Hi there, It's Carlie Taylor here for this week's Mojoe Monday. So today I want to talk about a strategy that has been an absolute game changer for me. It's a game changer when it comes to handling those moments that we all face at some stage. Some of us face them more than others. And that is when something triggers you and you react instantly without even thinking about it. So maybe it's anger that shows up, which is what Marcus Aurelius, the Stoic philosopher referred to as the red mist, and you snap at someone or say something hurtful. Or maybe it's anxiety which shows up, which you know you end up spiraling down into a panic. And we're all human, so we've all been there. And as I said, some people struggle with this more than others, and I can definitely relate to that feeling of anxiety. So I just this is just an everyday example. So I get anxious about running late, and rationally, I know that telling myself I shouldn't be feeling like this and it's all going to be okay, and I've left enough time, and YadA, YadA, YadA, YadA. It doesn't actually just make the anxiety disappear. And this is the tricky part to get our head arounds emotions, because you can't just delete them. They show up and eventually they go away, of course, but they don't just vanish when we want them to, which is really unfortunate because a lot of these emotions are really unpleasant and it would be nice for us to be able to get rid of them at will, But it's a bit of a deluded strategy because it just doesn't work. And often when we struggle with those really hard to handle emotions, we end up then doing things that can make the situation worse, especially in the long run. But what can really help with these emotions and thoughts that show up, however strong, is that is this concept that between what happens to us, which we'll call a stimulus, and then what we do, which is our behavior. Between those two things, there is a space. So something happens and then we do something, there is a space. And even though this sounds really really simple, it can completely change what happens next if we are aware of this space and allow it to be there. What it can do is influence our relationships, our work, our parenting, everything it can influence everything and especially the path that we want to be on. And what this space does is it holds the key to being more mindful and making more intentional choices rather than just reacting to our emotions and our thoughts. And that way we can use it to really shift everything. So in that space, we have the power to choose how we respond to whatever happens to us. It doesn't matter how challenging it is, it doesn't matter how we feel. What we do and how we behave does not have to be dictated by that. And that is the difference between reacting based on emotion and thought and responding based on what is actually really important to us and to others. And what this space does is it provides this opportunity for growth, for change and even happiness. And if we can practice this skill, it has these long term positive implications. And of course many of you will be aware and I know what your mind is saying right now that this is Victor Frankel quote, my favorite quote of all time. So Victor Frankle wrote Man's Search for Meaning. He was a Holocaust survivor and he created a type of therapy called logo therapy, which was based on his experience and Frank Hall believed that we all have the ability to shape our lives not by the conditions that we find ourselves in, but by the decisions we make in the response to those conditions. So we can't always control what happens to us, but we always always can control and have a say about how we respond to it. And this is a skill because emotions and thoughts can really hook us and we end up doing things that take us on a path that we don't want to be on. And in the moment it feels like we don't have a choice, but we always do, no matter how how hard it feels. If you haven't actually heard the quote, I shall read it out. I know this one off by heart. Write it down because it really is one of the most powerful quotes I believe. Ever, between stimulus and response, there is a space, and in that space is our power to choose our response, and in that response lies our growth and freedom. The decisions that we make every single day, the decisions based on our circumstances or based on how we think and how we feel, have a huge influence on our lives. What we do in response to those feelings and thoughts that show up is what really can shape our reality, and when things don't go our way, it's our attitude that will influence how things turn out. And using skills taught in acceptance commitment therapy, which is very aligned with that Victor frankl quote, can learn to accept our thoughts and feelings instead of fighting with them, instead of trying to get rid of them, and then turn our attention and commit to action that aligns with what is important right now in this moment, which are our values, and our values become our compass. Our values are the things that point us in the direction that we want to go in, rather than our thoughts and our emotions, because that is what truly matters to us. So anxiety or when anxiety or overwhelms show up, instead of reacting impulsively or trying to suppress how you're feeling, you take a step back, pause and notice what is going on, like here's anxiety, or there's anger, or a notice frustration. But rather than allowing them to take over and have control over us, we can create this space so we can then act based on what truly matters and what truly matters in the long term. And I hear a lot in the moment that it's really easy to just completely justify how you're feeling and justify your reactions, even though when things calm down, you can look back on it and reflect and go, oh, maybe I shouldn't have reacted that way, But in the moment, there's a justification. And the more you practice this when you're in a calmer state of mind. So when things are going well, just start to notice your thoughts, notice your