tried to do the same thing, and the FBI shut up at his house and all he did was buy like smoke detectors you know, mmm mmmm If I don't know. In the movie, he got all the like he sent that toaster into space and then all the parents got kidnapped. Like where where does the Blaine fault there?
Yeah? Yeah, I guess he does. Through science. It's the question, it's the sciences the it's the question that plagues scientists often of we we were so deeply focused on whether or not we good that we didn't stop to think if we should And maybe a lot of Jimmy Neutron's inventions.
Teeter on that.
I'll say that. Here's what I'll say, and I'll say this, not having recently watched the show, is that I do generally believe that Jimmy Neutron has good intentions, that he wants to create things that serve humanity and his friends.
I could get behind that he like accidentally causes the damage.
Yeah, yeah, what do you I mean, what do you think?
I think? I think it's a double edged sword. I can I can see it like a lot of ways. But like I also remember that, like I can't remember if it was Sene or Carr, but like he turned one of them into like a combination of like the Thing and the Hulk, and like, oh yeah, I feel like growing that size. Like I feel like you just like don't turn into that and then forget about it.
Wait a minute, are you talking about. Oh, dude, there's a gnarly episode you know. I'm gonna rewatch this today. There's a gnarly episode of Jimmy Neutron that I forgot about. Do you remember the one where he makes Sheen a super genius and then Sheen completely loses himself.
And like his head gets all swollen.
Yeah, and his head gets like super swollen and it becomes like a god.
Yeah. Like he doesn't forget that, like his memory is still there, you know, like like like the day after, he's gonna remember, oh, I was a super genius and lost all of it.
Yeah, hmm, okay, I'm gonna rewatch that. Maybe maybe after watching that, I'll think he was a menace.
Watch The Jimmy Timmy Power Hour two, dude.
The Jimmy Timmy Power Hour was my ship growing up.
Yeah, I gotta rewatch that. I gotta rewatch it.
You know what, I'm not into like movies at all. I don't really and I'm I'm I've never been into like serialized dramas or like movies or whatever. Like I would gladly just sit down as an adults and rewatch The Jimmy Timmy Power Hour. More than I would rather do that than watch like White Lotus. I don't know what that says about me.
But I'm the same way. I basically just watched King of the Hill.
Yeah, I'm not I have I don't have a long enough attention span for like to get into a fucking whole movie.
Perspect that I'm It takes very It takes a lot for me to get invested in a movie. And like I went out of uh I want to. I went to film school for a year and then it was like going every weekend of the movies and then just like again, it always stacked the Sonic because like Sonic the Hedgehog came out, then COVID happened, and then I just not to speak into the movies. But I also like I've hired everything, so it makes it hard.
I'm really happy having this conversation with you right now because I was thinking about this earlier in our conversation. Is I sometimes feel like I have forgotten how to have conversations that are like like, I really enjoy sometimes having very heady conversations about life and existential thought and the universe and meaning and self improvement and developing all this stuff. But I think sometimes I get so wrapped up in that world that I am I arrive at a place where I'm like, oh no, I've I think I've forgotten how to just have a fucking normal conversation. And then we started talking about pinball and Jimmy Neutron, and I was like, okay, I'm back, I'm bad. I feel safe in the fact that I can have have and express fully presently in my entire body refined opinions about a pinball machine that that kind of gave me some relief. I was like, all right, I'm still okay. I can still live deeply in the matrix of of can I I think I tried to talk about this on the podcast at some point, and maybe I just have dimension I forgot. But this is a this is a this is a micro story that maybe you'll understand. I was at Target the I don't this is gonna make no if you're not insane, it's gonna make no sense.
I was at Target the other day.
And I was like, I was just having like insane like thoughts, like out of matrix thoughts, and then I was I went, I was I forget what I was looking for there?
I think I was.
I wanted to Oh, I wanted to by uh for olmens or whatever. And so I went up to one of the guys working there and I was like, hey, man, do you know where the omens are? And he was like, oh, they're in an aisle three. And I was like, thanks, man, I appreciate it. And then in my head I went, oh, I'm so back in the In my head, I went, dude, I just went up to a guy in a store and asked him where something was. I'm so deeply back into the matrix right now.
This is awesome.
Like They're like, do you know what I mean? Is that?
Is that an insane thought to have?
Like? Like, oh, I'm so I'm like, I'm like a I'm like such a real person right now. I'm at a grocery store asking a guy where the omens are and getting the omens and buying them. I'm like a real person right now. I am deeply in trench in the matrix of the human experience.
No, I completely I I door d ash like just a butt tome and like I definitely feel like I'm just like running like side quest over and over again. Yeah, and then like I do something like going to the grocery store, or like like I delivered to some hotel the other day and like the lady like talked to me and told me where to go, and I was like, that's rare. Normally they pretend I don't exist, and it's like it was nice to feel like that separation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you feel like you're here. What kind of elements?
What kind of nuts do you like?
So funny thing about that I can't eat any nuts or I'll die.
Oh peanuts, all.
