Work in Progress with Sophia BushHer motto in fourth grade was, 'If you can believe it and dream it, you can do it!' And Heather McMahan has done it! She's got a standup special streaming on Hulu right now, is on the road with her Bamboozled comedy tour, and is the host of her own popular podcast, "Absolutely Not!"
The comedian joins Sophia to discuss life on the road, the inspiration behind her podcast, and why hosting awards red-carpet shows is the wildest experience ever, but she has a bigger goal in sight . . . hosting the big show itself - The Emmys! Yes, she's manifesting!
Plus, Heather opens up about how losing her Dad impacted her comedy, how grief can expand one's capacity for joy, and how she knew her husband was the 'right one.'
Heather's comedy special, "Breadwinner," is streaming on Hulu now, and for info on how to see her live and in person on her Bamboozled tour, visit heatherontour.com
Hi everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome to Work in Progress, Welcome back Whipsmarties for an episode I am so excited about. We are joined by one of my favorite comedians today, Heather McMahon is on the podcast here to talk about her latest comedy tour, her incredible podcast, and how she manages to literally do it all. You can stream her comedy special Breadwinner now on Hulu, in which she very humorously and hilariously explores the pressures of being her family's financial support, the perils of being a golf widow, wedding planning on an overblown budget, in law dynamics, and more. And you can get a dose of her every week on her podcast Absolutely Not, she says absolutely not to legitimately everything. She's making a safe space for us all to tell all and bitch about all the rest. There are no topics off limits on her show. She breaks down every day struggles of doing the most and the least at the same damn time. It is so funny. It definitely brings me joy in a crazy, crazy year. So let's dive in and hear from Heather. Okay, before we jump into this insanity that we live in, I got to rewind with you, because I like to know who people were as kids. And this is why I know you. I mean I met you as a I'm probably a bumbling fan. Like when we met, I was like, oh, I got aye. But we all know you from your work and your jokes and your personality and the tours and the space rushels and the things. If we went back to before your life was this, and if you got to hang out with yourself at like eight or nine years old, would you see this version of you in her? Or was it totally unpredictable.
No, I would be able to look myself in the eyes and be like, well, you did exactly what you said you were going to do. I was a very determined kid. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I was going to be in theater. I was going to be in comedy. Actually is so interesting. I found a book. My mom and I were cleaning out some closets at her house, literally found a book last week.
It was called Growing Up.
And it was a book that like everybody in our class in fourth grade wrote a little thing of like what they want to be when they get older. Mine, I shit you not, I'll pull it up. Mine a picture, Yes, I have a picture of the whole thing. Mine was me on stage getting a Grammy because I thought I was going to be a singer. I did a lot of musical theater as a kid. Lost the voice a while ago. Oh, son, and so I'm on stage. It's a little drawing of me getting my Grammy. Oh, I don't mind me as I'm scrolling for it. Okay, so let me just show you this.
So this is me. I don't e ses at the Grammys right old and God.
My whole thing it says when I grow up, I want to I want to be a star and have many opportunities to accomplish this dream. I'd love to have my own record label and my own production company as well. I go on to basically say, if you can believe it and dream it, you can do it. And then I say I'd love to have a show like Rosie O'donnald's. She's just such a great person with a lot of talent. And I literally like go on to say, like I, this is what I want to do. I knew I was going to be an entertainer from a little kid, and my mom and I found this and we were cracking up. I'm like, I was writing this shit down in the fourth grade. I knew what I wanted to do. But I think that became a harder thing later and in life because when I got to college, I was so envious of my friends who were like undeclared, who didn't know what they want wanted to do, because that felt more freeing to me. I was like, oh, you're still trying to figure out exactly what you want to do. I know what I want to do, but it still seems so far away.
So when by the time you got to college, was it a feeling of pressure you were putting on yourself or was it that you were on the precipice of you know, quote unquote adulthood and still didn't know how you were going to get your foot in the door.
A mixture of both. I think when you are because I since.
I was a little kid, I always said I'm going to be on stage, I'm going to be doing something in the arts. So I think to go into college and know exactly what I wanted to do.
Like I went to the University Mississippi.
A lot of my girlfriends wanted to stay locally or you know. They I was like, oh no, once I get out of here, I'm moving to New York, I'm doing stand up, I'm doing the thing.
So for me, it was like, I, while I.
Enjoyed my college experience so much, I was ready to like get to the next thing, and then I got out and I was like, now this is where the fun starts. But it was also terrifying because I knew how long, you know. I knew it was going to take a while to get the ball rolling. So I was always envious of the folks who were like, I don't know what I want to do. I was like, Wow, to have that freedom, to be able to figure it out. I actually felt that that was more freeing than knowing exactly what I wanted to do, because I was like, the pressure is on and the clock is ticking, it's we got to go. And now, looking back, I would be like, that's insane. I would tell people you can reinvent yourself a billion times through your life, right of course, But yeah, no, I knew I was a very driven kid.
I'm obsessed.
Now it turned out I need an.
Actual copy of that photo I want to make, Okay, so obviously Rosie O'Donnell is one answer to this question. But who else from the comedy world inspired you when you were growing up.
I was a.
Huge Lucille Ball fan because I'm very big in a physical comedy, so watching her that was like, I mean, she was the idol.
But for the reason I got understand up was Joan Rivers.
Joan was just saying things back in the day that women did not have. You know, I don't want to say the balls to say I didn't have, uh, you know, the the tits to say, like, she just knew what she was doing. And when I was starting out and stand up in New York, I would follow her all the time and go see your shows. And I got to meet her outside of a show one night and I was like, miss Rivers, I just want you to know I'm such a fan. You're the reason why I got into comedy. And she was like, I have a good feeling about you. You're gonna You're gonna make it. Years later, I moved to La I'm sitting at a bar one night at Doms, you know, the sister restaurant to Little Doms, but it was work clothes and I'm sitting in there at the bars and I hear her walk in. I was like, I know that voice. So I go over to her table and I'm like, hey, miss Rivers, I just want you to know I took your advice. I moved to LA because she told me to move to Lay. She's like, you have a very commercial look. You need to be doing television. You need to move.