feelings, notice anything in your physical body that you're feeling, and then respond. And by doing this, you're developing this skill to almost separate yourself from your emotions and your thoughts. It's called cognitive distancing. So you create that space and then you know, then you decide how you respond. So I'll give you a simple everyday example. The other day, I had booked into a yoga class, but I felt really drained. My energy was low, and my mind started giving me all these excuses as to why I shouldn't go, and there was like a complete justification of why I shouldn't go. But I was able to call on this skill and notice this. I noticed my thoughts, I noticed how tired I was in my body, but then I turned my attention to one of my values, which is around being consistent and committed to my health. Being committed to my body and doing a yoga class is aligned with that. And this doesn't mean that all of a sudden I'm like, yeah, great, I'm going to yoga. That's not what this is about, because my mind was still chatting way to me and going, oh, you're too tired. But what I didn't do was give in to it, and I went to the yoga class. I really focused on my why why I was there, and I certainly didn't regret it. In fact, it gave me the energy that I needed. I felt really great afterwards. So that's just a really simple example of how you can practice this technique of creating space, noticing your thoughts, noticing how you're feeling, and then doing what's important. And look, it sounds simple, it is often very hard to do, especially when there are strong emotions involved, but it is so effective because it influences everything that happens next and it gives us control over how we behave So if you think this technique could be of value to you, what I would do is start to notice your thoughts this week, notice your feelings, notice your bodily sensations, and then and really ground yourself by taking a deep breath or noticing your surroundings and then decide how you're going to respond. And it's great to find sort of opportunity to notice your thoughts and your emotions, like even having a shower is a good one. You can notice what's coming up in your mind, notice how you're feeling, or when you're driving, anytime that you've got a bit of space to really notice what's going on internally, and then you can create that space to decide how you're going to respond. Otherwise, if we don't do this, we can end up spiraling into this well wind of emotion and thoughts which so often don't serve us well. And yes, it can be very unpleasant and uncomfortable to not give into your emotions because often it's the short term. Avoidance strategies are the ones that do take the emotions and the thoughts away short term, but they usually end up coming back. Our automatic thoughts and emotions are something that we cannot control, but we can control how we respond to them and then what we do next. So that's it for this week's Mojo Monday. I hope you have got some value out of that, and I will catch you next week. Yeah,

Hi there, It's Carlie Taylor here for this week's Mojoe Monday. So today I want to talk about a strategy that has been an absolute game changer for me. It's a game changer when it comes to handling those moments that we all face at some stage. Some of us face them more than others. And that is when something triggers you and you react instantly without even thinking about it. So maybe it's anger that shows up, which is what Marcus Aurelius, the Stoic philosopher referred to as the red mist, and you snap at someone or say something hurtful. Or maybe it's anxiety which shows up, which you know you end up spiraling down into a panic. And we're all human, so we've all been there. And as I said, some people struggle with this more than others, and I can definitely relate to that feeling of anxiety. So I just this is just an everyday example. So I get anxious about running late, and rationally, I know that telling myself I shouldn't be feeling like this and it's all going to be okay, and I've left enough time, and YadA, YadA, YadA, YadA. It doesn't actually just make the anxiety disappear. And this is the tricky part to get our head arounds emotions, because you can't just delete them. They show up and eventually they go away, of course, but they don't just vanish when we want them to, which is really unfortunate because a lot of these emotions are really unpleasant and it would be nice for us to be able to get rid of them at will, But it's a bit of a deluded strategy because it just doesn't work. And often when we struggle with those really hard to handle emotions, we end up then doing things that can make the situation worse, especially in the long run. But what can really help with these emotions and thoughts that show up, however strong, is that is this concept that between what happens to us, which we'll call a stimulus, and then what we do, which is our behavior. Between those two things, there is a space. So something happens and then we do something, there is a space. And even though this sounds really really simple, it can completely change what happens next if we are aware of this space and allow it to be there. What it can do is influence our relationships, our work, our parenting, everything it can influence everything and especially the path that we want to be on. And what this space does is it holds the key to being more mindful and making more intentional choices rather than just reacting to our emotions and our thoughts. And that way we can use it to really shift everything. So in that space, we have the power to choose how we respond to whatever happens to us. It doesn't matter how challenging it is, it doesn't matter how we feel. What we do and how we behave does not have to be dictated by that. And that is the difference between reacting based on emotion and thought and responding based on what is actually really important to us and to others. And what this space does is it provides this opportunity for growth, for change and even happiness. And if we can practice this skill, it has