Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which is your favorite holiday? It is my favorite holiday. What makes it your favorite holiday? What makes it my favorite holiday? Well, it's actually kind of, um a sad thing. But as a kid, um, when my parents got divorced, well even even like when my parents were together, it was always Christmas was just crazy. We were had to go to like so many different families, and then when my parents got divorced, it was one side of the family was never happy, so no matter how long we stayed there or didn't spend time, so it just became like pressure and I didn't like having to be I don't know, I just was I wish like our family got up together at the same time time and we were together, and but not having to go to this house in this house because my parents are divorced, and so that always just put a little damper of Christmas. But with Thanksgiving, even when my parents got divorced, Thanksgiving was always my aunt Susie's house and that never changed. And I just, I don't know, I just I love Thanksgiving because it was so much fun. It was my aunt and uncles and my grandpa and my grandpa makes the best stuffing of all time, which I am now pressured to make. Well. We almost last second decided to just go to Michigan because I'm like, my grandpa's getting my grandma Grandpa both getting so old, and it's a stuffing and my Grandma's pumpkin pie for you. But then I realized, Okay, God forbid, we have something that we catch on the plane and we give to them. So I hope they're around next year that we can and this will all be we'll all be vaccinated or whatever and we can go to um, you know, to have Thanksgiving with them again. But I don't know. Thanksgiving there's just like no pressure and it was just fun and we played games, we played ker and we had great food and there was just no pressure of gifts or going from house to house and I don't know, it's just yeah, it was just chill and the food, I mean, the stuffing. He's famous for it. And now you're stressing out a little. But we went to the grocery store this morning. It's are you worried? Because Grandpa came here two months ago and he sat down and he told you exactly how to make it. It was. It wasn't like exactly step by step. I had about five people. It was like your grandpa, then your mom, your Grandma's like, well, then you gotta just the bread is actually a stale bread. Don't forget the onion, oh Marge. And then someone else saying and someone else saying something else, and I'm just like jotting down chicken scratch. Can't even read my own handwriting this morning looking back at it. But and then my Grandpa's like, and then you take the what was it the heart or giblets? The giblets, and I'm like, what's the giblets And he's like, that's the good stuff. Yeah, like the liver and grind it up and put it in the pan with the onions out on it. We'll find out. So here's to hope. And I don't ruin your Thanksgiving. He won't ruin it. But there is something to be said about just his thanks I mean, his his stuffing. It's so good. Which, shoot, we forgot the gravy. I hope we have gravy. I'm gonna have to text our friends. You have to have gravy. You have to have gravy. I know. I feel like sometimes people don't have enough gravy and we have to have meshed potatoes. Oh my goodness, I gotta make sure that the menus. Yeah, but I'm I'm excited though, even though I'm sad that we're not going to do a family But what is your favorite holiday? It used to be Thanksgiving. Um, kind of not for the same reason, but a little bit for the same reason. You know, my parents were the ones that got divorced. But my parents are the only ones on either side of the family that have never been divorced or married in general. Um, so Thanksgiving was always my mom's side of the family. And that was like when my grandma was active and not suffering from dementia, and she was the most unbelievable cook, like everything from scratch, She like cook it all herself. It was unreal. And you know, the parents are upstairs. She had a little split split foyer the house and the kid's tables downstairs. And I just remember just the memories of Thanksgiving downstairs with me and my cousins and my sister and you know, because there's six of us and are all around the same age. So that was just a lot of fun. But now I think it's Christmas, and growing up, I think, you know, my family was an outlier where we got to benefit from just both families happen to do on different days. My dad's side was always Christmas Eve. My mom's side was always from day, so there wasn't any pressure of all right, we gotta go to get your dad's side of family. Okay, we gotta go here. That's just the way it was when I was a kid. So that was you know, we've benefited from that. But I just love to get getting together. I definitely think Christmas now is my favorite because the thanks leavings now my saddest because it's not like how it used to be. So I'm not with Grandpa and Grandma and my aunts and uncles and my mom and that side of the family. But now Christmas so that's like become now like my sad memory, um, which is I wish we could fly to Michigan, dangy covid um, just because you know they're our grandparents are getting old so um. But now I think Christmas is my favorite just because the kids, oh so much fun and I'm excited to you know, it's just yeah, Christmas morning, it's it's the best, and then it's like the worst because it's like when it's all done, you're like, all right, we now putting bad areas and everything. Oh that's funny. I love it though. You know, tonight I didn't know this if Easter and I were just talking about it before the show, but I didn't know until later in my life that tonight was like the biggest going out night of the year. Really. Yeah, it's like bigger than New Year's, bigger than when all the I mean, gosh, when I used to come back from l A, oh, I just thought I was hot. I would just walk into the main street Billiards in Rochester. I was like, that's right, I'm back from l A. And then like if you just see all, you're like high school. But I mean it was packed. It's like sweet Home Alabama. Oh my god. I couldn't even imagine she does in l A. Had you been on anything yet? What have you been on anything yet? I mean probably not, But I still thought l A was cool. Yeah, Um, I guess I never did. I never experienced it because I was always in football. Yeah know, I mean I definitely remember, but that being the night before everyone went out because at any time I would go home for a thing, because I never missed a Thanksgiving, even when I lived in l A. So, oh my god, I did miss one. Remember I touched that story. What happened? He stood not to bring up the past, but I did miss one Thanksgiving. But I mean, that was kind of hard to say no to kin to. I'll even admit that. Ethan just goes tell the story. The story. Now, I don't want to bring up I'm just I had to accurately speak the truth because I said I always I never missed a Thanksgiving. But then I just remembered the one that I did miss because it's someone I was dating. But it was like, it's dad, you know. I was like, that's pretty cool. And this was probably like the year before me. Huh, it was right after I mean yeah it was. It was Yeah, I had just broken up with someone and then I started dating this other dude. Can I just say that? Who that was? I mean Easton? Oh, this is actually your neck of the woods. What do you mean? Your neck Montito? We went to Montcito. Who is it? Wait, let's play a game. Let's do a guessing game. This is fun. I don't know how to play the game. So this person has a famous father. Is that is that? Okay? And his father has a home in Montcito? Okay? Um? Trying to think is something that clever? He's a mute, he was a mule in a movie he's played He's played a mule, he's played a and all the movies. I just like, was he it an outlaw? Do you feel lucky? Okay? Do you punk? Dirty? Harry? I never saw it? Wait this, okay, I I know who it is now, But is this person that you were with is his son is an actor? Too? Right? Yeah? Okay? Uh yeah, I think we all know who it is now. That's all we'll give you. They're good and they're not going to know that. Really everyone knows. Do you do you feel a lucky? I didn't know it, do you. I'm not gonna like when you said he played a mule. I was like Janet dated one of Eddie Murphy's kids. That was it. He was donkey in the Shrek movies. But a mule is not a donkey. They're different animals. That's not who it is, huh. I mean I wouldn't know. So anyways, Janna got the invite to go there for Thanksgiving instead of just her whole family that would always be there for her and Grandpa stuffing. And she said, nope, the same thing. I don't blame you, I mean of us. It was Clint Eastwood. Come on, d she just throws it out there. I mean, how could I How could I say no? But I actually it was so embarrassing because I made a fool of myself in front of him. What'd you do? Remember at the I was in the bathroom when that happened Thanksgiving dinner. No, I told him how he should have ended million dollar Baby. I think I was nervous. If it was me, I totally would have done. But No, I got some to say to you, Clint. No, I was. It was so embarrassing because his son went to the bathroom and I was just like, your son's a very nice guy. And he's like, huh because he's old, and I was like, your son is a very nice man. And then I just was so uncomfortable and I was like sweating, and I was like, Okay, I actually can I talk to you about something? And I was like, so in million dollars, million dollar baby. When Hillary swank it was the last scene and they were going at it. The ref said, one more cheap shot and you're disqualified, and at the very end, her opponent