That Thing You Did with Johnathon Schaech

Published Apr 18, 2022, 2:59 PM

On a very special Whine Down, Jana reconnects with her ex husband Johnathon Schaech. 

Witness the emotional moments as Jana and John look back on their relationship and how they helped each other heal after their marriage ended. 

And, Jana confronts John about the infamous wedding photo tweet! 

Wind Down with Jane Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast. Okay, Hi, I don't mind our like pillow talk voices Jason everything in the other room. It does sound like the lad talk because it's like, Hi, welcome to wind down. This is Janne and Catherine. Really beautiful, by the way, Thank you, so do you? I feel like we both wore makeup. We did. It's just a new thing we try sometimes. Um, I wrapped the movie yesterday. I can't believe that that was so fast. Well usually, I mean, yeah, I filmed it was Usually they do it in fifteen sixteen days. We did in fifteen, which is just insane. But um, this was like the first time I wasn't in every I wasn't in every scene, Like I wasn't number one. So I didn't work all day. And it's funny because I was telling my hair and make it people, and it's like it's it's harder to be there only for a few scenes then like all day because I'm like I want to go home, you know where. It's like when you know you have to be there all day, it's like you've already just like accepted you have to be there all day. Yeah. Yeah, Um, and I'm like, oh, you switched the scenes like what I wanted, you know, so, but it was I had so much fun. I had like that cast was so cool, Mario was awesome. The dancing I kind of messed up on like the last day with a dancing that just I'm not good at hip hop. I'm just to do hip hop again. Yeah, I know, but Spencer was there. It was like a great choreographer who helped us. But it's still I'm just like, for some reason, like my hips don't move well. And I feel like you're either good at hip hop or you're good at like lyrical ballet type. Like it's just two different types. Yea, And I feel like I'm way better at Yeah, you're great at whatever that is, lyrical jazz, one of those contemporary and I scared her battery and I know, but that was so I hope. I hope when people watch it they're not like she's a dance teacher mary an actress first, Okay, Okay, that's good. Um, but it was. Yeah, it was a lot of fun and I yeah really pumped for you guys to see it because it was it was really fun to make. So I hope it turns out. I hope you try. So you're in lifetime. Lifetime, it's a wonderful lifetime and it'll be obviously you know, Christmas time. So and Mario was cool. Mario was so cool. Um yeah, we didn't like it was you know, good chemistry. We um, we had fun together, Like we laughed a lot. I'll probably say he's like my favorite. I think he's one of my favorite co stars I've ever had. Like he's really cool. Um, he is so busy, so it's hard at times to be like all right, Mario, like come on, Like he's got like a million different things he's doing so that, but now he's really great. He's a good scene partner. And we would be like, hey, so, um, can we tell each other if it sucks so we can do it again. So he'd be like does it suck? And I'm like, I think you do better and then you would do the same for me. But like I loved it because um, when we did do good, like we knew that the person meant it. He's good. So that was that was really fun. So um good. And then yeah, a few other things I'm not ready to talk about yet. Okay, I haven't I haven't seen you in a while. I know, I'm lay a minute. It's I feel like whenever I do movies, It's like, I know, I feel like I have we have to have like a two week catchup, three week catch up. There was something else I was going to say, and now I can't remember, but I know, riveting conversation. Um, how are you though? Everything good? I'm good? Yeah, yeah, there's really nothing new in my world. So we have an in person guest today. This is who is gonna be good? Katherine's like, where's my popcorn? I brought it? Um, So we are going to have Jonathan check on the show. Um, who I technically married? How many years ago? With that technically married? Oh gosh, I'm gonna look it up for twelve something like that. We were only married for about a week. Um we had and then and then. But the whole people that have been like avid listeners have wine not obviously know that. Um My, one of my best friends, part of our queendom, in our group chat is his wife Julie Solomon. Um. And there was like a little hiccup that happened with mine John's relationship, and so we just and I had written him an email. I mean, we we'll explain it. But long story short, we're going to have him on the show, and it's going to be in a men's show because y'all have not talked since Nope, I mean we've talked since obviously, like the now yeah were good and then they were yah yeah, and which we talked about on the pot like yeah, well, and then I'll kind of refresh people the memory with that. Um, oh my god, did you see the US weekly thing about the mommy shammer? They put it on yours? Yeah, I mean I saw what you posted. They put on this weekly. They did because they were like I actually was like happy with the fact that they like there were so many kids, you know, like people are really mean to me. I'm on those comments. I was like, oh god, here we go. They're gonna tell me how bad of a mom I am. But then there were so many people that were like, you know, when your kid is sick, like I can't cancel filming. I called them and was like, Hey, is there any way to move around the scenes so I can spend the morning with her because my ex couldn't get her. Um, and I'm like, I don't have a family. When I was sick, I'd get dropped off at like my grandparents or like my aunt will come over. And that was the funny time when she tried to make