Whine Down with Jana KramerHave you heard the “Let Them Theory”? Jana wants to turn it on its head, and change it to Let “ME”! You might be on board once you hear her explanation!
What would you do if your ex chose your dream baby name… for his dog?? This happened to Kaitlyn Bristowe, and Jana, Kathryn and Kristen share their thoughts on who has claim to a name.
Plus, with The White Lotus, there’s a lot of talk about the dynamics of 3-way female friendships… so what goes on between Jana, Kathryn and Kristen!
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'mheart Radio Podcast.
Oh ladies, you guys took Jolie's queue today because it's stripees day today. Oh what makes it? Stripes? Stay not wearing stripes. But so they're doing teacap testing and so each day they they're dressing to get them prepared for and I don't know what a stripe is for the tea cap, but it's something. Yeah, it's like yesterday was black because they have to fill in the whole thing black. So it's just like a fun way to get them excited about testing.
That's cute. We don't do that.
Let me know if that works. There's not much you could do to get me excited about testing ever my teacaps. Yeah, I know it started to do you guys remember the meap.
We we didn't have meap.
I just I just had a response in my body. I didn't even know existed. Wow, So we just had Wow. We just had the final meeting at school for Jolie for her dyslexia and her IEP and you know, she'll have the read aloud for the tea cap and the testing and she's going to be able to pass because of the third grade log exemption for her dyslexia. So this is great because this is the grade that she would have been held back, and she would have if she didn't have the dyslexia. So she's getting the log assumption. It's great. We've we've got a whole plan for her in place. But when they're bringing up the testing, I thought of meep and I had this like.
I had it.
That's wild. I forgot. I don't know that I've heard that word since we took it. I'm sorry, there's.
What hours was. I mean, we've always had teacap here.
I just every time we're saying this, I feel like it's a teacup and it's just going a different direction from me.
That's terrible.
I think it's cute though. What they do. We wrote letters, So there's six letters that they could you guys do the letters to it? Yeah, so Jace wrote a sweet one in class that I put an envelope for him, and you know I got everyone. But I digress. Anyways, you guys are in stripes. Go teacap week, Go teacap. We're not even what a big week though, because we've got a number one here. Low Cash has gone number one, my hometown home better? Are you say better than me? Better? Everyone goes stream it so exciting the fact that they are on their own label and they have a number one at radio. It means you, guys, I mean the work that was put into that. Congratulations to the Breast family. So emotional. That's amazing, It's incredible. It is a way different feeling. Where we did Billboard number one last week, we're media Base this week. We're going for a two week number one on media Base. I mean, we are just doing it.
It just so I feel like we were just talking about when was that. It was like two months ago maybe when we all got together and we were at dinner and we were talking about going for that number one, And it's wild.
It's just crazy exciting, it's exciting. It's so great, exciting, so much into this one. It just feels different, feels different. So there's a lot to catch up on. I love these days. Did you guys happen to see my Instagram a couple of days ago?
Which one?
Well, it was a coffee star? Oh no, And I said, well, I'll probably be talking about it on next week's podcast.
I forgot what I was doing because I remember being very distracted. I was talking to someone, probably trying to talk to my child or something, and I saw that. I was like, wait, wait, wait what and then I forgot about it. Meant to message you, but do tell.
Were you like, wait, Mike? I thought we didn't.
Honestly, sometimes things just don't surprise me, kind of just like, okay, wait, fill me in because I didn't see this.
Okay, so let me just back up another beat. Right, So, there is this thing called Derby Day at school. Do you guys have Dirby? We do not, Okay, there are so many days you'll do a.
Lot on your calendar. I'm like, you'll do a lot more than we do.
Derby Day, field days, I guess you guys. Field day, Yeah, pajama days. It is. It is quite a lot.
Yeah okay, but we were heavy day, okay.
And it is where the kids run around in the car line loop for thirty minutes. Is to raise money for the school, and I believe other things.
But yeah, I mean we do something similar.
It's just called okay, Okay, that's something different. They make them, the kids, the horses, what they have to run, So it's how many laps you run okay, yeah, okay, I say the thirty minutes it was is quite a long time because they know they want the kids to run around run a lot, So of course I helped run you know both. I asked the kids, you know, do you want to run? Because their kids, the friends all go off like they kind of start together, and then then I see them running on their own. I'm like, do you want me to run with you? And they're like yes. So I did a lot of the running with them. Alan did some running. My cat's running so like he wasn't going to run regardless. My husband's definitely I go. Dad has a cough. She can't make it.
There's on the roads. It's actually really study.
I'll get you for straight day maybe. But no, we're not making fun of you.
That's fine if you don't like to I do not like to run.
That we know. Great. Even when we were about to miss a flight to one tree hill, we're not running. Oh no, no, not even job.
The one I was not running.
It was like, I will run home if I'm missing a flight to see my kids. I love my tree hillers, but I'm not like it already says it's in the air I'm not running to the gate.
There was no need to run. Just so we're very clear.
I have PTSD from one of our trips. Continue Okay, I was running.
We really digress.
Okay, here we go.
So we're at Derby Day and it has been volatile between us, not how the cozy used to be, saying hellos and goodbyes, and you know, after coming on here and talking on the podcast. So but Derby Day was especially a moment where I was like, I don't actually like the way this feels because it was one of those where there was no we were It's not that I was like trying to not, but it was there was no hello, there was no goodbye, there was no like even between Alan and Like. It was. He was on the one side. I was on the one side. And I remember and Alan made a comment, He's like, oh, you can cut the tension with you know, a knife, and I was like, I'm gonna attention.
