Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast. Okay, well this is going to be a really fun wine down. Hi Catherine, did you end up listening to last week's I didn't. You didn't. I saw the preview and I'm nervous. Oh faking it? Yeah? I was like, I'm so glad Christens, they're not me. Have you ever faked it? Oh? Yeah, okay, I would see you not being the faking type. I mean I could see that too, but now I have he just stop. We talked about this last week. You're like, yeah, why are we repeating again? Oh? Man, Well, we wanted to do something a little different on today's podcast. It's going to be a Q and A but also to dive in and you know, things come up, if you know, you know, I love a good Devil's advocate if you want to, you know, jump in on those and just have a converse station about this is like the Seinfeld episode where you don't really have a topic. Okay, but it just kind of is a show, right is that? But yet there's going to be so much in there because you guys have a lot of questions and um, we may or may not answer all of them. So stay tuned and Mark of course is here and he's going to be the MC for the day. Thank you very much. There are a lot of questions about a specific topic that I'm wondering if we should ask those questions or not. I need your guidance on that. Mm hm the eyes. Can we just go to some other questions and then and then then, like you know, just getting warmed up first? Good policy? Alright, let's just start. We'll start in the relationship section. This is from Laura Head. Wellness, what did I just say that I want to start? It's like what's your favorite color? Mark? No one asked that one? But how about this one? How did you get your spark back after your divorce? How did I get my spark back after divorce? I think it's about how do I say this? Um? I think you have to go through the on the floor, bawl your eyes out moments to be able to find your spark. Does that makes sense? Like you have to go through the stages of all of the healing, because if not, like the spark when you do find the spark, isn't going to be a real spark that makes sense, It's going to be like a fake spark. Does that make sense to any of you guys. Maybe it's just a little stronger because you know what you went through, or because you went through it hard, or what do you mean. I don't know. I'm not following you. I'm trying to figure it out. So I think it's like if you don't, if you just brush every thing underneath the you know, the rug, I think you can like fake it in a way like I'm so happy and everything is amazing and great when it's like is that spark real? Got it? So it's just like fake, it's just not. Yeah. So it's like I think you have to go through all the stages of just like anger and denial and crying to find you through that. And then when you find yourself through that, You're like, you're going to start to feel more like yourself. And every day you start to feel a little bit more like yourself, and then a little bit more like yourself, and then you find the pieces of you they're new pieces, Like I I have definitely old pieces of me from when I was younger, but now I've got new pieces where I'm like, oh, I feel stronger, this is a new spark in me, and so then you start to feel better, and I think, um, I think that's through experience and going through all the like heaviness of it and like the tears of it in the and not just putting a band aid on. It makes sense. Yeah, there are no shortcuts. Yeah, and I want shortcuts. I love shortcuts. I'm a big fan of shortcuts. Like when I was doing my half marathon, I saw like a thing that could shortcut and I was like, God, I want to take that shortcut right now, because that would shave like, you know, point five miles. But I was just like, I can't do it, Like I can't do it, but I have done. I have short I have short cut. It is that the word I've I've taken a lot of shortcuts when it has come to my healing because I want to feel better. M So I have in the past for sure jumped into things or I have gone down roads because it in the moment makes me feel better. But long term it doesn't actually work. It's a fake spark until you actually get through it. Yeah, and then again, like you start to realize, you know, I think, I think I've got a pretty good spark right now. But sure, there's still moments. So it's like I think people just think like all of a sudden, you're just like better. It's like you're you're just you've got great days and you've got some days that kind of suck. Sure, and I think, you know, but getting the spark is just going through it and you know, believing that there's another side, because there is another side. Should I ask another question that's non specific or should I follow up to that question with something more specific? You're not writing between the lines? Oh okay, um, what's your current spark status. I'm I feel like I'm my spark status. I'm really happy with my spark. I think it's again like I just said, like, I think there's good days, and I think there's you know, days where it's like, what's a bummer. But I'm everything that I've gone through, I keep learning lessons and I'm and through that. It's like, you know, and I'm having fun. Like I'm going out with my girlfriends and we're going to get drinks and like I'm Stella's getting her groove back in a way, you know, like in just a way of like the things that I did, you know, with my therapist in the office, it's like, you know, and then like finally forgiving Mike and like all these things. It's like those pieces like let my spark shine and let my light go a little brighter? Is okay? I know, but this is a good question. I ask got to phrase it properly. Any relationships that have happened since you're divorce, were they part of the healing process of getting your spark back? Or are they kind of like starting over again in a new situation to grieve when they don't work out? Good? Okay, wait, thank you? Can you can you on that one? Can you change eye again? Yeah, you've seen You've seen some men since you're divorced. Of course, have those men been part of process of getting your spark back from your divorce or is each of those an individual relationship that also needs to be mourned? Kind of you kind of a setback towards getting your spark back? Got it? Good question. I think one of the first guys that I hung out with post divorce, I am fairly hung out with him because I was nowhere near ready, Like no, that was where I was putting a band aid on things because I felt better. I was being told that I was beautiful, and I was pretty and I was strong. Everything that I haven't heard for seven almost seven years, I was starting to hear it from someone else and it felt really nice. But if I was being honest with myself, I was not being honest in not at all, because I just I wasn't ready to be in a relationship, which is you know, when I was when the person wanted to be, I was just like, I don't want to be like I. I'm I don't know what I want. And then you know, so I think, um that one was and and I was reading people's comments like girl, just like be by yourself, and but it was just it felt nice again to have something that felt so different from my past. Um, but again it was don't you do agree? I think it was putting, oh, absolutely, like even you know what I think, and here's the thing I think. And when Pamela said this best she goes we almost needed him to get you out of the gutter, to know that you will be like like that, you will be um, which you know it sucks for that person that but the timing also, I'm like, you know that was but um, I think it was. Yeah, I just I couldn't I didn't want to come out because I just got out of something. It was so fresh. But I think it was nice to feel like it's like that that helped me kind of get up a little bit and go, Okay, maybe I won't be alone forever and maybe this maybe someone will like me again or think I'm pretty and um. But like through dating post divorce, I think where I have struggled is I have not been strong on boundaries that I know are important to me. Okay, I have more follow ups, but I'm gonna hold him for right now because this is the Instagram Q and A, this is not the Marquis And here we go, cam cam raw to forget after you have forgiven my husband cheated on me with his ex wife before we got married. I can forgive, But how do I forget my husband cheated on me with his ex wife before we got married. So they got divorced and then, Yeah, you know what's really interesting about that because I remember, um, John, you know who was he was here? I remember he like, there's that connection with that person like he had. I think he went back to Christine at one point in time after they got divorced. But it's like a I think you have that connection. I'm not saying that's right at all, Like please don't even like, please don't hear that at all, um, but that it had it almost something. Yeah. Yeah, it's like where it's like if you I don't know, I don't want to, I'm gonna sound like a total hippot. Someone's gonna stop what I'm saying right now. Um, you'll never forget, That's the thing unless you are in the Truman Show with this show or the Mission Impossible or not Mission impossible, but the Men in Black where they erase your memory. Men in Black, like Turnal Sunshine. That was that thank you, Turnal Sunshine. That when I was thinking