tapioco in the food those uh, the spoon gots stuck in the tapioca, because you'd know how to make it. Became know, it's like my one thing I knew when I'm sick. Um. But it's like when the current girls like she's dumping her off it like her friends, like your terrible mom basically for not taking off work. Most people can't take off work like that. I can guarantee the majority of people who work normal jobs cannot just call in sick. They can't. I mean they have a certain amount of sick days. I mean that happens all the time. So that Mama, I want to do well. It's the thing that like kind of baffles me about the whole situation is like when I read it, and there was like one or two other ones too in the d m S about just being like why wouldn't you and like why isn't her dad. It's like listen, like he has a job too, and he you know, he couldn't get her um And you know, my day. So I had to figure it out and I was going to take her to set with me, but at the same time she's puking, So I'm like, godly, this is you know, so thankfully like Pamelin you know, came to the rescue for that. But when I looked at the name and it said like mama of Angel, I was like, why is it that any hate I ever get is from other moms because they think that they have it all figured out? But that just like baffles me. I'm fine with a few dms or people are like, hey, f y, I like the child, like you know, seat needs to like the head, and I'm like, okay, cool, like thank you, you know, it's not really shaming me. It's more like you're trying to just be like helpful that sometimes yeah, Jay's strap thing is a little like lower than maybe it should or higher or whatever. Um. But when it comes to like straight up like just like how could you or why would you do? And like and it's always from a mom. It's always been moms like what I don't understand why why? Here's the thing? Like I don't agree with Kristen that she co sleeps, but I would never like and I'm like, it doesn't work for me, but hey, if it works for you, Like I don't think it's like but something I say, I don't want to agree with it, but I'm like, that just doesn't doesn't work for us. I'm not going to shame her and be like, oh, you shouldn't be doing that because your kid's going to have you know, this, that or whatever, Like, no, that's if it works for you. Cool. It doesn't work for you, great, Okay, if you got to go do that, great, Like, and then I started to think about something's coming up where I might have to be away from the kids for a little bit, and I'm like, well, here we go. Like I'm starting like the shaming comes from like the fear of the other mom shaming me, Like your shame comes from other freaking moms. I'm like, how cool is that? Yeah, it's terrible. Yeah, I don't know why they do it. I don't understand. I really don't. I do think to an extent, people think, obviously, because your life is out there obviously, that they can just say whatever they want to say, you know, but people have to stop that, Like it's just they can't just don't know the shaming, and it's getting better. I feel like people are definitely more aware of that. But online, you know, people hide behind the messages. You just have to not let it get to you. Just like like you told me, don't read the don't read the comments. Yeah no, yeah, I just it just it honestly makes me sad that, like moms are that judgmental. Yeah, I mean, and it's been since I've had kids from the I don't how dare I not make real food for my children? And I have gave them glass bottles of food like remember that. I'm like, I was so excited to go buy those baby food jars because like first time mom, getting the jars, like putting them on the thing. I was like, I'm real food, Like yeah, okay, I don't have time to like make the blended smooth and food like I just didn't. I tried, I got it all, got all the things to make the real food, and I'm like, this is stressing me out. I can't do this. I think you just have to stay in solid in your decisions. It's kind of like the breast milk versus breastfed versus bottle fed, Like I bottle fed and had formula, and I was like, you know what, I don't care what anyone says. And I mean I had all my own family being like, why are you not breast fading? Because I don't want to. You just have to like it's tough, but stop the judging. I think I just heard the doorable rings. So let's take a break and get our guests on. Okay, welcome everybody. Jonathan Shack onto the podcast. Everybody. Um, So I didn't really give like a I didn't really give, and I said, um, kind of this should be like that people know Julie cause I've had Julian on the show Bunch your wife, my bestie, um, my part of my queendom. And so I've i've kind of what we just said, like that we were all friends and um we were married for a hot minute. Um. And then so where do you want to start? I want to start? Yeah, where do you want to start? Oh, when you were in the bathroom stall of that reality program? Do you know this? So she you were on a what was it or something like that. We're going all the way back then, Okay, I can, I can, I can hang with that. We're starting from this is the beginning of our courtship. We were going to start there. Let's just go back to we were both on prom Night and your your grandmama and your father? What were they on the set? No? Dad, it was your dad was definitely my dad? Was there? Your grandma? I don't remember that at all. Okay, Well, all I remember is I think I was. I was like twenty five six, like I don't know it was. And Jonathan, um it was the killer in prom Night spoiler alert if you haven't seen it. And um, I just remember going like, oh my god, that's the hot guy from that thing you do. Because I grew up on that show. You know, he was the I quit guy. So, um, it was a movie, not a show. Okay, Well don't they call them all shows