Whine Down with Jana KramerIt's time to hear from the husbands and husband to be! Kathryn's husband Nick, Kristen's husband Preston and of course... Jana's Allan join the Queendom to share the guy's perspective.
Hear the advice Nick and Preston have on fatherhood for Allan, and find out what happens when Jana and Allan discover they might have different parenting styles.
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
All Right, everyone, welcome to this week's podcast episode. This is a very special podcast that we're having because me, Kristen and Catherine have our men joining today's wind down.
Bring your husband no words?
Whose idea was this?
Who do you think your worst? Probably No, I don't think it was mine. Okay, here it was mine.
You're the producer, right, So what I what I said was what it had started with. I think it would be maybe helpful for Alan if maybe Preston came on to kind of say like, hey, this is what you are going to have to look forward to.
Is that how we're framing it? Kramer?
Yeah, right after after birth?
All the things and the words after birth. Let's make that a groups.
Like after the birth. I left out the word the Okay.
So that's where I'm like, you know, because I think there's pieces of things that we've talked about on wind Down about postpartum, right, because there's something that Alan had said, maybe like a month or so ago, we're oh.
Changed for those that are not in the room, said we need a narration moment.
Well no, because he had just basically said, you know, once the baby's out, You're going to be fine. And I had this moment like of extreme inaccuracy because that's.
No, I'm kind of i mean, what do you mean? What do you mean? Well?
Right, So I think what he meant was because I'm just so uncomfortable and I've been sick and i've been you know, just not been able to do the things that I want to do and feel the way that I want to feel. And what I heard though when he said that was what.
Was extreme inaccuracy.
Yeah, Bud in Allen's defense.
You know, but what I heard was that for me, I'm like, man, the fourth what postpartum is the most emotional piece and there's still a lot like I'm not going to just be fine afterwards. And I'm sure you've witnessed a lot of postpartum, Kristin, Oh, yeah, for sure. And so you know and and in In you know, you you don't men. I don't think men realize that postpartum.
I don't even know what postpartum was.
They don't have that in the UK.
They don't serious. It's a United States.
They just don't have that. Everything's fine.
They don't have Miles and they don't have a postpartum just kilometers and smooth sailing.
Yeah, okay, no even hailed of it.
You've never heard of best part of ever.
Really, I had never heard of it till she says she had it. I was like, something's going on, though, and so we figured it out. I guess that's what I say. We don't telling anything.
And we broadcast broadcast.
I will say this though, like the stuff that he's probably talking about, like being sick and stuff like last night I heard her say, remember when I was sick every single day with our baby lying, and then now the sickness went away. I mean the second that baby was born, the sickness was over. So in his defense, I could be kind of what he's talking about. You're gonna be all right here in a minute.
Sure, But.
The biggest thing is your discomfort and a lot of things like pressing. You said will be lave you and disappear. I'm not talking. It wasn't referencing hormones or behavior.
Well, this is good. We don't have to start from scratch, because I thought we were starting from scratch.
So you do know that the post there is a there's a fourth partum or right? Is that? How it's the fourth trimuster essentially, is what they call it, the postpartum and there are hormones after that.
She's going to ratchet up the crazy little bit. And then Bill Kirk, well, I think.
That's actually offensive. Yeah, I would say, oh, because.
It's And I love you and I can say that because you're like a brother to me. But women's hormones after babies are crazy, Like I remember both being like, I'm bawling and I have no your hormones are you feel crazy?
It doesn't make sense to you either, I mean it makes sense to him. If not makes sense to It's just something you have to go through.
Well, and let us not all forget the extreme sleep deprivation one goes into and why it's considered a torture technique for a reason. So we're in the midst of hormones and balance. Your body is not the same. Your recovery after a C section is longer than other recoveries, and on top of it, you're not sleeping and this time we're pushing forty.
Sounds like a storm.
I mean, so, Presley, what has been the hardest thing for you post baby with Kristen?
Which time, Well, let's just talk. Let's just talk this time.
This time, we just need more help. We need help because I'm gone like crazy. You know, We're doing two hundred shows a year. I'm gone all the time. And she's just being a superhero the best that she can. And she's tired, and I don't know how she does it like she's you know, some days if I'm gone on a Monday, still she's she's up all night with baby lying, and then six fifteen, you know, six am, she's up making lunches and she's getting the kids off to school, and you know, just packing that third kid in the car is the whole thing, Like just getting that baby ready and getting it in the car so that the other two well, I mean, I don't know how she does it, but you know, so that's been the hardest thing, is like how do we find good help? Who is good help? And does she she has to love them too, like the help. We can't just get help, Like we need someone that's going to be cohesive.
He wanted to move someone in. He wanted a no pairt.
I've got a solution on the Postpotomo, Come stay with you, I'll help you.
Great.
Well this works out perfectly because it's actually our baby anyway, So this is like magic.
I think that's the toughest part, though, it's finding that finding that sweet spot where she gets to still be mom and still feel like mom, spend all the hours because she wants to spend time with all the kids, but also she needs the breaks and I'm not there to give her breaks, and so that's with the third kid, it's become a lot.
I would say third time feels a little like the charm for us though, like Love's postpartum our first was would you agree, horrendous?