that one of my favorites, Like, I don't think you for like, I'm never going to forget when um that my ex cheat, I forgive them, but I'll never forget. That's the thing. It's it's how what you do with that memory? So are you gonna let it affect you every single day? Like I know I can fault it with my last you know, my past relationship with my ex. I could not forget it, and I absolutely could not forgive in that moment. But when you so that those were two big things, but me not being able to forget it, I let it take over every single day when someone just wants to move on. So it's what you do with the information that you have and how you handle it with the information you have. M hmm right now, yeah, no, yeah, I mean I think it's part of your story. So I don't know how you forget it. Yeah, Um, you shouldn't forget it, yeah, because it's part of your story, but it's also part of their your story together. You can forgive it and you can move on, but it's always got to be filed away in there, unfortunately, and when it comes up, like one of the things to do is like, hey, this is coming up for me, and hope hopefully your husband will go will be empathetic and not say God, can you just forget about it already? Or can you just move on? Or can you just like what that person needs to do. Like, if they're a healthy person, they'll say, hey, I'm really sorry that's coming up for your announcer, anything that I can do around it to make you feel safe or comfortable. But for so many people that are in that position, of the ones that are cheated, they have so much like shame. They just want you to forget it and move on, and that's not how it works for people that have been affected by abuse of cheating. Yeah, well, especially if it's still going on. I mean that that's like a different like them wanting to forget about it. You know, they can't keep repeating the pattern. You can't just let's forget about it, but keep repeating the pattern. So hopefully in this instance it's something that they don't do again. You can start to move forward together again. But you're never going to forget it. I don't know how you would ever. No, it's just not letting it have the impact that it has had. Like you go to therapy, talk to your friends, like see his actions, see how if it comes up. I mean, I remember that one hotel that you know I had struggled going past, Like I'd be like, hey, like the memories of the like that hotel like, and then hopefully that person will be like, hey, I'm so sorry that sucks, you know, and empathize with you and not make you feel crazy for thinking it. I'm gonna move on from the relationship questions for a moment. We can return to those. We'll put a pin in those pin put a pin named the movie Bolt Bold Bolt. It's such a good movie. The agent was like, let's put a pin in it. The entire movie was about putting a pin in it. I loved it. Well, only a mom would come up with both as a reference. So let's go to the parenting section of the Instagram Q and I, Bonnie M and then a whole bunch of numbers. What is your greatest hope or dreams for you and your kids in the future. I just want them to be happy and look back on their childhood and yeah, just have really good memories. I look back on my childhood and I think sometimes like, oh, yeah, that was a fun memory. But that's when mom and dad like we're fighting, and that's when my parents got divorced, or that's when. And it was always kind of like shadowed by a negative experience. And I just want them to look look back and go, oh, that was a great memory with mom when we went here and we went up north and um yeah, and I think just that there. I just want them to be happy, and I want them to be healthy, and I just want to I want to soak up every minute that I have with them. Because you know that meme that always goes around. You've only got kids for four years, just like you know, little kids for and then they grow up and then you know they're not going to want to play with me anymore. And you know, Jace wants me to sing, you know, he's like sometimes it's two songs, but he like five songs. And in the moment, I'm like, I'm so tired, I just want to go to the bed, and then I have to remember that's like all right, buddy, let's do five songs, you know, because it's like he's not gonna want me to lay in bed and sing him five songs, like that's yeah, So that's what I would. What do you want? Well, the same, I mean, and that's kind of the cliche answer. But doesn't every mom want their kids to be happy and healthy? You know? But that's a good one, because that's hard. It's like the books when you have to read the books and you skip through, you know, but now it's like, you know, that one not gonna lie like I had I skipped a whole chunk the other night. But I'm when they don't know, it's just so easy, like they'll never know what but yeah, I mean, now I'm at a point where, like my kids put themselves to bed, which I mean, it's weird. It's kind of nice, but it's kind of sad at the same time. It's kind of bitter. Sweet Ramsey puts herself to bed sometimes. I mean, like her and Immy basically sleep together most of the time, and so they just go to bed together. But I mean, if I'm home, I definitely go up there and late with her for a little bit. But and she just kind of reads on her own. And what about what about your your kids? Your girls? Well, it's funny. I fight that. I fight that they're teenager as well. One is sixteen and one is going to be thirteen on Tuesday. So the teenagers. At this point, I fight the going in bed by yourself. I instaid, no, no, no, I'm coming. I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come sick and night, I'm gonna come and give you kiss. Even though they're firing going to bed by themselves, I am not fine with that. Yeah, it's the same stuff. I love that. I like the happy memories thing because a couple of years ago I realized that I need to start I need to start focusing on my legacy because now that they're entering high school and that one's a sophomore, I thought I got to really be um aggressively making happy, positive memories because I feel like this is the time they remember the most, is that there's the four or five years before they leave the nest. They're really going to remember that time. So I really just wanted to be all positive all the time, and that's what I'm really trying to focus on. Well, and I'll say to like when I was thirteen, I didn't I want my dad, but I need my I needed my dad, So like if they're pushing you away, don't don't let them, like keep keep going and keep grinding, grinding that relationship because that is to me is like I look back, I'm like, that's the pivotal like all where all my daddy issues came from and at that time, and like that's like such a an age of like feeling loved And yeah, it's such a good point because I haven't really thought about that. But it's like when I go back to therapy, anytime she asked me, I'm like, I only remember those years, Like I don't remember when I was five I don't remember. I mean there's little pieces, but everything I go back to was those years. So that's a really good point and it actually kind of makes you feel a little bit better, like if I've already missed him up, I've got time. Yeah. And that was my feeling is because I've talked about this before on here, that I regret how I reacted to her anxiety when I was when she was young because I was completely liquipped to deal with something like that. I've never experienced it before, and so I don't like how I reacted to that when she was younger, and I'm all is going to regret that. But now when she's feeling anxiety, I feel like it's my opportunity to make amends, to do better, and so I when she gets into that state now I'm like, okay, great, now is my chance to be a good dad like I wasn't when she was younger. And so it's not that you weren't. I don't say you weren't a great dad. You just didn't know how to handle those situations. You were still a great dad. Also, I just feel like I was selfish. I was my ego would get in the way and I just I was thinking about myself and not what she needed in that moment. I mean, how great for you to acknowledge that though, and to be able to That's amazing because that shows her something too. Yeah, what did she say when her she gets uncomfortable? She's like, Dad, it's fine, Dad, it's really don't worry about it. It's okay, everything's fine. But she'll remember that, I hope so she and she also knows that I'm always going to be there for her now, especially because of that. Yes, anyway, this is a perfect transition into this question from cape Rolt, who says, how do you handle mom guilt? I work full time and yesterday I missed my eight year old swim lessons. I mean, I said this on the show a few weeks ago. But wherever I get my mom guilt from other moms and that's really sad. Where I feel judged from other moms and that bums me out. And that's where I like, um my girl, Jessie Decker. She was on her Instagram story like crying about, you know, trying to be a working mom and raise your kids and instead of you know, saying you know, I'm sure she got some negative comments like well you shouldn't you know, be working so much and said it's like, hey, you're doing a great job supporting your kids, and like just like because everyone has that mom guilt and like you just want other moms