When you’re trying to dive into the world of self-help, it’s tough to figure out what works and what doesn’t. Author Gabby Bernstein is here to help Jana with some easy steps to “check in” with herself.
Find out the truth behind affirmations and what to do when you feel like you’re in an inescapable crisis.
Plus, Kathryn and Jana lay it all out and discuss a major difference in their friendship.
Wind down with Jane Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.
Happy New Year five. I love this crazy here. So excited to ring in the new year with you girls, and I can't wait to chat about it all next time.
We chat next time.
Time today, But we have a very special guest waiting in the waiting room. Her name is Gabrielle Bernstein. She's phenomenal, She's an amazing motivational speaker. She's got a new book out called self Help. This is your chance to change your life. Given it's twenty twenty five and a new year, let's all get on the journey. Hi, guys, Gabrielle Bernstein, you dreamboat, get in here. Every time I say your name, and this is probably just my childhood, but the Bernstein you know the book, Thank you, but that's where I go. I'm like, we're the best. There was so good anyways, but not as.
Good as your bucks. I don't remember anything about the baron Steed Bears. To be very honest with you, I don't have any Mabby. How old are you forty five?
Okay? Yeah, I thought we were all kind of like ish the same seas.
Yeah, how old are you girls?
How old are you, guys, I just turned forty one forty forty three almost in a month. Well, no, this is airs in January, so sorry, Oh forty three forty.
Five is another level of all of this.
Hey, what is the difference between forty five and we're forty collagen forty one to forty three?
In my experience, Harry menopause? Uh huh, girls, call me, get my number.
I will be What is the number one thing that you're experiencing with perry montpause?
Well, I'm not experiencing any of it anymore because I'm on HRT. I'm on hormone replacement therapy. Think the Good Lord and saved my life. The new message is like, get on it earlier and get ahead of it. And it's the best thing that ever happens to me, because I'm like, wow, I probably needed this a decade ago because I think I was in perimenopause. You can go into perimenopause about ten should we record this? Are we're recording? Go good, We'll believe the thuck.
Don't worry. I don't.
I don't believe any fuck No, actually I do. So we go into perimenopause about ten years before we're actually in menopause. And so when I was in my mid thirties, I was like sweating at night, having brain fog, I was having fertility. It took me till thirty nine to conceive to deliver my son. So there was all these things, but I was never informed that this was these were perimenopausal symptoms. And then I did a lot of IVF later in life for a second pregnancy, which which unfortunately did not lat I couldn't keep. But that really busted out all my eggs and so then I went into perimenopause. I went into very close you know, really in close to menopausal numbers now at forty five. And the miracle is that I learned everything I could about it, became an expert in menopause. So if you ever need my help, I'm here for you.
And I love that well definitely will be you know, like let the patch.
I've got my estrogen, my progesterone and my estrogen on my face, like the whole thing.
I have a question and the just when you get because you know you're a motivational speaker, you have all these books about being your best self and how to get there, and when you struggle, what do you what is the best tip that you take from everything that you talk about, or like what's I guess where's where do you struggle? And then what's the thing that helps you kind of get back up?
Well, the answer to getting back up actually is what's in the new book. So this is my tenth book self help, and the four step practice it's in that book is something I do every single day because it's the thing that saved my life, and that's why I've decided to write an entire book about it. And so I'll talk to you a lot about that a lot today. But but I think I've hit big bottoms in my life, really big bottoms. We all have. Everyone here has had experiences that have been really tough. And for me, my girlfriend was talking with me the other day and she's like, you know, we all have tough moments, but you've got some tsunamis, Gabby. I was like, got some tsunamis. And so, like these kind of conversations of these these experiential moments and time like postpartum or perimenopause or fertility, for me, they were tsunamis. And right now, this most recent experience of being hit with really hardcore menopause and and being really thrown into emotional upheaval. My brain wasn't working. My most extreme rage I've ever felt in my life, like if I had had a I could have murdered. You know, That's where I was at. And that's not an uncommon thing, but it doesn't happen to everyone, but for me, it was so extreme. So there's two things that happened, and I had to realize, Okay, this is a hormonal imbalance, and no amount of self help or personal development or spiritual connection can actually save me here other than prayer, prayer for answers, and prayer for medical support. That was it, right, because you have to know the difference. If you're having a biochemical condition or you're having a hormonal upheaval. Your self help tools are only going to be able to get you so far, but you're going to need medical support period. That's the answer. And I want to always go on the record saying that because I'm never going to spiritually whitewash our hormonal or brain issues. Yeah, Okay, it's just too important to say that. But now that I'm back at baseline, I'm not losing my mind anymore. My self help tools really work.
