Wind down with Janna Kramer and I have heard radio podcast so excited to wind down today. I got a lot to talk about so much, especially you. Okay there with the mike bed just making a little I'm taller than most. It's get it up higher, That's what she said. I don't know, I don't like something like I was like, something was there. Um, let me just tell you. The virgins came out for blood. They banded together and came after you. The band of virgins just came like for major blood, protesting the streets in front of our house signs. We know. I think that. Um, I didn't think that you were attacking them in any way. Well, I just feel like I need to say this because you know, I just want to reiterate again, I am not shaming virgins. I am not saying that you shouldn't wait and gets a beautiful I even talked to one of my virgin friends and was like, did I did I disrespect you? No? She's like no, She's like, You've always been so supportive. And I was like, okay, good. I was because I'm starting to feel bad because these people are like, you know, You've made me feel really bad about my choices, and I'm like, I was not trying to do that. I'm literally just saying that's just not for me. And sometimes I forget like being on you know, on air and doing this like I'm also trying to be funny, I'm also trying to be like, well that you know, you gotta test you know, personally, Yeah, I do feel like you got a test drive. But that's just my opinion. But I have no I have no hate for the other side. I think that's great. If you're waiting. I think it's great that you you know you and you know, if you guys were the only people that that's awesome. Just for me personally, it's just not what I wanted to do. That wasn't your path, Yeah, the path, but I think that people were just like you just seemed very like your attitude store and so, you know, I texted Michael was like, man, I'm feeling really bad because I don't want to hurt people's feelings. He's like, well, you can't, Like, no, you can't. That's just that just goes to show the oversensitive year of society as a whole. Right, It's like people can't even speak their opinions other than somebody get mad when it's okay. It's just like political parties. You want to be a Republican, I'll listen to what you have to say. Cool, that's fine, that's your opinion, that's how you look at things. I want to be a democrat, not saying a Republican. I'm not saying demot even stopping that. But no, I mean again, like sometimes like I did respond to a few of the dams, and I was just like, sometimes I do like I'm just trying to be funny too write, and so I forget that someone's feelings are hurt. Like someone had said. I had made a comment about you know, why I did a C section versus you know, a vaginal and like, you know, I don't think my husband would ever go down there. She's like, well, now I'm afraid that my husband doesn't want to look at my vagina. And I'm like, I wasn't saying that your husband thinks you're vagina is ugly. Like I'm just you know, well, it's your own personal life experience that you're talking about, which it's not everyone's experience. Everyone is opinion and feelings and just leave my wife alone. No, no, but no, no, no, no, but I I don't. I like, you know, my heart, like you know, I never want to hurt people. I never ever, ever. That's your opinion, and that's okay. And again, I just again, I'm just I'm also trying to be you know, lighthearted about the situation. And I test drove a lot. You know you did. That's just what we did. And that's okay too, that's okay. Yeah. But if I was a virgin, that's okay. I just like personally know like if you were, like that had been really hard if you were a virgin, because I would have wanted to, you know, but I would have had to respect. If I really loved you, I would have, like I thought, to stay in it. But you definitely weren't a virgin, so there wasn't to worry about that, no problems there. But so just to all my virgins, I support you, I love you. I'm not trying to knock you right now. I'm just saying that's awesome and honestly good for them, for you in such a sexualized society as well. Not to be on this whole society talk, but the fact that you're still able to hold your values for whatever reason that that that might be is phenomenal. Yeah, someone did say, like, why isn't why wasn't Mike more on their eyed about the fact that like Colton was just like he wasn't waiting till marriage. She's just waiting for the right person, So why wasn't he more on his side about the fact that he didn't play into like the football like stuff and society. It doesn't has nothing to with football. I just has to do with a person doing what they want to do. And that's okay. So yeah, so that happened, But um, there are some uh I think I believe we have some really good emails that we're going to answer later for sure. But you know what I did learn is that a friend she texted me and she goes, by the way, I lied to my husband about my number because because it was so high, No, because she they were telling numbers and his was lower, so then she felt like she had to then like lower hers. And to this day, like they've been married for like twenty plus years and they are no, not that long, but like they like she's like and then somebody else emailed me too, and there's a question should I tell my husband like, I'm starting to feel guilty that I lied to him about my number. Well, why do you have to tell the number? Well, because here's the thing. If you guys talk about it and then you lie, that's technically a lie. So technically she lied to her husband, and her husband I say, take it to the grave, take it to the grave. But it's a lie. So why started why I start a relationship with a lie? Then they have they've been in the marriage for fifteen something, because that's a deal breaker. He won't leave after that. But I get that's why. That's why it's really hard to even have that conversation. That's why I don't even think it's necessary because whoever says at first, the second person is going to probably feel obligated to match that pretty close. Well, but here, you know what, I think this is how people should reveal it. They should set a little timer on the cell phone. They should write it on a piece of paper, and when the alarm goes off, they shoot it over to the other person. That way, you can't go back, there's no changing it. Nothing. Well, then what happens because I will say that I agreed with my friend because I too have lied about my number when the other person's number was is lower than mine, right, because you feel like they're they're gonna be how many people? Yeah, and then they're gonna be like, wait, do I have to go have sex with more people? But it's a good question though, because this girl, you know, my friend, she's over it. She's like whatever, Like she's like, take it to your grave. But my the girl that had reached out to me, she's like, I'm really torn with like the fact that I'm lying to my husband about it. If that, if that is the only lie that she's holding on too, and that's what she's worried about, then yes, go to him and be like, look, honey, I know this is silly, but this is fifteen years ago. Okay, what if it's not fifteen. I'm not talking about that tuition more. I'm talking now about the girl that DMed men Instagram said what do I do? How recent? I mean they've been married for like, let's say to two years. I think she should get a really funny card I do and write it in the card. By the way, just left with eight instead of six. That wouldn't be a big deal. But if you're like, if you told an eight. But it's like, then that's something to consider. What is the discrepancy of your lie? But why does that matter? A lie is a lie. A lie is a lie when it's eight or nine. I'm not minimizing the lie, but the aftermath of that lie is going to be a little bit bigger if it's the difference is I mean, would you want me to like if I lied to you about my number and then came back to it was like, it's actually this, like, would you want me to tell you the truth? You don't want it, you don't care. Yeah, we got this anonymous email that you might have been referring to, but she lied about her number just to give you some Yeah, that's the one that fiance thinks it's for what did she say what her fiances is to? I don't that's the email. That's totally the email. Yeah, not a person a lie. But I got trapped in this web? Did I come clean? That's her? I say, take it to the grave, Take it to the grave. But here's the thing, it's a lie. It's a lie to the grave. It's better, it doesn't matter. It's still alive. It's obviously eating her up to the fact that she emailed us. Yes, that's not actually actually, But I'm also saying though, like with a lie, like with you, it's like I didn't tell you, like so it's like I don't care, Like I don't feel like I'm holding the name back. But if I told you a certain number and it was not that, I would feel like I'm holding something. And she's clearly struggling with it because she wrote us and she doesn't know what to do. But yes, that is a big number discrepancy, and he's probably not going to be happy with it, especially since his number is super sorry not super. I'm not trying to be whatever because erically lower than the other, than his than his wife. So I don't know. I mean, I know you guys are saying zip it, but like I