Peanuts, tree nuts. On my birthday, like two years ago, one of my friends excidentally gave me a moleet, which is like some chocolate like peanut butter, neat thing, I think. But I took like one bite and then I was like, oh, this has peanuts in it. And then I just, you know, I don't have an EpiPen because that's really expensive, so I just uh, I just had a MC chicken and I brushed my teeth and then I was all.
Set, Oh, I love I love mcchickens.
I agree, they just M chicken should not be two dollars, so I'm saying it's criminal.
Are they too?
They used to be one dollar right there there?
Used to be a dollar, and they like vary by location, so like the one near my house is like two sixty m m. It makes me sick.
What yeah? What have you do? You have the shamrock shake recently?
At all I had? I had?
How was that?
You know? It was? It was all right, you know I had it? Well, it was door dashing and it was uh, it was just kind of a nice little treat. It's been a super windy here though, so I uh didn't get enjoyed and it's full like experience with the windows down.
Mm hmm mm hmm. What's your name again?
Jack?
Jack? Jack Jack Jack Jack Jack?
How old are you?
Jack? I am twenty five?
Cool?
Cool, mhmm.
What else?
Older younger than you expected?
I assumed you were like around my age. What else do I? Is there anything else that you want to talk about?
I think I mentioned all the big ones, you know, the Big Chicken, Sonic, the Hedgehog.
Yeah.
What's your take on the Minecraft movie?
I have? I have no take Minecraft. I have no take on the Minecraft movie. I have no The only thing I know about Minecraft is that like kids like it, and there's like people wear a lot of T shirts of it and you know. I was never a Minecraft guy. I have no I'm very removed from from the Minecraft universe. Do you have do you have takes on the Minecraft on the Minecraft movie?
I just I like that action figure they have that looks like a joke from like Awkwardteam Hunger Force efficiently like a Jack Black like action figure. Oh yeah, he got like a middle aged dude.
What's that episode of Aquatane Hunger Force with the I know, I know the exact aquaden Hunger Force episode that you're referring to. What's the name of that fucking guy in the episode, like Meetwad gets a.
I think it's like Carl or something.
No, me meet. There is an episode of Aquatune where Meatwad gets a fucking uh action figure. But it's just like some guy if you know, if right, write us in the comments if you know the episode that we're talking about. Mm hmm. This is I really enjoyed having this conversation.
With you, Jack.
This is a dream come true.
This is a dreaming. This is a fucking dream come true for me too. Man, God damn ship fuck balls. Uh. All right, I guess, I guess, I guess I guess we can end it.
I guess we can.
I guess this can be what it was, And like, if you have anything else you want to, you know, go if you if if you don't have anything else, I'm good to move on. But if you if you have anything, if you have anything else, we can do it.
I'll I'll leave you off with one of my favorite work stories ahead. I used to work at Best Buy in Kansas. It was it was Super Bowl Someday, and it was early in the day and I was in the bathroom. We had been open for like thirty minutes, and I'm sitting there and this dude comes in and cracks open a beer on Super Bowl Sunday in this best five bathroom and he just heat He finishes three beers before leaving, and I got to have my favorite radio call the Best Buy, which I just got to tell my manager. I was like, Hey, some guy just drank like three beers in the bathroom. I don't know what you want me to do about it, but I just just let you know.
Have you eard that you ever drank three beers in the bathroom.
I don't think I'm powerful enough like I've definitely Like when I first moved out, I definitely had like a like a shower beer. You know, I think that's why TVR exists. But you know, I don't think I've dived deeper than that.
Jack.
It's a pleasure talking to you. Thanks for thanks for being on the phone with me, uh and listening to me rant and ranting yourself.
This was This was good. I hope, I hope.
Uh.
Yeah, this was good. I hope you have a good rest of your life. Jack.
I hope you have a good rest of your life. Lyle.
I'm gonna try my I'm gonna Jack. I'm gonna try my fucking goddamn best.
I believe in you.
Have a good night, Jack, have a good night.
Jack.
What a great phone call? I don't I don't know. Sometimes you know, this was good. This was I I I I truly enjoyed chatting with that guy. He was a good hang. He was a good Uh, he's a good he's a good foil too. Whatever the hell this is. Thank you, Jack, You're you're an American hero today. Hello, Hi, Hi, what is.
Your name, Amanda? What's your name?
My name is Lyle. My name is Lyle. Nice to meet you, Amanda.
What's going on with by Lyle, Oh, you know, just hanging out, but you're being a little more vulnerable today. I'm digging it.
I'm I feel like I'm always It's interesting to hear you say that because I feel like I'm always uh, I'm always doing that, and then wondering if that's a fucking good idea.
No, you share nothing about yourself. That's talk about other people's problems.
That's not true. I I I compulsively rant about my brain a lot on here.
I feel like, yeah, but like the second it's too much, We're done.
Well, yeah, sure, though I.
Was anxious, I was on my phone blah blah blah. I'm not a sucker, but I have a weird memory.
But yeah, when oh, okay, hold on, hold on, okay, so and I'll talk about it. So wait, first of all, did I when did I talk about that?
Because I forget live like this week early in the week. But the second time that okay, So, I guess the first night you did it, you weren't feeling it. I wasn't there for that. But then you picked up and you were happy. You talked to Casey the mathematician, and he had something that you were interested in. But then he had to go on his lunch break.