cheap shot it again, so she should have then been disqualified, which would have meant Hillary swank one, not the other girl, because he gave the championship to the other girl even though the ref said one more cheap shot, they get eliminated. And he gave me like just to stare and went huh m hmm, and I was just like, I'm going to bury my head in this bowl. I'm so disappointed in you, and I didn't even know you then, so disappointed. But do you see what I'm saying though, Like the ref said, that's too predictable, you're talking to the guy who wrote the damn thing, directed the damn thing, starting the damn thing. I was nervous and I was trying to make conversation. Triple Crown. That movie didn't win like Best Picture. Also, yeah, yeah, hey, you know you could have done on that Best Picture. Oscar Huh. I'm crying right now. This is the funniest thing I've ever He should have gotten up, walked over to wherever his Oscar is, grabbed it and put it on the table in front of Janna've been like, I'm just saying the ref said, one more cheap shot and you're eliminated, and the girl cheap shot at Hillary, which then took her out. So the Hillary should have won. Here's what people need to know about Janna when she watched this thing. If it doesn't end the way she wants it to end, it's the rules. The ref said, it's over, she writes it off. Movie was terrible, didn't end the way I want. Why didn't they end up together? Why didn't Why did Glinice win, Harry Swink have a baby? Everyone should be happy? Oh lord, you're like sweating right now. Really, isn't it. Well, it's just it's because the ref said. And so it's like I would have been fine if the ref didn't say that, Like he should have at least cut that line. I'm in a week up in the middle of the night, like later in the week and just cry like baby should have entered. I can't believe it. He won Best Director for that movie too. He has too Oscar. Yeah, I know, Well, Me and the Sun broke up like the day after, so maybe his dad don't want to break up with me most likely. Alright, let's take a break. We'll come back to this. Something else please. Okay, So we have a really exciting guest that we're going to have on the show. Mike's gonna enter her in her second. But um, we basically wanted to have someone on because look, Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. UM, we have you guys might be getting together with your family. You might not, but there might be some fighting arguing with the pandemic and the stress of just everything, um, politics and just everything that everyone's facing right now. Because I'll know, I do know this, Like my anxiety has been up just with the cases rising, so um, you know, kind of freaks me out work wise and obviously just the overall uncertainty. UM. So we have, um, Ryan Hadden coming on. Mike take it away. Yeah, we have an amazingly accomplished woman on today. Ryan is a certified life and spiritual coach. She's a hypnotherapist, certified meditation teacher with over sixteen years of experience with clients around the world. Um. She does private workshops such as Stepping into your Purpose, the work life balance, and finding your center. And before all of that, she was in a volatile relationship with Christian Slater, and she's helped a ton of people in Hollywood kind of you know, rid themselves of the life that they that can consume you and helping people that are in toxic relationships that have you know, suffered from drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, codependency, low self esteem, all that. So we're gonna get her on and just talk everything that she does. Ryan, Hey, how are you? How are you going? You? It's so good to see you. Go to see you too. Ryan. We're excited to have you on. Um. You know, everything that we've been reading about you are things that we talk about on this show. And it seems like you're kind of a jack of all trades, um in the sense of just everything that you cover and so give our listeners, you know, we kind of gave them a little bit of background, but can you explain to us, like how you got into all these fields that you're into. Sure, Well, first off, thanks for having me. It's a pleasure to be here. And I love what you guys are all about too, and thanks for making this platform. It's it's important for people to get information, um about how to you know, move into a relationship with themselves, and we think it's about having relationships with others, but it's ultimately how are we showing up for ourselves within that relationship and everyone benefits. So thank you for talking about those things. And for me, my journey is UM that I found most of my life, I was looking for that solution outside of myself, be it in trying to bend my body to a certain weight or um finding that perfect relationship out there that doesn't exist. Are in turn, you know, chasing the shine, things and people, places and things and all of that and then ultimately leading it to a very real and present bottom in UM addiction. And so in that recovery process that's almost seventeen years ago, I found that I really loved working with other women and helping them sort of put those pieces together for themselves and really lean into themselves and truly finding that from that place, everything else kind of worked out, you know, all the purpose, the passion, the relationship, the making peace with your body, all those different elements. Do you only work with with women? I don't. I work with men too now, But it started out working with women, and I do work with men. Actually. I just that's just opening up and it's very very interesting. I have this flood of men that I'm working with these days, and I love it. We've got to balance the both sides, right, the feminine the masculine within ourselves. So of course that would come through my practice. So before you got again, we interview kind of gave them a background of what you do for a living now and before you got into the spiritual life coaching and hypnotherapy and everything like that. When you hit your bottom, like you said, was about seventeen years ago, what were you doing before that? And why was that moment? You know, that moment of clarity for you? M hm, you know what. I had been a seeker, if you will. It had led me at seventeen to run off to India and to live in a you know, make a pilgrimage to a sacred site and lived there for many years. And so I had been a seeker. I had been looking for that alignment um, if you will, at an earlier age. And UM, I did find a connection with something greater that has really carried me through dark days. It didn't preclude me from having them, but that connection, I want to say that grace um shortened the distance between you know the dark knight of the soul and stepping back into feeling in the sunlight of the spirit, if you will. So I do feel like because I had that at seventeen, and I had been a seeker, I was able to continue to grow out my spiritual path and yet be this courageous person trying out all these other things, still looking outside of myself or solutions, until I finally came to that resting place seventeen years ago. I was like, I'm done, I'm done seeking, I'm done thinking. It's somewhere else. It's in that relationship. And you know, at that time I was married, and that relationship a year or so later, Um, I didn't didn't hold, but it continued in another form because we were co parenting. We had two small children, and so yeah, so that's that's that's that part. So I will say, I have always been looking and trying to through therapy, through all these different paths of trying to find that center within myself. And I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know that was what I was seeking. But I definitely picked up more urgency with that addiction piece, I will say, So I'm grateful for it. I'm sure um along with that. You know, being a person in recovery myself, you know you come across brothers and sisters that have a difficult time leaning into the spirituality of program or spirituality in life in general. So as a spiritual life coach, uh, I make up that you've come across clients that that have you know, closed doors to their spirituality. How are you able to maybe for our listeners, if there's someone out there that has a hard time connecting with that spirituality, how do you invite that when you have a client like that. M I think we can redefine it. I think it's about broadening that definition of spirituality. I mean, what what could that be? What's something greater than you? You know, it could just be the idea of love, It could be nature, It could be something that it feels bigger than the ego, bigger than the personality. And that might even be that godhead within yourself, or that connection when you look at your child and feel that that love, that's obviously much that transcends. You know, they're the finite part of our humanity. You feel that that greatness. So I think I would talk to them about redefining what spirituality looks like. And it's not the crystals and the singing bowls and you know, going to church, and it's not. It doesn't have to be all of that. It can be much more simple and much more connected. And um, I love that beautiful adage of you know, something greater can be closer than our hands and feet, right, and so that's within us. So how can we have access to that within our own selves? And I think everybody wants that because we all are enslaved a certain hard to our minds and our thoughts. You know, we have eighty thousand thoughts of demost in which are unconscious. So to be able to drop past that into that part of us that's calm and peaceful, that can be or something greater. We can access that through lots of different mortalities, meditation