Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.

Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.

Hi guys, Hello, Hi, Oh well we've just had some snow. We've had some snow days we have. You know, one of my friends posted the other day who doesn't isn't in our industry? And it actually kind of made me laugh. She was like, what's with the fashion show photo shoots in the snow? So she was like, why is my feed just full of like people in perfect ski suits? And I was like, yeah, so you can always check in here and know that that's not true. Well, it was funny because I was talking to one of our girlfriends in Queendom well minus two, there's three left, but process of elimination. But she was basically saying how she was, you know, she had a lot of work to do, so she was she you know, she felt bad because she saw everybody out on Instagram with the kids in the snow, and I'm like, listen, yeah, I was like, it's all lies. Friend. Yes, we had fun for five minutes and then Jess like his coming.

Hi guys, Hello, Hi, Oh well we've just had some snow. We've had some snow days we have. You know, one of my friends posted the other day who doesn't isn't in our industry? And it actually kind of made me laugh. She was like, what's with the fashion show photo shoots in the snow? So she was like, why is my feed just full of like people in perfect ski suits? And I was like, yeah, so you can always check in here and know that that's not true. Well, it was funny because I was talking to one of our girlfriends in Queendom well minus two, there's three left, but process of elimination. But she was basically saying how she was, you know, she had a lot of work to do, so she was she you know, she felt bad because she saw everybody out on Instagram with the kids in the snow, and I'm like, listen, yeah, I was like, it's all lies. Friend. Yes, we had fun for five minutes and then Jess like his coming.

Down, this is not fun.

Down, this is not fun.

And I'm like and I felt But at first I didn't post it because I'm like, I'm literally laughing at him, Oh, it's you have to laugh at that though, But you know, people are like, don't laugh at your kids. But that was I'm sorry, that's what's funny. I've never identified more with a human in all my life. I was like, Jace, come live with me. I'm your person.

And I'm like and I felt But at first I didn't post it because I'm like, I'm literally laughing at him, Oh, it's you have to laugh at that though, But you know, people are like, don't laugh at your kids. But that was I'm sorry, that's what's funny. I've never identified more with a human in all my life. I was like, Jace, come live with me. I'm your person.

He also looked like he was having fun at first, so's you know what I mean. In my head, I was like, he looks like he's having fun. He's halfway smiling as he's saying this is not fun.

He also looked like he was having fun at first, so's you know what I mean. In my head, I was like, he looks like he's having fun. He's halfway smiling as he's saying this is not fun.

I feel like, yeah, he was screaming at the top, then this is not fun, and then I think at the bottom he liked it. But it was. I mean, it was five minutes and my friend we all got dressed. It took us twenty five minutes to get dressed for a five minute snowplayed. Somebody has to pee the minute they're dressed. You have to undress. So I'm like, don't feel bad. I'm like, Instagram is just full of lies. Oh I didn't go out. I didn't have fun though. I mean, I will say Jolie is my girl when it comes to I mean, she just was rolling buried her in the snow like she's like, mom, bury me like she's my little Michigan heart. With the snow, I feel nervous. I got nervous in the snowstorm that I my kids might move someplace cold to live forever, and I'm gonna have to move there to be with grand babies because they're so in right now and I am not. Who's in love and Legend are outside like they are all in on snow. Yeah. Yeah, I just actually the worst.

I feel like, yeah, he was screaming at the top, then this is not fun, and then I think at the bottom he liked it. But it was. I mean, it was five minutes and my friend we all got dressed. It took us twenty five minutes to get dressed for a five minute snowplayed. Somebody has to pee the minute they're dressed. You have to undress. So I'm like, don't feel bad. I'm like, Instagram is just full of lies. Oh I didn't go out. I didn't have fun though. I mean, I will say Jolie is my girl when it comes to I mean, she just was rolling buried her in the snow like she's like, mom, bury me like she's my little Michigan heart. With the snow, I feel nervous. I got nervous in the snowstorm that I my kids might move someplace cold to live forever, and I'm gonna have to move there to be with grand babies because they're so in right now and I am not. Who's in love and Legend are outside like they are all in on snow. Yeah. Yeah, I just actually the worst.

I don't even really go out. Mine just kind of get I mean, Nick might go out every now and then.

I don't even really go out. Mine just kind of get I mean, Nick might go out every now and then.

They just go, well, we have a great hill for sledding in our front yard. So I did bribe Jase the second day because I just am like the thing with me in him, I'm like, you're a kid, like have fun. It's like he's allergic to fun. Sometimes I feel bad even saying but he's just he's just more sensitive and just more like doesn't Yeah, he's just really it's comfort, yeah, you know, but I'm like I want him to like have fun. I saw this quote or seam or whatever it was, was basically saying, I know you're busy, You've had a hard day. It's a long day of work, X Y and Z, But remember this is their childhood. And that really hit me because I'm like, you know, what, what do you want? Like go put the TV. It's like this is a childhood, like have fun and like this is these are the years that they're going to remember. Yeah, I do think he'll grow out of that, for sure. I don't And honestly, I don't know, because it's just how he's always been. He loved Love was like him and I think it was because of COVID and yeah, with at that age, every I remember post COVID, he was like home, home, home because we just stayed home same. Yeah, and so I was like baby no, Like we would remember Mike and I would take him out just to go to the grocery store because but he would scream home. Well, it's weird. Like I remember the first time we took Legend out his real first outing was monster jam and he was like kind of it was so stimulate. He was like yallow trash can And I thought maybe we should have just like hopped by Walgreens or something and don't take the edge off, you know, like it's a lot for their brains. But Love was always like that. And now she's like she rides roller coasters at Disney and yeah, well that's yeah.

They just go, well, we have a great hill for sledding in our front yard. So I did bribe Jase the second day because I just am like the thing with me in him, I'm like, you're a kid, like have fun. It's like he's allergic to fun. Sometimes I feel bad even saying but he's just he's just more sensitive and just more like doesn't Yeah, he's just really it's comfort, yeah, you know, but I'm like I want him to like have fun. I saw this quote or seam or whatever it was, was basically saying, I know you're busy, You've had a hard day. It's a long day of work, X Y and Z, But remember this is their childhood. And that really hit me because I'm like, you know, what, what do you want? Like go put the TV. It's like this is a childhood, like have fun and like this is these are the years that they're going to remember. Yeah, I do think he'll grow out of that, for sure. I don't And honestly, I don't know, because it's just how he's always been. He loved Love was like him and I think it was because of COVID and yeah, with at that age, every I remember post COVID, he was like home, home, home because we just stayed home same. Yeah, and so I was like baby no, Like we would remember Mike and I would take him out just to go to the grocery store because but he would scream home. Well, it's weird. Like I remember the first time we took Legend out his real first outing was monster jam and he was like kind of it was so stimulate. He was like yallow trash can And I thought maybe we should have just like hopped by Walgreens or something and don't take the edge off, you know, like it's a lot for their brains. But Love was always like that. And now she's like she rides roller coasters at Disney and yeah, well that's yeah.

I mean I think all personalities are, you know, they're all different. Yeah, you may gro out of it, or he just may be one that doesn't enjoy that.

I mean I think all personalities are, you know, they're all different. Yeah, you may gro out of it, or he just may be one that doesn't enjoy that.