Horrible, horrible, And it wasn't just another trimester. It was like a year. It was a year. It was a whole school year, just that, you know, just like a whole man. I didn't know what we were in. I didn't know what postpartum was. I was looking it up.
Well when you were in Mexico most of the time. So that was straight heard.
I heard a doctor mention it in the in the room and the doctor looks at her, she says, you know, are you thinking about hurting yourself? And I'm like, well, are we talking about? Like what is this? And then all of a sudden they're like you know, and all these different symptoms that you need to be And then she turned to me and I said, well, I'm not watching for any of this. I didn't even know this was a thing like you because I.
Scored low on the questionnaire, the postpartum questionnaire for like post screening.
I know she was just in her own level of just trying to get out of the fog. And I didn't even know there was a fog. And so once I started understanding what it was, then I started feeling like, here's where I can meet her in the fog a little bit and try to help, you know, if I can.
But and how did you What would be a tip for new dads.
Get out of Bed's a lot of patience. Get out of bed, would them?
Get them?
Don't go to bed, start a band and go on the road. Cry don't go turkey hunting the first morning your home. Don't do that. Maybe the third morning your home, you know, but don't go first morning your home.
I did go coach a football game in the day that Emmy was born.
I think it was Ramsey, But at that point with the third I'm like, go do what you gotta do with the other kids. I mean I was at that point. But to that, I was going to say, I think it's very important to also keep in mind there's so many different levels of it. Like I think all moms cry at the drop of a hat after they have a baby. Sure don't don't expect that, and that's normal, but to keep an eye on that because it can get so much further and be past that. But like, you know, I didn't have postpartum, but I did, you know, cry at the drop of a hat. So I just think it's very important to watch that there's such different levels of it, and some of it is normal and not into not that postpartum depression is not normal, but you know what I mean, and then into postpartum.
I think it's also when I think back on to it, I remember being becoming like unconnected. We were just unconnected because she's trying to stay connected to the kid. You know, it's a newborn and they're connected. And some people say that the kid still feels like they're in their mom for like three months. They don't even figure out that they're not in their mom for a minute, you know. And so I had never even heard that concept before. So here we are falling apart from each other. She's getting closer to the baby, but now there's this new dynamic in the house, and it was my job to stay connected to her. It's not her job to stay connected to me and these kids. And so I had to figure that out that I had to like focus on me and her as well and stay connected, and that would make me connected to the baby more probably. And so because a lot of dads, let's be real, a lot of dads are like, oh man, this is so awesome to have a new kid. And then when the mom was not around, we're like, what do we do this thing? Like it's screaming at me? And when mom walks in, she can hold it and tap it just right and everything goes away. But we're like, I've given it a bottle of given it a beer, I've tried anything, just please stop crying, and nothing works, you know, so we get you know, yeah, it's probably wild to us and confusing.
So I don't think a lot is the logistics, you know. I mean, you're going through all the chemical stuff, but you're as your third fourth or whatever, now you're adding logistics on top of it. So you have the frustration of you know, just more things to do. Yeah, because life doesn't stop now, kids.
Will still have stuff to do and like that has to get done whether we're falling apart or exhausted or not.
Like it is different. I thought that the gap because we so Jannah and I share the same like our kids are all the same ages, which is so always so cool to me. But I thought, I the gap is great for so many reasons because it gives you like they are a little more self sufficient. But then the gap is harder because the feelings are big and they can articulate them, and they still have a million things to do.
They have so much going on as they get older.
Yeah, and they want to yeah, And you want them to play and you want them to be plugged into their own world so that they don't feel the huge transition. But there is a transition for them too. It's going to be great. I want to just drop a little note of hope. Allen and Jane holding hands, like the planes going down that can't see the oxygen masks have fallen from the ceiling.
You might not get the I'm with you even nothing we don't know yet, we don't know. I just want.
I think the I don't remember having postpartum with Jolly depression depression. Yeah, yes, thank you for the claripication of that. With Jace, my postpartum depression was something where and I've known someone that had the wake extreame Ca said, there's massive extremes my connection with Jace. When I had him, I felt a weird. I wasn't connected and that depressed me for a minute because I didn't have what I thought what I had when I had Jolie. And then I realized that was a part of the depression and the not feeling connected to the baby. It was, but it sent me like I'm a spiral. Also, he's a boy, which is different. Not that you not that that makes you less connected, but I felt a different connection with Legend and at first compared it to like, oh it's not as intense as it was with love, but like he was, he was my boyfriend, and it took me a minute to go hang on, like it's a different kind of love, and then once figured that out. But I think I had more postpartum anxiety post Jase.
I definitely had postpartum depression with love for sure. Postpartum more in postpartum anxiety with Legend, but he also was a respiratory kid. He just had a lot of like respiratory issues. And then this one, I feel like I'm unable to diagnose where I'm at because we're only five months out. But this time just feels like I'm in a postpartum period. But I'm trying to navigate it.
Differently again, the hormone levels, age, all the things, because I believe I was in perimenopause when I started pregnant, Biblical age pregnancies that we're having.
I don't even know what you just said. Another I have to google that tonight, but I.
Think at the end of it, I mean, I know, Alan, you're insanely supportive, so I know that you're gonna show up and be a great partner.