being one of them. What with hypnotherapy, is that kind of like an E. M D R brain spotting or is it completely different? Because I make up that like it has the same reaction, But is it or is it totally different? Well, it's I can't speak to that because I don't practice that. I know it's way effective, and I think it's something that you practice too, Is that right? Um? So with hypnotherapy though, how how is like what what's the process with that? Like? What are like what are people getting hypnotized for because I've only heard of hypnoti hypnotization when it's to quit smoking or I don't know what, Like what else can you be hypnotized for? Sure? Well, it's it's let's just say this that trance is a natural state for us. So I love to start out by talking about that, that we're in trance more often than we know. We're in trance when we're driving a car for me to b and we don't know how we got to be where that was a form of trance right or when we're reading a book or we're watching a movie. It's really moving into this focused state of awareness. And then you have these brainway of activity levels like right now we're in beta. Below that is alpha, and you can kind of dip into that in meditation or when you're you know, doing something to the exclusion of other things. And then below that is Theta. So when we're in hypnosis would be like a guided meditation and hypnotherapist would guide you into this very relaxed state of mind and body. And that is when in that theta state, that is when the subconscious is most receptive to new ideas and new ways of being. So that's where we find people do great with quitting smoking or nail biting or any of those. But it also works great for old ideas around love, ideas around um, success, abundance, security, So we find those are where all those ideas are stored. Because the subconscious mind houses every memory you've ever had, any emotion ever had, and your imagination. So that's what we tap into. That part of you that really keeps a record of anything that's ever happened in the past, and we might have picked up ideas around things that actually aren't for our highest benefit. So it's it's really getting the conscious mind in the subconscious mind on board, and that's how hypnosis works. That's cool. Is that something in your practice that you know, the hypnotherapy or meditation. Do you eventually try to get each of your patients or clients kind of on a path of that or is it kind of specific to that person, whether or not you think they could get to that level of spirituality or or whatever it may be. You know, different people come to me for different things. And and most people have a healthy fear of hypnosis because they think they're going to be made a full love in some way, or they're going to be acting, you know, outside of their balands of you know, they're their high ground, if you will. So it's really just knowing that I hypnotherepis can't make you do anything you don't want to, and it's really what's in line with your moral compass. So um, that's one way to look at it. And so I feel like I don't really have to um. I think you build a rapport with someone and then then they come to trust and they know your voice and they know you're you know, listening to how they are. You have that connection, and then from that point then they might be willing to try hypnosis or something else something. So people come for a different reasons. Some people come directly and just say I want to do hypnosis. I know this works, heard I've heard it works, I know it's effective. And then other people start out through the coaching path and then they come to find they realize they're hitting these same blocks over and over because consciously, if you realize you're doing the same thing, it's sometimes not self knowledge. Is not always enough right to actually make that change. You can know, oh I do this, I do that. I get triggered when this happens, when you say this, this hapen, but you can't quite get past that. So what is that? Usually that's some idea that's in that subconscious party yourself and sort of we stift through that together. It's a you know, it's a partnership. Um, so I know, and I want to I want to be sensitive this just because, um, you know it is your past and you have kids with with your ex. How did you heal through the pain of things that went on in your relationship, your past relationship, Like, what was the thing that helped you here? Because I know we have so many people that are in bad relationships, toxic relationships. What was the what was a the breaking point to be like I deserve better? Or and then also how did you heal from within? Well? I stopped making him the bad guy, right, and then I had to give up my victim card. Um, And so those are those are a couple of things of taking absolute responsibility for my own emotional life and my past and my triggers and just showing up in that capacity. I'm so grateful that, Um, we had a good shot trying to do that and I was able to bring these new tools into that marriage. And then there's also that moment where you say that we've gone as far as we can and UM, I love that when relationships can end um with with consciousness, with awareness, with still with love bringing that to it and saying, you know, with all the tools, I'm working with everything, with me taking out absolute responsibility for myself, it's become clear to me that this partnership isn't for the highest good and I want the best for you, and I want this to continue, and it will continue in a different form certainly when you have children. It does continue. But that level of awareness I'm so grateful for, um, And it doesn't doesn't end in drama and in chaos, which I brought plenty of to that marriage. So grateful that I had another way of closing it up. If you will, you know you're talking on that makes you think of a topic that you talk about in some year, stuff which is radical self acceptance, and that that concept is so intriguing to me, and I would love for you to kind of give your insight on on what that means. Well, I think it's we've touched on it a tiny bit and it's you know, radical acceptance is is it is a dialectical behavior therapy term. So I want to give honor that where it came from, and then the self acceptance part is always going to be good. But let's first cover the radical acceptance is about things. Accepting things as they are, you know, not not necessarily condoning them, not not that you don't want them to be different, not saying this is the way I wanted to be, just saying it is what it is. And a lot of times we get stuck as humans and we get into that spinning our wheels. It shouldn't be this way. It should be different. They should be doing this. I should have got that job. I should It's like all of that spinning of the wheels. When we can just move into that radical acceptance and acknowledging this is how it is for right now. And when I accept all my feelings underneath that, all that goes with it, when I honor all of that, then I can come up with another solution and it can be different. I think it's just an important step when we're in you know, that fighting flight mode. Or we're in that victim mode of it shouldn't have happened this way, It shouldn't be this way. It doesn't mean I agree with it, It just means I accept it m And so that goes true for self acceptance. I am doing this behavior again. There it is, you know, bringing that curiosity to it. Oh, wow, there's that behavior. I think a lot of times we have these images of how we think we should be and then how we actually really are. And so that's you know, there's a lot of pain that happens in that in that closing that gap. And so when we can move into that space of owning all our parts, all that part that we stuff into the shadow, you know, the partner basement, that we disown all those parts of ourselves and we wear these masks to hide behind so we don't have to own those other parts. When we can move into you radical self acceptance and say I accept all parts of myself, it's assuming total responsibility. Then we heal, then we integrate. Then we show up in full partnership and not expecting our partner to deliver us things that were unwilling to do the work to deliver ourselves. Yeah, that's great, I am what would you say to the people right now because there's so much uncertainty with a lot of things, the virus, everything happening in the world right now, Um, what would you say to them? To the soul that is anxious and um yeah, I'm just curious, like, how do you how do you help with that anxious soul? During these times, I say, I feel you We're all in this together, right This is one of those moments where I know there's some division, but at the end of the day, we're all humans with beating hearts that want to know love and security and we want to feel connectivity. And it is that moment in time to highlight that in your life, in your space, make sure you curate you know who you spend time with. It really helps, It really creates your reality. Watch what you're thinking, Watch how you air to you know, you slide into that negative perspective. I think where you can curate that positivity in your life, not in that Pollyanna kind of way, but really looking for the good where you know, in different holidays at this period of time, this would be a time to really count your blessings, to look at how you have, how this year has changed you because it has changed people either kicking and screaming or voluntarily. We've had to reprioritize. We've had to um, you know, um solidify certain things in our lives that maybe things got big and expanded, and we've had to pull that in and create our core group, our core circle, and also you