now? Movies? No? No, okay, maybe that's the lingo it was. It was a Tom Hanks film. It was a Tom Hanks film. It was a kind of like a cult classic in a way. It's grown, it's always continues to grow. People love that movie. It's a feel good films. So people can watch it the same as if they watched it years ago. Can we before we get into the other stuff? Can Because I just remember the story from that thing you do and how you actually got that part? Can you just sell that like that you basically made up that last part. So the lines were I quit and he left the band and I chose to in the audition room and oppretendingly there was a microphone and I was like I quit quit something like that, because yeah, I was a singer, so of course, like naturally like you took that solve the script and was like, I'm gonna sing that. And that's when they you're trying to get a coach acting lesson out of this. I am. I haven't really missed the acting lesson. Just tell you if anything that the men's will do, I really need you to start teaching coaching me. Um. Yeah. So I sang it and Tom just I was just run out of the room. Yeah. So I also not only did I sing it, and then I knew that the energy was like I connected and reflected him perfectly right in that moment. So I I left the room, I closed the door, and he come running after me. It was really cool. Where are you from? Kid? Something like that. It was like, where are you from? Kid? I got you? Oh East, there we are. There's Jimmy, I'm I'm such a big that thing you do really excited about this. I had to show off my my playtone record. I have the the single and that thing you do uh with Jimmy there on the cover. We uh. We recently had a twenty fifth anniversary and we went to Erie, Pennsylvania, where the film was set in. I drove up to Lexi, Kentucky, picked up Steve's on Tom RBIs, Scott met us and we drove all the way to Erie, Pennsylvania because the Eerie, Pennsylvania has a smnor League ball club called the Erie Sea Wolves, and they changed their name to the Eerie Wonders for one day. It was so much fun. That is so cool. Wait so eastern. I didn't know that you were like a secret. That thing you do it is. It is one of my favorite, like top three favorite movies. I another Thing by Heart and Janna, I don't know if you remember this, but when we first started work on the podcast, I asked, I was like, Okay, I want to know is the was the I quit part in the script or not? Oh? I think I told you that it was. You told me and I was just like, oh my god, I'm just blown away. I I think, I like, Jimmy is such an interesting character and it's such a fun part of the movie. And uh, I don't know. I just I've seen it so many times and I know you probably got this all the time. I'm just a really big fan of that performance. Appreciate that. And if you guys haven't seen that thing, you do watch it because it is one of my and your kids can watch it. Yeah, I mean the part when they hear them on the radio for the first time, like it's still to this day, Like I smile so big, Like it's such a cool What was it like when you've heard your first song on the radio? We were in the car, you were with me. Yeah, the first time I heard why you Want to? We remember, like I was. We were in the one on one. I can't remember. Yeah, I think we were on the one on one Los Angeles, which was amazing. It was it was it was that moment. Yeah, yeah, but no, it's it's pretty cool. But yeah, that's such a good movie. Um, Okay, So anyways, we met um on that movie, but you had just kind of gotten out of a previous marriage, so I was very much like wanting to like chase you. Yeah, and you're like, I'm never getting married, like and I'm just like, oh no, but choose me, like love me. You would stand outside my door and just constantly knock on the door. I was like, God's girls crazy. Oh my god, I feel so bad for her. She's so lovely and wonderful and she doesn't know that about herself. It did not know. And she was so pretty. Remember I had like two outfits. It was so borne when you moved in cut two, when she moved in. The closet. I never forget when I opened their closet and clothes there was hardly any clothes in there, and you know, we had to go somewhere, and I was just like, you're so used to my ex like having this. Well, he was married, and I say he was married to Christina Applegate previously. So I mean, of course she's ginormous star, and so she had a bigger closet, a lot more clothes, and and Jennen had no clothes. No. But then, um, so you were very thrifty and you had really good taste in your clothes. Though, thank you, I appreciate it was very by the way, he says that, and they were all forever twenty one. So I think, yeah, I definitely was like on the track of like wanting to be like chosen and loved, and um we ended up getting married. Well there was a long road. It was a long road. Well here's the thing. Like when I was on can You Duet? Like I was calling him in the stall, going John, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do, Like they chose me and not Diana, like you know what do I do? And you were you were the one that you You were the one that got me in singing. Remember I know I'm a reflector. Yeah, like you were like I brought out your greatest and he goes, I will propose to you when you learn Angel from Montgomery on guitar. And I went home and I was like, how am I gonna learn this as fast as I get on guitar? Make me an angel? Yeah from Montgomery? And so I was just like yeah, I just I wanted that, and um, but we ended up. Yeah. One of the times was I had we have broke up a good zillion times because it called Christina every two days. I need Christina once or twice when we were fighting, I might have got upset and said Christie because it was she was completely you were my Christina. I was trying to fill that void of my broken heart