And which are helpless.
So right now I think that the greatest, the greatest contribution I can give people is the four steps inside self Help. So the book is called self Help. This is your Chance to change your life, and it's based on a therapy that changed my life, and I, with the blessing of the founder of this therapy called Internal Family Systems Therapy, I went on and became trained in it, became a practitioner in this therapy, and then with the blessing of Dick Schwartz, the founder, wrote a self help book based on the therapy. So the book is my method. It's a self help method, but it's informed by the principles of a world renowned therapy. And the book is there to help us heal the core beliefs and patterns and sort of the maybe we call them bad habits or protection mechanisms that have been holding us back. And we all can probably identify one or more beliefs or patterns or behaviors that we may find undesirable. Yeah, you guys with me on that. And if I were to ask you how long of those beliefs or patterns or behavior has been around, what might you say?
I mean some stem from childhood six is usually my childhood six, thirteen and thirty middle mid thirties are like my pivotal like on nineteen yeah.
Yeah, I would say since nineteen eighty two, so when you were little, yeah yeah, solid. I mean so much even if we don't remember, is already in our DNA when we're growing up in tumultuous, crazy environments like that.
And so that's right.
That is actually one of my questions for you, because I know that you grew up kind of like a little bit anchored in spirituality, right because your mom isn't your mom as a spiritual person, right, So you had that like kind of grounding force. And I got really excited when I learned what this book was about because I think I've done a lot of therapy, also a lot of hormone replacement therapy, so I feel like I'm at a good base, but so much.
Of those like last little bits of like lid that.
I still put on myself, I think are still and I've done EMDR and all of that mean like I'm.
In Gabby, I'm trying. You're my girl, but I can tell that there's still a couple of.
Things and it's not that I don't believe in myself. Actually like myself for the first time, so that's exceptional. Like I actually like really dig me, which feels good to say out loud, but there's still something that's whispering in the back. Yeah, and internal family system stuff really does shape who we are.
Yeah, well, well let me clarify that for you. First of all, you're my dream reader, so I'm so excited that we'll get books in your hands. So internal family systems actually isn't about our external family at all. It's about an inner family of parts of us. So inside all of us are lots of little protection mechanisms. They're young parts of us that are working really hard to protect us. So those patterns and the behavior, like for me, it was control or addictive patterns, which kind of goes hand in hand with control or the belief that if I'm not doing it, nobody else will. These have been around for decades and decades, and those patterns are protection mechanisms, and those protect we can call them protector parts for the sake of the book. And who are these protector parts. Who are these protection mechanisms actually protecting? They're protecting very very young exiled parts of us. So as children, we experienced trauma with a big ta, trauma with a small tea. You know, trauma with the small tea might be always bullied in class. Big tea is sexual abuse or neglect or having an alcoholic parent, or attachment breach, and so we all have these trauma moments and they're so extreme for our little brains as young people, and we don't have parents typically to help us resource or process these experiences. So as a result, we meet mediately as little people go into protection mechanism. That's why when we look at these patterns, beliefs, and behaviors, we can say, oh, they stem back so far when I was like six years old or five years older, before I could even remember, because from very young ages we went into protector mode. And those protection mechanisms are protecting young exiled feelings of being unsafe, inadequate, unlovable, not good enough, and we never wanted to feel that feeling, so right away we built up the protection mechanism. I'm going to be a perfectionist so I feel loved. I'm going to be a control freak because if I'm not in control, I feel completely unsafe or I'm going to be and then that control can turn into addiction. Right, So, we have all these kinds of false protections that have been running our lives, and this entire book that I've written is about how to befriend those protection mechanisms and treat them like little children and compassionately connect to those parts of ourselves so that we can access an inner healer and feel relief the first time in our life.
