Wine Down with Janet Kramer, and I heard radio podcast Ladies that Zoomed Together Quarantined Together. It's Ladies One Day with Sarah Gretzky and of course we've got producer Torreon. Oh hey, oh hey, um wait, Sarah, you were back in l A. Right, Yes, we are back because you were in the cabin for a while. We're We went onto the mountains for like a month and then things got a little We were like, we need to get home. You know, we just needed to come home. Do you did you miss like? Because it's like I can't imagine not being quarantined in my house. That's why I have so much empathy for people who are not home. Well, I'm just really happy to be home because it's nice to you know, be in the l A weather. And even though we can't be outside, there's just something about like the sunshine and like opening my blinds and seeing sun that like just makes me makes my soul feel better. So we're back in our cozy apartment. But how is being back in such a confined space? Um? I mean, yeah, it's just it's tough. I mean, it's just funny because I talked to like my sister or my parents and they're like, oh, this is you know, this is tough, And I'm like, you're you have a backyard? Like I would kill for a backyard, you know what I mean. Like it's just I being in an apartment. I don't know how everyone in New York. I mean, I can't even imagine. You know those you're all stepped on top of each other in apartments. It's tough. So are you Are you going out for walks as much as you can? Because that's yeah, that's something definitely where I I'm grateful for the nice weather that's been happening in Nashville, so like we've been able to go outside and obviously, you know, the house we're in l A was aure foot house. I mean, we're so blessed to be able to be in the house or Nashville and be able to go outside. And it's supposed to be like eighty degrees this weekend, so I'm like, all right, we might go slimming. So it's like I feel like I can't really complain because it's so nice out and I'm gonna have fomo of you guys in your pool. No, But it's crazy because when we came home, we were like, okay, I mean we have dogs, so we're used to going on walks three times a day. Everyone in l A is on a walk now and so it's almost like you can't. I mean we're on the sidewalk and we're dodging people and I'm so now we've kind of made our times. We either go like really early or really late at night because I'm like, this is the new grocery store, Like everyone's out. Everyone now has a dog and are people wearing masks? Everyone? Yeah, everyone's wearing masks. Um, So we wear them when we walk our dogs. And it's just it's it's crazy that it's the reality. But at the at the beginning, it kind of like scared me. I don't know, it's kind of scary like seeing people in that because I'm like, I just want to see her. I'm missing your face. I don't even know who you are, but I just want to see your face. But Tori, where are you at right now? I am in like Arrowhead cabin um. So there's a lot of social distancing because no one really is there's lots of land in between. Sure, do you enjoy it? Though? Uh? It's a lot better than being at my apartment because like the other day when I was there grabbing mail, Um, I forgot my mask when I was walking around, and I became the most hated person I I had never felt more judged before, I had never felt more just guilty because it's everyone so close to each other. So it's nice feeling less anxious that I'm like ruining people's lives if I forget a mask or something. You know, how is it being like at the parents though? Are they on your nerves a little bit? But we're all I think we're all feeling that, so we're all kind of finding our corners and spaces. Um, My whole family actually has been quarantining for the past like month now together. So it's my nieces, my nephew, my sister in law, my brother in law, like everyone is in this cabin. So it's been a little packed. But weirdly, we've been so isolated from people that we're enjoying almost having even if it's confrontational moments, you're almost kind of enjoying that. Sure, I know, I kind of miss like we're we're are being now up to the fourth so that way we don't get on an airplane so we can actually see my grandparents because I'm like, I missed my family, Like I don't want to have to if we fly, then we'll have to. You know, who knows what's gonna happen in July. But I'm just we're trying to be proactive because I'm like, I want to see my grandparents, Like I just I miss my family. I literally I was like I would do anything to be annoyed by my sister's right now, like I miss Like I wish my mom was yelling at me. I wish my dad was asking me to go on and run, like I just miss my parents. This is just crazy because it's like this has been like your first few months of marriage have has been this. It's just I has to be interesting. But again, I kind of feel like that's a blessing maybe in a way because you're still in that honeymoon face or no or like Wayne was like, wow, like how cool that you guys are getting to spend you know, your first like two months seven with each other, Like I would love that, And then other