around you and other people to go you're doing a great job and you're working so hard, and they're going to see that, like I was. I played a song with her at the rhyman Um last week and you know, seeing her three kids up on stage, like they're seeing what a badass mom she is, you know, and it kind of it started to make me think about my kids and it's like, yeah, I don't like to go away and be filming and working and stuff, but I also think they're seeing that I'm I. One day they will see how hard I worked for them and the balance that I made to make sure we still had awesome memories. I was still with them, and yeah, I ended up turning something down that was going to be I would be gone for about two and a half weeks, but sometimes you have to make the choice, and it's it's tough, and some people, you know, would would have taken the two and a half weeks, but for me, I also know that, like I I don't. Again, they're so young right now. Maybe I can do that later when they're older, but it's hard. It sucks. But trying to think of the positive on it, that's where I'm trying to go, Like I feel like I've been so not negative, but I want to just lean into more like positive and go, Okay, what's what's the positive of me working well? I'm supporting my kids and my mom. My kids are seeing that, like they you know, if you work hard and all those things, and I don't know. Yeah, And I think it's I think about this a lot because I have, you know, with three kids with a lot of activities. I always tried to be at everything. I have always tried, and really just now this year, I've realized, like it's not physically possible, you know, working and three kids three different places, Like sometimes they happen at the same time, sometimes the dad, my dad, my husband, their dad has to be there, or sometimes my parents or sometimes a babysitter. But I think you just have to you just have to realize, like missing a swim lesson, it's not like they're going to go back and remember that you missed a swim lesson. They're going to remember that you were there for the other fifteen swim lessons. You know. It's just I think we put so much pressure on ourselves work or not working. I mean, even if you're home and you have a lot of kids, you can't physically do everything, you know, So I think it's just taking that pressure and knowing that they are seeing you again if you are working, working hard, but doing your best and being there when you can. Yeah, Like my mom never, and I was thinking about this, I was like, she's never. I don't. I don't think she Maybe she went to one figure skating competition, but the reason she didn't was because she was a single mom and she had to work. So I had my coach drive me to every single thing that I had, and looking back, like, I didn't judge it for it. I just knew that, all right, mom has to work, and now I know, like, yes, I have to work, and my kids are going to see that. I'm still you know, I'm I'm doing the best, but I can. Oh. The other day though, I did get on Joli because she was like, this is the worst day ever. And I was like, you are so lucky to have everything that you have and like that that whole Like, I'm like, you don't even understand you have a roof over your head you have I'm like, do not say this is so you know what the worst day looks like. So I pulled it up on Google. I was like, that is what a worst day looks like. That little girl doesn't have a house, but her mom's trying the best you can, you know, like it was just so hard. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah yeah. Uh let her note. This is from Kimmie eleven thirty. This is just a quickie. What happened with the tooth fairy and Julie waking up? Oh that was so funny. I just picture you with the piggy bag was okay, so my daughter she had a loose tooth. I'm not the one that pulls the teeth. Mike is the one that pulls the teeth. I'm like, hey's coming in with a you know, a wiggler, like get it out before she comes back to my house, Like I can't. I can't handle the blood, the pulling, Like I can't do it. So she comes in and she's like mommy, look and it's like bending over and I'm like, oh, it's ready. I couldn't grab onto it. Catherine tried, she couldn't grab onto it. I don't do it either, though. I don't pull my kids, but yet you tried to try my daughter, and I can do it. Um. And so, long story short, I was doing an Instagram live because my one brick team was in town and the babysitter. She had the babysitter pull it and she's like, Mommy, look, Emma pulled it. And I was just like, oh my god, Emma, how did you that. She's like, we just kind of have to like Twitter. She's senior in high school, and she's like trying to describe like she's like twisting her tooth off, and I was like okay, and then I was like and then I put her to bed. She put the tooth underneath there, and then I was like, oh, I don't have any cash. So then I'm like what do I do? So I'm like, who carries cash? I'm like, I can't remember the last time I've had cash, So I mean, I'm I'm freaking out. Pam comes over my other neighbor, Molly. I was like, hey, you guys had to cash and they're like no, They're like looking. I was like, I remember supposed to the tooth thory. I almost texted my next door neighbor because you know, she's just a little bit older, and so I was like, well, she's got to have cash, like older people probably keep cash. So like, I mean, she's like my grandma's age, you know what I mean, Like they've got cash. So I'm like, but I'm like, it was at that point nine o'clock because I'm like, I'm not gonna wake her up. And then I went into Sarah's room. I did end up waking her up. I was like, Dad, do you have any cash? Like I couldn't find her purse on the things. I was going to go through her purse and just like grab cash. So then i go up to Julia's room and I'm just like pacing. I'm like, what am I gonna do? So I start shaking her piggy bank because it's glass, so there's nothing that's like, there's nothing to twist off. So I'm looking at it and I'm trying to like I get I go grab Tweezers to try to get Tweezers to go inside the sliver where the money comes through. And I'm like this is a really low moment in my parenting right now. I'm like, I'm trying to steal my daughter's money to put money underneath your pillow. And then I thought about breaking the SID looked at him like, I think I don't have to break it. I remember put some money out and then explain what happened. Um. And then I went down and I was like, wait, maybe I've got some like change or something. And I've got, you know, a couple of purses, so I was I was going through them, and then I found three dollars in the one of my little lip things, and so I ended up finding it. But then when I put it in there, she stood up. That's like my worst and I was like, and I just like it's gently like pushed her back down. That was like refleation, didn't run like hopefully she wouldn't won't remember in the morning, And luckily everyone was like, just tell her you were checking to see if the tooth fairy came. But she didn't ask. She'd woke up and she was Mommy, the tooth fairy came. And I was like, oh did she That's great, honey, Oh my gosh. First of all, that's how our tooth fairy got so rich because I only had like a twenty dollar bill, And I was like, this is really setting a precedent. Then that's all I have to do that exactly. So I think what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna go to the bank and just get some money out for my tooth fairy fund. So you know, as the kids get older, they start having cash because people give them cash for like birthdays and Chris this, Oh yeah, we got three wallets and our things. So I just steal from them and then put it back if I have to. All the time, we just tell our kids that the tooth pay sent five dollars to your college fund via zel. That's brilliant, Now we don't. I mean, that's actually a really good idea. I know. I was like, hid star, isn't then for you? Baby girl likes and give you then more money? All right, let me rapid fire you these lifestyle questions because they're quicks and then we have a few more relationship questions we should probably get to quickly. Is there a new book coming, asks Bree. Maybe Taylor's Thoughts says, what is your favorite concert you've ever been to? In your whole life. I know this is rapid, but this is hard Garth Brooks or James Taylor. I need more specifics, like Garth Brooks at Ryman and Garth Brooks at Bridgestone when there was the flood in Nashville, and then James Taylor pretty much like a year after that. Okay. The same person says any plans for touring or put on a new album, I don't think I'll ever do another album just because it's so expensive. Um, I'll release songs for sure. I feel like that's the way to go these days, isn't it. I mean it sucks because like albums are so great, but at the same time, yeah, it's just especially for an independent artist. I just it's way too expensive. And yeah, h okay, And did you decide to the dog, says sports old sport old wife, Yes, I did. I'm so excited. So Tanya sent me her breeder, Tanya rad and I'm going to get a cavapoo. Oh man, Sonny is pretty adorable. I am so excited. Yeah. So I've put the deposit in and it'll be um. I think in like the late summer, early fall. Uh, let's take a break and then we have some more relationships. I am feeling