Hi, everyone, Carlie Taylor here for this speaks Mojoe Monday. I actually have a Rhodesion ridgeback. She's around fifty five kilos. She's a really big girl, and she's lying on the floor snoring, So I don't know if it is going to come through, but I've decided I'm not going to move her because she's quite peacefully asleep. So today I am going to talk about responsibility for our choices. And I've been just started reading a book called Existential Psychotherapy by Ervan Yellham. It's a very thick book, but I'm super super excited about it, so I will no doubt be sharing some of the stuff I'm learning from that book. But I also want to bring a perspective in around responsibility, which is inspired by Jean Praul Satra, who is the existential fuller who believe that we are all radically free and as a result, responsible for how we live our lives. And I did talk about some of his stuff in a previous No Joe Monday episode if you want to go back and listen to that. But what he is saying it doesn't mean that we have control over everything, because of course we don't. And we certainly know that there are people suffering due to circumstances beyond their control. But we do have a freedom within these boundaries of whatever our circumstances are. And psychotherapist Urvan Yellam builds on this and he emphasizes that while we are shaped by our past, we are ultimately responsible for what we do with it and our attitude towards it, and our freedom to choose our response. That's where this true personal power lies. And here's something really important to understand. You are not respond for your automatic thoughts and emotions. So I'm going to say that again. You are not responsible for the thoughts that pop into your head or the emotions that turn up in response to a situation. And there's a good reason for that. And I want to really stress this because so many people want to change how they feel or what they think. And of course this is a natural response to really uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that can easily take over. And actually, I'll let you in on one of my automatic responses to certain situations. My mind and my body warn me that I won't fit in, that I should say no to things that I should avoid circumstances because it's too risky of you know, there's a high risk of being rejected or failing is too high. And this automatic reaction happens all the time, and it's really frustrating because I have to work hard to ensure that I don't give into it and that it's something, you know, especially if it's something that's really important to me. But here's the thing, we as humans have lost touch with our true nature. This is so important because we are part of nature itself. But we also have these incredible brains or these incredible minds that allow us to think about the past, think about the future, problem solve connect ideas, relate one thing to another. And at the same time, we have these systems running in our body that we can't control because these systems are designed to keep us alive. And the problem is that these stress response systems are responding to dangers that in our modern life are rarely life threatening in the short term anyway, and our limbic system, particularly the amygdala, reacts to these perceived threats before our rational brain, the prefrontal cortex, even has a chance to step in. And that's why I feel anxious before I do a big presentation, or I feel frustrated when something doesn't go in my way, or sometimes I just feel anxious and I don't even know why. That's my brain and body reacting to a perceived threat. So I'm wired to have this automatic reaction. So I may not consciously know why I feel anxious, but it's my mind and my body know. And maybe that's not very helpful, but there is a reason, and it's a protective, natural process based on my past experience, so based on my brain wiring. So if these reactions are automatic, what are you responsible for? Well, you are responsible for how you respond. So let's break down the word respec reponsibility. It's the ability to respond. So that's where our power lies. So you might not choose your initial reaction, that you can choose what happens next. You have a choice. This is where you are free to choose. So do you choose to let your emotions hijack your behavior or do you respond in a way that aligns with the person that you want to be or respond to the needs of the moment. And this is where self awareness comes in. Without awareness, there's no change without awareness, there's no space between something happening and you're responding. You're just running on autopilot, reacting based on how you're feeling or what you're thinking, and it's based on old patterns. But when you develop the ability or the awareness to notice your thoughts and emotions, which is what psychologists call me cognition, you create that crucial space, and in that space you decide what you do, because what's the alternative. Were staying in this rut hoping that we can talk our way out of it, But I think that talking about it should be just the first step to creating awareness. And then as soon as you've developed this level of self awareness of your automatic reactions why you may be reacting like that, then you can decide that it's not going to take over and be your full identity anymore. That you can start to take action based on what's important to you. So Ervin Yellam he emphasizes that taking responsibility it's not about self blame, but about recognizing that, regardless of our past, we have