And that's okay. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine with it. I just when it comes to snow though, I think because I grew up in the snow, I'm like, this is fun. Yeah, you know, but I have to because I grew up in the snow. I'm like, stay inside, it's miserable, and.

And that's okay. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine with it. I just when it comes to snow though, I think because I grew up in the snow, I'm like, this is fun. Yeah, you know, but I have to because I grew up in the snow. I'm like, stay inside, it's miserable, and.

I'm like.

I'm like.

I loved it as a kid, Like I loved it. Oh my gosh, we do ice igloes like the whole thing. You were also a nice skater, though, sure I was used to cold. Having said that, have you guys watched that movie Society in the Snow? Yes? Okay, So Alan and I watched it over this This Arctic blast is what the weather people were saying. He's like, Alan's like, we survived the blast because they can't just say a snowstorm. They have to make it super dramatic. So we watched it and so are kind of running joke, which it shouldn't be a joke, but we're like, he's because we asked would you be able to survive? And so I'm like, yeah, I think I could. And then two seconds outside like my feater, he's like, really the Andies, you could survive the Andiess. But Society of the Snow is a true story of these ur Gandhi. They're uh, I'm not football, what's the rugby players? The plane crashes, I'm gonna butcher this. I think it's nineteen seventy two, and there were these survivors that were there for seventy two days outside in the Andes and they stopped the search, like the whole thing. So we watched this movie and it takes about seventy two days to watch it because it's so long. But it's a great it's a great man. It's a good movie.

I loved it as a kid, Like I loved it. Oh my gosh, we do ice igloes like the whole thing. You were also a nice skater, though, sure I was used to cold. Having said that, have you guys watched that movie Society in the Snow? Yes? Okay, So Alan and I watched it over this This Arctic blast is what the weather people were saying. He's like, Alan's like, we survived the blast because they can't just say a snowstorm. They have to make it super dramatic. So we watched it and so are kind of running joke, which it shouldn't be a joke, but we're like, he's because we asked would you be able to survive? And so I'm like, yeah, I think I could. And then two seconds outside like my feater, he's like, really the Andies, you could survive the Andiess. But Society of the Snow is a true story of these ur Gandhi. They're uh, I'm not football, what's the rugby players? The plane crashes, I'm gonna butcher this. I think it's nineteen seventy two, and there were these survivors that were there for seventy two days outside in the Andes and they stopped the search, like the whole thing. So we watched this movie and it takes about seventy two days to watch it because it's so long. But it's a great it's a great man. It's a good movie.

It just gave me such anxiety though, and I don't usually get anxiety from movies. I had to like kind of stop for a while and go back and stop and go back.

It just gave me such anxiety though, and I don't usually get anxiety from movies. I had to like kind of stop for a while and go back and stop and go back.

It was a lot.

It was a lot.

Not to give it away, but like when the like snow came into the into the plane like twice in a row, I'm like in my head, I'm like just take me like I couldn't.

Not to give it away, but like when the like snow came into the into the plane like twice in a row, I'm like in my head, I'm like just take me like I couldn't.

I couldn't do it. Well, here's the question that I want to post. And this might be this is morbid, but I want to know, like, first of all, yeah, seventy two days, what would you do to survive? Is basically the question because these and this is something they didn't show in the movie, but they got a lot of hate for what they did sure out there. Yeah, so they had to eat the dead bodies to survive. Guys, I don't even eat chicken, So I think we all know. I'm first. They should eat me. Actually, so I guess the first one. What would you do to survive? Not much? That's my answer. Not much, you guys, it's miserable, Like being cold to me is like miserable. And we grew up in the same place. I do not enjoy I hate to say it, like it's beautiful for a day while it's sunny. I think that's one benefit we get here because Michigan stays so gray for so long. Yeah, I just do not. I don't enjoy it. We have friends that are like, come to bail. If you're put in that situation and it's either life or death, dy like you like, you know you will die if you don't eat because you can only have what and you'll die if you don't have food in seven days, water and three. I think it was threes. The threes.

I couldn't do it. Well, here's the question that I want to post. And this might be this is morbid, but I want to know, like, first of all, yeah, seventy two days, what would you do to survive? Is basically the question because these and this is something they didn't show in the movie, but they got a lot of hate for what they did sure out there. Yeah, so they had to eat the dead bodies to survive. Guys, I don't even eat chicken, So I think we all know. I'm first. They should eat me. Actually, so I guess the first one. What would you do to survive? Not much? That's my answer. Not much, you guys, it's miserable, Like being cold to me is like miserable. And we grew up in the same place. I do not enjoy I hate to say it, like it's beautiful for a day while it's sunny. I think that's one benefit we get here because Michigan stays so gray for so long. Yeah, I just do not. I don't enjoy it. We have friends that are like, come to bail. If you're put in that situation and it's either life or death, dy like you like, you know you will die if you don't eat because you can only have what and you'll die if you don't have food in seven days, water and three. I think it was threes. The threes.

I think it was like three weeks or something, three days without one. It's like in the movie they said that something about threes. Okay, I don't remember exactly, but what would you do?

I think it was like three weeks or something, three days without one. It's like in the movie they said that something about threes. Okay, I don't remember exactly, but what would you do?

Would you like?

Would you like?

Then?

Then?

That kind of posed the question because Alan's like, do you think you'd survive? Would you eat my leg cat?

That kind of posed the question because Alan's like, do you think you'd survive? Would you eat my leg cat?

I honestly don't know. I mean I would think if I got as far as those people did, because so many people didn't. I mean, so many people didn't even survive to that point. But if you're at that point, I mean I probably would have.

I honestly don't know. I mean I would think if I got as far as those people did, because so many people didn't. I mean, so many people didn't even survive to that point. But if you're at that point, I mean I probably would have.

You'd be non at my ribs. You're like a kit kat or something, you know, not yours. Definitely somewhere what I told you a go macro bar with a heartbeat. It's not gonna work for us. Here's I told Alan though about that, And this is what I would do in that situation. Personally, if it had been a couple days for me, I can't sit still and just wait to be rescued. I would have started walking walking, I guest as soon as I could because I know that if they did get found, then someone would, you know, go find me or something or say, hey, she started walking that way. I could not just sit there and wait for someone to come rescue me. Now I get the circumstances, but I just was like, I'd rather die trying than than than die.

You'd be non at my ribs. You're like a kit kat or something, you know, not yours. Definitely somewhere what I told you a go macro bar with a heartbeat. It's not gonna work for us. Here's I told Alan though about that, And this is what I would do in that situation. Personally, if it had been a couple days for me, I can't sit still and just wait to be rescued. I would have started walking walking, I guest as soon as I could because I know that if they did get found, then someone would, you know, go find me or something or say, hey, she started walking that way. I could not just sit there and wait for someone to come rescue me. Now I get the circumstances, but I just was like, I'd rather die trying than than than die.

Waiting, especially once they went to the top of mountain and realized you couldn't see it, you know, like I feel like there was hope until that point, but then they walked up and it was like they looked down and it was like you can't see it from the sky. Then I would have worked on what do we need to do to make this work? To start walking?

Waiting, especially once they went to the top of mountain and realized you couldn't see it, you know, like I feel like there was hope until that point, but then they walked up and it was like they looked down and it was like you can't see it from the sky. Then I would have worked on what do we need to do to make this work? To start walking?