people are like, wow, you guys have not left each other's side since you said I do. Are you going crazy? And I think if we wouldn't have been together for so long, it would have been crazy. But like we've lived together for two years, we've done the thing, you know, we know, but today I cracked today, I know, tell me more what happened. No, not cracked, But we're both very like like I'll go into my room, He'll be on the couch like we're very like chill and calm. And I just woke up this morning and I just felt suffocated. I just felt I was like, I need to make the bed, get out of the bed. What are you still doing here? Like, go somewhere? He said, where am I going to go? I'm like, I don't know, just let me clean the house, like and I kind of snapped. But um, it's always like premonstrel you know. I I found now in those three months that it's always just a couple of days where it's not But other than not for sure, I kind of I feel the same thing like, you know, this morning, you know, my kids slept in. I had the kids early, and so it's like, you know, I'm I'm doing my thing, you know. So when he wakes up, I'm like, hey, good morning, and it's like I'm I'm already in my like and he's just like, oh, good morning. I was like, no, I'm hi, Like, I'm sorry. I'm just like I've I've already done the dishes and cleaned the kid's rooms and did laundry, and yeah, how did you sleep? But I just couldn't meet him there. So I think he got a little annoyed with me because I but I'm just like, when I get in my like working mode, it's almost like, Hi, okay, get out of my way, you know, so I can finish cleaning the let me make the bed now that you're up. And so when I get in that mode, I don't have a hard time having I guess, empathy for others around me because I'm so narrow minded in work. Does that make sense. I'm the same because I like a plan, Like I like a day. I like to set my day and then just throw it all out the window. There's no plan. But I'm like, well today I'm going to organize the bathroom. He's like, there's nothing in the bathroom. What are you going to organize? Like, I don't know, just let me do it, right, I'm going to clean. I'm like, I just got to do it. But we've actually been watching a lot of good shows, so I feel like which because we just finished Waco and Whoa, So we're about to start that. It's so good. So we're about to start that. We just finished Make Millions on HBO Wild it's about the like monopoly scandal. Oh, I saw that on your Instagram. I have never I'm very like, I get very bored, very easily. No, I was so hooked into this. It's just because it's so interesting and I don't remember it. I was young, but I definitely went to McDonald's. I wanted to win, But was it really stolen? Oh twenty four million dollars? Because I mean, I know we I know, like we would go and my my brother had the thing and it was on the cup I think where you would peel it, or it was that on the French fries. I don't remember, but he would he would do it and I would remember, like we kept getting the same one over and over again. But I don't understand how that could be rigged. They did the person go to every McDonald's or did he make the game? Tell me? I want to so badly, but every episode was it's HBO so it's a very well put together documentary. They almost kind of made it mirror like a movie. Though Ty and I were like, I did not see that coming, Like you feel like it's a show because it's it's too crazy to be real. But have you seen Waco Tory? I have not. Is that the that's the that's the cult leader, David Koresh, the Vidians. I don't want to say that wrong, but they were all living in this compound. I'm not going to give it away. Y'all should watch it. It's I mean, I had to leave the room the last episode because I'm like, I can't watch this. Is it a true story? The last twenty minutes it's a true story. It happened and I think the eighties, late eighties, nineties, and I for real got up from bed and Michael's like, where are you going? I'm like, I can't watch this, Like the last twenty minutes, I was like, I can't, Like, let me know when it's over, because but it's so good because in the very beginning it's about this cult leader, and the very beginning like well, what's the problem with it? And minus the polygamy and all that stuff, not saying polygamy is wrong, but you know, there was some maybe wrongful. There was definitely wrong things for sure. But I'm like, well his message, you know, and so that's I'm like, well that's what it's. You know. That's why they're so good, those leaders. It's crazy because I was, um, like, I was really into like Chip and Joanna Gaines, like I love them. I watched their show, read their books, and that was kind of They never said it, but I think that's why they kind of blew up so big because for so long, no one knew where Waco, Texas was, and the only thing they knew about it if they had heard of it, was that. And so for Chip and Joanna to really put them back on the map and such a good weigh. I forget how many visitors come to wake up or used to go to wake up for their silos, but they completely Like now when you think Waco, Texas