Hi everyone, Carlie Taller here for this week's Mojo Monday. So I'm going to start with a question, how much do you worry what other people think of you? And how much does what other people think of you affect what you do or don't do. So the second question is important because so often we will make a choice based on what other people's judgment of us is, or at least the perceived judgment, which is totally normal, but also it can become the thing that stops you from doing what matters to you. It stops you from living your life to the fullest, It stops you from reaching your potential, and it stops you from doing the things that deep down you really want to do. And it can become a fault for so many people, not realizing that they are basing their choices on what other people may think. So we're all wired to want connection and belonging and that is not a weakness, that's biology. But sometimes that healthy desire for connection turns into people pleasing or what we'll call self silencing, where we can make ourselves small. And the problem is that we think we know what other people are thinking, but at the end of the day, we don't because there's no crystal ball, there's no mind reading. There's just our assumptions, and they're usually shaped by self doubt or past experiences. But here's something to consider. Not everybody's feedback or not everybody's judgment of us is equal.

Hi everyone, Carlie Taller here for this week's Mojo Monday. So I'm going to start with a question, how much do you worry what other people think of you? And how much does what other people think of you affect what you do or don't do. So the second question is important because so often we will make a choice based on what other people's judgment of us is, or at least the perceived judgment, which is totally normal, but also it can become the thing that stops you from doing what matters to you. It stops you from living your life to the fullest, It stops you from reaching your potential, and it stops you from doing the things that deep down you really want to do. And it can become a fault for so many people, not realizing that they are basing their choices on what other people may think. So we're all wired to want connection and belonging and that is not a weakness, that's biology. But sometimes that healthy desire for connection turns into people pleasing or what we'll call self silencing, where we can make ourselves small. And the problem is that we think we know what other people are thinking, but at the end of the day, we don't because there's no crystal ball, there's no mind reading. There's just our assumptions, and they're usually shaped by self doubt or past experiences. But here's something to consider. Not everybody's feedback or not everybody's judgment of us is equal.

So there are people.

So there are people.

Whose opinions or thoughts about our actually do matter to us, and then there are opinions of people who don't really matter, but for some reason, our minds make it out that it does matter.

Whose opinions or thoughts about our actually do matter to us, and then there are opinions of people who don't really matter, but for some reason, our minds make it out that it does matter.

And I think it's really important to get clear on that.

And I think it's really important to get clear on that.

And there's this Bob Dylan quote in a song which I really love, and I will admit that I am a bit of a worrier what people think of me. And when I have spoken to or talked to Paul, my husband about it and host of this podcast, he will often quote this line to me, so's it doesn't mean that much to me to mean that much to you. So I'll say that again, it doesn't mean that much to me to mean that much to you.

And there's this Bob Dylan quote in a song which I really love, and I will admit that I am a bit of a worrier what people think of me. And when I have spoken to or talked to Paul, my husband about it and host of this podcast, he will often quote this line to me, so's it doesn't mean that much to me to mean that much to you. So I'll say that again, it doesn't mean that much to me to mean that much to you.

So maybe that's a question.

So maybe that's a question.

To ask ourselves, does the judgment of this person mean anything to me? And here's another perspective on this. What if the discomfort you're feeling about being judged by this person is actually an opportunity, an opportunity to develop a really powerful life skill, and that is focusing rather than focusing on what they're thinking and worrying about what someone else is thinking, you focus on what actually matters to you, and you commit to what matters to you. You do what's important to you despite those noisy thoughts, despite what others may or may not be thinking about you. And that's a real skill to keep moving forward even when that worry shows up, because it's so easy to retreat back and go, oh, no, that person's thinking this of me.

To ask ourselves, does the judgment of this person mean anything to me? And here's another perspective on this. What if the discomfort you're feeling about being judged by this person is actually an opportunity, an opportunity to develop a really powerful life skill, and that is focusing rather than focusing on what they're thinking and worrying about what someone else is thinking, you focus on what actually matters to you, and you commit to what matters to you. You do what's important to you despite those noisy thoughts, despite what others may or may not be thinking about you. And that's a real skill to keep moving forward even when that worry shows up, because it's so easy to retreat back and go, oh, no, that person's thinking this of me.