that I so I would accidentally call you by that name when we really would get angry at one another, and you'd be like, see, I think that's it, that's it, but I think we're going to do with me everything. And you know there's truth to that. So that was the one thing that I really wanted to tell you, is that I try to make you something that you weren't. I wasn't healed, I hadn't taken time to heal myself from that broken heart, and and I I just wanted you to shine and not me to shine at the same time. And I was so happy that I was able to do something with you that brought out these qualities that you had, but I forgot about me and that's not fair to you. And I think I'm the thank you for saying that. But I think also on that was I was trying to fill a void and there was no way you could have ever filled my need for love and my respect for myself and love for myself. Like I was just always wanting to be loved and desired and chosen. And you could have chosen me ten times over, but I had to choose myself before. Yeah, you know, and that's why we were always unfortunately, we were two very unhealed souls that came together kept licking each other's wounds. Yeah. And and I think there's something beautiful about like recognizing that and seeing that and knowing that, like, yes, I hurt you in many ways, you hurt me in many ways. Um, and we can both go. But we're not bad people. No, you know, we had wounds that needed to be healed and um, and we needed to do growth separately and so and I've always felt bad about that. And so I remember I reached out to you when I was married to Mike. This is before I found out about the affairs and stuff. I said, hey, do you mind if I email my ex Jonathan because I just have a lot of I was like, I don't like negative energy out in the universe, and I just I feel bad for some of the things that I did in that relationship and I just want to say I'm sorry. And so I emailed you. What did you do? What? What did you do? What? Do you what do you emailed you? Yeah, that's about what about which time? Where are we? This is just before Dancing with the Stars. Well, I don't know what that is. When before when I was married to Mike, and this was before I found up, before cheating, so you got there's like there's been so many layers of that. I mean, come on, just track before Okay, yes, before I was Jolie was maybe two months old. Okay, okay, we're there because you moved to l A again. Yes, yeah, that's you reached out because you wanted more coaching, you wanted my acting. But I really do have an audition coming up for Netflix, and I really wanted so I really could use your help. Um, but no, so but I emailed you and you wrote back and you were just like, I'm married and not that I wanted to get Obviously I was married too, but I just wanted but you were just wasn't received, which is okay some people maybe just the relationship. You didn't want to. And then she wind up being in front of my house and I come out down the dryway, kid, you not, I walked, I come out of my house. I walked down the driveway and there's Channa across the street. She's looking at house. Why didn't get the house and cross not? Did that not? Have that happened? Well? It did, But can we back up for something? Just like I was like, okay, all right, all right, chees here again at my door. No, but you when you found out the first time about Mike having an affair, so, um, I don't know any of that. You emailed me and you said I heard you got Dancing with the Stars. I'm really sorry about your husband cheating on you. I know you have a beautiful baby, and if you need anything, I'm here for you and my wife. And I just remember being so thankful in that moment because I was going to l A with my four month old daughter. My ex was in rehab, and well I didn't say about Mike cheating for sure, because I would never say that. I just knew that you could need help. Ye yeah, yeah, yeah, Like I'm sorry, I heard what happened and I'm sorry and that you may need some help. If you need some help, you're coming in l A, yep. And so he's like, if you need any baby stuff, and I'm like, I don't know how long I'm gonna be on Dancing with the Stars. So I was like, yeah, I would love a crib so my Jolie doesn't have to be in a pack and play. You know, this will be great. And he's like, so my tour manager gotten in contact with his wife Julie, and pretty much I haven't left Julie side since then. We just hit it off. She's the coolest chick in America. She's so much fun. And you guys were then. You guys became family. You helped Mike and I with things, and I mean I remember one of our sessions, but Mike and I got into a fight. Like Julie picked him up underneath the King he was walking and she was like, why don't you call an uber? And he's like, I can't. I have a flip phone. She's like I was Mike was walking down the street. Oh my god. He was just like devastated. I didn't know what to do. I was like, kids, hey, okay, doesn't mean to go get him, you know. But I mean we became I mean, Jolie became best friends with Camden, your son. Um, we lived less than a mile apart from each other. Um, we would have dinners. You would help me with auditions. You were in the hospital with me when jays was six months six weeks old getting a spinal tap because Mike had to stay with Jolie and Julie couldn't come, And so You're like, I'm there because I'm like I don't want to be alone. And you came and like we were like this in the hospital, they take Jay's they closed the curtains. Kid you not, they closed the curtains and they wouldn't let her anywhere near him. Yeah, and I I, you just were a ball of some motion and it was I held you while he was getting toward you, screaming like I didn't know about that. That was insane. That was really really sad. Yeah, poor little boy. UM. But all that to say, like, and