Yeah, I agree, but it also maybe goes I don't want to get in the plane. But it was also nineteen seventy something, so but anyways, I don't know why. I guess gotten that a spoiler alert. I still don't know if I would eat, but I don't know why I would like to be I'd like to start walking first, because again, you're going to deteriorate as time goes on. So it's like my healthy self would want to start the trek. Yeah, as as soon as possible to get out. I'm a movement person, so we would have to make something happen. Yeah, yeah, poofties. Anyways, I just.

Yeah, I agree, but it also maybe goes I don't want to get in the plane. But it was also nineteen seventy something, so but anyways, I don't know why. I guess gotten that a spoiler alert. I still don't know if I would eat, but I don't know why I would like to be I'd like to start walking first, because again, you're going to deteriorate as time goes on. So it's like my healthy self would want to start the trek. Yeah, as as soon as possible to get out. I'm a movement person, so we would have to make something happen. Yeah, yeah, poofties. Anyways, I just.

Can't believe they got so much hate for that, like survival, and it's not like they killed them, they were oh yeah, and a lot of survival is such my body instinct too. That's why I say, I don't know, like, I don't know if instincts would kick in to where it's just like, how do I survive?

Can't believe they got so much hate for that, like survival, and it's not like they killed them, they were oh yeah, and a lot of survival is such my body instinct too. That's why I say, I don't know, like, I don't know if instincts would kick in to where it's just like, how do I survive?

You know? I mean I can barely swallow an Omego three without puking, because so like it would, but I think that'd be really hard. But again, if you're done, you know, and you're dead, I don't know, so to not out. I do have metal rods in my bag, so over what it's worth, y'all could use that. I just feel like somewhere, I know, right hike up the mountain, I guess I don't know. It's hardware and fam weird. I'm glad you watched that so we could talk about them. I'm glad I'm never going to so we can already all right, we're gonna take a break and then we're going to get Kristen and Dina on They've got a podcast called after Bedtime Big Little Feelings Instagram as well, so it's going to be it's a it's a mommy group essentially that you wish she had, so get them on after the break.

You know? I mean I can barely swallow an Omego three without puking, because so like it would, but I think that'd be really hard. But again, if you're done, you know, and you're dead, I don't know, so to not out. I do have metal rods in my bag, so over what it's worth, y'all could use that. I just feel like somewhere, I know, right hike up the mountain, I guess I don't know. It's hardware and fam weird. I'm glad you watched that so we could talk about them. I'm glad I'm never going to so we can already all right, we're gonna take a break and then we're going to get Kristen and Dina on They've got a podcast called after Bedtime Big Little Feelings Instagram as well, so it's going to be it's a it's a mommy group essentially that you wish she had, so get them on after the break.

Hey guys, hi, hi hi.

Hey guys, hi, hi hi.

Okay, So Kristen is literally obsessed with you guys, so I am she basically yeah, and you girls are again, like anytime you're ever in Nashville, let's just do a little like mom Mom Night. That'd be super fun. But Kristen, do you want to just take it away with your obsession here? Well yeah, okay, so I'm not obsessed like I am with Jessica Simpsons. I want to clarify, I don't know your birthdays or like your favorite color, so it's healthy. See in that way, I actually didn't know what you looked like until just now. So it's like the great news is I'm obsessed with your content in your brains. So it's like, that's the best. I felt like you were one of the first resources I found that felt to a line with the way I was parenting and the need to actually like understand these little people more than just like we know innately that they need discipline, and they need boundaries because that's part of how they feel safe. We know it. But then you put yourself like in the actual like scenarios, and it's really difficult sometimes to parent strong willed world leaders. I'm positive I'm just going to keep speaking it over him. Yeah, but the I am raising Will Ferrell, Okay, so there's part of it. He's also the most alpha man I've ever met in my life besides my own father. Tell me how to raise my son. Go ahead, dis start anywhere you'd like, but more info.

Okay, So Kristen is literally obsessed with you guys, so I am she basically yeah, and you girls are again, like anytime you're ever in Nashville, let's just do a little like mom Mom Night. That'd be super fun. But Kristen, do you want to just take it away with your obsession here? Well yeah, okay, so I'm not obsessed like I am with Jessica Simpsons. I want to clarify, I don't know your birthdays or like your favorite color, so it's healthy. See in that way, I actually didn't know what you looked like until just now. So it's like the great news is I'm obsessed with your content in your brains. So it's like, that's the best. I felt like you were one of the first resources I found that felt to a line with the way I was parenting and the need to actually like understand these little people more than just like we know innately that they need discipline, and they need boundaries because that's part of how they feel safe. We know it. But then you put yourself like in the actual like scenarios, and it's really difficult sometimes to parent strong willed world leaders. I'm positive I'm just going to keep speaking it over him. Yeah, but the I am raising Will Ferrell, Okay, so there's part of it. He's also the most alpha man I've ever met in my life besides my own father. Tell me how to raise my son. Go ahead, dis start anywhere you'd like, but more info.

But I think you answered it right. It's about firm boundaries.

But I think you answered it right. It's about firm boundaries.

It's about letting them know that you know, you do hear them, you do see them, right, because I do think that that's where our parents' generation kind of missed the boat, right, and it leaves certain kids feeling really unempowered. Not maybe not the strong willed ones, but they're unempowered and they're people pleasers. And that's how I am now, right, We're just like, whatever you need. I'm so sorry. Here's here's a big tip. I'm so sorry to bother you. It's your job, but I'm so sorry to bother you. And then for those strong willed kids when they don't feel seen and they don't feel heard. While you're setting the boundary, by the way, you're not letting them do what they want. You're setting the boundary.

It's about letting them know that you know, you do hear them, you do see them, right, because I do think that that's where our parents' generation kind of missed the boat, right, and it leaves certain kids feeling really unempowered. Not maybe not the strong willed ones, but they're unempowered and they're people pleasers. And that's how I am now, right, We're just like, whatever you need. I'm so sorry. Here's here's a big tip. I'm so sorry to bother you. It's your job, but I'm so sorry to bother you. And then for those strong willed kids when they don't feel seen and they don't feel heard. While you're setting the boundary, by the way, you're not letting them do what they want. You're setting the boundary.

But when you.

But when you.

Avoid the like making them really feel heard, you're just exasperating. You're just dealing with the show all day, right, So it's like all we really have to do is know as parents, we know what's best. We're holding those healthy boundaries and making our kids feel seen and heard and safe at the same time.

Avoid the like making them really feel heard, you're just exasperating. You're just dealing with the show all day, right, So it's like all we really have to do is know as parents, we know what's best. We're holding those healthy boundaries and making our kids feel seen and heard and safe at the same time.

Yeah, which is hard, by the way, when they're like screaming at you and they're on the floor, or they're like doing exactly what you just told them not to do, it's hard.

Yeah, which is hard, by the way, when they're like screaming at you and they're on the floor, or they're like doing exactly what you just told them not to do, it's hard.

It's hard.

It's hard.