see, take it to the grave, anonymous, write it on a piece of paper and burn it. Tor okay, I always do the thing. Where would you hate it if he kept a secret from you? So if the role was reversed, would you hate not knowing that he had actually lied to you about his number? If if you can move past it, then I say move past it. If that's his secret and you couldn't you want to see him any differently. That's a really good point. So think about whether you know you wanted to know, if unless unless you want unless you're the kind of person that wants to know all details. Yeah, So whoever the anonymous is, just ask yourself, if the roles were reversed, what would you want? Yeah, and that honestly, whatever that answer is, you do what that is. If it was you'd want him to tell you, then go tell him. If you'd rather not know, don't tell him. Hey babe, what's for dinner tonight? It's a great question, Janna. What do we do? What do we usually do? And what are you cooking tonight? Janna, winning doubt. We just resort to Hello Fresh. You're obsessed with hell a Fresh? Tell us why? Yeah? And I always thought it was a good cook until now I think I actually I'm a better cook because of Hello Fresh. Well, No, because you like repeat some of the meals that they've actually like brought to us. Yeah, because they've been fantastic there, you know, they're time efficient, they're it's just the feed our whole family, and there's a lot of uh, you know, different options, so we're not cooking the same thing. Over and over again. Yeah. No, I think it's great because the fact that, you know, sometimes it's like we don't want to decide what we want for dinner. It's really nice to just be able to be like, hey, this is showing up at our door and that's what's for dinner tonight. Yeah, it's fantastic. And each box is made of a fresh and responsibly obtained ingredients from carefully selected farms and high rated trusted sources, which you know we don't get super lost in, but then we taste it like, holy crap, this is stuff is amazing. So for a total of sixty dollars off, that's twenty dollars off your first three boxes, visit Hello Fresh dot com slash cramer sixty and enter Cramer sixty. It's like receiving six meals free. That's Hello Fresh dot com slash Cramer sixty and enter Cramer sixty. Okay, so you're gonna have to bleet me for this Eastern, but we've got We've got Aaron Falconer in studio. Her book is called Ready How to Get Done It? Um, what inspired you to write this book? Uh? You know, I I moved down to Los Angeles, from Canada about fifteen years ago, and I had big dreams and no real plan and found myself a couple of years later in the fetal position, crying on my bathroom floor when nothing had worked out. And over the course of figuring my life out, um, I kind of you know, I struggled along a long time and then I finally got myself on the path to success. And uh, five years later, when I was asked to write this book, I realized that I had not enjoyed or appreciated or acknowledged any of any of my success. I was just going, going, going, going, going, And I had this kind of epiphany where it was like, it's not just about getting more stuff done, it's about getting the right stuff done. And so I that was kind of the idea behind this book. It's real defining the word productivity and specifically for women. Why, um, what do you think women like fail at the worst with with that? Yeah? Well, I think, first of all, um, we're still kind of new to the workplace in relative terms, and so there's so much fear of you know, being replaced if we're not doing enough. Um, we're never good enough. We're being judged on a whole different set of criteria. So there's all of that going on, and then we've got all of the um family and lifestyle stuff to contend with two. So, I mean, we talk about it's no secret that women are making less money and they're also doing oftentimes double the workload if you take into consideration the life aspects. So yeah, we're doing work and then also kids stuff, so we're like double everything. What is the best way to prioritize? Well, I think the very first thing is is to stop and throw out everything that you all the ships in your life of you know, how you got here UM and ask yourself what do I want to be doing? Who am I, what are my goals? What are my values? And then, very in a very calculated way, spa end three, four or five days and write down every single thing you're doing in a day from the time you get up to the time you go to sleep, and put the first list about what you want to be doing and the second list of how you're actually spending your time, and look at how very different those two things are and start to say, I need to be doing more things in my day that move the needle about in a very concentrated way and where I want to go, And without doing that very rudimentary analysis, you're just kind of spinning your wheels trying to get again more stuff checked off lists, which don't really move the needle for you. They're moving the needle for somebody else, somebody else's agendia. But if you're not being conscientious and conscious about um, where you're going and the moves you're making, you're helping somebody else get some their stuff done, not you. And that's why often at the end of the week you feel so exhausted and you go, oh, where did the week go? You never want to be saying that, right, you want to go exactly where you spent your time. Then you can be tired, but you don't want to be exhausted, you know, like emotionally and from an energy point to view here and you said something in there when you talked about having goals, and that's something I know earlier in my life I struggled with, because you know, how detail do you make your goals? How short term, how long term? What kind of advice can you give for people, especially young professionals, to really set goals, what kind and how to get to them totally. Um, this is such a great question because I get it all the time through my blog as well. You want to really find a balance, So you've got to you've got to find the dreamer. And you like, what are those big goals that you want to achieve in life? But if you just have those, it's so hard to get to them that often if you're not getting there quick, you face a real lack of motivation and you're like, I'm not getting there, I'm not getting I'm failing. So you want to have the big goals, but then you need to have the small micro goals kind of like your monthly and your weekly goals set out that are so in a very concentrated way, you've got small victories in a way to measure how you're going. You know which way the winds are sailing and what track you're on. That are ultimate cumulatively moving towards those big benchmark, bucket list dreams that you want to go to. So you you want to think big. In other words, you can't just have small goals that are very achievable. That's boring and not inspirational. But you can't just have the big, lofty goals without the smaller kind of tactical goals to make to get there. But I mean, like, how because that that sounds great? But then I'm like, but like I feel like the jump start, It's like, how do you jump start that? Well, the very first thing, in my opinion, that you have to do, and I say this for many things, but specifically for goals, and it sounds really simple, but it is to me the core of everything. You have to sit with yourself and literally write things down pen to paper or clickwords onto your screen. I'm a pen to paper girl. Uh, start literally mapping it out. What are the things that make me tick? Write a list, what are the jobs or what are the creative endeavors that I can do to get there? Write that down? Now, how do I take this? And this? It's literally basic equations and you start to you start to get a map together, you start to get a plan together. Also, once you have things written down, you become accountable. When you live in your head or I want to do this, I want to do that, da da da da, but so many other things come into your brain and you kind of get off truck. When you have something written down in black and white. It's the same thing also with having mentors, finding one or two really great mentors. They hold you accountable. So when you're talking to them, it's the same thing as writing it down. You can't kind of escape into the ether of like a busy day. At the end of the day, you still have that did I get did I move towards these goals or didn't die? So, um, how can my husband help with because does that? Do you ever find that coming in where they can? It's husbands either hurt that or help that with your goals or in like productivity for women in general, like do we just not ask for help doing out? Like that's that's the big thing, Like I I find there in my experience, the men in my in my life have been really willing to help. It's just that women in general, I think that they've always got the best way to do things. And so like specifically, if you're talking about the home, it's like he folded the laundry and it's like, Dad, I've got to do that. Well, you know what, he doesn't fold the towels right, and he's saying he folds them wide ways. I'm like, fuld that skinny, Like you're not folding them right, don't do it right right? But so that but that's a good example. There's the desire that a help and really in how much mental energy are you eating