Nothing.
I don't care let them let them. Oh, I have a whole other topic about that. That's my wine about it. Stay tuned, Okay, we are today. I'm sorry, stay tuned. I didn't know. Okay, I'm gonna get Okay, I'm going to get in to let them Jesus get us back to Derby Day. So I'm you know, I'm feeling this tension and he leaves and this is and we've had a couple of games where it was, you know, fine, but we normally we will stand next to each other, do that whole stuff. But no, there was there was, you know, none of that. So he leaves and that is when I thought to myself, Okay, I can be upset and I can have frustrations, and I can also not like this tension, and I don't want and again, we don't need to be best friends, but there doesn't need to be. Now this has kind of gotten out of hand where it's this is, this is like too much, you know. So I text him not that day, it was probably a couple days later. I just said, hey, can we discuss the summer schedule? And also I think we should talk about a few things and he said, sounds good. How is this day? Okay? Great? So the plan was he was going to drop the kids off on Sunday because I get them again on Sundays on his weekends, and we would discuss the summer schedule and then we would have a chat. So the kids are playing and we're like, hey, mommy and Daddy needs to go have conversations. We go into Alan's office and we start talking about the schedule in the summer. So, for the schedule in the summer, it's supposed to be week on, week off. I don't like that. I don't like not seeing the I don't ever have a week without them unless I'm filming something. So I drafted up more of like a three four kind of plan. I think it's better for the kids, the whole situation. I like it. It's good for him too, because it's not just you know, because he works during the week. We've got certain things, so now if we book a movie, it all kind of changes. But whatever, Like at least we've agreed to a schedule. So he's like, I think this sounds great and this is probably best for the kids one hundred percent great. And then it was like that awkward, all right, so what do we want to talk? And I'm like, yeah, go for it. Do you want to say something?
And we do.
I feel it.
Because I'm like I want to eventually in the office, I.
Know, and I like sitting in all and see you know, but I didn't know where to go, and I don't want to come into office. I'm not having this stund with them like oh it's perfect, like so yeah, and so also like trying to respect him, like I don't want to bring him up. So I was like, yes, let's just and I don't want the kids to be hearing any of this conversation, you know. So I'm like, let's just go to his office and it's business. Yeah. I like the office, but I'm not going.
To start, even though it's my idea to talk but whatever.
So I you know, he's like, well, I just don't understand, you know, why we're here again. I've gotten some things sent to me from your podcast and I'm like, what people are sending you? He's like, you know, those Reddit trolls or whatever whoever, are sending me clips of the things you're saying on the podcast. And I was like, okay, you know, and I mean you say it here, it's not like trying to like you know, he goes, well, I just don't understand, you know why we're here again. He's like what did I do to be in this situation right now? And so, you know, and then he's like you know, I apologize that we're in this situation, you know, and he's like, I just don't understand what I've done thus far, and I said, this is you know. So I appreciated him sharing, I said, but for me it's hard because I for as long as I'm paying child support and these certain things, there's always going to be that resentment or I'm going to feel tied, or I'm going to feel that cage of the resentment from our marriage and the things that happened. And so it is hard for me when certain things are said and then I see this and he's he's explaining his so he's like, well, I thought I heard this, and I'm like, well that's not what I said, but okay, I can understand that's what you might have heard. And now you can see how and then I took it, and so we're having those good conversations. I was like, but for me, I just feel like, you're trying to have this great relationship, but in just to make sure that I'm paying you your support check every month on time, and is this even a real French And why would you like You're never not going to take the money, you know, And I just don't believe it. When you come on this podcast and say that you hate it and that you're going to stop one day, I just don't believe you, you know. And he's like, well, you know, I'll probably regret not taking it one day, but you know, I don't want you for our relationship. And I was like, well, why do you care about our relationship? Like it's free money, why would you care, you know? And so we just kind of like talk through that, and he said that he has a plan that by a certain point he would like to be at a good place to not because he knows what it does to me and to our relationship. So do I believe it? I don't know, But I said I will let it rest for this period to see and then we can revisit, because obviously this is what you're saying you would like to not do anymore past this point, So okay, I will back off that I will try to just swallow some resentment stuff and see. So we talked about that, okay, And because at the end of the day, I'm like, I don't want I don't you guys know me. I don't like having bad energy. I don't want to I don't want to again, We're not going to be like besties, right obviously, but there does there's we were at such a we were at such a great co parenting place that and we were able to crack jokes and be friendly at games, and I want that for the kids, and I want to be able to have him around certain things for family stuff like so I and I just don't like having that tension. So I'm going to do my best to let that resentment hold for a beat and then I hope that he follows up on what he says and if not, we'll talk about it in two years. Yeah, it feels a little ground cadgs day. So that's probably also frustrating. Yeah, well we've heard it all before. Yeah, And I don't disagree with you. I would want the tension to be gone. I don't want I don't like it.
It's not good for anyone. So i'd agree with you on that and the kids too, exactly. And my only fear and hearing what you're saying is that you're holding on to this hope. I know of something I know that is probably not going to come to fruition. I know, And my prayer for you is that you at some point can let go of that, knowing that you may be paying him until they're eighteen. I know, And I think I'm hoping you can get to that at some point instead of holding on to some kind.
