It was like I had died.

It was like I had died.

Oh my god, I got so so so so where it was almost like there was no more blood inside of me.

Oh my god, I got so so so so where it was almost like there was no more blood inside of me.

I really really felt empty.

I really really felt empty.

To your marry.

To your marry.

After some producer during in Sister Sister the game Instant.

After some producer during in Sister Sister the game Instant.

Mind, she has twenty eight million followers on social platforms. My mother she had told my sister and I she was like, none of this is going to last. The lemos are going to stop one day. And we looked at her at first, and we're.

Mind, she has twenty eight million followers on social platforms. My mother she had told my sister and I she was like, none of this is going to last. The lemos are going to stop one day. And we looked at her at first, and we're.

Like, why are you hating?

Like, why are you hating?

I no longer want to live life feeling like this. I deserve to chase the joy and to you know, of course, when you say live happy, I mean life is like this up and down.

I no longer want to live life feeling like this. I deserve to chase the joy and to you know, of course, when you say live happy, I mean life is like this up and down.

But that's why I'm.

But that's why I'm.

Saying I actually got to the point of no return.

Saying I actually got to the point of no return.

I'm Radi de Lucia, and this is a really good cry pot where we talk about the crappy stuff, the great stuff, and everything in between that can be difficult to process alone. Together, my first guest on a really good cry represents so much of what I wanted this podcast to be. We laugh, we shed tears, and we dove deep into some real uncomfortable We chested about everything from how to let go and mourn your past self and learning to be okay with change practical ways she got through the lowest moments in her life and found joy again and an insight into the reality of being in the public eye for over twenty years. Tia Maury is a dear friend, a phenomenally talented actress, producer, and author, and she brings a smile to my face every time I see her dance moves on Instagram. I've also been using her new haircare brand called for You and let me tell you, my curls have never looked better. And if you grew up in the nineties watching sister sister like me, then she was for sure a key part of your childhood. She is definitely an icon you do want to meet in real life. First of all, I just need to say, Okay, you have no idea how weird it is for me to have you on my sofa, because I grew up watching you, obviously. And the best part was when I met you in person. I think it was a couple of years ago. You I already loved you, but then I met you in person and I was like, how is it possible to love you even more?

I'm Radi de Lucia, and this is a really good cry pot where we talk about the crappy stuff, the great stuff, and everything in between that can be difficult to process alone. Together, my first guest on a really good cry represents so much of what I wanted this podcast to be. We laugh, we shed tears, and we dove deep into some real uncomfortable We chested about everything from how to let go and mourn your past self and learning to be okay with change practical ways she got through the lowest moments in her life and found joy again and an insight into the reality of being in the public eye for over twenty years. Tia Maury is a dear friend, a phenomenally talented actress, producer, and author, and she brings a smile to my face every time I see her dance moves on Instagram. I've also been using her new haircare brand called for You and let me tell you, my curls have never looked better. And if you grew up in the nineties watching sister sister like me, then she was for sure a key part of your childhood. She is definitely an icon you do want to meet in real life. First of all, I just need to say, Okay, you have no idea how weird it is for me to have you on my sofa, because I grew up watching you, obviously. And the best part was when I met you in person. I think it was a couple of years ago. You I already loved you, but then I met you in person and I was like, how is it possible to love you even more?

Than meeting you in person.

Than meeting you in person.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So I just want to say that it was so wonderful to have admired someone for such a long time and then to meet them and be like, Wow, she's even better. Not that you weren't amazing, but even better than I ever thought you would be. And everything that you do online now, by the way, the way that you come across the things that you do online, I feel your personality, your energy, and your vibrance through it. But even more than that, I feel the desire you have to help uplift other people. Thank you, And so I just want to say thank you, and I'm so grateful to you for being here, and I'm so grateful for everything that you have given me without you even realizing you've done so. But I also want to ask you where do you get?

So I just want to say that it was so wonderful to have admired someone for such a long time and then to meet them and be like, Wow, she's even better. Not that you weren't amazing, but even better than I ever thought you would be. And everything that you do online now, by the way, the way that you come across the things that you do online, I feel your personality, your energy, and your vibrance through it. But even more than that, I feel the desire you have to help uplift other people. Thank you, And so I just want to say thank you, and I'm so grateful to you for being here, and I'm so grateful for everything that you have given me without you even realizing you've done so. But I also want to ask you where do you get?

Like what are you drinking? Because where are you.

Like what are you drinking? Because where are you.

Getting your energy is unlimited. I need to know what are you doing for this to happen in your life?

Getting your energy is unlimited. I need to know what are you doing for this to happen in your life?

You know.

You know.

I just I'm very intentional and I just really really take care of myself. And it wasn't always like that, but I feel like after having children, I had to really learn how to choose me, meaning in regards to like self love and not looking at taking care of myself as selfish. Yeah, I think we, especially as women, we tend to of course put all of our attention and energy on nurturing others. That it was very easy for me to forget about myself so I can be fully transparent. I ended up also just really getting very ill and sick because I was constantly giving, giving, giving.

I just I'm very intentional and I just really really take care of myself. And it wasn't always like that, but I feel like after having children, I had to really learn how to choose me, meaning in regards to like self love and not looking at taking care of myself as selfish. Yeah, I think we, especially as women, we tend to of course put all of our attention and energy on nurturing others. That it was very easy for me to forget about myself so I can be fully transparent. I ended up also just really getting very ill and sick because I was constantly giving, giving, giving.

Giving, and not replenishing.

Giving, and not replenishing.

Yes, So I was like, okay, I had to hit rock bottom or crash when it came to my health to wake up. And so I make sure that I, you know, sleep, I meditate, I journal, and I'm still learning to try to focus on things that give me joy and that just makes me happy and feel good. And I am into wellness and just eating well. And I'm not saying that this happens all the time, you know what I mean, It's just it doesn't. But I am intentional with it. And I feel like by me working on myself and you know, replenishing myself in this manner, I'm able to give more and.

Yes, So I was like, okay, I had to hit rock bottom or crash when it came to my health to wake up. And so I make sure that I, you know, sleep, I meditate, I journal, and I'm still learning to try to focus on things that give me joy and that just makes me happy and feel good. And I am into wellness and just eating well. And I'm not saying that this happens all the time, you know what I mean, It's just it doesn't. But I am intentional with it. And I feel like by me working on myself and you know, replenishing myself in this manner, I'm able to give more and.

You know, jump around videos and you know, have fun.

You know, jump around videos and you know, have fun.

And what do you you said?

And what do you you said?

Intentional like on those bad days, like the days that we all have. I feel not like your normal self. You feel like things are weighing you down. How do you go from being in a in a mood which doesn't serve you. What are your practices and rituals that you've learned over time that get you from being in that bad mood to then uplifting yourself back into a space that you want to be.