nauseous. Okay, bye, all right, so you know what I'm going to ask. I think you've seen some of these uh and do I have your permission to ask the question from Ashpole? Um? I have actually not looked at the breakdown for today because I knew it was a Q and A and I just kind of wanted to avoid it. All right, Well here we go. Okay, cam Aura says, how did you overcome your breakup with Ian? You seem happy and radiant. Um. Yeah, So obviously we've gotten a lot of these questions like what happened? Are you? What's like? Where is love? You know? And I truthfully didn't want to say anything because I'll let you go. Why did we discuss that we weren't gonna say anything. Why did we discussed Well, first of all, you're gonna have relationships, and you're gonna have breakups, you're dating, you're divorced. Um. But I think that there's lessons from every relationship, and I think that that's the important thing to focus on. Yeah, and I and it's you know, and I don't want to be like the last thing that I want is to when I say something, it's it's um like the victim or that mentality and I just have gotten so I just want to move on from And I understand that I am very public and I say a lot of things and I talk about my relationships, but there's a piece where sometimes maybe I just don't want to share because I'm still going through it. And I think that's okay too, because there were and have been a lot of lessons post divorce. UM. And I know now that when I get into a relationship, if I see similar patterns or behaviors that are similar to my ex like lying or saying something in acting a different way, I have to have very strong boundaries to say that's not okay and I'm out UM. And I think that's really hard for me to do because I always want to believe people's intentions and their words. But I also know, like I'm not going to be able to, most likely right now, in this state where I'm at, have a a relationship with someone that has have had similar patterns to my X yeah or triggers something that is in that because that is going to bring out a piece of me because I am still doing my work, and yes I am I believe that I'm healed from my X, but I still have triggers from that past that is not going to bring out the best version of myself in a relationship when a pattern is noticed and I have to go, Okay, that's not healthy for me and I can't stay in something like that. But I have a really hard time sticking with my boundaries. I really do, because I just want to I want love so bad, almost to my detriment. M Like I want to be loved because I have so much love to give. I just want the same love in return, knowing what I deserve. And it's very hard when you realize if there's things you don't want to tell your friends, that's probably a red flag, definitely. And that's something that I've realized I just in in in a relationships post divorce, that I have to just be really clear on boundaries of what I'm looking for and what is going to be the healthiest thing, and and stand by it and not just go, well, it's just because of this, or make excuses. It's like I've done that for seven years. I'm done making excuses for other people. I think you so badly. Don't judge other people and don't want to that when someone shows you something or does something, well, I've lied before, or well i've done this before. Well I've like I can't judge them. I can't. So it's really hard for you when it's kind of smacking you in the face for you to truly see it and truly go, this is not good for me. I love myself and I'm I need to get out. Yeah, this is and this just isn't the last you know, It's just it's it's every relationship that I've kind of been in where it's like I just I do that s Yeah, well I've lied before, and so how can I How can I judge someone for that? Or how can I'm like, oh, yeah I have. I did cheat in a relationship when I was not in my marriage, but yes I did cheat at one point, and like, how can I, Well, I think it's okay to not judge someone for their past, but say that this doesn't work for me. Yeah, I can't be in a relationship where I can't. You know where similar patterns are, and again, this isn't a lot of relationships for you, but recognizing those similar patterns and being strong enough to walk away when you recognize them. Yeah, I think that's really important. Yeah, I agree, And I think you always say people show you who they are, believe them. And I just for like, I know now, like when if I have a list to some you know, if I'm working with a you know, my therapist or whoever, it's like, Okay, what are things that are really important to me? Someone that doesn't lie. Because where I'm at in my life now, I can own my past. As ugly as some of the things I've done. I will sit there in front of you and say some really awful things I've done, and it it feels terrible to share, like awful, but I can own it because I've you know, I've I've you know, I've I've grown through it and I realized, like who I am now. So it's like all I want that same level of someone who is has has done the work to be able to look and be like, yeah, this is what I've done and it's really bad, but like this is who I am now and like what I'm doing and stuff like that. That's interesting. So but if you've met a guy and in the first couple of days he mentioned that he cheated on his extual wife, and that's why it fell apart. But I'm a much better person now. I think you'd have a hard time looking past that, and I would understand why. And and that's something where I was talking to one of my good girlfriends, Briann, who I've had on here. She's a you know, she's a sexually sex and love addict, and you know, she was She's like where you're at now. She's like, she's like, I don't think that would be a healthy relationship for you because of you're always going to wonder, well is he is he going back into that? And you're right? And that's something where if someone did say that, but it's terrible because I'm like, I do believe people can change. That's that's where I go, Like, that's where I go. I I really truly believe people can change and people can, you know, be better versions of themselves. And so it's like, who am I to cast judgment on someone from because I've done stuff too, So it's like who am I to judge? It's it's just for me, Like, yes, it would be hard, but them acknowledging it and being honest is something that would be like a like a beautiful thing, and I would have a lot less like triggers around it if they were open and honest about it. But I mean, sure, it's not like I mean, I would love to find someone that doesn't, you know, and I think so lying and she pat like that's yeah, that's hard, and I think, um, just again, someone that's just wanting to like I had to, I had to have to just very clear boundaries of what I want and um and stick by them. And also there's a lot of men in the world to believe in monogamy and faithfulness. Is there I promise there are there are two on this zoom right now. I promise. I think I'm just And this is where like I think I've become just jaded to you know, past relationships and stuff like that, where I just I'm like, like, but I also know what I deserve. It's just again I go to that place like, well, I believe people deserve to have chances and love, you know, like I just I do. I believe in it, like I believe that people deserve second chances. Well, I have a perfect question to end with is from Danielle Morrell who just says, how are you feeling? I'm good I am. I'm good. I'm I'm getting very clear about things that I want in my life, who I want in my life, how I want it in my life. And it's really really nice and I feel like, you know, my therapist, it's so funny. She said something to me, Um last week when I had a session with her. She goes, do you remember when I asked you? She's like, it was about a month ago. She's like, you just looked and I and I wasn't sharing some certain things with her too again because I just I don't want to. Yeah, Um, And so she was like she's like you just kind of real like yeah, no, no, I'm good, Like I'm good. And she's like she's like, you're back, like you you've kind of like come back and you're back in you as opposed to just like holding onto things that might have not been serving you very well. You s spark all lessons. Yeah, it's all lessons. But I will I will, I you know, I'm gonna definitely just focus on the kiddos and and just um write a list of clear boundaries even when there's ever a next don't worry. I won't go into the whole like I'll never be like I'm gonna be a litle forever, but I will say like, it's about loving myself right now, and that's that's the biggest piece. Great. I think I think enough that someone else will be along in short order. Not even on the radar right now, not even on the radar a couple of weeks. No no, no, no, no no no, no no no, it's not not on my radar. I promised my therapist a time in that I'm not telling anyone. Oh, you're not telling anyone, not even I've got to count down on my phone. Oh man, Well that was fun. Um yeah, that was fun, so fun. I love you guys. Thanks Mark, great job, my pleasure. Thank you. You're the sweetest. Um see you guys next week. We're going to have a really cool guest on next week's show. We're going to go talk about I believe food and wellness and stuff like that. So I'm looking forward to that conversation. Okay. By

Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast. Okay, well this is going to be a really fun wine down. Hi Catherine, did you end up listening to last week's I didn't. You didn't. I saw the preview and I'm nervous. Oh faking it? Yeah? I was like, I'm so glad Christens, they're not me. Have you ever faked it? Oh? Yeah, okay, I would see you not being the faking type. I mean I could see that too, but now I have he just stop. We talked about this last week. You're like, yeah, why are we repeating again? Oh? Man, Well, we wanted to do something a little different on today's podcast. It's going to be a Q and A but also to dive in and you know, things come up, if you know, you know, I love a good Devil's advocate if you want to, you know, jump in on those and just have a converse station about this is like the Seinfeld episode where you don't really have a topic. Okay, but it just kind of is a show, right is that? But yet there's going to be so much in there because you guys have a lot of questions and um, we may or may not answer all of them. So stay tuned and Mark of course is here and he's going to be the MC for the day. Thank you very much. There are a lot of questions about a specific topic that I'm wondering if we should ask those questions or not. I need your guidance on that. Mm hm the eyes. Can we just go to some other questions and then and then then, like you know, just getting warmed up first? Good policy? Alright, let's just start. We'll start in the relationship section. This is from Laura Head. Wellness, what did I just say that I want to start? It's like what's your favorite color? Mark? No one asked that one? But how about this one? How did you get your spark back after your divorce? How did I get my spark back after divorce? I think it's about how do I say this? Um? I think you have to go through the on the floor, bawl your eyes out moments to be able to find your spark. Does that makes sense? Like you have to go through the stages of all of the healing, because if not, like the spark when you do find the spark, isn't going to be a real spark that makes sense, It's going to be like a fake spark. Does that make sense to any of you guys. Maybe it's just a little stronger because you know what you went through, or because you went through it hard, or what do you mean. I don't know. I'm not following you. I'm trying to figure it out. So I think it's like if you don't, if you just brush every thing underneath the you know, the rug, I think you can like fake it in a way like I'm so happy and everything is amazing and great when it's like is that spark real? Got it? So it's just like fake, it's just not. Yeah. So it's like I think you have to go through all the stages of just like anger and denial and crying to find you through that. And then when you find yourself through that, You're like, you're going to start to feel more like yourself. And every day you start to feel a little bit more like yourself, and then a little bit more like yourself, and then you find the pieces of you they're new pieces, Like I I have definitely old pieces of me from when I was younger, but now I've got new pieces where I'm like, oh, I feel stronger, this is a new spark in me, and so then you start to feel better, and I think, um, I think that's through experience and going through all the like heaviness of it and like the tears of it in the and not just putting a band aid on. It makes sense. Yeah, there are no shortcuts. Yeah, and I want shortcuts. I love shortcuts. I'm a big fan of shortcuts. Like when I was doing my half marathon, I saw like a thing that could shortcut and I was like, God, I want to take that shortcut right now, because that would shave like, you know, point five miles. But I was just like, I can't do it, Like I can't do it, but I have done. I have short I have short cut. It is that the word I've I've taken a lot of shortcuts when it has come to my healing because I want to feel better. M So I have in the past for sure jumped into things or I have gone down roads because it in the moment makes me feel better. But long term it doesn't actually work. It's a fake spark until you actually get through it. Yeah, and then again, like you start to realize, you know, I think, I think I've got a pretty good spark right now. But sure, there's still moments. So it's like I think people just think like all of a sudden, you're just like better. It's like you're you're just you've got great days and you've got some days that kind of suck. Sure, and I think, you know, but getting the spark is just going through it and you know, believing that there's another side, because there is another side. Should I ask another question that's non specific or should I follow up to that question with something more specific? You're not writing between the lines? Oh okay, um, what's your current spark status. I'm I feel like I'm my spark status. I'm really happy with my spark. I think it's again like I just said, like, I think there's good days, and I think there's you know, days where it's like, what's a bummer. But I'm everything that I've gone through, I keep learning lessons and I'm and through that. It's like, you know, and I'm having fun. Like I'm going out with my girlfriends and we're going to get drinks and like I'm Stella's getting her groove back in a way, you know, like in just a way of like the things that I did, you know, with my therapist in the office, it's like, you know, and then like finally forgiving Mike and like all these things. It's like those pieces like let my spark shine and let my light go a little brighter? Is okay? I know, but this is a good question. I ask got to phrase it properly. Any relationships that have happened since you're divorce, were they part of the healing process of getting your spark back? Or are they kind of like starting over again in a new situation to grieve when they don't work out? Good? Okay, wait, thank you? Can you can you on that one? Can you change eye again? Yeah, you've seen You've seen some men since you're divorced. Of course, have those men been part of process of getting your spark back from your divorce or is each of those an individual relationship that also needs to be mourned? Kind of you kind of a setback towards getting your spark back? Got it? Good question. I think one of the first guys that I hung out with post divorce, I am fairly hung out with him because I was nowhere near ready, Like no, that was where I was putting a band aid on things because I felt better. I was being told that I was beautiful, and I was pretty and I was strong. Everything that I haven't heard for seven almost seven years, I was starting to hear it from someone else and it felt really nice. But if I was being honest with myself, I was not being honest in not at all, because I just I wasn't ready to be in a relationship, which is you know, when I was when the person wanted to be, I was just like, I don't want to be like I. I'm I don't know what I want. And then you know, so I think, um that one was and and I was reading people's comments like girl, just like be by yourself, and but it was just it felt nice again to have something that felt so different from my past. Um, but again it was don't you do agree? I think it was putting, oh, absolutely, like even you know what I think, and here's the thing I think. And when Pamela said this best she goes we almost needed him to get you out of the gutter, to know that you will be like like that, you will be um, which you know it sucks for that person that but the timing also, I'm like, you know that was but um, I think it was. Yeah, I just I couldn't I didn't want to come out because I just got out of something. It was so fresh. But I think it was nice to feel like it's like that that helped me kind of get up a little bit and go, Okay, maybe I won't be alone forever and maybe this maybe someone will like me again or think I'm pretty and um. But like through dating post divorce, I think where I have struggled is I have not been strong on boundaries that I know are important to me. Okay, I have more follow ups, but I'm gonna hold him for right now because this is the Instagram Q and A, this is not the Marquis And here we go, cam cam raw to forget after you have forgiven my husband cheated on me with his ex wife before we got married. I can forgive, But how do I forget my husband cheated on me with his ex wife before we got married. So they got divorced and then, Yeah, you know what's really interesting about that because I remember, um, John, you know who was he was here? I remember he like, there's that connection with that person like he had. I think he went back to Christine at one point in time after they got divorced. But it's like a I think you have that connection. I'm not saying that's right at all, Like please don't even like, please don't hear that at all, um, but that it had it almost something. Yeah. Yeah, it's like where it's like if you I don't know, I don't want to, I'm gonna sound like a total hippot. Someone's gonna stop what I'm saying right now. Um, you'll never forget, That's the thing unless you are in the Truman Show with this show or the Mission Impossible or not Mission impossible, but the Men in Black where they erase your memory. Men in Black, like Turnal Sunshine. That was that thank you, Turnal Sunshine. That when I was thinking