Work in Progress with Sophia BushWhen comedian Whitney Cummings stops by the pod, she doesn’t hold back!
Whitney takes Sophia on an emotional roller coaster, opening up about freezing her eggs, dating while navigating motherhood, dealing with postpartum depression, and why she was begging her parents to get a divorce! Plus, during their candid chat, one of them reveals they are a ‘Disney Adult’ and the other wants to be a Ren Faire Queen! There’s a lot to unpack, so strap in!
Whitney Cummings is hitting the road with her “Big Baby Tour.” For tickets and info visit whitneycummings.com
Hi, everyone, It's Sophia. Welcome to Work in Progress. Hey Whipsmarti's one of our favorite early guests, is back on the podcast today. We are joined by none other than award winning comedian and Whitney Cummings. You know her for her bold, observational humor, and currently she is on the road with her Big Baby North America Tour, exploring some pretty signature themes of relationships, gender dynamics, and modern dating from a very new perspective that includes being a mom, what it's like to age, and societal expectations of all those things. She has so many great stories and laughs and so much wisdom to share, and I'm just so thrilled that she is here today. So let's dive in. I'm so happy to have you back. I feel like we had the best conversation. You were one of my first guests on the pod in twenty nineteen. We made all these plans to hang out and ride horses, and then the world shut down, and I was like, Oh, I guess I'm just never going to be social again. But I feel like we're getting We're getting back to it now.
I also think, I mean, this might be a hot take, but like we do also get to socialize for public consumption, which is slightly toxic but also radically feminist to just monetize our friendships like everyone's too busy whatever. I mean, it is funny because whenever I hang out with a girlfriend of mine or run into a female comic friend of mine at the comedy store, it's always like ten minutes in to where they're like, shitd you want a pod? Like like, why are we doing this for free?
Oh my god, I'm obsessed. We were just saying we were getting the camera set up for this and it was a little wide, and they were like, oh, well we can see your feet on the couch. I was like, no, no, free feet.
That was so funny.
No one gets free feet, And you're right, no one. No one should get free free hangs either. I guess yes.
It's like women make money from, you know, exploiting their bodies. We exploit our personalities and vulnerabilities and personal lives.
I'll take it. I'll take it. We'll talk about I mean changes in personal lives for both of us. Hello, you have a baby.
I have a baby.
As being a mom, well, the.
Good news is currently my toddler gets along well with my inner child.
Okay, great.
The concern was that they is my inner child and my actual child gonna get along, and they do. It's a trip. I mean, look, I don't have to tell you, like I just always thought, in order to have a kid, you have to have the guy. And so my brain, like, you know, just this socially constructed timeline. Even though half the people in my life at least got the guy, then the kid then broke up with the guy, but I was still going, I got to get the guy first, even though there was very little proof that that was a working formula, right or anyone. And I froze my eggs when I was thirty three. Highly recommend whenever anyone asks me for advice about literally anything, I just go. Don't ask your parents for a trip to Italy when you graduate, or those shoes or that purse. Just go freeze your eggs. It's like an insurance policy. You get car insurance. The goal is you never actually get in a car accident. Just put your on ice. For many reasons, because I did find myself doing this math, you know of like, Okay, I'm thirty two, I'm dating this guy, all right, so we have a year before we'd and then a year would take a year to get pregnant. And then I'm like dating guy with a chain wallet because I'm lowering my bar over and over. Like I guess I just have to date a guy who wears a rope as a belt, all right, you know, because you start doing the math of like the cutoff, they start calling it a geriatric pregnanc Yet thirty five they say you're sane.
It's like insane.
Seventy five year old Smithers told me I was having a geriatric So I was kind of like, I guess I'm never gonna have a kid. I guess I'm gonna adopt. I did kind of for a while because you know, this year, like this too, I rescue animals, and I was like, maybe I should adopt, Like is having your own kid kind of like getting a dog from a breeder at this point, like I should be adopting. There's so many kids who needs homes. And then I went through pretty hardcore grief after the pandemic, which all of us just scrambled our brains. I did experiment with edibles during the pandemic. Oh wasn't a match for my brain. Okay, so was making a lot of bad choices in the romantic area.
I did that too, It's okay, yeah, I.
Mean it was just like two edibles and I'm dating a rock climber, like should we'd be legal? Unclear? And also a bigger thing is I was on birth control, which I was on for migraines. I think, uh, you know, I got these date piercings, the piercings on the inside of here on both sides.
Does it help?
Placibo effect is an effect, So if that's why it works, fine, sixty percent effective. I'm obsessed with opening a medical practice that's just placebo effect because placebo effect is actually higher than the effect of most yes drugs.
Wow, it's kind of a genius idea.
And so I was on birth control, which there's all this sort of look I'm the first person to poke holes and like research but showing that when you're on birth control you're attracted to a different kind of partner because you smell pheromones differently. Your body thinks it's you know, so you're attracted to a different kind of person. They say that if you're going to get married, get engaged, go off birth control for a year before you get the government involved. To me, make sure that you're still attracted to that person.
Wow.
So I went off birth control, I went off prozac in my like grief, I just forgot to take it all, you know. And and I was hanging out with this awesome, awesome guy who you know, it's interesting, Like this might sound savage, but I think there's something so cool about it where I was like, look, I know I'm not your match. And look in exes, my new favorite thing is to just go, we weren't a match. Yeah, I don't have to give them a diagnosis. They're a narcissist, they're this maybe, but also we just weren't a match, and like that's fine. And instead of like carrying all these negative terms about exes, you know, and so we're just not a match. Like they are a pathological liar and I'm not.
I mean, I know nothing I do about that.
I just well, that's they're actors. They lie for a living. They went prizes for lying, so you know, but I try to just like take all that negativity out of it and whatever of superiority I need to, like, you know, I was like, we're not a match. He's younger than me, and I'm like, look, I want you to be able to like have all these like life experiences with somebody who isn't so road hard and put away wet and so like, oh I overrated.
Like you should be able to like go enjoy it. Go to Cancun please.
And this there is this next generation of younger guys that are like actually like not monsters. They grew up with like Beyonce and Michelle Obama, like they kind of only saw a black president, you know, for most of their life. And you know, they grew up with like Brene Brown, and a lot of video games, I gotta say, are like about chivalry and a lot of them are about killing hookers. But there's some that are you know, there's these Dungeons of Dragons guys, and these they're very cringe, but like ren Fair guys.
Oh one of my best friends, and I love a ren Fair, very very pro Sophia.
Wait, we're going?
No, I have okay, So are we going?
No? Are we going? I've already DMed ren Fair. I'm trying to be the queen for the for the year. So the rent Fair Queen. It's a year, it's equipment. I d M them and they and they actually, I'm on I've been left on Red by the Fair.
So they've seen it.