Intentional like on those bad days, like the days that we all have. I feel not like your normal self. You feel like things are weighing you down. How do you go from being in a in a mood which doesn't serve you. What are your practices and rituals that you've learned over time that get you from being in that bad mood to then uplifting yourself back into a space that you want to be.

I have an incredible friend named Vex King Yes, and one thing that I have been doing more often or just now is with his journal by Vex and his his wife.

I have an incredible friend named Vex King Yes, and one thing that I have been doing more often or just now is with his journal by Vex and his his wife.

There's a list of things that give you joy.

There's a list of things that give you joy.

Right, It's a toolbox, that's basically what what he calls it. And he's like, you can even make this toolbox full of objects, or you can just write down the list. You could have like a toolbox and you put all of these objects in and whenever you're having a chaotic day, you just open up this toolbox. That's a good idea, It's an incredible idea, because when you're in that mind space sometimes you just don't feel you do. So to already have something prepped and planned is awesome. But I do stuff like affirmations are really really important to me, and I've.

Right, It's a toolbox, that's basically what what he calls it. And he's like, you can even make this toolbox full of objects, or you can just write down the list. You could have like a toolbox and you put all of these objects in and whenever you're having a chaotic day, you just open up this toolbox. That's a good idea, It's an incredible idea, because when you're in that mind space sometimes you just don't feel you do. So to already have something prepped and planned is awesome. But I do stuff like affirmations are really really important to me, and I've.

Been doing that you say, in particular, let's.

Been doing that you say, in particular, let's.

See today, what I have been focusing on and meditating on, and it's very short, is just be present. I feel like it's very easy for me and people to move through life with an autopilot on autopilot, or for me, especially where I am in my life right now, focusing on the past and then also kind of being obsessed with the future because where I am right now in certain areas in my life, there's a huge unknown, and so that brings a lot of chaotic energy and anxiety. So by me just kind of saying, you know what, stot, just focus on being present. I can feel I'm safe, I can feel that I'm loved, I can feel that I am okay, And it just makes me feel better. So affirmations also reading, like I feel like when I read like a great book. I'm currently reading a book right now called When Things Fall Apart, And when I am in sort of some like chaos with my mind and my anxiety, when I kind of shift that focus and kind of like focus it on kind of like a self help book in some kind of way, it just kind of grounds me.

See today, what I have been focusing on and meditating on, and it's very short, is just be present. I feel like it's very easy for me and people to move through life with an autopilot on autopilot, or for me, especially where I am in my life right now, focusing on the past and then also kind of being obsessed with the future because where I am right now in certain areas in my life, there's a huge unknown, and so that brings a lot of chaotic energy and anxiety. So by me just kind of saying, you know what, stot, just focus on being present. I can feel I'm safe, I can feel that I'm loved, I can feel that I am okay, And it just makes me feel better. So affirmations also reading, like I feel like when I read like a great book. I'm currently reading a book right now called When Things Fall Apart, And when I am in sort of some like chaos with my mind and my anxiety, when I kind of shift that focus and kind of like focus it on kind of like a self help book in some kind of way, it just kind of grounds me.

And brings me back to and it makes me you know, feel good.

And brings me back to and it makes me you know, feel good.

And then my kids, yeah, just like.

And then my kids, yeah, just like.

They really are. All I want to do is cut on my niece to the nest.

They really are. All I want to do is cut on my niece to the nest.

If I have a bad day, all I need is for them to just look at me and to give me this like warm, fuzzy hug and I'm like, you know what, I'm.

If I have a bad day, all I need is for them to just look at me and to give me this like warm, fuzzy hug and I'm like, you know what, I'm.

Fine, Yeah, I'm great, and it's true.

Fine, Yeah, I'm great, and it's true.

But I love what you said about the unknown of because I do find whenever I think about me, like my mind we were talking about this. We have our minds travel a lot. They are constantly on the move and sometimes more than we'd like them to be. And for me, what I realized in my life is the unknown is where fear lies. Like we always are, like, that's why we're scared of the dog, That's why we're scared of, you know, opening a door that we don't know is what's behind it, And so in life that's the same. When you end up on a path that was unexpected and you don't know what the end goal is or what the end of the road looks like, that's.

But I love what you said about the unknown of because I do find whenever I think about me, like my mind we were talking about this. We have our minds travel a lot. They are constantly on the move and sometimes more than we'd like them to be. And for me, what I realized in my life is the unknown is where fear lies. Like we always are, like, that's why we're scared of the dog, That's why we're scared of, you know, opening a door that we don't know is what's behind it, And so in life that's the same. When you end up on a path that was unexpected and you don't know what the end goal is or what the end of the road looks like, that's.

Scary to us.

Scary to us.

But I found so much like solace in the concept of through fear, Like if fear is if the unknown is what we're fearing.

But I found so much like solace in the concept of through fear, Like if fear is if the unknown is what we're fearing.

Knowledge is what we need to get out of that fear.

Knowledge is what we need to get out of that fear.

And so I think one of my teachers, rather Thanasami, he always says is he says that to cut through the darkness of fear with the sword of knowledge. And so what I interpreted that to be is whenever, like whenever I'm scared of even doing something, it's usually i'd be scared of exams or whatever it was. The more you prepare for something, the more you end up knowing about something, the easier it ends up feeling, and the more comfortable you get, because you're only comfortable with something that feels welcoming and known to you. And sometimes that's impossible because you don't know something where a path is going. I know, you know, But the knowing that you can do is understanding yourself because you are with because I think even if you don't know where the path is going, but you know yourself on that path, that brings some sort of solace and comfort. And I think that's the work that you're doing, because you're spending time on yourself to figure out who you are. And I remember, oh gosh, something you said where about your children, saying that for me to live in my truth. That was that's the best for my children to see by the way you said that, you saying that, No.

And so I think one of my teachers, rather Thanasami, he always says is he says that to cut through the darkness of fear with the sword of knowledge. And so what I interpreted that to be is whenever, like whenever I'm scared of even doing something, it's usually i'd be scared of exams or whatever it was. The more you prepare for something, the more you end up knowing about something, the easier it ends up feeling, and the more comfortable you get, because you're only comfortable with something that feels welcoming and known to you. And sometimes that's impossible because you don't know something where a path is going. I know, you know, But the knowing that you can do is understanding yourself because you are with because I think even if you don't know where the path is going, but you know yourself on that path, that brings some sort of solace and comfort. And I think that's the work that you're doing, because you're spending time on yourself to figure out who you are. And I remember, oh gosh, something you said where about your children, saying that for me to live in my truth. That was that's the best for my children to see by the way you said that, you saying that, No.