Of and I know, but I almost need to have that for sure. And I know in two years I'm probably going to get and they'll be a big blow up again. But I at least my therapist said four, now, let's believe this for now, you know, and so and then but yes, I agree, I'm already like and that's where I said, I'm like, that's where the tension, the resentment will always be there. I'm always going to have an issue while because I've felt all this resentment in our relationship. So of course I'm going to feel this. And then when I see you say this and do this and it's still the same person, of course I'm going to be upset. How can you not think i'd be upset? You know? So, and she said, till eighteen I had the face. I couldn't even hide it. I mean, that's a.
Long it's a long time, and I totally understand that.
I don't think in my brain it was till eighteen and I don't know why it wouldn't be it makes sense.
It doesn't make sense, but it makes sense. I just hate it all to let down again. That's what worries me, you know, hearing that, because I hate you. Just I hate it you're constantly feeling let down by him. I feel like, you know, and but I'm so thankful, and I'm so thankful that y'all are able to get to this place that hopefully will help everybody for the next couple of years. And maybe he can do it. Maybe he really truly can get to a point where he doesn't have to take the money. I mean, I I think that if you really tried, he could. Yeah, you know I do.
Do I have faith in it? No, But it's because I've always seen the version of sure what I've been shown. I would love this to not be the thing that holds our relationship captive. I would I was like, Mike, I was like, I want an even playing ground with you. I've never had that ever with you ever. And I was like, and that is why it's so frustrated. I have such resentment. I was like, I'm like, that's the piece that's hard for me is because it's always been, Mike hurt me, Mike cheated, Mike's took this, and it's like we've never just been equals ever adults. Yeah really yeah, and you've never not just taken or hurt. I was like, I would just love us to just be like you support the kids. I support the kids on the bairground. Yeahah well well you know yeah, yeah that's really fair. But so what I'll say is how that video came about. So when we were in there for about an hour and a half, I forgot we started the video. Yeah, so we were in there for quite a bit, I mean, and the kids were kept kind of being like y'all, I'm like, you know, there were some tearful moments. I'm like, this is you know, he got upset, I got upset. So there was where we were hashing out stuff that was good to hash out, or our relationship today, you know, not like Pat, but like where we're at today. And so you know, the kids are probably wondering why we're in there, And so Jolie had taken and I hadn't deleted Carver Star off the phone yet, and so Jolie had taken the phone. And when I came out there, because you know, Alan's putting the baby to bed, and so I'm sure he was like, yeah, I go. You know, she went on there and when we got out of the room, she's like, mommy, daddy, will you guys do this video with us? And so I'm like, of course, you know, I want them to see that we can that were good and we weren't fight, you know, everything was fine. So that's how that video came about. So, but Mike was a star in the cover star, just like them doing a cover star. It was funny, but it was like it was really funny, like it was. It was a quite see topic. A few things in there were good. But I think since then it's been great. Like we've been at games and it's been you know, there's that lightness again. And that's what I'm like, I I don't want that. I don't I don't. I don't do well with that tension. I like to just be good with everybody and just be like, all right, for sure, we're good and I'm going to do my best to not bring it up. I got I got two years, he said, when he's forty, so tbd. I was like, let's they're a good old fortieth birthday party on Wine Down and see where we're at another murder mystery TBD and we will see.
I am proud of y'all though, I think that that was very adult of both of you to sit down and do that, And a lot can happen in two years.
So yeah, I continue to be pretty proud of both of you in a lot of ways, like the way you do all of it, and Alan for that matter, Yeah, yeah, for sure. Well and he kind of just like follows my lead and it's like I just don't want to be comfortable for any uncomfortable for anyone, you know, and so but it does take a certain level of understanding from Alan to to be able to even participate in the system. Yeah, yeah, that's for sure, because he's so protective of you. But I gotta I mean, I know we have other things, but I just I feel like we got to. I have to go to the wine about it.
I want to know, Yeah, what marked because Bark earlier.
I guess I got to read the book because I've been kind of deep diving a bit about let them. I'm like, I'm gonna let them know something.
So it's the whole hold on because I haven't, and I don't really know. The whole premise is right, let them do their thing, let them be them, let them, let.
Them, But it's in two parts. Apparently it should be. But nobody, this is my problem. Nobody is talking about the let me me that is, and I struggle exactly. I haven't either until I until I until I kind of deep took a deep dive into it because I'm like, no, don't let them, Like to a point, yes, let them, but don't don't let them walk all over you. Don't let them talk to you like that, don't let them do this to you, don't let them make you feel this way, don't don't let them absolutely not stand up for yourself. Yeah. So again, I haven't read the book. Read what I'm seeing. It gets a little the stuff is like, oh, just you know, that's their thing. Let them No, no, no, no no. She does a better job explaining in the book, I'm gonna let them know what. I'm only seventy pages in, so I'm not. I will just say though, that's all I'm seeing, and I just don't think that's the right thing. Yes, No, I'm gonna like with with my situation with Max, yeah, let them. Okay, fine, there's a piece of that I understand. That's that's who he is. Let them. I can't control that. Let them right, those are things we can't control, certain things that our parents let them that is, those those things. But when there's certain asterisks to all of that, like no, I think you should stand, you should do the X, Y and Z. Maybe she talks about in her books, maybe I will. But why is nobody talking about the let me part? Because that's the part that is still let me part. Well, so it's let them do what they'll do, or but it's not till like these crazy so far from me again only seventy pages in, because I can't really get anything done right now. But it's like the idea of not getting your feelings hurt, right, So, like they take a vacation. One of the examples she uses pretty straight away is like how there's fantas friends of hers that are friend group, and I think we've all experienced this too, where it was like they all take this vacation. She has this feeling of seeing it and they were all her friends, and then she has this moment where she was like very sad, you know, spir really sure, yeah, But then she has a moment of like responsibility, like, but did I keep up with them? Have I checked in with them? Would they know I want to go on this vacation. I've been unavailable here and unavailable there, like at a certain point, you know. And then the let me part is so far essentially like what can you do? What can you adopt in yourself? What can you do to help like change it or can get adjust or get control of it? So it's not your So you're not just yeah, so you're not just going let them? And then because that's not an easy thing to do, there's a resentment comes with let them, yeah, and there's sadness that comes with let them, So it doesn't The let me part is the part I'm kind of in on the book right now, so I'm not even probably explaining it well, but essentially like, then what can you do as a you?