know, developing that relationship with yourself. I mean, here's the thing. There is no security out there, right. I say this often, and it's you know, it's it's it's can seem shocking. But we've we've we're under the illusion that this is this world is a place, so we can put anchors and tethers in. You know, we have this idea and partnership like you complete me. You know that our children are extensions of ourselves. That when I get that bank account, I'll be safe, when I have that job, I'll be okay. But this is a period of time where kind of a lot of those things are dissolving and we're moving into pulling in things really tight. And what am I in partnership with Truly, I'm in partnership with me, partnership with myself. I'm the constant kids grow up, husbands, can come and go. You know, you guys are still in it, and blessings to you much love, because there's great work to be done. You know. In partnership, it's really the master class, um, where if you're conscious and you're holding up the mirror to each other lovingly, that you can really evolve and walk through this in a beautiful way together. So partnership is beautiful and powerful. Certainly it has so much grace to it. Um, they can and then when we're unconscious, we're just like bumping into each other and triggering each other all over the place, and we think, oh, maybe somewhere else I'll get my solution right from But I think people are realizing that now that this is a time to really check your thinking, check your world, to check your space. How connected are you? What's true for you now? M man. It's like the perfect message for what we need right now with Thanksgiving tomorrow and then with the political climate that we're dealing with these days. I mean, nothing more than just And sometimes I feel like people get away from it being that simple. Right, We're just human beings all looking for the same thing, and we don't have to overreact to everyone else's opinions or expressions or whatever. I know I'm guilty of that at times, but I love it. It was like, yeah, you do well, Ryan, We really appreciate your time. Thank you so much for spending this time with us and kind of sharing your wisdom with it with ourselves, UM and our listeners, you know, especially before this holiday season. And if you want to know more, UM, definitely go to Ryan Haddan dot com are r y A N h A D d o n dot com. She's got a six week relationship course and a few other courses to in private workshops like stepping into your Purpose, the work life balance, and finding your center. Um. We actually we visited your website last night and it was just I was immediately just like I felt zen and I was like, I need to take everything on this page, but just thank you for putting that energy out into the world because we need more people like you, So thank you. Thanks for having me. You guys have a good holiday. I mean, I think we all need. It's something that we kind of talked about in where our pastor was talking about in church, like everyone should have like a mentor just someone that has that energy that can Um. I'm not saying she's a mentor, but I mean she could be for someone, but just having that life coach or that mentor that puts things back into perspective. Yeah, that puts things but also can help you kind of not freak out or not stress out or just see the you see the light when there's a lot of darkness. So yeah, I mean she she definitely has that therapy tone of voice. I mean that'll just lull you to sleep in a good way of like just kind of calming your nerves, like calming your heartbeat. Like everything I felt was just like calm and just relaxed. And so I mean, she was talking about some amazing messages. So definitely go check out her website or her instagram is Ryan Head and Coach on Instagram, So go check that out. But let's finish up with an email and call it a holiday. This is an interesting email because we've deal with this a little bit. It's from anonymous. I wanted to know how you and my handle each other's friends when you don't like them or their spouse. In my case, my husband's best friend's wife hates me and always manages to talk trash, either directly to me or to others about me. Yeah, what is your breaking point with friends and friends spouses? At what point in the disrespect of your spouse do you cut both people out of your lives? Well, all, first off, say, if there was someone that was talking trash, like if one of my friends was talking crap about you, aid to your face or behind your back, like, I would have your back and I'd be like, I would cut them out. And I would pray that if one of your friends talked crap about me, you would, you know, which you kind of did to your one friend he had said something when years ago, No, this happened in January when you when we got caught that stuff, so and you you kind of clap back. That's to them, But I would just hope that you would do the same thing. But it's interesting because we do have situations where there's someone in Mike's circle that I do not like. I mean like I do not like him at all. But he's one of Mike's good friends. And what we've done is we just don't hang out as a couple anymore because and there's someone that you don't like in one of my circles, you know, it's not really in your circle. I'm just saying it's still a friend that you see this that just brews my point. And because that one guy that you, I mean, it's not really I mean he's one of the circles, but I mean that's one of my circle groups and he you know, so I just I don't really talk about the person in front of him, and he doesn't really talk about that person in front of me because I just can't stop when it when he brings up, because it's just, oh, it's hard. But I will say that's it's it's very it's very hard to find a couple that you like both parties. Like there's a couple of dudes in his circle the dudes are awesome and the wives are and then his other side where the wives are awesome and the dudes are. Yeah, I mean, percentage wise, do you think it's more guys are cool? I see what you're doing there. Uh No, I think it's just that just happened to be in that No. No, I think in our case it is no, because there's only one dude I like out of that group. Now you don't even know the other ones. No, here's the thing from this email standpoint. Yeah, saying if they're talking, then like, if any of my friends are talking, I'll call him out and say, if you continue to do that, peace, like I'll choose my wife. That's right, So but that but the but the thing is is like none of my close friends would do that, right, So you almost have to wonder in this case, like why your husband's Well, here's the thing. It's his best friend's wife. His best friends. So just imagine if one of your best friends, let's say like, who's your who's your best friend? I don't have one, but say say, al well, you're gonna say the one because the wife does. But she would the so his wife does isn't like a huge fan of mine and one of Mike's best friends. But so yeah, we had a little thing and she doesn't like me, and that's okay, it's fine, we have what's fine, we're not besties, it's all good. But if she were to say something directly to me or to Mike like that's so wrong, but you wouldn't be friends with this person. You wouldn't stop, I'm sorry, wouldn't stop being friends with this person. If the wife was saying, in my case, my husband's best friend's wife hates me and always managed just talk trash into directly to me or to others about me. So you know darn well that this dude's wife is going to say bad things about me if I was, because we know she asked, because that's how we found out about things. Yeah, but here's the thing. He did his best at telling his wife to to stop with that, and he was kind of playing Switzerland a little bit because he was caught in a rock and heart between a rock and hard place. But it's not like it's an ongoing thing now. If it still was, then there'd be an issue, you know what I mean. So I would tell like with this guy, I would tell, you know, your husband anonymous, he needs to tell his best friend, be like, yo, your wife needs to cut this out or it's going to affect our relationship because it would affect mine with my friends. And it did kind of for a second. Did absolutely did. She's a bummer because I'm like, I didn't mean to, you know, and I tried to apologize and no, I know you you handled up like a big person, but um like a big girl. I handled it like a big girl. But no, I mean, I think you know that is tough. But you know, outside of this specific situation, when it comes down to it, we're still a lot to be friends with who we want to be friends with, as long as it's not, uh, you know, harming the relationship. Me still being friends with my one friend that you don't like doesn't harm our relationship, you know what I mean. So it's just one of those things. Um. You guys, we hope all of you have a very safe, healthy, happy Thanksgiving, however you spend it. We know a lot of you aren't able to be with your loved ones this Thanksgiving. Um, we hear you, we see you. You're not alone and um and if you're breathing, if you're listening to this, be thankful that you are and just find you know, so listen those little things like that. And if you get lonely, you're not alone, call a friend, put your cat, take your dog for a while. You're not alone. You're saying, if you lonely, have a cat, probably that's what I'm saying. I'm just saying, like, like, I'm sure you have a you'll pet your goldfish. And if you're all all alone, DM me and we'll DM each other because I don't want you to be alone. Bet your cat. That didn't sound bad. I'm sorry. Go bet your cat. See you next week. Everything's giving me. I'm sorry.

Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which is your favorite holiday? It is my favorite holiday. What makes it your favorite holiday? What makes it my favorite holiday? Well, it's actually kind of, um a sad thing. But as a kid, um, when my parents got divorced, well even even like when my parents were together, it was always Christmas was just crazy. We were had to go to like so many different families, and then when my parents got divorced, it was one side of the family was never happy, so no matter how long we stayed there or didn't spend time, so it just became like pressure and I didn't like having to be I don't know, I just was I wish like our family got up together at the same time time and we were together, and but not having to go to this house in this house because my parents are divorced, and so that always just put a little damper of Christmas. But with Thanksgiving, even when my parents got divorced, Thanksgiving was always my aunt Susie's house and that never changed. And I just, I don't know, I just I love Thanksgiving because it was so much fun. It was my aunt and uncles and my grandpa and my grandpa makes the best stuffing of all time, which I am now pressured to make. Well. We almost last second decided to just go to Michigan because I'm like, my grandpa's getting my grandma Grandpa both getting so old, and it's a stuffing and my Grandma's pumpkin pie for you. But then I realized, Okay, God forbid, we have something that we catch on the plane and we give to them. So I hope they're around next year that we can and this will all be we'll all be vaccinated or whatever and we can go to um, you know, to have Thanksgiving with them again. But I don't know. Thanksgiving there's just like no pressure and it was just fun and we played games, we played ker and we had great food and there was just no pressure of gifts or going from house to house and I don't know, it's just yeah, it was just chill and the food, I mean, the stuffing. He's famous for it. And now you're stressing out a little. But we went to the grocery store this morning. It's are you worried? Because Grandpa came here two months ago and he sat down and he told you exactly how to make it. It was. It wasn't like exactly step by step. I had about five people. It was like your grandpa, then your mom, your Grandma's like, well, then you gotta just the bread is actually a stale bread. Don't forget the onion, oh Marge. And then someone else saying and someone else saying something else, and I'm just like jotting down chicken scratch. Can't even read my own handwriting this morning looking back at it. But and then my Grandpa's like, and then you take the what was it the heart or giblets? The giblets, and I'm like, what's the giblets And he's like, that's the good stuff. Yeah, like the liver and grind it up and put it in the pan with the onions out on it. We'll find out. So here's to hope. And I don't ruin your Thanksgiving. He won't ruin it. But there is something to be said about just his thanks I mean, his his stuffing. It's so good. Which, shoot, we forgot the gravy. I hope we have gravy. I'm gonna have to text our friends. You have to have gravy. You have to have gravy. I know. I feel like sometimes people don't have enough gravy and we have to have meshed potatoes. Oh my goodness, I gotta make sure that the menus. Yeah, but I'm I'm excited though, even though I'm sad that we're not going to do a family But what is your favorite holiday? It used to be Thanksgiving. Um, kind of not for the same reason, but a little bit for the same reason. You know, my parents were the ones that got divorced. But my parents are the only ones on either side of the family that have never been divorced or married in general. Um, so Thanksgiving was always my mom's side of the family. And that was like when my grandma was active and not suffering from dementia, and she was the most unbelievable cook, like everything from scratch, She like cook it all herself. It was unreal. And you know, the parents are upstairs. She had a little split split foyer the house and the kid's tables downstairs. And I just remember just the memories of Thanksgiving downstairs with me and my cousins and my sister and you know, because there's six of us and are all around the same age. So that was just a lot of fun. But now I think it's Christmas, and growing up, I think, you know, my family was an outlier where we got to benefit from just both families happen to do on different days. My dad's side was always Christmas Eve. My mom's side was always from day, so there wasn't any pressure of all right, we gotta go to get your dad's side of family. Okay, we gotta go here. That's just the way it was when I was a kid. So that was you know, we've benefited from that. But I just love to get getting together. I definitely think Christmas now is my favorite because the thanks leavings now my saddest because it's not like how it used to be. So I'm not with Grandpa and Grandma and my aunts and uncles and my mom and that side of the family. But now Christmas so that's like become now like my sad memory, um, which is I wish we could fly to Michigan, dangy covid um, just because you know they're our grandparents are getting old so um. But now I think Christmas is my favorite just because the kids, oh so much fun and I'm excited to you know, it's just yeah, Christmas morning, it's it's the best, and then it's like the worst because it's like when it's all done, you're like, all right, we now putting bad areas and everything. Oh that's funny. I love it though. You know, tonight I didn't know this if Easter and I were just talking about it before the show, but I didn't know until later in my life that tonight was like the biggest going out night of the year. Really. Yeah, it's like bigger than New Year's, bigger than when all the I mean, gosh, when I used to come back from l A, oh, I just thought I was hot. I would just walk into the main street Billiards in Rochester. I was like, that's right, I'm back from l A. And then like if you just see all, you're like high school. But I mean it was packed. It's like sweet Home Alabama. Oh my god. I couldn't even imagine she does in l A. Had you been on anything yet? What have you been on anything yet? I mean probably not, But I still thought l A was cool. Yeah, Um, I guess I never did. I never experienced it because I was always in football. Yeah know, I mean I definitely remember, but that being the night before everyone went out because at any time I would go home for a thing, because I never missed a Thanksgiving, even when I lived in l A. So, oh my god, I did miss one. Remember I touched that story. What happened? He stood not to bring up the past, but I did miss one Thanksgiving. But I mean, that was kind of hard to say no to kin to. I'll even admit that. Ethan just goes tell the story. The story. Now, I don't want to bring up I'm just I had to accurately speak the truth because I said I always I never missed a Thanksgiving. But then I just remembered the one that I did miss because it's someone I was dating. But it was like, it's dad, you know. I was like, that's pretty cool. And this was probably like the year before me. Huh, it was right after I mean yeah it was. It was Yeah, I had just broken up with someone and then I started dating this other dude. Can I just say that? Who that was? I mean Easton? Oh, this is actually your neck of the woods. What do you mean? Your neck Montito? We went to Montcito. Who is it? Wait, let's play a game. Let's do a guessing game. This is fun. I don't know how to play the game. So this person has a famous father. Is that is that? Okay? And his father has a home in Montcito? Okay? Um? Trying to think is something that clever? He's a mute, he was a mule in a movie he's played He's played a mule, he's played a and all the movies. I just like, was he it an outlaw? Do you feel lucky? Okay? Do you punk? Dirty? Harry? I never saw it? Wait this, okay, I I know who it is now, But is this person that you were with is his son is an actor? Too? Right? Yeah? Okay? Uh yeah, I think we all know who it is now. That's all we'll give you. They're good and they're not going to know that. Really everyone knows. Do you do you feel a lucky? I didn't know it, do you. I'm not gonna like when you said he played a mule. I was like Janet dated one of Eddie Murphy's kids. That was it. He was donkey in the Shrek movies. But a mule is not a donkey. They're different animals. That's not who it is, huh. I mean I wouldn't know. So anyways, Janna got the invite to go there for Thanksgiving instead of just her whole family that would always be there for her and Grandpa stuffing. And she said, nope, the same thing. I don't blame you, I mean of us. It was Clint Eastwood. Come on, d she just throws it out there. I mean, how could I How could I say no? But I actually it was so embarrassing because I made a fool of myself in front of him. What'd you do? Remember at the I was in the bathroom when that happened Thanksgiving dinner. No, I told him how he should have ended million dollar Baby. I think I was nervous. If it was me, I totally would have done. But No, I got some to say to you, Clint. No, I was. It was so embarrassing because his son went to the bathroom and I was just like, your son's a very nice guy. And he's like, huh because he's old, and I was like, your son is a very nice man. And then I just was so uncomfortable and I was like sweating, and I was like, Okay, I actually can I talk to you about something? And I was like, so in million dollars, million dollar baby. When Hillary swank it was the last scene and they were going at it. The ref said, one more cheap shot and you're disqualified, and at the very end, her opponent