I feel like it really is because as a mom, I feel like the best teachings that I could give them is through example.

I feel like it really is because as a mom, I feel like the best teachings that I could give them is through example.

Yeah, definitely so.

Yeah, definitely so.

And you know, kids they learn through observation. I could sit here and all I want, But when they actually see Mommy, you know, moving and you know, being an example, or living an authentic life or just kind of like moving through her fears and or even you know, her desires and working hard and all of that, when they actually see me doing that, then I feel like, you know, they are able to learn. Speaking of learning, because you know, I have anxiety and I am trying to find practices and tools on how.

And you know, kids they learn through observation. I could sit here and all I want, But when they actually see Mommy, you know, moving and you know, being an example, or living an authentic life or just kind of like moving through her fears and or even you know, her desires and working hard and all of that, when they actually see me doing that, then I feel like, you know, they are able to learn. Speaking of learning, because you know, I have anxiety and I am trying to find practices and tools on how.

To deal with that.

To deal with that.

So with you know, not necessarily knowing where I'm going with certain things in my life, it is brought on tons of anxiety. But in this book that I'm reading, When Things Fall Apart, there was a quote or you know, dialogue where she had said, look at people who are experiencing fear or you being afraid of something, consider that being like you are lucky actually, And I was like, it was so like mind blowing to me, like wow, like how is that so? And basically what she was saying is when you are moving through something that you are afraid of, it's actually showing courage. Like when you are looking at fear straight in the eyes and straight in the face, it's actually showing that you are courage and that you are brave. Some people think that when people do things that they're afraid of, it means that they they or when they do things of the unknown, that they don't have fear, you.

So with you know, not necessarily knowing where I'm going with certain things in my life, it is brought on tons of anxiety. But in this book that I'm reading, When Things Fall Apart, there was a quote or you know, dialogue where she had said, look at people who are experiencing fear or you being afraid of something, consider that being like you are lucky actually, And I was like, it was so like mind blowing to me, like wow, like how is that so? And basically what she was saying is when you are moving through something that you are afraid of, it's actually showing courage. Like when you are looking at fear straight in the eyes and straight in the face, it's actually showing that you are courage and that you are brave. Some people think that when people do things that they're afraid of, it means that they they or when they do things of the unknown, that they don't have fear, you.

Know, Yeah, But actually it's the strength and the endurance that it takes to work through it.

Know, Yeah, But actually it's the strength and the endurance that it takes to work through it.

Yes, that's so true.

Yes, that's so true.

I think you know, you don't learn anything through avoiding, Like you never learn if you keep taking it. Sec when you're trying to get to a certain place but you're you don't want to take this one route, but you keep trying to take all these roads, they don't actually get you to the place you need to be. And I think going it's always like you either have to go through it or you're gonna end up. I mean, you won't figure anything out otherwise, you really won't. And I think I've noticed that in my life too. I've tried to avoid a lot I've been like no, not going to go that way, but then I've ended up lost because actually I needed to go through that fee. I need to go through what I was going through to actually get to the place where I can start new or I can't start fresh. And you know when you're I love what you said about you know, navigating and going through the different routes that like unexpectedly. But what have you found has been well, a difficult time in your life if you don't have to say what it was, but how did you go from you mentioned your lowest part or your lowest part of your health. What were the steps that you took? Actually, I want to rephrase that, how did you notice you were in a place of unhappiness? Because I think you know what, for a lot of people you can go through, but you can go through your whole life being unhappy and not realizing it because it's your comfort zone. And that's what I've realized. I've gone through a lot of my life, like years where that's deep. I was sitting in my discomfort, but it was I was sitting in unhappiness, but it was comfortable to me. It was a comforting place because I'd been there for a while, and so going into joy or happiness was uncomfortable because it required change. Yeah, and so sometimes it's easiest thing in the crad and being comfortable than being happy and being uncomfortable. So how did you manage to through all the different hats and things? YEA, remain authentic to yourself, keep coming back to who you were.

I think you know, you don't learn anything through avoiding, Like you never learn if you keep taking it. Sec when you're trying to get to a certain place but you're you don't want to take this one route, but you keep trying to take all these roads, they don't actually get you to the place you need to be. And I think going it's always like you either have to go through it or you're gonna end up. I mean, you won't figure anything out otherwise, you really won't. And I think I've noticed that in my life too. I've tried to avoid a lot I've been like no, not going to go that way, but then I've ended up lost because actually I needed to go through that fee. I need to go through what I was going through to actually get to the place where I can start new or I can't start fresh. And you know when you're I love what you said about you know, navigating and going through the different routes that like unexpectedly. But what have you found has been well, a difficult time in your life if you don't have to say what it was, but how did you go from you mentioned your lowest part or your lowest part of your health. What were the steps that you took? Actually, I want to rephrase that, how did you notice you were in a place of unhappiness? Because I think you know what, for a lot of people you can go through, but you can go through your whole life being unhappy and not realizing it because it's your comfort zone. And that's what I've realized. I've gone through a lot of my life, like years where that's deep. I was sitting in my discomfort, but it was I was sitting in unhappiness, but it was comfortable to me. It was a comforting place because I'd been there for a while, and so going into joy or happiness was uncomfortable because it required change. Yeah, and so sometimes it's easiest thing in the crad and being comfortable than being happy and being uncomfortable. So how did you manage to through all the different hats and things? YEA, remain authentic to yourself, keep coming back to who you were.

When I felt that there was extreme unhappiness was when I got or how I got to my lowest was when I I, if I'm being very very honest, It's like I couldn't even move anymore.

When I felt that there was extreme unhappiness was when I got or how I got to my lowest was when I I, if I'm being very very honest, It's like I couldn't even move anymore.

Yeah, do you know what I mean?

Yeah, do you know what I mean?

Like I almost felt like everything inside of me no longer had any energy.

Like I almost felt like everything inside of me no longer had any energy.

It was like I had died. My god, I'm about to cry.

It was like I had died. My god, I'm about to cry.

It's like I got so so, so so low.

It's like I got so so, so so low.

Where it was almost like there was no more blood inside of me.

Where it was almost like there was no more blood inside of me.

Does that make sense?

Does that make sense?

Like I really really felt empty.

Like I really really felt empty.

And then I speaking analogies, and I think for me, when I knew that there was some sort of level of unhappiness.

And then I speaking analogies, and I think for me, when I knew that there was some sort of level of unhappiness.

Is when the cup was completely empty. Yeah, do you know what I mean?

Is when the cup was completely empty. Yeah, do you know what I mean?