And what is like the one the best tool within those that has helped you the most, Like.
Well, here's the cool news. The whole book is one tool. It's a four step practice. That's that's why I love it. It's not like, oh, you've to open this book and have a million different tools. This is a four step practice called the four step check in. And so I cant do it with you guys right now? Do I just do it? I want to just experience? Yes, Okay, So you guys are familiar and the listener is probably familiar with a belief, a pattern, or a extreme behavior or a habit that maybe isn't really wait, something that's not very desirable in your life. Yep, okay, So instead of normally you might check out and just go into that extreme pattern to check out from whatever you're feeling inside, so you get triggered and then you go to that behavior pattern or belief because that's your way of protecting yourself. So right now, instead of checking out, we're going to choose to check in, which is the first step. So just making that choice with me right now, to choose to check in with this part of you is everybody with me? You got buy in from you all? Yeah, think to check in, focusing your attention inward.
Now.
The second step is to become curious about that part of yourself. And this is where you'd ask some questions. So asking that part, how long have you been around? You guys can answer me. You said six young.
Yeah, second age yeah yeah six yeah? What is your age? Cat?
I don't know. I've blocked out a lot younger than fifteen, so I always kind of go back to fifteen, but I think it's younger than that for sure.
Okay, gorgeous, Good Now asking if these parts of yourself just checking in a little bit more. You might even want to close your eyes if you feel called to check in a little further and just get a little bit of information. So, are there any thoughts or feelings or sensations that this part wants to reveal, And you don't have to say it. Just just listen to my voice and I'll guide you any thoughts, feelings, sensations, images, words that want to come forward when you become curious about this part of yourself. If you get a little bit more information, just give that part of you some permission to reveal whatever it wants you to know. Becoming a little bit more curious, just let the part of you know that anything else it wants you to know about can come forward in whatever way feel safe. And now in the third step, we'll compassionately connect to this part of you and asking that part what do you need? And don't overthink it. Just listen, let it speak up and noticing what it says, take a deep breath and just put your hand on your heart and give it some breath and let it know that you've heard what it's asked for. And now the fourth step is to check in and see how you feel right now. How do you feel in your body? Are you feeling any sensations of calmness or curiosity? Just notice what's coming through and let me know how you feel right now guys.
My r ring is telling me I'm calm yeap.
Whenever I do, it's calmer. Yeah, yeah, like.
A deep It was weird because when you asked me to identify with the feeling I felt it. I always throw those part chests in my back, like I get very anxious. And then as we were, when I got my answer, I just felt my whole body kind of melt a little bit.
Excellent, A'm melting a calmness. Do you feel connected to that part of you?
Yeah?
Did you notice that? Yeah?
I think what's interesting is all the work and we, ironically all three of us see the same therapists.
I just got back from therapy today when I saw that one up.
But I think all of us have gotten like such a good tool support from Amy that it's interesting because when I got my answer, I was like, oh, well, like in my brain, I'm like, well I can supply myself that.