As, you think Chip and Joanna, and it's like, for so long all you heard about was that's so crazy. Yeah, that's insane, but it's so good. Taylor Kitch did an amazing job. He did incredible. He's one of friends and he had actually been telling us. He lives in Austin, so he had told us about it before kind of you know how he was like getting into it and this is not in the and I were like, this is gonna be weird. And then everyone's like he's unbelievable. I didn't even recognize, Like, I mean, I obviously knew it was him, but I was just like, wow, like he's was so good in it. Um, guys in the two minutes. So excited because we have a One Tree Hill reunion. Hillary Burton is going to be zooming in with us, So so excited to talk to her. But first, let's take a break. Hillary, Hi, friend, how are you holding up? Oh my goodness. Okay, So we're just gonna go right into it. Hillary Burton's on the show. I love you so much. And this is our guest co host Sarah Gretzky, who's also on right now. So your Instagram post the other day, I loved it. You were showing off the silver lining and I just was like, he showed you know, your your your grays coming in and I thought it was the most but it was beautiful, like you look beautiful. Thanks. It's I mean, I have I have ventured out a couple of times to either drop off masks or we would drive through pharmacy that you know, we can go to UM and I see these people that I've known for years putting their job and putting you know, all up before their own self care. Everybody's saying, oh, you have to practice self care, you have to practice self care. And that's not necessarily a practical thing for a lot of our front line and essential workers. And so if they can see me with you know, a couple inches of gray hair, and we can normalize it a little bit, why not. Who am I trying to impress? Jeffrey stuck with me? So because and you guys are in right, Sarah, you just had you just she just got married, so she's in like the the honeymoon quarantine face. The poor guy saw me at a ten. And now we've really just have got nail. Yeah. I told Michael the other day, I was like, hey, look at my feet. I've got a French manicure. I didn't even do it myself. The toes just grew out like the nail polished fancy. Just like that's like ten steps beyond where I'm at right now. I've turned into just like a Neanderthal, which is fine. It's good. We had been living an unsustainable pace of stay young, stay cute, don't have cellulite, make sure you're waxed, and all that kind of crap, and now it's just like, did I feed the children? Great. It's so interesting though, too, because it's like, you know, I'm gonna get real vain here. But I was like, I've had eyelashes for the past ten years, and you know, I've I've you been dyeing my hair, and honestly, now I'm like, I don't want to get eyelashes anytime soon again. I'm fine without it. And I kind of I'm like, I want to go back to being brown. It's just something about the natural. It just feels more comforting in a weird way. It's like a natural reset for every part of you. Yeah, and it's more than just vanity. I think we're looking at it, particularly our generation, so like a lot of us are mothers at this point, um, and I think we're looking at what our children are experiencing from us. And do I want my son to see me standing in front of a mirror working on how I look, or do I want him to see me actively trying to help other people, support other people. Um. The optics that we put in front of our children right now are pretty important because they don't get a break from us. There's no teacher, there's no other adult. Literally, it's just us. So the optics of what we're showing our kids is you know something, I've said it once, I'll say it again. I can't. I don't have kids, So shout out to the moms right now, because I can't even imagine, Hilary, are you? Are you homeschooling? You know? I had a I had an interesting conversation with my son's teacher when everything first started because I pulled him from school a week early. You know, it's it's bad New York. And it was bad New York early, and I posted a picture on Instagram. I want to say it was like February third, I posted a picture of me wearing a mask on an airplane, and everybody gave me a huge ration it for it and was just like, oh, you're overreacting. Um. But I could feel something bad happening. Um, And so I pulled him from school a week early. And then when schools in New York finally did let out. Uh. I talked to his teacher and I was like, hey, I just want you to know, like I don't care if we repeat fourth grade, like if he graduates at nineteen instead of twenty or instead of eighteen, I definitely don't care. I'm just really glad you and your husband and your family are okay. So no pressure on you. And she relayed that she hadn't necessarily gotten a lot of that. You know, a lot of people are concerned like how do we stay on course and how do we keep our kids from falling behind? And this is an opportunity for us to throw away that kind of aggressive ambition of we've got to get ahead. We can't fall behind. If our kids are just learning to