What about like, And I've said this a few times with my daughter, where it's I can tell that she wants to say something, but I don't. It's like she won't say it because it's either she might think it might hurt my feelings or I don't know. I Sometimes I just look at it and I'm like, Jolie, do you want to do you have any feelings around something? She's like no, And I'm like you do, like you do? So I'm like and then I like, I feel like I'm trying to push to like know what it is, but it's like, how do I get her to meet me? It's like, you know, you can always talk to me and I'm here to listen to anything you want to say, but she still doesn't come. So I'm like, what did I do wrong? And then like, how do I like repair this to have her talk to me?

What about like, And I've said this a few times with my daughter, where it's I can tell that she wants to say something, but I don't. It's like she won't say it because it's either she might think it might hurt my feelings or I don't know. I Sometimes I just look at it and I'm like, Jolie, do you want to do you have any feelings around something? She's like no, And I'm like you do, like you do? So I'm like and then I like, I feel like I'm trying to push to like know what it is, but it's like, how do I get her to meet me? It's like, you know, you can always talk to me and I'm here to listen to anything you want to say, but she still doesn't come. So I'm like, what did I do wrong? And then like, how do I like repair this to have her talk to me?

Yeah?

Yeah?

I mean I'm curious how old is she?

I mean I'm curious how old is she?

By the way, She's about to be eight in January or this okay, the end of this month.

By the way, She's about to be eight in January or this okay, the end of this month.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, So they start to have like their own little lives at this point. You know, they're getting bigger and they have their own experiences, but a few thoughts. I'm sure Kristin has them too. I don't think you're doing anything wrong necessarily. All children are just different in how they experience their feelings, share about their feelings, handle them. You know, some kids are just not as comfortable directly talking about feelings. And there's a few things that we can do at home to kind of, you know, support it. The main thing is we want to normalize feelings. So even us sharing about our feelings, like oh, you know today at work, there was someone we kind of didn't agree on things. I was feeling frustrated. I took a second, and then I had a conversation to share, you know, and we talked it through. Even just kind of normalizing feelings in general, just it helps so much because there's no such thing as a bad feeling, and the feelings are happening inside, whether we share about them or not. Really, you know the.

Yeah, So they start to have like their own little lives at this point. You know, they're getting bigger and they have their own experiences, but a few thoughts. I'm sure Kristin has them too. I don't think you're doing anything wrong necessarily. All children are just different in how they experience their feelings, share about their feelings, handle them. You know, some kids are just not as comfortable directly talking about feelings. And there's a few things that we can do at home to kind of, you know, support it. The main thing is we want to normalize feelings. So even us sharing about our feelings, like oh, you know today at work, there was someone we kind of didn't agree on things. I was feeling frustrated. I took a second, and then I had a conversation to share, you know, and we talked it through. Even just kind of normalizing feelings in general, just it helps so much because there's no such thing as a bad feeling, and the feelings are happening inside, whether we share about them or not. Really, you know the.

One My daughter is seven, so she'd get into the similar age, and she's probably very similar to where they really don't want to like ruffle the boat.

One My daughter is seven, so she'd get into the similar age, and she's probably very similar to where they really don't want to like ruffle the boat.

They don't want to ruffle any feathers, not about you.

They don't want to ruffle any feathers, not about you.

But I'm frankly more worried about that kid than my strong willed kid. Like I know it's hard to a parent a strong oiled kid. I'm more worried about, you know, the little girl or boy that's like really wanting to keep the peace and not wanting to ruffle feathers. It's nothing you did wrong, right, some of us are more prone to that You're doing great because you're trying to have that dialogue. I do find with mine an amazing thing that we do is at bedtime, so it's just me and her or just her dad and her. We'll do like what made you happy today? What made you sad today? And what are you looking forward to tomorrow?

But I'm frankly more worried about that kid than my strong willed kid. Like I know it's hard to a parent a strong oiled kid. I'm more worried about, you know, the little girl or boy that's like really wanting to keep the peace and not wanting to ruffle feathers. It's nothing you did wrong, right, some of us are more prone to that You're doing great because you're trying to have that dialogue. I do find with mine an amazing thing that we do is at bedtime, so it's just me and her or just her dad and her. We'll do like what made you happy today? What made you sad today? And what are you looking forward to tomorrow?

Right?

Right?

Or Rose and Thorn or anything like that.

Or Rose and Thorn or anything like that.

We do sad part and happy part every single dinner, which now they go, Mommy, what was your sad part of the day? So I don't even have to say anymore. Now it's become something they want to so like it's every single night, and I do like that piece.

We do sad part and happy part every single dinner, which now they go, Mommy, what was your sad part of the day? So I don't even have to say anymore. Now it's become something they want to so like it's every single night, and I do like that piece.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like that, And especially if you do do it one on one too, where there's like not a lot of chaos and it's just them. And maybe since already doing that at dinner, you could do something differ like Rose and Thorn or it just opens up. You'll be so surprised how just that intimate moment of just them, there's no siblings, there's no food around, and you know they really open up about their day or something that might have happened.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like that, And especially if you do do it one on one too, where there's like not a lot of chaos and it's just them. And maybe since already doing that at dinner, you could do something differ like Rose and Thorn or it just opens up. You'll be so surprised how just that intimate moment of just them, there's no siblings, there's no food around, and you know they really open up about their day or something that might have happened.

Yeah, you could also One last idea is keep a little bull in your house that at any point she can write down whatever she's feeling or wanting to share about and kind of drop it in for you to see. Just another idea like that.

Yeah, you could also One last idea is keep a little bull in your house that at any point she can write down whatever she's feeling or wanting to share about and kind of drop it in for you to see. Just another idea like that.

It's funny because my daughter is like our daughters are the same age and our sons are the same age, and then we both just had brand new babies, so we're like we kind of lean into each other. But we've really come to realize, like our sons are really so different, you know, Like Jase is such a sweet, handsome, good person, and Legend is a sweet handsome person, but I'm in an abusive relationship with him right now. My son is just not he's not the he's just not really the typical boy. Like he's just more he's just a little softer. He's a lot softer. It's okay, we're friends. Yeah, he's quite a bit softer. Actually he's a good man. But my daughter pulls out her file folder at the end of the day, like I get in bed with her and we like, you know, and she's like, great, glad you're here. And she starts like, you know, like all the things she's ready to download me on because she's waiting.

It's funny because my daughter is like our daughters are the same age and our sons are the same age, and then we both just had brand new babies, so we're like we kind of lean into each other. But we've really come to realize, like our sons are really so different, you know, Like Jase is such a sweet, handsome, good person, and Legend is a sweet handsome person, but I'm in an abusive relationship with him right now. My son is just not he's not the he's just not really the typical boy. Like he's just more he's just a little softer. He's a lot softer. It's okay, we're friends. Yeah, he's quite a bit softer. Actually he's a good man. But my daughter pulls out her file folder at the end of the day, like I get in bed with her and we like, you know, and she's like, great, glad you're here. And she starts like, you know, like all the things she's ready to download me on because she's waiting.

I've gottenn agenda, mom, let's go.

I've gottenn agenda, mom, let's go.

She does. So let me I think, because two thirds of us are in this season, can we ask if there's any best advice for we just brought home new babies and the gap is pretty big because both big kids are like eight and five, and now we have like a two months and seven month old. Is there any like proactive things you could think in your arsenal for us to participate in, like daily or weekly. Maybe that would help with keeping I think so far right on your team too. Everybody is really loves the baby, so we don't have any of that. No disliking, Yeah, no disliking of the baby.

