This is the Pete and Sebastian Show with Pete Craeley and Sebastian Menascalton best get it's Jimmy from Boston. Beattie just press in play on a Billy Baldwin series. Is suspect? Never mind endorsing that ship. Mack Well did heard and he just pulled the plug on the only sponsorship that this show has because you lost all credibility. Kid, yea pet Sebastian show. We're back. We've been going to sometimes three a week. Bro. When we don't put one how people are like, where is it? It's unbelievable. Sebastian man is Scalco on the other end, how are you? Brother? How you holding up? Yeah? Dude, it's like Cuomo today released a four phase plan, the opening up the government. I'm cursing at Jackie in the kitchen, like pretending I'm cursing at Cuomo. You ever do that. We're yelling at your wife, but not at her, at the person you're talking about. I'm literally pointing to a face, going, who the funk are you to tell me when I can go outside? Who the fuck are you? My mother called Cuomo the other day. She's like I said it to you father years ago. He's nothing but a gangster, and your governor is no better. The entire middle of the country is barbecue, and in California and New York are like on lockdown like this leprosy, Yeah, it's it's it's I showed you a video from Texas. Friend of mine listen in Texas and he went to the beach or the lake that fucking like it never happened over there. And that's if, right, bro, If you go about your life, you don't even notice is going on except for the fact that you're not allowed out because the guy says, and I know people are dying and we're insensitive. Thank god, we got a roof over head. I think we need to say that one again about I get all of that, all right. If you think, if you get the virus that it's gonna kill you, I think then you stay in? What what do we have to stay? I'm sorry, right, it's like you know what, I'm eighty years old. Alright, alright, better stop, I've better stop. Listen you you bring up a point here, and by the way, I'll get to some fucking uh. Don't they get me started with with some of the Twitter responses. I saw this best four or five days. Oh yeah, right, we're not seeing an assholes. Do you like staying home? Don't you like you ship? Not all? You awesome listener is you guys are the best. You know you all. We're talking about the nitpicky ones that are sending out tweets to us, challenging us on all facts as if we're journalists. I find a way out of journalists even getting any of this fucking right anyway. Kim Yaw was dead two weeks ago. Now he's golfing. Who the funk knows anything? Oh my god, I I even lost my trade of thought. I'm your rent. No, that's all right, man, it's uh the fund that I opened us up with. You were saying the tweets again, you don't get your start a nap, But overall, the your friend Johnny said the thing from Austin, Texas. Austin, Texas. They're they're they're tubing, their water, skiing, they're fishing, and I'm fucking sitting over here. I got the face the other day, by the way, Oh yeah, I know that face that you were talking about the people that look at you like you're you got seventeen heads. Yeah, yeah, line, and I took a walk, ran into uh two guys we know, and uh, you know what's going on, you know, in the neighbor. So the fucking bullshit, this is the ship's gotta end, right, And uh, I got nothing back, you know, like normally you would think you would get. Yeah, you know, it's gotta and nothing to looking at me with the face like what do you like? What do you mean? It's gotta end? You know, this is what we have to do, you know. Sheep fucking sheet right. I don't even know these people you're talking about, bro, But that's the exact person that I can't stand right now. Yeah, it's the exact person sitting at their house fifty three days tweeting that ass going. You know, I can't believe you think that's just like the flu that suck you. I couldn't fine. Now you know, folks, Now you know at least they'll speak for myself that I don't give a shit about as many people as you may have thought I did for the first five seasons of this cast. Oh my god, that when you when you say something like that to these guys walking and and like people don't respond the way you are feeling. It makes me think that when the virus lives, you're out of my life. You too, Oh yeah, it's it's it's I had a funeral in my head as soon as I left. That's it that passed away. They might as well out the corona when I was And then I do another one now, I said, uh yeah, I'm about two minutes away from burning my mask and gloves again again with the nose stare. I look at line, I said, the fun out. You're just from your fucking just like me. If I sense that you're smiling underneath your mask, you're dead to me. Look at your people, you're joining it. I barely put the thing on when I put it on, like I was in the post office today, I do that. I'm halfway in the store before I slap it on, and I kind of slapping on, like you're at a fancy joint and you got to wear a kie and it's in your pocket and you don't want to wear it. You're like, oh, what the funk are you go? You know? And then I take it off of my fingers and then I picked my fucking note. It's a joke. It's a joke. That's funny. Listen, I'm about a minute and a half away from getting a haircut. I'll tell you that right now. And it's like, it's like, um, it's like drugs in the eighties, right, you feel like you gotta do this ship underground. I'm thinking. I'm thinking if I get a haircut and I wear a mask, and the guy wears a mask, and then I go on social media with a fresh haircut, then I gotta get people going, where did you get a haircut from? Oh boy, god bro. If I saw you got a haircut on your social media while watching your video, I would be making an appointment with my guy. Listen, it makes you feel any better. We went to a friend's house Saturday, Sadie Cass, Sadie's best friends. They played They Hugged Yesterday. Sadie goes out back and the Nabor's kids the same age of Sadie and their friends. They're talking on each side of fence and the friend goes, can we play that? Mother goes, I don't care. Do you can? I'm like, I don't care. They said they played like it was, you know, two thousand five, just with dolls. Uh, you know. It's like you can make us mask up, you can do all that, but just know we're all cheating now. We're all cheating. Yeah, it's all full. Now you may as well open it because we're all cheating. Everybody's cheating. Bro. I tell you, I tell you what I