cheap shot it again, so she should have then been disqualified, which would have meant Hillary swank one, not the other girl, because he gave the championship to the other girl even though the ref said one more cheap shot, they get eliminated. And he gave me like just to stare and went huh m hmm, and I was just like, I'm going to bury my head in this bowl. I'm so disappointed in you, and I didn't even know you then, so disappointed. But do you see what I'm saying though, Like the ref said, that's too predictable, you're talking to the guy who wrote the damn thing, directed the damn thing, starting the damn thing. I was nervous and I was trying to make conversation. Triple Crown. That movie didn't win like Best Picture. Also, yeah, yeah, hey, you know you could have done on that Best Picture. Oscar Huh. I'm crying right now. This is the funniest thing I've ever He should have gotten up, walked over to wherever his Oscar is, grabbed it and put it on the table in front of Janna've been like, I'm just saying the ref said, one more cheap shot and you're eliminated, and the girl cheap shot at Hillary, which then took her out. So the Hillary should have won. Here's what people need to know about Janna when she watched this thing. If it doesn't end the way she wants it to end, it's the rules. The ref said, it's over, she writes it off. Movie was terrible, didn't end the way I want. Why didn't they end up together? Why didn't Why did Glinice win, Harry Swink have a baby? Everyone should be happy? Oh lord, you're like sweating right now. Really, isn't it. Well, it's just it's because the ref said. And so it's like I would have been fine if the ref didn't say that, Like he should have at least cut that line. I'm in a week up in the middle of the night, like later in the week and just cry like baby should have entered. I can't believe it. He won Best Director for that movie too. He has too Oscar. Yeah, I know, Well, Me and the Sun broke up like the day after, so maybe his dad don't want to break up with me most likely. Alright, let's take a break. We'll come back to this. Something else please. Okay, So we have a really exciting guest that we're going to have on the show. Mike's gonna enter her in her second. But um, we basically wanted to have someone on because look, Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. UM, we have you guys might be getting together with your family. You might not, but there might be some fighting arguing with the pandemic and the stress of just everything, um, politics and just everything that everyone's facing right now. Because I'll know, I do know this, Like my anxiety has been up just with the cases rising, so um, you know, kind of freaks me out work wise and obviously just the overall uncertainty. UM. So we have, um, Ryan Hadden coming on. Mike take it away. Yeah, we have an amazingly accomplished woman on today. Ryan is a certified life and spiritual coach. She's a hypnotherapist, certified meditation teacher with over sixteen years of experience with clients around the world. Um. She does private workshops such as Stepping into your Purpose, the work life balance, and finding your center. And before all of that, she was in a volatile relationship with Christian Slater, and she's helped a ton of people in Hollywood kind of you know, rid themselves of the life that they that can consume you and helping people that are in toxic relationships that have you know, suffered from drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, codependency, low self esteem, all that. So we're gonna get her on and just talk everything that she does. Ryan, Hey, how are you? How are you going? You? It's so good to see you. Go to see you too. Ryan. We're excited to have you on. Um. You know, everything that we've been reading about you are things that we talk about on this show. And it seems like you're kind of a jack of all trades, um in the sense of just everything that you cover and so give our listeners, you know, we kind of gave them a little bit of background, but can you explain to us, like how you got into all these fields that you're into. Sure, Well, first off, thanks for having me. It's a pleasure to be here. And I love what you guys are all about too, and thanks for making this platform. It's it's important for people to get information, um about how to you know, move into a relationship with themselves, and we think it's about having relationships with others, but it's ultimately how are we showing up for ourselves within that relationship and everyone benefits. So thank you for talking about those things. And for me, my journey is UM that I found most of my life, I was looking for that solution outside of myself, be it in trying to bend my body to a certain weight or um finding that perfect relationship out there that doesn't exist. Are in turn, you know, chasing the shine, things and people, places and things and all of that and then ultimately leading it to a very real and present bottom in UM addiction. And so in that recovery process that's almost seventeen years ago, I found that I really loved working with other women and helping them sort of put those pieces together for themselves and really lean into themselves and truly finding that from that place, everything else kind of worked out, you know, all the purpose, the passion, the relationship, the making peace with your body, all those different elements. Do you only work with with women? I don't. I work with men too now, But it started out working with women, and I do work with men. Actually. I just that's just opening up and it's very very interesting. I have this flood of men that I'm working with these days, and I love it. We've got to balance the both sides, right, the feminine the masculine within ourselves. So of course that would come through my practice. So before you got again, we interview kind of gave them a background of what you do for a living now and before you got into the spiritual life coaching and hypnotherapy and everything like that. When you hit your bottom, like you said, was about seventeen years ago, what were you doing before that? And why was that moment? You know, that moment of clarity for you? M hm, you know what. I had been a seeker, if you will. It had led me at seventeen to run off to India and to live in a you know, make a pilgrimage to a sacred site and lived there for many years. And so I had been a seeker. I had been looking for that alignment um, if you will, at an earlier age. And UM, I did find a connection with something greater that has really carried me through dark days. It didn't preclude me from having them, but that connection, I want to say that grace um shortened the distance between you know the dark knight of the soul and stepping back into feeling in the sunlight of the spirit, if you will. So I do feel like because I had that at seventeen, and I had been a seeker, I was able to continue to grow out my spiritual path and yet be this courageous person trying out all these other things, still looking outside of myself or solutions, until I finally came to that resting place seventeen years ago. I was like, I'm done, I'm done seeking, I'm done thinking. It's somewhere else. It's in that relationship. And you know, at that time I was married, and that relationship a year or so later, Um, I didn't didn't hold, but it continued in another form because we were co parenting. We had two small children, and so yeah, so that's that's that's that part. So I will say, I have always been looking and trying to through therapy, through all these different paths of trying to find that center within myself. And I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know that was what I was seeking. But I definitely picked up more urgency with that addiction piece, I will say, So I'm grateful for it. I'm sure um along with that. You know, being a person in recovery myself, you know you come across brothers and sisters that have a difficult time leaning into the spirituality of program or spirituality in life in general. So as a spiritual life coach, uh, I make up that you've come across clients that that have you know, closed doors to their spirituality. How are you able to maybe for our listeners, if there's someone out there that has a hard time connecting with that spirituality, how do you invite that when you have a client like that. M I think we can redefine it. I think it's about broadening that definition of spirituality. I mean, what what could that be? What's something greater than you? You know, it could just be the idea of love, It could be nature, It could be something that it feels bigger than the ego, bigger than the personality. And that might even be that godhead within yourself, or that connection when you look at your child and feel that that love, that's obviously much that transcends. You know, they're the finite part of our humanity. You feel that that greatness. So I think I would talk to them about redefining what spirituality looks like. And it's not the crystals and the singing bowls and you know, going to church, and it's not. It doesn't have to be all of that. It can be much more simple and much more connected. And um, I love that beautiful adage of you know, something greater can be closer than our hands and feet, right, and so that's within us. So how can we have access to that within our own selves? And I think everybody wants that because we all are enslaved a certain hard to our minds and our thoughts. You know, we have eighty thousand thoughts of demost in which are unconscious. So to be able to drop past that into that part of us that's calm and peaceful, that can be or something greater. We can access that through lots of different