Yes, ma'am, that's right. That's right, because all the therapy you've been doing has been helping you access what's called self. And self is your adult resourced, undamaged, curious, compassionate, calm, connected, confident, courageous, creative, clear. These are these c qualities of self. Self is often like the inner healer, it's like the God within us, it's like the spirit within us, the intuitive force within us. We always have access to self. And in the book, I share this quote by IFS practitioner Stephen Kranz, and the quote says that self is like the sun behind the clouds, and self is always there, but the clouds are in the way, and when those clouds dissipate, this self energy can emerge. So these four steps are about connecting to the clouds and compassionately, curiously connecting to those clouds, which are the protections. And as we start to connect them, they soften and relax. And then, as you guys said, calmness emerged that self. And so your inner healer, your internal parent, the resource you've always longed, we all have always longed for, is actually inside of us. We have access to that support, that calmness, and that clarity and that compassion, and so when we do this practice, we can let it emerge naturally. And then because you guys have been doing the therapy, you've already begin to acquire a lot of that self energy calmness. So this practice will really tip for both for all three of you, it'll be like, I think people who are already therapy therapeutically inclined are going to have a real like Wow, that practice just nails it for me and beautiful because it's non pathologizing. It's not like we're judging ourselves or telling ourselves we've done anything wrong. It's befriending these parts of ourselves and getting to know these parts of ourselves.
So yeah, it takes the shame away from those little pieces.
Oh yeah too.
Oh yeah.
When you're out speaking and you're meeting people, what are the people want to hear the most from you? Like, where are they stuck the most? And what do you think they're wanting to hear the most?
Well, I mean people want a quick fix and they want to manifest, and so I think that's what I think the most desire, the biggest desire is like how do I get to that thing that's going to make me happy? And I honestly think that what we're doing right here is actually the real manifesting flex because we manifest what we believe, and so if our belief systems are not in alignment with what it is that we want, which they aren't ninety nine point nine percent of time. Then we're not going to manifest what we desire, or we will manifest it because we thought about it a lot, but then we won't be able to keep it. The real manifesting is to heal the beliefs so that in healing those beliefs, we actually become calm, connected, clear, creative. That energy is the energy that is attract that is attracting energy, that is your super attractor energy.
For the person though, that is so chaotic in their mind and they're depressed and they feel stuck. They don't know which way to go, and they're having a hard time finding you know, their why and their purpose and where they're going and what they should be doing. Like yes, I feel like this four step check in would be great for them, but also if you know what else would be something that would be beneficial to that person that is having a hard time finding the direction when they're feeling stuck, because I know for me, like when I get in those moments, I'm like I don't know which way is up or down or how Like I know you just have to start, but like it's it's hard when you don't really know your why or your purpose or what you're supposed to be doing or and it's just it's you're living in kind of a chaotic mind frame to even strugg you know, put it where it needs to be.
I want to remind everybody that we could always exercise choice. And there's a chapter in the book about how prayer is a choice, and so even in those moments when we may not actually be able to go and do the four step check in, we can we can say a prayer. And that's a choice. Actually that's actually the first step. It's it's a choice to check rather than check out. So we can say, I choose to see peace instead of this, I choose to open my heart to heal. I welcome creative possibilities for healing, because there are plenty of moments in our lives where we're going to be in crisis, chaos, overwhelm, and access to enough access to our right mind to get into a four step practice may not be there, may not be available to us. So we may have to say a prayer, and then we say that prayer and then an hour later the book falls off the shelf, or an hour later you're listening and all of a sudden you're listening to wind down and this exact message that you need, because prayer is a conduit for miracles. A prayer is opening up our conscious awareness to possibilities for healing. And you can call it a prayer, you can call it an intention. I don't care. But if you are at your wits end and you're saying, I can't go on like this, there has to be a better way. The only way up is to intend or pray for clarity and a way out, and then the doors can open. Then maybe in an hour you feel a little bit more calm, and you can go back and open the book and do the four steps, or you can go to your therapist, you can reach out to a friend. That's what I would recommend in those moments of real crisis.
Right.
So recently, you know, six months ago, when I was going through a hormonal upheaval, no tool was going to help me, but I had prayer, and so I started to pray for guidance, and then one next day I was guided to a podcast that gave me exactly what I needed to know about hormonal health, and then I was given the inspiration to learn more. And so it's a perceptual shift. First, that's the miracle. And so practicing a practice like self help and reading the book and practicing it for one minute a day is actually a tool. And the more you practice that tool, the easier you can access that tool. But sometimes you may not have enough awareness to access that tool. Prayer might open the door. Well, like any practice or any habit, if we exercise regularly, we can pick up and lift more, and lift more and lift more. If we practice these types of self help tools like self like the four steps, you'll be able to do to reach for it more and more and more and expand and expand and expand. It becomes easier and easier to access, and that self energy becomes more expansive inside of you. You just feel safer and safer. But it's practice.