I can't do that.

I can't do that.

So that's where the real work is, not getting rid of those thoughts and not going into battle with them, but learning to walk alongside them and still move in the.

So that's where the real work is, not getting rid of those thoughts and not going into battle with them, but learning to walk alongside them and still move in the.

Direction that matters to you.

Direction that matters to you.

And the thing is is you actually get to choose whose opinion matters. And I think that's where where we can take a step back and look at this just from a bit of a distance, because if the person you are worrying about actually does share your values or is on a similar path to you, or somebody that you admire, then maybe your perception of their judgment or what they're thinking of you is actually going to be helpful. So let those possible opinions guide you, so you can ask yourself, if they were thinking these things, is that helpful to me? Is there anything that I can do in response to that? So don't be guided by the random critic in your head of people whose opinions are actually not relevant to you unless you choose.

And the thing is is you actually get to choose whose opinion matters. And I think that's where where we can take a step back and look at this just from a bit of a distance, because if the person you are worrying about actually does share your values or is on a similar path to you, or somebody that you admire, then maybe your perception of their judgment or what they're thinking of you is actually going to be helpful. So let those possible opinions guide you, so you can ask yourself, if they were thinking these things, is that helpful to me? Is there anything that I can do in response to that? So don't be guided by the random critic in your head of people whose opinions are actually not relevant to you unless you choose.

To make them relevant.

To make them relevant.

So for me, it does matter to me what my friends think of me and I approach this is feedback, and that's often helpful for growth and improvement. But at the end of the day, unless they are telling you outright what they are thinking, you don't really know.

So for me, it does matter to me what my friends think of me and I approach this is feedback, and that's often helpful for growth and improvement. But at the end of the day, unless they are telling you outright what they are thinking, you don't really know.

It's all just in your head. It's not reality.

It's all just in your head. It's not reality.

But the thoughts in your head they could be helpful. They may or may not be helpful, but there could be a message there. And there's no harm in reflecting on the choices that you're making right now and whether there are alternative choices. So here are the takeaways from this. You can't control what people think, but you can choose what you focus on and what actions you take, So don't let the perceived judgment.

But the thoughts in your head they could be helpful. They may or may not be helpful, but there could be a message there. And there's no harm in reflecting on the choices that you're making right now and whether there are alternative choices. So here are the takeaways from this. You can't control what people think, but you can choose what you focus on and what actions you take, So don't let the perceived judgment.

Of others stop you in your tracks.

Of others stop you in your tracks.

You can move through it and focus.

You can move through it and focus.

On what you need to do.

On what you need to do.

And you can also approach these worried thoughts as whether they're helpful to you or not helpful, and if they are helpful, then you can do some problem solving there, but if they're not helpful, then you put your attention onto what matters and worrying about the judgment of others. It isn't a floor, so there's no need to fight it. It's a moment to practice living more in alignment with what really matters to you, and you can take that worry discomfort along for the ride.

And you can also approach these worried thoughts as whether they're helpful to you or not helpful, and if they are helpful, then you can do some problem solving there, but if they're not helpful, then you put your attention onto what matters and worrying about the judgment of others. It isn't a floor, so there's no need to fight it. It's a moment to practice living more in alignment with what really matters to you, and you can take that worry discomfort along for the ride.

So that's all for this week.

So that's all for this week.

Thank you for tuning in again and as always, keeps showing up for yourself even when they're in a credit is allowed, or even when you're unsure of what others may or may not be thinking. I will catch you next week. See ya,

Thank you for tuning in again and as always, keeps showing up for yourself even when they're in a credit is allowed, or even when you're unsure of what others may or may not be thinking. I will catch you next week. See ya,