mortalities, meditation being one of them. What with hypnotherapy, is that kind of like an E. M D R brain spotting or is it completely different? Because I make up that like it has the same reaction, But is it or is it totally different? Well, it's I can't speak to that because I don't practice that. I know it's way effective, and I think it's something that you practice too, Is that right? Um? So with hypnotherapy though, how how is like what what's the process with that? Like? What are like what are people getting hypnotized for because I've only heard of hypnoti hypnotization when it's to quit smoking or I don't know what, Like what else can you be hypnotized for? Sure? Well, it's it's let's just say this that trance is a natural state for us. So I love to start out by talking about that, that we're in trance more often than we know. We're in trance when we're driving a car for me to b and we don't know how we got to be where that was a form of trance right or when we're reading a book or we're watching a movie. It's really moving into this focused state of awareness. And then you have these brainway of activity levels like right now we're in beta. Below that is alpha, and you can kind of dip into that in meditation or when you're you know, doing something to the exclusion of other things. And then below that is Theta. So when we're in hypnosis would be like a guided meditation and hypnotherapist would guide you into this very relaxed state of mind and body. And that is when in that theta state, that is when the subconscious is most receptive to new ideas and new ways of being. So that's where we find people do great with quitting smoking or nail biting or any of those. But it also works great for old ideas around love, ideas around um, success, abundance, security, So we find those are where all those ideas are stored. Because the subconscious mind houses every memory you've ever had, any emotion ever had, and your imagination. So that's what we tap into. That part of you that really keeps a record of anything that's ever happened in the past, and we might have picked up ideas around things that actually aren't for our highest benefit. So it's it's really getting the conscious mind in the subconscious mind on board, and that's how hypnosis works. That's cool. Is that something in your practice that you know, the hypnotherapy or meditation. Do you eventually try to get each of your patients or clients kind of on a path of that or is it kind of specific to that person, whether or not you think they could get to that level of spirituality or or whatever it may be. You know, different people come to me for different things. And and most people have a healthy fear of hypnosis because they think they're going to be made a full love in some way, or they're going to be acting, you know, outside of their balands of you know, they're their high ground, if you will. So it's really just knowing that I hypnotherepis can't make you do anything you don't want to, and it's really what's in line with your moral compass. So um, that's one way to look at it. And so I feel like I don't really have to um. I think you build a rapport with someone and then then they come to trust and they know your voice and they know you're you know, listening to how they are. You have that connection, and then from that point then they might be willing to try hypnosis or something else something. So people come for a different reasons. Some people come directly and just say I want to do hypnosis. I know this works, heard I've heard it works, I know it's effective. And then other people start out through the coaching path and then they come to find they realize they're hitting these same blocks over and over because consciously, if you realize you're doing the same thing, it's sometimes not self knowledge. Is not always enough right to actually make that change. You can know, oh I do this, I do that. I get triggered when this happens, when you say this, this hapen, but you can't quite get past that. So what is that? Usually that's some idea that's in that subconscious party yourself and sort of we stift through that together. It's a you know, it's a partnership. Um, so I know, and I want to I want to be sensitive this just because, um, you know it is your past and you have kids with with your ex. How did you heal through the pain of things that went on in your relationship, your past relationship, Like, what was the thing that helped you here? Because I know we have so many people that are in bad relationships, toxic relationships. What was the what was a the breaking point to be like I deserve better? Or and then also how did you heal from within? Well? I stopped making him the bad guy, right, and then I had to give up my victim card. Um, And so those are those are a couple of things of taking absolute responsibility for my own emotional life and my past and my triggers and just showing up in that capacity. I'm so grateful that, Um, we had a good shot trying to do that and I was able to bring these new tools into that marriage. And then there's also that moment where you say that we've gone as far as we can and UM, I love that when relationships can end um with with consciousness, with awareness, with still with love bringing that to it and saying, you know, with all the tools, I'm working with everything, with me taking out absolute responsibility for myself, it's become clear to me that this partnership isn't for the highest good and I want the best for you, and I want this to continue, and it will continue in a different form certainly when you have children. It does continue. But that level of awareness I'm so grateful for, um, And it doesn't doesn't end in drama and in chaos, which I brought plenty of to that marriage. So grateful that I had another way of closing it up. If you will, you know you're talking on that makes you think of a topic that you talk about in some year, stuff which is radical self acceptance, and that that concept is so intriguing to me, and I would love for you to kind of give your insight on on what that means. Well, I think it's we've touched on it a tiny bit and it's you know, radical acceptance is is it is a dialectical behavior therapy term. So I want to give honor that where it came from, and then the self acceptance part is always going to be good. But let's first cover the radical acceptance is about things. Accepting things as they are, you know, not not necessarily condoning them, not not that you don't want them to be different, not saying this is the way I wanted to be, just saying it is what it is. And a lot of times we get stuck as humans and we get into that spinning our wheels. It shouldn't be this way. It should be different. They should be doing this. I should have got that job. I should It's like all of that spinning of the wheels. When we can just move into that radical acceptance and acknowledging this is how it is for right now. And when I accept all my feelings underneath that, all that goes with it, when I honor all of that, then I can come up with another solution and it can be different. I think it's just an important step when we're in you know, that fighting flight mode. Or we're in that victim mode of it shouldn't have happened this way, It shouldn't be this way. It doesn't mean I agree with it, It just means I accept it m And so that goes true for self acceptance. I am doing this behavior again. There it is, you know, bringing that curiosity to it. Oh, wow, there's that behavior. I think a lot of times we have these images of how we think we should be and then how we actually really are. And so that's you know, there's a lot of pain that happens in that in that closing that gap. And so when we can move into that space of owning all our parts, all that part that we stuff into the shadow, you know, the partner basement, that we disown all those parts of ourselves and we wear these masks to hide behind so we don't have to own those other parts. When we can move into you radical self acceptance and say I accept all parts of myself, it's assuming total responsibility. Then we heal, then we integrate. Then we show up in full partnership and not expecting our partner to deliver us things that were unwilling to do the work to deliver ourselves. Yeah, that's great, I am what would you say to the people right now because there's so much uncertainty with a lot of things, the virus, everything happening in the world right now, Um, what would you say to them? To the soul that is anxious and um yeah, I'm just curious, like, how do you how do you help with that anxious soul? During these times, I say, I feel you We're all in this together, right This is one of those moments where I know there's some division, but at the end of the day, we're all humans with beating hearts that want to know love and security and we want to feel connectivity. And it is that moment in time to highlight that in your life, in your space, make sure you curate you know who you spend time with. It really helps, It really creates your reality. Watch what you're thinking, Watch how you air to you know, you slide into that negative perspective. I think where you can curate that positivity in your life, not in that Pollyanna kind of way, but really looking for the good where you know, in different holidays at this period of time, this would be a time to really count your blessings, to look at how you have, how this year has changed you because it has changed people either kicking and screaming or voluntarily. We've had to reprioritize. We've had to um, you know, um solidify certain things in our lives that maybe things got big and expanded, and we've had to pull that in and create our core group, our core circle, and also you