Yeah, I think it's It's so interesting because so Alan and I, you know, we're good friends with Tim's story and we watched, you know, we went to a few of his his uh speaking engagements and been chatting with him a bunch and he's you know, and I have this thing where I'm like, it's going to be okay because we kind of can can get in slums with our career and you just can you know, be frustrating or whatever and you know, trying to uplift each other. I'm like, it's going to be a great week because it's like, you know, you go to these speeches and you guys are very motivational and you know, I've seen the stuff that you post online and you know, so I'm like, yeah, and it's like it's going to be a great week. Every time I've said that, it's been a week. Like so it's like it's so hard in those moments when you're like trying to have the like that positive outlook and you're just like pushback down and it's like, yeah, you can always pick out one good thing from the week, and there's always something, but when it's not like it's you know, it's like I'm really glad.
I'm really glad you said that, because actually believe in affirmations, but I don't believe in using affirmations that you don't believe in.
So I really do want to believe it's going to be a great week. Like I truly like it's gonna be a great week.
But now I'll make a minor I would make a minor adjustment, like I'm welcome and welcome creative possibilities for joy this week, m you know, or I like that because yeah, that feels That's what I mean. Like, I know you believe that that good things will happen, and I know you, but affirming it's like we don't want to whitewash our feelings and emotions, and so instead that's why I love intentions, prayers or affirming affirming what we believe. Right, So I welcome creative possibilities. If you're broke, I welcome created possibilities for abundance. Or lately, I've been really working with a part of myself that's struggled a lot, you know, a part of me that's been really controlling, and I want to heal that control. And so I just instead of saying I'm at it, I'm surrendered, I'm free, I'm just saying like, I welcome opportunities to surrender, right, Or I'll say things like like I choose to forgive this situation and release this situation in the moment and not just sort of be like I'm free. I'm free because I don't know if I believe that quite yet. Right, Yeah, that's a good point.
And I love the fact that you're honest about that too, because so many times it's like when I see people that are like yourself and you're up there and I'm just like, Okay, they've got it all figured out. But it's like, no, you just said that you were having a hard time with certain things, and that's a very human like. Not everything is perfect, and it doesn't all all. It's not all butterflies and rainbows, and we all have hard, hard times, hard weeks, hard years, and but there there is joy and there's goodness in there, and if you use prayer and meditation and things that in the forcep check in. Like, I think there's ways to get out of those ruts. I think it's just hard for the people that don't think they might that they that they don't deserve the goodness too. I have someone that I love so deeply this it's like just trying so hard to believe that they are deserving of that.
So that would be a part to check in with, right, the part that doesn't believe that they deserve.
Yeah.
And then the thing that you just said that was so interesting was you said, well, you know, some people like you might have it figured all out, right, And the funny thing is that at this stage in my life, after writing ten self help books and spiritual self help books and doing all this work, I actually do think I have it figured all it all out, but I have to access the tool that I know can figure it out right. So it's not like I'm walking around being like I'm her happy all the time, but I have figured out how to get there and stay there and keep shining the crystal every single day to get closer and closer to the there that we want to be at, right.
Like You've got all the tools in the box. Like I wrote the it's your choice.
To I wrote the book. I wrote the book self help. I'd better here's your mom, I better know how to get.
Read it back to yourself.
So does that mean that I don't act out every day? Guys? I am probably been acting up more right now because I'm getting closer and closer to the healing. Right, So the more we get close to the healing, sometimes those parts of us can get really activated very easily. So the beauty is not that I'm perfect all the time. The beauty is I can speak for these parts of myself instead of as them. I can say I'm feeling really outraged right now rather than being in the rage, or I can have the rage, and five minutes later say, I'd like to speak for that rage that just came up, because it's a part of it. It really needs some help and I'm working with it.