be solid members of families, you know, helping around the house, if they're learning to um see different parts of their community and how valuable they are, that's an important thing, you know. I so gust is pretty self motivated. He does his own like math worksheets and stuff like that. But mom is not sitting down at the computer like going well. And that's kind of In the very beginning, I felt a little bit of pressure because I kept seeing all these posts about you know, mom's homeschooling, and I'm like okay, and then I had to kind of set myself down and I'm like your daughters, I'm like Janna, Jolie's four, you know, so it's like she's still she's like you know, she's not even in you know, kindergarten yet. But and so I'm really only working. She only went to preschool three days a week anyways at the time. So I was like, okay, fine, let's not do it. Let's not do it every day, Let's do it the three times a week again. And if it's fifteen minutes, great, you know. And I'm just not putting pressure because I found myself being like totally you just that was d why are you not calling it eat? And I'm like why, I was like, whoa, I'm like, I'm not a parent, I'm not I'm not a teacher. I can't like and I just found myself like losing patients and that's not what I wanted from my daughter. So instead I took her out there and like, okay, let's go outside and you know, find things that start with the letter G, and like like I made it more fun for me too, you know. Well then I have so much respect for teachers, So how there I assume that I can just do their job, you know what I mean? Sure, yeah, I mean that's really arrogant. I can't do as job. I'm I'm an idiot. I'm an actor. How's it been on How has it been on the relationship? Because me and Sarah talked earlier in the episode about how it's just like the little things were kind of like like stop. Yeah, you know, we live on this hunter Acre farm, so Jeff is home from work. We're used to quarantining. Um, We're used to being on top of each other and not seeing anyone else because that has all He's been sacred time for our family. So we're still kind of in that bubble. Dad's never been home for this long. Um, So the chids are super into it. And for me, it's nice having a grown up here, you know, when he's shooting the Walking Dead, I'm here by myself. So every day I'm just so grateful that I can paunt them all the children off on him and there's not a lot of time for us. Um we started doing this, I know, I want to talk about Friday Night. Friday Night in with the Morgan's what what can viewers expect? It's honestly like the one hour a week that we get to hang out without the kids and just like have grown up time. And I didn't realize how bad we needed that. I think he did, um, And so he put the wheels in motion and was just like, we're gonna we're gonna take a bath. You're wound up, let's take a here. How what time? Like, where's the show? And so it's on AMC, but how long? And yeah, it comes on AMC Fridays at ten pm. And Fridays have always been their night for just showing movies. So I don't think anyone was anticipating this like weird half hour break with these two people in their garage. Um. But we've aired two episodes and they've been great. You know, we've got friends from the AMC family, friends from jobs that we've done in the past, and then we also have people from our community, so it's not just a bunch of celebrities or actors sitting around talking about themselves. You know. In our first episode, we had our personal physician that came in and gave a lot of insight and answered some questions that viewers had and then we had our local farming guru who taught us everything about farming and we talked about you know, how we source our food now, um. And so this coming week we have God. Who do we have? Oh? We have Kate Um. She is a woman that I made friends within town who runs all our town fundraisers, so as we're all trying to figure out how we can support our communities, she gives some really sound advice for people who are looking to jump into that. That's awesome, And I want to talk about your new book that's coming out, The Rural Diaries UM, coming out on May five, But I have to ask you just a few one Tree Hill questions because obviously there's so many. Do you ever get sick of people talking about one Tree Hill? You know what idea I did perfectly, Frank, I did before all the Mark stuff came out, because everyone was so like, oh, that was so wonderful, It was so wonderful, and there was this thing in the back of my mind like it wasn't that wonderful for some of us, UM. And by letting that truth UM go and putting it out there and not having that nagging secret anymore, It's really allowed me to read claim the hard work that I put into that show, and are you able to like go back and be like, oh, that was a good memory and he can't take that one away from me. The good memories for me are with our crew in North Carolina. I was very very close to our crew in North Carolina, UM, and with the cast because we grew up together. I mean, Sophia Bush and I were twenty when we got cast, and our birthdays are only