She does. So let me I think, because two thirds of us are in this season, can we ask if there's any best advice for we just brought home new babies and the gap is pretty big because both big kids are like eight and five, and now we have like a two months and seven month old. Is there any like proactive things you could think in your arsenal for us to participate in, like daily or weekly. Maybe that would help with keeping I think so far right on your team too. Everybody is really loves the baby, so we don't have any of that. No disliking, Yeah, no disliking of the baby.

That's a lot, isn't it so much?

That's a lot, isn't it so much?

Which well, it's so much easier if you will with the big kid stage, because that's sort of like primal jealousy. Whoa, I don't know what's going on, is kind of missing, which is nice. I have it was right like a seven year old four year old when I had the newborn, and it was such a different thing than having two kids closer together where they love the baby and they're excited about the baby and they totally get it, which is nice.

Which well, it's so much easier if you will with the big kid stage, because that's sort of like primal jealousy. Whoa, I don't know what's going on, is kind of missing, which is nice. I have it was right like a seven year old four year old when I had the newborn, and it was such a different thing than having two kids closer together where they love the baby and they're excited about the baby and they totally get it, which is nice.

I think in my.

I think in my.

Household the thing now that he's fifteen months old, I can see when you add that third and it's just less attention no matter how you splice it right, whether it's because they're a newborn or just because you just have another little body, so we have the ten minute miracle. This really does work for not just toddlers but also big kids, where every single day if you can take ten minutes just you and that kid. And I think especially for big kids, it can feel overwhelming because you're like I should be taking them to Disneyland, I should go to you know, we should be going to color me mine or whatever. But really, truly, even at the big kid stage, if you take ten minutes and have somebody else take the baby, and somebody else take and put your phone down and do anything. It could be quite coloring, it could be anything. It's just giving them that attention that in the chaos in my house really doesn't happen.

Household the thing now that he's fifteen months old, I can see when you add that third and it's just less attention no matter how you splice it right, whether it's because they're a newborn or just because you just have another little body, so we have the ten minute miracle. This really does work for not just toddlers but also big kids, where every single day if you can take ten minutes just you and that kid. And I think especially for big kids, it can feel overwhelming because you're like I should be taking them to Disneyland, I should go to you know, we should be going to color me mine or whatever. But really, truly, even at the big kid stage, if you take ten minutes and have somebody else take the baby, and somebody else take and put your phone down and do anything. It could be quite coloring, it could be anything. It's just giving them that attention that in the chaos in my house really doesn't happen.

For the doctor totally that too. Yeah, he said how that affects the brain and what that does for a child too, which is you know, I think that's great. Kat you were saying, or you were saying not soft.

For the doctor totally that too. Yeah, he said how that affects the brain and what that does for a child too, which is you know, I think that's great. Kat you were saying, or you were saying not soft.

Well, I just don't think that you can equate and not to like contradict what you were saying, but that like good kid soft. No, I don't think he's a bad kid, you know what I mean, He's just think alpha. They're also because like I have an alpha boy who is now fourteen, very alpha, but also very much a good kid, you know what I mean. So I just wanted to say because it sounded like we were kind of, you know, comparing that. But also I think that ten minute thing. I don't even realize that I do that. Oh, but I do that. I mean I I've always said, and we've kind of talked about this before, making sure that you have time for each child, because I've got three, but fourteen to seven, and man, is that so important?

Well, I just don't think that you can equate and not to like contradict what you were saying, but that like good kid soft. No, I don't think he's a bad kid, you know what I mean, He's just think alpha. They're also because like I have an alpha boy who is now fourteen, very alpha, but also very much a good kid, you know what I mean. So I just wanted to say because it sounded like we were kind of, you know, comparing that. But also I think that ten minute thing. I don't even realize that I do that. Oh, but I do that. I mean I I've always said, and we've kind of talked about this before, making sure that you have time for each child, because I've got three, but fourteen to seven, and man, is that so important?

It feels like that way for me as an adult, even you guys like but.

It feels like that way for me as an adult, even you guys like but.

Even the fourteen year old doesn't even know it, doesn't realize it. We may talk about a lot, we may talk about nothing like it's just And then also, I was going to say, when you were asking about Jolie, it hasn't ha started as much with Ramsey, but I really did it with emmy very specific questions, so like I started asking her not just you know, how is your day or what did you do at school? Just very like, hey, who all sitting at the lunch table? Now, okay, so so and so is sitting at the other table, So what does that mean?

Even the fourteen year old doesn't even know it, doesn't realize it. We may talk about a lot, we may talk about nothing like it's just And then also, I was going to say, when you were asking about Jolie, it hasn't ha started as much with Ramsey, but I really did it with emmy very specific questions, so like I started asking her not just you know, how is your day or what did you do at school? Just very like, hey, who all sitting at the lunch table? Now, okay, so so and so is sitting at the other table, So what does that mean?

Are they?

Are they?

And we just like asked very specific, gets the conversation going. Yeah, so I feel like that you avoid.

And we just like asked very specific, gets the conversation going. Yeah, so I feel like that you avoid.

The whole like how was school today good? You know, what did you do?

The whole like how was school today good? You know, what did you do?

Yeah, that's what I normally will do. That's what I'll get like, how is your practice good? Okay, Like okay, so did this you know? I mean, it's just very specific. Finally gets her talking because she would prefer probably not to talk about all this stuff too. But then I just really get her going, and that's just been helpful.

Yeah, that's what I normally will do. That's what I'll get like, how is your practice good? Okay, Like okay, so did this you know? I mean, it's just very specific. Finally gets her talking because she would prefer probably not to talk about all this stuff too. But then I just really get her going, and that's just been helpful.

I think where I fall to my problem, which is I'd love to lean on you guys for this is you know, the ten minute thing. I'm like, all right, I would love to do that. Having said that, if I was to do ten minutes, it's like, Jolie and Jace are so together all the time. They play together all the time, and part of that I feel bad because I'm like, go play with your brother, go play with your sister, and they're always playing together where and Jace is you know, He's like, well, if I was to take that minute with Jolie or ten minutes, you know, and I take her to her the nails, but I don't. It's to me, I'm like every day for ten minutes. I'm like, Jace is going to want to just get in on all that, you know, because he's just so I don't want to say codependent on me, but just no, I mean it's they're five, that's if he's just age two, either wants to be around me or Jolie you know, and just on us all the time. And so I think that's you know, I can say go play with Alan or whatever, but it's it's also you know, who want to do what we're doing. So how do I find that time to make sure I get those ten minutes each and then because and then on top of that, is it bad to always say go play with your brother, go play with your sister?

I think where I fall to my problem, which is I'd love to lean on you guys for this is you know, the ten minute thing. I'm like, all right, I would love to do that. Having said that, if I was to do ten minutes, it's like, Jolie and Jace are so together all the time. They play together all the time, and part of that I feel bad because I'm like, go play with your brother, go play with your sister, and they're always playing together where and Jace is you know, He's like, well, if I was to take that minute with Jolie or ten minutes, you know, and I take her to her the nails, but I don't. It's to me, I'm like every day for ten minutes. I'm like, Jace is going to want to just get in on all that, you know, because he's just so I don't want to say codependent on me, but just no, I mean it's they're five, that's if he's just age two, either wants to be around me or Jolie you know, and just on us all the time. And so I think that's you know, I can say go play with Alan or whatever, but it's it's also you know, who want to do what we're doing. So how do I find that time to make sure I get those ten minutes each and then because and then on top of that, is it bad to always say go play with your brother, go play with your sister?