these long term positive implications. And of course many of you will be aware and I know what your mind is saying right now that this is Victor Frankel quote, my favorite quote of all time. So Victor Frankle wrote Man's Search for Meaning. He was a Holocaust survivor and he created a type of therapy called logo therapy, which was based on his experience and Frank Hall believed that we all have the ability to shape our lives not by the conditions that we find ourselves in, but by the decisions we make in the response to those conditions. So we can't always control what happens to us, but we always always can control and have a say about how we respond to it. And this is a skill because emotions and thoughts can really hook us and we end up doing things that take us on a path that we don't want to be on. And in the moment it feels like we don't have a choice, but we always do, no matter how how hard it feels. If you haven't actually heard the quote, I shall read it out. I know this one off by heart. Write it down because it really is one of the most powerful quotes I believe. Ever, between stimulus and response, there is a space, and in that space is our power to choose our response, and in that response lies our growth and freedom. The decisions that we make every single day, the decisions based on our circumstances or based on how we think and how we feel, have a huge influence on our lives. What we do in response to those feelings and thoughts that show up is what really can shape our reality, and when things don't go our way, it's our attitude that will influence how things turn out. And using skills taught in acceptance commitment therapy, which is very aligned with that Victor frankl quote, can learn to accept our thoughts and feelings instead of fighting with them, instead of trying to get rid of them, and then turn our attention and commit to action that aligns with what is important right now in this moment, which are our values, and our values become our compass. Our values are the things that point us in the direction that we want to go in, rather than our thoughts and our emotions, because that is what truly matters to us. So anxiety or when anxiety or overwhelms show up, instead of reacting impulsively or trying to suppress how you're feeling, you take a step back, pause and notice what is going on, like here's anxiety, or there's anger, or a notice frustration. But rather than allowing them to take over and have control over us, we can create this space so we can then act based on what truly matters and what truly matters in the long term. And I hear a lot in the moment that it's really easy to just completely justify how you're feeling and justify your reactions, even though when things calm down, you can look back on it and reflect and go, oh, maybe I shouldn't have reacted that way, But in the moment, there's a justification. And the more you practice this when you're in a calmer state of mind. So when things are going well, just start to notice your thoughts, notice your feelings, notice anything in your physical body that you're feeling, and then respond. And by doing this, you're developing this skill to almost separate yourself from your emotions and your thoughts. It's called cognitive distancing. So you create that space and then you know, then you decide how you respond. So I'll give you a simple everyday example. The other day, I had booked into a yoga class, but I felt really drained. My energy was low, and my mind started giving me all these excuses as to why I shouldn't go, and there was like a complete justification of why I shouldn't go. But I was able to call on this skill and notice this. I noticed my thoughts, I noticed how tired I was in my body, but then I turned my attention to one of my values, which is around being consistent and committed to my health. Being committed to my body and doing a yoga class is aligned with that. And this doesn't mean that all of a sudden I'm like, yeah, great, I'm going to yoga. That's not what this is about, because my mind was still chatting way to me and going, oh, you're too tired. But what I didn't do was give in to it, and I went to the yoga class. I really focused on my why why I was there, and I certainly didn't regret it. In fact, it gave me the energy that I needed. I felt really great afterwards. So that's just a really simple example of how you can practice this technique of creating space, noticing your thoughts, noticing how you're feeling, and then doing what's important. And look, it sounds simple, it is often very hard to do, especially when there are strong emotions involved, but it is so effective because it influences everything that happens next and it gives us control over how we behave So if you think this technique could be of value to you, what I would do is start to notice your thoughts this week, notice your feelings, notice your bodily sensations, and then and really ground yourself by taking a deep breath or noticing your surroundings and then decide how you're going to respond. And it's great to find sort of opportunity to notice your thoughts and your emotions, like even having a shower is a good one. You can notice what's coming up in your mind, notice how you're feeling, or when you're driving, anytime that you've got a bit of space to really notice what's going on internally, and then you can create that space to decide how you're going to respond. Otherwise, if we don't do this, we can end up spiraling into this well wind of emotion and thoughts which so often don't serve us well. And yes, it can be very unpleasant and uncomfortable to not give into your emotions because often it's the short term. Avoidance strategies are the ones that do take the emotions and the thoughts away short term, but they usually end up coming back. Our automatic thoughts and emotions are something that we cannot control, but we can control how we respond to them and then what we do next. So that's it for this week's Mojo Monday. I hope you have got some value out of that, and I will catch you next week. Yeah,