saw not too far from me. We took a ride the other day. I saw a fucking block party, thirty people, kids with a food truck at the guy's house. That that fuck it, Let's have a party on the front lawn. I mean, listen, I gotta tell you. Let let me tell the rest of the listeners here. And I'm sure this is going on, and nobody's really hearing about it because people are scared to say anything. But a lot of people that I know have broke rank and what hapen's at people's houses. The cheating is fucking rampant. Bro. It's as if you find someone that has the same beliefs as you. Like when we took Sadie two friends the other day, I'm two feet away from the guy. He's my buddy, can take a d we do business together, and takes care of my money. He's my money guy. And I'm like, literally two feet away from him, like, oh, I'm sorry. It gives me the wave, Like, don't even finish the sentence, don't even worry about it. Yeah, like no, no, six ft like it's it's come on, it's embarrassing. Are you embarrassed that there are people that are buying into this? And I, oh god, and it might be me. I don't know. If I get it, I die. Don't cry for me, Argentina, I mean, what the fuck? This is no life, bro, this is no life. But I do gotta say, uh, there's some people that don't really do a social distancing that should like listen, I know you. You know, if you came over with your family, I'm ninety nine point nine percent you and your family don't have it because even if you were asymptomatic, what is the whole fucking family asymptomatic? Like nobody called it? Right? Yeah? Yeah, okay? So or what where the hell was I where this guy started getting? Oh we're on a walk, right and this guy do you ever look at somebody and go you got it? Oh? Yeah yeah bro, I'm all my judgeing is it's based on your outfit? Yeah, it's total stere total stereotype. Oh yeah, this guy didn't do it. Yeah, it looked like he'd haven't showered, and you know, they just he looked like he had whatever whatever. If he didn't have it, he had something that I didn't want. Yeah. Yeah, even if you don't have to buy, do his whole favor. Keep the mask on anyway. What there's people like that that that looked like they got it, that are trying to into the six ft and I'm like, guy, six feet ain't enough, twelve fourteen, get back about sixteen ft guy, because whatever you whatever you got travels. Oh, it's I judged you. I judged you with I'm in a parking lot and I get out. I'm like I was at home deepout today again and before I get out, I got my mask, and I don't put it on until i'm walking in the door. So the guy at the door is always like, you can't believe I'm I don't even have my mask on. I put on as I enter now when I'm getting out of the car, before I get out, and look around the parking lot, and if people are wearing their mask in the parking lot right away, I'm like, you got it, you got as soon as I step out of any establishment, I whip it off in protest. I'm on the phone my brother yesterday. I'm telling him I can't breathe with the mask on, right, So he go. I go, I pull it off when him down the isle of Walmart, and no one's looking to pull it off so I can breathe. So he goes. He goes to it. I'm online of Costco the other day, loading up on meat, and he goes, and they got a freezer right next to the register. He goes, I haven't shaved a while and I got my mask on. He goes, I can't breathe. I'm gonna pass out. He goes. I do a lean into the meat freezer, pretending I'm checking out meat, and he goes, I pulled my mask off, and I just breathing it out like six times. You're getting corona all over the meats. He goes, I know, I know. Oh God, And you think what he only was doing this ship. It's a joke. These masks are a joke. They should say Democrat across the fucking mouth ship. Oh god, bro, Yeah, it's uh, it's no better than it was last week. Last week, I thought I hit my low. I think last night I hit the low. Uh, every day I've hit a new low. I mean I'm getting on FaceTime. My sister even said, listen, if you're gonna have that face, uh looking at me on FaceTime when you call, you can't call anymore. You got you gotta wipe it off. And I agree wholeheartedly. By the way, my sister just started listening to the podcast seven years in right, and she goes, I can't believe three or four podcasts ago, you said that I was more anti social than you. She's like, are you fucking nuts? Are you? Are you crazy? So I have to go and review the tape. What I meant to say was that my sister is not as social as I am, because I find myself in a lot of social situations and she's not the only time she goes out as a work event or she goes out with her husband. I'm going out more more to parties, dinners. I'm having parties. But if you met my sister and you met me, she said, I would be a lot more personable than you. I think people would walk away with that. I said, yeah, right, I'll give you that. You have high energy, You're very You're very sweet and nice, but I said the way I am, I'm a little bit more kind of, you know, laid back with it. But I think people leave going. She goes, are you crazy people that I've introduced you to when you leave go? Does he like me? Yeah, that's what Land, and Lana has got to explain that to everyone she meets that meets you. The other day, Mark, the guy at I Heart who helps us, we're gonna start videotaping again, folks. We have a videotape because we can't get in the building. By the way, that's also why we delayed the newly Wed game because we really want a videotaping. So we're working on getting that up again. But the other day Mark sends out a text mostly to you, but I was like, you know, it was on a thread, and he says, hey, I can get you the light, I can get you the camera. I'll have it all set up, and you're going, yeah, I need a light to yeah, okay, the camera, and then he goes, okay, and I'll have it all Monday right now. When I doubt with Mark about a year six months ago, when first doing the camera, every other word I write is guy. Thanks, wow, your life saving. I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah you you don't even do a hello and go bye? Nothing you just the facts. Just the facts. It, that's it. No one wants to fucking hear a lot of ship. What did I say to this guy? Yeah? Where is it? Where is it? I'm looking forward now Wednesday? Hey everyone that that that? Thanks mart Yes, I need a camera. Could you drop it off on Monday? That was it? To what I said right now, I think the guy is willing to come out