Wow, and it's it's tougher than like getting rejected on Rayah. You you don't know rejection the Rent Fair. Uh, is like we're good. But Lindsay Sterling and I go together and and here's this thing. I'm so curious and I want to shut up asap. I'm going to get TMJ on this podcast, but I just am so excited to talk to you. Is there anything that you're doing in life as an adult work, because I'm always looking for like hobbies as entertainers. It's like, what are we doing to be entertained? Where you're doing something kind of to make fun of it or kind of as a joke, and then you're like, no, I'm just doing it like I've been to the Renfair now like six times, like as a joke, and I'm like, yeah, oh, I just go to the ren Fair.
Okay. So yes, I have discovered and I thought it was ironic and that I was being very contrariant and silly with my girlfriends. I'm just a Disney adult and I didn't know I was a Disney Adult. But then I went to Disneyland, went on rides with all my friends, eight corn dogs all day. There are every delicious food from around the world, including Little Begnet's are at Disneyland, and I was like, oh, I used to be like why are grown ups going to Disneyland? And I want to go all the time.
Okay, let's break this down because I think I'm someone who historically maybe poked fun at Disney adults because I didn't have Disney in my childhood.
I think we went one time in my childho like, I don't, It's great.
I went one time. One of my best girlfriends is Jennifer Goodwin. She played snow White Princess, Yes, a princess, and Josh Dallas is whatever. So we went and they're like, they're like gods there right, and we had a tour guide. And I'm such a weirdo. I didn't grow up around Disney. I didn't. We didn't. I didn't really have a childhood like I, you know, so I'm asking all these questions about like the park. I'm obsessed with the park. I My algorithm is all princesses that used to work at Disney telling all the secrets of like what they had to wear makeup wise and what because the Disney Princess is very strict rules. They're not allowed to say certain things, you know, and like who are they? I'm just fascinated the makeup they have to wear all of it, and they don't. They can't pee, they can't go to the bathroom, they can't eat, they can't drink water, like none of it. And so I'm asking all these questions to this guys, and I'm like, so, what's the deal with the with the pedophiles? What's to do? How do you guys keep them out? And uh? Because there's this whole underground like.
Jail, and I've heard about this. I want to see it.
And I think it's like one in every like thirty people at Disneyland is an undercover cop. And if you really just sit that and then you'll watch someone just go up to a guy and be like, hey, dude, you're gonna come with me. We're going for a walk like they have it obviously, you know, so hardcore, so dial nock and then I'm like, that's the only place I want to be at a time when you're like the Epstein List and all these creeps are everywhere. I live at Disneyland, where their policy is no crepes.
No creeps. I love that. If that could be a policy everywhere outside of Disneyland also, I would be so grateful.
But unfortunately, I think girls should just be able to go there for like girls' nights because there's no grapes, or at least they handle the crepes.
Yeah, and then the cats.
You know, they let out one hundred cats at night to take care of the rat problem, just to make sure there's no rats.
Love it every night.
I love the Disneyland like what I love that.
You of the lore.
It's a whole city. There's a city underneath I mean Disney Like there's a city. So I'm sure that being a you know, do you look back at anything that used to make fun of or not like and then realize it's because you were becoming it, Like we kind of become what we hate. Like whatever we resist persist or you know whatever. Adage kind of like works. But I find whenever I'm like, oh, Disney adults, I'm kind of like, I feel like that's on the rise of me. That's probably why I'm like resisting so hard. It's like when you're like mean to a guy, you're like, oh, I actually just like you.
Well, so really the point of this podcast is we're going to Disneyland.
Together, sold and ren Fair and Renfair.
Let's go okay wait, but when you were talking about ren Fair, you were also talking about the sort of younger, more gentle dudes that go to a ren Fair. So where where's that train going?
And next generation of God not all of them. I can't speak for all of them. We only see the reddish stuff and the negative stuff. But I think the next generation of guys is going the opposite way from these like porn obsessed, like you know, checked out, over stimulated with women.
I hope.
So there's a lot of younger guys that are not using porn, and they're like their kink is like love because that's the kinkiest thing you can do at this point, is like one woman like missionary and like eye contact and like kissing because like it was so extreme for them, this like Pendulum is like swinging back and he's just this like just the I don't know, I just became obsessed with him and I was like, I know I'm not your wife, like, but can I just go off birth control and if it happens, it happens. Because you might not be my husband, I might not be your wife, but you are a father. Like just I see it so clearly.
And that's what happened.
That's what happened.
Ah, and what's what's the non relationship relationship?
Now it's the best we're There was this part of me that was like, make it work, make it work, make it work, to have this new year family that you always wanted. And it was like, that's not fair to him. You know. I think that we forget sometimes as women when you're in any relationship, or guys probably do it too. I just can't speak to that where you're like, you know, I need to make this work, like you know what, Just can you imagine if you found out the other person was thinking like that with you? Yeah, we forget who we're like, I'm going to be a martyr and make this work. Like ew, you're wasting another person's time if you're already you know, if you're pretending or faking or trying to make something work. I mean, look, if you're in of course, relationships take work. I really can't speak to all that because I get so confused around it. But I was just like, I don't want to have any internal monologues that are negative about this. Let's just start this off like honest and forward thinking, in radical acceptance, so that our son never knows any different, you know, to see us as like good friends and we don't complicate things. And I just never want to show resentment or weirdness around him. So we just started co parenting like from the beginning, and it's such a blast.
That's so cool.
It's like a dream. And then I started dating the guy that I'm with like when my son was like three months old.
Oh my goodness, that's so cool.
Just I like, look, it's so hard for me to trust that anyone would be into me in any capacity. That the guy that I'm with now we started dating when I had a newborn, Like that's what it takes for me to be convinced that you actually like me, to throw you in the deep end so hard. You know, I'm like still hemorrhaging from childbirth and just purple from Arco's veins, and just you know, here's my base.
We are.
I'm breastfeeding that I can't really walk, and you know, so the guy that I'm with now, So it's kind of a wild uh dynamic, but like why not?
And now a word from our sponsors who make this show possible. I think there's something you know, not that we've had the same experience, but I do think there's something about meeting a person when you are you're most taken apart.
In a way.
And for me, like I had to really deconstruct so many things about the pressure I put on myself, the subconscious pressure I put on myself approaching forty and wanting to be a parent and doing all these things. And yeah, sure there's things that aren't for public consumption, and there's diagnoses you could give and all the you're talking about, But at the end of the day, it's like, no, if we're just trying to build the image, but the life inside isn't happy, or you feel hollow or a it's like a movie backdrop, like it looks like the mountains, but actually it's just a sheet that's been painted on. Like what are we what are we doing? And why do we feel like we have to do it that way?