then we shared a moving truck from Los Angeles to Nashville. Um, and then we had the We moved to Nashville, Tennessee on the same day and we flew on the same flight. Remember I do not know if that was planned from you doing Julie or but I just remember being in the seat going no one could you could write this, you could like this is so freaking bizarre that we were moving to Nashville, Tennessee, at the same time, on the same day, on the same flight, with the same moving truck, with our things altogether. But that's how cool, Julie, And that's you know, we were all like friends and it was family, which I think when I saw and this is where we then had How long ago was that? Um it was overy almost a year and a half ago. Yeah, where you tweeted something about our you tweeted our wedding photo. Oh yeah, so Cannon came Cannon saw that. I don't know worry I saw him the phone, I think, or the pad, you know how the pad and the phone kind of magnified. They had the same thing on him that came up, and he was just asking a lot of questions about you and me. And I just said on Twitter, which I use like almost like um, it's just it's like a texting I either put all my thoughts in my feelings on there. I just put out there. I don't have the kind of fan base or fans that you have. Uh and uh. I didn't think anything would ever come of it. I thought that maybe one day you and I would actually have a conversation about what that was all about, and Uh. Yeah, So I included you because it's not like every day you've you see that and had that experience. I was like, it was something we're really gonna have to tell our to talk to our children about not only you, but I have to talk to her, Camden and Lily about Christina, you know, because there there's a lot of um gossip out there. And then I saw what the reason I reached out. I saw that, um and I saw it, but it was like you, this podcast was you getting back your voice because of all the people talking about you and all the things that they talked about you all the time. Because they talked about you all the time. Yeah, So I thought, well, I didn't really realize that that was what this was for, and that I think I'm in the space to be able to to talk about those things because I am rewriting the end of my story and you were a big help in me getting to that place. UM, And so I thought we should talk about it. Mhm. I mean yeah, I mean, I'm I agree. And I also I felt like when I saw the you know what, like her, when I saw what you had said about our I call it up our party, part our wedding it was a party the end of the day, like we weren't. Yes, we were technically married, but like it was a party that I brought my grandma, I know, and I know that like her like, but we both like that we would have never made our marriage work because we weren't the right person for each other. Like Julie is your person to the day you die, like you guys are meant your souls are meant to be together. We were two lost souls trying to fill that void those pieces. Jenna, You're an incredible human being. I wanted wanted that to be part of my life. I thought that you would heal me and make my life better, and I thought I had to marry you to get that. So it wasn't just a party to me. I know, we really fought on trying to get the pastor um and get an understanding of what we were doing. And it wasn't just about the got US magazine, US Weekly or whoever was covering it and paying for most of it. Um. It was. It was much deeper for me. But you know, I think that we weren't ready and we you know, my father, my friend Clifton, they're all like you. You can't see what we can see. And it's nothing to do with you. It was about me. You're not You're not there to to you know, have that connection like I am there now Julie, because Julie can really I reflect something differently than Julian and she's a she's a perfect partner for me, and we've had children, so that grounds it a lot more. But yeah, I was I wanted the best in our marriage. I really wanted to make it work well. And I'm sorry that I wasn't able to be anywhere near what you what I could have helped and loved, I wouldn't. I would have been a disaster with like I was never I had so much work to do on myself, and that was, you know, unfair of me to not notice that before I took you know, your family to UM Michigan. And you know, I think it's one of those things were you can I know, at least I can look back now and know that obviously everything worked out the way that it was meant to. But you know, I definitely feel bad about anybody that I heard along the way, including you and your family and UM, you know, the this stuff that we know we talked about the tweet and and all of that, and and for me, I was kind of like, I didn't. I never looked at it as something where it was a bad memory. I looked at it as a memory that it was a memory, and it was in that moment it felt really good. But when I look back, it wasn't. I wasn't there, if that makes sense. I was there, yeah, I know, me and Sophie were there. Sophie does sweet little baby, So I guess, like when I had reached out for the fifth dem ends after the whole Twitter thing again, I'm like, Julie's my best friend, Like, I don't want it to be weird. I need acting lessons. I know, I'm like when kidding kind of um, but you know you were just like no, because I hate I hate that energy. Like even when we were celebrating Julie's birthday, I'm like, oh, God, like if John shows up, like, I don't want this to be weird because we had the falling out over the talking about it on the podcast, the Twitter and the photo and that it really has nothing to do with that tweet. I'm certain of that. I think it had to do with the fact that, um, I had never really healed from the trauma of my life, and I kept trying to band aid it and I didn't. I couldn't recognize