in a pandemic to the whole Wait wait, wait, wait, wait why why why all of a sudden it's a pandemic and now it's all serious. Three minutes ago it was hey, my mask is off in the freezer at the grocery store. Now now he's coming out in the pandemic because that fits my narrative, Betta. Besides, you and I are the only two to feel this way. The rest of the world is freaking out. So well yeah, but so so anyway, By the way, do now you gotta be careful with family stocks. You know, every time a new family member listens and they got a problem with something, we say, I mean, Jackie does that all time? Why did you say this at all? And I'm liked because that's not funny. There's nothing funny about that. It's just a factual. Yeah. Some some of the stuff that we say it's just for effect and humor. It's not. It's not so much that we're like, you know what's funny, you know what's not. Hopefully you think of people on the other end of this our chocolate and are laughing or doing whatever they're doing, so you gotta figure it's humor first. Facts. Second, when I had a faction the case, yeah, I mean and and and talking about what you're talking about? What you sis? I gotta say, I mean not even really, haven't every spend I don't even think I haven't met your sister, have I know, I don't think so No, But I can't imagine that if you're out of a party. Of course she's gonna be she doesn't go out as often as you, but she's definitely got to be more social than you. I mean, well, that's so saying. I go, I go, you're so damn happy when you meet people because you never see people. I see people constantly. Oh ship, you're gonna have to answer to that one. Oh yeah, definitely, that's another one. It's another phone call. You have reached the voicemailbox of did you say that about me? Yeah, as you know, I told you at the end of the last show, we handed into script, the Rappaport script, and they're gonna want to know if we sell, they're gonna want to know how we see the season playing out. So it's got a little bit of a basketball element. So I had to tell you I had I called up my old Division three basketball coach because the character and this thing would pitch him with rap is. He would be coaching a Division three school, So it's a funny thing. But and I needed some talk to my coach. He's retired obviously, and I know I've brought him up before losing town. So I call up and we're talking and um, we're talking a little bit about the past, and he goes, I couldn't believe this man, bro I started since I was a freshman. I was named captain going into my junior year before I quit, I was the Goods and he goes. I had a roommate freshman Yuan named Bill. We'll call him just Bill. You don't need his last name. And Bill was like six five from a small town in Pennsylvania, and he was my roommate. And he ended up blowing out his knee. But overall, you know, he blew out his knee. Freshman year, I start every game freshman and sophomore year. Need I say more without eggons? So the coach we're on the phone, and he goes, I gotta tell you know, Pete, of all my years, the year you came in. And I'm like, oh, here we go. He's gonna say how great it was he was. That was the year we also landed Bill Smith, will call him Smith. Yeah, And I go, yeah, yeah, it was my roommate. Yeah, I remember. And he goes and I gotta tell you and I'm like, oh, here it comes. Now he's gonna say name. Bill Smith meant everything when we got billed. The day he agreed and signed with us, my wife and I we popped. We cracked open a bottle of champagne right not about me, about him. And then then I had a wife go in the background, a lovely lady, and she goes, we still have the cook. Oh my god. I here he goes, and Bill's freshman year, we will play in buff State and they will rank number one in the nation. Bro. I remember that game. I was the point guard. I played the whole game, had seven point seven assists and no turnovers against the team of guys that, let's put it this way, half of him had fa m lee's and they were playing college basketball. All right, So I played unbelievable. Got down to the very end of the game. All right, I'm just telling you this part. Got down to the very end of the game. I throw a ball into the Bill Smith. If he catches it and puts it in, we win the game. If he doesn't, we lose. Right, I drive the lane. I passed up. This is what the coach says on the phone. I remember we were playing buff State and it got down to we had a chance to beat the number one ranked team in the nation. And he's saying it, like, does this guy even remember I was the point guard during that game. And he goes and somebody passed the ball to Bill, but they threw him a bounce pass instead of just lobbing it to him. I always wish they would have lobbed it to him, because Bill just couldn't handle that bounce pass. And well, it went out of bounds and we lost. And then a few games after that, Bill heard his leg and while that was that, and I'm sitting here for oh my god, I threw the pass and it had to be a bounce pass. And by the way, Coach, it was fucking right in his wheelhouse. He should have So I gotta bite my pump through all this, and uh it just dude, it would be like you going back to your high school coach and talking to him and he has no recollection of how great you are. Well, did you tell him, coach, that was me to do the bounce bess. I didn't say that, but I did. At the end of the that part, I go, I do remember the game, coach, I was the point guard. I had seven points, no turno was that was a huge game. And then he pauses and he goes, well, Pete, I still, oh my wife and I still talk about how you should have never quit. Gosh, you're a heck of a player, and who knows how great you could have been. I just wish you never quit. And now I got a duty old Yeah I know, Coach, I know, but and he goes, but when I see you around town and you still call me coach. I can't tell you how good that makes me feel inside. And for Donia is a lucky town to have you what I'm like. I should have told it, really because two days ago to cops were at my door because I'm call the fucking guy at the leaf lace. Oh man, So yeah, I got nothing going on on my am. Bro. It's a nightmare, I mean, just a nightmare. I have such disdain for Bro. Is it gonna be a bread line suit? Oh no, yeah no. Listen, it's like they're killing they're killing two million pigs because the pigs. It's it's a fucking nightmare. I mean, it's the whole thing is a ship show. When this thing opens up in