up over these towels? I do the exact same thing, but it's like ask for help, don't don't go in and say your dictate. First of all, it's a it's a it's a shared experience. So what can you help with? What that's good? What? What am I What are my strengths in the house? Okay, let's do that as opposed to dictating. Number one, you want to have kind of a democratic conversation about you know, because maybe he likes doing dishes more and so that's what you should do, you know. But that's only going to come out from a conversation. Then. The second of all is there's no one right way to do things, and sometimes women you need to let it go, let those control things go so you can keep that energy um for for stuff that moves your life forward in a meaning mooid like towel folding, doesn't you know what I mean? I think we can agree on that. Again, I do the exact same thing where I'm like, don't say anything, don't say anything. And it's you just have to practice doing that. And I like what you said about ask for help or you know, ask for what you need. Going back for a second, when you're talking about you know, you're kind of hitting the bottom out here in l A. You're in a fetal position. You had all those feelings, nothing was working. Who did you reach out to how did you get yourself, you know, into that line of goals and kind of climbing your way back out of that well. I mean, because I was kind of out here flying solo, which was like one of the big problems. Um. I I really relied on myself in that moment, right in that actual moment. And one of the scariest things in that moment was not that I didn't have money, I had no car, my house was being foreclosed up. All those things were terrifying, But the thing that was the most scary to me is that I moved down to Los Angeles because I heard a voice in myself. I listened to a voice in myself that said, I'm you have this creative side of you. I was on a fast track to law school. I was a professional academic, a plus student, and I chose to throw all that away and listened to myself. And so when I was in those that moment, I was like, I listened to myself and I was wrong and and that was the scariest thing ever. And so once I had that realization and I was, you know, shaking in my boots like I didn't I don't know who I am anymore because I trusted myself and I that obviously didn't work. Then I was able to talk to UM two people in particular, and say, I'm having this feeling and and and it was through those conversations that said, then you have to double down on that feeling, even though it feels like you have completely gone off off track. That's the only thing anybody ever has in life, is that feeling. And so it was it's a two part to answer question number one. I had to rely myself. But it was through conversations with two people I respect dearly and are still very prominent in my life that that allowed me to still believe in that voice. And I don't know if I would have believed in it still given my situation, if I hadn't have had UM the voice of two people I really respected saying it's scary as hell. But you that's the only thing you have. That's amazing, especially because I feel like people have the misconception when they ask for help, they're expecting hand outs, and that's not where these people gave you. They just give you the encouragement and the confidence to believe that your initial feelings. So that's empowering. I like that my whole opinion. My opinion is that asking for help is one of the strongest moves you can make. UM and people, you know, people a lot of times there are two reasons people don't ask for help. Number one because they think, oh, I'm not I don't want to show that I can't do this. And number two, I don't want to bother that person. You know, I don't think they're very busy. And the fact of the matter is, Um, anytime I've ever asked for help, people have been so receptive. People want to help you. That is in you, that's human nature. And for me, when I get asked for help, I considered an honor and a privilege. Really it's like if somebody trusts me to help them, especially with the really important stuff, So ask for help. UM, But don't ask for help if you haven't already done the work. Nothing irritates me more than someone that wants me to do the work for them, you know. So there we have to draw when someone says, like I want help losing weight, well, then put down the eminem exactly. I can't help you if you're not going to like do your exactly. So, So, once you've done the work in your intention to to do well or get better whatever is is there, ask for help work can listeners find you and like obviously your book and everything. Yeah, so my book is available on Amazon. But I have a blog called Picked the Brain, and I'm at Pick the Brain, which, by the way, Pick the Brain has been named over a hundred Best of the Web lists, and Forbes named it one of the top most congratulations. Do you have worksheets or work? Yeah? Well, in the book there's at every chapter there's a there's a work section. It's a you know, the first time in ten years to write a productivity book. It's fantastic. Let me ask one more question. I'm sorry, honey, I know this is you know you kind of said it's it's you know, a little bit more women woman driven. Um, but I do say and I struggle with this at times where even if I've had a productive day or what I feel like it has been a productive day, at the end of the day, I'm still just like I feel like I could could have done more. Right, it's a whole like I don't feel good enough feeling. How do you like give yourself the confidence be like, no, I did enough? Is that is that checklist? What is it? Well? I mean, I think the thing is that when you're doing something you really really love. So I think you've got to make a distinction. If you're doing some things that you really really love and you're like, I feel like I could do more. I think that's just a natural passion. If you're if you're doing something that you don't love and you're like in general you're and you're like, I feel like I'd be doing more. I feel like I do more, that's just that's filling up a hole that needs to be filled by something else. Right. So, I mean, even when you're doing something that you really love, you have to know that you are still central to that and you need to take time out for yourself. You need to find balance for yourself. These things are important for the longevity of your project. Right. If you don't. So you need to make a choice. Am I going to sit here and guilt thinking that I could be still getting more done because I'm so excited about this, Or you're gonna say, I'm gonna play the long game on this and make the tough choice to train myself to relax, to do to find other to find balance in my life, right, Because it's all about finding balance if you want to again, play the long game. So at the end of the day, making the choice to relax or go out for dinner or as long as it's a choice, you're doing well. But those are just as important as choosing to get one more thing done off off the list. So um, as long as you're making it a choice and you make that habit to make these choices, you become you feel less and less guilty because you've got control. When you're making choices, you've got control. I feel like it's so great for like guys too. So it's like, why, why why is it just focus on women? I wanted Yeah, I wanted to say so the first half there's two parts of the book, and the first half of the book is really talking about female and the female psyche and how we got the you know, the history of women in the workplace. The second part of the book is completely tactical and is completely gender neutral, and I highly recommend reading it their exercises at the end. So it's about time tracking, really understanding how you're spending your time, who you're spending your time with. It's just as important as how you're spending your time, because we all know they're the people that bring us down and the people that bring us up. And I always say the test is when your phone rings and you see a name on the call displayed, you go or you go, oh yes, and you jumped to ticket and you started started analyzing that and you know what. So so anyway, so those are just some examples of of of and then how to use the internet in the most productive way, what apps to use and so you can start freeing up your time, um with less menial tasks that don't really matter to you and drain your energy. So how do we get rid of the Yeah, yeah, well those are relationships. You're responsible for how people treat you, and you're responsible for the people in your life, right, and so if you're constantly picking up the phone call up of a phone call where you've got the h Well, then you're training that person to keep calling you and dropping those problems on your lap. Um. It's just that simple. Um. With responsibility comes a percent freedom. You want to be free, take responsibility. Those those people need to be marginalized or at least controlled. Um. Where it's like, if if you're fine to hang with that person on Saturday afternoon or take a phone call, if you're fine with that, then you need to train them to be only calling you at that time. And how do you train them, Well, you don't answer the call when they call in the middle of the work day, you know what I mean. But I've