So I went to LA and I said, I took your advice. Like, thank you.
Here, I am doing the thing. She's like, I'm telling you, I have a really good feeling about you. You're gonna make it. And I swear to god, I got in my car.
I called my dad.
I was sitting in the valet at this restaurant. I was like, Joan, gave me your blessing. She died like nine months later, no, h huh, huh huh wow. And I got to meet her daughter, Melissa about a year ago, and I told Melissa, I was like, you don't understand, like your mom meant everything to me and was such a guiding light in the stand up world for me. So I'm just so grateful to her.
That was so special. Yeah, I mean an icon.
Truly, Who did you follow growing up? Because I mean, you've been doing this forever though.
I mean kind of. I you know, I wanted to be a doctor. I thought I was going to be a heart surgeon. That was my plan. And then I had an arts requirement because I went to this great, I mean amazing school in Pasadena, and I was like, I don't want to do this. You know, they gave us these two years of arts requirements. In every semester you had to do something different, and I thought I was going to game the system by putting off the theater requirement until the same semester I was supposed to play volleyball. And they were like, you did this to yourself, Like you are at school to learn how to be a functioning adult, and you chose to delay this. And if you've done it last semester, you could have done a play and done a sport, but now you're going to have to miss your sport to do this. And I was like, what such a lesson about you know, personal accountability? Really early and then I did this play and I was like, wait, I love this. It's not all by the way, no shade. I love musical theater, but I'm also just like not a musical theater kid. I was like, wait, theater isn't the sound of music. You can, like, you can do these really topical, intense or comedic things where you don't have to sing on stage what And it changed my whole life. I was like, well, but my favorite subject has always been English and this is basically just a book that's alive. Yeah, and so it really shifted the whole thing for me. And then when I told my parents that I wasn't going to go to medical school, I wanted to go get a BFA in theater. You can imagine how well that went over.
I'm sure assholes were clenched. It's like at that moment they're like, Mom, Dad, I'm a thespian and the parents are like just gravely disappointed.
Yeah.
Well, and my dad, ironically enough, you know, for his whole career, was a really wonderful photographer, which is also why I think I ride so hard for the crew, because I'm like, I'd come from a crew family, even though my dad's like crew job was deeply cool. And one of the people he photographed for the longest run over his forty plus years career was John Rivers. Wow, yeah, he must have like they were tighter her yeah, like John, you know, she'd have something to do in New York and be like, absolutely not. You got to fly Charles Bush out here from LA. I'm not shooting with anybody here. She she had a point where she was like, nobody knows how to light me, bring my guy, and like it would. They had a very sweet friend.
Wait if he still has any prints, I'm going to ask them because.
I already wrote down a note.
I'm like, oh, I'm redoing a office in my house right now, and that's what I need.
And I was stuck Getty Images.
I was like, I need a blown up rent like an iconic photo of Joan in this Yes, my office.
Wow, what a cool gig.
So cool, so so cool. And yeah. I remember years later when I was working on TV, my parents finally were like, so crazy that you're doing this. When you first told us you were going to go to theater school, I was like, I know, you freaked out and my dad was like, no, you don't understand. Like the level of meltdown was so intense. He goes, and your mom looked at me and goes, this is your fault. You turned your fucking hobby into your career and now shaving.
She can do it too. My dad used to have the same argument with my mom.
He's like, you always want to be Barbarer streis saying, and it didn't work out. So I pushed it on Heather and my dad would write letters to my sorority house. I do all miss like the top ten reasons why he thinks I should pivot and go into the Air Force. And it was like number one got number two, you come from a long line of eighty eight ors number three like you look great at the uniform. And I realize, like, I'm not a parent, but I realized now, as you know, I watch my parents, I'm like, oh, parents just parented out of fear.
Like they were just constantly trying, like, you know, we just want to.
Make sure that you don't fuck it up because we at some point probably fucked our shit up. So I was always like, Dad, don't worry about me. Don't worry. I am going to figure it out. And it's been very bittersweet to have the success that I've had because my dad hasn't been here to see it. I lost my answer about ten years ago and everything started to click after it passed and I had wonderful relationship with my dad, even though he was always like please get in Dell Estate, like.
Don't go into the show. So it's been like it's tough.
I'd have all these iconic moments and like on tour, like playing Radio City, and I'm like, damn it, I wish the one person who's here to see it isn't here. But I have to just know that he's always me. There's always a probably my dad.
Oh gosh, yeah that I can. I can just feel that bittersweet thing because it is the it's the best, and oh how cool it would be for him to be able to see it.
Yeah. I imagine if my dad was alive, he would be running security. He'd be selling merch like he would be doing all about oh yeah, eating it up, taking photos of ladies outside the theater.
Your dad running the merch table is like all that feels right to me. And my bones. I want my bones too, right in like in the next universe over I believe that it's happening. Yeah, oh my goodness. Well is that part of why you feel because I've heard you talk about how you feel like a late bloomer in your career because things really blew up, you know, after you turned thirty. Do you think that the the that sort of time feels particular for you too because of that loss? Because I think when you go through something like you know, losing a parent who you're so close to, or you know, someone who is your person, it's like there is a before and an after. It's such a marker of time. And because he hasn't been here to see some of this stuff, do you think that influence is that feeling?
Oh yeah, I mean my twenties were the years where I was in New York and la hustling, grinding, doing the thing one woman shows, do an improv, doing stand up, all that, and then you know, I lost my dad caught like two years before I was thirty. And then I get into my thirties and then they listen, my point of view in my perspective just totally changed. My comedy was richer because I had, you know, comedy and tragedy. I'd gone through something so horrifically tragic to then just have a different point of view in perspective and.