seven days apart, and so she and I turned twenty one the exact same week, Season one, episode three, you know, and we hit Wilmington like a freaking tornado and it was awesome. And so those are the things I hang on to. UM. But I don't have to pretend about the other ship anymore. So it's really lightened it for me. That's good. Was there a Was there an um an episode that has always stood out to you in terms of what I enjoyed? Yeah? Um, yeah, I mean I think we knew something special was happening at the state championship episode. Um it was season for the Ravens go to was it four? But I know there's some Yeah, Chad and I were told They're like, listen, you only get two takes. We have to shoot it with this like big huge crane. All these extras are gonna go away. Um, so you get zero chances to mess this up. It has to look like the best kiss ever. And we're like okay, Um, But it was great because we were all on a field trip and Raleigh. We would all like go to the hotel bar afterwards and have a good time and it was a really nice Um. It was a nice field trip to go on with everybody. Did you have any regrets leaving or was it something like you knew that you were ready? I don't regret at all. A new I knew that I I need to start something new. It was time. I had a big chip on my shoulder and I needed to just put it down. Um. Hey, Tori, I know you have a question you want to ask. Go for a bed, hi. If are you happy with the way you guys ended your story? You and Lucas like the drive away scene. Did you have any part in that or would you have changed it in any way? Um? No, I was. I was really happy with that. You know, Chad and I had been in the pilot and you know, We've been setting up the whole Lucas Peyton star cross lovers thing the whole run of our our time on the show. UM. So I was really happy with that happy ending, you know, like the marriage and the baby family complete, because that's what both of those characters had always been looking for. Lucas never had a dad, Peyton's parental situation was deeply can I say that, um and uh? And so they both got that kind of nuclear family that they had always been craving. And frankly, I was a little concerned that if I stayed on the show that it would get messed with for my dramatic purposes. So sometimes it's better to cut out in a good spot. Did you did you ever last one? Tory, last one? Last one? Just literally did you guys know that you were going to end up together? Or was there like every time you got the script was gonna be like, oh, is it gonna be me? Or is it going to be well? In the beginning, it was like, oh, yeah, you know, Peyton and Lucas, Peyton and Lucas, and then Brian Greenberg came on the show, and it was like Peyton and Jake, what's that about? Um? That's cool. And I had been told at that point, which must have been like season three, like oh no, Brook and Lucas or end game and Jake and Peyton or end game, and I was like huh and arresting okay. And I think that was just to throw me off, honestly, because the game plan ended up being exactly what it had been in the beginning. Um, So I think that was just to throw me off a little bit, which made me make different choices. As an actor, sometimes you have to lie to actors. Well, I'm glad that you didn't let the whole situation, you know, with the creator, you know, ruined that for you, because that's you know, like you said, you worked your ass off and you know you should hold on to, you know, the good memories from it and not let someone, you know, especially a man, take that away from me. So I'm glad that you're happy. You know, we had we had fun. Yeah, it's you know, it's a small town and everyone's young, and you know, I know like when we when I came on there, it was already very clicky and had their clicks and it was just it was a it was very hard to tiptoe in you know, so when it's your first job, right, Like I had worked at MTV. But when I was at MTV, it was very taboo to hang out with the talent, like when your guests came on, Like you didn't go out with Nellie for drinks afterwards, Like you didn't try. But yes, it's relate. You know. That was tacky. It's like re crew their talent seven. So for me on the show, I had to relearn how to hang out with talent um and get over that kind of obstacle of what I've been trained with um. And yeah, I mean when you're young and you're in a small town and it's your first acting job, you don't know what's toxic. You don't know what normal is. So when I took my first job after that, white collar and I fully expected it to be the same exact deal, and it wasn't. It was so loving, it was so tender, it was so protective. And I remember being in the van with a bunch of the writers from the show kind of laughing telling them some of the uff that had gone down on One Tree Hill, and one of the men just stopped me and was like, babies, that's not okay. Did you say baby when I'm getting this baby? It was yeah, and it was That was a really jarring moment, and I all of a sudden was so embarrassed, like, oh no, that was my normal. So um, working all these subsequent jobs and learning what normal is has been really rewarding. And