Oh yeah, the salmon fishing guy.
That was the last episode. Okay, so I guess for context, for context, I don't know if this is something I talked about.
I was live for that.
It wasn't like, yeah, okay, so I don't know if this was I don't know if this was fucking on the live stream or on the podcast. But yes, okay, to give context to you were saying, I remember talking about being at dinner with a couple friends, and I was just like, I was very I was just on my phone, very anxiously, writing stuff on my notes app, checking Instagram, like looking at shit.
And.
Good for you for going to dinner, Good.
For me for going What do you mean good for me for going to dinner?
No, seriously, like when yeah, it sounds like you didn't fucking feel good. Sorry, but you went to dinner anyway, and you were like, man, I wasn't having a good time.
Well oh hold on, so okay, let me, I guess, let me let me explain this, Let.
Me explain this with your anxiety at least, well, let.
Me let me explain this.
And everyone is wired differently, Everyone's wired way differently. I have for me right now, and and honestly, I I don't know. I don't know what the future holds, but for me right now, I'm the kind of person where like if I some people when they get depressed or they get anxious, they withdraw and they're like, I need to be alone in my room not doing anything. I'm I'm the opposite, and I'm like, if I am alone in my room not doing anything, I get really depressed and anxious, and I am I am like I always I have like a strong compulsion. I always want to be out of my house and around people as much as possible. I want to be out of my house and around other people as much as possible until until my goal is to do that until I'm so exhausted that I am enjoying being out of my house. I mean, that's why I have That's why I had so much fun touring and fucking doing all this shit. Right and so the the the anxiety me being on my phone at dinner, the reason I was so anxious on my phone at dinner is because I am you know, I guess like I was just being vulnerable talking about excidential crisis is all that stuff that I can talk about on here is I'm like, my brain works in such a way where I'm like, Okay, I need to solve this problem. And if I am out to if I'm out with my friend or I'm around people, and I feel like I am not taking action on any of my problems in some way, shape or form, I get anxious and I'm like on my phone in my notes appsc this is. I'm kind of in a period of my life where I'm like, you know, I've identified certain things that I'm I'm you know, would like to see change in my life, and so I'm very anxiously scribbling down ideas and things and whatnot, you know, so that I can uh solve these problems. This has This is how I've operated, I think for my whole life. I think it's too good.
I think it's how good.
I think it's how I'll probably operate for the rest of my life. Because when you when I have a problem, it just fucking fucks with my head until I can figure out how to fucking solve it. And so I just get anxious and I'm not and it's weird because I'm not present. But here's the thing, and you say, it's really good, and I appreciate that, and I actually agree with you, and I do think for I do think it's good for now. But also, let me tell you something, it fucks me in some ways because sometimes when you're on your phone and it's it's about balance, I think balance is the issue.
And this I really want you to know.
I really want people listening to this podcast to know I am not saying and I never say any of these fucking things in like a coaching I know the answer way at the end of this fucking Sometimes I know you know that, but sometimes I just want to reiterate that this podcast is like, this is me doing therapy publicly for myself, talking these things out. So this is just all for me.
Is like.
The the anxiety. Oh okay, here's what I was gonna say. There's a weird balance to it right where it's like, okay, sure, let me dedicate a part of my day and a part of my life and a part of my time to endlessly bang my head against the wall, being like I have this fucking problem and I want to solve it, and I'm not going to stop banging my fucking head against the wall until I solve it and that's great.
It's like.
It's like it's like life. It's like life sudoku. But I think I've realized. I think I've realized that I'm like, Okay, do that for some period of the day, but then afterwards, just be at dinner with your friend.
Just don't want you to stop coming on the podcast, and like I want you to be okay first and foremost, but like I sure, I personally, like I'm listening and it's like, oh me, I'm like it's wearing and he doesn't want to do this anymore, and I'm scared.
You know what. The sometimes well, but then.
You come out with a really good like like a really thing that like fills your cup, and I'm like, oh, it's fine, you know, well's.
I mean, that's what sucks? Is is Well, it's not it's not what's you know, I'm not gonna say that.
I'm not gonna say it sucks.
It just is what is. And now we're getting we're getting so meta and I don't know, I don't I actually don't even care because I'm enjoying it. Is that it just depends on the fucking day, man, Like honestly, like like today and this podcast and talking to the guy I just talked to and even talking to you right now and whatever. I'm really enjoying this. I really feel present, I really feel good, and I'm like, oh, this is a great thing. But then sometimes I just show up and I'm like, fucking, I.
Can't let me tell you something. Get it's not you.
I think it is me, No.
But no it's not. I.
Well, okay, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna let you give your perspective and then I'll give mine, but go ahead.
It's just like you're listening to these people call and talk to some of them varying on IQ levels, and it's like they're problems are not something that like you can even relate to sometimes, and if you do, you do a good job of like telling them. But like you're walking such a fine line of like your podcasts and like actually caring about these people, and like that's gonna drain anybody, Like sure, it's not.
Yeah, sure, And you know what I mean is I I I do agree with you on that. I will say that.
I will say that I don't think it's.