told my dad not to leave voicemails about fifty million times. It still leaves me a damn. I don't listen to it. Never listen to voicemail. Why are you leaving me a three minute voicemail? And then they keep getting longer. I'm not listening to your voicemail. It's full. So it's like, how do you train someone that's not trainable? Right? Well, I mean, I think I think in that scenario you can just kind of see the humor in it because you're not It's not like you're taking the time to then listen to those messages and get back to him. So I think that bothers me, though it's still annoys me. It's very as I told you, that's the same problem with my mom has leaving me these long voicemails. I just don't listen to them. So the idea is, if you want me to respond to something, don't leave me a voicemail, don't don't leave me voice message. If text is better for you, then those are the things I'm going to respond to in a meaningful way. Otherwise you're so out, like I'm not going to listen to this because you left, So you kind of just don't let it be, yeah, because that's what's the point, that's then ruining your activity. But I know three minutes out of my day that I don't want to listen to your message. No, it's exactly. It's like you've already read my book, I know. But there I know people that will listen to those messages and be irritated for three minutes listening to you yourself to respond. But that's on you. So you're, in my opinion, you're doing the right thing, and you don't want get aggressive with your dad and starts you know, I mean, I have but not healthy, and it's like it's I mean, but but then again, it's like it makes me want to be angry because I've told him, don't leave me long messages, don't don't leave me message might be a generational is absolutely my mom doesn't illustrating. It's so annoying. And then I'll color right back and she'll say, no, I didn't because I didn't want you to leave me a message. We've gone over this. Yeah, well, I feel like there's a lot of insightful stuff that we can all take, you know, very to heart. So thank you appreciated, Yeah, thank you. So I'm really excited because I launched my business today, the Mom's in Babies Box. And what really makes me happy is the fact that if I need to mail letters or packages with my small business, it's so great because I use stamps dot com. Um you can get postage on demand, and it's so great because in the very beginning'm like, I don't know how much these boxes way, Well, no problem because they actually send you a scale. So with stamps dot Com you can access all the amazing services of the post office right from your desk. Twenty four seven, so on your time when you want to get your work done, which is great because I do a lot of my work when Jolie goes to bed at eight o'clock. So right now, use Janna for this special offer. It includes up to fifty five dollars of free postage, a digital scale, and a four week trial. So do not wait. Go to stamps dot com before you do anything else. Click on the radio microphone at the top of the homepage and type in Janna that Stamps dot com Enter Janna. You know. And also I have to tell you I've been having some voices, okay, outdoor of voices. They make high quality active apparel to take you from the gym life to everyday life seamlessly and fashionable, and which is I think is great because you know, when I work out, but I also like to just live in nice workout clothes, like like I feel like mom life is just automatically like yeah, easy comfortable clothes that you can, um, just you can. They're they're made to sweat in. They're available for both men and women. So my men listeners, and this for you too. Um, everything's great. I mean, you've got running shorts you've got the leggings. I mean, it's not for just working out, it's for everyday lifestyle. So it's working out, it's hiking, it's mom life, it's spit up, it's all of it. And with Outdoor Voices for off your first order of a hundred dollars or more, visit outdoor Voices dot com, slash Janna and enter Janna. That's outdoor Voices dot com, slash Janna and enter Janna. So I'm really excited because as I have, I never thought I would say this. By the way, my business partner in studio today, um miss Sarah Boyd Sarah for everyone here can and my listeners obviously, can you just tell everyone what you do because we not only work together on our new business, but we also work together on Instagram and socials so boom. Yeah. So my background is MPR. I did that for about ten years, starting my own company seven years ago, where we do events where we connect people in the influencer space and then we also represent manage celebrities in the digital space, so we help them advised, monetized do all the things in terms of social and digital which is amazing. So name some of your clients Janna Kramer, Um, Olivia Culpo, Jamie Chung, Cat Sadler Um. We've got about nineteen of them, so yeah. And then the Bachelor people you've got been Ben Higgins Lauren Bush. Now does that ever get weird because they like, we're no, Well I actually met him when they were dating, so no. But he's like the nicest human ever. I don't know if you've met him, but he I have well, and he doesn't eheart podcast too, so he's definitely like in the FAMI and you know Lauren also, I love Lauren, but that's every time now, I mean met Like when I met that, I almost wanted to be like by the way I rent with Lauren, is that okay? Like do you do like, well you still like me? I don't know, No, he doesn't care. He's the nicest human I think I've ever met in my life. And Lauren's the same. So they're they're super cool. Yeah yeah, well yeah, and Sarah like what's so great too, is you know she's introduced me to I feel like you're kind of the reason why Michael and I got pregnant because you're the one that introduced me. Will not be Yeah, because you introduced me to the Ava bracelets. So I mean there's so many things that are really cool that kind of coming through social media. And yeah, you know, of course, like we put add on our Instagram stuff, but it's not it works. Everything's very authentic, like you make sure that like everything fits with you know, what I do and everything. So I think it's really cool. No, Ava was great. But then I also love just connecting you with other people in social like that whole trip we did to NAPA and you met all of these girls that now you work with, Like that's also part of what I do too, is connecting well, speaking of the Napa trip, that's when I came up with this idea. So, um, you know we've had there's there's a ton of box subscriptions. There's you know, there's a lot of them. But for me personally as a mom, I have a really hard time just buying something for myself. Usually I buy something just for like Jolie, and Michael's always like I will go shopping right babe, and then I'll be like, I gotta get something, but I end up just leaving with stuffer Joliet stuff for me because you get super guilty for whatever reason. Dana is like, I want to go buy a bat and suit. Then we get to the store, She's like, no, I'm okay, and then I don't and then I and I still what I do I want to Target? So I was like, I'd love to go to North Stroom to get a bathing suit for a baby moon. And then I was like, no, it's it's okay. But like Jolie got something and I got something, but I've heard some reason like have a really hard time with like getting stuff from my elf. So then I was like, man, like, I've never known of a box subscription where it could be like moms and kids. So obviously Sarah's in this world and she's you know, amazing relationships with like brand people. She's got a daughter the exact same age as Jolie, and so I came to her with this idea and it was called something before and then we were kind of brainstorming and we came up with the Moms and Babes box and she was like, I want to be a part of it. And now she's just been so instrumental and making sure like you know, getting brands and just like you mean you were like the brand genius behind this box, so like, just thank you, but I'm so excited, so we want to this is today's official launch day, is yeah, so we kind of want to run down the products of what's in the box. So it's really cool. Um yeah, today is official launch of the box. So you can go, I'm Sarah'll let you because you're like the business, the business side of it. I'm like, you know, I'm just like, this is the boxing was my idea and none of that's like, now come on, give us, give us the deets. No, like today, We've been planning this for how many months now? It has been a labor of love. Yeah, and um, we're so excited that it's happening. Um. So yeah, it's Moms and Babes box dot com. And you can get one of three boxes or you can go all three if you want. Um there's an infant box, a toddler box, in a mom box, so depending on how old your kid is or if you just want to be completely selfish, which is okay. And by the way, the Mom Box, let's just talk about that. The Mom Box is actually the most expensive box. Um. It's retailed for two forty eight but you can get it for They've got the amazing concealer. There's a restorative mass that's actually fifty six dollars, but again the box is only fifty nine. And then there's the there's a bronzer, there's a um, a watermelon face mask. There's a uh pretty hair growth growth serum. There's a skin inc serum for your face, which