that one of my favorites, Like, I don't think you for like, I'm never going to forget when um that my ex cheat, I forgive them, but I'll never forget. That's the thing. It's it's how what you do with that memory? So are you gonna let it affect you every single day? Like I know I can fault it with my last you know, my past relationship with my ex. I could not forget it, and I absolutely could not forgive in that moment. But when you so that those were two big things, but me not being able to forget it, I let it take over every single day when someone just wants to move on. So it's what you do with the information that you have and how you handle it with the information you have. M hmm right now, yeah, no, yeah, I mean I think it's part of your story. So I don't know how you forget it. Yeah, Um, you shouldn't forget it, yeah, because it's part of your story, but it's also part of their your story together. You can forgive it and you can move on, but it's always got to be filed away in there, unfortunately, and when it comes up, like one of the things to do is like, hey, this is coming up for me, and hope hopefully your husband will go will be empathetic and not say God, can you just forget about it already? Or can you just move on? Or can you just like what that person needs to do. Like, if they're a healthy person, they'll say, hey, I'm really sorry that's coming up for your announcer, anything that I can do around it to make you feel safe or comfortable. But for so many people that are in that position, of the ones that are cheated, they have so much like shame. They just want you to forget it and move on, and that's not how it works for people that have been affected by abuse of cheating. Yeah, well, especially if it's still going on. I mean that that's like a different like them wanting to forget about it. You know, they can't keep repeating the pattern. You can't just let's forget about it, but keep repeating the pattern. So hopefully in this instance it's something that they don't do again. You can start to move forward together again. But you're never going to forget it. I don't know how you would ever. No, it's just not letting it have the impact that it has had. Like you go to therapy, talk to your friends, like see his actions, see how if it comes up. I mean, I remember that one hotel that you know I had struggled going past, Like I'd be like, hey, like the memories of the like that hotel like, and then hopefully that person will be like, hey, I'm so sorry that sucks, you know, and empathize with you and not make you feel crazy for thinking it. I'm gonna move on from the relationship questions for a moment. We can return to those. We'll put a pin in those pin put a pin named the movie Bolt Bold Bolt. It's such a good movie. The agent was like, let's put a pin in it. The entire movie was about putting a pin in it. I loved it. Well, only a mom would come up with both as a reference. So let's go to the parenting section of the Instagram Q and I, Bonnie M and then a whole bunch of numbers. What is your greatest hope or dreams for you and your kids in the future. I just want them to be happy and look back on their childhood and yeah, just have really good memories. I look back on my childhood and I think sometimes like, oh, yeah, that was a fun memory. But that's when mom and dad like we're fighting, and that's when my parents got divorced, or that's when. And it was always kind of like shadowed by a negative experience. And I just want them to look look back and go, oh, that was a great memory with mom when we went here and we went up north and um yeah, and I think just that there. I just want them to be happy, and I want them to be healthy, and I just want to I want to soak up every minute that I have with them. Because you know that meme that always goes around. You've only got kids for four years, just like you know, little kids for and then they grow up and then you know they're not going to want to play with me anymore. And you know, Jace wants me to sing, you know, he's like sometimes it's two songs, but he like five songs. And in the moment, I'm like, I'm so tired, I just want to go to the bed, and then I have to remember that's like all right, buddy, let's do five songs, you know, because it's like he's not gonna want me to lay in bed and sing him five songs, like that's yeah, So that's what I would. What do you want? Well, the same, I mean, and that's kind of the cliche answer. But doesn't every mom want their kids to be happy and healthy? You know? But that's a good one, because that's hard. It's like the books when you have to read the books and you skip through, you know, but now it's like, you know, that one not gonna lie like I had I skipped a whole chunk the other night. But I'm when they don't know, it's just so easy, like they'll never know what but yeah, I mean, now I'm at a point where, like my kids put themselves to bed, which I mean, it's weird. It's kind of nice, but it's kind of sad at the same time. It's kind of bitter. Sweet Ramsey puts herself to bed sometimes. I mean, like her and Immy basically sleep together most of the time, and so they just go to bed together. But I mean, if I'm home, I definitely go up there and late with her for a little bit. But and she just kind of reads on her own. And what about what about your your kids? Your girls? Well, it's funny. I fight that. I fight that they're teenager as well. One is sixteen and one is going to be thirteen on Tuesday. So the teenagers. At this point, I fight the going in bed by yourself. I instaid, no, no, no, I'm coming. I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come sick and night, I'm gonna come and give you kiss. Even though they're firing going to bed by themselves, I am not fine with that. Yeah, it's the same stuff. I love that. I like the happy memories thing because a couple of years ago I realized that I need to start I need to start focusing on my legacy because now that they're entering high school and that one's a sophomore, I thought I got to really be um aggressively making happy, positive memories because I feel like this is the time they remember the most, is that there's the four or five years before they leave the nest. They're really going to remember that time. So I really just wanted to be all positive all the time, and that's what I'm really trying to focus on. Well, and I'll say to like when I was thirteen, I didn't I want my dad, but I need my I needed my dad, So like if they're pushing you away, don't don't let them, like keep keep going and keep grinding, grinding that relationship because that is to me is like I look back, I'm like, that's the pivotal like all where all my daddy issues came from and at that time, and like that's like such a an age of like feeling loved And yeah, it's such a good point because I haven't really thought about that. But it's like when I go back to therapy, anytime she asked me, I'm like, I only remember those years, Like I don't remember when I was five I don't remember. I mean there's little pieces, but everything I go back to was those years. So that's a really good point and it actually kind of makes you feel a little bit better, like if I've already missed him up, I've got time. Yeah. And that was my feeling is because I've talked about this before on here, that I regret how I reacted to her anxiety when I was when she was young because I was completely liquipped to deal with something like that. I've never experienced it before, and so I don't like how I reacted to that when she was younger, and I'm all is going to regret that. But now when she's feeling anxiety, I feel like it's my opportunity to make amends, to do better, and so I when she gets into that state now I'm like, okay, great, now is my chance to be a good dad like I wasn't when she was younger. And so it's not that you weren't. I don't say you weren't a great dad. You just didn't know how to handle those situations. You were still a great dad. Also, I just feel like I was selfish. I was my ego would get in the way and I just I was thinking about myself and not what she needed in that moment. I mean, how great for you to acknowledge that though, and to be able to That's amazing because that shows her something too. Yeah, what did she say when her she gets uncomfortable? She's like, Dad, it's fine, Dad, it's really don't worry about it. It's okay, everything's fine. But she'll remember that, I hope so she and she also knows that I'm always going to be there for her now, especially because of that. Yes, anyway, this is a perfect transition into this question from cape Rolt, who says, how do you handle mom guilt? I work full time and yesterday I missed my eight year old swim lessons. I mean, I said this on the show a few weeks ago. But wherever I get my mom guilt from other moms and that's really sad. Where I feel judged from other moms and that bums me out. And that's where I like, um my girl, Jessie Decker. She was on her Instagram story like crying about, you know, trying to be a working mom and raise your kids and instead of you know, saying you know, I'm sure she got some negative comments like well you shouldn't you know, be working so much and said it's like, hey, you're doing a great job supporting your kids, and like just like because everyone has that mom guilt and like you just want other moms