Two questions? I love that.

Two questions? I love that.

Well, first of all, I just want to say again because this is I have true experience with like the literal exact same age gap. So I just have to say, even this week, I'm like I cannot, like, I'm really impressed that you were saying you just do that naturally, because I'm like, I don't. I mean, like like you said, the older two just play together all the time, and then a lot of my focus is on the baby. And then you know, we just go through our day. So a I don't think it has to be every day. I think that you can do what you can. I also think that your partner can step in. I also think that like an aunt can step in. Sometimes Dina will take my kids and just have a one on one time with the oldest or something, you know, just making sure they sometimes feel that attention. And then when it comes to them wanting to be together, I think it's just important that they we normalize that we have special time together. I go on dates with my husband all the time, right, and I think that's important to normalize and to show my kids. And so it's kind of similar where you know, maybe the other one can do screen time or something that they really love, or maybe they're I don't know. We have to get creative with ideas, but just knowing it's never gonna be seventy five minutes, it's really gonna be ten minutes.

Well, first of all, I just want to say again because this is I have true experience with like the literal exact same age gap. So I just have to say, even this week, I'm like I cannot, like, I'm really impressed that you were saying you just do that naturally, because I'm like, I don't. I mean, like like you said, the older two just play together all the time, and then a lot of my focus is on the baby. And then you know, we just go through our day. So a I don't think it has to be every day. I think that you can do what you can. I also think that your partner can step in. I also think that like an aunt can step in. Sometimes Dina will take my kids and just have a one on one time with the oldest or something, you know, just making sure they sometimes feel that attention. And then when it comes to them wanting to be together, I think it's just important that they we normalize that we have special time together. I go on dates with my husband all the time, right, and I think that's important to normalize and to show my kids. And so it's kind of similar where you know, maybe the other one can do screen time or something that they really love, or maybe they're I don't know. We have to get creative with ideas, but just knowing it's never gonna be seventy five minutes, it's really gonna be ten minutes.

Here's a timer we can have, like.

Here's a timer we can have, like.

A visual cueue, just to know we're all gonna be back together in ten minutes. And by the way, you get the ten minutes too, right, This is just for you.

A visual cueue, just to know we're all gonna be back together in ten minutes. And by the way, you get the ten minutes too, right, This is just for you.

Yeah, literally, if I told them just when you said screen time. If I told Joey, like, let's go color Jason, you can watch your screen, She's like, well you watch screen, you know, because it's just yeah, because they don't get it in my house like ever, so I'm gonna have to think of something else because she's big. It's a time minutes up yet, like.

Yeah, literally, if I told them just when you said screen time. If I told Joey, like, let's go color Jason, you can watch your screen, She's like, well you watch screen, you know, because it's just yeah, because they don't get it in my house like ever, so I'm gonna have to think of something else because she's big. It's a time minutes up yet, like.

It takes a little bit of coordinating sometimes, like when I do this recently, I have to literally set up a plan with my husband for that time to be like, okay, you take the other one, like you're doing your special ten minutes now, right, you know.

It takes a little bit of coordinating sometimes, like when I do this recently, I have to literally set up a plan with my husband for that time to be like, okay, you take the other one, like you're doing your special ten minutes now, right, you know.

And I think that's something else because I mean, Alan does My fiance's incredible with the kids, and he'll be like he takes Jason a monthly mandate, so he'll take him to a little restaurant that's in town. So that with that way, I can be like our jolly girl date us. But it's just hard because it's like now the baby, we don't have help. It's just like.

And I think that's something else because I mean, Alan does My fiance's incredible with the kids, and he'll be like he takes Jason a monthly mandate, so he'll take him to a little restaurant that's in town. So that with that way, I can be like our jolly girl date us. But it's just hard because it's like now the baby, we don't have help. It's just like.

Yeah, well and I don't think it has to be that big of a gang, but you know, no where.

Yeah, well and I don't think it has to be that big of a gang, but you know, no where.

I always go though, because I'm like I feel bad that it's not some big.

I always go though, because I'm like I feel bad that it's not some big.

It doesn't Yeah, and that's the thing, and like I was just thinking about it a It got easier for me as I got older. Obviously, they don't play together like they are three kids that do separate things. Maybe the girls will do skincare together every now and then, right, so that but also if we don't get it at home, we get it in the car. So there's also that like because we've got so many sports and it's rare that they're all together, which is not everyone's case, but we're all going different places. So that's where a lot of it ends up happening for us, is just one on one time in the car like the cat.

It doesn't Yeah, and that's the thing, and like I was just thinking about it a It got easier for me as I got older. Obviously, they don't play together like they are three kids that do separate things. Maybe the girls will do skincare together every now and then, right, so that but also if we don't get it at home, we get it in the car. So there's also that like because we've got so many sports and it's rare that they're all together, which is not everyone's case, but we're all going different places. So that's where a lot of it ends up happening for us, is just one on one time in the car like the cat.

By the way, we started doing Harry Potter with my seven year old on the way to gymnastics. Now sometimes the baby and the middle is in the car and so it's not quite the peaceful thing you would imagine, right, But some of the time we have this new ritual where we listen to Harry Potter on the way to gymnastics.

By the way, we started doing Harry Potter with my seven year old on the way to gymnastics. Now sometimes the baby and the middle is in the car and so it's not quite the peaceful thing you would imagine, right, But some of the time we have this new ritual where we listen to Harry Potter on the way to gymnastics.

If I can ever take her alone, that.

If I can ever take her alone, that.

Counts, you know, and you have ten old like I don't think I had special time ten minute miracle on my radar when I had a two month old. I mean, this is not the time to be doing anything other than what you're doing right now, like throw that away and then when your baby three months, four months, six months, they're crawling around, you know, then do the tenmanut miracle.

Counts, you know, and you have ten old like I don't think I had special time ten minute miracle on my radar when I had a two month old. I mean, this is not the time to be doing anything other than what you're doing right now, like throw that away and then when your baby three months, four months, six months, they're crawling around, you know, then do the tenmanut miracle.

Like, you know, what almost goes a really long way too when it comes to like the baby or just having a sibling in general, is you know those days where it's like one of them is just so annoyed with the other one, or the baby's been crying and it's just kind of hard on the other kid to be able to just at bed time or whenever, in a quiet moment, just validate that and be like, you know, being a brother, being a sister, it can be really hard sometimes, you know, because a lot of times our instinct is to kind of push through and be like no, no, you know, like we love them, they're your best friend or your friend for life. But really when we can just like give them that space to be like, yeah, sometimes it's really hard, Like it really goes a long way for them.

Like, you know, what almost goes a really long way too when it comes to like the baby or just having a sibling in general, is you know those days where it's like one of them is just so annoyed with the other one, or the baby's been crying and it's just kind of hard on the other kid to be able to just at bed time or whenever, in a quiet moment, just validate that and be like, you know, being a brother, being a sister, it can be really hard sometimes, you know, because a lot of times our instinct is to kind of push through and be like no, no, you know, like we love them, they're your best friend or your friend for life. But really when we can just like give them that space to be like, yeah, sometimes it's really hard, Like it really goes a long way for them.