You guys think of being aware of it is beneficial. Like you said, your first child, you've never experienced it, So the second one, can you intellectually go Okay, this is probably coming and kind of prepare yourself for it.
Well, two things I think One, you learned how to better support and love yourself and what you need just as you get older. Period, and then you add like a postpartum period, like I knew how I needed to be loved this time, and for me, it was I did not need any visitors until at least six weeks. I needed a minute to like get my I I had to honor that about myself because that's the part that gets stressful for me.
And I was like the movies. I'm like thinking, you know, I'm about to have a baby. We need all the in laws in the window of that at the at the hospital.
Yeah, everybody ready, and then.
I'll hold a baby up like Simba and everybody parties and the door swings open and she puts her clothes on and we go home.
You know what I mean.
I thought it was just like that, and then I realized, you know, it wasn't like that.
We're the same? Are we identical? Have everybody in the delivery room? That's my motto.
And then the second time around, I invited less people, and so I was like, okay, RSVP this second time and the third time I started to really listen, like okay, this is this is your room, this is I get it now, you know. So it took me a minute.
It's so celebratory, like the lion king to him, and for me, I'm like this is like sacred quiet territory.
Well, and I told Alan too, I think I said this too where I I'm pretty sure I did. Where when the baby comes, I still need to have our precious connection moments too, because I don't want that piece to us to be sleep deprived or edgy or snippy or like guys like are we just we have to have find a minute each day that's something that we can just kind of sit with each other because those moments just the other day when we had a crazy day and we were just passing, it's like, hey, let's sit for thirty minutes and have a conversation and keep that Like that, that's something that.
I know I need from my overall postpartum. Yeah, like even this time, there will be times in the middle of the night where I'm feeding the baby and if Pressent's home, like you just get up and he's like you want me.
To do it?
Or he like rubs my back and that is enough for me just not you know, Like I.
Wish I could send a text message, dudes, they're about to have.
A baby, what would you say.
I don't know exactly what I'd say. It depends if their wives are going to read it or not. But if the wives aren't reading it, I can't say it. So you know, I could text it to Alan, you could read it another day when I'm here.
Okay, Well, what would you say if we weren't here.
Well, I mean, that's not real life. You are here, but I think now, no, okay, so let's just paraphrase in a nice, gentle way. You know, life's about to get a little bit crazier and you're going to need to be getting up in the middle of the night and doing your part. She's going to need to be feeling some extra love from you. I mean, chime in, boys whenever you're ready, because I'm on the spire.
But you know, just.
I always want to try to find ways that with you know, Troy Gentry told me this from Montgomery. Gentry got rest the soul. But you know, I just remember we were about to have a baby and he told me, he said, you've got to stay connected to your wife and it's not going to be as easy as you think. And I was like, oh man, we got this, you know what I mean. We had only been together a little while and I was like, a minute, yeah, we're so on fire. In love. This is this is gonna be easy. And I just went in one ear and out the other. But I think about that all the time now because I'm like, how true was that one sentence that he was trying to tell me? And now I see it, like I you know it. Sometimes it's still labors the love. Maybe it's just you know, an extra time with the dishwasher, doing the little things, washing the bottles when she just is so tired she don't feel like doing that, you know, and like all the little things that you definitely don't feel like doing, but you just do it because like she said, sometimes it's rubbing her back. Sometimes it's just a little kiss on the neck, just saying you've been awesome this you know today or you know tonight in the middle of the night, you know. And so because look, look she does all the heavy lifting. I ain't seeing the dirty die for this week. I mean, she is awesome. She does it all and she lets me sleep. I come off the road, I'm super tired, And you know I.
Would I would steer away from using the term super tired. Yeah, I'm just being honest. That was one trigger.
It's a different kind of tired.
Yeah, like I remember him coming home and he's like, I'm just really tired, and I thought, I bet you are really tired.
However, you also have a unique situation.
Yeah so yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that was one of the questions yeah too from a UH from UH. I did a poll and basically it was how his press and handle being a new dad and in the spotlight and on being on tour.
That far is easy, man, We love being that.
It's fun part.
But when you come home and you say you're tired, and it's like Christens just like you don't know what tired is.
And the kids have all drawn picked and they're waiting and they want to put it right in your face right when because I one thing that has changed for me is I take the last, the last flight out I can to leave, and then I take the earliest first flight I can to get home. And that's a different level of stress outside of the house that no one sees. Just trying to be home as much as you can, because it's just as it's hard to get the hours the other dads are getting. Like I'm trying to build my time up and I'm gone a lot, but I'm also not working a nine to five and home just every single night. That's kind of gone too in its own kind of way. So when I'm home, i'm home, and I get to write from home and it's cool. So I don't know, I think I think being on the road doesn't even weigh in as much as I mean, it's fun and I'm lucky. Chris, the guy I sing with, was a dad for I don't know, six seven years before I ever was, and he's a great dad. So fortunately I got a good example of someone who shows up as a dad, And had I been singing with somebody that wasn't like that, I might have had a worse example in a different influence. So I was ready for that, you know.
Alan.
One of the questions from the Q and A was what are you most nervous about being a new dad since it's been sixteen years?