it's good to see really honest, wonderful people in our industry because there's so many of them. For sure. That's awesome. Okay, tell us about the Rural Diaries that's coming out May fifth. It's a book that you wrote, and like, give us, give us everything, the inspiration, what it's about. Yeah, I mean I started writing it right when I joined social media because I saw this whole um facade of isn't my life glamorous? And that had always kind of been my um resistance to owning social media because I didn't want to feed into that false narrative. Um, So I started writing this book about leaving l A and leaving a place that made me feel very insecure and small and moving to this rural farming community where I'm isolated on a farm for the first time in my life. There's not an audience. You know, I have to learn to like myself and that was really really hard. Um So maybe a lot of the steps people are going through and quarantine right now, where they're isolated and they're dealing with just themselves for the first time. I feel like I kind of did that in moving here. Um. And it's not pretty all the time. It's messy, and I wanted to cop to my failures so that other people who may be feeling vulnerable or insecure can see it as a road map of like, Okay, well this is how I get out of this. Um. I was fortunate enough that when I was pretty low, there were books out there that really helped me navigate my own feelings. And so, you know, that's the job of an artist, you help people navigate. And so if our book can do that, cool. What's the one thing that gets you down the lowest, like your insecurity? And then like and then what helps you, you know, get out of that place? Oh? Man? Um. I I'm a pleaser and I try really really hard. And so sometimes when I'm in situations and I've tried too hard, I walk away and I just know that everyone's exhausted by me, or they're laughing at me, or they're they're skeptical of you know, like I I worry that I overwhelmed people. Um, and then I just have to get out of my own head and and remind myself like I tried, you know, and trying is the bravest thing a person can do. And I'm not going to succeed every time I try. I'm just not. But if I succeed some of the time, that's a win. Um. And yeah, it's almost like setting expectations for yourself in a way, I set really high expectations. I think when you're one of a lot of kids, you um find your way to get attention. And my way to get attention was always by being like Tata, I'm gonna make straight a's and I'm gonna be the president of every club and I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that. Um. And then people don't like you because you're too loud, but you're like trying. It's like look, look, look, I'm like, yeah, I'm trying so hard to do good. Um. And so it's more important to focus on the people that do like you and uh and nurture those real relationships as opposed to worrying about the anonymous other that thinks you're a big door for sure. Well, Hillary, I'm so excited to read read your book. It's out May five, Rural Diaries. I'm like, rural Rural Diaries. Did you call it that? It's so hard? No, it's not. It's just me. I can't talk, So Rural Diaries May five. Um, and then make sure to watch Friday Night In with the Morgan's airs Friday's at ten pm at amc um. Hillary, thank you for always being so sweet. I know I met you for the first time just um a few months ago, and you just you're so sweet, so in inviting, and I just I appreciate your energy in your lights. So thank you. Well did you do this show? Thank you so much. Of course, thanks for coming on. We love you. But baby, they say, oh I love her you You're a shining star. I just let you take it and run. Well, you know, because I didn't want to call you out. I'm saying you didn't watch one. You know. I feel like, for a moment, I found myself as a podcaster and I was just listening and I was like, oh, wow, this is really interesting. I don't know what they're talking about, but I gotta watch this show. But you were just like a modern day Diane. Wow. Thanks Sarah. I mean Tori too, I was I became a publicist. To Tori was like and then and then and then did you want to because I knew there are publicists actually on I'm like, I can't. I can't ask because you know, obviously she's on our book tour, so I don't want to ask. I have to ask, you know, about our book mostly and so but I knew I had to eat obviously from my wind down listeners like give some Chree Hill topics, and Tori's like, but but but but but but Lucas, pick me, pick me. I have a question. Uh, it's too good. I hate that. I hate, you know what. I hate from that because I just love her so much. I hate that someone can take away happy memories. But here's the interesting thing that I've learned. They can't, but we allow them to. I would sit in therapy and be like, you took you know, are what you took this? You took that. And it's like my therapist is like, he didn't take any of it from you, and I'm like, what, yes, he did it, because he did blah lah lah and She's like, no, you're allowing him to take like that's still your memory, and you like, that's