is again insane. Um. So the mom Box is like loaded with my favorite So even if you're not a mom, this mom Box is like bang in with like the best like face products. Yeah, it's amazing, and you know, we wanted to create something that was good for moms that are busy and they're tired and they don't be like walking out and shopping and they need something to like kind of pick them up. So a face mask, your hair is falling out, hair growth scerum, you know, like I know, so that one, that one definitely has the best best value. But again for me, why I started this is because I wanted to have something where it was I got something, but also my kids. So there's an infant in a toddler box where um, some stuff is for the infant and then some stuff for the mom. So in the infant there's the we you want to talk about the infant box. Yeah, so, I don't know if you guys know about Aiden in a nase. They are like the very best. My son lived in the saddle. I had like fifteen of them and use them for everything. So they put a swaddle blanket in UM. There's also also this brand called Beblove and it's whenever I give my daughter a bath, she's screaming because water gets in her eyes. So this is a little hat they wear in the bathtub so the water doesn't get there. I saw that instagram um Sprout a pouch from Sprout, and then Well Elements put two products in, which is the vitamin D drops and gripewater. So gripewater just side note, I give every new mom grapewater. It's it's a secret. I discovered it three months in and I was like, wait what, Yeah, it gets sort of hiccups. It's it's like savior absolutely um. So that's in there. And then the Borders butt paste, the best, the best but paste on the market. But then we don't want to forget the mom because we also have the Bronzer to make you feel like looking pretty and then a really nice face mask too, um to go in with that, and then the toddler box. Um again like all my daughter really cares about right now is just like coloring. So there's cryans and chalk, and then the m a great bathset, and then of course you know, um, the skin inc which is heaven on Earth for this baby magic. That's that. Yeah, my son six and I still use this. Let's good stuff for your skin. It's it's really good and you want to keep that baby smell as long as you can, I know. So we're just really excited about it again. It launches today. You can go to www. Dot Mom's and babes box dot com and boxes are but go ahead, my business lady. We've got a code for you. It's for ten dollars off your first box. You can use Moms and Babes so use that. You get ten dollars off your first box. If you want just one box, you can do that, or you could subscribe for you know, to get it every quarter so every three months. If you do that, you get another ten percent off, so double the savings. People. If people sign up for the subscription, can they change what box they want to get or if they sign up for mom just the Mom's boxing question answer. You can log in and you can change it anytime because you know obviously your baby is going to get older, um, so you can change. You know, we have a lot of questions to like I have a toddler and an infant? Can I switch back and forth? Yes, you can log in whenever you want and change your next box? Is it monthly? Is it quarterly? Quarterly? Quarterly? And Mike, are you going to add a add box? Dad's and Dudes? You want to do a d I just don't think guys would buy the subscription, but the wives would buy Easton would Yeah, maybe if you did, if we did something where you did you know you guys do quarterly, right, but then you do a fifth bonus box or something. Yeah, that's that's a great idea. We should do a Dad's and Dude is just for like one run, just like, oh my god, guys are not getting a percentage, goes to me. We should throw some beer in there, like make it like do friendly some beef, jerky dude supers. It's a really good idea. Yeah, thanks babe, Well, Sarah, thank you, like seriously so much. I'm really excited for our launch today and to all the moms out there again like this is this is great for you. You can share and the whole thing it's about just like having a box that comes for both of you, guys. And again, don't feel don't feel bad about being selfish if you just want your own box for yourself, for if your kids are outgrown the toddler, because the mom boxes banging and it's a great gift for new moms right Like I remember when I had a baby, I had a hundred flower bouquets and they died in a week. Like this is such a great gift that keeps giving for a new mom that needs it. Www dot Moms and Babies box dot com. So for my readers out there, the New Yorker is an iconic magazine that represents the best writing in America today. Do you guys read the New Yorker? I love the New Yorker, I really do. And I'm the kind of person who loves to have paper in my hands. I love to read the actual newspaper. 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With the special offer, you'll receive twelve issues for just six dollars, plus get the exclusive New Yorker to bag. That's twelve issues for six dollars in a free toe bag. When you go to New Yorker dot com slash Janna. Umy just tell you really fast about my hair because it's really nice right now, and it's because I'm taking sugar Bear hair. Um. I actually had a friend to Missy texted me and she said, hey, to sugar Bear hair really work and I was like, yeah, girl, like it really does. Um. I don't even know if I'm gonna put my extensions back in because that's how well they're working. It's as much vitamin A as four cups of broccoli, as much vitamin C as one cup of cranberries, and as much vitamin B twelve as four organtic eggs. Um. It's also great for your nails and your skin too. So go to sugar Bear Hair dot com slash Jana for beautiful hair and healthier you. Sugar bear Hair dot com, slash Janna sugar Bear Hair dot com slash Jana. Al Right, guys, we have an incredible guest in our studio today, Malika Chopra for the studio. Um, no relation to actual the father. Yeah, Deep Deep Okay, let's we're talking about someone else, would you like? Okay? And I just love deepop Every time his name is brought up, I just get goose bumps. Like I brought everything and I worked with of it Oprah. So you know, it's like he was the most incredible person I was never like in front of talent wise because he's so smart and so present away. And is that how you kind of now followed his path in a way somewhat? You know, I found my own path actually when I became a mom. So we grew up with my dad, you know, doing his thing, but we never really engaged in it that much until it became more relevant to our own lives. So I mean, and now you're an author, which is incredible. You have a new book out called Just Breathe, Meditation, Mindfulness, a movement and more so, what is what is one thing that like more Americans can be doing that is just breathing and being more mindful of what they're doing in their daily life? Or yes, So I wrote this book when um my kids were about six to ten years old, and it's a look an illustrated guide on meditation, Mindful, the Miss Yoga Motivation four Kids, written for eight to twelve year olds. And I really took inspiration from my own life. I learned how to meditate when I was nine, and um really have had like a career of seeing how these practices affect families and children, and so I wanted to write something that was four kids, Can you share with us a mindfulness activity that moms can do with their kids when they first wake up in the morning or right before they go to sleep or are there are two different ones that we can do in the morning and at night. Yes. So there's so many simple techniques and that's why in this book I really focused on one to two minute techniques. So the first one is literally just breathing, so um, just taking a deep breath, breathing in, say to the count of three, pausing and then breathing out. And what that does is often take us from like an automatic fight flight anxiety onst situations to being more grounded. Um. But what I do suggest to do with kids is at the end of the day to think about something that you're grateful for, uh. And that's a really nice way to just kind of anchor the day. And then in the beginning of the day, what I try to do is set an intention for the day, So think of something you want to experience today, whether it's like connecting with a friend or feeling inspired or having energy. So those are simple things to do with kids. Those are great. Those are great activities. What do you suggest in the middle of a meltdown? What they toddler to bring them back into the moment. So I think I suggest first a parent stop and take a deep breath. So actually, um, literally stop as is for stop, tias for take a breath, oh is, just observe what's happening in your body and then react because um, when kids have tantrums, they also are reflecting, often with the parents and how they're reacting. So um. And then I actually, you know, we used to do things like take a time in instead of a time out. Um, So again just focusing on breathing. Um. And sometimes you just got to let the kid have the tantrum and just be present and let them do it, and then they'll get over it and you move on. How about teens, tweens and teens. Can we use the same techniques with them or is there something else that works better with say, teen