What my most nervous about? I think since it's been so long since twice sixteen, so it's been a lot of year since he was a tiny little baby, and I think it's just the I'm not nervous about anything, but it's just like looking at that tiny little thing up again. How you hold them and how you handle them and how you touch them and caress them. That seems so long ago that listen, nervous nothing. I'm not nervous about anything because I'm looking forward to it. I'm excited. But it's just been I mean it's been sixteen years. Like we were building what we were building the other night, that play and play, the pack and play, and then I forgot what that was.
Yeah, and you'll never figure out how to put it together.
Technology is not improved.
It's actually easy, wasn't it.
It was the attachment, The attachments were moving it because you remember.
You had to do it in a certain order.
It was your fault.
You did it.
You don't have any fears then.
I mean the sword like Troy's Troy sixteen, he's grown up, Like I go to the gym with them. He's taller than me, like, so there's there's an element, an element where he's grown up. It's just how to to manage this tiny little thing.
Again, can't handle Allen's first.
Of all, the same body have trouble with the words six with this guy because everything he says is sexteen. I mean, it's been sixteen years since I had a baby and held one and then.
He says a little different than you.
He says things like sexteen and caressing and holding. I'm like, this is how the baby got in there?
Okay, Well, speaking of your son, how people want to know how you manage having that distance and the back and forth between the UK and if you officially live here or not in what your.
Honor UK baby?
It's both dual citizenship awesome because he's Scottish.
So both possibles. Are you having a baby here? Are we allowed to talk about this? Yeah? I don't know. So you're having a baby here, but it's halfway UK baby.
Too, Well, he gets to have dual citizenship.
We'll talk about that.
I mean, if you're going into labor here and flying supersonic over there to have the baby, I could see dual and then time zones too. I mean, I'm gonna say this sounds like the baby's ours. This is a US A baby. Let's go back to the question and how I feel.
Just the distance and how do you and and with that question is is having an older and a younger?
Is that? How are you going to manage that?
Okay, so the first thing is a distance. It's tough, but I mean, you know, I travel a lot anyway, but I go back once a month to spend proper time with Troy. So when I'm back there, it's me and him, whereas when historically when I see him, I'd maybe only see him for a day or two and then i'd be back at the football club. So in my head, I mean, it's difficult, it's really difficult. But the time that I spend with them now, for that week or five days whatever it is, it's obviously been less the last couple of months. The time that I get with them is like precious, concentrated me and him. So there's a power within that, and it it eases my mind with it a bit, so it makes it easier to manage. The second one was how will I manage having an odor m D and a younger one? Yet I think when you're a dad, you just your natural instincts kicking and you make them both feel safe and loved and kildful.
Not just absolutely, and you do such a great job with that, you really do.
It's yeah.
Yeah, Can I say one thing, I actually envy all y'all situation because it's like you're going to be forced to slow down a little bit. Yes, it's going to be crazy. Yes, it's going to be a hectic, but you're going to be forced to slow down because you have an infant. Like that would be awesome to be able to sit down on a couch with a baby for an hour. Like this week alone, we've had what softball, volleyball, cheer basketball, It's just every single day.
It just gets so busy. That's so true.
I've thought about that too, like it would be like, I think it's good to see that as a positive because I think I know for you you can see that kind of as a negative, like slowing down or whatever. But now looking at it, having fourteen, eleven and seven, I'm like, what precious time. Yeah, to just be able to sit and be with a baby, you know, like that's.
I'm looking at this kid.
I mean you saw the other kids and they're crazy and busy and all the things.
But that would be be nice.
Yeah, cool, and it is.
That's a good perspective, just because I remember we were a dinner with a friend and she was saying, my kids are off now and I don't get to have that, and so it's like enjoy each moment that you do have and not try to rush it.
Or I bubbled really really hard. This time, I did go. I did come back to wind down, probably faster than I should have because I don't know what I was saying, But I did take myself off. I mean I was like TBDLC everybody in like maybe August.
We actually talked about that last night.
Friends of ours were asking how you were doing and the baby was doing, and I mentioned that as like she's really hunkered down this time, and like, I'll envy that.
That's great. I think it's been so good for you.
It's not easy to do watching her do it either, sure, because people are kind, they're trying to get in there ran and she just wasn't having it.
I just know how quick it goes. Yeah, And I prayed for that maybe for two years, you know, And I just I think it's going to feel that way to you too, that you you're older. Your perspective is different when you know it's your last, it's different.
You know, there's a lot of wisdom in that.
Just making sure to block that off, yeah, because that's precious time you're not going to get back.
Yeah, speaking speaking of our speaking of our last babe, is this what was a question, is this our Is this our last kid?
Is that someone else's question?
That was.
A question? It was important question.
It was It was a question, is this is Are you guys are one and done?
I would think so.
Okay.
So on that topic, he's not sure how he feels about getting circums up.
To talk about that. I meant had a buck knife. We can take care of the real.
So that was because I'm like, babe, if you don't get a sectomy, there's always a chance that it could happen again.
Yeah, we are on that topic right now.
I have no problem.
He's all about it.
He finds about it. It's such freedom. Oh, I can't wait.
In the words of.
Get it done.
Yeah, they got a March Madness deal going with doctor Chopp. You've seen that.
His name is doctor shop.
His name is doctor Chop. His first name is Dick.
Not kidding, doctor, I'm not lying.