Like we do go through life where there is water in the cup, and then you know you're giving the water, you're giving the water, but then that water is being replenished. That water is being replenished, you know, whether that's from other people or whether that's you replenishing yourself. But I wasn't doing any of that. I wasn't replenishing myself, and things.

Like we do go through life where there is water in the cup, and then you know you're giving the water, you're giving the water, but then that water is being replenished. That water is being replenished, you know, whether that's from other people or whether that's you replenishing yourself. But I wasn't doing any of that. I wasn't replenishing myself, and things.

Were just it was constant.

Were just it was constant.

It was like I was in this constant space of everything was being taken, you know what I mean, Like and then you're so empty that you no longer have anything left that you just couldn't move, like there was just nothing left to give.

It was like I was in this constant space of everything was being taken, you know what I mean, Like and then you're so empty that you no longer have anything left that you just couldn't move, like there was just nothing left to give.

Every part of you as way physically, mentally.

Every part of you as way physically, mentally.

Everything was just like done, and I had to choose. I literally it was like I was at the crossroads and it was like, either you choose to stay down.

Everything was just like done, and I had to choose. I literally it was like I was at the crossroads and it was like, either you choose to stay down.

Or you choose to take the uncomfortable route.

Or you choose to take the uncomfortable route.

Yeah, that's so brave to do that, to take the uncomfortable route. It can take lifetime, oh yeah, to get us to take that one step. And it's just that one step that it takes. But that one step feels so big, it feels so big and so unreachable, yes, so far away. And then I realized, I said, you know what, life is short?

Yeah, that's so brave to do that, to take the uncomfortable route. It can take lifetime, oh yeah, to get us to take that one step. And it's just that one step that it takes. But that one step feels so big, it feels so big and so unreachable, yes, so far away. And then I realized, I said, you know what, life is short?

Yeah, and we all go yeah, and I no longer want to live life feeling like this. I deserve to not feel like that and to feel replenished and to chase the joy and to you know, of course, when you say live happy, I mean life is like this up and down. But that's why I'm saying, I actually got to the point of no return.

Yeah, and we all go yeah, and I no longer want to live life feeling like this. I deserve to not feel like that and to feel replenished and to chase the joy and to you know, of course, when you say live happy, I mean life is like this up and down. But that's why I'm saying, I actually got to the point of no return.

So that's yeah, thank you for sharing.

So that's yeah, thank you for sharing.

And so I feel I mean, I get so many messages from people telling me they feel like they're at their lowest point. And that's why I love having these conversations because I think we all need to hear from people who have had their lows and then to see someone like you who has who has been able to pull yourself out of that. So when you when you realize you were like, okay, cool, I need to make some changes and I need to do this. Do you have any tools or tips for people to what was it after taking that step or to make that step?

And so I feel I mean, I get so many messages from people telling me they feel like they're at their lowest point. And that's why I love having these conversations because I think we all need to hear from people who have had their lows and then to see someone like you who has who has been able to pull yourself out of that. So when you when you realize you were like, okay, cool, I need to make some changes and I need to do this. Do you have any tools or tips for people to what was it after taking that step or to make that step?

What did it take?

What did it take?

Like, what were the were their practices? Were their people you spoke to? What was it that you ended up being able.

Like, what were the were their practices? Were their people you spoke to? What was it that you ended up being able.

To do therapy?

To do therapy?

Therapy? No, Yeah, that's great. I think there is such a taboo the coulgure my culture in my culture.

Therapy? No, Yeah, that's great. I think there is such a taboo the coulgure my culture in my culture.

Yes, so I And I'm so happy you shared that. Yes, I think it's so important.

Yes, so I And I'm so happy you shared that. Yes, I think it's so important.

It is.

It is.

And you know, I actually studied growth in child development and psychology in college. And I love my mother to death, mother, I love you. Yes, But when she found out that I was studying it.

And you know, I actually studied growth in child development and psychology in college. And I love my mother to death, mother, I love you. Yes, But when she found out that I was studying it.

It was like, what hell, dare you? What are you talking about?

It was like, what hell, dare you? What are you talking about?

When we tell my mom, we think about why didn't you do that? Do you think is wrong with me?

When we tell my mom, we think about why didn't you do that? Do you think is wrong with me?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, So I said, you know what, and it was actually, I will say this too. The therapy was because it's very taboo and not necessarily encouraged and influenced, influenced in my culture. So I have a really really good friend O. T. Fagminley, and he is all about like self awareness and you know, learning about your traumas and just going to therapy. And I've known him since two thousand and eight, and you know, I had shared some you know, things that I was going through and he was like, Tia, I really really would suggest therapy, and I was like whatever, yeah, And then twenty twelve, Tia therapy. I'm like like, what are you talking about? Twenty and sixteen or whatever. It kept on going going going and he's like, look, if you take the time to scare viual hair appointments, workouts, you because I would say I'm too busy and blah lah lah lah, and he was like, no, you need to really like take the time and prioritize this. And it wasn't until my grandmother had passed away five years ago and I had never been to a funeral. Yeah, so this was like the first time I'm experiencing a transition and I was like, whoa, we all, we all will be there one day, Tia. You need to just really get your you know, act together and you know, get on this path of wellness and healing. And that was when I was like, Okay, you know what, I really really need to get into therapy. So I've been in therapy for about five years now. And what was what's so crazy? I thank my grandmother because in her death, I feel like there's been some sort of reworth with me. And that's basically, you know, I credit my growth and kind of really having some sort of support with that first step. I credit it to my therapist wonderful. She's wonderful, she's very very smart, and that has been very beneficial.

Yeah, yeah, So I said, you know what, and it was actually, I will say this too. The therapy was because it's very taboo and not necessarily encouraged and influenced, influenced in my culture. So I have a really really good friend O. T. Fagminley, and he is all about like self awareness and you know, learning about your traumas and just going to therapy. And I've known him since two thousand and eight, and you know, I had shared some you know, things that I was going through and he was like, Tia, I really really would suggest therapy, and I was like whatever, yeah, And then twenty twelve, Tia therapy. I'm like like, what are you talking about? Twenty and sixteen or whatever. It kept on going going going and he's like, look, if you take the time to scare viual hair appointments, workouts, you because I would say I'm too busy and blah lah lah lah, and he was like, no, you need to really like take the time and prioritize this. And it wasn't until my grandmother had passed away five years ago and I had never been to a funeral. Yeah, so this was like the first time I'm experiencing a transition and I was like, whoa, we all, we all will be there one day, Tia. You need to just really get your you know, act together and you know, get on this path of wellness and healing. And that was when I was like, Okay, you know what, I really really need to get into therapy. So I've been in therapy for about five years now. And what was what's so crazy? I thank my grandmother because in her death, I feel like there's been some sort of reworth with me. And that's basically, you know, I credit my growth and kind of really having some sort of support with that first step. I credit it to my therapist wonderful. She's wonderful, she's very very smart, and that has been very beneficial.