Just in life richer way.
And I say, now like I have felt the worst feeling you can ever feel, So now when things are good, they feel even bigger and better. I don't know, it's an adulum of joy and sadness swings so wildly one way or the other, and so I feel like I appreciate shit a lot more. Yes, you know, I always say, like other people who've been through something traumatic like that, like losing a loved one far too young.
We always find each other. We just all have a different perspective.
And some days can be a little frustrating being around other folks who haven't experienced that. And that's not to their fault, like good for everybody still as their their core family around, but there are moments where I'm like, oh, just if you've been through it, you get it. You know, it's a different communication with other people, I think.
And now a word from our sponsors who make this show possible. I have not lost my parents, for which I'm very grateful, but me and my whole community lost someone that was so important to us. I mean, it just it rocked us all so intensely, and I think the thing the biggest shift that it did for me, and I wonder if you feel this. I always used to repeat that cliche, and like cliches are so fucking annoying, But they're cliches because they're so true, right, Like that's why everyone says them. Everyone always is like, ah, life's too short. Life's too short to not try the thing, Life's too short to not be in lovela la. And when I went through that sort of grief, what I realized is life is too short, but life is also way too fucking long, because when you have to live without someone, I think you understand how blessed you are to be alive, but also how long life is going to be if you're lucky. And it really there was something about it that, rather than kind of rolling my eyes anytime somebody was, you know, going through their personal version of life is too short, like, it almost gave me a freedom back because there have been times since then that I have looked around and gone, life may be too short, but it's I'm still on this earth, and it is way too fucking long to be this unhappy, because if I died tomorrow, I wouldn't want to be stuck in this shitty job with this person who hits women, or stuck in this shitty relationship you know where I'm walking on eggshells in my own house like it don't. I can't explain it. It gave me this tenacity to like try my hardest and get to the end of the road. But if that road was a dead end, I'm turning around because I'm reclaiming my time.
I fully hear this, and I think, especially as women we.
In our age group too, we.
Have to get so focused on doing the one thing and checking all these things off a list. And I have so many girlfriends who are in their early forties late thirties right now, who are pivoting in a wild direction, and I'm like, do it. Who gives a shit? Okay, you got the degree in XYZ. You're miserable.
Life is to go.
And so I'm like, you know, I talk about being a late bloomer in my career, but I'm like, fine, if tomorrow I had to do real estate, I would do real estate and I would like figure it out, you know, or whatever it is. It's life is too short and too long to be miserable. Yes, one thing with grief too. And you'll notice this.
People say, oh, you know, it gets easier to time.
I actually think you get so much harder with time, because now I sit back in my grief, and I'm like, oh, now I haven't heard my dad's.
Voice in ten years.
I think the further you get away from it, yeah, you're a little bit more numb to it. But then you're like, oh god, that just grips me in a different way. It's like a it sits heavier on my chest because I realize how far away I'm from those those memories and experiences with my dad.
I had a woman one day.
She meant well, but she dm me and I put something up for my dad's birthday and she was like, I wish you would put, like, you know, more photos up of your dad. And I just responded to her. I said, hey, girl, I don't have any more photos of my dad, Like these are all the memories I have. Those memories are done, like I only have so many photos and then I've shown you them all and then they're done. And she was like, oh shit, I didn't even think about that. I'm like, yes, like like those memories, we're not making new memories, sweetheart. What do you want that's on spring break that.
Hasn't happened in nine years?
You know?
Yeah, so also too.
Dealing with that. Have to just know that people will say the most ignorant shit. A lot of folks reach out to me, they're like, hey, I just lost a loved one. You know what do I how do I navigate it? And I say, give yourself grace, give other people grace, because they're going to say stupid shit to you because they're just ignorant. They haven't been through it. But if anybody says at any point at the funeral, years down the road or whatever, they're in a better place for everything happens for a reason, no, tell them to go themselves and like, and this is done. And then you never speak to that person again.
Yeah, like you have to. I can't. I can't deal with this shit.
No, we just no, thank you. Some things are just a tragedy and that's okay.
Yeah, and that's okay, that's okay.
Well, and you said something about how you know you feel like grief has sort of expanded your capacity for joy and it I will never forget in my in my twenties, it was a book I read in college that's like, I mean ancient. I think for fourteen hundred and fifteen hundreds era is considered ancient, right, poet, Yeah, for sure, Khalil Gibron, who wrote like this amazing kind of meditation on life, and I'm going to paraphrase because you know, I don't have fourteenth century poetry memorized, but he essentially says in this one chapter of the book that your capacity for joy is as large as you are carved out by sorrow, and like you said, the pendulum, and it's like it is. It's so emotional, but it's also kind of science, right, every action has an equal in opposing reaction, and there's something kind of profound to me about that where you're like, oh, it's like the most raw thing I feel in my heart and like what is a heart? What is a soul? And then on this other side there's this science to it and they meet somehow, and yes, I'm perhaps I'm more capable of holding more things because of this, and I don't know, it's like that to me, is is the silver lining. That's what I think people are trying to get at when they say dumb shit, like everything happens for a reason, and you're like, that's not the thing to say. The other the thing to say maybe is just I'm so sorry for this tragedy. And also I'm so glad you got to laugh with that person for as many years as you did.
Amen.
That's a great way to put it. I also feel that, you know, I'm lucky. I had twenty seven amazing years with an amazing daddy. My girlfriends still have, you know, troubled or strained relationships with their fathers. Yeah, And I don't try and push it on them, like you have to fix that because they're you know, everybody's going through their own shit.
But I do.
I have to be glass that full and say I had twenty seven great years with the greatest man ever.
So like I feel richly blessed in that sense. And I am a.
Wildly naturally joyful person. And even when I went through this, I'm like, what can I do. I can either let this cripple me and destroy me, and I can be mad at the world and I never get through this. Or I can pivot and turn this anger and sadness and somehow bring it back to joy and then live my life. That's what my dad would want, That's what I think everybody's loved ones would want. Yeah, I can't. He would be like, get your ass up, go do something, Go make someone laugh.