Yeah.
Tell me about your married right, yes, okay, tell me about Gabby and marriage and this kind of communication, because I like, I am a more I'm more of a I'm a twenty one twenty one day manifestation challenge gal. I've done it before, Like I love you, I'm an Oprah girl, you know.
Like I dig it.
My husband is the sweetest little redneck man, and he is not all in for my theories all of the time.
You know. Sometimes it's like it's just as simple as this baby. You know, Well I was.
We all wish we could be more like him.
Well, I don't know. Avoidance is only charming for so long.
Right, So some of its avoidance, and some people are just simple, you know, some people really yeah, yeah, yeah, some people like so it sounds like for him it might be manifesting its avoidance. But you know, there are some people that just have more simplicity, and that's just God bless them, God bless.
Them, what a beautiful life.
Well, you know, I wouldn't choose that. I think that happy for them that they can have that piece. But I like the choice I've made. I'm happy here, I'm learning. I would say that when we have a partner that doesn't have a shared spiritual belief or personal development belief, there's absolutely no way that you could push it upon them. Just live it, be it, and let trust trust. This trust that is your vibration starts to elevate as you begin to heal, as you access more self inside self begets more self. So when you're in self, you actually begin to spark that self energy in him. I'm telling you it's magic.
I actually believe that.
Yeah, magic. Think about it. The more calm and compassionate and connected and creative you are, what is that going to ignite in your spouse? More calm, more compassion, more connection. We're really co regulating all day long with our partners, So if we change our point of attraction, they begin to change.
Yeah, it does get pretty hot when they start using terms like that too.
Don't use the don't use it, and also don't don't talk to them about it no, no, does be it no?
Be it?
Well, we had we had like a time a couple of years ago that was really really tough for us. There's been a few and and it was wild because it was hurtful in ways that's not TMZ worthy or anything, but it was just wild to me that it was the opportunity we needed to kind of like break and rebuild. Yeah, but the way I loved him in that I think set a tone for our marriage that we've kind of taken for two years. Which is so when you say that, like the coregulation, I feel it.
I do.
I think that the bottoms in our partnerships are often the greatest catalyst for healing and growth. They are they're then right. So so my husband I actually got remarried last weekend very impromptuo. We were at a real bottoming out of just some of these parts getting activated and I'm just changing so much that I was like, these parts of myself no longer want to coexist like this. And so we were on some shore road and he's like, this is our first day we're meeting, and it's one forty five shore line road and we're going to start over today and we both decided to. And then later we were with my brother and sister in law, I said, look up the vows and the ceremony and we walked to the water and I was like, marry us and we had to redo it wedding.
I love that. That's great.
Well, just like on a simpler version of that, speaking of like for us at home, it's the simplest things of positive and negative. And I've just started not saying anything to him and just everything that was out of my mouth positive positive, and he started to see that, like his comments were negative or you know whatever. So I could see a difference in him without even acknowledging it or talking about it. I just was very cognizant of everything coming out of my mouth being a positive, joyful statement, whether I felt that at the moment or not, you know. And then I started to see a difference in him. It's like he was catching himself because his comments or does that make sense, Yeah.
Because it's lonely when you're.
Yeah, you kind of.
Realize over you're like a girl. Everybody's all joyful. And then it wasn't bad, but you know, just like little things like that. But and then another thing I was going to ask like, for me, I'm not as like, uh, into therapy. I mean I've seen a therapist. I actually don't see her at the moment. I'm not as into this stuff as these two girls are. I've definitely dealt with a lot of my trauma stuff like that. But the thing that comes up for me a lot and that I want to ask you about is being very overwhelmed with like I'm happy, I love myself, I love my family, I feel very content where I am.
You love what you do, I love what I do.