it and I couldn't know what it was and fake it till you make it. I was trying always, and I just had this deep wound inside that after you know, after after my first marriage, I just never healed. I was supposed to be, okay, was on all the tabloids. You know, people go through divorces all the time. And I never healed. And that trauma was such um traumas a time traveler and you know this. And I don't know if you really do know this. And I always wanted to get to heal so that you would know this. But it's a time traveler. So when we don't address it, it comes and gets us in the end. And uh, So my marriage was connected to my career, everything about my work. It was you know, Christina's an actress. We were in the limelight. I loved her so much. I still love her so much. I'm not I don't think Julie will ever be offended that I would ever say that I loved her, and uh and I loved you. Yeah, she's got a lot more um ability to to hear that, right, um, but I just never I never healed from Christina, and I don't. I finally was starting to realize how broken my heart was, and when you did that, I was trying to band aid it. And I'm lucky to be alive. I did not take good care of myself after that. I thought the same thing had happened again, and I was I was a victim, you would say to me, But I was wounded and I was hurt, and I I'm just lucky to be alive, and I'm grateful to have an incredible family with two beautiful children that I love more than anything, and I'm lucky to be alive from that experience. So when I said no, I finally standing up for myself because I recognized that Julie wanted your friendship and it was important, and I felt that it was important because she didn't have any friends in California. You didn't have any friends in California. And we made that little unit together, all of us. But when we're here, I have Julie's family were raising these children. And when I brought that up about Camden, recognizing and seeing that we were we were more than just friends. I thought it was really important for us to talk about it, and it shouldn't be just in the tabloids. It should be a deeper conversation. But Twitter maybe a tabloid ish gossiping thing to some people, but to me, it's saved my soul. Um. And uh, you can follow me to learn more about Twitter and my experience with Twitter. Yeah, so that's when do you think that you finally healed from your first marriage? Almost five years ago? When h July seven, when I decided that I would never hate myself again, that I gave up shaming myself. Did you shame yourself for the marriage not working out or shame yourself because it didn't where what was the shame? The shame was about. The shame definitely stem from that being enough, But that not being enough was my childhood learning differences, being dyslexic and not being able to compete in certain areas of education. Uh, my father try to take his own life. It was a complete reflection of UM, my childhood trauma. Um, and that I never ever healed from that. And then it was from being molested on this nine nine two, my very first screen test for director named Franco Zeffarelli and not being able to recognize what that was and how I allow that to happen. Um, those three very deep places in me. I have recognized that's where all the shame comes from. And I have given up hating myself or thinking less of myself, um, and finally able to love myself. Because I was on a baseball field. I was coaching my little little little boy. Yeah, and it's just a little league coach, And I was like, why why do I think I'm not enough to coach these little leaguers? What is that all about? Why? It's just like I couldn't understand why I hated myself and I had such pity and low self esteem. And my mom kept saying, why don't you believe in yourself? John? Just so much? And I started to really look at that, and I recognized it as shame that that I'm guilty of doing anything wrong. I've done a lot wrong things in my life, and I've done a long wrong wrong to you. Um. And a lot of my friends would be like, you should really just tell her you're sorry, And I think I have numerous times, but I never understood where they were coming from. And that shame is not that I did anything wrong, that I am what I felt that I was wrong. So it wasn't that I did anything wrong, is that I was wrong. And so every time I drank, did drugs, add sex or you know, a liaison with anyone. UM, I was just trying to band aid these things in me that just we're haunting me, that wanted me to take my own life and uh on the little good field. One day I realized that my son deserves so much more, so much more of me, and I needed to show up and I have. I showed up fully every day for the last five years, almost five years now. Well, thank you for sharing that. I mean, I know a lot of things you said in that too. There's so many people that have shame, that hold onto shame. I mean, I know my AX dealt with holding onto shame and that will eat you alive and destroy everything in its path. And it's a cancer. It causes that I've had that happen to my UM, with my people in my life. The shame is so strong that they're manifest into something. You know, You've got to think our bodies just like it's watered fluid. We're always moving and if we one of these things, you know, like my throat. I had a serious problem with my throat from not having my voice for so long, and it's gonna manifest if you hold on into it, it's going to kill you one way or the other. Yeah, I mean that's I did this thing in my therapy session the other day because it's it's a um been a year since I filed for divorce um today actually, And my therapist made me put these rocks into this bowl of water, all of all the things that I have still been like holding onto and um, and I she's like, now carry the bowl and I was like it was so heavy, and then