Like, well, that was for yourself.
Exactly right, and him him loving your comedy, I'm sure was also such a reminder like he he would be upset if you had given that up in your sadness. And I think it's so special and like even the way you talk about him, I wonder if you know this great relationship you got to have with your dad, Like, do you feel like that influenced the way you fell for your husband? Do you feel like you guys have such a solid relationship because you had a solid relationship modeled for you. Oh.
Yes, And my dad was such a he loved he loved, loved being a girl dad.
And you can still have a sense of confidence.
I think in my sister and I I mean, I joked I was an overly confident kid because my dad was like, you can do anything.
You're a McMahon, you can do anything. You would always say that. And when I met my husband, it was one like they kind of look alike. So I'm sure there's some thing there.
But yes, my my husband reminds me so much of my dad in a great way. And when my husband and my dad met, which I feel very grateful that they had a beautiful relationship before my dad passed. But I just remember being like they were like two peas in a pod. And my husband and I were living in New York at the time, and he would come down and my dad would like steal him. He's like, well, Jeff and I are going to go do guy stuff all day, like they were best buts and so me them have a mutual respect for each other. Was also just like I knew I found the right one. And when my dad got sick, he died very quickly. From the day of diagnosis to the day of dad that was one week, so he was very and unfortunately he passed the pancreatic cancer. But we flew him to M d Anderson in Houston to get like, you know, the best care, and I feel very grateful to.
Them that they did everything they could.
I flew down and immediately asked my dad for his hand and ever my hand in marriage.
It was very sweet.
So like, you know, I feel blessed that they had that moment together.
You know, that's so special.
He is my father down to Like.
If they both didn't have a Lumberjack breakfast like full bacon egg, then like the day could not start, you know, oh my god, the drama.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
But my husband's great too because he allows me to holy be myself. He is like, go, go be as ridiculous on stage as you want, just be you. He's never once told me to like tone it down, you know, to volume a little lower. He's like, keep going, And that's why I know I married the right person.
That's amazing. And you know what, it really does take a person who has a healthy relationship to their own ego to not say, hey, maybe don't share this. Yeah, maybe don't tell the world about this part of our relationship, or or make this a joke that amps up this fight we had or whatever. It's like, he has to be very emotionally healthy to be like, oh, yeah, go make fun of me and everyone. You know.
I'll tell you what.
As I've gotten older too, I could give a shit where you got a college degree. What you do for a living. Emotional in diligence to me is the biggest turn on everything. It makes me horny. I'm like, you can sit down, have an adult conversation. We can like you know, it doesn't even have to be dramatic, but we can talk about our feelings and like we can agree to disagree, but be adults about this.
I'm let's do it. I mean, and you know, there are aspects in comedy.
There there are things where I'll be like, hey, are you cool if I talk about this or whatever, and we have a conversation about it. But he is just so secure in himself. He's like, Yeah, somebody's gonna relate to it. It's gonna make someone laugh, it'll make someone think, surely someone's going through the same situation. So very open and supportive of me going out there, and you know, sometimes ripping him a new asshole for.
The sake of the most buddies of you.
When I was on a press tour for my last special that came out, and the specials called Breadwinner, and there.
Was a whole like I was just gonna ask you about.
This, Yes, the whole arc about it about how I make more money than him a man. Every single interview they were like, how does Jeff feel about this? How does your husband feel about you talking about this? And I'm like, every male comedian since the dawn of time has been doing this and you don't ask how their wives feel about this shit, how they're about them making fun of them on stage. Why is it all of a sudden, like you know, you're peppering me about it. So I finally was just like, Jeff, Fine, he's playing golf right now.
You know he didn't give a shit.
Yeah, You're like, they're like, Jeff, Jeff is this generation's kept woman and he likes it. Yeah, because he still gets to benefit from being a man.
Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Something I think is so cool about you guys is that you met before your career totally blew up. You know, the specials and the tours and the things. What is that like for you? You know? I guess I ask this, I'll be really vulnerable and say why, because I've once or twice or a handful of times in my life been like, oh, this person who has said the right things is drawn to the wrong things. Ah. I've sort of had the bamboozol moment, and you know, we live, we learned. It's what therapy's for. But I find it really at this stage in my life being able to look back in that you know, twenty twenty hindsight vision, YadA, YadA. I'm like, damn, I had no idea what I was in for when the show I started at twenty one, blew up, you know, and we were removed, which you know, gave us our own set of like high school round two ridiculousness. But I've never, like I've never in my whole adult life. I've not since high school or I guess college gone on quote unquote anonymous date. Yeah, and so like, I don't know. I love y'all's relationship, and I can feel how good it is, and I wonder what's it like for you to have had him before this, what's it like for him to navigate the changes? And how do you do that together? How do you sit down and say, all right, we're going to talk it out and we're going to be great because we love each other, and sometimes we'll disagree, Like how does this whole thing work when you've been on this roller coaster ride together.
I feel very grateful that I did meet Jeff when I did, which was you know, we were twenty three years old or in the early days living in New York, because he was always my champion and even when you know, it's interesting we started dating I'm living in New York for like a year and a half, and then I told him I sat him down one day and I said, hey, I got to move to la because Joe Rivers told me to move del like trying Italian restaurant on the Upper East Side. He's like, I knew this is gonna happen, but at no point, like we never broke up. He was like, go full forward, go ahead, my child, Like he said, I don't ever want to get in the way of your dreams and for you to resent me down the line. So even though we were long distance for a long time, we just kept supporting each other. I kept supporting him business, and again we did not know what when lightning was going to strike, but I never once questioned his support on what I wanted to do.
And I'll tell you what.