And then meditation.

And then meditation.

What kind of meditation do you do?

What kind of meditation do you do?

By the way, so you know I have been doing as of late Joe Dispensa.

By the way, so you know I have been doing as of late Joe Dispensa.

Crazy, which is incredible.

Crazy, which is incredible.

Yeah, which is an interesting approach and in a different approach to yes. So, and I am not no expert, please, I just started doing this. But basically with Joe's dispensa, it's he's trying to encourage or influence your thought process and not trying to live in the past and move through your past experiences which can be extremely stifling to you, and be more present and and move more in the present moment, and also not focusing too much on the future, but working on your conscious And as you are in your meditation, you go into different brain waves and as you go into one brain wave, I don't know the specific brain wave it is, whether it's I don't know, so please excuse me. But I can literally film myself move to another move.

Yeah, which is an interesting approach and in a different approach to yes. So, and I am not no expert, please, I just started doing this. But basically with Joe's dispensa, it's he's trying to encourage or influence your thought process and not trying to live in the past and move through your past experiences which can be extremely stifling to you, and be more present and and move more in the present moment, and also not focusing too much on the future, but working on your conscious And as you are in your meditation, you go into different brain waves and as you go into one brain wave, I don't know the specific brain wave it is, whether it's I don't know, so please excuse me. But I can literally film myself move to another move.

Is it silent meditation?

Is it silent meditation?

No, it's guided. So he guides you and he'll tell you.

No, it's guided. So he guides you and he'll tell you.

Once you're in this conscious you know, I guess mind you start implanting your thoughts and your ideas there instead of you He's trying to get you to move away from your past experiences, and so you tell yourself what you no longer want to be, and then you move into telling yourself what you want to be, what you see yourself at, or how you see yourself as in the future, or what you would like.

Once you're in this conscious you know, I guess mind you start implanting your thoughts and your ideas there instead of you He's trying to get you to move away from your past experiences, and so you tell yourself what you no longer want to be, and then you move into telling yourself what you want to be, what you see yourself at, or how you see yourself as in the future, or what you would like.

To see yourself as.

To see yourself as.

And I can share with you guys, what I tend to do is I say that I want to create more boundaries for myself because I have a hard time saying no, and so I will do this in my meditation. And it's crazy. It works, Like really, yes, it's crazy how all of.

And I can share with you guys, what I tend to do is I say that I want to create more boundaries for myself because I have a hard time saying no, and so I will do this in my meditation. And it's crazy. It works, Like really, yes, it's crazy how all of.

A sudden you'll just find yourself like.

A sudden you'll just find yourself like.

No, I'm like no before they even open them up.

No, I'm like no before they even open them up.

No, no, and no, and you're like this is a great day.

No, no, and no, and you're like this is a great day.

Yeah, and I'm like, oh my gosh.

Yeah, and I'm like, oh my gosh.

It works.

It works.

So anyway, So that's the meditation that I that I've been doing.

So anyway, So that's the meditation that I that I've been doing.

Yeah. I think it's so difficult to let go of your past sometimes because I do think even if it's painful, and even if it's difficult, it's a part. It becomes like your past is a part of you, and so it's so hard. It's almost like cutting ties of versions of yourself of you know. I remember someone saying to me.

Yeah. I think it's so difficult to let go of your past sometimes because I do think even if it's painful, and even if it's difficult, it's a part. It becomes like your past is a part of you, and so it's so hard. It's almost like cutting ties of versions of yourself of you know. I remember someone saying to me.

No.

No.

I think I said it to them when we were talking about their relationship and even they had broken up with someone, and then I said, you have to mourn the person. You were like, it's not even about that person. It's not even about him. It's about you because you have become a whole new version of yourself, and that version of yourself doesn't include this human and so I was like, it doesn't even have to be about him.

I think I said it to them when we were talking about their relationship and even they had broken up with someone, and then I said, you have to mourn the person. You were like, it's not even about that person. It's not even about him. It's about you because you have become a whole new version of yourself, and that version of yourself doesn't include this human and so I was like, it doesn't even have to be about him.

What you're also.

What you're also.

Mourning is the version of yourself that you are letting go of. And I mean, I think that's true. I mean when I think about it for myself, I think that's true as I'm moving through life changing as a human with like regardless of other people, because I hold on to versions of myself that people think I was or that I was back then. And I'm like, you know, with the boundaries thing, it really upset me because I've been trying to do the same thing. But sometimes one of my friends messaged me about something and I set a boundary, and I remember the next time I saw her, she was.

Mourning is the version of yourself that you are letting go of. And I mean, I think that's true. I mean when I think about it for myself, I think that's true as I'm moving through life changing as a human with like regardless of other people, because I hold on to versions of myself that people think I was or that I was back then. And I'm like, you know, with the boundaries thing, it really upset me because I've been trying to do the same thing. But sometimes one of my friends messaged me about something and I set a boundary, and I remember the next time I saw her, she was.

Like, oh, wow, like you've really changed.

Like, oh, wow, like you've really changed.

So much, And it kind of ends up people end up taking it as oh, you're not as sweet anymore, or you're not as you're not as nice anymore, you're not as welcoming anymore.

So much, And it kind of ends up people end up taking it as oh, you're not as sweet anymore, or you're not as you're not as nice anymore, you're not as welcoming anymore.

But it's not that, And so it takes a while to cut that tie of your old self that was people please, that's me.

But it's not that, And so it takes a while to cut that tie of your old self that was people please, that's me.

Yes, that was always doing things to bend over backwards for other people, but then compromising what you want and sacrificing what you want and to other people. That's amazing because she's always available, she's always ready to help, she's easy going.

Yes, that was always doing things to bend over backwards for other people, but then compromising what you want and sacrificing what you want and to other people. That's amazing because she's always available, she's always ready to help, she's easy going.

Oh I'm going to change plans last minute, she won't care.

Oh I'm going to change plans last minute, she won't care.

But then when you start stating bad like oh, you've become a bit firm now, like you're you've become a bit harsh now and.

But then when you start stating bad like oh, you've become a bit firm now, like you're you've become a bit harsh now and.

So unlikable or yeah, and then lovable or.

So unlikable or yeah, and then lovable or.

I don't know, And it's hard.

I don't know, And it's hard.

It's hard letting go of that version of yourself because you do want people to like you, and you want to be felt. You want to be that person that, oh, everybody gets along with. And so yeah, I think it's it's hard letting go of the past people and yourself because it's letting go of parts of you that is so true.