around you and other people to go you're doing a great job and you're working so hard, and they're going to see that, like I was. I played a song with her at the rhyman Um last week and you know, seeing her three kids up on stage, like they're seeing what a badass mom she is, you know, and it kind of it started to make me think about my kids and it's like, yeah, I don't like to go away and be filming and working and stuff, but I also think they're seeing that I'm I. One day they will see how hard I worked for them and the balance that I made to make sure we still had awesome memories. I was still with them, and yeah, I ended up turning something down that was going to be I would be gone for about two and a half weeks, but sometimes you have to make the choice, and it's it's tough, and some people, you know, would would have taken the two and a half weeks, but for me, I also know that, like I I don't. Again, they're so young right now. Maybe I can do that later when they're older, but it's hard. It sucks. But trying to think of the positive on it, that's where I'm trying to go, Like I feel like I've been so not negative, but I want to just lean into more like positive and go, Okay, what's what's the positive of me working well? I'm supporting my kids and my mom. My kids are seeing that, like they you know, if you work hard and all those things, and I don't know. Yeah, And I think it's I think about this a lot because I have, you know, with three kids with a lot of activities. I always tried to be at everything. I have always tried, and really just now this year, I've realized, like it's not physically possible, you know, working and three kids three different places, Like sometimes they happen at the same time, sometimes the dad, my dad, my husband, their dad has to be there, or sometimes my parents or sometimes a babysitter. But I think you just have to you just have to realize, like missing a swim lesson, it's not like they're going to go back and remember that you missed a swim lesson. They're going to remember that you were there for the other fifteen swim lessons. You know. It's just I think we put so much pressure on ourselves work or not working. I mean, even if you're home and you have a lot of kids, you can't physically do everything, you know, So I think it's just taking that pressure and knowing that they are seeing you again if you are working, working hard, but doing your best and being there when you can. Yeah, Like my mom never, and I was thinking about this, I was like, she's never. I don't. I don't think she Maybe she went to one figure skating competition, but the reason she didn't was because she was a single mom and she had to work. So I had my coach drive me to every single thing that I had, and looking back, like, I didn't judge it for it. I just knew that, all right, mom has to work, and now I know, like, yes, I have to work, and my kids are going to see that. I'm still you know, I'm I'm doing the best, but I can. Oh. The other day though, I did get on Joli because she was like, this is the worst day ever. And I was like, you are so lucky to have everything that you have and like that that whole Like, I'm like, you don't even understand you have a roof over your head you have I'm like, do not say this is so you know what the worst day looks like. So I pulled it up on Google. I was like, that is what a worst day looks like. That little girl doesn't have a house, but her mom's trying the best you can, you know, like it was just so hard. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah yeah. Uh let her note. This is from Kimmie eleven thirty. This is just a quickie. What happened with the tooth fairy and Julie waking up? Oh that was so funny. I just picture you with the piggy bag was okay, so my daughter she had a loose tooth. I'm not the one that pulls the teeth. Mike is the one that pulls the teeth. I'm like, hey's coming in with a you know, a wiggler, like get it out before she comes back to my house, Like I can't. I can't handle the blood, the pulling, Like I can't do it. So she comes in and she's like mommy, look and it's like bending over and I'm like, oh, it's ready. I couldn't grab onto it. Catherine tried, she couldn't grab onto it. I don't do it either, though. I don't pull my kids, but yet you tried to try my daughter, and I can do it. Um. And so, long story short, I was doing an Instagram live because my one brick team was in town and the babysitter. She had the babysitter pull it and she's like, Mommy, look, Emma pulled it. And I was just like, oh my god, Emma, how did you that. She's like, we just kind of have to like Twitter. She's senior in high school, and she's like trying to describe like she's like twisting her tooth off, and I was like okay, and then I was like and then I put her to bed. She put the tooth underneath there, and then I was like, oh, I don't have any cash. So then I'm like what do I do? So I'm like, who carries cash? I'm like, I can't remember the last time I've had cash, So I mean, I'm I'm freaking out. Pam comes over my other neighbor, Molly. I was like, hey, you guys had to cash and they're like no, They're like looking. I was like, I remember supposed to the tooth thory. I almost texted my next door neighbor because you know, she's just a little bit older, and so I was like, well, she's got to have cash, like older people probably keep cash. So like, I mean, she's like my grandma's age, you know what I mean, Like they've got cash. So I'm like, but I'm like, it was at that point nine o'clock because I'm like, I'm not gonna wake her up. And then I went into Sarah's room. I did end up waking her up. I was like, Dad, do you have any cash? Like I couldn't find her purse on the things. I was going to go through her purse and just like grab cash. So then i go up to Julia's room and I'm just like pacing. I'm like, what am I gonna do? So I start shaking her piggy bank because it's glass, so there's nothing that's like, there's nothing to twist off. So I'm looking at it and I'm trying to like I get I go grab Tweezers to try to get Tweezers to go inside the sliver where the money comes through. And I'm like this is a really low moment in my parenting right now. I'm like, I'm trying to steal my daughter's money to put money underneath your pillow. And then I thought about breaking the SID looked at him like, I think I don't have to break it. I remember put some money out and then explain what happened. Um. And then I went down and I was like, wait, maybe I've got some like change or something. And I've got, you know, a couple of purses, so I was I was going through them, and then I found three dollars in the one of my little lip things, and so I ended up finding it. But then when I put it in there, she stood up. That's like my worst and I was like, and I just like it's gently like pushed her back down. That was like refleation, didn't run like hopefully she wouldn't won't remember in the morning, And luckily everyone was like, just tell her you were checking to see if the tooth fairy came. But she didn't ask. She'd woke up and she was Mommy, the tooth fairy came. And I was like, oh did she That's great, honey, Oh my gosh. First of all, that's how our tooth fairy got so rich because I only had like a twenty dollar bill, And I was like, this is really setting a precedent. Then that's all I have to do that exactly. So I think what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna go to the bank and just get some money out for my tooth fairy fund. So you know, as the kids get older, they start having cash because people give them cash for like birthdays and Chris this, Oh yeah, we got three wallets and our things. So I just steal from them and then put it back if I have to. All the time, we just tell our kids that the tooth pay sent five dollars to your college fund via zel. That's brilliant, Now we don't. I mean, that's actually a really good idea. I know. I was like, hid star, isn't then for you? Baby girl likes and give you then more money? All right, let me rapid fire you these lifestyle questions because they're quicks and then we have a few more relationship questions we should probably get to quickly. Is there a new book coming, asks Bree. Maybe Taylor's Thoughts says, what is your favorite concert you've ever been to? In your whole life. I know this is rapid, but this is hard Garth Brooks or James Taylor. I need more specifics, like Garth Brooks at Ryman and Garth Brooks at Bridgestone when there was the flood in Nashville, and then James Taylor pretty much like a year after that. Okay. The same person says any plans for touring or put on a new album, I don't think I'll ever do another album just because it's so expensive. Um, I'll release songs for sure. I feel like that's the way to go these days, isn't it. I mean it sucks because like albums are so great, but at the same time, yeah, it's just especially for an independent artist. I just it's way too expensive. And yeah, h okay, And did you decide to the dog, says sports old sport old wife, Yes, I did. I'm so excited. So Tanya sent me her breeder, Tanya rad and I'm going to get a cavapoo. Oh man, Sonny is pretty adorable. I am so excited. Yeah. So I've put the deposit in and it'll be um. I think in like the late summer, early fall. Uh, let's take a break and then we have some more relationships. I am feeling