There were moments a couple of his friends sat him down and we're like, hey, how long are you gonna support Heather kind of chasing this comedy dream like it's it hasn't worked out yet, Like really, like are you when are you gonna have the honest conversation with her that maybe she needs to pivot? And sure enough, like nine months later, everything took off. And he told me that two years later and he's like, I never told you this, but I want you to know. I told him to all like fuck off. He's like, no, that's my girl. She's gonna be fine.
I feel grateful that Jeff. Really we were always each other. There's champion.
And I used to make a joke when I would be doing comedy shows in a basement somewhere in like Queen's.
You know, there's like four people in the audience.
My husband would be there in a suit from his like corporate gig, and he'd be on the front row, and everybody thought he was my manager. And then they were like, wow, your manager is so dialed in.
On your career. I'm like, no, I blow that guy.
Don't it is?
You know, it's been interesting now because when through comedies, especially, I share so much of my relationship and listen.
A lot of jokes.
But there are moments where people will say certain things to him or I know, he didn't sign up for his life to be in a microscope, but there's so much bullshit out there that there are days where he's like, oh, don't go on Reddit. This is the dumbishit I've ever heard, or don't oh, don't read that DM, and you're like, guys, this is comedy.
Everybody piped down.
You know, there are moments where we're just have to both have to drown out the noise.
But yeah, he's my buddy. Bit we're right or die together.
I love it.
God forbidding where to get hit by a bus tomorrow, I'm done, Like, I'm good, Yeah, I'm good.
I'll get it totally. Well more French bulldogs. Live on a commune with my girlfriends and all their kids, and I'm.
Going, yeah, yeah, yeah, You're like, no, I've got the one. Thank you. I love that. I think that's so special. And now a word from our sponsors. Girl, I get it, and I'm thank you even for saying it, because sometimes when you're in this crazy, zany world, I think you can forget that other people are dealing with the craziest, zaniest parts of it. And yeah, there are just days that I'm like, oh, I can't go on the internet today, like this is kooky. A friend sent me something recently and was like, this is so fucking dumb, you know, and it's like from some gossip site blah blah, And I was like, first of all, why are you looking? And second of all, I'm going to say this with all the love I can muster, why the fuck would you send this to me? Because I'm like, I don't want to see it. I can go about my day and not see this dumb shit. And the funniest part was to me that like, there was all this speculation honestly just about a dumb inside joke a friend made to me, because sometimes if you don't laugh about something, you know at the time you'll cry. And I so badly wanted to clap back at this person and be like, tell me you don't have a sense of humor without saying I don't have a single cell in my body capable of humor. And then I was like, what's the fucking point. I'm not even going to bother engaging. But it's like, it is so weird when you're just outliving your life and people make a story out of everything that's actually it's it's their story, it's not yours, it has nothing to do with you.
Reddit it's wild and you're like, wait, what I mean, it's like cuckoo their hands. I'm like, guys, I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted.
I don't know how y'all came up with these theories that, yeah, wearing a blue sweater for three days in a row and therefore like durable disease.
I'm like, what is happening?
Yeah, I was getting bullied for a minute. Somebody was like, your eyelash extensions are horrible. And then finally one day I was like, oh god, they are they are.
You're like, you know what, you know, you could have said it a little differently, but you did me as solid. Redditors noted thank you.
Yeah. Yeah.
But for the most part, because I do comedy, people are like, you're my buddy. And that's what's fun is being able to talk about things that I know gals are having private conversations with with their girlfriends, and then being able to explain it on stage and to have that moment where people in the audience like, oh, fuck, that's what that's what we've been feeling. That's exactly it's the community feels really good, and that's when you know you're in the pocket. I'm like, you have thought exactly what I'm feeling and saying right now, And I like people to leave my show being like, oh shit, never never thought of it like that, or or that was right on the money.
That feels very good.
Okay, So how do you think about that? Because I think from the outside, you know, I watch a special or I come to a show and it's all I mean, it's tight, you've got a tight sixty or a tight ninety. But building to that and knowing when you leave a show having a hunch based on audience reaction, what they're going to walk out thinking about, how do you do? To me? It feels like a great big math problem essentially, like doing a special, how do you do the math and figure out I want to talk about this. I want to hit this topic, but I want to do it in a way that'll make them think, maybe not make them mad, Like what's the recipe for you this far?
In?
It's trial and error too.
I mean, when you're working a tour, I go out and, like some people like to work, run five minutes, and run ten minutes and fifteen, and then they build to the hour.
I'm a sociopath.
I like to go out on the road with what I'm gonna guess is probably ninety minutes, and then I scale back from there and I'll start a tour and you know, be running all this shitting clubs. But I like to run the full hour and then I'll go and separate those little bits and then run it like that, which is not it's insane, but I think because I'm an old theater kid, I only know how to work in like full you do the.
Play, I do the play, I go, I.
Got It feels scary, but I know.
Then I scale back.
But you know, running stuff in clubs is the best because I'm just out there and I'm all right, that did not work, and you just say it out loud.
Nope, yep, that worked. Then I scale back from there.
But like for my first special, it was called Son I Never Had, so I knew that the whole idea was going to be about my relationship with my dad as a kid, explaining who I was. This was the first special for people to like understand who I was out the gate if you were going on Netflix and your like, who is this person? And I wanted to explain my relationship with my dad, the humor behind how we passed, and that was kind of like my first.
Little tea up for folks.
And then the special bread Winner was all about this like, okay, now I've made it this over the top Italian wedding that I had this thirty day honeymoon. How they got into my head, all these things that happened, and I wanted it women to walk away and feel like, oh shit, we're feeling this too. And the next hour that I'm working on, I'm talking a lot more about politics, which I had never touched on before, and I'm just talking about that, like, you know, that feeling as a Southern woman. We're all sitting in this weird world and trying to justify things in our brain and have hard conversations with our girlfriends and while also going out there and you know, like trying to make sure our extensions aren't falling out and our tits are.
To our that's where we're you know, you know what, we can do it all.
We can do it all.