whatever two weeks, big deal occupancy at a restaurant, who's gonna go? Are you going? I ain't going out. I ain't going out until everything is back up and running. And I don't see a glover mask. The only time I want to see a fucking mask is when somebody's robbing a place. And the only time I want to see gloves is in the winter. That's it. That's it. Wouldn't that be nice to like, five years down the line, someone bops into a store and they got a mask on, and right away you're like, oh god, we got another virus. And then they go everybody hands up, there's a stick up. I'd be like, oh, fantastic. Please refrained from using any further obscenities in the presence of these people. What I've warned you, I'd be forced to thrash you. Fuck you? So what about you? Anything else going on in your end? What are we doing? We're cheating the rules? We how's the family holding up? What are we doing? Well? First of all, thank God for this last dance. I don't know if you've been watching the Jordan thing. No, I know everyone in Chicago is, that's for sure, bro. I mean for you as a basketball player, you you you have to watch this. I mean, I'm about three or four minutes away from ordering a basketball hoop and setting it up in the yard. That's where I'm at. You know, I feel like I know it all because I you know, it was such a fan of Georgian, all of it. But I guess it's a lot of the inside stuff that we never knew. Uh never knew, nor the maybe you knew and you forgot. There's a lot of stuff that I'm like, oh, yeah, I remember that, and there's a lot of stuff in there, and I'm like, I don't remember that. Jordan's uh and the Bulls were down two oh in the Eastern Conference Finals against the Knicks and they came back in one. I totally forgot about that. Wow, I never even knew they went down. Yeah, they were down, and uh, it's it's it's it's the highlight of my Sunday. Um. I I feel like I'm running a full blown hotel here. What I cooked this morning is unprecedented. I started last night. I made lamb chops, potato, finger link potatoes, asparagus, got up this morning, made breakfast for everybody, then started in on a vodka uh. Um. I brind the the salmon and vodka. What does that mean, blinding, Brian did? I? I like, let it soak marinate in in vodka, salt, pepper, uh for about two or three hours, and then I put it in the uh in the oven for about an hour and a half. Came out a little drier than I you know, and I like, I like a nice moist salmon. But I got corn on the cob in there. I got the meatballs in there. I got spaghetti in there. I got so much food, so much options for everybody. And what I started doing, which I think is a nice touch, which is a recommendation here to the cast, is I'm dating the food. Have you ever done this? No? So you no? No? Why so I put the food in there? So I put the meatballs in there, and on one of those kind of electronic it's like um an electronic tape where it comes out and you could put it's like see through and you could put it on stuff instead of writing on everything's in glass tupperware. Okay, so I just stick on May four meatballs, Sebastian. So if Lana goes in there to get it, the nanny goes in there to get it, just they know how old it is and they could ask the chef me, what's in it? How fucking thoughtful that is? That is? Man? So you're just you're just loading up. So when you come into the fridge, there's various options, and you know the level of freshness. It's like an it's like an end, bro. I want to it's it's like it's like it in and when you got kids. I got kids three and one, so you know, we're always like, what should we make for lunch? Which we have for dinner. It's there, it's just there. Pull it out, pull out the lamb, chop, pull out some corn, heat it up, and boom you're off and running. So I and this is another thing I had to do. And I don't know if you do this with your wife. You know, a lot of it is laced with humor, but there's some there's half of its serious. I'm cooking, I got an apron on, I'm I'm sweating, right, and I turned the line. I go, this is this is like a added bonus, right, like like like like you gotta go and say to yourself as you walk away to the living room and he cooks, maybe she's saying that about a normal guy. But when you she goes, actually, no, it just makes up for your lack of fucking social skills. When we go your body, they go, wow, he's a meat son of a bitch. You go, yeah, but he's a help of cook. I know. But like, have you seen in Jackie something that you didn't know when you got married that was like holy shit? You know, is there? You know, it'd be like off the top of my head. I had to give it some thought, but it'd be like Lana detailing the cars every Saturday, you know, like buff of them out back and him and she's like, holy sh it. She goes, yeah, I've been the one that since I've been eight years old. You know, Like that's the type of reaction I'm looking for with this cooking, because when when she first married me, I wasn't doing this ship And now I got a Schmoorgess board of food and a refrigerator for everybody to look at that. It's unbelievable. I can't get over it's I mean, I can't imagine what your gift is gonna be on Father's Day should be through the roof. You're basically saying it is if you're being you married a lot of for a year and then she comes walking and going weirdest thing. But I've really gotten into detail in the cars something I gonna do it twice a week if you don't mind, a woman, I'll tell you bro it. It really sounds like you could just slide right over from comedian to chef and rock and be a star at that too, if you wanted to. I mean, it's it's funny you say that, and uh we did. We did something, um for Feeding America. It's a charity that's gonna give money to people who are in need right now and can't afford food because of the COVID christ It's gonna air on Mother's Day on NBC, and Lana and I did a cook off. We did a pizza challenge. Who could make the best pizza. I can't tell you who won or what happened. I just want to get that out there Mother's Day at NBC, Lana and I are gonna be on doing a pizza challenge from our house. We had a crew come over, social distance, past, sanitized equipment, the whole thing. But it was actually nice. It was actually nice to see people. Uh and uh the two hour shoot so uh yeah, so this is uh, this is great? What what? What? What? What time? Wait? What's the show? I missed the beginning. I know it's called it's called it's called Feeding America. It's