And I grew up watching parents fight like dogs that not have been together. I remember, yeah, sobbing begging my parents to get a divorce, and you know, I just I don't feel like it's fair. You know, I think the children understand, oh, this didn't work out, Like now I can show you things don't work out the way that the Norman Rockwell painting is like it's it's okay. And you know, I think that it was also liberating because I was like, Okay, I'm forty years old. If I start over right now, not having a child, which I want, you know, so bad, I'm just gonna put so much pressure on everyone I date, like are you a father? And you a father? And da da da, and let me see, I'm just gonna be like how big are your hands and like just getting so primorial.
Do you have any history of heart disease in your family? What about rare cancers?
Like I meant this while we're sending it to twenty three and right now I just was like, I'm never gonna or I'm gonna settle for the wrong I'm gonna have a kid with the wrong person too fast and make a big mess. And I don't think it's fair to be you know, we talk about objectifying you know, women a lot, but it's not fair to objectify a man on the first date, like are you a father? Are you a father? Like you know, are you calm, honor? And you can let me it's your credit score, like I just you know. So I was like, let me just take this off the table. And then I had this, you know, cause that worked, you know when I was when I froze my eggs. It took a lot of pressure off. And then this like yeah, you know, I'm really also working on you know. And I'm sure it's different from everyone not getting all my needs met from the same person. I don't think historically that's ever been the case. I think our biological basis is like, you know, not conducive to that at all, the idea that your person needs to be like your husband and your best friend and the father of your kid and your you know, and the handyman at the house and the like everything or your girl, whatever it is. And so to me, I'm like, Okay, now that I have my heart so full, I can actually go out and find a teammate, a co pilot, a partner instead of like my world, I have a world already, yeah, you know, And I think that my relationships before were so codependent because I was like, I need you to you're my dad that never loved me and my mom that drank and you're you know, And then I was getting my emotional needs met from like Hollywood, Like I mean, it was, it was mentally ill. So now it's like, I think it's just about how do you get your emotional needs met in appropriate ways? And the word appropriate is kind of a new one for me as a comedian. I know that's not something that comes naturally for me to understand, but like it's just like not appropriate for me to expect my guy to be sad about my girlfriend breakup. You know. He's like, no, it's not she was toxic for you. And I'm like, I need to cry for two weeks because I still love girlfriend. Breakups are so much they're so hard than gud But you know what, wait, I have to Okay, I know we're talking about this thing, but I do have to ask you this because this was like a for me.
I don't even know what the interview was, but when Oprah and Gail were talking and Oprah said, you cannot be friends with someone who has even an ounce of jealousy about your life, even an ounce and it really it hit me in such a way because I went, oh, well, no wonder, they've been friends for their whole lives, and oh, no, wonder we go through these things. Our lives are weird. Hollywood's weird, our careers are weird. Being in relationship to people in the public eye is weird, and it's hard. And also you kind of can't have relationships with people who find your life hard for them.
It's also tricky with that because I wouldn't even have been able to apply that advice to my life into very recently save in order to ascertain whether someone's jealous of you, you have to have self esteem and thank you your life is awesome and that you're awesome, ding ding ding. I was in all these RELATIONSHSPEP. I think that was happening. But I was like, I would be jealous of my.
Life the same. I was like, nobody's meaner to me that me. I'm not fill in the blank, this person, I'm not doing, fill in the blank, this job I'm not and I and I wasn't in any way capable of owning what I am. I just constantly identified what I wasn't and that not only for the kinds of friendships that break up, but for relationships, for romantic relationships that makes you such a target for manipulation and people who will take advantage of you. And like it really required everything, like the House of Cards really coming down to go, hold on, what ways have I been complicit in what I've accepted that isn't it? And how do I change that? And you know, in the same way that you're talking about meeting your guy in the most insane time, Like I never thought I was going to find the most keeling and sweet and joyful and kind love of my life in a fucking divorced girl group chat, but here we are, Like not on my Bingo card ever, and here we are. And it's like, I bet it wasn't on your Bingo card that you were going to have a three month old and fall in love with someone that wasn't that baby's dad.
But I realized the only my heart was so full with this child that the only person who could have even got through to me was someone he's already a dad, he's you know, has a kid. That was like down that was like, oh, you still have stitches in and you can't have sex for three months and you've got this baby, and like pressure, yeah, he was like.
You know was he was? He just like, let me swaddle your baby, and you were like Yupah.
He showed up a Harley Davidson onesie, Oh my god, and he's an Eagles fan so all this like Eagles gear. And it was like, because I had this identity that was like, Okay, now I'm a single mom, like I'm no one's gonna want to sign up for this. Oh it's gonna make me cry, Like who would want this? You know? Like, and I think that you're like this too, and maybe I won't diagnose you, but I think that we come off so independent and so self sufficient that it doesn't occur to anyone that we ever need help. Ye, and yes, you know I that was the only time I was needing help because I like literally like couldn't walk up a flight of stairs.
You couldn't pretend you didn't need help anymore.
Exactly. You just nailed it. And it softened me in that moment, and I'm like, is this what it comes to for a man to see my vulnerable side? Literally? Just being like he would drive all the way here, he lives two hours away and I'd be like, I have to take a nap. He'd be like, no problem, you know, like let me make you some food. Like that's what it came to for me to allow someone to love me and take care of me. And I don't think I ever would have been able to do that had I not actually been like still bleeding from child.
Wow. I think that's really it's really profound, and that's really beautiful and how fucking cool that you did it.
Tricky thing, because I'm so like anti pretending to be anything you're not or don't ever make yourself small for someone. But there's also a point where you have to go, like if I want to attract someone that has any caretaking capabilities or that will be helpful and useful and that helps them build their pride and their self esteem and that's maybe how they give love if their language is acts of service or you know, and I'm not giving them the opportunity to do that for me because my thing is like I mean anything, I'm so independent. I got it, I got it, I got it, And they're like, do you even need me for this? Like I want to be with someone that I can love and you know, I love through acts of service, and I love through fixing and helping, you know. And then I found myself in relationships with people that are just like so unavailable and so not there. And I'm like, of course I'm attracting that kind of person because I don't need anything. Somebody attracts someone who can't give anything, and so, you know, I don't know where you are. And love languages, I know, I'm sure. I'm sure a lot of it is. You know, it is what it is. But there is a book that is so deeply toxic and it is so helpful. I'm going to bring it up. It is called getting Too I Do, and it is truly the worst title of any book. But boy, ignore all the toxic heteronormative like marriage stuff. It's not even about the marriage. It's like about how one person needs to be a giver and one person needs to be a receiver, and like switching back and forth is confusing, and you got to pick a lane. And in my relationships, I was always the giver, but in my work, I'm the giver and I just was always giving, given, giving, and I wasn't allowing myself to receive anything anywhere. And I wanted a teammate, but I wasn't giving anyone the opportunity to give to me. So I was so frustrated. I was like, I'm doing everything myself. Why aren't they helping? It doesn't occur. When would they have time to help? You've already done it all, you know, double virgo till I die. Come from alcoholic home, Like, I'm gratified child.