I feel like I'm living this with my thirteen year old right now with all of her middle school friends, and I'm the opposite with which I am not letting them, like let them know, yeah, let them know this is hurtful, let them know you expect more well out of a friendship. Let them know that this is the kind of friend I'm going to be, and I'm sorry, that's what I expect in return for you. I need you to be here for me.
I think that this I think, like anything, everything is kind of getting a little like out of context. But essentially it's like you can do that so many times and if you see this, no, so that's changed than just and that's where we're at.
That's where we're at with it, Like, sure, you can only do so much, you can only stand up for your so much that if things don't change now it is on you.
Yeah.
And that's been our conversation of the last couple of days, Like there's only so much we can do. We cannot control their actions, and now it's on you to walk away, yeah, or continue to get hurt.
You know.
That's so I see both sides of that.
Yeah, they let me is the part that focuses unreclaiming your power by focusing on what you can control, your thoughts, actions and reactions to situations. But I just feel like that should be the bigger that should be. It's like let them know, you know, and and then let me do this. It's like I just think they'll let me should be more of the talking point instead of just being like, oh, let them do it. Yeah, it feels well, and there's a way to do that and be kind.
Yeah, I mean like there's a way to say I mean, we just did it on the podcast not long ago, like hey guys, this was hurtful, instead of just letting it fester and letting.
Yeah, let them make jokes or yeah what I mean you know, I mean that's billy example.
But yeah, but it's like it makes things stronger in my opinion.
Yeah, No, the whole this isn't I really encouraged to read the book.
It does get a little repetitive.
I've seen the clips too, and I have felt the same way we've actually talked about this. I have not read.
I'm a fan of mel and she's been on the podcast. I just from what I've been seeing, I just wish the focus was well, it's also just about like let me let them neither neither did I till I started to more deep dive into it, I'm like, well, why aren't we talking about this piece that is a good points piece that I want to talk about, not just like oh, let them do that. Well, also like the way that presents itself is just like just be passive and let narcisst be narcissist and let you know, abusive people be abusive people, not any level, you know. And that's not what she's saying. She's going like it's in the more. I don't even know that this is not a melan door statement, But to me, it feels more like middle of the road kind of conflicts, not so extreme, like you're just living like kind of normal day to day, middle of the road life, like it left out of the trip or the group chat or the you know or whatever, just don't just take a minute to In my brain, it competes to ownership and honesty and then what can I do to make it feel better for myself. That's how I've interpreted it so far. I still I just I still just kind of go I don't know, I still will would like the other piece, Yeah, it's a let them and for me, yeah, I just wonder how marketable that is. Maybe they'll let them. Is the part that they're just you know, like the titles picking up on ye for sure. Yeah, I mean, because I'm kind of in that situation right now where I'm I'm dealing with trying to text someone at the moment, but I don't. It's like, all right, let them, let them do that. But I'm like, but I want to voice this piece of it because it's bothering me. And that's I guess that's to let me part of you know, boundaries and whatever. But I don't know, girls, I just bothers me to people a disservice. I would want to know.
It might be painful in the moment to hear it, but I would always want to know if it's my child, if it's me, I would much rather be aware than let someone fester over something and me have no idea. Yeah, I mean, hands down all the time. I'd rather that. It may be hard to hear, I may not want to hear it, but if my child is doing something, if I am doing something, please tell me. Because I want to be better. I don't want to hurt people's feelings. I don't want my children to do things I don't. So the let them, I think is for me is if we get to a point if I have voiced my opinion yes, and I have said something, and we're not moving forward and nothing is changing, then it's up to me to let them.
And really the starting story that she begins with is essentially she is a lot of us. So she's in the nicest way, but a type controlling got a little agenda in her brain would like it to go a certain way. And so this let them idea comes from her relinquishing control on a rainy prom day and just allowing something to not be perfect or to not be pristine, and like letting this moment happen where the magic happens. Yeah, so it's not as like, you know, polarizing as it appears to be, and I do.
See where it can be helpful. I think it can be helpful, especially for young girls, like stop trying to like the whole like the whole TikTok thing. That's like stop trying to sit at other people's tables, you know that where you're not Like, I understand that there is a thing where that is helpful for young girls because I've always struggled with that and my feelings still get hurt so easily, And I do think that that can be helpful. Yeah, in a way, I.