Bad for you. I say I like that you caught when like some days you're like, Nope, thank you. I like that. That's good. That's a good boundary.
Like, yeah, I'm happy to hear that. Thank you for thank you for the support. That's really that's very kind of you to say.
I'm not kind. I'm not.
I'm not making a judge as to whether or not I'm not making Let me tell you this, I am not making a judgment on what kind of person you are. Only you can tell me what kind of person you are. But I can with absolutely, I can absolutely objectively tell you. But it is an objective fact that I've felt kindness from you just now, in this exact moment. But I I can't. I can't stay at any other objective facts about your life as a whole, but I can object it is an objective fact that I believe that you in this.
Very moment, I want to ask you something. Go ahead, how how do you do it? Like I'm like, I just told you I'm not kind, But I feel like intellectually, like I get sometimes what you get, and I get why you call it quits, and I get why you don't want to talk to certain people, but like I can't like do what you do with like yeah, no, thanks. Like I though, boundaries are are so hard for me to like say, I like, yeah, well it's not just being a woman either. Maybe it is, well, but.
I mean, okay, well I'll tell you a couple of things. Is that one eyes, I actually really, I sincerely really struggle with that because I want, I want, like I I I struggle with that because I want when I have an interaction with folk or folks or whatever, I want to be uh perfect, you are nice.
You're you're like you draw the line without being like.
Well, I want to do that, but I I don't. But you can't if you put pressure on yourself to do that. If you put pressure yourself to be perfect, you will You're just gonna want to get you. You're gonna fucking kill yourself if you do that. Like, if you put pressure, if you put so much pressure, if you put so much pressure on yourself to fucking be a perfect you, you'll fucking kill yourself. So I I I at a certain point, and I struggle with doing this, but I think I at a certain point I have to just be like.
And again, I don't know how good about it.
I'm kind of intellectualizing it, but at a certain point, you just have to.
Go, like accept, I just want to know how you take another phone call.
Uh. The answer is that I drank. The answer is that I drank a Celsius before this, which makes me feel like a normal caffeine makes me feel like a normal person.
I don't think Celsius is that bad, and I'm an icy universe.
But how do you do how do you do well? How do you do fucking that? I mean, god, damn, that's an intense job.
I don't have to. They don't talk, they're intubated, they have a breathing tube, they're dead, and I'm keeping them alive.
I mean, god damn, that's a I mean that your your when they talk?
Why not I don't because then it's like, oh man, your life sucks, you know, but mine is worse. So like hold on, really equivalent.
Wait, you don't like when they talk because you don't like when they talk because when they talk it's.
Depressing mm hmm, or like they're problems that I can't help them with or legally I'm not allowed to, or yeah, there's you're right. Everyone is going through it. Man.
There's an episode of the show Uh Louis that I really love where Uh it's it's Louis c K's TV show.
Okay, I saw her live like after the scandal three years ago, Louie.
Okay, I guess so you've seen him before.
I'm in Syracuse. Unfortunately, I know how you feel about it.
But what do you mean you know how I I liked?
Wait?
Wait, hold on? How do I feel about Syracuse? I'm going to get back to.
The Funny Bone is not the only comedy club.
Hold on, I hold on, hold on, just I just want to set the record. I just want to set the whole on. Can I set the record straight? I had a fucking sick time at the comedy club in Syracuse.
People for Yeah, but like you hung out in a parking lot. I told you my memory is weird. I swear I'm not saying.
Wait but yeah, but yeah, I hung out. You're one hundred percent right. I did talk about hanging out in the park so much more. I hung out in the parking lot of a mall in Syracuse, and I had a sick time.
Yeah, but like everyone besides you, ah, just Syracuse. People defend themselves. So it's like podcasters are scared talk shit. But I know they don't like it here it sucks, you.
Can but look, look here's look, it's what I want what I want to I will tell you objectively. Going to Syracuse for a day to do my Gecko show and then hanging out in the parking lot afterwards.
Was a lot of fun.
Right, No, it's great. No, it was more than all right. It was a great time. But would I want to live in Syracuse? I guess not particularly, but hold on, okay, So I don't.
Live in Syracuse. I live in like, I live like fifteen miles away. But I can't, you know, I can't anyway on the subject.
Okay.
So there's an episode of Louis. It's called what's the fucking It's called Eddie and in it, I don't know if you ever watched the show, but in it this uh uh do you know the comedian Doug stan Hope.
Mm hmmm. But I'm so bad with names like.
But it's funny because that. Okay, So there's an episode of Louis that's kind of about the subject that we're talking about, and it's a little I don't know what to make of it, but it's a fast I don't know what to make of it, but it's it's a fascinating episode, so.
You should watch it. And I'm curious. I'm curious what you will think.
So in it, uh, Louie, he like does the spot at the comedy Cellar in New York, and he runs into an old friend Eddie played by Doug stan Hope, and his old friend is like this comedian that he used to run with back in the day. And then like the open mic scene and Louis had.
Seen it's, uh it's like a series.
Uh yeah, yeah, sure, I think, but so in it, Okay, So in it, it's not it's not serialized, if that's.
What you're asking, Like, I'm comparing it to my man's I think you should leave.
Yeah, sure, yeah, it's not.