girls who are a little over emotional and um, having trouble you know, staying grounded and all of that. So I have two girls, Um, there's sixteen and fourteens who are in the midst of the teenage thing. Um, and teens definitely, and especially girls. There are so many issues boys and girls, but from social media to body image, to bullying to all the cattiness. And so that's actually why I wrote this book UM, is to start giving kids empowering tools to think about how they want to control their own life. So UM, I do recommend again short exercises where kids can just find some quiet UM because then they get more connected with themselves and can approach every day UM feeling more empowered in knowing who they are and that they actually control situations and how they react to things. So the book is actually filled with many many exercises really focused on that age group. What's the worst habit that we can do? UM, when like our daughters having a temper tantrum, Like, what's the worst thing that we can either Is it starting on the TV? Is it giving them food? Like, what's the worst thing to like stop them from their temper tantrum? So I think it's different ages. You said you had two and a half two and a half. I think with a two and a half year old, it's very different than a fourteen year old. So the two and a half year old, you know, sometimes they that's how they're starting to express themselves. So UM, I think not reacting to them. In fact, I think often up parents get really angry or frustrated. Let them kind of acted out, but also let them know that that's not not don't give in to what they're having the tant temper tantrum for because I think once you start doing that, you actually create a pattern for their whole life that they know that if they throw a tantrum, they may get the benefit of it. So UM for that age, I would recommend it. As kids grow older, especially in the teenage years, what I've learned from my daughters is, um, if you engage too much in the drama, for example, like they've had some fight with their friend and suddenly you know you're involved in all the melodrama of it. Often um, their stories are really um exaggerated versions of what happened. So don't kind of just immediately jump on the bandwagon with their emotional drama. Look at and all the work that you've done with children. Is there a big you know, change or discrepancy between what you would advise adults to practice in mindfulness meditation as opposed to it's like, is it just more simplistic for children or is it kind of the same. Honestly, it's the same thing. So one of the feedbacks I'm getting from my book, which was written for eight to twelve year olds, is that a lot of adults I think it's the easiest meditation book they've read. Um. I think a lot of especially for adults, there is a lot of intellectualization of this stuff, when honestly, it's really simple. It's just simple techniques of breathing, being quiet, observing your body, being mindful, so mindful, walking, mindful eating things like that. It doesn't have to be complicated. UM. What I would recommend, and this is a strong parenting advice to parents who are listening out there, is don't force your kids to meditate. UM. And I know that from my own experience with my dad, which is UM, rather as parents, do your practice and your kids will follow you, and UM. Kids also, let them try it for a minute, thirty seconds, five minutes, you know, let them figure it out. And that's why I wrote this book to empower kids directly rather than kind of going through parents. That's amazing. Now, the last couple of years I've tried to get into some kind of meditation practice and I have a d D and I have a hard time. I've tried my UM like guided meditation. That's where I found when I can do it, that's kind of the route to goo. Do you have any suggestions for with you know, children with short attention spans or adults like myself that kind of have that same issue. Yes. So the main thing is don't get stressed about not meditating, because that's beside the point. And so, you know, it's so true. I'm saying with a guy and I'm like, they're like, think about a stream, and I'm like, what am I doing tomorrow? I'm like, oh God, I sing? And then it's like student is not working in the It's like your mind is always going to wander. We cannot technically empty our minds. That's like that's a misperception, um. And so you know, and meditation is not about like sitting in lotus position and just being still. So the goal of this book is to present many different techniques and figure out what works for you. So for some people, UM, they need to move and that's a big part of kids. UM. So that's why maybe it's movement, meditation, walking, meditation, yoga poses for many people even in their runs and things like that. Um, So you know, there are many different techniques. Um So, like when he's working out in the garage, like lifting weights, like he can do a guided meditation during that. Not even that, I would say, even be just observe what your body is going through. But try to do it without music, you know, so you know that you're really more aware of your body. So that's just a really simple way to be more mindful of your body and what you're going through. I think so many of us distract ourselves constantly with either podcasts or news or music. Consider exactly, Yeah, just the one. But you know, try to spend two minutes just being quiet and actually observing your body, and you will see that you start, um feeling more connected. I like what you said about don't feel stressed about not meditating, and so said, is that still beneficial meditation? If you're sitting there and you're thinking about maybe the rest of your day, you're thinking about what you have coming up this week, but you're still just sitting there and being present, that is that still beneficial? Yes? So it is. And then again, there are some techniques that help you, um kind of deal with wandering thoughts. So one meditation I recommend is just repeating the words I am, I am. And now what happens is your attention will drift away. That's totally normal, natural and exactly what your minds supposed to do. And actually, um, one can learn from the fact that if you can't slow your mind down, it actually probably means you need it more. Um. And so actually just even having that racing mind is a form of releasing stress. Um. And so you know it actually has many benefits even just sitting interesting. Wow, Well, I think that's really amazing. So we're Um, your book now is out I mean everywhere, right, yeah, people for you there will be out everywhere. Amazon is amazone and then where else can our listens find you? So I have a website Molica Chopra dot com. It's m A L L I K A choke run dot com and um, I have several books and blog and all over so you can find everything there. Well, thank you. I'm excited because I need to just I think a good tip is just to start, even if it's two minutes to even listen to the radio, absolutely and just to you can do it. Yeah, I love fascinating I'm incredible. Thank you so much, thank you, thank you for having me. So we got a lot of emails, and I really enjoyed the genre of email. We got busted doing it. What do you mean because last week you talked about how that's fun you're with your boyfriend best your mom put the letter out of the door. That was hilarious. We have a bunch of these. So this is from an anonymous email learned. Big fan, by the way, been following you since the Onetrey Hill days as a country music artist. I saw you playing Utah once your podcast at the first podcast I've ever listened to, and I can't thank you enough for It's not It's very sweet. She was She was sixteen, just short of her seventeenth birthday. Her boyfriend was eighteen. We were at my house and my parents were at a party. We were just about to do the thing when we heard my parents come home. I've never seen a person get dressed so fast. He hid and I just laid in my bed, completely covered up, and when my parents came in, I pretended it didn't feel good and said it must have been something we ate on our date. My parents left and we continued to have sex upstairs, I guess, and they just continued and then but then the little plot twist. I guess. She says, my number is one. That was my boyfriend Kyle. He is now my husband. See that been together since I was fourteen. I'm thirty two now, and I was pregnant with our first baby. Stories. I think that's amazing. Do you think they ever told to please? I mean, you're married with a kid, you have to tell your parents. So if you haven't, tell it, because I think that's a really funny story. And Christmas Eve a few wine. Yeah. If not, you need to find her and have her on and then have her call her parents. That's so fun. I would love I know, that's really really really cute. All right, the next email, we actually have the caller on the lines. Let me directly with her. She's going to made anonymous for this. This is a tough situation. My boyfriend of three years and the father of two of my children kids cheated on me when I was seven months pregnant. Before cheating, we'd fight about commitment. I want to be married. I'm twenty five. We have kids, a house, who run a business together. We have a golden retriever. I mean, perfect picture family. Yeah, but he refused, which made me always