Think it's more of a tool unless it is like a law to me, I'm like this is wonderful when it fits, but there's times that's not going to fit.
Yeah for sure.
And yeah, like I've actually it was part of my wine about it was the lack of gracious assumption that people have. And I'm on the receiving end of that right now because I'm in charge of a Daddy Daughter dance that has grown three times its original amount, and I'm hearing the rumor mill, even at a Sweet Little Jesus School of like all these opinions that are just flying about why is it on this night and why is it that? And why is it this? And it's like about thank you for organizing.
It and would you like to help? Yeah?
Yeah, And I think that's like, so the whine about it is me about people whining about it, But really, I just had this moment this week where I'm like, where is the and this is not me, Like, this is not a heroic moment, but this is just case and point. Like in corporate America, I went through trainings where you if you're going to present a problem, you have to present five solutions. Don't come to us without solutions. So when the Daddy Daughter Dance originated for the Sweet School, it was on a weekend. I had a broken hearted daughter. She could not go because her dad has always gone on the weekends. So I said to the school, if there is an opportunity for me to step in and the person wants to step down or anything anyway I can help, I would gladly take on full responsibility if I could shift it to a weekday. Daddy daughter dances in school are on a weekday for ours at least ours a Thursday or Friday. I don't even know that's still that's yeah, there'sday. Friday was ours well. Also from the former events part of me that it's a discounted rate, so it's a smarter way for all of us. Anyway, So I do it. The woman says, please take this great. So I did it last year or whatever, but like just no one else is like so like I did that in order to create a solution. But there's just a lot. I just I feel like we are living in a culture and and part of me I went all the way back in time, actually into the depths of my upbringing, because I grew up with parents that had opinions about everything everything. I remember leaving Thanksgiving and hearing like the bashing of like every single family member and just how like picking people apart. And so that's ingrained in me a little too, and I'm doing my very best too. I almost do it in ways to protect myself. Like Kramer and I talk a lot about like the bottom falling out, preparing yourself, whatever, But like the over analyzing of everyone is like so toxic at this point that I'm just going But we also just have the society that's kind of like perpetuating it, and that is driving me crazy. Yeah with that, And also what's wild is if you actually try to have those conversations face to face, the opinions changed pretty quickly, and so does the tone. No, for sure, you know, like if that like this, I actually got wind of the person, so I just said, hey, I was like heard you had an issue that it's on the Thursday night. I just wanted to let you know, Like I don't feel the need to explain myself, but I will let you know just so that you can kind of maybe fill in everybody else like this is these are the reasons. And I said, and also selfishly, it's on the Thursday, this Thursday, specifically because my husband's home and I want him to be able to take her, and I'm happy to hand it over if you want to do it next year, because it's three hundred and fifty people now, So knock yourself out, you know, like sweetly. Yeah, And she goes, oh no, no, no, no, that wasn't it, And I'm like, maybe that wasn't it. Maybe it was the rumor mo. But also like just a little blanket of kindness for the love of Pete. Yeah, it's some gracious assumption for people.
We're missing a lot of kindness in this world right now.
Yeah. It's like really making me sad. I assume the best to detriment and then you've got people are just assuming the worst automatically. It's like, okay, chick, I was talking to a girlfriend earlier today on my run and we were saying, how wait, you're talking while you're running? Stop are you guys? I like to chat. I don't know. I'm doing that because it keeps it going. But opposite, by the way, for me, I feel like a lot of people will start the conversations going into it heated and angry, but really, you know that might be the person might like you just said, oh no, it wasn't like that. Now, whether it was or it wasn't, maybe you should change your tune in the in the middle of it. But at least if you started heated, there's it isn't. We don't need to start heated. That's something that I've learned too, where it's people to not go straight aggressive with the with the first conversation. Yeah, that's something I've learned. Just like old and I even started to day, I would go, I would have sent that text message that I've been drafting last night right off the get. Yeah, but I'm still waiting. Are we talking about that? Not yet? Okay, we're going to post that one. Yeah, that's a good one though, to pin I think smart.
To Yeah, that's hard for me. I struggle with that. Yeah, I need to hold back sometimes and wait, Well.
I will also. And I'm not blaming let me part, not let that the hormones part. And I'm not blaming this, but this perimid apousal period is harder to bite my tongue or to be slow to speak, or to wait twenty four hours, and it's a very hijacking kind of feeling.
I just feel like I'm getting older and I'm like over all the bullshit.
I know.
So if that is I'm old chicken or egg, let's just let's have here now and decide what we want to do and move on. Like I just don't know.
That's where I'm atah, which is what it's like. I don't I don't want any Yeah, I did it yesterday, Jean, it's just too old for this. I did it yesterday, and I woke up this morning and I was like, girl, should you have saidled that?
Dang it.
Caitlin Bristow Slam's ex Jason Kardik for using her dream baby name for his dog name. I'm making this clear, she says. It's not that I'm not over him, she said, but to get a dog and name that dog my dream baby name that I've had in my baby names for ten years. I even had a text saying to him, I said, you know, I want to name my baby Teddy. And you know, She's like, I know, I seem very angry, but it's more like I don't feel I don't like feeling disrespected, she added, and I feel like a lot of people are going after her right now, you know, making her feel bad about saying that, and everyone's like. What I don't like reading, first of all, is how many women go and attack women in the comment section. That's one thing I just I you know, I'll look at the US weeklies, But the comments is what makes me the saddest thing of all seeing how many women talk crap on the women in those comments, being like Teddy is a common dog name, and this, that and the other and get over it, and you know why are you still talking about it? Well, because it's hurtful. Yeah, And like a woman I have had. I had Jolie as my baby girl name since I was in my early twenties. Jolie was so if if Mike and I ended up, you know, staying broken up when you know she did the first time or whatever, and then he named his daughter Jolie, I would be pissed, furious. That is my name that I have had for years. Almost worse that it's a dog. Well, that's where I feel like it might be a little dig to her. And that's IBOs a dig. Yeah, I mean I don't think.