It's not.
It's not. Yeah, it's not serialized. It's not like a serialized drunk. So in it, yeah, Louis is like he runs into this comedian who he hadn't seen a while and they hang out and they palor around and eventually, you know, they hang out, they palor around and like, uh, Doug Stanhope's character like kind of gets in some trouble Eddie. Yeah, he gets drunk, and you know, they're hanging out, they're talking about old times, and then eventually Doug stand Helps character says to Louis he's like, he says to him, I'm I'm quitting. I'm done, and Louie is like, way, like, you're quitting comedy. You're not gonna do comedy anymore. And he goes, I'm not quitting comedy, dude, I'm quitting life. Yeah, and he goes he goes, I'm gonna go fucking Upstate. I have one last show. I'm gonna do it, and then I'm gonna take a bunch of uh painkillers, and I'm gonna kill myself. And then Louis goes like, what do you mean you can't kill yourself? Like he's trying to like talk him out of it, and then Doug Stanhip he just laughs and he's like, he just laughs, and he goes, look, I get you're trying to do a whole big speech right now, and I get you're excited that you're doing this whole big speech, but uh, you know, look, I'm not asking you to save me. I'm just I just wanted to say goodbye to somebody. And it's really really dark episode.
Yeah, it's really really, it's really it's.
It's it's really dark. But then Louie says to him, he's like, He's like dude. He's like, dude, you can't put this ship on me. And he goes, he goes on this rant and this is kind of what I guess, this whole this is, this is how it connects back to what we were just talking about. Is He goes, like he said, he has this line where he goes, I worked hard to figure out what my reasons to live are and I can't just Louie. Louie says to Eddie. He goes, I worked really hard, okay, Eddie says to Louie. He goes, name one, give me one reason why I why I should keep living. Eddie goes, give me one reason why I should keep living. And then Louis says, dude, you can't do that. You can't do I'm not gonna Louis goes, he goes on this rant and he goes, I'm not going to play that game with you. I worked hard to figure out what my reasons to live are and I can't just figure them out to you. And if you want to figure out your reasons to live go to bed, he goes, he goes, have a drink of water, go to bed, and then wake up in the morning and try again, just like everyone else. And and it's so it was fascinating. I love that scene. I love that whole rant and I and I kind of love it from I love it from from both sides because I'm thinking about it from Doug Stanhope's character, where like because I've I've I've like been there in like a like a deep depression of like I've been there in a deep depression, and I've been there wanting to be saved and realizing no one's gonna save me. And I and I'm and I just the way that Louis is like fucking drink the whole thing of like, dude, drink a glass of water, go to bed, and wake up and figure it out like everyone else. But I'm not giving you my I worked hard on my reasons to live. I'm not giving them to you. I kind of felt that there's like, weirdly, even though it's a depressing scene, there's something I guess weirdly optimistic about it about just like look, man, no one's coming of Like look, no one's coming to save you, but like, dude, we're all trying to find our reasons to live. Don't fucking kill yourself. Go to bed, take a drink of water, go to bed, and try again tomorrow morning, right and then and then take take a drink of water and try again tomorrow morning, and just don't don't fucking kill yourself, don't give up. Take it, take a drink of water, go to bed, and just try again in the morning like everyone else. And I actually that felt really powerful. Hear it, like I'm imagining being in that situation, and I felt that way before, wanting to be saved you and you can't be saved. And then I also have had situations where I felt like I was in Louie's position where I was like shit, I've work where I where I felt like I was in that position where I'm like fuck, I'm sorry man, Like I'm working really hard it on my reasons to live. I'm trying to figure out what mine are, and I I want to help you, but I can't just give them.
To you know, way better than take a sip of water and go to bed.
But then I hold but hold on, hold on, this has nothing to just I just what's your name again?
I get it.
I mean, hold on, Amanda. I first of all, Amanda, thank you for thank you again for sitting on the phone while I go. Thank you again for sitting on the phone while I got on this rant and examine this scene. I just love this fucking scene because I feel i've i've i've felt like I've been on both sides of this scene and I and and they're kind of inspired because it comes back to like the boundaries in a way of being like I can't and I'm trying, okay, and I'm I'm trying to be this is this is an optimistic thing, okay, this is a positive thing again again, because there's the one side of it where you want to help someone, but you're like, I've worked hard on my reasons to live and I can't just give them to you. And I know what that side feels like. And then there's the other side where you feel deeply fucking alone and you deeply feel that nobody can help you.
And I felt that way before.
And then there is something about that scene that spoke to me in feeling that way where I was like, fuck, man, just drink a glass of water, go to bed, wake up in the morning, don't you can't kill your don't kill yourself, drink a glass of water, wake up in the morning and try again like everyone else.
And uh, that kind of is the answer.
And so again, I just I love the scene because I felt it kind of deeply from from both from both sides of it. But anyway, that's that's that that that that you know, kind of spoke to me in in a sense, and I feel like it's back to the kind of meta of what we're talking about.
It does.
It does anyway, Thanks for letting me random anyway.
Yeah, one more question, go ahead. You don't talk about being Jewish that much.
I talk about will you?