know, developing that relationship with yourself. I mean, here's the thing. There is no security out there, right. I say this often, and it's you know, it's it's it's can seem shocking. But we've we've we're under the illusion that this is this world is a place, so we can put anchors and tethers in. You know, we have this idea and partnership like you complete me. You know that our children are extensions of ourselves. That when I get that bank account, I'll be safe, when I have that job, I'll be okay. But this is a period of time where kind of a lot of those things are dissolving and we're moving into pulling in things really tight. And what am I in partnership with Truly, I'm in partnership with me, partnership with myself. I'm the constant kids grow up, husbands, can come and go. You know, you guys are still in it, and blessings to you much love, because there's great work to be done. You know. In partnership, it's really the master class, um, where if you're conscious and you're holding up the mirror to each other lovingly, that you can really evolve and walk through this in a beautiful way together. So partnership is beautiful and powerful. Certainly it has so much grace to it. Um, they can and then when we're unconscious, we're just like bumping into each other and triggering each other all over the place, and we think, oh, maybe somewhere else I'll get my solution right from But I think people are realizing that now that this is a time to really check your thinking, check your world, to check your space. How connected are you? What's true for you now? M man. It's like the perfect message for what we need right now with Thanksgiving tomorrow and then with the political climate that we're dealing with these days. I mean, nothing more than just And sometimes I feel like people get away from it being that simple. Right, We're just human beings all looking for the same thing, and we don't have to overreact to everyone else's opinions or expressions or whatever. I know I'm guilty of that at times, but I love it. It was like, yeah, you do well, Ryan, We really appreciate your time. Thank you so much for spending this time with us and kind of sharing your wisdom with it with ourselves, UM and our listeners, you know, especially before this holiday season. And if you want to know more, UM, definitely go to Ryan Haddan dot com are r y A N h A D d o n dot com. She's got a six week relationship course and a few other courses to in private workshops like stepping into your Purpose, the work life balance, and finding your center. Um. We actually we visited your website last night and it was just I was immediately just like I felt zen and I was like, I need to take everything on this page, but just thank you for putting that energy out into the world because we need more people like you, So thank you. Thanks for having me. You guys have a good holiday. I mean, I think we all need. It's something that we kind of talked about in where our pastor was talking about in church, like everyone should have like a mentor just someone that has that energy that can Um. I'm not saying she's a mentor, but I mean she could be for someone, but just having that life coach or that mentor that puts things back into perspective. Yeah, that puts things but also can help you kind of not freak out or not stress out or just see the you see the light when there's a lot of darkness. So yeah, I mean she she definitely has that therapy tone of voice. I mean that'll just lull you to sleep in a good way of like just kind of calming your nerves, like calming your heartbeat. Like everything I felt was just like calm and just relaxed. And so I mean, she was talking about some amazing messages. So definitely go check out her website or her instagram is Ryan Head and Coach on Instagram, So go check that out. But let's finish up with an email and call it a holiday. This is an interesting email because we've deal with this a little bit. It's from anonymous. I wanted to know how you and my handle each other's friends when you don't like them or their spouse. In my case, my husband's best friend's wife hates me and always manages to talk trash, either directly to me or to others about me. Yeah, what is your breaking point with friends and friends spouses? At what point in the disrespect of your spouse do you cut both people out of your lives? Well, all, first off, say, if there was someone that was talking trash, like if one of my friends was talking crap about you, aid to your face or behind your back, like, I would have your back and I'd be like, I would cut them out. And I would pray that if one of your friends talked crap about me, you would, you know, which you kind of did to your one friend he had said something when years ago, No, this happened in January when you when we got caught that stuff, so and you you kind of clap back. That's to them, But I would just hope that you would do the same thing. But it's interesting because we do have situations where there's someone in Mike's circle that I do not like. I mean like I do not like him at all. But he's one of Mike's good friends. And what we've done is we just don't hang out as a couple anymore because and there's someone that you don't like in one of my circles, you know, it's not really in your circle. I'm just saying it's still a friend that you see this that just brews my point. And because that one guy that you, I mean, it's not really I mean he's one of the circles, but I mean that's one of my circle groups and he you know, so I just I don't really talk about the person in front of him, and he doesn't really talk about that person in front of me because I just can't stop when it when he brings up, because it's just, oh, it's hard. But I will say that's it's it's very it's very hard to find a couple that you like both parties. Like there's a couple of dudes in his circle the dudes are awesome and the wives are and then his other side where the wives are awesome and the dudes are. Yeah, I mean, percentage wise, do you think it's more guys are cool? I see what you're doing there. Uh No, I think it's just that just happened to be in that No. No, I think in our case it is no, because there's only one dude I like out of that group. Now you don't even know the other ones. No, here's the thing from this email standpoint. Yeah, saying if they're talking, then like, if any of my friends are talking, I'll call him out and say, if you continue to do that, peace, like I'll choose my wife. That's right, So but that but the but the thing is is like none of my close friends would do that, right, So you almost have to wonder in this case, like why your husband's Well, here's the thing. It's his best friend's wife. His best friends. So just imagine if one of your best friends, let's say like, who's your who's your best friend? I don't have one, but say say, al well, you're gonna say the one because the wife does. But she would the so his wife does isn't like a huge fan of mine and one of Mike's best friends. But so yeah, we had a little thing and she doesn't like me, and that's okay, it's fine, we have what's fine, we're not besties, it's all good. But if she were to say something directly to me or to Mike like that's so wrong, but you wouldn't be friends with this person. You wouldn't stop, I'm sorry, wouldn't stop being friends with this person. If the wife was saying, in my case, my husband's best friend's wife hates me and always managed just talk trash into directly to me or to others about me. So you know darn well that this dude's wife is going to say bad things about me if I was, because we know she asked, because that's how we found out about things. Yeah, but here's the thing. He did his best at telling his wife to to stop with that, and he was kind of playing Switzerland a little bit because he was caught in a rock and heart between a rock and hard place. But it's not like it's an ongoing thing now. If it still was, then there'd be an issue, you know what I mean. So I would tell like with this guy, I would tell, you know, your husband anonymous, he needs to tell his best friend, be like, yo, your wife needs to cut this out or it's going to affect our relationship because it would affect mine with my friends. And it did kind of for a second. Did absolutely did. She's a bummer because I'm like, I didn't mean to, you know, and I tried to apologize and no, I know you you handled up like a big person, but um like a big girl. I handled it like a big girl. But no, I mean, I think you know that is tough. But you know, outside of this specific situation, when it comes down to it, we're still a lot to be friends with who we want to be friends with, as long as it's not, uh, you know, harming the relationship. Me still being friends with my one friend that you don't like doesn't harm our relationship, you know what I mean. So it's just one of those things. Um. You guys, we hope all of you have a very safe, healthy, happy Thanksgiving, however you spend it. We know a lot of you aren't able to be with your loved ones this Thanksgiving. Um, we hear you, we see you. You're not alone and um and if you're breathing, if you're listening to this, be thankful that you are and just find you know, so listen those little things like that. And if you get lonely, you're not alone, call a friend, put your cat, take your dog for a while. You're not alone. You're saying, if you lonely, have a cat, probably that's what I'm saying. I'm just saying, like, like, I'm sure you have a you'll pet your goldfish. And if you're all all alone, DM me and we'll DM each other because I don't want you to be alone. Bet your cat. That didn't sound bad. I'm sorry. Go bet your cat. See you next week. Everything's giving me. I'm sorry.