I google it doctor Dick Chopp, and he has a March Madness deal going and are both going. You can get it done and you put a back of peas on your junk and you just watch March Madness for a weekend.
Oh that's okay. No, you don't get a vacation after.
There is something about the time the tube tying thing though that I just and again, I don't ever want to carry another baby. I'll make that very clear right here. We both know mama is done. I'm done carrying children.
You're basically smuggling a soccer ball is all you're doing right now. So she's so cute.
But so that's that's very clear. I just the thought of taking and tying. I've heard things that it could be there's not there's side effects to tying tubes, but also to take away that I don't know.
I'm not doing it.
I don't know how I feel about it. I feel that way about it as sectomes actually like I don't, but you can, but you can easily.
My brother sorry, no, he got a little a little needle that goes in your balls because to take out.
The you know, oh, we're selling that if we do that, So because the.
Tubes, you're done. Yeah, I could not do tubes. So the wheels have fallen off.
Now we're selling it in straws.
Okay, boiled boiled?
Is that what you said? What did you sab.
We need.
And make a lot of money off that same I'm.
Just gonna We're going to transition really fast. Please, how does it feel coming into the step parent role?
Coming into it? It's something that I've done from a young age with Clothia, so I've been there, and yeah, the amazing kids, so it doesn't it.
Would be hard if you came in with like undisciplined kids. I've always thought that'd be that'd be tough.
Yeah, I think the kids are. The kids are so well behaved and nice and pleasant that it makes it so much easier. Really, it really does. Like if they were problem children, then that would be tough. Sure, it'll be tough.
And how much have you had to help Jana and the kids understand with your accent? And is Alan worried about his child becoming American accent?
Wise? Daily Scottish lessons, Daily Scottish lessons, daily lessons, one hour a day, one hour.
I do you get excited to see what he'll sound like? Honestly, he's going to probably sound sound pure American.
Troy when Troy when when I live in California, North Carolina and California, Troy and Claudia, Troy ended up with an American accent. Hm, it's now you know Scottish, mostly English, no American in there, but they just did you. It's the surroundings, the friends.
What will you do when he says to you, I want to snack. We're not going to Americanize him.
We're going to Michigan or him.
Alan, do you have the same respect for Mike as he does for you?
Yeah, I've gett No, I've got no reason to like those. I don't disrespecting one. But he's a nice guy. He's pleasant to me, and I will always respect Mike if he respects you.
Mhm, that's simple.
Is Alan concerned that his Scottish traditions will be lost being in America?
No Kish lessons, one hour a day?
How does Alan feel about Janna having to be so public about her life on social media?
How does Alan feel about that?
Yeah, it's It's not something I'm used to, but it's something that I've adapted to. It's it can be tough at times because you hear me say you a lot, don't put that on Instagram, don't put that on social media because because your default is uploaded regardless of what it is.
Alan with the Christmas lights in the bush whatever, He's like, yeah.
Okay, but to be honest, though we have fun with it.
We do.
We have fun with it.
Yeah, I think the balance. Yeah, I think you've been more private this time. Yeah for sure.
Okay, Parenting styles you disagree with your spell on and how do you handle it?
Start with nick and cap.
Oh, I am not touching this person.
Parenting styles you disagree with.
If you go back from the beginning, you know it was always we had the spanking.
Which is funny because you would say it. I'm like, we are not spanking our kids, and he's like, I thought we weren't.
That's all I can think about now.
I think a lot of depends on the personality of your kid, you know what I mean, Like we we parent, I guess the same for all three for the most part, but each kid has a different personality, so you kind of there's a little more flexibility in leeway. Like we give our son probably way more freedom than I had at his age because he's such a mature kid.
Okay, so that's where we disagree.
That he's not mature.
He is, but it's like he's starting to date and like I will question, like should he be able to do this? And it is just a blanket like, yes, you let him go with the girl, like no matter what, the like, no questions ask it. But I'm like, so you're gonna like your daughter do that? And he's like, no, you have.
To treat them this.
You do not No, you.
Do not agreed a disagree?
No, agree to move in with me?
Kat Okay.
Over to Christen and Preston. I know, mm hmmm parenting styles. Who disagree with your spouse on? How do you handle the disagreement?
So Preston was raised really country redneck, like, yeah, yeah, I had him pick the switch. You had to go pick the switch, and which to.
Get your own switch down? And if you brought it back? And what's a switch?
Well, I call it a stick. If we're talking about sticks, Yeah, that's prby If it was so if traveling is so lost, you have to cut Yeah.
So as she say you're trouble, go get your own switch, you're gonna get whooped with it. Here was the million dollar questions. So was it better to have a thicker one?
Oh?
If my if I if I brought the wrong switch home, because I would test it out in the woods, I'd be like, oh yeah I can handle this one. Now I bring it home. She'd be like, uh, nope, now you get double switches. And so if she had to go get the switch and bring it back, I got double switches.
Yeah.
I had to roll your jeans up. This is my mom would be in jail today. You had to roll your jeans up. Me and my brothers, all of us did it. I had to roll your jeans up to your knees. And then she would hold your shirt by the shoulder so you could or your mullet whatever she can get ahold of. You're about to be a wild pony right here, and so they get ahold of that thing wild. She she gets you on the back of the calf with it right.