You say I don't talk about being vulnerable and talking about being Jewish? What do you mean I don't talk about being I talk about being Jewish?
How do you talk about like? Yeah, I don't know anyway. Uh, do you want a Jewish wife? Like not acting Jewish wife?
My mom would like a Jewish wife. I am indifferent Jewish? Are you Jewish?
I am? But yeah, I'm you. You don't want me. I'm hot, but you don't want me.
Well, that's not what I was at. That's not what I was getting at.
But you do need to do wish wife. But you're not, like I just want to say one more thing. You're not the typical. Like you're not the typical. I don't even want to say it.
Are you going?
Are you? Are you?
Hold on? Hold on? Here's the thing you're hold on. Let me say this because you're Jewish. I'm not offended at you saying if you want to say, I'm not the typical Jewish guy, if that's what you want to say, you're not.
And I'm gonna say, boy, I know you're twenty six, but urgin some and whatever. I don't know when your birthday is, but yeah, you're not. You're not. You're way better, well just as Harry way better.
I have hold on. I have multiple things to say to this is okay. Yes, I grew I went to b BYO and I grew up around I know what you mean by I. Also by by the way I am, I am body a lot of typical Jewish stereotypes of like neuroticism, and like a lot of I feel very I feel I'm I mean, I occasionally will find myself at synagogue once in a blue moon, but I feel like I do. I feel very like culturally Jewish, like I embody a lot of again the Jewish stay up, but well what about you? Are you looking for a Jewish husband?
Got No, I'm Jewish, but I'm almost like more agnostic. I've been on birthright that kind of thing, like I believe in tradition and preserving. I don't. I'm not a Zionist, but I just I see what the moms see, you know, and why.
But I mean, they.
Changed our last name when we came over, so it's like it was scarcely part of our identities. It's just like here and there, I still have a Christmas tree. I didn't go to a day school or anything like that. But yeah, I've just been interested because you're like not as loud about it as the people I went to high school with, and but it's still important to you. And that's why I.
Asked, Yeah, yeah, I am.
So yeah, but you do like you don't say God blessed, but you're like, I don't not believe in God.
Judaism to me is not about God or uh no, it's not about Judaism to me is about being Judaism to me is about being thirteen years old in a at a Jewish sleep away camp. Yeah, and you're you and your friends are all standing in a circle rubbing gold bond on your balls. Yeah, that's what That's what Judaism is for. Judaism is like a culture is a culture. Like when I meet another person who's Jewish, I'm like, Okay, we had similar traditions growing up and similar cultures, but more than I more than it is about like you know, like, oh I believe in something.
Yeah, no, I get that. I totally get that. And I have friends who are like in and out of believing of something like and like full their families that were like full damn Jewish, you know, no Christmas for nothing. But you got to talk to other people. My kids are about to make you lose your ship because there I've been like pushing their foreheads away from me each time. They know who you are, they know what I call you sometimes, how are they see but they don't hear five and eight?
Oh?
Nice? Nice? Yeah, they're they're so goodous.
Huh.
I was curious about your life. I feel like I just talked about myself for a while.
Oh God, while my life you don't even want to know it's like not cute, not fun. There's no solution and you would hate it. But so what everyone? I love you so much, Please don't leave us.
Okay?
Is there anything else I want to say to the support Gecko go on twitch by the subscription. Uh, we need him. You don't even know. I love only Gek. I love none of you. And yeah, I'm kitting pun in the chat that annoying girl.
Uh Amanda mm hmm.
Ye mm hmm. I also love Rhode Island maybe mm hmm. Yeah. Do you live in Rhode Island or were you born in Rhode Island?
No, I have I have no association with Rhode Islands.
What about where were you raised? Gak? I know like where you went to? Okay, Maryland? Sorry, I get like Rehobo's and Maryland like sometimes confuse geographically. But if you go, I want to go to the ocean this summer in Delaware or Maryland whenever, I don't care. I want to see you there or in Syracuse again. So and I didn't know the last time you were in Syracuse and I was super bombed and get it back.
I'll be back, I I Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna I'm I'm I am planning to tour again if if people are willing, If people, if people are willing to come out and see me again in twenty twenty six, I'm will be there.
They will, they.
Will, I hope. So I don't know every every every single day of this thing. I'm like, every every single every single day of this thing. I'm like, I I mean even the fact that you've been listening. I think you said you were listening since the COVID day, So every single day of this thing, I'm like, oh yeah, if people are still on board, I'm still here. So anyway, anyway, anyway, thank you, thank you for your kindness, Amanda. I You're welcome.
I I appreciate it.
You helped me out today by again being a foil for Meta rant and whatnot. So thank you very much and thank you.
And if I'm so excited, if you ever talked to Casey again, that guy who is in like his whatever for the fuck, Like, yeah, getting from Dnali or Anchorage, he was fishing. He did seems like a done then he was like brilliant. He was like a physics thing. Whatever. Anyway, Yeah, keep on going, man, go out to dinner with your friends. Good, go out to dinner with mine.
Yeah, please do that. Do that, go out to dinner with your friends. Live your life, God damn it, Amanda gotta live wile, stay alive. Okay, I'll see I will promise all right.
Bye bye, okay, bye bye.