about forty comedians. Eddie Murphy happy to be here. Um, I think Judd apatous In and I gotta look at who who Who's on the list, But yeah, it's I think Michael Yo. So a bunch of comedians are doing this thing called feeding America an NBC Mother's Day. I'll get the time and all that once I find out. But anyway, a lot is on there and when I compizza together. So I'm just saying, have you picked up a skill set in the last twenty years where your wife's like what this is? Mly Well, I can't say I picked it up because I always felt it was in me. But I do think she's blown away more than she thought she'd be at my landscaping abilities. That's what I'm talking about, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean my house is right out of home and garden. It's it's when my back's not out, It's unbelievable. Why did you get such a great time? I like you love cooking, right like I love. I love just when I'm working on my lawn. Then I grab a coffee and I go to the edge of my driveway and I look back at my house and I look for anything. What do I need to do? It is a leaf over there. Let me go get that leave and pick it up. I just walk around my property. I check out every nook and cranny. I got ship holes all around me. But my how isn't it ship, No, it's not. Oh, let me ask you this. When you were a kid, and I'm talking maybe twelve six, did you play like neighborhood football? Of course, man, especially whenever the best. All right, now, I wasn't this guy. But do you ever see the guy or maybe you were this guy that comes to like a neighborhood football game with cleatson? No, no, no, what do you what are you playing? You're playing on on the field. They're playing on a road, playing on someone's either either someone's front of their house. Or we used to play at the park and there used to be this one guy. They used to come with cleats and then you ever see the cleat where they tie it around the ankle? Ever get that tie where they they do it so tight they have to wrap it around the back of her ankle and they tie it up front. You ever see that that move? Sometimes they go right underneath the shoe in between two plates, wrapping around. All right, all right. I was sitting there and I was outside the other thing, kicking the soccer ball around just with normal you know, sneakers, and I got to thinking about the guy that comes to the neighborhood football game with cleats, right, and now I gotta tackle this guy. And this guy is cooking right because he's gripping the side with his cleats, and I go to tackle him from the legs and I get kicked in the fucking face by seven spikes right when it should be a kid exactly. So I was I was wondered if that was as common as it was in our neighborhood, where someone shows up to play neighborhood football with almost the required uniform for professional football. Yeah, well, there's always something I haven't. I've seen them show up with a helmet, not to play with it on, but just to show it off. But yeah, nah, not everyone knew growing up, and I think you noticed too, right. I had two pair of sneakers, school sneakers and then nakers, that's it. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't have a sneaker for every sport. And there was guys like when we played basketball, they whipped out their high tops. Okay, I had a loaf toop that doubled as a basketball shoe as well as a tennis shoe. Right, I could play basketball and then I could go to a dance. I'm I'm ready to go. I didn't you ever have someone come in and they got like the brand new, like eighty dollar sneaker like and my my parents would never do that. Bro. I distinctly remember being a kid and my mother getting my sneakers when I was really young at path Mark at the supermarket early on, we didn't even get the Marshalls till I was in like eighth grade that I finally started getting Marshall sneakers. Oh yeah, no, we had. We had very simple sneakers. Although I do that at you. In seventh grade, I saved up enough money on my own cotton lawn to buy a pair of fifth dollar Air Jordan's. Oh wow, you went, I see it. I was never an air Jordan guy. Man, I was a deed, a superstark. Now did you have what he's at Jordan's? Uh? Ankle right there, all ankle? Well no, I mean this is where I stepped it up because I actually tried out for the basketball team in junior high didn't make it. It's it's said, it's sad. Listen, listen. I said, this is like, listen, I knew that I wasn't as good as a lot of the people that try it out. But do you ever have the kid who comes to the basketball court with the with the Jordan's, but it's nowhere near Jordan's, you know, like because I had to I had the Jordan's, but I couldn't jump. That's like every every human being by except Joy. Yeah, but you know, I just didn't. My skill set did not fit the the active where And I remember them posting the and you never had this problem because you you were probably always first team. But I'm in basketball and junior high. I remember sixth seventh grade they posted the who may the cut outside the gym and and and this is this is a tell tale sign that you don't belong on the basketball team when the kids in front of you are so tall that you can't even see if you made the cut. You should be playing basketball if you gotta picking eyes between their legs. But I hit by a hate even trying out today's kids that you know, they don't even It seems like a lot of them don't even try out. It seems like it's a lot harder to make stuff these days, too. Know what do you kids today that you do You don't even have to try it out. If you show up, you're probably on the team. Because they're afraid that if you don't, if you if they cut you, you're gonna you're gonna gas yourself in your room. That's that's until you get to high school. Then it's like forget did man that I don't know, I don't know. What would you? Let me ask you this, What would you do if your daughter is so good at soccer right that she comes to you in ninth grade or tenth grade and says, Dad, I'm better than most of the guys on the guys team. I want to play on the guys team, and I think it's discrimination and I need your support to try and help me to make them have to let me play on the on the guys team, because that's how good I am. And I'm tired of just having to play with girls. I'm better than that. I got Sicilian blood me. This is a joke. I'm fucking awesome. Do you go, hey, just stick with the girls? Well exactly exactly. That's oh me, not good dad. That was supposed