So, based on the success rate of how that all worked out for him and the three brothers, because one of three turned out fine and I married that one. Based on the success rate of the switch getting. My biggest thing is when it comes to parenting a boy, I don't I'm I am big into feelings and I don't need him. I want him to be a strong man, I want him to be a leader, I want him all the things. I just think that our society does not do a good job of letting boys also be human beings that feel.
And meanwhile, while she's this is our I guess I'm tending to the masculinity and the testosterone it's coursing through his veins and he needs a man to step in and teach him how to control his emotions a little bit before he even speaks about his emotions, like it just rolls through his blood. He is a different from our little girl, and I see it, and if I don't use a different tone with him, like my voice has got to come on down a little bit. And then I see his head turn and then he starts to hear it and get it, and we talk about things and I don't I'm not really too tough with him, but you know, at first I'll be like, listen, you gotta listen to me, and then we kind of like, you know, debrief what we just went through.
But I feel like that's new because I feel like, for a while, you're like, gotta get together, like it's just it was like this like shame trend, like get together and what do you do you know? And I was like, Okay, well he just was in my body five years ago. So that's where I have a different compassion for the court.
Especially with the son is the older he gets, the more you'll start picking up on both sides of that.
And I'm so easy with all of it until her top blows. When her top blows, then I it's my call to action. When I hear the tone hit, she storms out of the room or she says a certain phrase, and I'm like, and that's my cue. And then when I come in tough, then she comes running back to save the day, and that's frustrating.
Well, we're trying to break that cycle right now.
God's frustrating because she has blown her top. I'm coming in to handle business now and we're gonna get this together quick, and which I should have probably done to begin with, but I let her handle the feelings. Now now she's lost.
It those for those that couldn't see that.
She's lost it and headed out to the other part of the house and I'm in here dealing with things, you know, just grabbing.
The mullet room.
And how you think it goes down.
The replay, Yeah, both those probably.
Yeah, that appears to us though too.
I'm like more of the disciplinarian and then I'll lose it and then I'll step out and then he'll come in I'm like, why are you going to be so hard on them?
Even though and then I'll try.
It, I'll admit it.
I'll be the first to admit it, and I'll come back and want to save the day so I can even acknowledge that happens.
What do you think is going to happen between us because we haven't really had to with because it was Julie and Jace. I'm obviously the more I mean, you will say, hey, don't do that, or but you don't really discipline them unless like maybe a few times when I've said it a million times, like listen to your mother and you have my back. Well, we've all you've had my back on all those things. So with now our boy, what are how do you think will parent and discipline together?
What do you do you see an issue?
Not an issue, but do you see something that could we could probably disagree on or not do the same that might cause a little frustration.
I think it goes back to Preston's point where and you mentioned it as well, well, your parent your parent boys different to girls, and you're almost parent. There will be a part of my parenting will come from my dad and.
Because you think I baby Jace. Yeah, I wish we had camera.
I mean, I'm not even here.
I think I will be the tougher one. And when I speak people, the kids will listen, and Roman will listen. But you you'll speak, You'll speak more. You'll speak more, and you'll try and discipline more. And like you said, you step cuting point.
He also has a presence like.
It makes me well.
With that said, then are you gonna do you think you'll be the dad that lets the baby cry it out? Or are you going to because I think that's going to be our first challenge with the baby is I'm going to say, let the baby cry it out, and you're gonna want to go hold the baby. And I'm because I'm very strict with the sleep training. That's I've always been very strict with that and obviously don't let him cry out to it, you know, the crazy degree. But I'm also you had they have to comfort themselves at a certain point, and so would you go in and so I'm just curious where you were. Your softness with that will.
Be Yeah, with stuff like that will probably be soft m hmm.
I see I see you going in yeah, yeah.
Good luck.
When you looking back when we kids catching the baby wise, what does it saying, Oh, I've already.
I'm already I'm the baby wise out. I'm already starting to print out the schedule like for each week like boom boom boom, boom boom.
I will say, that'll make your life in the long run. It'll make it better, far better when you have it scheduled.
Alan, call me when you want to be soft buddy, because I'm the softie. There's no crying it out, there's no schedule. There's just a lot of skin to getting to watch.
I mean, like the wife's man, they have a language they can talk to the kids that nobody else can really. I mean, I don't know what it is. She can come in and save the day, and it's like, I don't know how she tapped into that little that little phrase that diffused the whole thing. But that's cool to watch and I learned from that all the time.
Uh, the stress you feel as a dad that you don't want your wife to know.
I think.
Personalities come into play here. I've always had that personality of who want it done right?
I got to do it now. I live with this whole.
Oh my God, if I were to die tomorrow, everybody else is screwed. And that's not true, but that's that's kind of the stress we live in. You know, I have to take care of these three kids and her and if something happens to me, then my God was going to happen to them, And that's not exactly truth, but we kind of live with that that we are the provider role, which we are I believe, you know, that's how God called us to be the steward and take care of our families. But with that comes a lot of added stress, and that's probably that's always been a little bit of a conflict in my spiritual battle. Yes, I fully trust and rely on God. However I tend to act like it relies on me. Mm hmm, and I think that's.
Yeah.
For me, that's definitely it is the being the provider and if I don't take care of things, they'll never get done.
Allan mhm.
Someone school full slight and think of it. That's more so.