It's hard letting go of that version of yourself because you do want people to like you, and you want to be felt. You want to be that person that, oh, everybody gets along with. And so yeah, I think it's it's hard letting go of the past people and yourself because it's letting go of parts of you that is so true.

Even as I've you know, been on this journey of change. And I love butterflies and actually even here, yeah yeah, But what I love about butterflies is and I actually have a tattoo.

Even as I've you know, been on this journey of change. And I love butterflies and actually even here, yeah yeah, But what I love about butterflies is and I actually have a tattoo.

Here, is that.

Here, is that.

As they are, you know, caterpillars or whatever, and then they get into their little cocoon, they have to push themselves and break themselves out in order for them to fly. And they get their strength from you know, pushing and doing that and going through the discomfort and all of that. But anyway, I say that to say I feel like I am a butterfly right now, meaning I am evolving and I am growing, and I as I'm growing and evolving and turning into this person that I am enjoying and desiring to be, I've actually been fearful of, like even with my career, I'm like, am I gonna like doing what I've always wanted to do? Because I'm just I just have a different perspect to fun things now. And I say that to say that I am not the same person that I was even a year ago, as I've really like started learning more about myself. One of my friends, Joel, he's a poet. He's from New York, and he he had asked me a question and he said, who are you?

As they are, you know, caterpillars or whatever, and then they get into their little cocoon, they have to push themselves and break themselves out in order for them to fly. And they get their strength from you know, pushing and doing that and going through the discomfort and all of that. But anyway, I say that to say I feel like I am a butterfly right now, meaning I am evolving and I am growing, and I as I'm growing and evolving and turning into this person that I am enjoying and desiring to be, I've actually been fearful of, like even with my career, I'm like, am I gonna like doing what I've always wanted to do? Because I'm just I just have a different perspect to fun things now. And I say that to say that I am not the same person that I was even a year ago, as I've really like started learning more about myself. One of my friends, Joel, he's a poet. He's from New York, and he he had asked me a question and he said, who are you?

If you are not?

If you are not?

Who am Who are you? If you are not a mother? Who are you if you are not an actress?

Who am Who are you? If you are not a mother? Who are you if you are not an actress?

Who are you?

Who are you?

If you are not these roles that you.

If you are not these roles that you.

Have beens that you're putting on.

Have beens that you're putting on.

And I remember when he first asked me, I started crying because I had no idea.

And I remember when he first asked me, I started crying because I had no idea.

Yes, I had no idea.

Yes, I had no idea.

So that's the journey that I am on now. I'm discovering and finding out who I am. What is it that I like I'm working on no longer being that people you know, pleaser, And I feel like that is how I got to my lowest. I became such a people pleaser that I lost sight of me. And I'm learning also in therapy that my whole life has been about pleasing people. Like as a child, it was all about appealing and being criticized, you know, healthy constructive criticism, but still it's criticism. Stand here, do that be more? More funny?

So that's the journey that I am on now. I'm discovering and finding out who I am. What is it that I like I'm working on no longer being that people you know, pleaser, And I feel like that is how I got to my lowest. I became such a people pleaser that I lost sight of me. And I'm learning also in therapy that my whole life has been about pleasing people. Like as a child, it was all about appealing and being criticized, you know, healthy constructive criticism, but still it's criticism. Stand here, do that be more? More funny?

Do this?

Do this?

You know?

You know?

And you know I had to make people laugh.

And you know I had to make people laugh.

Yeah, So that was the space that I was living in that was comfortable for me for so many years, and then once it was just so I was so depleted. I was like, I can't do this anymore. So, but it's hard, it's not easy.

Yeah, So that was the space that I was living in that was comfortable for me for so many years, and then once it was just so I was so depleted. I was like, I can't do this anymore. So, but it's hard, it's not easy.

No, And I in that.

No, And I in that.

Transition, Yeah, I feel I went through a similar thing in terms of I would constantly focus on other people's lives, whether it was attracting friends who needed help or wanting to constantly help my family with things, or being the fixer, being someone who was always solving problems. And I came to this realization that all of that was actually to avoid one me doing the work to figure out who I am too, which was difficult, and two to feel like I have value.

Transition, Yeah, I feel I went through a similar thing in terms of I would constantly focus on other people's lives, whether it was attracting friends who needed help or wanting to constantly help my family with things, or being the fixer, being someone who was always solving problems. And I came to this realization that all of that was actually to avoid one me doing the work to figure out who I am too, which was difficult, and two to feel like I have value.

I feel like a lot of women.

I feel like a lot of women.

Yeah, I mean I don't know if a lot of men, you know, kind of.

Yeah, I mean I don't know if a lot of men, you know, kind of.

Think about this, think about it. Yeah, true, No, but it's so too.

Think about this, think about it. Yeah, true, No, but it's so too.

It's like, I do find that if you constantly keep focusing on And I used to think of myself as just being like, oh, it's because I really want to help people, and I do, of course, But actually, if I thought about the deep route, reason, it was because I was trying to figure out my value, and the value I was placing on myself was through how other people.

It's like, I do find that if you constantly keep focusing on And I used to think of myself as just being like, oh, it's because I really want to help people, and I do, of course, But actually, if I thought about the deep route, reason, it was because I was trying to figure out my value, and the value I was placing on myself was through how other people.

Valued it me.

Valued it me.

And so when I moved to New York, I went through my caterpillar butterfly phase where I got to a place where no one knew me.

And so when I moved to New York, I went through my caterpillar butterfly phase where I got to a place where no one knew me.

I couldn't.

I couldn't.

I didn't know anyone myself. I was by myself a lot, like I was spending full days on my own. I couldn't work, I couldn't distract myself, and I had to sit with myself and be like, who the hell am I? Because I can't be a dietician anymore? Do you tell I don't have worry off anymore?

I didn't know anyone myself. I was by myself a lot, like I was spending full days on my own. I couldn't work, I couldn't distract myself, and I had to sit with myself and be like, who the hell am I? Because I can't be a dietician anymore? Do you tell I don't have worry off anymore?

Yeah?

Yeah?

And I have no external hats that I'm wearing, And so I buried myself in cooking for you know, for Jay, I was like following around trying to jump on his bandwagon and trying to jump on his purpose. What I realized was jumping on someone else's purpose. If you don't have it yourself, your energy runs out because you don't have the same fuel, the same desire that's that's burning inside of you to do it. And so I was running out of fuel. I was running out of energy, and I was running out of any kind of motivation or desire to even continue on every single day because I hadn't figured out what I wanted. And so I do think we think when as we're growing older, it's like you think it's going to be a slow but upward, you know movement. What I actually think it is is you are on track, you completely fall off by you get back on track, you find your way back on track. Through that getting back on track, you learn some lessons, you stay on track for a little bit longer, you then fall back off.