the power to shape our present and future. So he argues that avoiding this responsibility often leads to this existential distress because deep down, deep down, we all do know that we're free to choose, and yet sometimes denying that freedom is out of fear. But denying responsibility doesn't remove it, It only makes us feel more stuck. I hope that makes sense. So how do we create this space? We need to step back from this busyness of life, step back from the constant distractions of technology, and take time out, preferably in nature. Slow down, tap into our five senses, get out of our heads and tap into our sense of sight, sound, smell, touch. And when we do this, we slow down enough to notice how we feel, notice our thoughts, accept them for what they are, which is simply part of being human. It's part of the human experience. And then from this place of awareness, we can decide how we're going to respond. So Yellam reminds us that we can't escape responsibility for our lives. We may not control our circumstances, but we do control, or we do have control over how we react to them, and in that control, that's where we find our freedom. So next time you feel triggered, which you will, because we all do. We all get triggered. Next time you feel triggered or frustrated or anxious, remember this, that initial thought or feeling is not your fault and you have no control over that. It's your brain doing its thing and what you do with it that's on you. That's the moment of choice, and it's really hard, but take on the challenge. I have been working on this for years, both personally in my own life and also with my clients. It's why I love ACT Acceptance Commitment therapy. It's why I love Japanese psychology because they give you the tools to be able to create this space and it makes such a difference to people's lives because it's that choice. If we can find that space, that's where our freedom is, that's where our responsibility is, and then we can choose. So you are not a prisoner of your automatic reactions. You have the ability to respond. You can develop that skill. So I think the best place to start is to practice being aware, aware of your automatic reactions to things, even the just the small data day stuff like how do you react when you're driving and you've got you're in a hurry and you've got a slow driver in front of you, Or how do you react to, you know, somebody giving you a funny look? Like every single day we are reacting to our circumstances and just start to notice it, because that's when you start to notice it, that's when you increase that self awareness, and self awareness is critical for any change. So I hope you got value out of that, and I hope you also have a really great week and I will catch you next week. See yup.

Hi, everyone, Carlie Taylor here for this speaks Mojoe Monday. I actually have a Rhodesion ridgeback. She's around fifty five kilos. She's a really big girl, and she's lying on the floor snoring, So I don't know if it is going to come through, but I've decided I'm not going to move her because she's quite peacefully asleep. So today I am going to talk about responsibility for our choices. And I've been just started reading a book called Existential Psychotherapy by Ervan Yellham. It's a very thick book, but I'm super super excited about it, so I will no doubt be sharing some of the stuff I'm learning from that book. But I also want to bring a perspective in around responsibility, which is inspired by Jean Praul Satra, who is the existential fuller who believe that we are all radically free and as a result, responsible for how we live our lives. And I did talk about some of his stuff in a previous No Joe Monday episode if you want to go back and listen to that. But what he is saying it doesn't mean that we have control over everything, because of course we don't. And we certainly know that there are people suffering due to circumstances beyond their control. But we do have a freedom within these boundaries of whatever our circumstances are. And psychotherapist Urvan Yellam builds on this and he emphasizes that while we are shaped by our past, we are ultimately responsible for what we do with it and our attitude towards it, and our freedom to choose our response. That's where this true personal power lies. And here's something really important to understand. You are not respond for your automatic thoughts and emotions. So I'm going to say that again. You are not responsible for the thoughts that pop into your head or the emotions that turn up in response to a situation. And there's a good reason for that. And I want to really stress this because so many people want to change how they feel or what they think. And of course this is a natural response to really uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that can easily take over. And actually, I'll let you in on one of my automatic responses to certain situations. My mind and my body warn me that I won't fit in, that I should say no to things that I should avoid circumstances because it's too risky of you know, there's a high risk of being rejected or failing is too high. And this automatic reaction happens all the time, and it's really frustrating because I have to work hard to ensure that I don't give into it and that it's something, you know, especially if it's something that's really important to me. But here's the thing, we as humans have lost touch with our true nature. This is so important because we are part of nature itself. But we also have these incredible brains or