nauseous. Okay, bye, all right, so you know what I'm going to ask. I think you've seen some of these uh and do I have your permission to ask the question from Ashpole? Um? I have actually not looked at the breakdown for today because I knew it was a Q and A and I just kind of wanted to avoid it. All right, Well here we go. Okay, cam Aura says, how did you overcome your breakup with Ian? You seem happy and radiant. Um. Yeah, So obviously we've gotten a lot of these questions like what happened? Are you? What's like? Where is love? You know? And I truthfully didn't want to say anything because I'll let you go. Why did we discuss that we weren't gonna say anything. Why did we discussed Well, first of all, you're gonna have relationships, and you're gonna have breakups, you're dating, you're divorced. Um. But I think that there's lessons from every relationship, and I think that that's the important thing to focus on. Yeah, and I and it's you know, and I don't want to be like the last thing that I want is to when I say something, it's it's um like the victim or that mentality and I just have gotten so I just want to move on from And I understand that I am very public and I say a lot of things and I talk about my relationships, but there's a piece where sometimes maybe I just don't want to share because I'm still going through it. And I think that's okay too, because there were and have been a lot of lessons post divorce. UM. And I know now that when I get into a relationship, if I see similar patterns or behaviors that are similar to my ex like lying or saying something in acting a different way, I have to have very strong boundaries to say that's not okay and I'm out UM. And I think that's really hard for me to do because I always want to believe people's intentions and their words. But I also know, like I'm not going to be able to, most likely right now, in this state where I'm at, have a a relationship with someone that has have had similar patterns to my X yeah or triggers something that is in that because that is going to bring out a piece of me because I am still doing my work, and yes I am I believe that I'm healed from my X, but I still have triggers from that past that is not going to bring out the best version of myself in a relationship when a pattern is noticed and I have to go, Okay, that's not healthy for me and I can't stay in something like that. But I have a really hard time sticking with my boundaries. I really do, because I just want to I want love so bad, almost to my detriment. M Like I want to be loved because I have so much love to give. I just want the same love in return, knowing what I deserve. And it's very hard when you realize if there's things you don't want to tell your friends, that's probably a red flag, definitely. And that's something that I've realized I just in in in a relationships post divorce, that I have to just be really clear on boundaries of what I'm looking for and what is going to be the healthiest thing, and and stand by it and not just go, well, it's just because of this, or make excuses. It's like I've done that for seven years. I'm done making excuses for other people. I think you so badly. Don't judge other people and don't want to that when someone shows you something or does something, well, I've lied before, or well i've done this before. Well I've like I can't judge them. I can't. So it's really hard for you when it's kind of smacking you in the face for you to truly see it and truly go, this is not good for me. I love myself and I'm I need to get out. Yeah, this is and this just isn't the last you know, It's just it's it's every relationship that I've kind of been in where it's like I just I do that s Yeah, well I've lied before, and so how can I How can I judge someone for that? Or how can I'm like, oh, yeah I have. I did cheat in a relationship when I was not in my marriage, but yes I did cheat at one point, and like, how can I, Well, I think it's okay to not judge someone for their past, but say that this doesn't work for me. Yeah, I can't be in a relationship where I can't. You know where similar patterns are, and again, this isn't a lot of relationships for you, but recognizing those similar patterns and being strong enough to walk away when you recognize them. Yeah, I think that's really important. Yeah, I agree, And I think you always say people show you who they are, believe them. And I just for like, I know now, like when if I have a list to some you know, if I'm working with a you know, my therapist or whoever, it's like, Okay, what are things that are really important to me? Someone that doesn't lie. Because where I'm at in my life now, I can own my past. As ugly as some of the things I've done. I will sit there in front of you and say some really awful things I've done, and it it feels terrible to share, like awful, but I can own it because I've you know, I've I've you know, I've I've grown through it and I realized, like who I am now. So it's like all I want that same level of someone who is has has done the work to be able to look and be like, yeah, this is what I've done and it's really bad, but like this is who I am now and like what I'm doing and stuff like that. That's interesting. So but if you've met a guy and in the first couple of days he mentioned that he cheated on his extual wife, and that's why it fell apart. But I'm a much better person now. I think you'd have a hard time looking past that, and I would understand why. And and that's something where I was talking to one of my good girlfriends, Briann, who I've had on here. She's a you know, she's a sexually sex and love addict, and you know, she was She's like where you're at now. She's like, she's like, I don't think that would be a healthy relationship for you because of you're always going to wonder, well is he is he going back into that? And you're right? And that's something where if someone did say that, but it's terrible because I'm like, I do believe people can change. That's that's where I go, Like, that's where I go. I I really truly believe people can change and people can, you know, be better versions of themselves. And so it's like, who am I to cast judgment on someone from because I've done stuff too, So it's like who am I to judge? It's it's just for me, Like, yes, it would be hard, but them acknowledging it and being honest is something that would be like a like a beautiful thing, and I would have a lot less like triggers around it if they were open and honest about it. But I mean, sure, it's not like I mean, I would love to find someone that doesn't, you know, and I think so lying and she pat like that's yeah, that's hard, and I think, um, just again, someone that's just wanting to like I had to, I had to have to just very clear boundaries of what I want and um and stick by them. And also there's a lot of men in the world to believe in monogamy and faithfulness. Is there I promise there are there are two on this zoom right now. I promise. I think I'm just And this is where like I think I've become just jaded to you know, past relationships and stuff like that, where I just I'm like, like, but I also know what I deserve. It's just again I go to that place like, well, I believe people deserve to have chances and love, you know, like I just I do. I believe in it, like I believe that people deserve second chances. Well, I have a perfect question to end with is from Danielle Morrell who just says, how are you feeling? I'm good I am. I'm good. I'm I'm getting very clear about things that I want in my life, who I want in my life, how I want it in my life. And it's really really nice and I feel like, you know, my therapist, it's so funny. She said something to me, Um last week when I had a session with her. She goes, do you remember when I asked you? She's like, it was about a month ago. She's like, you just looked and I and I wasn't sharing some certain things with her too again because I just I don't want to. Yeah, Um, And so she was like she's like you just kind of real like yeah, no, no, I'm good, Like I'm good. And she's like she's like, you're back, like you you've kind of like come back and you're back in you as opposed to just like holding onto things that might have not been serving you very well. You s spark all lessons. Yeah, it's all lessons. But I will I will, I you know, I'm gonna definitely just focus on the kiddos and and just um write a list of clear boundaries even when there's ever a next don't worry. I won't go into the whole like I'll never be like I'm gonna be a litle forever, but I will say like, it's about loving myself right now, and that's that's the biggest piece. Great. I think I think enough that someone else will be along in short order. Not even on the radar right now, not even on the radar a couple of weeks. No no, no, no, no no no, no no no, it's not not on my radar. I promised my therapist a time in that I'm not telling anyone. Oh, you're not telling anyone, not even I've got to count down on my phone. Oh man, Well that was fun. Um yeah, that was fun, so fun. I love you guys. Thanks Mark, great job, my pleasure. Thank you. You're the sweetest. Um see you guys next week. We're going to have a really cool guest on next week's show. We're going to go talk about I believe food and wellness and stuff like that. So I'm looking forward to that conversation. Okay. By