That was Amanda. M that was Amanda. This has been a good episode of people, uh sitting on the phone with me while I rant, which is a dream? This is I think that's I I like. I feel like the callers are like their co hosts of the podcast. It's fun. I will, I will, I will pray. I'll pray for everyone. I will pray for everyone. I will pray for everyone.
Hello.
Hello, Hi, what's your name? Joe? Joe? How's it going, Joe? What's uh? What's the new in your life? Well?
Have we talked before?
No, I've been.
Listening to you through COVID, so uh yeah, I'm really excited.
Oh kick ass. It's always so cool to me.
I feel like I lose track a lot of the times of like how cool this is that? Uh, this has been going for almost five years now, and people have been listening since COVID, which has been five years now, so I'm.
I'm I'm happy. I'm happy you're still here.
I'm happy that today, March twenty second, twenty twenty five, you're here and we're talking. I think it's cool. So what's up, dude? How can I get you today? What's going on in your life?
Joe?
Oh Man? Oh? So, I have two things I could talk about. I can either talk about oh three, I guess work, personal, or my dogs.
Which one do you feel the most compelled to talk about right now?
Let's do? Let's do work?
Sure, what's going on with work?
Oh Man?
So?
I have been with this large company for about I'm gonna say about a decade now. So first job right out of high school, super Fun, started off out west, got the opportunity to run a store, meet to people, and then got transitioned to kind of like the bigger picture. So I audited, I trained, and now I get to work out of like the headquarters, so I get to see the people that make all the impacts. And being from just working in the store to now making changes and being able to help people has been wild, man. And just being a dumb little seventeen year old that was like a pot smoker, didn't think I was going to do anything. This was my kind of just bullshit job while he went through high school and college and now like it's real, it's my career, and it just blows my mind sometimes how even though it's something small, you could just like make it huge. And it's just the person that makes the difference, I guess. And all the people I've got to meet, Oh my god, I've gotten to be in and see like thirty states out of the fifty, including like Alaska, Hawaii, Maine, all the different places, and just seeing the people and showing them that it doesn't just stop at the lower level, but you can do so much. It's just crazy.
Man.
That's awesome. That's that's fucking great. What can I ask what this company?
You can, but I can't tell you just in case. But it's a it's a really well known brand. They're huge all over the world.
Cool. Cool and Okay, so you've been with them for a day. When did you start? You started with them when you were seventeen.
Yeah, twenty fifteen.
Wow, that's awesome. That's great.
Interesting.
Okay, So no, you're just reporting no problems, no, nothing bad, You're just reporting something good. I like that. That's good. What's going on with h okay? Do you tell if you have more good things to report? I'm down to hear it. What's what's going on? Uh?
Personal?
No? Oh?
Personal wise? Yeah, let's see, this is my first time being single for like two years. It's been awesome to not just like develop my career, but like, man, everything's finally going good, like for a year. Let's get you there, but everything's good, man. And I was able to listen to your stream the other day and really just kind of like connect and when you were talking about how you called your stepmom and you were just trying to reach out but you can't vocalize those words. Man. I have been there an anti depressant's work, and it's just being able to get off of them and now like see the other side and it's okay, man.
It's gonna be good, you know.
Yeah, So I guess to expand on that, yeah, I you know, I don't shut up about it on the podcast, but like, yeah, this kind of like existential whatever that I was going through.
You know, it's hard.
I know a lot of people struggle with that stuff and it's great to hear. I love hearing. I am always searching for stories of hope, whether it's on reddits or just whatever, and so it's cool to hear one from you. So you felt like you were in a bit of a tumultuous time for like a year.
What was tumultuous about it?
So?
I had been with somebody, I had known them for about ten years. We finally started dating. It was just the worst toxic relationship. We moved across the country, did all this crazy stuff together, and we finally broke up and I was able to just take a step back. And obviously I was mad for a long time, but just trying to see how I affected everything and how at the end of the day, it's like me putting myself into shit. So trying to break that and having just that year of being alone with my dogs has been kind of life changing.
It's been nice. It's quiet.
Do you do you seek to eventually be in a relationship again.
If it happens, it happens, If not, you know, I am. I think I'm finally okay being alone and it's a it's different, it's cool, but uh yeah, yeah, I think as long as I have my dogs and I can volunteer, you know, everything's E think's pretty good over here?
What do you?
Well?
I guess a couple questions.
What is it that made you finally okay with being alone?
Just stopping and acknowledging that, yes, other people are factors, but it's me. If you're not okay with being by yourself, well, how are you going to be good helping and lifting somebody else up in a relationship, whether it's work, individual or even in like an actual partnership relationship?
Sure? Sure?
What what do you What do you do to volunteer?
Oh?
I volunteered in an animal shelter?
Great?
Great? What's what's up with? What's up with the dogs?
One of them, my youngest one, she just got in like, uh mid January, got diagnosed with epilepsy. She's three, so kind of shitty, but we got it managed. She's doing good and she's happier than ever.
Man, that's awesome. That's wonderful. Yeah, yeah, great, So you're doing good. So so it's interesting. And you know, I think I was wighing back and forth about talking about this stuff because it gets to feel it feels like a loop sometimes, But I'm I'm interested in it. So you were doing antidepressants for a while. How long were you doing Oh?