feel like there was something wrong with me. He talked to his ex all the time. I'd catch him. He texted her on Mother's Day of seventeen if she ever wanted to have sex. She put a screenshot of that on Facebook. Thank you, Wait, I'm sorry. Repeat that. So on Mother Day of seventeen, her boyfriend texted his ex saying one to have sex, and the ex put that up on Facebook and everyone knows. Oh no, my, so he cheated, she says. I came back after the cheating. He cheated again with a different girl. I actually showed up at her house. Here we are still together now. Our battle because I'm constantly accusing me of cheating, which I've never But the biggest slap in the face was him saying he will not touch another woman and he will marry me if I agree to have three sims occasionally throughout Oh my god, I have cried for hours. I love him, he makes me laugh, he supports me and the kids. But I do not think I can accept these terms, and I cannot accept him seeing someone else. By the way, you're oh my god, John was very judgmental and shaming. I'm sorry. I just that was the seen the and she's anonymous, so we don't know her anonymous, and she's online eleven and here she is. It would I just want to say, he hi, him my anonymous girl. We're all just like okay, So you have me, Jen, my husband, and then the rest of the studio East and Mark Tory. Um, we just read your email, okay, okay, First of all, do not feel like a moron. Everyone just needs to take a big deep breath right now. Ready, Okay, who wants to go first? Um? Honey, do you want to go first on this one? Oh? Anonymous? Um, My heart honestly breaks here. We we have a lot of empathy in the studio right now for you and unfortunately at least for me. Um. Kind of with the final his terms of occasional threesomes, that is not something that you should not be in a position to have to agree to for someone to marry you. First of all. Second of all, even if you did, okay, then you're just opening the door for him to to cheat even more or do anymore. Because if he tries to throw that at your face, well, I technically slept with another woman with you and it was a three sum, so why can't I it's just gonna it's alecurities about yourself and like are only going to get worse too with the fact that you know it's I mean that's that's could you live? Like? Is that something? I do love him enough to be able to live with that? So um to be honest, I have already given him one okay before our daughter came this is this world. Afterwards, I just felt ashamed for one, because like I had to get drug to do it, and for two, like I just felt like I felt dirty, Like I was like I shared something that I would like I hold like between him and I, like are our bedroom life is very intimate to me and like it's just between two people, and I'm just I'm a firm believer of that. And I was like, you know, I disregarded my own morals for him and I struggled with it really bad afterwards, and he just had like no compassion. He's like, I don't understand lesly fun and I'm like it wasn't fun, Like it broke my heart to see you with another woman like it just like and so like when the cheating did happen? All I can think of is like how that that scenario went. And I just like and like I tormented myself, was like, oh, this is what happened, Like it was these new girls, and I was just you know, I just don't think I like I told must like, I just don't think it'd be fair. Like I was like, how would you feel if we flip the tables, you know, and you had to see me with another man? Like, and he's like, well, I kill him. How do you expect me to not build these things? Like I'm human? And he just he's like it's totally different. Girls changed down there whenever they or with another man. I'm just like, A, yeah, that is complete delusional. I mean. And here's the thing, Like, A sure this could work for some couples, you know where they this. You know, I have known couples yeah that do that, and it's fine for them. It's fine for the woman, it's fine for them, everything's great. But you like your I like, I feel your heart hurt. You know. It's like I feel you're like pain like I And that's like you don't I understand. You guys have three kids together, and I know that's got to be so hard because you want to, like and you want to be married, you want to just be with him, and you know he does sound like he does support you on other things and he's good to you in other places. But that's just that's just so unhealthy. It sounds like to me for you, you know, have you guys gone to couples therapy? No, he is um. He's like completely gives any emotional like anyone really, like even with our kids, Like he has a hard time how old is he? It's any five as well? And I know he's young because we started having baby. He had his first year, but young or not I know, year olds and put in the situation, you know, like so I just it's it's I don't think it's about being young. And I mean, sure you could use that excuse, but I don't think that's His parents are so different, like this upbringing was so different than mine. Like we kind of have we like we've argued in the past, like my family is more you know, we we celebrate birthdays and we talked about feelings and his family's like business business business, like don't much in love his weakness, like he's just been raised that way. He's his mother's that way, and I like I struggle with them, like I don't understand how you have like no softness, Like where's there's the soft part of the human being. Like it's yeah, business is great and all, but like at the end of the day, who you share it with? You know, you're closed off so so much like I don't want my children to be closed off and have emotional problems. No, I don't know. Yeah, no, I hear you. And and also like too with it. It's like you, you know, can you live your life? Because again, if you guys, if you agree to this, you like, like everyone said, here he's going to cheat again, Like are you okay with that? Him cheating again? Like is that the is that? What would you be okay with that? No? I mean like it drives me insane, Like yeah, I taught it, Like I mean I lost it the last time life packed all my kids in the car and well that's the thing. You don't want your kids around that, you know. I mean, that's just I mean time to grow up thinking that's what a relationship is. Yeah, And that was aeater. So I think like I'm like, oh my gosh, it's karma. Getting back at First of all, don't ever say that it's not karma. Bay. Sometimes, you know, we we see the good people and unfortunately things happen and it's but it's nothing that you did. There's no karma in that situation at all. Yeah, we might have picked people like our our father, but you have a chance not to change that. You have a chance to be able to you know, they can still have a great relationship with him, and you guys can comparent amazing. But you should find someone that wants the same things as you, which is passion and intimacy and just you and in that relationship and relationship commitment that's for both of you, you know, not not bringing in other people. I think a good plan. I think you should start going to individual therapy because I think if you start spending time talking to a therapist for forty five minutes a week and unloading you, you need to release a lot of this and you also need to build up your self esteem, um so that you can make the decision. Because I mean, girlfriend, put your put your walk and shoes on. That deserve so much more. You are so young, you have just how much time to restart, you know, And then years on the line, you can think, thank god I got out of that page that I was trapped in because especially now, and I can understand where therapy might seem scary, but also financially it can be a struggle sometimes because I understand that stuff gets pricey, but it would be worth the investment, would be worth looking into. And like Mark just said, unless you're okay to cut ties now, because if you can do it now, yes, but even so, I still think you should unload this stuff to somebody. But you're going to look back, like Mark just said, you know when you're like thirty, and thank god that you did this now because your kids are going to be in a better place. You're going to be in a better place. And like you said earlier that you know your kids, you don't want your kids to be exposed to this. Well now is you're trying to make the decision to make sure that they're not. And it doesn't sound like to me like he's gonna wake up and change his mind and all of a sudden be like you know what I want, like just you and I'm gonna I'm gonna work on myself. And he doesn't sound like a lifestyle he's going to continue to live. I guess my biggest fear is like he's for like the past three years, he's told me like, you should appreciate ate the fact that I'm being honest, that the most men won't be Like that's great that he's honest, but that's not the kind of person you want, like Lady Knew, Yeah, I mean, that's total manipulation. And I mean, Mike, you could be like, yeah, well, I I told you I cheated, but you know I'm gonna I want to keep doing it. Well, okay, thank you for telling me. But I don't want to mean but I don't want to be I don't want to be with something that's not going to be faithful in our marriage and or that wants to do these things like no, that's not what I