you know, she made right on all the rocks to the things that like I was like holding onto. And then we took the rocks out of the water and then I held the bowl and I was like, I just feels so much better, you know, just having that that weight lifted and the lightness. And it's like, why are you carrying all these pieces that they're not for you anymore? There's yah things that you have regret or things that you are scared or fear, but they're not yours to carry anymore. And it's okay to release them. It doesn't mean that you've you know, I don't know. It's just it's very It's it's a beautiful thing when you can release and just have at weight off of you and not carry it. It's when you're able to give it over to something greater than you and have faith in that. Mhmm, have you done that yet? Let's take a break and we'll be right back. Um have I done? What have you given over to let that all go? So I got baptized and that was the first step this year, and I have to go put the rocks in a stream this week. Sometimes keeping him feels safe. That makes sense. Oh yeah, But it doesn't mean like I have you know, I'm so far Like you know, people are like, you're still obsessed. Your AX has nothing to do with my ax. I'm not like, I'm not in love with my X anymore. I don't. It's all my personal stuff that I've held out too shame, Like you've said, are not feeling good enough for my kids, not being with them all the time, And so it's it's colding onto all that weight that isn't mine anymore. And so I'm really excited to do that because I have let go of so much and freed myself of you know, I don't have anxiety like I did in my past, and it's so nice to be able to, you know, let people have their own emotions and not take it down. And there's so much growth that I've experienced in the last year. But I think healing is ever evolving, and you continue to learn and you continue to things, some things might continue to pop up. So I'm excited that I continued to heal and learn. But I have let go of most of the way and the rest is going to be in a stream in about a week. So yeah, so are we good? Like? Uh, I don't know. I don't know, Okay. I think we had to reflect on it a little bit, a little bit. Um. You know, when I fell in love with you, h I fell in love with you when that little Boston Yeah, and you cried and I just was like, God, I could see her, you can see inside you, and I wanted that. Mm hm. That was a horrible thing. Yeah, And a Boston here and that died and brutally murdered by a pit pull. It's terrible. Poor little Mia, she said, there was Sophie. Um, but I think this is a beautiful thing. And I think if you if people are holding onto like again, releasing the shame. Also, I think it's okay to reach out to people that you have hurt in your past and just know that it might not be received. There's times when I've reached out to people and they've received it. They haven't received it. But I think it's good to make an amends, not not hoping for the other person to say it's okay. It is never okay, but thank You don't know what I'm trying to say. Like, I think it's making amends because you want to, not because you want the person to say it's okay, all good and to feel better about yourself. Oh yeah, yeah. You can't expect it to be all yeah, like hunky dorry, But if you've got like, don't hold onto it and say like say sorry, apologize and and just I think amends is a beautiful thing. I didn't know that, you know, it was before you you know, Mike broke up or separated or whatever you guys were done to force today it's a full moon today. Wow. So I thought that that was probably why I reached out, that it was time to reflect on something that was important for our families, for your ex as well, and beautiful little children. So you know, I care a great deal about I think that's really why we have to heal so that they don't carry that trauma. And that's possible and so well, shifting gears. You have a movie coming out. I have a movie called Frank and Frank and Penelope, and you have bleached blonde hair in it, right, I have platinum Platinum. Yeah, that's so. I was like, I was wondering if you still had it because it was a good look. I like it. Oh my god, it was awesome. What's the movie about? Tell tell our listeners and where can they watch it? It's like, um, the movie Wrong Turn. You don't want to go down that road, and once you did, you know you're in the wrong Turn. And I'm the guys that I'm I'm the group the cult that you meet and you think they're gonna heal your soul, and they're not. They're to just heal your soul, um, but to take something so that you if you they basically really uh it's called sin eaters. Okay, I know that one. Didn't you write that? I remember you were writing like some something eaters. What was that thing? I was called eater? Yeah, yeah, I wat that for NBC. Okay, Elizabeth Moss started it. Yeah, I remember that. Ye're one beautiful thing is you did reflect me to really believe in myself and to write and produce and direct. I did all that stuff with you. You're great at that. Yeah. I mean we, uh we see other people just like you saw my music. You saw you know, I saw something else in news. So we did bring a lot of great qualities out in each other, and it just you you know what. I remember you saying this has happened to me too. When I was uh, really doing well. I got to this place where I felt like sharks, Like it's shark infested waters. And one time you called me when you're doing really well, your album was going up. All these people wanted a piece of you, and you were like, it's like sharks are swarming me and like, I just don't know who to trust. And I kept trying to say, you've got to trust yourself, and I was like, she's not there. She's just gonna get eaten alive. Yeah, and drug underwater? Um, John, where can our wind