I don't want to believe that.
But like that, there's a gazillion other names, and I personally.
Claim it dog name. There's a lot of common dog names. I don't know another petty that was not petty and a dig at her. I'm sorry, I don't I would not believe that in the least. You're not in a relationship not know a baby name and name.
Your dog that, and that's a vulnerable space when a woman is talking baby names said, that's vulnerable and that's like dear diary kind of stuff that on purpose. I'm sorry, I don't know. So I so don't want to belie leave that that that's you know, I want to believe that he forgot because men are like, you know, they forget things, and like maybe he didn't.
A crazy coincidence.
Well but I know, but that's the piece. But again, I'm I'm good on coming to her. I just was like devils. I'm like, maybe, but I'm coming to her depends on one thousand percent no matter what, Like that's messed up.
It just hurts.
Has he commented it all? I don't know. So I will say this one thing that I do think, because life is noisy in socials and we're just inundated from like every angle a thousand times, is like sometimes I think we hear things and then don't even realize maybe we heard it, so that would be my gracious assumption. That is Teddy just pinned back in his brain somewhere and then was like, Oh, that's a cute name. I just don't think you forget talking about baby, do you know what I mean? Like, for example, you know, if Alan and I were to have a girl, one of the girl names that Mike and I had was Charlie. If we had a girl, I I would have never named the girl Charlie because that was mine and Mike's yeah baby's name, you know what I mean. But even so, you know, Jolie, Like I just I think it's I mean, this is gonna sound hypocritical now that I say this, but like I feel like she should still be able to use that because it's the woman in the name of the baby that she's always wanted to use. Like, no matter who I end up with, even if I told one dude that I was dating, I want a name her baby. Jolie. I'm naming probably someone's baby or the baby Joy cause that's my name I've always had. Yeah it was your name, now guy had.
But yeah, she looks ridiculous because she's naming her child the same thing as her ex'es dog.
Well, which is so messed up because that's not fair, That's what I'm saying.
So, yeah, we had they not talked about this, think about that, had they not talked about this? She let it go, but like that's her name. Now she can't name her if she either she can't do it or she names her child that and everyone's like, oh my god, she named her child the same thing as her ex'es dog.
Oh yeah, now she's like, now she can't do it. But I just hate thinking up about it and I hate them going after you know, yeah, okay, ladies. The White Lotus storyline sparks debate. I'm the fate of three person friend groups. The question is what do you think of this? And do you think do you think a three person friend group can survive? And I hate to say the answer no, because I think we work great, but I don't think it's a good thing. I outside of us, was really trying to wrack my brain for a three person friend group I have that works like this.
My young trauma says absolutely.
Not absolutely marry and then.
Me Kristin and Ashley and me not this Kristin, Nope, it was terrible and it's not working for my middle school or either.
So no, which doesn't work for my daughter either because it's you know, it's her the two friends and then Jolie in the neighborhood. So I'm like, honey, never it's like gott to go in twos or fours urias, you will always get left out. Yeah, we actually love this.
I do think as adults that are new friends. As adults, I do think it can work. I mean, I think you know. I mean, we're not all like y'all are closer than like me and you are no cat, That's okay, that's not a bad thing.
I really like our relationship, with our relationship, Kristen.
I love it.
So I thought I would be this close to you, Kat. But what I'm saying, I will agree, but you guys are closer.
This isn't bad. I'm saying that you guys.
You're closer than we are.
Exactly, Yes, exactly, I think.
You guys are closer than Kramer and dynamics like that. What are we proving.
This theory right now?
She goes, we're closer than we are.
And you got offended.
No, I don't know. This is why we are, but I guess we're proving no, no, hey, we totally work. She was, hey, hey, hey, hey, here's the deal because when I say some of the best, we all define we.
Are good or we are.
I think we are close on different reasons, like we have a longer friendship obviously, you know. Yeah, we are close on different things. We are close on different things, and I don't think there is a true you know what I mean, Like and we're both there for each other, yep, no matter what. But there are different places where we're closer than each other one hundred percent.
And I think that that's understood very well by all of us. Like I expect y'all to have certain conversations that y'all aren't going to come to me on one hundred percent. I expect us to have different conversations that I'm not going to go to you on.
You know.
It's just so I think it can work, and I think that that's a good example. But in theory, it's usually not a great thing.
It doesn't think a level of I think, yeah, because look at White Lotus for example. I remember, did you watch this season?
Is this the new season?
Season three? Yeah? With Michelle on hand Unleslie. It's so good, but it's you know, the three girls go on vacation and I said, oh, this is going to end them all fighting. You could just tell like they were like, oh my gosh, we haven't been done this in so long. It's been forever. And then it's you know, oh, did you hear that she voted for Trump? Oh did you hear? Did you hear that? Like? How is she cheating on this person? It's so they started to kind of like when they were one on one, they started to then talk about the other person, you know, and then it's like that that dynamic of all and then it's like who's closer to the one person, who's closer to Michelle, who's closer you know? And then it's yeah, it's all that that's funny.