to be like, you're right, sweetie, I have your back. There's no reason you shouldn't be able to play with the boys. I don't know, I mean, in that particular instant. I would just say, just just be the best time the girls team. That's all I need, is it? My worry would be that's all I needed. You in the locker room and Frank coming up to your naked going, hey, good game exactly it is. What's gonna happen. You gonna have a simper locker room for you. Come on? Oh God, so I'm not into the cleats. Uh. Secondly, I U I had another zoom. I was hoping you did. I was hoping you did, just to just to spice it up a little bit. I meant to ask you about the last zoom. Do you at any point like say, because you know you're not telling us anything you said, and I know it's private, and I get that, but like, do you at least say like, hey, it's about Tom Hanks, Hey Tom Howaire's bashing over here. We never met you know, like you were, I don't know anything. You just say nice to meet you. Through his oom. Nothing nothing, You're just looking at him and then he goes, hangs up and he turns to read a and goes, is a Italian guy in the left corner box. I didn't know who that was. Then there was another guy in the right box. I don't know, and then she's like, did they say anything? No, they just listen to me talk to Spade and Sandler. I don't know why I didn't just have a zoom with Spade and Sandler. I don't know why this guy was on the co Well, it would that be incredibly weird to go, Oh my gosh, Mr Hanks, I'm a obviously a huge fan. I certainly wish it was in person, but wow, it is a pleasure to be on the same call as you, sir. Or would that be like you know what you had? She just got hung up on. Yeah, I'd get a side text from the guy hosting, going could you please hang up? Then I would tell the guy going, Bro, it's more embarrassing for me to gork then it is for me, or at least say something and live a die by it. I mean, Bro, how many times you gotta sell out the fucking garden to be allowed to talk on the zoom call? Bro, you're the only one on those zoom calls that could sell out Madison Square, Garden and White possibly with masks like tomorrow. By the way, by the way, you see my driving things taken off in Denmark already. I told you, I don't know what you people who don't they don't And Denmark, some big time rock star just had a concert and a driving and all these calls. Oh yeah, dude, it's coming back. You called this before it even started. I told you to do it. You could. You would already have a driving tour ready to go right now, to be playing Austin, Texas this weekend. If you charge a thousand dollars a car, it's like a circus car. However many you can get in there, I don't give a ship. I'm you know, I'm counting the car. It's not the people. Yeah, but listen, if you're doing comedy in the drive through and everybody's in their cars, you can't hear the laughs. What do you What are you gonna do? Tell people to honk? I don't bro It's about getting to cash at this point. Actually, I'm sorry I should have laughed at that. That is very funny. Yeah, yeah, and and if I give a long honk, that's like an applause break. Let's let's try right now ready, like, oh, everybody, it's good to be here, even if it rains. The only one who was a shitty show, is me? I was late for the hond Hank is gonna end him a post? Yeah, yeah, but exactly exactly. You do a long physical bit and people are just leaning on the horns. It could be a couple of trunks there with the air horn. The trucks brown. It's the new norm. That's another thing that bothers me. Don't don't get me started with saying it's the new norm. You'll never hear that coming out of my mouth. I know, I agree. Why if this isn't the normal, I would move to Alaska and live a simple life and anchorage or something like that. Some way way they're not doing this. Yeah, no, I agree. Sweden, Sweden and didn't locked down at all. No, no, they didn't. They didn't. They did a little little social distancing and this is what the news does. I hate to be this person, but they go and Sweden has two thousand and five hundred deaths, which is compared to their neighbors Norway, Finland and Denmark who have like four hundred, three hundred and like three hundred respectively. Right then I go online do a tiny bit of research to realize Denmark and Norway combined have the same population as Switzerland, so now all of a sudden the numbers start to get more closer to equal again. But they don't tell you that because that doesn't that that doesn't scare you, That won't scare you with to stay at home. That they don't you don't click on that on the internet. That's that's uh, that's why I don't tell you that. It's it's a bunch of bullshit. Food Network doesn't have a show listen. Um, I get on the zooe and I come in and I'm like, I gotta come into guns blazing here. But I came in late, zoom was already going for an hour, so I pop in like kind of towards the end, really, and then people are sharing stories about like crazy stories before shows. Right. I can't tell you the stories because I want to, you know, just be respectful of these. But the telling stories like, oh my god, I remember I did this show and and this, this was there, and that was there and this we had a blast. Sou Amy Schumer's on the call, all right. She asked me, is this the longest you've gone without doing stand up comedy? I said, yeah, definitely, this is the longest I've gone. But I gotta tell you something right now. After being on these zooms, I got no stories to tell you. People, all right, you got some and soth throwing that story. You got that story? I go, what am I gonna tell you? I ate a bowl of blueberries before I went on stage. This is what you said to everybody of the zoom. Yeah. Nice. I got a nice pattering of laughter, and then I just sat back in my seat and became a spectator. Huh. That would definitely be a half of beep if it was a driving I'll not say. Listen, I'm not saying if I told you, if I got descriptive about what I heard prior to that, the joke would be funnier. Yeah. But but that's also I thought you were gonna say. I did the blueberry bit. It got a nice laugh and then I put the pedal to the metal. By the time we had done, everyone was laughing. Say, I gotta go sebaston. I can't even read into you see that couple? Is it isn't? I come in, I give a couple of punches and then I lay out, you know, it's it's just, you know, nothing too aggressive. Yeah. Wow, Wow, these things are really it seems