I don't understand the question.
Nick got deep, Alan skipped.
Say it again, but maybe slower or something. I don't know.
The stress you feel as a dad that you don't want your wife to know about.
I don't want my wife to know about.
That she's about to find out about, man.
I mean, I think she knows about all the stress I'm feeling. I don't think there's anything that I don't think there's any stress. I'm pretty transparent about what's going on. One thing, that one thing that I learned early on was like I was just always on the phone and dealing with whatever deals and songs and record deals and things just always always happening. And so I learned to like kind of take some things into the other room, make them a little bit more concise, a little bit quicker, and then get back to family time, you know what I mean. So I would I had the benefit of kind of dealing with all these deals at home, and so I try to I try to take that stress into the other room and don't let it come back into the other room. It took me a lot of years to do that, Like I would carry the stress back into the family time and then I would let and it still does. I mean, look was just real life. But I know for sure that I'm holding things back that I don't want to affect our time as a family, and I don't want to like my worry if man, the stress of losing a record deal or something like that that's a lot in this town. Or the stress of a song that's been cruising up the charts and now it's at thirty two and you just got a phone call that it's over. It's just done. The last nine months of your life is just for nothing in a sense, and you are really gambling on that thing to get to the top twenty or the top ten. Now I got to go in and take the kids to Chuck E Cheese and I'm like, everybody's having a good time, and I'm like, our song just died. It's like losing a part of you. And so there's like this grief that comes with like losing a song. I don't get to grieve over in front of anyone. And so, and we've had our share of losses, we've had our share of hits. We've had our share of losses. And those days when you lose a record dealer, you lose a song, or you lose some deal that was important to providing for your family in the long run. Man, you're just like, Wow, that's hard, you know, And that's like any that's probably all dudes in a different kind of business and in their situations, you know, with their jobs. So I think we you just have to turn that off and don't let that hang into your life, you know, and effect, because man, at the end of the day, the kids are the only thing that's going to make you feel better anyway. You know, the kids are. They love you. If you're living in a cardboard box or if you're you know, got the number one saw on the radio, it just doesn't matter to them. And that's the thing that you have to learn. It's tough.
I think I think you're pretty good that I know when you're stressed, and you know when I'm stressed, and I think our communication is pretty good when it comes to things like that. So I don't know if those Yeah, you've got this stress that every father has of is your baby going to be healthy? Is it that you're going to be able to provide you for your kids and your wife and this and that. But I think you're pretty good at recognizing things. And then I'm now better at it because I would just go quiet, But you're you're good at bringing that out of me, whereas I don't so I don't really feel like I'm hiding any stresses. That makes sense because you know about my stresses.
Yeah, lightning round for you boys, So just chime in when you can. Uh, what do you love most about your your lady.
That she came back?
Can you?
I didn't know she left, but for that, My wife is a smoke show. I love it. Every day I try to tell her she's a smoke.
So you're so, you're so thoughtful. Oh the thing so thoughtful? Smiles me up everything.
You want to change your answers.
No, actually, actually besides, I mean I love that she's so witty. I mean I would never have married my wife had she not just made me laugh so much. And from the minute we met, she had me you know, And I said, I like your jacket, and she turned out and said I like your face. Came over. I'm like, okay, here we go.
Best part of parenthead, fatherhood, best part of fatherhood, this has actually happened recently, is when and this will happen when y'all's kids probably you know, get a little bit older.
But I've had parents come to me and say, Wow, your kid is impressive, or he's so polite or she's so respectful or those are the things that really hits you, and you're like, okay, doing a good job.
Didn't let them fall off the cliff. Okay, we're good.
We're good. I like just doing our own haircuts at home. It's awesome, man, it's fun to like he's put a mullet and a mohawk together and just like do it. What do you call that? I don't know the legend of school. I just leaned over my wife the other day. We were first, want to send our kids to school with a mohawk and a mullet all it's all in one, you know, And and it looked like a nasty boy from back in the nineties, right. And the next thing, you know, we go to a school function the other day. This is a Christian school, and I leaned over and I said, all the little boys have legends of my cut. Now in here, we gotta think something else. Now we put vanilla ice lines in their next I think the rattail back.
I like just looking at them and being proud of them. With Troy, how he's growing up and he's filtering football and he's dedication. Just looking at them and being pro to them, he's a good kid.
Yeah, yes, I really really enjoyed the time we spent together.
Do you guys listen to the podcast? Can you insert crickets? Here?
Is?
This?
Is this my wife's question, This is a fan question. I don't listen to podcasts. I don't. I don't listen to any podcasts.
You don't even listen to your podcast?
I do some.
Yeah, I mean I'm not a P one listener. You know, I'm not every single episode.
I can appreciate that term.
Yeah, but yeah, I listened to itally.
Does Alan eat any other cheese? Does Alan eat any cheese?
She changed it?
No tomatoes, no better. What do you guys think of queendom?
I mean, can I just be straight up? I have no idea what queen the miss? Oh? Okay, well that's probably good. It's probably good thing that you have girls have a group text thing going. I've always liked it.
You know, that kind of bounce ideas off each other and do your little thing.
And I don't involved.
Are you going to wear a kilt to the wedding?
Oh?
What a kilt? We're wearing kilts to this thing.