I did him for about three years?
Interesting and what would.
So I'm curious about your perspective because so I'm trying antidepressants now and I have the I talk about it on the fucking show all the time. Is like this thing of like, Okay, how much of my dissatisfaction of life or whatever is like a chemical thing versus like external the events of your life, like what's going on in your brain versus what's going on in your fucking life. And I have this hesitancy of like, well, no, it's about what's going on in life less than about the antidepressants. But then but then you know, things happen in life and you're like, well, why am I not here with this? And then I'm like, well, maybe it is chemicals in your brain. And then you go on the internet and they're like, oh, there's neuro transmitters that get fucked up and whatnot. So anyway, I'm just ranting, But what were those three years like for you?
Uh?
Yeah?
So before I got on them, it was very much like a hole that you fall into that you can't really dig yourself out of. And my big thing was just overthinking negative thoughts. Yeah, on the antidepressants, it's kind of like it's just like they filled in those bumps in the road. So that was really nice. But then I got very scared of the Oh my god, am I going to have to be on this for the rest of my life just to be a person?
Right?
So I integrated that with kind of not only talk therapy, but I also for about a year after going to therapy and doctors, did ketamine therapy. So that was honestly like it was in a very like pharmaceutical environment. It was very like done with doctors, but just that kind of experience was very mind changing. And again I didn't have to do that long term. I did that for about six months to a year, but just seeing the different points of view, I thought I was the biggest thing and all of my problems were insane and huge, But it means nothing as long as you kind of like take a step back and realize everybody's going through shit. I think that's what really changed it for me. So I don't know if that helps at all, but yeah, man, kettymin is crazy and amazing when done.
Okay, So yeah, I was, Yeah, I have a couple of friends who've done ketemine therapy. There's this fucking uh a comedian that I was listening to on a podcast. I was talking about ketemine therapy and I was kind of interested in it because I had a little period of time where I was like, oh no, I don't know how to get out of this. And I was like, Okay, maybe ketamine therapy.
Is the answer.
And then you know, I have crazy ADHD, So I'm like, maybe this is the answer. Maybe this is the answer. Maybe this is the answer. Maybe this is the answer. So what was ketamine like for you?
So my big kind of like thing that I worked on was I identified myself a lot with my career, so just identifying not only what the issue is about how.
To work through that.
So, yeah, my career is great, but what can I do outside of it to be a fucking person and to care about myself and just make sure I'm okay. Yeah, So that was huge And just like my personal problems, Yes they're impact my mood, Yes they impact me and they make me feel shitty, but how is that affecting the people around me? And how I'm like selling myself, I guess, or portraying myself and it's just you don't have to be just strong for yourself, you have to be strong for people around you.
And it's just yeah that yeah, yeah that makes sense.
It's weird. Yeah, it is true. Like when you're fucking when you're fucking depressed, you have it's hard to you can't you know, you can't help anyone. You can't fucking be anything or.
Do anything, and then that leads you to lose people, and then fuck, you're even more depressed.
And it's just a yeah, and it's hard because you have to kind of go on the journey alone a little.
Bit, you know, yeah, which is shitty and different, but yeah, it's it's been good. I live like a thousand miles away from my closest family, and if I had not gone through all the shit that I went through, I probably would not be here. So yeah, man, Kenny and Kenny's crazy.
All right, Cool, Maybe I'll give it a shot. Maybe I'll give it a shot. What's your name again, Joe?
Joe?
Well, thanks thanks for sharing all this stuff, Joe. I'm happy to hear that you're doing better. You know a lot of Yeah, we live in a crazy world. We live in a crazy, crazy, crazy world. So thanks, thanks for thanks for sharing a little story of hope.
It's it's you know, it's good. It's good.
Is Is there anything else, Joe that you want to say to the people of the computer before we go, Uh.
Nope, get bless you and just thank you for all you do A while true, I am, I.
Am trying my best. Thank you, Thank you for listening.
Dude.
I'll I'll see you around the universe.
Joe.
Yeah, that was cool. It's interesting. I feel what I'm just gonna talk to open leagues is how I I think it's just my fucking whatever is like, this is a weird thing about you know, the self, the existentially putting your brain out on the table universe is weird because I think my gut tells me this is like a weird uh loop of talking about your problems or whatever. They become stories. They're become ingrained in who you are and I'm trying not to do that. But this is like, this is a positive story. This is like so it actually is in a way breaking the loop to get to talk to this person who is like, you know, sometimes optimism is like all you have, like and it's weirdly the I think for me at least, is the when you're drowning. It's like the thing you can hold on to. And so when you hear a story of a person who's like, yeah, I was on antidepressants and I was drowning for a while, and now I can happily report that I'm doing okay, you're like, okay, great, maybe there's hope for me, and you hold on to the optimism and you don't know how long it'll take, but you're like, all right, I can. As long as I maintain this optimism. There is some form of hope. So shout out to that lady for giving some form of hope.
Goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night.
Deacon goes doing his eye's.
Teaching you a loud in them of your life.
But he's not really an expert.