Yeah, you and me both, babe.
It helped me to learn receiving isn't weak. It just mean you're stupid. It doesn't mean you need a man or need a relationship, or you're pathetic or weak. It's like, yeah, could you make the reservation? Could you make that choice? What do you want to make the choice? I'm just a capacity for making choices today. I just I don't I'm a decision fatigue. What decent this thing? Could you just schedule it? Thank you? Want to love you? And that's what the essence of that book is.
That kind of yeah, But that's what I was going to ask you, because the hyper independence that comes off is so professional, so successful. So whatever you know. You mentioned growing up in a household where you were at times begging your parents to get divorced. I also went through that, and I realize I was a very early parentified child. I was like, I love you both, y'all are nuts. I see myself out here. Yeah, I'll take it from here. I will never need anything. And the wild thing that I've been through more recently, you know, we had this big kind of family meeting I don't know, eight years ago and started processing through some things that I thought were a really big deal. And I was in a period of five years of deep singletom just like I reject a relationship, I'm not doing this, and I had to kind of get to the bottom of some things in my family. And the coolest thing that's happened to me since I, you know, knocked down the whole house of cards two years ago, is it. It gave my parents and I another opportunity to talk to each other. And I realized i'd been saying, you know, I'm so glad my parents still have each other, and I'm really glad for where they're at. But I don't know when they became this couple that holds hands walking down the street and likes hanging out with each other. And I realized that because I rejected the hard times they went through because they're just two people doing the best they can, you know, not in a generation where they had Instagram, therapists and mental health access, you know, resources everywhere. That I missed the way they healed together. So I rejected what didn't work, but I never learned what really did WHOA And so I didn't even know that in my hyper independence, which was a trauma response to that toxicity at the time, I didn't even realize that as an adult who looked super successful on the outside and who'd been through a lot and had healed from it, supposedly that I just kept finding the same fucking clause to fit the same fucking wounds. And the aha moment that I had realizing I was in a situation at forty that so closely mirrored a situation I was in twenty years.
Before, like pattern recognition.
I was like, oh my god, everything stops. Everything's got to stop, and it was so scary to do it. But the way it feels now, like I see the joy on your face when you talk about where you are now, and I feel that I just.
In talking about how different it is from if it feels uncomfortable and the opposite of my thing is, you know, look, I'm you know, I'm in alan On and Aca, and you know, it's really just about taking a contrary action. And if something feels too familiar before you've been in recovery, that means you're recreating your childhood circumstances, whatever equilibrium of the neurochemical. There's a great book again horrible title, Horvel Hendricks, Getting the Love You Want, about how we're attracted to people with the negative qualities of our primary caretakers, because it recreates that from mine was chaos. And the more on drugs you are, the more you know, dramatic going through a horrible breakup, you need to you know, go from the rehab to the assisted living and you have a stock like chaos was so familiar to me because that was my role as a kid, was to make everybody happy and calm and just help me get the helper right. And so you know, and I did. And no shade on your parents, no shade even on my parents. I'm kind of at the point where it's like we forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, because we deserve peace. And now that I have a son, I'm like God, I hope he like forgives me when I mess up. I'm sure I will, so just trying to, you know, approach that way. But there was this guy on I think it was Rich Roll, who said, a sign of healthy parenting is that your children don't wish to be famous. And it's just kind of like, Okay, I don't have to overthink this. I went to strangers. I go to try to make drunk strangers laugh at night.
Oh you know what I mean.
I didn't. I didn't get I didn't get what I needed. But no one's going to give it to me. I have to give it to myself.
You have to give it to your you're.
Famous, you're in a super big jam because then people want to be around you sometimes for the wrong reason, so it's not real love. And that I go, oh, well, I'll sell it for being used. Being used. I'll never love, so I'll just be used, like I know what that is. And then to break that cycle is like is not a game.
It's like total It felt like total and complete annihilation by choice. But I would not go back for a moment.
The concept called wabbi Sabby, I'm sure you know that. Yeah, term of something is actually more valuable after it's been broken. And like when bolt breaks, they painted back with gold.
Yeah it's so beautiful, sobby, no big deal. Yeah you're like, I'm an art piece, bitch, Like I'm a like, I fancy, I love it. Put me in a museum.
That guy, Steve Win, the hotel guy. Yes, he put his hand through a van Gogh because he has issues. And then they restored it and now it's worth like fifty million more like being broken and fixed is sicker, like scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.
Totally, and now a word from our sponsors. So I'm curious about this because you've talked about it a lot, and if you feel like you've talked about it too much, we can move on. But you you you've shared about your postpartum depression journey. And so not only when you give me context on finding this really healthy love and learning to let people support you, you were also you weren't just dealing with the physical postpartum. You were dealing with this enormous mental shift. And were you able to identify that really quickly, because like when I was going through what I was going through, granted not because of a kid but like fertility hormones or gnarley. I was like, oh, what is happening to me? Is the is a kind of depression that is scary and I need to figure it out. And I had to confront a lot of things, namely like I'm not getting any help with this, Like how did you know that it wasn't just oh my body aches because I pushed a baby out, but like something else is wrong.
I'm already getting emotional, so you know, lot's coming, No in a good way, you know, I don't. I no longer see crying as bad, like it's you know, it's decongestion, and it's like the body that keeps the score I have here somewhere. It's just like you know, releasing And I think when we have these conversations, like it's a sign of uh, I think strength and success that this deep.
Well, yeah, that you're not masking this part of yourself.
I can't pretend anymore. And I'm so grateful for that. And I don't I used to kind of just like go for the joke, and going for a joke podcasts when there's no audience just comes off cringe and pick me anyway, you know. For me, it was a couple of things. You know, I will start by saying, I'm not a big pharmap pusher person. If it's for you, that's awesome. I think there's definitely a place for I know people who have are no longer with us, who have taken their lives because they went off a medication they really needed. I know people who I think have gone on medications they did not need at all, and it has hurt their lives in a lot of ways and mental health. I went off everything and ultimately settled on just because I have repetitive intrusive thoughts, which is a normal, healthy reaction from a dangerous childhood. To go like that is a soo on? Is this on? Is the door? Like that? Like it's a survival mechanism. It's something that also I think women we specifically have we're you know, used to have to give birth in the woods at fifteen blood everywhere with predators around. Is that a line? Is that a line? Is that a line? Is that a lot? Like? That's you know, survival narrative. But I did go on first ten milligrams of prozac and then up to twenty milligrams of prozac, which just kind of cuts the perseveration and the loop in like kind of in half for me of like get off this podcast and go like, oh that was boring. You were boring, talk too much, that was annoying. You cried on the podcast. Why did you do that? That was like a I'll do that for like five.