You know all those things. Yeah, exactly, I feel very very content, But there's this part of me that's like I haven't figured out my purpose, you know, But that also feels very overwhelming to me, Like I know my purpose in God, and I'm you know, I'm a believer and all of those things, but that thought of like, but what is that purpose? Like why did why did God put me here? Am I supposed to just be a mom? Am I supposed to just to work? Like that has become one of the most overwhelming things to me. And I'm like, should I have figured that out? Should I have an answer? Is it fine to not have an answer? You know?
Like when you questions around when you said.
I feel like it's your chest is heavy. Does it make you like emotional?
Yeah, I mean yes and no. Like at times I'm like, it's okay that I don't know. Yeah, but I'm like, wait, I think you do know.
I think you do know. You said I know my purpose in God. Yeah, what does that mean to you?
Well, I mean, I definitely know that my purpose on this earth for me is to spread the love of Jesus and to spread that to my children and to other you know, other people. But I think this whole idea.
Stop full stop, sorry when you're talking of Jesus both stop. You just said your purpose. There's no other purpose. That's it. Okay, you are living something that so many people may never actually understand in a lifetime.
Right, Please tell me that makes you emotional.
Emotional. But I guess as a society, I guess it just makes you feel like they're supposed to be some other purpose.
What would what would Jesus tell you?
Well, obviously Jesus. Yeah, okay, okay, I hear you. Okay, No, absolutely, that is what Jesus would tell me. I just I think that's why sometimes I'm like great with it. And then sometimes I'm like, it's like a trigger word these days, you know, or not even a trigger word. It's just kind of like figuring out your purpose, figuring out your purpose. And I'm like, I thought I had my purpose, but maybe that's just me.
Let me tell you what your purpose is. Your purpose is to be love and spread love. And so the fact that you, in such an integrated, connected way, said I'm here to spread the love of Jesus to my children and the people around me is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard because it's so integrated. It wasn't words, it was knowing. And that is your purpose, my love. And and you're doing that through this show, and you're doing that with your children. You're doing that at the grocery store, and you're doing that through a DM and you're doing that. That is that is your purpose, period And you do that wherever you go and however you choose to do that. And if you get that in the way that I know you do, then you are fulfilling your function here.
Hey, well I think too it like I don't know if this is the right words. Dare the society is like, is that enough maybe, or is it has to be a tangible thing or some shiny, shiny or bright where it's like, no, that is actually the most beautiful thing ever.
Like she said, would Jesus told me? Not what everybody else around them tell me?
Exactly?
Humanous is where I think we trip sometimes.
And let me ask you another question. When you are spreading the love of Jesus, how do you feel.
Fulfilled?
Fulfilled?
Right?
Happy? And so? What do we want from our purpose? Happiness and fulfillment?
You know what I think you should do. You've got the cats out of the bag. You should you should also do cats out of the Bible. Oh man, that could be. You know, it's like the giving you know, talking and I was, I kind of be really honest with you. It's like an honest friend moment, like I don't like I know, you know you've told me like a few things, but I would love to have you speak more of it to me. Since I'm a new you know, I've just gotten baptized a couple of years ago. I'm still trying to figure out you're trying to learn something I would I would love it, as you know, you're my best friend to how you actually speak more of it and not because I don't really hear you really talk about it a lot. Does that make sense?
Yeah, I will say there are certain instances where and I will be completely honest with you. I pray about this actually often. This is an interesting moment. I have always, for some reason with you held back why. I mean there's reasons. There's definitely reasons.
Because I had a child on a wedlock. Oh god, no, because I'm a sinner.
Nothing when it comes to getting and getting married. I mean, okay, nothing that you've done.
No, I mean, do you want me to be honest this daddy? Yeah, no, it's nothing bad. But you know, we had things years ago where things were said about Nick and about how he was kind of active, holier than now, or talked about Biden.
Who said that me and you had a thing.
But it was just a long time ago. It was a long time ago, and so I just kind of I took that and I was like, Okay, she doesn't want to hear it, and so I kind of that's where I struggle with my purpose is if I know people are not I do struggle because I don't want to also push it. So it's kind of this balance. That's hard for me and I don't want to come off as you know, in these days it's it's become a negative.