your memory that was still yours and he can't take that from you. And he can he can maybe hurt the memory, you know, by you being sad, but he can't take those memories from you. So it's just it's interested in the control that we let someone have when it's our memories. And I feel like that goes with like everything, Like even now, it's like it's like positive vibes and like positive mantras with like everything going on, and I'm like, I'm not gonna let this day. I'm not gonna watch the news for twelve hours. I'm not gonna let this day like suck the life out of me. I'm going to you know, change my mindset and put out positive vibes and just go into each day with a different mindset because it's like, you're right, we don't let things, sorry, we let things change and be taken from us. If if we can just kind of train our mind or are you know, soul whatever you want to go into to just letting go and not holding onto it, I feel like then it's like, Okay, I'm at peace with it, and I can sure. It's almost like quarantine is the bad boyfriend, and we're not going to let the bad boyfriend take our memories of every day. One thousand and I read the funniest thing the other day. I don't know, I feel like it's all just like popping up because like you guys did that, like does your ex text you? And then this other thing popped up that was like, don't like whenever you're having a bad day, just remember someone's quarantined with your ex, and I literally die, so good. My another thing going around too about cat and natpost. It's something that was really funny and is basically like what your husband can say from terrible, too okay, too good to the best answer, and it was like geez, honey, you wearing sweatpants again, and then like he can say instead say wow, I really like the sweatpants on you, or here, babe, be like have some flowers you look, you know, beautiful, And the next one on like on the right side the right answer was like here, honey, have some wine. Like that was the number one thing to say, like you've worked hard today, here's some wine. I've seen the funniest videos of like all the moms like pouring their wine to like music, and like Molly Sims has really funny mom content out there that was making me laugh. Oh yeah, she's she was really funny. But no, back to Hillary, She's awesome. Love her and make sure you guys get their rural diaries out. May five. Let's take a break. Okay, you guys right, some emails, yep, let's hit it. Sarah, I'm really glad you're on this one from Carly. My boyfriend won't propose. Oh book, sorry, my coffee machines going if you I don't know if you can hear it. I have an amazing boyfriend of three years. I am twenty twenty three and he's twenty four. I'm ready to get married, but he still wants to wait for at least a year or two. I feel as though I'm getting to the point of just being tired of wanting something so bad but him not having any interest. I'm very ill fashioned and wanted to be married before moving in together, but he always says how he can't wait to live together and come home to me and all these sweet things, but he won't make that commitment and propose. He says it's just because he wants to wait until it's the perfect timing for us. Any advice on how to get through to him or how to stay sane. I just worry I won't be able to hope for a day that might not come. Thoughts Sarah, Oh my god, I have so much PTSD. I just like, can't I know. This is like my d MS all the time, And I just feel so bad because it's like I don't like no one ever gave me the perfect advice right, because everyone's different, Every guy is different, every girl is different. All I can say is that is young. And I always knew I had in my mind Okay, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. But once I knew I was ready, I was like, Okay, I'm hitting my point of not being able to justify or understand your reason for waiting. Now, we lived together, so that's different. But I just don't think you can Hello. I gave an ultimatum. It didn't work, So I'm not gonna sit here and say that. I just don't think you can force someone. And I don't think you want to force someone. I think that I don't know what their relationship is obviously time knew how I felt inside and out. He knew exactly what I thought and how I was feeling. But I think that look in your heart, you know, right, like your gut, you know everything. I knew I was going to have to wait longer than I wanted if if we were going to get married, I knew he was going to do it, but I knew it wasn't going to be on my time. And so I feel like that's all you just have to listen to your gut, like is this guy worth it? Do you get a feeling that he really means it? Or do you think he's stringing you along? And in your heart you know what you have to do. But yeah, and I and I want to say, Okay, you know you're twenty three, you're young. You know he just wants to wait another year. But I feel like I feel bad saying that because I'm sure she's like, don't say I'm young. I because because I look at my friend Julie and she's she's twenty four and she's married with a kid, or she's married and pregnant. So