I am ridiculously excited about wearing a kid wearing.
Are you wearing one?
I think so we all are elean.
Are you wearing a kilt?
Undecided?
Undecided? Can I wear one? Regardless?
You can't wear kilt questions.
I just have one more question about the skirt. So, like with the kilt, do you wear what do you wear from the knees down?
You wear like ankle sock so you can listen. There's different stateles, but you're supposed to traditionally you're supposed to be a socks that come up to and.
What kind of shoes cowboy.
Boots you can put your own?
You put your own twist. I kind of like that. Yeah, I'm wearing a kilt.
What is something not clothing? What is something not clothing that you hope will make a comeback in twenty twenty four? Clothing not clothing that you hope will make a comeback in twenty twenty four?
Mm watch yourself next?
Did so?
I'm happy over here?
We got it about that vasectomy anything?
No, Alan people want to know, are you going to watch the delivery? And are you nervous?
I'm not nervous. No, I watch it. I won't watch the incision. I won't watch that. You know it was like a few days ago when the woman's putting a needle and you needles two, that's you.
He looks like telling the nurse and you're not putting that in.
Scared.
Yeah, So I won't watch the incision and like I, like I said to you a couple of days ago, I will. My biggest thing is I need to make sure you can focus on me and I focus on you, so you don't need to focus on what's going on now with my legs.
That's what I learned in the delivery rooms. Just don't be a liability.
Yeah, okay, yeah, I absolutely love the delivery room.
This guy.
All right, And as we wrap up, As we wrap up, what is one piece of advice that you want to give to the listeners as a partner, Christ I'm.
Gonna let my wife give this.
No, no, no, this is for the men that this is ment only.
I'm gonna be honest. My wife gives me all my good words. Man, she's so good with words.
So you'd like me to write this quote for you?
You text me real quick while everybody else is answering, I'll go last.
I'm going on basically, what is the best piece of advice either as you know, for relationally, fatherhood wise, or just something that you.
That you've received or that okay, then pressing fun.
It's not always easy, but it's always amazing. No matter what the day brings. It could be the toughest day, but at the end of the day, you're in the most amazing moments of your life and they're fleeting in a snap of a finger. They're going to be two, somebody told me, and I never believed when we had our first kid, when Love was first born. Tim Richards, the radio guy in Phoenix, he called me up and he said, pressing the first six months is going to feel like ten years, and six to one is going to feel like five years, and one to three is going to feel like two years. And then all of a sudden, everything is like five minutes from there out. And he was like, it's just gonna it's just going to take off like a rocket and it's all going to be a snap of a finger. I know you guys are in it right now what you said about all the different events, But before you know it, they're all going to be in school someplace and you're gonna be like wishing you could go to the soccer game and the cheerleading in and dance and so sometow somehow embrace that, you know. I mean, it's not easy. We got to be everywhere at once, but nxs.
Just you're gonna have highs, You're gonna have lows. Just never give up. You just you never know what's right around the corner. And learn from your past mistakes, walking each day with more wisdom.
You know.
Don't don't let something you've gone through in the past not prepare you for the future. If that makes sense. There's wisdom and everything. And it took me to my age now to kind of realize that. So now I'm kind of looking back on things that we may have gone through in the past and Okay, what could I have learned from those moments.
That may have prepared me better?
In presence, man, just be present, Be present for your kids, be present for your your spouse. And that's tough, especially with you know, careers like we have. It's it's never on, I'm saying, fully on, never off. So you always have to make that time.
For your relationship.
How do I follow PASTA.
I jumped in real quick because I thought about that.
Every phrase mindfulness, present.
That's how I feel about girls.
People just want to hear you talk anyways. So it's it's a twinkled twinkle little.
Star, I think.
I think it's and this comes with maturity as well. I think just recognizing because I was guilty when I was when I was a young father with Troy, like I was a professional footballer, and a lot of it had to be about my match day on a Saturday. How do how do I get what I need? And and as you mature, obviously Troy is older now and the baby's on its way, but as you mature, it's almost like what's best for everyone?
Mhm.
You need to take care of what you need as a man and as a father, and but what's best for what's what's the best thing for everyone?
It's almost like that piece of selfishness is not there. Yeah, it's beautiful. Well, boys, we appreciate you. Thank you for coming on. And this is fun.
Let's uh, this is let's go have a baby.
It's happening and minute, let's go have a baby.
All right, guys, Well, thank you for coming on. We really appreciate you. Any last words, Kristin, You're always good with the last.
Word in closing, I just think it's really important in parenthood and marriage, relationships, friendships, anything, just to say what you want, what you need, and what you feel. And I think that we can't expect anyone to understand what we need or predict what we need without vocalizing it. I think that has been a game changer for us as parents and in our marriage. Is just me saying I need more help in the mornings. I need to date you. I need to feel like a girlfriend. That's recently been a big one. So I just think if we all just communicate a little more, then I think it solves a lot of problems. Nobody's a mind reader, and especially when you're not sleeping, postpartum depression and anxiety are a real thing. If you feel like you're too low or too anxious, you need to talk to a healthcare provider or counselor don't be afraid to admit it is the most common of all things. And you don't lose any mom credibility by having those two things.
Amen, all right, see you next week. I'm the kind of three one, two three, Bye
H