I'll have to watch that.
I think the difference for us, at least I know from my seat Dangerous Territory we're getting as close as well. I just know because you guys have known each other longer. But like I mean, Janna and I holy Matt curled it. I mean that just for my relationship with Cramer, the things that she has been in on with me. Okay, but I was going to say, like I think that if it's ever if one of us has ever talked about when we're not in the room, it's always in again, that kind of like umbrella of like loving and caring about someone like I have never experienced from either of you. You talking talking about either of you without like the highest regard or like you know, like or like a concern. Now, yeah, like Pat and I talked when the divorce was happening, Yeah, sure, outside of you like what are we going to do? How are we going to do this? We do like not all the time, but like but in a way that if you read that, you'd be like these girls had my back, yeah, you know, but also going like okay, we need a minute to like sidebar and just out of protection or like what's the plan or like you know, what's really going on? Like your boots on the ground and I well.
And she was you're our glue. I mean like we're why, You're why we came together. So I feel like that's when me and you kind of got closer. It was like what are we going to do for her?
I think they actually by definition is called trauma bonding.
Well, yeah, it's crazy, So you trauma bonded us.
But like even when we travel, you like to go do the gym in the morning.
I stay into emails. Oh wait, we do breakfast.
Cut.
I almost stipp to prevent it. I know it's coming. I'm so sorry we do breakfast.
Yeah, Like, I just I think it's about maturity in the way that we all know what we need and we all love each other so fully that like that's why it can work that way, and we know when to protect each other even when we've been out on the road and we've breached topics on stage and we have seen the look, we're like and that's good and we protect each other. Yeah. Yeah, Has there ever been a point though in this trio that someone's felt left out? Now we know the joking of that one piece, but has it left out though? Right? But has there has there ever been a point where you have felt left out or you felt left out or I could feel left out, but I don't. Okay, tell fair, are we further proving than it's doomed?
But I'm gonna need to know no, just because.
Of like managerial wise, like you guys have friends long, we have a whole friend group that I only know of through you. But so yeah, like I'm not tied to glue, you know from that. Yeah, well you're my Sarah Brice Glue. Like they're like, it's all yeah, but I don't. But again, I also just know y'all love me like I wouldn't and if it really ever hurt my feelings, I would say it and I know that you would feel sad and so yeah, but I don't. I've never heard whatever I ever have talked about each other because we have, right, it's all based out of love, you know what I mean, Like when you could really like I just wish she would get the help that she deserves and needs, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, so it's like when we do talk, Yeah, it is based out of love. Like there's never any time where I wouldn't want you to, Like you could scroll through my phone and I can be like, well I said that because this, you know, trust and.
Maturity cannot think of And I am probably the most sensitive on this in this room. I think you think Sondred percent ask her, really, this might be.
The first time I've never been the motive that you're the most emotional, But she's the most sensitive. That's very different.
Yeah, now that now that's the most up and down of them all.
I don't know, but I can truly not think of a time with us three that I've felt left out. I have felt left out of group things before, but it has as a whole several times. But that has never been something out of this group. It's never been something that you've been doing or something that you've been doing. It's been again unintentional.
Probably there's a maturity you have because I remember even I feeling is get hurt. No no, no, oh oh okay, oh no, my feelings got hurt.
I tryed to her every time.
But like I remember even the first time, this is actually like pretty like this is in my brain, stuck in my brain. That's how I know. Like it was a moment where I just like saw you differently and like mature where I was. We were talking about Love's birthday party years ago. Oh yeah, and you're like, i'll see you later at Love's birthday parties.
One did yeah that was hard.
Oh yeah, well you didn't act like it so hard for me. So then I was like, oh, I was like yeah, and then you go, well I see you there and you were like, no, no, no, no, we don't invite each other to our kids' birthday parties. That's really that's that's me. And I was like defense mechanism, Well that was one of the moments.
So glad that you thought I was mature. I am actually the least mature in those situations, if I'm being completely honest.
Right now, we've also we're coming into that age where like the kids are picking there and it's less about who we want.
There a hundred like I know that my.
Cat, you you really presented well, I have to tell you to the.
Probably knows.
This is one of those times. Well this is why so the other so last week when we got done podcasting, I know I've mentioned the sauna.
Thing to you, but I was like, it's because I was like.
We were going in the sauna, and I was like, I didn't actually say hey because we were on the phone talking about I was like, oh after because I was on the treadmill and running or whatever, and I was like, hey, after this, I'm gonna you know, sauna. You're like, oh, shoot, I'd love to, and so we'll just do after the podcast. But then I didn't even though I've mentioned it to Kat, but I didn't mention that we were like we were sonning. So when we were going downstairs, I was like, because I was like, I don't want her not to feel left out, right, you want sauna?
Yeah you know? I was like, I know that, Like I.
The threes, the three that's right there, the threes. So I'm emotional and oblivious. Okay voted most likely I.
Thought you were oblivious. I try to act like it doesn't bother me, but I know her well enough to know, and she just knows. You guys are closing. And then I'll cry, it's fine.
Because we're closer. There you go, Okay, Okay.
So we just really proved that theory.