it's like, and my first instinct was to say, oh, you're young, but you know, if I had it that way, I probably would have wanted to younger anyway, because I always wanted to be a young mom. So I feel guilty saying, oh, you're young, like just wait, because that is my first reaction, you know, being thirties six years old and being like you're young but totally good. That's why I hate giving people advice because it's like everyone's different. Every guy has a different reason. Every girl, Like Tie and I both knew we wanted to have kids, so that was like our main Like I knew we were going to meet up eventually because I knew that we both wanted that sure, and I would just say to Carly, hey, you know, if you you get to your point like Sarah said, where you'd rather not be with him and move on, then that's when you know that you're ready to walk away. Once it starts affecting like your mood and like you wake up angry every day, that's not good because that's just not good. All right, Okay, so what because I'm twenty five, so I feel like my group is saying, well, if our next step is to move in together versus get married, but does that hurt your relationship or help your relationship, or what if he says, I'm not going to propose to you, but we can move in together. If she's old fashioned, no, that's almost like if Sarah was to have a baby before getting married, Like that's not what she wanted, you know, And so it's I think if if she should respect him, he should respect her wishes. So if you don't want to move in right away, I then wait a year to get engaged, almost as like you guys are like meeting halfway. I looked at that as like I was happy. When I was like, let's move in, I was like, I'll take it because at that point it had been five years. So I'm like, I'll take a move in because but if you've been together with someone for a year and then they asked you to move in, sometimes that can prolong it. So I don't know all right from see how to get through it. My husband I've been together for over five years, married for almost two. We recently found out we were expecting our first as well. Since the beginning of our relationship, my husband has had problems with dating apps. The first two years, he acted out and cheated on me. Things stopped while we were engaged um in the beginning of our marriage until recently a girlfriend of mine found him on a dating app. I con front of him. He's finally getting some counseling that he truly needs. My question is, Janna, how do you sit there and be so mad at him but want to hug Mike at the same time. How do you get through the thoughts of maybe I'm not good enough for him? Mhm, Sarah, I thought off. I mean, I don't know what to answer this. It's hard when you can have empathy for someone that's going through hard time, like I have empathy for the things that Mike struggles with, so I want to embrace him. And when he shares some of the struggles with me, I embrace him even though it might hurt and might trigger me. I still UM, I would still want to, you know, UM, be there for him. UM. But it's hard. It's so hard because you're still angry at their actions. UM. And then how do you get through the thoughts of maybe I'm not good enough? Those thoughts have stayed with me probably it's been what for almost three and a half years since discovery. For the past three years, it's I think it's I finally hit my mark about probably it was January this year where I find it was like, you know what, it's not because I don't have big enough boobs. It's not because of this. It's not because of that. I'm finally it's not me that's not good enough. He has have he believed something in himself that he doesn't think is good enough. So I now can have empathy for that, but I don't beat myself up anymore. Like, man, if I would have just dressed up a little bit more, if I would have, you know, had bigger boobs sometimes, you know what I like, perkier boobs than what I have. Sure, but it's not the reason why he stepped out. It's just not. But it's hard. That took me over three years to even think that or get to like finally get to that place. So I mean that's hard for people to once they finally realize it because for so long. Yeah, I mean, even if there is no issues, everyone's insecure. But for you, what I didn't it's not my fault. I didn't cause this. I didn't do that is I feel like a big stuff for someone, Alright, So if you guys have any emails. UM, of course email us or you can DM me at the wind Down podcast, which UM were currently you like how it's just the nanny lost her job so I had to give her a side hustle. So she's been Yeah she I still go on there, Me and Mike still go on there. And we look at the d m s and we were pulling some d ms from there, um to answer and stuff and yeah, but yeah, she's she's she's killing it. It's like a good it's got a good like I know, I know. But Sarah Torrik, thanks for joining us on an all girls wine down Zoom quarantine session. Girls, next time we need wine, yeah seriously. Um, alright, girls, I love you and everyone out there, stay safe, stay healthy, and um six ft apart, I guess all right, Bye bye