Minutes and you know instead of an hour.
Yeah, like they like, I'm going to do it as much as it will be constructive for me to next time improve the way I communicate, but I'm not going to like hurt myself. You know. So I had gone off prozac when I was pregnant, so I was definitely off prozac as well. You know. So I'm not saying everyone that has postpartum should be on something. For me personally, it's a little bit of those repetitive thoughts before the prozac kicked back in, and then I think there was just you know how like when you almost get in a car accident but you don't, you're fineing, you're fine, and then you like get home and then you're like, yeah, like it it comes out like a delay. Yeah, all the stuff that I'm talking about of like I did it with someone that I'm not married to and I did it, you know, out of wedlock after my mom died. And I'm coming off like I'm very like, I'm this decision and I you know, that's so self actualized and I have all this agency and I did this, you know, kind of what's the word unconventional thing. I think that there was like a delayed emotional hangover of having to be an acceptance of that I didn't really have any choice, like when I was pregnant, I was just kind of like, this is what I'm doing. I think we forget a lot about like the freeze response and like shock, and it took me a lot. A lot of the time. I'm in shock a lot, and sometimes it takes me a second to like process something that happened. And after I had him and things got real, Oh it's gonna makee me cry. There is like a sadness around it also, which is like, fine, this is a choice that I made, you know, but there's a sadness for all of us to go like, oh, like I'm not gonna have that thing. You know, does anybody have it? I don't know, you know, does anybody have it? Unclear? But you know that's why movies like Frozen are so important because you're like, oh, the love story between sisters. You know, Yes, But I do think that I also had a sadness for myself of like, whoa, I could have done that this way this whole time and put myself through shape shifting and pretending and trying to be the girl that he'd want to marry so we can have the kid. You know. I was like it was a sadness for also like what I had done to myself and being around a baby, it's just like it gives you a whole new level of understanding how I guess mentally ill my parents were. It went from like I'm mad at them to like, oh, wow, I was in actual danger. Like when you're with a baby and you see how defenseless they are and how innocent. There's like a news that comes up that's like it's like they didn't want this, Like how could you not? You know, But addiction is real, and addiction, you know, people that are addicted to drugs, they give their baby away gambling. You know, I can see for you know, So I think it's a lot of that. I think when you're with a baby, that's so defenseless and so innocent and so sweet. You also go like what happened? What does this world do? Like I have this little boy, he's the sweetest thing, and I'm like all men start out like this, Yeah, what are we doing to these people? You're like, what are we doing to them? So I think there was this there's a sadness there, and then as he gets older, I think that's when the postpartum I don't know what to call it really hits me because I didn't really have a childhood with toys and play and so I'm kind of having it for the first time with him, and it's just like sadness, which is like I'd rather be the person cryinger on your podcast, as much as embarrassing as it is, then the person who's like angry later, you know, because I think I had a lot of anger for a long time that I just thought was like I'm funny and I'm sarcastic, but it was like angry underneath it, you know, And so that's kind of what it was for me. I think it was a remix of chemical and uh, you know, your body is not your body that I actually, for the first time my life got obsessed with my body, like I had eating disorders and and dysmorphia and all kinds of it with my mind so long one side a kid, I was like, it's not about my body. It's I'm not trying to get some executive at CBS to be like in em hire me. Like what I was like, this is just my kid's house at this point, you know, That's what I thought about it. So I think there's just also this chrysalis of going like I'm an adult now and the relief of like I don't have to think about myself anymore. And I was so sick of myself. What we do for a living. I know everyone kind of wants to do what we do, and that's awesome, and there's so many amazing things about what we do. But like I was like there, I was at a like peak mental illness, like crisis, and I think plot twist. I guess I'm not a malignant narcissist. I was just so sick of myself. And I realized, like, if I'm thinking about myself all day, I hate myself. But if I'm thinking about myself like an hour a day, that's like that's like the sweet spot. So such a victory in all of this, But I think once you have that child in front of you, and the decisions really made of like okay, like I'm a single mom, Like okay, Like I tried. I did everything I could. I pretended to like the you know, the Miami heat for a guy. I pretended to like coffee. I pretended to be this person I pretend to be in the camping Like I tried, and it didn't work. And I could, I couldn't make it perfect. And there's a little bit of a like, you know, I think my son's going to think it's cool, but there's a little bit of like I have to explain this one day, you know.
Yeah, yeah, but I think it's kind of incredible.
You know.
I I will never forget like and this was years before any of this, but I will never forget doing during the pandemic when we were all home, I did Glennon Doyle's book tour with her on Instagram live.
Yeah, and when.
She talked about being in this marriage and looking at her daughter and saying like would I want this for my daughter? Like I'm staying for my daughter, but what I want my daughter to stay in this?
Oh?
I needed to hear that to eventually unpack the house I grew up in with my parents, and I needed to hear it so that on the precipice of having a kid, I could say, I don't want this for my kid. I don't want the thing i'm in that has just eviscerated me to be the thing my kid grows up in. And I think there's something so cool about the fact that we all, in our own unique versions, are having this experience because I think the kids we raise are going to be more mentally healthy because we can talk to them about finding mental toughness, about finding our own mental health, about not having to make it look perfect, and not trying to go after you know, the fairy tale ending, but actually finding joy and personal fulfillment, even when it requires so much courage because you have to do the brave, hard thing.
But I think that what you're saying is making me think for the first time. The idea is that I think this generation we're kind of been chosen to be the cycle breakers, and hopefully this next generation doesn't need to have constant mental health CONTs all the time. Hopefully there's meditation in schools and there's you know, school isn't just sitting down and staring at us memorizing when that's not how we're wired. You know. Like I think this next generation, you know, is going to look at phones the way we look at cigarettes. We're gonna be like you guys just did that all day inside, you know all the I think that, like we're kind of the the you know, our parents, Uh, I mean the parents before that were just a wash there. They were like kids working in factories. You know, They're doing pretty good given the circumstance. It says that generationally and our parents were raised by you know, people that are completely emotionally shut down, that were like in wars, you know, and then us, like I think we're the ones that are hopefully going to get a modicum of you know, sort of mental health in place, so this next generation can just exist and being in a way. You know. But it's it's it's a lot, man, And like I think to me, you know, I really stick with a lot of like basics, like gratitude list is it? Because the worst thing I think we can be at this point is a sore winner?
Yeah? Do you do that every day?
Yeah?
Make a gratitude list? Do you do it in the morning or at night.