that's not what I want. And yeah, I mean, again, kudos for him for telling you the truth at the same time, like that's not what you want at the end of the day, with what he's now asking you to do exactly like I just and I don't like, I like, listen to your podcast, right, and you guys like said things like how you guys like would approach each other with it and how to deal with it, and like I finally broke down and I was like, I just made you to tell me, like what I didn't get? Like what was I not giving? Like tell me where I was acting in this relationship because I've given you my everything, Like I've given you more than I have anyone. You used to put him before my kids? And what do you say? And I think it's just that I just if I can line up a girl, a role of girls, I would just want to try them all. You know, it sounds like he is a serious issue. Yes, And let me just say this too, I'm sorry that you even had to ask him that question. And I understand why you'd make it personal And when Jane and Jane and I have gone through our stuff, you know she still has issues with personalizing it. But just no, honestly, it has nothing to do with you, by the way, he says that now, And I still I'm like, no, it does. I don't look like this and I don't look like this, but it But when you're in your healthy brain, you can you can be like, Okay, it really doesn't. So Janna still struggles with that, and that's something that I still try to articulate and explain to her, but it's very, very difficult. So I'm not saying it's easy that all of a sudden you can just flip a switch, but just know, try to remind yourself this honestly has nothing to do with you. And we are not just saying that because Jenna and I lived that every day, okay, and I still struggle with it. So it but it really truly it's it hasn't It really doesn't have anything to do with you. You did not do anything wrong, and you're going to be okay, but you need to You need to get you need to talk to someone and and and get in a better place for you and those kids. Lean on the people that love you and support you, Okay, get help with the kids where you can take care of yourself, because you can't do anything for those kids until you take care of yourself. We're rooting for your girl. Thank you, guys, Okay, thanks for you, honestly, thank you for Sharon the problem. Have a good day alright. Bye. Wow. I hope she leaves. I hate saying that because it's like I always want to give someone the like, but he does not sound like he is willing to try to be a potter. But even again, again, it's not even just about being twenty five or being a child. It's like he just he's not willing to like I don't mean he's child and maybe his brain he's a child. He's like that. He's like a fifteen year old kid looking at duty magazines. He's a socio life style. I wonder I was gonna ask. I didn't want her to feel obligated to answer and give up any information, but I wanted, you know, geographically and demographically where geographically where they live and if it's I was thinking the same thing, and I didn't thought she would be afraid that it would give something, especially having kids young and she really needs to work on herself because she needs to build up her It just breaks my self confident because she leaves because if not, she's going to have a miserable, freaking life with him. So she hasn't been able to do anything for herself when she was seventeen because she's just been having kids. Yeah, it's not living. Let's lighten things up a bit. Almost got caught story. She was fifteen. It was New Year's Eve. The guys at the time was eighteen and about to leave for boot camp. We went to his church for a New Year's Eve party and I was sick and drugged up on niqul. He wanted to lose his virginity and convinced me to lose mind to him. We sneaked into the church weight room and it happened. I lost my virginity into the church. I was mortified. I'm probably going to help for this. No, you're not. And then we did hear from some other virgins. This is a male virgin who's thirty three. Oh, by the way, he got mad at me. I read that one. Yeah, I shortened it down when he was mad at He was mad at me, but he says sex isn't important to him. But he also said that it was me that I said, you know when I was like, you were twenty two, like like that was so late for it to have sex. And you know, maybe he's a Sexually people just have no interest in it, right, and you're a sexual and they have no interest in having sucks. It's fine. I don't know, but we're not. Thanks for listening. That's awesome, and this is scholar. This is interesting. She's been with her husband she was nineteen. They've been together thirty three years. They've been at thirty three years, and now her husband is thinking, you know, I never dated much. Would it be cheating if I started dating some other people? What? What? Uh? That's what she says. She says, after thirty or three years of marriage, we don't necessarily want to have sex with anybody else. But he decided that he's never dated much and things would be interesting to be with someone of a different personality. Is that still cheating? Yes? Really such a thing as an emotional affair or is it just curiosity emotional affair? So do you guys think call passes are cheating? Yes, if you're putting your whatever in another whatever, you're cheating. Or if you're talking or texting or you're cheating that. But that goes back to the whole. If people like to watch porn together, have or have three sims or whatever it is, Yeah, one of those things. If you know, it's just And then she says, if you have sex with someone else, I feel like you have to ask him to be tested before I do it with him, because I don't know where that girl is bad? Oh my god. I mean everybody has their own life. Whatever works for you, girlfriend would do it. I just know it would not work for me, and I would send my man for I mean think they're probably in their fifties. Yeah, three years. I mean I always joke about like, oh if Shampain shows up, I'm off se uh but it would still Bill his personality so weird? Do you just wanted to tell you jokes while you guys like sleep together? Is the show over? I wouldn't even talk about Halloween. Customers, go ahead, you can do off a couple. So, um, been waiting a week for this. I can order my freaking costumes. Well here's here's the few that I got from Instagram. Um. They asked some mo wanna so you would be what's his favor? Yes, Mally you would have hair and tattoo that's nice al right, next your shirt off, just like all tattoos, Mallie with big freaking hair. They need to be the grandma. Well, I don't know, it was my favorite, but then Jolie could be Moanna. That'd be so cute, and I could be even like I could be like maybe the Chicken or something, but I love that one. And then um, someone said the Incredibles but um and then okay, this is really funny originality, e. This is a funny one. Mommy Daddy, baby shark do do do do? Oh? My mom shark? Who would be like that was funny? We get on the sharks, so it's like it'd be daddy and you know, like I just I don't know, Yeah, I think. I mean we didn't know everybody because we're walking down to the tom and all the kids would hear us and start chiming in. Yeah, I know, So those are this I like my favorites are the Mowana you being him, and then m the baby shark to do to do? Okay, that's zinc Yeah, monsters inc. Where my Mike would be Sally, not Mike, and then you would be Mike Whowski and then Jolie would be there's a picture of a monster here. I'm not sure that monster has a name, but it's one of the monsters from Oh no, it's the Little Girls the monster. Yeah that's cute. Well, Jolie was Jolie was a monster two years ago. So I don't want to do that one right. But if Mike was really Wonka, you were Bruk, the one that blows up into a big would be Jolie. Jolie is the lompa. I'd be the because I'm pregnant, and then Jolie would be because she's like, I want that. How about Julia's Captain hat? And you guys are thinking one thing too. I feel like that's been done. Anything one thing to have. But if Jolie's cat in the hat, it's pretty good. Janny Janet is Winnie the Pooh, Julie is Piglet, and Mike is Christopher Robin don't tigger, But all right, that's cute. Despicable me. Julie's a minion, Mike is grew and your Mrs Grow one was my favorite. I love that. That one's cute. That one could be cute. Okay, we're gonna think about those. If you guys have any more though, yeah, that could be cool. It's cool. Jannah Craman, I heart media dot com. If you have any more interesting one so far, I so like them. Wanna and Baby Shark to today was fun, guys, it was It was deep hi all the way around. Um, but thank you so much to Hella Fresh for a total of six dollars off visit how Love Fresh dot com. Slash Cramer sixty stamps dot com, free postage, a digital scale, and a four week trial at stamps dot com and entered Janna. Outdoor Voices for off your first order of a hundred dollars or more, Visit outdoor Voices dot com slash Janna, and entered Jannah The New Yorker Go to New Yorker dot com slash Janna. Listeners of podcasts say fifty when they enter code Janna. And of course, thank you to sugar Bear Hair. Go to sugar Bear Hair dot com slash Janna for a beautiful hair and healthier you guys. I'm pumped to wind out next week. It's going to be a good one. I love you. I