What is y'all's opinion on discipline? I knew we were gonna go, you know, I actually was gonna ask for myself, like what is what do you think is appropriate discipline for not being too soft or too hard.

What is y'all's opinion on discipline? I knew we were gonna go, you know, I actually was gonna ask for myself, like what is what do you think is appropriate discipline for not being too soft or too hard.

Yeah, I mean, discipline's a very confusing thing. Like, let's just start off there, there's a million and one opinions about how to approach things. So yes, very confusing. But if you start to just get to the root of like what the word actually means. The Latin root is to teach. We're teaching our kids how to deal with tricky situations and big feelings in safe ways. Like really, that's the root of it. So yeah, I think it depends on kind of just like what area of discipline. But when we think about it from that filter, like we're teaching them how to deal with things.

Yeah, I mean, discipline's a very confusing thing. Like, let's just start off there, there's a million and one opinions about how to approach things. So yes, very confusing. But if you start to just get to the root of like what the word actually means. The Latin root is to teach. We're teaching our kids how to deal with tricky situations and big feelings in safe ways. Like really, that's the root of it. So yeah, I think it depends on kind of just like what area of discipline. But when we think about it from that filter, like we're teaching them how to deal with things.

Well, we're also teaching them better behavior, right, we want them to be better behaved, we want them to be empathic, we want them to be nice, we want them to be kind.

Well, we're also teaching them better behavior, right, we want them to be better behaved, we want them to be empathic, we want them to be nice, we want them to be kind.

But we also have to realize a.

But we also have to realize a.

The true meaning it's to teach and then be where they are at in their brain development. So even your ten year old, you know, sure we give a two year old a past, but a ten year old's brain is still.

The true meaning it's to teach and then be where they are at in their brain development. So even your ten year old, you know, sure we give a two year old a past, but a ten year old's brain is still.

Not fully formed.

Not fully formed.

We're still literally actively teaching from the time that they are born all of these skills and I think that gets missing in the conversation where we would never be really harsh and punish if they didn't in their ABC's or if they swung and they hit, they didn't hit the baseball right, and maybe when I was younger, you still got punished for that. But we've kind of a good coach and a good teacher and a good post.

We're still literally actively teaching from the time that they are born all of these skills and I think that gets missing in the conversation where we would never be really harsh and punish if they didn't in their ABC's or if they swung and they hit, they didn't hit the baseball right, and maybe when I was younger, you still got punished for that. But we've kind of a good coach and a good teacher and a good post.

Like they are leading confidently. They're letting you make mistakes.

Like they are leading confidently. They're letting you make mistakes.

They are not necessarily happy about the mistakes. They're not allowing the mistakes. They're not letting you run the show or run the shit, but they know that you're there to be their teacher and to be their guide. So when you look at discipline as a whole in that way, I think it's really helpful right where it's like in those really hard moments when they make a mistake, when there is unwanted behavior, we can let them know firmly, like hey this is not okay. Hey you do not hit your baby's sister. Hey you have to get your homework in on time. We can be firm and still not like scare the living shit out of them, because that's not going to help them learn.

They are not necessarily happy about the mistakes. They're not allowing the mistakes. They're not letting you run the show or run the shit, but they know that you're there to be their teacher and to be their guide. So when you look at discipline as a whole in that way, I think it's really helpful right where it's like in those really hard moments when they make a mistake, when there is unwanted behavior, we can let them know firmly, like hey this is not okay. Hey you do not hit your baby's sister. Hey you have to get your homework in on time. We can be firm and still not like scare the living shit out of them, because that's not going to help them learn.

Right, Because what we know about brain science exactly what we know about brain science now is that when our kids feel scared, like when we're loud we're threatening them, their brain kind of shuts down, like they actually can't take in new information, they can't think, they can't reflect on how to do better, so they're really not learning what to do for next time.

Right, Because what we know about brain science exactly what we know about brain science now is that when our kids feel scared, like when we're loud we're threatening them, their brain kind of shuts down, like they actually can't take in new information, they can't think, they can't reflect on how to do better, so they're really not learning what to do for next time.

I do feel that, and so in recent episodes here at wind Down, I said publicly that legend my middle And by the way, he's a lover. He's a good dude. He's really super smart. He's too smart almost you know the type, and he is just I am alone about two hundred nights a year. My husband is in music and he's gone, and it until a month ago, has just literally been us no help. Okay, So I need to frame that because this dude gains ten more pounds and he's going to be bigger than me, right, So the testosterone is raging at his age group. It's starting to really show itself. And we're a pretty girly household for very feelings. He does say things I feel sad, I feel angry, which I have been really proud of because he's able to like name some things instead of just crying or storming out or whatever. So what we've run into though, is that he literally will just scream at me like it's like maddening, right, and I stay calm and I just say, I'm not going to do that with you. I see that you're sad. You know, listen, guys, I'm a follower on Instagram. I'm cutting out all your little things. I've downloaded your little you know, mobile e books and all the things. Right, So there was a time where Legend Broth got soap in his mouth. I was not angry when I did it. I said, you are not going to speak to me that way. You're not going to speak to me that way. And by I said, on three, you are going to get soap in your mouth. I know Christ's taking a drink of coffee for those that can't see, because she does want to frame us in.

I do feel that, and so in recent episodes here at wind Down, I said publicly that legend my middle And by the way, he's a lover. He's a good dude. He's really super smart. He's too smart almost you know the type, and he is just I am alone about two hundred nights a year. My husband is in music and he's gone, and it until a month ago, has just literally been us no help. Okay, So I need to frame that because this dude gains ten more pounds and he's going to be bigger than me, right, So the testosterone is raging at his age group. It's starting to really show itself. And we're a pretty girly household for very feelings. He does say things I feel sad, I feel angry, which I have been really proud of because he's able to like name some things instead of just crying or storming out or whatever. So what we've run into though, is that he literally will just scream at me like it's like maddening, right, and I stay calm and I just say, I'm not going to do that with you. I see that you're sad. You know, listen, guys, I'm a follower on Instagram. I'm cutting out all your little things. I've downloaded your little you know, mobile e books and all the things. Right, So there was a time where Legend Broth got soap in his mouth. I was not angry when I did it. I said, you are not going to speak to me that way. You're not going to speak to me that way. And by I said, on three, you are going to get soap in your mouth. I know Christ's taking a drink of coffee for those that can't see, because she does want to frame us in.

A way vodka. You know what I mean. It's I'm ready listen.

A way vodka. You know what I mean. It's I'm ready listen.

I know, but I can tell you, like, how do I politely tell this girl she's derailed her whole household.

I know, but I can tell you, like, how do I politely tell this girl she's derailed her whole household.

That's not what we're saying. We're not here. That's the last thing.

That's not what we're saying. We're not here. That's the last thing.