I do it usually at night before bed, because I do a ten step in a twelve step program, which is where you go, do I owe any apologies today? You know? Do I have any resentments from today? Do I have any fears from today? And then like gratitude list before bed? Yeah, it's good. Yeah, that's like a ten step and a twelve step programs so that you don't like carry shame and in the next day or you're not like laying in bed and being like, was I like weird on Sophia's podcast? Would I reach out to her and like you should hang out? Did I drop the ball on that? Like instead of just thinking about it, I can just go like, hey, you know, sorry, if that I was late, great talking to you, like whatever it is. I can just make an apology where I need to, so that I'm not beating myself up over it and accruing an embarrassment kind of thing. But yeah, I really am trying to write stuff down. I have a typewriter now, typewriter that does not have Wi Fi on it.
We like that.
I do think another part of postpartum depression. I'm not hearing a lot about me, not because just because i'm you know, I'm sure it's a discussion, but you're really really faced with your addictions after you have a kid and hardcore because you're like, oh, he's on the table sleeping, or he's in the bouncer or whatever, sleeping. Okay, do I have a second to go get my phone? Like there was a couple of times where I made the wrong decision because I had to get my phone or look at my phone. And nothing bad happened, but like it could have where I was kind of rolling the dice. And addictions make you sort of less able to assess the true danger of something because we want that fix so bad. Thank God for me, it's not you know, substances, but like there's times he was like on the bed and I was like, oh, just I'll just turn on real quick and I'll get my phone and I'll send that Instagram, you know, And I was like, oh, I'm kind of addicted to my phone because I'm gambling. I'm kind of gambling with my son's safety, as you know. And nothing bad happened, but it could have, right, So you have to face a lot of your like embarrassing inner monologue where you're there with your baby and you're kind of like, I gotta make a TikTok.
You're like, oh, and now a word from our wonderful sponsors. Okay. So I'm really curious about this because this has brought you so much mental clarity and it feels like a lot of emotional softening and has a required bravery and all these things, and like you said, you're facing all of this. The typewriter is genius.
Also go I'm falling behind, looking at my son and going I'm falling behind. Put another stand up special out.
So that was gonna be my question. How do you from this place say I want to write new comedy. I want to go and do a tour Like what is is it?
Oh?
I took a break and now I have to get to work. I'm going to go do the big baby tour. Or were you like, Oh, I've made more space emotionally and now I want this creative hit for myself as well.
I had no ability to be creative for like six months, and I think that was another element of the postpartum depression of like that I didn't want to talk about and I still don't want to talk about I only do this for you because my brain didn't work, they said, mom, brain whatever, you know my brain. I couldn't remember the most basic things. I couldn't make jokes, I couldn't write jokes. Like I just was like, I was really scared at how for lack of a better work dumb I was. And it did make me realize, like so much of my self esteem is about how much I know? And am I smart? And am I funny? And I wasn't those things six months after I had my kid, and I was like, I'm useless, Like I'm not funny, I'm not smart, I'm not interesting. I can't remember anything. And it helped me really see that and how this is where I get my value and what I think people like about me, which is probably the opposite. People like she's such a know it all. We liked her better, So I had to face that. And then you know, to me, I'm really big on software updates for our brains. You know, take the time and have the software update. In order for art to imitate life, you have to have a life. And I've always struggled with that. I'm sort of like next special may learn to write more jokes. Write more jokes, and you end up kind of writing about the same things and sort of doing a bad impression of yourself. I think it's really important that we all consciously decide to grow and mature. And I have no allegiance to the person I was yesterday, and I really try to go like if I do this quickly and fast, it's not going to be thoughtful and mindful. So much of stand up is just like spending a lot of time ruminating and like trying to fair opinion is on something. And I was like, Okay, let me just take this time to like read all the books that I pretend I've read, and let me finish all the books that I say I've finished but I haven't, you know, and just like live my life a little and like do chores. And I and I realized that, like so dorky, but chores are such a big part of my sanity. Double virgo till I die. But I had gotten some help, like you know, when I had the kid, when I was pregnant, and I was like, I just want to go back to every morning doing some like you know, things that need to be done, you know, productivity and cooperation make dopamine. I want to like take care of my own I just think we're so wired just like do things for ourselves that need to be done. I used to have someone that did my like garden. I started doing it myself, and I'm like such a happier person. You know. It's such a simple thing. I know, but before you go to the therapist, like clean your house, clean out your car, and plant some flowers and like see what happened. So I like wake up in the sunlight gardening. I think we're just really wired, like barefoot connect to the earth. I know this sounds so tanga of me right now, but that I really you know. And then I want my son. He just wants to like rake and dig, and I'm like, God, this is kind of what we're wired to do. So little that started started helping me and not going like I need to write five pages of jokes today. I was like, let me just be a person. And then the clarity started coming back, and I think a lot of things that I don't remember I wasn't meant to remember. Here's the good news, Like once you have a kid, there's a little bit of like a hippocampus wipe I've run into side pool, had a great conversation with a couple guys. Two weeks later, I was like, wait, oh we dated whoa, whoa when I had a kid. In my brain was like, we don't need that. We don't need that, like little things you know that you carry, like that a was mean to me and that person was said something nasty on social about me. It's like, gone, you know, that's a good thing about mom brain. Is that a nice state of like the stuff that doesn't matter is just kind of gone.
Yeah, that's great. I mean, look, I I'm sad for you that it felt so stressful, and it definitely makes me want to double down on the fact that, you know, we actually need paid leave in this country because in other countries you can be a CEO and then have a year off with your baby, and in America they're like two weeks isn't long enough and you're like, no, I'm literally still waiting. What are you talking about.
I've not a couple of people that went to England to have their child because it is cheaper to fly to London. What tell have your baby and fly.
Back then to just do it here?
Yeah? Boy? And also everything that you said about making peace with your parents, because when you have a kid, come along. They're your childcare. I mean in this country, like your parents, your sister. You know. So I'm still alive. I would have been like, you know.
What, it's fine, come over. I really, I mean ten minutes to make a TikTok. Thank you.
This is your way to get right with God and get you.
But yeah, I'm cashing in on all my karmic points. Thank you so much.
But so yeah, you get another reason to forgive your parents because you will, yeah you know. But yeah, it's it's just a trip, you know.
And now a word from our sponsors that I really enjoy and I think you will too. Okay, tell me because obviously I just want to talk to you about life all the time and eventually actually come over and ride your horses. But I do want to talk about your work because I'm very excited about it. How many cities are you going to on tour? Where do the people get the tickets? Like people want to come and watch you make them laugh.
That's so nice. I think that, honestly, And that's not just because this is my job. I think coming to see a stand up show even if it's not me, even if you don't think women are funny or whatever, go see life because it really is like anathema and alternative data to what we're seeing online every day, Like yes, online every day. You would just think people just want to fight. People hate each other. People if they voted differently, they won't speak to each other. Nobody wants to laugh. Everybody hates comedy. Everyone's going out of their way to intentionally misunderstand a joke in order to be offended. And then you're in like a room with three thousand people that all showed up to laugh, shoulder to shoulder. They don't know how the person next to them voted. Everyone laughing about the same thing, having the same experience like it is just like makes me feel so hopeful to see so many people like going. We want to like enjoy this life. It's not guaranteed, you know, I don't know how then, you know, if I'm going to survive tomorrow, Let's just laugh about all this. And we don't want to be miserable. You know, We're not the people that are just like signing up to be miserable and a dreanalized you know, although I know that that hating online, that's an addiction. I think we'll look back, you know, like there'll be laws that are like you can only make five comments a day or whatever.