We can do it all, honey. That particularly, I think when you have something to say about politics, it's like people suddenly think you're no fun. Yeah, they think it's your whole personality. And I'm like, ye'ah, I'm wild, I'm so fun. But I will absolutely, you know, take Mitch McConnell to task over his trash policy. And I really do believe. I think, especially when you are an entertainer, a performer. It's because you love people. You love people and their stories. You love being able to represent people. You love being able to gather people. You love being able to help people feel seen. And so when people are like, why are all you actors so fucking political, I'm like, because we have to be, because our whole job is to love people and tell their stories. How can I look at what's happening to people in the world and be silent?
And also, like, my job as a comedian is to take the things that are going on in the world, observe them, and either help us work.
Through it, giggle about it, or go what the look? That is my entire job.
Yes, yes, and you know I've been doing this new bid about how like a lot of Maga moms couldn't believe that I didn't vote for Trump because on paper I look like the typical maga mom blonde.
Hair extensions, you know, from the South.
Went to the University of Mississippi, and they had felt betrayed, And I was like, whoa, what has happened here that I was not clearly speaking up up enough for y'all to think that I was voted for Trump. But the reception is great, because I mean, you got again as a pendulum swing, so you got to make fun of both sides.
Yeah, I say that.
There are moments where I'm like, God, because I live in Georgia, am I gonna have to cage fight Marjorie Taylor Green?
I may have to at some point, for.
You might have to. We might have to. She you know, she was being insane the other day and I posted something about it, and somebody goes, well, if you have this kind of heat for her, where's your heat for Jasmine Crockett? And I that, honey, Jasmine's just matching their volume. And she went yeah, and I was like, we're I'm I in the year twenty twenty five. Am done going high? I did it for a long time. I grew up in the young Michelle Obama school of politics. That was my jam. And you know what now, I'm like, bitch, you want to go low, meet me in the gutter. I've come from a long line of Italians in New Jersey. Meet me in the gutter. Let's go.
I feel the exact same way. And that's, you know, my job in comedy. I'm like, I'm talking about the things that again, all these girls are talking about other their country clubs. So they're talking about, you know, at the PTA meeting whatever. I know, I'm going to make you sit and have a and think about it in a different way because we have to like, why are we not as women having these conversations.
No, we have to, Oh, this is why we really need to do our show.
We need to do our show.
We have to do a show.
We've got to. Let's do it. We'll get okay for.
The friends at home. Sometime times I forget that people listen to this and I'm like, oh good, we're just having like a glass of wine on zoom and we don't have wine currently listeners, but I wish we did. It's a little too early, but you know, next time I am talking about how it was. I think two years ago at the big Elton John Aids Foundation fundraiser that coincides with the Oscars, we'd had a couple of tequilas and decided we were going to do a TV show together, and we got to figure out what.
It is we with it.
We have no idea what the show is, but we were like, oh, we want to go to work together every day.
This would be fun and my favorite thing is figuring out that creative And I think because I write stand up, I love the pitch like your old school actress where you go in and probably crush an audition.
I am so bad at audition.
I can let me do the sales of it, let me go in and razzle dazzle the network, and then just show up on set.
But don't make me audition.
Auditions are also so weird because your whole job as an actor is to make a space and a relationship feel like yours, and then you do an audition like this in front of a fucking sheet with no human and someone who the whole time they're reading with you god bless the casting director, but like they're reading on the paper, and you're like, but the whole way I do my job is to connect with someone and we have a beat and we have a little high moment and then we both giggle, and none of that can happen in an audition.
No, And I have this theory that I swear by that all of my self tapes that I and I'm always reading with like my husband or my mom and my basement, I'm like, these never got to the casting director. They never got to the producers. They are sitting in a vault somewhere and at my funeral, it will be like like a.
Cruel, practical joke. These auditions.
That's your episode of punk. Yeah.
Like that sweet sweet girl she thought she was auditioning.
That sweet girl from Mississippi.
That's sweet Southern Bale.
She thought she was auditioning, but really we were just pulling one big prank on her.
And I'm like, God, why am I not?
Oh my god, jobs, You're like, what the fuck is going on here?
Yes?
I love that. Okay, I have this question for you because we don't know what our show is going to be, but I do think about things I want to watch you do, which is you know, fun for me as a fan and a friend.
I love this.
What award show would you want to host if you could? Because I think you need to host an award show?
Well, I am a TV nerd, so I would love to do the Emmys. Ooh okay, yeah, I mean Nikki did an incredible job at the Globe.
She was so good.
Conan was phenomenal at the Oscars. He's coming back. But I think the Emmys would be really really fun.
Oh and Chelsea crushes what did she do the sad Yes critics Choice critics Choice, Yes. I think doing the Emmys would be insane. Really Okay, I've been, you know, doing some of the red carpet stuff allah Joan Rivers, but I'm really only getting my footing there because it's it's that is actually out of performing ninety minutes of memory, I stand up being you know, doing sales pitches whatever. The podcasting. Doing the Red Carpet is the hardest gig I have ever had.
It is so scary to me thinking about that.
You have a producer in your ear, you're doing quick changes live on air, you have cards, their publicists are saying don't ask them about this, or ask them about this, or make sure you hit this note. And you have thirty seconds to talk to Arianna Grande, who's just like floating through the air because she's such an angel, and you're like, what is happening? Yeah, a gnarly gig. People don't realize how hard doing live hosting is.
I yeah, I don't know how you do it. I'm endlessly impressed. This is kind of my world. I like to cozy and have a deep talk and giggle and you know, get into stuff. The quickness of a carpet interview, like it stresses me out having to answer the questions. If I had to ask them and do this in short form, I actually think I'd have a panic attack.
I get I only done a you know, award season for like two years now, and every time we wrap and it's like and the you know, the Emmys are live on NBC and I hear that and they're like, can you collapse?
I literally hit the deck.