Well, let me just say one thing. Janna just said, can you talk more about it?
She did?
I know I left you're you're right, I know, so you.
May be that that that belief.
To hear it too, because I hate you weren't like you know what I mean, Like I was like God gave me another marriage, and I don't believe in that, you know what I mean, Like.
You absolutely were not in the place to hear it. And that's another reason why I did. And this isn't putting that on you. Sorry that it's not putting it on you, putting it on me.
It's actually really beautiful what I'm witnessing. Because sorry to interrupt, because this is a beautiful conversation. You have my interview, you have my interview. This is so cool. So Janna wasn't ready to receive it, so you didn't give it. And that's an important thing about being a teacher of God, because you don't if you try to enforce the love of Jesus, if that's your language right from you, it would be you know, spreading the love of God. Right, if you try to put that onto somebody when they're not ready to receive it, it will fall on deaf years and that will be even more heartbreaking for you, for both of you. Really, yes, absolutely right, So you're so Jesus was guiding you not to speak for that, but to be that energy. Right, So you were being the love of Jesus when she was going through those hard times, and that's why you're best friends. So speaking for it and being it, it's just really as the messenger, you have to decide what tool am I going to use now to speak on behalf of his love or beyond that, on behalf of his love?
And now, I mean, and that's so true. Sorry not to cut you off, but thinking through that, that's kind of what I would pray about at that time, was how to still be a friend and show that but not push it on you because you you were definitely were not in a place for that. And that's totally fine, and you have I mean, it's this was so long ago, and it's it's again, it's not but that's such a good point. I think that's what I tried to do. But now I hear you and you saying that.
Some scripture on us, or when I'm like in my shame and you're like, well God says, I'm like, yeah, thank you. I need like I need those reminders. I don't really know his word as well as you do, or as well as you do, you know, like I I want more of that in my life because that's what I want. I want the peace of it. Yeah, you know, yeah, absolutely, peace and the piece.
Yeah, this is the coolest podcast interview I've ever had.
I feel so I like I could just do anything, checked in.
We checked in and got right. And we need more powerful women speaking on behalf of the God of their own understanding right and speaking with authority around that, because yes, that's that's how we heal mm hm and I can hear and we can hear it when it's so grounded and authentic. The words don't really matter. The the lexicon doesn't matter, but the energy and the conviction around it is what matters.
I think these these friendships are for sure a love like Jesus to me. I mean, we've always would always that we have seen each other through is monumental, But I feel like we've always all showed up in really christ like ways for each other to.
Shut up in a boom box a couple of months ago. Sometimes it's a boom box.
Sometimes it's like again you know, knowing that you say that, it's like I have always so you know, I have always felt that with any relationship, not because me and you are as close and as long, but that God put us. I mean, I've ever felt more like Christ put a relationship together than the Jana ever. Yeah, So hearing that is also very healing, you know, to like talk about that and to know that because I mean, you know, just the way our friendship has been, the way we've worked together, It's like God take me where you want, and He just keeps taking me back to Janna.
Rerouting that was I loved that. I mean, it's it's uh speaking to your book and what happens when you check in.
You know, you know what, That's exactly right, because we did a check in and we got to self and self is God. Self is Self is that Christ nature inside self is the Buddha nature, the love nature that whatever you call it m hm, and that self energy needs to manifest more on this show. In the Voice of Jesus and the Love of Jesus please, I want to listen to that. I will tune in for that every day.
What is your favorite quote that you live and swear by. I'm just I always loved to know people's faith.
It's the roomy quote, the wound is the place where the light enters.
You m.
I like that. Oh, Gabby, I love you more today than I did yesterday.
I love you guys so much. I can't wait to go on our full retreat.
Easy to tell us everything about aging. What a way to start the new year, Gabby, Thank you so much. Everyone gets self help. This is your chance to change your life. It's available now. Happy New Year, everybody.
Happy New Year, guys,