Have you ever said yes when every part of you wanted to say no? Or laughed off a comment that didn’t sit right? Maybe you’ve said “I don’t mind, whatever you like” so often that you’ve lost track of what you actually want.

In this solo episode, Dr Jodi talks about fawning, the lesser-known fourth stress response that sits alongside fight, flight and freeze. Fawning shows up as agreeableness, helpfulness and keeping the peace. It isn’t a weakness or a conscious choice. It’s a clever survival response that kept many of us safe. For anyone who lives with anxiety, it may feel very familiar.

Drawing on Dr Ingrid Clayton’s book Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back, as well as other research and her own lived experience, Dr Jodi gently explains where fawning comes from, how it can follow us into adulthood, and how to start “unfawning” at a pace that feels safe.

In this episode:

• What fawning is, and why it’s called the fourth F
• How fawning is connected to complex trauma, and why it often begins in childhood
• The difference between fawning and kindness, and the one clue that can help you tell them apart
• Everyday signs of fawning, from the automatic yes to saying sorry when someone else bumps into you
• How fawning and anxiety are connected
• What fawning can look like in children and teens, and how parents can encourage kids to share opinions and disagree safely
• Practical, low-stakes ways to begin unfawning
• When and where to reach out for extra support

Mentioned in this episode:

• Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves, and How to Find Our Way Back by Dr Ingrid Clayton
• Pete Walker, the psychotherapist who coined the term “fawn”: Codependency, Trauma and the Fawn Response
• Sarah Schlote: History of the term “appeasement”, European Journal of Psychotraumatology
• Rebecca Bailey, Stephen Porges and colleagues: Appeasement: Replacing Stockholm syndrome as a definition of a survival strategy, European Journal of Psychotraumatology
• Shreya Mandal: Demystifying the Fawn Response, Psychology Today

Support:

• Your GP, to talk about a mental health treatment plan
• Blue Knot Foundation Helpline: 1300 657 380
• 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732
• Lifeline: 13 11 14
• In an emergency, call 000