Well, that's refreshing. I did just it's not in alignment with why. I know, I'm just kidding. People were like it was funny because I felt like, I love how honest we are with each other all the time. But I felt like people were like offended on our behalfs and I was like I was offended. Anyways, what I've learned is that doesn't really work for him, and that's fine, But it was literally like the first time that I've ever showed like myself. I guess being this is like very that geo sounding or something, but like more like dominant than him or something. He never has seen me. I'm the feeling creature. And when Dad comes home, Dad kind of wants to be fun if I'm honest, because he is gone a lot, so bed times are kind of out the window, and I try to keep it a little consistent. But and I'm not making excuses. I'm just letting you know, like that's literally like the first time he's ever seen me be a person. Since then, a week ago, him and I had a conversation where I actually told him, I said, you're not treating me like a good friend. You're actually not being kind to me, and you're hurting my feelings, I said, And that's me being honest with you, and so when you talk to me that way, it does make me sad because after a while you get beat down and you're by yourself. Yeah, that has been the biggest change for him so far. Like we're I don't want to jinx it, but in this last week, I'm like, legend, I still want to be loved on too, you know. But and I'm not putting pressure on him to be an adult, but it's like I don't need to, just like it's almost like default behavior at some point when they keep doing the same things. And that's what I felt like was happening.

Well, that's refreshing. I did just it's not in alignment with why. I know, I'm just kidding. People were like it was funny because I felt like, I love how honest we are with each other all the time. But I felt like people were like offended on our behalfs and I was like I was offended. Anyways, what I've learned is that doesn't really work for him, and that's fine, But it was literally like the first time that I've ever showed like myself. I guess being this is like very that geo sounding or something, but like more like dominant than him or something. He never has seen me. I'm the feeling creature. And when Dad comes home, Dad kind of wants to be fun if I'm honest, because he is gone a lot, so bed times are kind of out the window, and I try to keep it a little consistent. But and I'm not making excuses. I'm just letting you know, like that's literally like the first time he's ever seen me be a person. Since then, a week ago, him and I had a conversation where I actually told him, I said, you're not treating me like a good friend. You're actually not being kind to me, and you're hurting my feelings, I said, And that's me being honest with you, and so when you talk to me that way, it does make me sad because after a while you get beat down and you're by yourself. Yeah, that has been the biggest change for him so far. Like we're I don't want to jinx it, but in this last week, I'm like, legend, I still want to be loved on too, you know. But and I'm not putting pressure on him to be an adult, but it's like I don't need to, just like it's almost like default behavior at some point when they keep doing the same things. And that's what I felt like was happening.

I think it's good for your kids to be able to talk about feelings in that way with you. It sounded like really honest and open.

I think it's good for your kids to be able to talk about feelings in that way with you. It sounded like really honest and open.

Yeah, And I wasn't like guilty, you know. But I do think there is this wave like our generation seems to be very mindfully parenting, which I love about us. I just also know it's not super realistic to have a whole society full of wild feelings that like, you know, like I'm a Christian, so I know God tells me no for a reason. I know if I do something I'm not supposed to do, there's a consequence to that. Consequences are a good thing to know about too. So I think that's where people like you really matter to me because you help us navigate the in between of like old school OG parenting, which was like what you're talking about, Kristin. We're disciplined for things that were like I was just being a human, like what in the world I missed the ball at baseball practice? But then also we can't swing the pendulum the whole other way because then what are we doing. We're not seeing our kids up any better. We're teeing them up differently, but still maybe not for success, which I guess then goes back to the question of you know, what do you guys think on discipline and how to discipline in those areas?

Yeah, And I wasn't like guilty, you know. But I do think there is this wave like our generation seems to be very mindfully parenting, which I love about us. I just also know it's not super realistic to have a whole society full of wild feelings that like, you know, like I'm a Christian, so I know God tells me no for a reason. I know if I do something I'm not supposed to do, there's a consequence to that. Consequences are a good thing to know about too. So I think that's where people like you really matter to me because you help us navigate the in between of like old school OG parenting, which was like what you're talking about, Kristin. We're disciplined for things that were like I was just being a human, like what in the world I missed the ball at baseball practice? But then also we can't swing the pendulum the whole other way because then what are we doing. We're not seeing our kids up any better. We're teeing them up differently, but still maybe not for success, which I guess then goes back to the question of you know, what do you guys think on discipline and how to discipline in those areas?

Yeah, well I think I mean it really does come down to the coach and the baseball bat because I think what we're missing again in this conversation is that your son's brain is not fully developed and for him to sort of get feelings and not talk back to you and not this is actually what kids are wired to do. Now that doesn't mean we just let them. This is not permissive parenting, but what's different is rather than seeing it as I need to go kind of put soap in their mouth or do something different than I would for the baseball scenario. You actually kind of have to show up the same way you would with the baseball scenario because, like you saw, the soap in the mouth didn't work, right, because again, fear, all the studies show no matter what you're trying to learn, fear impedes long term learning. It's just not gonna work, and it's gonna make your relationship probably a little bit wonkier. Right, It's just not And again we all make mistakes. You're saying like you're alone, please give yourself grace. It's just not a great default strategy. And when we approach a situation more like that teacher or boss, that's.

Yeah, well I think I mean it really does come down to the coach and the baseball bat because I think what we're missing again in this conversation is that your son's brain is not fully developed and for him to sort of get feelings and not talk back to you and not this is actually what kids are wired to do. Now that doesn't mean we just let them. This is not permissive parenting, but what's different is rather than seeing it as I need to go kind of put soap in their mouth or do something different than I would for the baseball scenario. You actually kind of have to show up the same way you would with the baseball scenario because, like you saw, the soap in the mouth didn't work, right, because again, fear, all the studies show no matter what you're trying to learn, fear impedes long term learning. It's just not gonna work, and it's gonna make your relationship probably a little bit wonkier. Right, It's just not And again we all make mistakes. You're saying like you're alone, please give yourself grace. It's just not a great default strategy. And when we approach a situation more like that teacher or boss, that's.

Where we really will see the needle move.

Where we really will see the needle move.

I love that you sat down and you had a conversation with him in a calm, regulated moment, just saying like, hey, you know, this isn't working, Like we're getting into this pattern, it's not working.

I love that you sat down and you had a conversation with him in a calm, regulated moment, just saying like, hey, you know, this isn't working, Like we're getting into this pattern, it's not working.

And that was great.

And that was great.

And you can hold those boundaries and be you want to be that firm leader one hundred percent of the time, you really do. That's the common misconception is Firm leadership doesn't mean I'm going to scare the out of you. Firm leadership means I'm going to tell you what is okay and what is not okay, and I'm here to run this ship and keep everyone safe. I hear you, I see you, and this is not okay. That's what we want to kind of go with. We are the firm leader. We're not letting them.

And you can hold those boundaries and be you want to be that firm leader one hundred percent of the time, you really do. That's the common misconception is Firm leadership doesn't mean I'm going to scare the out of you. Firm leadership means I'm going to tell you what is okay and what is not okay, and I'm here to run this ship and keep everyone safe. I hear you, I see you, and this is not okay. That's what we want to kind of go with. We are the firm leader. We're not letting them.

Exactly, and in those conversations, that's where we go in with that mindset for ourselves and to teach them all the feelings that you're experiencing, those are okay. It is okay to be angry. You can even be angry at me. The behavior is not okay. So this is the way that we let them out, and it's our job to teach them you can feel angry, and here's a way that you can let it out next time.