And half the time I'm wearing a pair of birkin stocks because I'm taller than every guy in.
Hollywood, so I have to like amazing, you know, they're oadstanding on an apple box and I'm like down on the ground and I'm just like, somebody get me a glass of white wine. I can't.
That was the wildest three hours. And yeah, it's it's an adrenaline rush. It is really wild. Yeah, I kind of find my flooding there with being more funny and being myself. But you're also like, okay, I've got to hit I gotta hit the notes, you know.
Yeah, so it's a time. Oh my god, I'm blessed. Let's manifest the Emmys. I think you need to do another drawing.
Yeah, you know, like event.
And now now I will say so in my office and you can't see all them. I have all my vision boards up.
Is that what those are?
Yeah?
So back here is like a vision board and I have them all around on the other sides of my office.
It is really wild.
I started vision boarding back in twenty eighteen, and I did it one day. I was hungover. It was New Year's Day. I saw somebody do it on Instagram.
My husband was watching football.
I was like, I'm going to take a gummy and I'm going to make some vision boards because I'm visual and I like to scrap book and doodle.
You know.
A couple of years later everything started to pop off. So now I've made the early thing where I make these vision boards and it's not you know. All I do is I basically have this conversation with myself. What do I want? What do I want the future to look like? What am I asking of myself? What am I asking the universe to connect for me? And it is wild, like the things that have come true by making these vision boards.
Wait, I love that. Can I come over and make one with you?
Yes?
Absolutely, I'm so into this.
I'm doing a.
Comedy cruise here in two weeks where I'm taking a bunch of fans on an Origin cruise ship and we're doing a vision board party. I'm like, what I'm telling you, if you write it down, will come true. No.
My friend Skuy says this all the time. We did a show together a couple of years ago and I was planning something on Pinterest and the thing I planned looked exactly like the Pinterest board, but better. And she was like, do you not understand when you're helping a friend design a house on Pinterest, or you're doing these mood boards that you make for characters you're vision boarding. She was like, look at how powerful you are at manifesting. You actually have to start applying that to you and what you want, not just to what you're helping create out in the world. And I was like, oh my god. And I'm I'm so inspired by her, and I'm also like a little scared, so I want to try, No, do it.
There's nothing to be scared about.
I mean you, to me, it's a conversation with your inner self saying what do I expect from myself in this life?
It's not just about putting fancy.
Cars and big houses, and you know, I went up not go do this, but man, dammit, I've I've had things check off the vision board down like throw pillows on a couch where I'm like, oh shit, I have those chairs, I have that lamp, Like what is this?
That is so funny?
But I really it's all also too, I think because when I was a little kid, you know, back to the book that I wrote in the fourth grade or the story that I was saying, I always saw a vision of what exactly I wanted things to look like and what I want.
And so it's always been that.
Kind of quiet voice inside of myself that's like, no, you know what path you want to be on, you know what you want, you know what you're expecting of your life. I love that, and I have a visual reminder. I look up at the wall and I'm like, oh, yeah, no, you know what. I need to get back to that because that's something that I put down as a goal for myself.
Yes, that's really that feels powerful.
Is powerful, you know.
And now a word from our wonderful sponsors. It's interesting too to think about that drawing you showed me at the top of the hour. You know, you standing on a stage in front of an audience. It's it's what you do. I mean, you're on tour right now. You're on your bamboozled tour.
On the bamboozled tour. Yeh.
By the way, that's probably why I said that word earlier. It's like, in my subconscious, what is this tour about for our friends at home? And then I just really want to know what your favorite part of touring is this tour is about?
Oh god, what is it about? It's about everything. Oh, there's a lot in that.
I'm like, we got a hair flip.
She's thinking, it's about how one I'm constantly bamboozling myself. As women, we have a lot of outside noise that we end up getting bamboozled about. The dream is a bamboozlement. The expectations on us are a bamboozlement. And I just find a really ridiculous way of connecting how we have also done this to ourselves. And my favorite part of touring, honestly, stand up is so fun because you know, in this business, we developed which we are going to develop our show, but we dive bos. You have to wait for so many yeses, and you hear so many news stand up is immediate. I get up on stage no in ten seconds, whether they like it or they don't.
And I love that check of let's go.
And when you get that energy from a live audience, there is nothing better. Like I always said, I want to do multi cams because I you know, I'm a theater kid. I want that live audience. I want that immediate reaction. It feels so good to.
Yeah, oh, I would love that.
And be with my friends is great. I've got a great grew around me and we just have fun. And like to say that I've seen America, I've toured in Australia. Like to go to places, touch people's hands and be like, you know, thank you for being here. There's just the human connection is incredible.
It really love that.
I love that. And then what was the impetus behind the podcast? Because absolutely not. It is comedy in a way, but it's also a place I think where you get to be your whole self, if not just your performer self. What led you to starting that and why in the world did you start a podcast while you're also on a tour. Do you just love to torture yourself.
I really do listen. My entire team is like, shall we put too much on our plate? And again I bamboozled myself. The podcast I started years ago because I wanted to have this like call to action. Okay, people could call in and then I would give them like horrific unsolicited life advice. I listen to some other podcasts where they're actually like trying to fix people's problems.
I'm like, no, if you call in, I'm going to give you a sarcastic response, Oh my god. Love. And then it's also.
I mean, my therapist would say, like, again, you're over sharing too much on your podcast.
But it is just a it's almost like a brain dump for me.
Every week I hear what other people are going through, I brain dump what I'm going through, and it's just such a part of my week where I'm giggling to myself.
I'm my hour straight at just.
The insanity of humanity of yeah us just trying to get through each day and so much joy. But am I doing a lot? Yes, Yes, I am doing a lot. I am doing a lot right now.
Yeah.
Yeah, I want to come and give bad advice on your podcast. That feels so fun.
Love to have you, I please on the podcast we would love Oh I love that.