down? Listeners? Follow you and John check j O H N s H A E C H. Can we unblock each other on Instagram? Yeah? Unblocked? Yeah, N blocked the phone. I must didn't make it here because I was like, gosh, she doesn't read her emails. I am not going to be able to get here. Oh my god. Well, thank you for coming on. And is there anything that you want to say to the listeners, anything you want to say just as a yeah, I didn't get to say this one thing about you. Oh we're going to me okay, I was even more good nice for listeners. Well, you are an extra nary talent and I think everyone here can relate to you in a certain way and if they could support and you and all your endeavors and even the ones that you haven't fulfilled yet, that I think that you you have a place still to go with your career. Because anything you've ever no one in my life has ever done this, anything you've wanted to accomplish you have. You need to stick with it and stay there and and um don't take control of it. Let it take you right And that's your fan base needs to support that. You need to go to the next place because you have this ability to constantly fight for those things, but you just have to trust that they're going to go there. Like you're you're singing your next album, you know, dancing with the Stars. I mean, it was amazing what you did. It was astounding even your acting career, like like watching you and just I think you just a little bit. You're And I talked to Richard marks Um. I know he's awesome, and he's just like she just she had never she didn't trust herself in this recording session. Both like harmonies, you're never saying harmonies before. And he gave you some lessons right there. You're so, you're so you take direction really well and you just flow and and I would hope that this audience would embrace that instead of attacking you all the time. I know that the core people that are here if they need to just embrace you and and help you fulfill your your biggest potential, your fullest potential. Yeah, I I approved that message. Well, John, thank you, Katherine, you get over there. That was good. I loved this. I think this is good. I think that was a good stuff to listen to. The producer agree he did, Everything's okay. Easton is the producer, Katherine's just my co host. You don't on camera though, She's like, I'm not going to sit in the couch with you. How is that Easton? Excellent episode. You guys did a great job. Thank you all right, Well, I think that was very good and there's a lot of things that came out. Yeah, it was a lot. Um. Did y'all even really? I mean I was kind of just sit over here, but did y'all actually make amends for what happened last? So? I think I think it was like not like the whole Twitter incident that happened. I think he was saying, it's so much bigger than the Twitter thing. Okay, Yeah, I think he was like going back. Yeah. And so I think it was like because I always played it off as like it was a party, It was like a you know, it was just like because I was we were married for a week and then and then that was that was that, um and um. And so I think he was kind of like but it was something to him and and for me, I was just so I didn't know how to call off the wedding and all, you know, and just and I think there was hurt in that, like you know, his parents were there and his grant you know, and so it's like where it was. I think the amends was the like, I'm sorry that I kind of looked at it as a Yeah, you could tell when you said that he was kind of like, but I didn't see it as a party for sure. And so I think it was so much beyond the pettiness of the Twitter and the whole like one and like that he posted our wedding photo and why would he do that? And it was just it was still the hurt of the like the way back past goes back. Yeah, so I think so I think, I think, you know, and like he said, like he's got his family and friends here, and um, you know, we'll never be that unit. I don't think that we were in l A because we didn't have any We just had each other, all of us. Um, But at least now when I'm around Julie, it's and I can go to their house now and you know, like it's not like a going to be any kind of awkward situations. So that, you know, and because I do, like I respect him, I respect his you know, I love his family, and I you know, I love his heart and what he does and all the you know, so I'm glad that the error I feel like was cleared. Yeah, it sounds like it. I was just a little trying to figure out if we but yeah, I think you're right. I think it was definitely the bigger picture. Um, I think it sounds like he was kind of being the bigger man when y'all wanted to be friends in l A like y'all didn't have friends. But because he's probably now she's friends with Julie. Yeah, I'm sure. I mean, let's just all face it. That probably wasn't, you know, the most normal thing in his world. But but hey, I mean, good for him. Now y'all can clear the air and move on, yeah and block each other. You know what April sixteenth was the day we found out everything? Was that Friday? Right? Yeah? But today it was April six crazy. It's amazing. What a year does. Yeah, I can rebly. I cannot believe it's been a year. I can't either. You're doing great, Thanks, Catherine, You're welcome. All right, Well, that was a wild ride and I gotta go put my rocks in some water. Have that experience weave to daisies. What a week What a week. I loved going on. It's good, it's growth healing, right, yeah, it's great. How's therapy for you going? Yeah, that's another episode. Alright, okay, um, see you guys next week on another thrilling podcast episode. Hi guys, Bye bye

Whine Down with Jana Kramer

At the end of a long day, nothing is better than winding down and decompressing with a good friend,  
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