Moving on to my three wind down ladies, you've helped me through so many tough moments in my life and continue to do just that. I'm currently trying to navigate through a tough relationship with my partner while also being postpartum, and boy, it's a rollercoaster. There has been some broken trust in our relationship on his part, and it started with him just making inappropriate comments about other women in front of me, which made something in my gut tell me to look through his phone. Oh MAKEE sick. Long story short, there was something there every time I looked, from videos and pictures of onlyfan girls to actual messages to some women and even meeting inappropriate women, went out with his friends and adding them on social media. I heard him out and tried to move past it because there was no because there were no messages about him actually meeting up with any of these women that I saw. And at the time, I was also pregnant and didn't want to make and didn't make that much money, so that comes with its own set of fears. Fast forward today, my son is ten months old. There's a lack of intimacy and respect, including verbal disrespect at times. He's changed the password to his phone, which only makes me think the worst is happening. I've got in a couple's counseling, but he doesn't seem to want to try and change his behavior. I would love any advice on how to navigate. Listening to girls helps me so much. Exo, Damn, I resonate with so many points of this, and I'm being protective of a lot of I'm trying to be protective of my own marriage because it has not been perfect. But I resonate so much with so many pieces of this. There's one key piece that, if my hindsight can lend it is that men stay and boys leave, and there has to be a responsibility and a maturity of someone actively wanting something the same way you want it. Anything to change if you're taking the steps and you're going to counseling and you're telling him so it's not out of lack of communication or vulnerability, and there's still no change, in fact, negative change to the way we're like changing passwords. That feels to me. I also don't want I hate saying something that somebody might not want to hear. But if I had to be thirty thousand feet just based on my own experiences and then how I know it can change if the other person wants to change, or wants to own up, or wants to be honest. I don't. I don't love how that feels for her, and I don't love the trajectory that it feels like for me for her.
Did he own up to it? Did she say I.
Don't think you had a choice because she looked hard at ith.
Yeah, but they still, you know, make excuse to make excuse me the moment you go through their stuff, I feel.
Like, I mean, y'all know where I stand on this, and I hate this for her. I mean, it's awful and I'm so sorry. I just think that first and foremost changing the password the fact there should be open communication. There should be open trust and transparency with passwords. If he has a problem giving you the password, that's a big problem in my eyes, that's not okay. That to me lends that he's got some bad behavior going on that he doesn't want you to see. I also think to listen to your gut, because your intuition is always going to lead you there. You know, if you think something's going on, most likely there is. And if he's doing something and respecting you like that right now and continues to then this is a pattern and not just a one time thing. So and I don't like the fact that he's not really open to really changing his behavior. So I think if he doesn't share his password with you, if he's not trying to make steps to prove his change behavior and showing you those steps, then I mean I would I wouldn't be too hopeful for unfortunately, like I hate that, And also I always tell people that that reach out and that I have conversations with on on Instagram. It's you know, I hate hearing the stories and I'm so sad for them, and I'm also so excited for their new future and when they get to experience the kind of love that I've now experienced, or that you know, the or just like you're own, even like just not being in something that is like that. I mean, to have not only respect for yourself and the love for yourself and your kids, but to not to not be questioning what your man is doing is a very freeing thing and something that we all we should we that's something we should think twice about, right, Yeah. So yeah, I think mourning the loss of someone, the idea of someone, or mourning the loss of someone that's still alive is probably the hardest human thing to do. So probably the perception or the idea she had of him what is hardest to break up with, Like I think is I'm wondering even how she felt as she typed that, like, because it starts to get real when you put it into words. Yeah, and also add the postpartum layer. Oh, that's it's awful. That's not fair. Also, and that's another piece that he should just still be more protective and loving on her. And the verbal disrespect not okay, none of none of any of that is okay, it's not you know, it's not your fault. He shouldn't be acting that way. And also I've thought about this a lot too. There are certain people that I know that have girlfriends and sometimes that I'll look at their followers, the type of women that they're following. I'm like, how mm hmm, that's not I don't think that's respectful to any relationship to have these men, husbands, boyfriends following these really inappropriate pages like that. So there's that piece of it. Also, my therapist sent me something arth sorry, our therapist sent me something the other day as a thought. She said, for now, She's like two simple words. She's like, if you're having anxiety, it's four now. It's not forever, it's just four now. And so while you're going through this for now, like you can also like, it won't be like this in a year if you make changes, and you know, he can stay like that forever, but you don't have to. You don't have to be held captive to that. So for now, it's gonna be really hard, but it won't be like that forever. Yeah, whatever you need is me is just his unwillingness to change. It sounds like that's the part, because it takes a lot for a postpartum, especially like we're just flooded, you know, and to say what you need and to try to get help and to take someone a couple's counseling and to still feel like that just makes me feel sad. That's not fair. Yeah, no, I agree with you so and that sucks, and please reach out on DMS. I got your girl, all right, ladies, I think I will be ready to unpin two really big things next week. Okay, they're big, so stay tuned. I mean it's I'm gonna probably get emotional, but they're very big. Oh okay, do I know of them? Neither one of you know both of them? Of I'm sorry one you know one, but the big one you don't know about.
Man, I can't wait a week.
You gonna have to me. Are we good?
Are we good?
For you?
We all?
I don't know. I feel really I feel really sad about the birthday party. We'll talk about it offline. I don't even remember so well you were invited so you wouldn't remember, all right, on that note, see you later, by bye.