That would be incredible.
You know what I mean. Like, I think it's it's self righteous in ignation. It's an adrenaline addiction. And guess what if I was eighteen, I'd probably be that person. I'd probably be online.
Like Jill adrim Brodie throwing your gunt, your girlfriend or whatever. It's like, I'd probably be that person if I didn't have the outlet of doing stand up and writing.
You know, I get it if you we get hurt all the time. We get heard people here like you know, want to hear us, Like a lot of people don't get heard. You know. If I didn't get hurt, I'm sure i'd be doing that and so uh so, yeah, Whitney Comedies dot Com. I don't you know, it's I don't know, I'm so embarrassed. I'm just I have so much shame around.
That, don't we And you're because you're right, laughter really is medicine. And it's like I think that I think vulnerability is medicine. I think laughter is medicine. I think they are both so essential in a world where we are trying to resist the Andrew tatification of society, and like we we need to be reminded, as you said, that not everyone is like violent and terrible en out to get each other.
Yeah, I mean I also think like we have to remember, like I don't know that much about that guy, but there's always been good and evil. They'll always be good and evil. I think, like, you know, evil is always louder, and mental illness is always louder. So I think we also have to choose. This might be a hot take, like people who talk about like mental illness, you know, mental health, we got to talk about it.
You might say they're in a lot of pain.
Sounds like they're in a lot of pain, you know. And look, I also think, like I'm not gonna you know, I'm still trying to figure out what my quote religion is. You know, even people that like I'm a theists, that's a religion. You know. For everyone I know that doesn't have religion, they're like I have five hundred crystals that have names and talk to each other, you know, I don't know, everyone's got their religion you know, I think it's finding one that is, you know, doesn't depend on like women are dumb whares.
You know, maybe that doesn't depend unharming others that would be cool.
Is that what it is? I don't know that much about him that if a man goes bald prematurely, everyone will pay.
Yeah, oh god, that's a deep cut. I feel that.
We need better care transplants for men.
Yeah, because maybe we could have avoided the whole mess if.
He'd there's a photo of it. I looked. I was googling Andrew Takes. I was like, I'm gonna do a bit on him on my podcast, Like I don't really know who this guy is. And there's a photo of him with like, uh huh the balding.
Yah, I know exactly what photo you're talking about.
Yeah, that's it. That's it. We just need better transplants for men so they don't have to be this angry.
Great, we've solved it.
Also, what happened to him?
Yeah, I don't know what happened to that guy?
Put me in the caids with his parents, Like, what happened to that guy? I'm not going to be the person that goes it drives me nuts when every serial killer they're like, well, his mom didn't let him wear pantyhose, so they always serial killers, they always blame the mom.
They always blame the mom.
Yeah, okay, if my son is a serial killer, it is that's his dad. I don't know, let's play it. But I just it's like, I don't know, we're talking about like our parents kind of set up us on a weird track, like totally what what did he not get as a child? I don't know, or maybe psychopath I don't.
Know, maybe all all of it. It seems like a lot of cats in a bag.
Like do you think anyone would bring who's that life if they could have another one?
I don't really know. I think to your point, I think some people want attention so badly that they're literally willing to do anything to get it. And I do find that to be sad. You know, we're having this conversation on podcasts other people are going to listen to, so what do we know?
I totally I just kind of like I just always go for criminal defense in a way because that just makes me go like how would any like how did you get there? How could I like if I had to defend you. What would I do?
This is indicative to me of why we both do this, because we like to ask questions. I like to interview people. Well, you have a podcast, I assume you like it also, or you wouldn't do you prefer being interviewed or doing the interviewing.
I kind of stopped having guests recently, really yeah, because I just I don't know, I tend to be a little wild and a lot of times like, oh my god, that was so interesting, and then the day before it comes out, they're like, can you cut this part in this part in this part? And I'm like, oh, you know, And I don't want anyone to ever feel like, you know, uncomfortable. And I also get so excited to talk to people that I feel like I'm interrupting and I'm annoying, and I don't know, I just need like a little break from from guests. But I also think really quick with the Andrew Tate thing, I do think we we talk about mental health a lot, but enough people talking about when boys are abused, like we think it's like funny, like it's like a punchline that like the Catholic priests like molested, hideous, like, what do you think those kids are going to grow up if we don't, if they get no mental health you know, it's like there's no mental health care for kids that have been molested in the Catholic church. Like there's like alcoholics anonymous, which takes place in a church that's not triggering.
Yeah, no, that's not it, you.
Know what I mean? So like, who knows, I don't know what. I'm not defending Andrew Taine, Oh my god, I can see this headline already.
But here's what's really interesting. I saw this author speaking about this recently and it really made me kind of double take mentally. She said, you know, I think part of the reason that men don't actually want to fix the culture of violence perpetuated by men against women, against girls, boys, anyone, is because men like saying I'm one of the good guys, I'm a protector. I would protect you from a bad guy, and if there's no more bad guys, they lose out on getting to coseplay the hero.
So remember there was like talk of is there arsen during the LA fires, and I started like doing a deep dive on arsenists, and arsenists usually do it to help put out the fire. So if you want to find someone that committed arsen go look at who's fighting the fire.
Yeah, there was a famous case of that here in California, like a big deal fire chief was actually a California arsenist I think in the nineties, like really gnarly. So yeah, I don't know. There's just something about that where I almost wonder if so many men make victims the punchline because they want us lessen the severity of what's being done to people, because they like the idea that they're not the guy who'd do it, which statistically we know is not true. So I don't know, you know, it's weird. I just wish they'd go to therapy instead, But here we.
Are anything to not go to therapy, although I do feel like some men use therapy is like a way to like have better excuses, like I'm just absolutely avoidant. You know, my love language is physical touch with other women. You're like, okay, no, no, no, no no no. Therapy is not to have scientific excuses to be for your behavior. Yeah, the wrong ones will just use it as a way to gaslight you into being like yeah, and my dad didn't play baseball with me, so I'm avoidant. I'm like, you're fifty, dude.
Yeah, grow up, yeah, yeah, no, not just grow up. You're avoidant because you like it.
But I hope you know, Look, I'm sure I was incredibly wrong on a lot of things I said, but I'm kind of just at a point where I'm like, not trying to be right.
I think there's a real sort of acceptance of self and emotional maturity that comes with being able to be curious and to say I don't know the answer to that. I'm curious about this. I'd like more information, and I think that's a nice place to be. It's definitely something that I.