like they are a lot more than just a phone call. Man. They all put it this, put it this way. There's a lot of things I have to tell you about this zoom call, but it's not gonna be on the kid, right, I bet it um. But I did want to talk to you, and I don't know if you heard about this. Is these murder hornets that they're saying that are up in Washington. I feel that's what I feel. I feel like whoever whoever's running the news, holy ship, the people are going back outside this corona. Ain't enough. Send the fucking murder hornets story out. Make sure you put each meat in the headline. These murder hornets, they got a two inch killer Uh it's like they're two inches long, and they got these like I don't know what, they're like antlers hanging out of their head and they're decapitating like honey bees. They're they're fucking taking their cousins heads off, barutal everything that what you say about it, be like, at least the stinger isn't that bad. Well, now this hornet it is bad. Well, at least when the beast things you would die the holee it can sting you over and over. Bro, you know where it comes from, right, How the hell is this the how how is a B make it from China to Washington, like they were saying, Sometimes it gets in the luggage or it gets on a flight, and then what does it do? Like what does it land in Europe and the B knows to transfer over to the flight that's going to the United States? I don't know. Did it call pool with the virus? By the way, China, nice fucking wall? Does that thing keep anything, get around anything? Damn man? Well listen, if China is the example of a wall working slay, it doesn't do ship right, Yes, I mean it's nothing but a decoration. The I used to want to go to China someday. I'm not going in now, and not even not even like uh, because I don't think it's beautiful and all the things why I originally want to go. I'm just not giving them the satisfaction ever having pe Corielli on their soil. They don't deserve. They don't deserve. Now, Bro, you'll come back with a virus and a fucking beasting in the neck. This this this hornet that the stinger could penetrate and puncture a bee keeping suit. Now that's right, right, I read that ship through. Okay, Sigourney, we even fight this fucking thing. He is. I don't so it's so at the extreme. It's it's like the virus. Right, Oh, you don't know somebody's got it, or it's it stays on metal for three days, or you know. It's like it's so sophisticated, this virus. It could get you multiple different ways. Then they come out with a be that basically is as intelligent, if not more so, than a virus. And I'm thinking myself, what happened to like what does it do? Like if if you shoot rada at, it doesn't just shake it also just along that's cologne guy. That's I think that the hole it left China because they were eating them right like everything else. I tell you, man, I just don't understand. How could how could Okay, if there's these hornets out there, they gotta have a nest. Right, Oh yeah, you read about that, right? Do you hear how the Chinese people are killing him? What they do? No? No, oh, this is this is how vicious this thing is. They have these guys they because these pinnets like water, so they set up water like shallow water with that, and they even put I'm not kidding you meet in the water to attract these meat to attract the bug. Then when the bug comes, they scoop it up in a net. They don't kill it, and then they somehow delicately track it somehow, not on an electronic thing, but they track it somehow, and they let it go and they're able to follow it back to its because it always goes back to its hornets nest. And then they come back out at night with flame torches and burn the nest. I'm telling you, man, China, the high tech over there, right, I mean, can you imagine that to be? They're like, don't don't don't kill it, don't kill it. Let's sedate it. Let's put a chip in it. Let's had this thing wake up again and take us back to to its friends. That's exactly it. Then when the horn it gets back to the hornet's nest later on that night's hanging out and the wife goes, Jerry, what's that on your back? Oh my god? Is that a track? Before I can do anything? Oh god, it's like a what do you call when they put the microphone out the guy and send them in. Oh yeah, catch your brendt up lo lo, like when they when when they arrest someone, like, listen, we're not going to press charges. We want you to cooperate with us. Gonna mike you and you're gonna go back. Yeah, they got this piece of informant. Oh ship, bro, I know you don't want to hear it, but you're setting my rib back. I'm still not I've been holding at the whole show fuckings exactly when it's like they're fucking wire and the hornet sending them back to the social club. I'm telling you your whole right, don't talking to the phone right, and I understand. Oh oh god, bro, it's it's unbelievable. It's like what once you get over one thing, you think you're out of the woods with the virus and maybe the you know, this ship's lifted, we're getting back to normal. They send out the murder hornets. After this murder hornets ship don't stick. What's next? What are they gonna send out next? But yeah, dude, I don't know. You think there's some conspiracy to keep us inside. Well they must be, because it's gonna happen with the killer hornets. As soon as they get released, they're gonna go. All right, remember what we did with Corona, where you guys sat inside, We're gonna have to do the same thing with the beast. The beats are outside and if you walk out, they could sting here. You can die right on the spot. I just listen. My luck is, this is my luck. I'm gonna be going out taking Seraphina to the swing set, and I'm gonna have one of these fucking hornet and that's hanging out on one of my trees. I could just see it now. That is gonna get to you firstity huh, oh god, that's holding it. When I read about it, though, do you think at some point, if you live in China that you're like, oh man, we're like, we're not holding up our into the bog in here when we did the virus. Now we all bees are getting out a hornets. They don't give a fuck. They don't give They're they're like, oh god, thank god, they got the hornet left here and it's attacking somebody else. I mean, are they even phased in China? About half of the ship that there news is their news as is fear based as ours? Or do they just come out and say, guys, another bad that, another bad thing you gotta worry