these incredible minds that allow us to think about the past, think about the future, problem solve connect ideas, relate one thing to another. And at the same time, we have these systems running in our body that we can't control because these systems are designed to keep us alive. And the problem is that these stress response systems are responding to dangers that in our modern life are rarely life threatening in the short term anyway, and our limbic system, particularly the amygdala, reacts to these perceived threats before our rational brain, the prefrontal cortex, even has a chance to step in. And that's why I feel anxious before I do a big presentation, or I feel frustrated when something doesn't go in my way, or sometimes I just feel anxious and I don't even know why. That's my brain and body reacting to a perceived threat. So I'm wired to have this automatic reaction. So I may not consciously know why I feel anxious, but it's my mind and my body know. And maybe that's not very helpful, but there is a reason, and it's a protective, natural process based on my past experience, so based on my brain wiring. So if these reactions are automatic, what are you responsible for? Well, you are responsible for how you respond. So let's break down the word respec reponsibility. It's the ability to respond. So that's where our power lies. So you might not choose your initial reaction, that you can choose what happens next. You have a choice. This is where you are free to choose. So do you choose to let your emotions hijack your behavior or do you respond in a way that aligns with the person that you want to be or respond to the needs of the moment. And this is where self awareness comes in. Without awareness, there's no change without awareness, there's no space between something happening and you're responding. You're just running on autopilot, reacting based on how you're feeling or what you're thinking, and it's based on old patterns. But when you develop the ability or the awareness to notice your thoughts and emotions, which is what psychologists call me cognition, you create that crucial space, and in that space you decide what you do, because what's the alternative. Were staying in this rut hoping that we can talk our way out of it, But I think that talking about it should be just the first step to creating awareness. And then as soon as you've developed this level of self awareness of your automatic reactions why you may be reacting like that, then you can decide that it's not going to take over and be your full identity anymore. That you can start to take action based on what's important to you. So Ervin Yellam he emphasizes that taking responsibility it's not about self blame, but about recognizing that, regardless of our past, we have the power to shape our present and future. So he argues that avoiding this responsibility often leads to this existential distress because deep down, deep down, we all do know that we're free to choose, and yet sometimes denying that freedom is out of fear. But denying responsibility doesn't remove it, It only makes us feel more stuck. I hope that makes sense. So how do we create this space? We need to step back from this busyness of life, step back from the constant distractions of technology, and take time out, preferably in nature. Slow down, tap into our five senses, get out of our heads and tap into our sense of sight, sound, smell, touch. And when we do this, we slow down enough to notice how we feel, notice our thoughts, accept them for what they are, which is simply part of being human. It's part of the human experience. And then from this place of awareness, we can decide how we're going to respond. So Yellam reminds us that we can't escape responsibility for our lives. We may not control our circumstances, but we do control, or we do have control over how we react to them, and in that control, that's where we find our freedom. So next time you feel triggered, which you will, because we all do. We all get triggered. Next time you feel triggered or frustrated or anxious, remember this, that initial thought or feeling is not your fault and you have no control over that. It's your brain doing its thing and what you do with it that's on you. That's the moment of choice, and it's really hard, but take on the challenge. I have been working on this for years, both personally in my own life and also with my clients. It's why I love ACT Acceptance Commitment therapy. It's why I love Japanese psychology because they give you the tools to be able to create this space and it makes such a difference to people's lives because it's that choice. If we can find that space, that's where our freedom is, that's where our responsibility is, and then we can choose. So you are not a prisoner of your automatic reactions. You have the ability to respond. You can develop that skill. So I think the best place to start is to practice being aware, aware of your automatic reactions to things, even the just the small data day stuff like how do you react when you're driving and you've got you're in a hurry and you've got a slow driver in front of you, Or how do you react to, you know, somebody giving you a funny look? Like every single day we are reacting to our circumstances and just start to notice it, because that's when you start to notice it, that's when you increase that self awareness, and self awareness is critical for any change. So I hope you got value out of that, and I hope you also have a really great week and I will catch you next week. See yup.