And I have no external hats that I'm wearing, And so I buried myself in cooking for you know, for Jay, I was like following around trying to jump on his bandwagon and trying to jump on his purpose. What I realized was jumping on someone else's purpose. If you don't have it yourself, your energy runs out because you don't have the same fuel, the same desire that's that's burning inside of you to do it. And so I was running out of fuel. I was running out of energy, and I was running out of any kind of motivation or desire to even continue on every single day because I hadn't figured out what I wanted. And so I do think we think when as we're growing older, it's like you think it's going to be a slow but upward, you know movement. What I actually think it is is you are on track, you completely fall off by you get back on track, you find your way back on track. Through that getting back on track, you learn some lessons, you stay on track for a little bit longer, you then fall back off.

Try Oh my gosh, that's exactly what this book said, when things fall apart, and have that expectation that that's what it's going to be, right exactly, because I feel like with me and how I've been taught and I just learned is kind of like you do do do do doo to try to get to this goal right.

Try Oh my gosh, that's exactly what this book said, when things fall apart, and have that expectation that that's what it's going to be, right exactly, because I feel like with me and how I've been taught and I just learned is kind of like you do do do do doo to try to get to this goal right.

And this goal.

And this goal.

Is, let's just say, figuratively speaking, like heaven. No matter what that goal is, whether it's a house or a relationship or work, it's that feeling of you know that once you get.

Is, let's just say, figuratively speaking, like heaven. No matter what that goal is, whether it's a house or a relationship or work, it's that feeling of you know that once you get.

There, then you're never going to be miserable again. But that's not true.

There, then you're never going to be miserable again. But that's not true.

And in this book that I'm reading, when things fall apart, she was basically saying, the author was saying, no, life is actually things fall apart, then you get back on track again. Things fall apart, then you get back on track again. It's amazing things fall apart, then you get back on track again. And when you have that perspect of life, you will embrace, you know, the falling, and you won't look at the falling as judgment.

And in this book that I'm reading, when things fall apart, she was basically saying, the author was saying, no, life is actually things fall apart, then you get back on track again. Things fall apart, then you get back on track again. It's amazing things fall apart, then you get back on track again. And when you have that perspect of life, you will embrace, you know, the falling, and you won't look at the falling as judgment.

And you'll also start if you're expecting it, you start creating.

And you'll also start if you're expecting it, you start creating.

What you said, like the toolbox, So.

What you said, like the toolbox, So.

If you know it's gonna happen, you're gonna start creating a life. And I've started to do this because I know for me, when my spiritual practices fall off track, my whole life feels like it's falling apart. I go through my day, I'm not the same person. I'm not as nice as.

If you know it's gonna happen, you're gonna start creating a life. And I've started to do this because I know for me, when my spiritual practices fall off track, my whole life feels like it's falling apart. I go through my day, I'm not the same person. I'm not as nice as.

A human I am.

A human I am.

And also I feel lost, like I feel really lost when my practices are not right, and I've recently got them back on track the beginning of this week, honestly, and what it meane, but I had this whole thing of if I'm not waking up at this time and if I'm not doing it in this way, and I end I'm not doing it, but instead I'm like, no, even if I'm showing up and I'm doing it crap, and even if I'm sitting on my phone half the time. At least I'm showing up and committing to it. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. And if I fall off track, I don't have to guilt myself, Like I don't have to make myself look guilty. I don't have to tell myself that I'm a terrible person. What I do is the next day I try to get And I think it's this pressure we put on ourselves of everything being so onward and upward, but actually it's exactly that, Like it's okay to go off track, it's part of the it's part of the plan. Have it as part of the plan, and then throughout your life, like I know for me now that it's my spiritual practice. So if everything else falls apart around me, if I have this anchor that is my spiritual practice in the morning, all those other things don't feel as difficult. And I've already I'm creating this almost armor around me to be able to handle whatever else comes at me. And I was thinking about this the other day, because you know, we do everything we do for our body. We work out right, and we know that that's going to protect us in terms of health, and we also get energy from that, like you work out, you get dopamine hits. You get energy from that. You eat, you get energy from that. What I realized was when you stop your spiritual practice. And by the way, by that, I don't mean religious practices.

And also I feel lost, like I feel really lost when my practices are not right, and I've recently got them back on track the beginning of this week, honestly, and what it meane, but I had this whole thing of if I'm not waking up at this time and if I'm not doing it in this way, and I end I'm not doing it, but instead I'm like, no, even if I'm showing up and I'm doing it crap, and even if I'm sitting on my phone half the time. At least I'm showing up and committing to it. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. And if I fall off track, I don't have to guilt myself, Like I don't have to make myself look guilty. I don't have to tell myself that I'm a terrible person. What I do is the next day I try to get And I think it's this pressure we put on ourselves of everything being so onward and upward, but actually it's exactly that, Like it's okay to go off track, it's part of the it's part of the plan. Have it as part of the plan, and then throughout your life, like I know for me now that it's my spiritual practice. So if everything else falls apart around me, if I have this anchor that is my spiritual practice in the morning, all those other things don't feel as difficult. And I've already I'm creating this almost armor around me to be able to handle whatever else comes at me. And I was thinking about this the other day, because you know, we do everything we do for our body. We work out right, and we know that that's going to protect us in terms of health, and we also get energy from that, like you work out, you get dopamine hits. You get energy from that. You eat, you get energy from that. What I realized was when you stop your spiritual practice. And by the way, by that, I don't mean religious practices.

I mean a moment where you.

I mean a moment where you.

Are connecting to yourself, the universe and if you want to God. But having those moments where you are tuning into yourself without that, you are missing a whole power source.

Are connecting to yourself, the universe and if you want to God. But having those moments where you are tuning into yourself without that, you are missing a whole power source.

You know, like you're shut down. You are shut down.

You know, like you're shut down. You are shut down.

There's a whole power source available to you that can fuel you in a completely different way, and we're missing out on that. And so actually a lot of mind low energy. And I'll be waking up in the morning and I'd be going to say it, but I feel so tired. And I wasn't physically tired, and I wasn't emotionally sad. I was spiritually depleted.

There's a whole power source available to you that can fuel you in a completely different way, and we're missing out on that. And so actually a lot of mind low energy. And I'll be waking up in the morning and I'd be going to say it, but I feel so tired. And I wasn't physically tired, and I wasn't emotionally sad. I was spiritually depleted.

Oh that is deep I was.

Oh that is deep I was.