Think we all want answers we want. He's a psychopaths an, he's this, he's a Republican. He's again, like it makes us feel too each I think it makes us feel safe, But actually it makes me feel way safer to be like two things could be true at once. Actually, you know.
Yeah. The thing I'm working on is slowing down and asking more questions in some of the phase of life I'm in.
Same someone that you hate, someone who voted differently than you, someone who tweets things that piss you off. My thing is like, ask them three questions with an open heart and see how quickly you have so much more common than you thought you did.
You know, is that kind of curiosity? Is that pac like a work in progress for you right now? Or is there something that takes that mantle that's.
Oh like a like a thing I'm doing? Yeah, one of Oh, I like this question a big one.
I'm working whatever your work in progress is right now.
Because any time you're judging someone else, it's just I'm my self esteem is so low. I need to feel good about myself right, So what's going on with me that I need to judge this person and be like, Oh, that person's voted this way, this person's dumb, this is you know, it's like, oh, oh, bitch, like with you that you needed that quick hit of self righteous indignation. Also, usually when I have a negative thought about someone or something, it's I've done that, and I don't like that. That person's holding up a mirror like I I've done that. It's like my default, I've done that. Have I done that? I have? You know she's being desperate, like she's being so desperate and picked me and done that. I've done it. And there's just like a grace that comes with admitting that you've done the thing. That's why would it bother me so much? Who cares some of my business? Why would it bother me so much? If I hadn't done it, or if I don't do it, it wouldn't bother me if it wasn't holding up a mirror. You know, I'm working on good segue looking in the mirror and making eye contact with myself, which is really really yeah, have you ever tried?
I guess I don't think about it in that way, but I don't think I I don't really look in the mirror unless I'm brushing my teeth or getting ready for the day.
But we're not even really looking at ourselves. We're kind of like, right, it's a one a twelve step exercise to look at yourself in the mirror and have some effort like make contact with yourself and like be in your skin. I realize I'm often very like in a disassociative state where I'm kind of just like not in my body. It's a little thing, but I realized when I look in the mirror, I'm not looking in the mirror at myself and just being like, hey, that's you like it's it's it's a creepy thing, but try and see what happens.
Okay, that's a good one.
And I'm don't just do something. Sit there, just like, don't respond yet. Yeah, if you think you need to respond or say something, just don't. It's like it's like close. It's like you know how when you go online and you want to get this pair of shoes and if you don't add it to your card or don't buy, it'll like follow you around for a couple of days. You know, the shoes will keep adding popping up and you're My thing is like if it needs to be said, I can wait two days.
Yeah, you know.
And I didn't need to respond to that. I didn't need to say anything to that. I don't need to make a point. I don't need to teach someone a lesson. Like I don't need to be at war anymore. I think it's really important to know. Like you know, they say in twelve Star programs, if good news and bad news, the good news is the war is over. Bad news is you lost. The war is over. And like I don't have to fight little wars with emails and stuff, to like make sure people respect me and make sure like true power comes with not like trying to get power. People respect you, you respect yourself, not when you're like, you need to respect me. It doesn't work that way, you know. So I think it's just doing doing less on all parts and sitting with the feeling and not needing to take an action because we take an action to feel better. Right, Why would you say something like this, d D DA defending ourselves Like I don't need to defend yourself. No one's attacking me. If someone is doing something rude, they're doing that to themselves and has nothing to do with me.
I love that. The theme that keeps coming up for me a lot lately is is slowing down. Just how nice it is to slow down a little bit.
Very for people, have to be with your own thoughts. It's tough, silence, eye contact, slowing down, all of that. I associate slowing down with not being productive, not being busy. Busyness was like the pinnacle of success.
I'm so oh my god. Now I think free time is the is the greatest luxury in the world. I don't want to be I don't I want to be so much less busy.
We glorified being busy and being tired. Yet when people get in the tired Olympics, when they're like, oh I only slept four hours last night, I was like, oh I only slept two hours. And being sick. I've been sick for two weeks. Like we like, no, thank you, we should be proud of it. It's like, yeah, what did you do today? Not much like I don't have to like make it well, I did this and this, And I said, like I find myself eating shit.
Yeah, like you know, like I gardened, Yeah.
I gardened. I kind of like doing nothing is a thing, you know, and being okay with like you know, the therapist I used to work with said, uh, she's like your problem, Whitney, I mean one of the many. But your problem is you conflate boredom and serenity when you come from like adrenaline and like you think you're bored, but you're actually just at peace. You're not bored. That's just peace and quiet. That's the that's the whole, that's the contentment. Because I think in the slowness, like what you're saying, that's when the growth comes. That's when the maturity comes. There's this documentary called cheer The last thing I'll say, Uh, it was on I just all feel the need to give people like credit for what they said. That's profound.
The one that was on Netflix years ago. Yes, I loved that show.
Morgan. Morgan was a young one who was like kind of close, but then she got coached to being great in the season. You know, she came from like a rough lived with her grandmother whatever, and she you know, that show got huge and all of a sudden, she's got like sponsorship since she's on TikTok and she's punk sponsorships with Scrunchy and you know, all this stuff stick and Starbucks. And I saw one of the live shows. I'm just like a fan of these girls because I also am obsessed with all my internalized misogyny that you never like creeps up on you. Because I remember I was always like cheerleaders, h you know, I played basketball. I was like, oh, like jealous obviously, but I was like, okay, cheerlady is a sport, okay. And then watching this, I was like, whoa, these are like incredible athletes and it was just my internalized sexism really right, And I asked her. I was like, she's nineteen years old, like this was happening. I was like, how are you doing? Like what are you going to do this summer? And she's like, I'm going to take a couple months off and I was like oh, and she's like yeah, I just need time to like process all this.
Wow.
Like what, like what? I didn't even know that was an option? What do you mean process?
Wow?
Eve minutes a day, I sit down and I process my life. I'm like process, Like I haven't even thought to go like that happened? That was crazy. Yeah, Like sometimes I just go through my photo album. I'm trying to go like day to time and go like I just associated through that entire thing. And I've designed my life to be so chaotic that I haven't had a second to even process any of this. Right, you know, we don't make time to process our feelings, our emotions, our life anything.
Oh maybe it's not an accident that all of us are ready to slow down.
It's kind of the new It's a flex.
Yeah. I like it.
It's a flex.
I'm proud of us.
I know good too.
We're no hell Like yeah.
People were like you look so good. I stop getting botox about people like you look at them like I've just like kind of sleep, and I like, I'm not in toxic relationships or friendships anymore. If I need to be somewhere at four and it takes a half hour, I leave it three point fifteen, like yeah, just in case, you know, just kind of like not doing the adrenaline thing.
I love that for you, I love that for us.
We're the best.
We ended on such a high note.