Years ago, I did Anna Faris' podcast and we got a really sweet question from someone and yeah, we were trying to like give great advice. But I also think purposefully giving ridiculous advice feels fun.
Yeah.
I mean, listen, sometimes there are a lighthearted moment or like tender moments and I've cried so yeah on this podcast by myself, where I listen back and I'm like.
Oh my god, what did I have a breakdown?
Less?
But you know, it's all about human connection and the fact totally believe and trust me with their stories.
It's funny, though. I do tell the girl is all the time.
I'm like, hey, y'all, if you have done something illegal, do not call into the podcast when you're drunk and then let us know. Oh because I will delete it. But quit telling me where the bodies are buried.
Yeah, yeah, you got to protect yourselves a little bit. Ladies.
Yeah, okay, well you are.
So known, I mean not just on the show, everywhere for your for your hot takes. What's your hottest take this week?
What do you got? What's my hottest take?
Well, listen, My hottest take this week is the world on fire and we are just trying to keep our head above water. So every day, my hottest take is protect your mental well being, because if you consume shit all day long, it will make you nuts. And we still have to live each day to the fullest because again, like you said earlier, life is short, but it's also very long. So yeah, the best you can with the people around you and take care of the bele that you love. We're not going to fix everything tomorrow. But I've had moments where I will consume so much and it will make me spiral and it will be crazy, and I'll watch something backstage and then I'm like, Okay, now i gotta go back on stage and make everybody feel positive and giggle. And I have to take moments where I'm like, I got to tune it out for a minute, you know.
Yeah, everybody's got to take your their mental health.
Yeah, I'm I'm learning to do the same. And i feel like I've also finally hit a point where I'm like, I'm guys, admittedly, I'm not an expert at everything. No one is.
I am not.
I am no longer willing to feel pressured into having a take if I'm like, this is not my job. It's just not my job. I'm going to do the best I can, and there will be mental health breaks and there will be days when I don't do this. And even for me, something I've tried to do consciously lately is I do the you know, the signal boosting, the news sharing that do you know about this? Call your senators about that, this bill is up? This is really important. I'm sharing all that stuff more like a broadcaster. I'm sharing it in my stories every day, so it's timely. But I'm really trying to keep what I put it up on a grid happy.
Yeah, because I.
Feel like we need it. And for me, beginning to separate and balance my life, sharing is going to be my life and the news shit, I'm going to share like the news it's on and if you miss it, go find it somewhere else.
Yeah, And that's how I feel too as a comic, like I have to we have to talk about these uncomfortable conversations and I want you to leave laughing, and also like it makes you think, you know, it's even in comedy, it's topical, and you have to keep moving and things are changing rapidly every day. But there are moments where I'm just like, all right, we're going to say it, we're gonna giggle, we're gonna pull it apart, we're going to figure it out, and then we're going to put it to bed and we have to walk away and just be like, we're gonna make it, We're.
Gonna be okay exactly, We're all gonna go nuts.
Yeah. Well, and I think balance in general, like that's something I'm really working on. I'm really working on understanding that I have an irrational sense of time. I really think I can get way more done in a day than as humanly possible. So I'm working on bringing down my bamboozling of myself that I'm trying to bring down the volume on the daily to do list so that I can actually be better at the things I'm doing.
I love that one of the things on my vision board was like it says less stressed, RESTful, and what does it say, Oh, replenished. Because I realized love a replenished, love a replenish I would burn myself out so bad and say yes to everything, and then one shitty friend, I'm a shitty wife, I'm in a bad mood when I come home, and I was like, what are we doing here if I don't actually start physically taking care of myself saying yes, and you know, yeah, some people may call me a grandma some days because I can't go out and do all the things I used to do, But I'm like, I would.
Well take care of myself.
So then when we spend my love language's quality time, I want to be in a good mood and be there for you and not be just a burnt out bitch all the time.
Yes, yeah, I don't want to sit at dinner feeling like a shell of a human. Yes, is that do you think that recalibration? Would you say that right now? That's your work in progress?
Or is this someone I sent my work in progress?
And then, you know, I feel we are all obviously in this rat race of this industry and things are changing. And you know I said or you mentioned earlier like oh I was a late bloomer.
Well I'm still.
I turned thirty eighth this year, and there's things that I have to get done before I can have a family and I can do all these things. So it's finding these moments where it's like it's all going to happen. Take a deep breath.
But again, I can't.
Be the star or show up to the gig if I am a shell of a human, I can't do it. So I really had to take moments and have hard conversations with myself where it's like, hey, you got to be selfish for a minute, whether people get upset with you or not, you need to be selfish and take care of yourself. Yes, or there will be nothing, like we will have no career.
There'll be nothing left. Yeah, yeah, I love that. I think. I think to your point, women, the world wants to bamboozle us, and we do it to ourselves. And I think anytime we can sit down and really just say this is what I need, it's a big deal.
One. And the pressure that we put on ourselves, the pressure that the outside world puts on us, whether you're a stay at home mom.
Whether you're a fortune five hundred early, we're supposed to do it all.
I mean, I have a whole twenty minute bit about our cortisol Like it's it's like everyone's cortisols through the fucking roof.
And nobody knows your cortisol is and.
Then on top of that, you go to the doctor and they can't figure out your hormones. I'm like, how are we all this stressed, sweaty, exhausted while also having insomnia and none of us can figure it out.
That's the bottle of wine conversation we're having next. But I love it. Where can people get tickets to your remaining tour dates?
You can get tickets at Heather ontour dot com. And I'm serious, we gotta we have to get together a lady, I know.
And figure out.
I gotta do it. I'm gonna text youant me, beat me tweets, all right, I know where to find.
I love you, adore you truly same.
Yeah, you make me so happy and I just really I cherish that I get to know you.
My God, that's the kindest thing get for her. It's true.
And you make me laugh. Bless you.
You're doing the most. I'll tell you what.
You're doing the Lord's work, honey. Thank you for today, Oh my
God, thank you