I was so spiritually depleted. And it made me feel lost. It made me feel very sad all the time. It made me feel like, I you know what, it wasn't even it was a whole lot of nothingness. Yes, it's nothing. It's That's what I find scary. The feeling of nothingness, when nothing feels like it's worth anything. Why am I even doing this? Everything feels so blah and energy less. But knowing that and then knowing what helps me and keeping on going back to that, It's like that it's a north light.

I was so spiritually depleted. And it made me feel lost. It made me feel very sad all the time. It made me feel like, I you know what, it wasn't even it was a whole lot of nothingness. Yes, it's nothing. It's That's what I find scary. The feeling of nothingness, when nothing feels like it's worth anything. Why am I even doing this? Everything feels so blah and energy less. But knowing that and then knowing what helps me and keeping on going back to that, It's like that it's a north light.

You just keep going back to.

You just keep going back to.

What I call it, or say, it is like and I've heard other people say this too, it's like you coming back home, you know what I mean, like to yourself. And like I said earlier, I feel like just women in general, I feel like, you know, we are. I mean, even with like television and cartoons and all of that, you see women in their characters, it's like it's always dedicated to you know, someone else and searching for that instead of searching.

What I call it, or say, it is like and I've heard other people say this too, it's like you coming back home, you know what I mean, like to yourself. And like I said earlier, I feel like just women in general, I feel like, you know, we are. I mean, even with like television and cartoons and all of that, you see women in their characters, it's like it's always dedicated to you know, someone else and searching for that instead of searching.

You know within.

You know within.

But what I have learned even as a mother, because I feel like, you know, becoming a mother, you're back into that nurturing state. It's like the first thing that's on your mind is are my kids happy? Are my kids fed? My kid's clothe And you know, I grew up with the understanding that if you had blood on your hands in because of you working so hard, then that means you're a great mom.

But what I have learned even as a mother, because I feel like, you know, becoming a mother, you're back into that nurturing state. It's like the first thing that's on your mind is are my kids happy? Are my kids fed? My kid's clothe And you know, I grew up with the understanding that if you had blood on your hands in because of you working so hard, then that means you're a great mom.

Yeah, yes, same if you're doing all the work yourself, you're getting tired doing it, you're exhausting yourself. But that's a sign that you are a great mom.

Yeah, yes, same if you're doing all the work yourself, you're getting tired doing it, you're exhausting yourself. But that's a sign that you are a great mom.

Mom.

Mom.

But what I've realized is you said your spiritual practices that I am now. I literally have a do not disturb sign on my door now, and I am unapologetic about it. In the morning, I have my spiritual practices and those are it's that those are my non negotiables.

But what I've realized is you said your spiritual practices that I am now. I literally have a do not disturb sign on my door now, and I am unapologetic about it. In the morning, I have my spiritual practices and those are it's that those are my non negotiables.

Manaving them.

Manaving them.

Yes, I will meditate, i will journal, and I will do twenty minutes of reading, and that's me tapping into me and my spirit. And I feel so much better when I start my day like that, because nothing is perfect. And then as you navigate through life and things happen, I just feel, you know, more connected to you know, get through the day. But I completely understand you know what you're saying. And when I don't do that, I do feel like I'm off.

Yes, I will meditate, i will journal, and I will do twenty minutes of reading, and that's me tapping into me and my spirit. And I feel so much better when I start my day like that, because nothing is perfect. And then as you navigate through life and things happen, I just feel, you know, more connected to you know, get through the day. But I completely understand you know what you're saying. And when I don't do that, I do feel like I'm off.

I love the coming back home because that makes sense because when I'm thinking, when I'm away from it, I feel lost, and I do feel I feel like I'm in the dark, and coming back home to yourself, it's such a beautiful way of putting.

I love the coming back home because that makes sense because when I'm thinking, when I'm away from it, I feel lost, and I do feel I feel like I'm in the dark, and coming back home to yourself, it's such a beautiful way of putting.

Putting it.

Putting it.

I love that you do not disturb side because and I love that you are seeing I think our generation is now seeing how our practices. Like my sister recently has told me that she, you know, she's been doing the same thing. She has two children, she is she homeschools. She wow, I know, it's a whole different thing. She homeschools, and everything was getting them fed, making sure they are okay, making sure they've studied, and she was getting so ill, so depleted.

I love that you do not disturb side because and I love that you are seeing I think our generation is now seeing how our practices. Like my sister recently has told me that she, you know, she's been doing the same thing. She has two children, she is she homeschools. She wow, I know, it's a whole different thing. She homeschools, and everything was getting them fed, making sure they are okay, making sure they've studied, and she was getting so ill, so depleted.

And but now she's like.

And but now she's like.

I know, my if I don't have my health, how am I going to look after my children? If I am not good, I am snapping at them, I am getting angry at I'm just I am not the best version of who I want to be. And when you talked about being an example for your children, I think this, like what you're doing right now is the most beautiful example. And I saw my mom, like I know my mom when I was growing up, she would say do this. My mom had great spiritual practices growing up, but she would always be telling me to do them, and I'd be like, well, I don't want to do this. This is not what I want to do. I don't want to be in this. I don't want to wake up and light this candle. I have no idea why I'm doing it. And then my mom stopped telling and I started watching her. And I saw her every day wake up at the same time. I saw her every day sit down for two hours to do her prayers. I saw her every day she know, she prays before she eats. She does all these things. And I have learned more in the few years of that I've chosen to observe her than I did from the years of her telling me. And the same with my dad's character, like he never badly about someone as I was growing up, and he was always so gentle and live with integrity.

I know, my if I don't have my health, how am I going to look after my children? If I am not good, I am snapping at them, I am getting angry at I'm just I am not the best version of who I want to be. And when you talked about being an example for your children, I think this, like what you're doing right now is the most beautiful example. And I saw my mom, like I know my mom when I was growing up, she would say do this. My mom had great spiritual practices growing up, but she would always be telling me to do them, and I'd be like, well, I don't want to do this. This is not what I want to do. I don't want to be in this. I don't want to wake up and light this candle. I have no idea why I'm doing it. And then my mom stopped telling and I started watching her. And I saw her every day wake up at the same time. I saw her every day sit down for two hours to do her prayers. I saw her every day she know, she prays before she eats. She does all these things. And I have learned more in the few years of that I've chosen to observe her than I did from the years of her telling me. And the same with my dad's character, like he never badly about someone as I was growing up, and he was always so gentle and live with integrity.

Now I learn more about.

Now I learn more about.

Integrity and criticizing others and gossiping from watching him, not even him telling me, from watching how he was in horrible situations with people and he said not one bad thing about them. That's what I learned through watching him do that. And so I think there is such a beauty in observation and allowing and let me lead by example, because if I'm telling you to do it, it's like me saying to you, look, you really shouldn't being sugar. And then tomorrow. You're like, you see me, I mean.