about, not only the corona. There's a hornet on the loose. Just just wear your beekeeper's outfit and and and you'll be all right. Or are they like stay in, don't go outside. I don't know, they just the news take kid on a daily basis over there. I mean there was a time where as a family, you can only have one kid and keep matching news. Yeah, you can only have one Yeah, and you go all right, darn it bang in your life to contemprates, You're like, oh, ship, we're gonna go to chail. We'll go to chail. We got we gotta kill the other kid. Well, listen, they'll let's have a have a spelling me to whin it gets to live. But can you imagine that's living in a country like that, you can only have one kid. I don't know I say that now, but I wouldn't be surprised if in two weeks cuomost like, listen, with this virus, we don't have enough ventilators. We can only one child? Part moving forward, um, all right until next Wait wait wait, wait wait wait, So can we get a a little bit of a playlist of just who was on this last zoom call? I mean, uh, let me just say I'm specifically waiting and looking for Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, of course. I mean that's like, but I just feel like, eventually you're gonna be friends with Brad Pitt and then you're gonna introduce me, and it's just all gonna play out how I see it in my head. Absolutely, But but Tom Cruise, well, Mick Jagga, that's jaw on the floor right, that's like, holy sh it, this is yeah, it's it. Listen, there's been a lot of draws on the floor. The three new people that were on this call that weren't on the call last time, with Schumer, Snoop Dogg, Lionel, Ritchie Man. If I had Amy on the call, if I had a few with me, I'd be like, get your uncle on the fucking phone right now. That's Chuck Srum folks as your uncle. By the way, I gotta say, speaking of this and that with these people, but what it's word man. I was the other day thinking about the cap because I was thinking about I was watching Gangs in New York, which was great, and then I was thinking about Departed, Revolutionary Road or whatever what he did with Kate Win said, Titanic. You know, I lost you. Sorry, I lost you Revolutionary World, right right, Titanic. Then the one recently where he with the Grizzly Band where he got mauled by the Grizzly Band, revetting. Then you got Once upon a Time in Hollywood, which is arguably my, my, my, my, my, favorite DiCaprio movie ever. And I'm sitting here and I'm going, bro, you played pickle ball and all basically friends with on some levels, some acquaintances with that. For now, what I have to say is the greatest movie star that ever lived. I think I can see that comfortably. The Aviator, where he played, Howard used, I mean, Aviator, catch me if you can play the game God, catch me if you can. What's eating Gilbert grape that Dad, which I didn't even like, you say Titanic, I mean that was that was a mega hit. Yeah, it said Titanic. Even the Blood Diamonds, which is like a flop for him, was like it would be the best movie any most other movies slong as I ever made Staff. Yeah, I think arguably is probably i'd have to say the best. Well, what about Cruise? I think the Cruises movies are as elevated as the Caprios. Yeah. Yeah, first of all, Cruise once in a while, as much as he's Tommy Ce and he's just a machine of awesomeness. But you know, Hill, once in a while he makes one of the DiCaprio level and then he makes you know your Jack, reach you, your mission impossible. You know those kind of ones. Wheah, every movie DiCaprio makes, it's literally a Hollywood classic, a classic. Yeah, I mean we're we're we're leaving out the Great gats Be, Wolf of Wall Street, my god, oh my god? What else? Shutter Island? Body a lies? I left out Shutter Island on purpose? Okay, I had trouble following that one. But yeah, I mean Wolf of Wall Street and whatever the other one you just named. I already forgot what's your name? Wolf of Walls Street, Great gats Be, Django Unchangeable O my god, dude, it's insanity. I mean, it's like it's crazy, right, Oh god? Yeah, and he had he had literally catch me. If you Can Aviated, Departed, and Blood Diamond all in a row. I mean, he just can't beat it. Well, what do you mean in the road, It's like no, Shutter Island is like the only one that was like and well, what I'm saying is like back to back to back. You know. It's like normally you get a movie, then you have another hit in two thousand five Ship. Every year this guy comes out with something that's just unbelievable. Now he's playing Roosevelt. Let's playing Theodore Roosevelt. Bro this guy plays anybody that dies and had something fantastic happened in their life. Yeah. No, I'm telling you about about twenty years from now, you're gonna just be able to teach history through DiCaprio movies. And then and then they say, well he gets all the great scripts. Yeah, well, I mean half the scripts. I would read it. I would like I read Once upon a Time in Hollywood and I get halfway through it and I go, I have no idea what the funk is going on in this thing? If I was, if I was reading it, you know, I've read scripts like that. Like, are you interested? I go, yeah, I'm interested in in someone telling me what the fun things about? And then you see the movie and you're like, oh, wow, yeah, I didn't see any of that. I wasn't getting any of that out of the script, you know. And this guy, yeah, just an absolute machine. So we said, I said, you're going to Mickjago brad Path and let's not forget pickle ball with the biggest movie star of all time. Bro. I just hope when the time comes, man, uh, if I'm living out in l A and like that DiCaprio's coming over your house or whatever, you better put me on that short list of absolutely bro. You know, you know, I you know I'll be cool. But like, is it so bad to say to him if I'm hanging out with the Caprio, I'm playing pickle ball and we're not playing I'm watching another guy. Can I just turn to him? Go Bro? I know you hear it a million times, but just for me to sleep well at night and needs to be said, you are the most unbelievable actor. I've have a scene of my life alright, practic hanging out like it's gotta saying. Man, I just want to stand next to you and I act like you're unbelievable goddamn, oh my god, Bro. Good hang good, yeah man, thanks good, hanging good event and uh yeah look both to the next one. Brother. All right, take care Bro, the show has ended. That would definitely be a half of BEAP if it was a driving se