Hi everyone, and welcome to this week's Mojo Monday. I'm Carly Taylor, and today I want to talk about training ourselves to prepare and manage stress. So we all know that if we're not good at something, we need to practice to get better at it. So if you play the piano, you won't progress unless you practice. If you're an athlete, you have to train and practice, and the involves offensive and defensive techniques. So in other words, athletes need to prepare for worst case scenarios and respond to them to avoid defeat. And we can apply this to ourselves and our ability to handle stress. So if you're not good at managing your stress, then you need to practice to get better at it. Not good in social situations, for example, you won't get better at it unless you practice. And in other words, if you're not good at feeling emotionally uncomfortable, which is what stress can bring up, which is discomfort, then to get better at that you need to practice. So this makes sense when you relate it to anxiety. The gold standard treatment for anxiety is exposure therapy, So if we apply that to stress, to get good at handling stress, we need to expose ourselves to it. So I just want to start with a bit of a caveat here. So everything that I'm going to talk about today is based on my personal experience with this. I'm very much a work in progress, and from my fifty four journey through life, I've encountered high periods of stress, and to be honest, I didn't always cope well even with the everyday stress. I struggled compared to how I manage it now and even then, As I said, I'm a work in progress, so I'm far from perfect. But what I have learned is that you have to train yourself to manage stress and navigate these tough emotions that arise when life gets challenging. You cannot expect anything to be fixed or to become a perfect human who allows stress just to slide off your back, but you can train yourselves to manage and handle stress and the emotions more effectively. There is a victim culture that is really rising today, and that's something that scares me because it reflects a lack of responsibility. You have to be responsible for yourself. No one else will take away the stress or the anxiety, or whatever emotional pain that you're feeling. You have to be responsible for yourself and focus on what you can control and work at it. And I know this from personal experience. I've had to really work on myself over the years so that my emotions don't take over my life and dictate always what I do. And of course seeking help from others is really important, but don't expect that there's a magic pill out there. So I want to share what has helped me and continues to do so. So one approach that I use is deliberately putting myself in situations where I experienced controlled discomfort. So this won't surprise you if you know the tailor's It's something our whole family does, and my kids are being raised to embrace discomfort, which is one of the reasons why we actually put them through They competed in martial arts years ago. But again, I'm not implying that my.

Hi everyone, and welcome to this week's Mojo Monday. I'm Carly Taylor, and today I want to talk about training ourselves to prepare and manage stress. So we all know that if we're not good at something, we need to practice to get better at it. So if you play the piano, you won't progress unless you practice. If you're an athlete, you have to train and practice, and the involves offensive and defensive techniques. So in other words, athletes need to prepare for worst case scenarios and respond to them to avoid defeat. And we can apply this to ourselves and our ability to handle stress. So if you're not good at managing your stress, then you need to practice to get better at it. Not good in social situations, for example, you won't get better at it unless you practice. And in other words, if you're not good at feeling emotionally uncomfortable, which is what stress can bring up, which is discomfort, then to get better at that you need to practice. So this makes sense when you relate it to anxiety. The gold standard treatment for anxiety is exposure therapy, So if we apply that to stress, to get good at handling stress, we need to expose ourselves to it. So I just want to start with a bit of a caveat here. So everything that I'm going to talk about today is based on my personal experience with this. I'm very much a work in progress, and from my fifty four journey through life, I've encountered high periods of stress, and to be honest, I didn't always cope well even with the everyday stress. I struggled compared to how I manage it now and even then, As I said, I'm a work in progress, so I'm far from perfect. But what I have learned is that you have to train yourself to manage stress and navigate these tough emotions that arise when life gets challenging. You cannot expect anything to be fixed or to become a perfect human who allows stress just to slide off your back, but you can train yourselves to manage and handle stress and the emotions more effectively. There is a victim culture that is really rising today, and that's something that scares me because it reflects a lack of responsibility. You have to be responsible for yourself. No one else will take away the stress or the anxiety, or whatever emotional pain that you're feeling. You have to be responsible for yourself and focus on what you can control and work at it. And I know this from personal experience. I've had to really work on myself over the years so that my emotions don't take over my life and dictate always what I do. And of course seeking help from others is really important, but don't expect that there's a magic pill out there. So I want to share what has helped me and continues to do so. So one approach that I use is deliberately putting myself in situations where I experienced controlled discomfort. So this won't surprise you if you know the tailor's It's something our whole family does, and my kids are being raised to embrace discomfort, which is one of the reasons why we actually put them through They competed in martial arts years ago. But again, I'm not implying that my.

Kids are perfect.

Kids are perfect.

They are far from perfect, and I'm certainly not implying that they love it. Although my son Oscar will voluntarily get into it ice bath, which always astounds me, but he likes the challenge. But they don't always love it, and really who does when we're talking about discomfort here? But hopefully when they're older, they will see the why behind it and thank us. And as much as I have the urge to, I don't want to always be there to protect them to a point where they don't build a level of resilience. So in order for them to do that, they need to feel discomfort control discomfort, and that can look like many things depending on that age. But one of the reasons that I do this controlled deliberate discomfort is that I know that there are going to be challenging times ahead. They are inevitable because that's just life, and I don't know when they're going to be or what intensity, and I want to.

They are far from perfect, and I'm certainly not implying that they love it. Although my son Oscar will voluntarily get into it ice bath, which always astounds me, but he likes the challenge. But they don't always love it, and really who does when we're talking about discomfort here? But hopefully when they're older, they will see the why behind it and thank us. And as much as I have the urge to, I don't want to always be there to protect them to a point where they don't build a level of resilience. So in order for them to do that, they need to feel discomfort control discomfort, and that can look like many things depending on that age. But one of the reasons that I do this controlled deliberate discomfort is that I know that there are going to be challenging times ahead. They are inevitable because that's just life, and I don't know when they're going to be or what intensity, and I want to.

Be ready though.

Be ready though.

So we had a reality slap in twenty two twenty three when our son was diagnosed with a very rare disease, and all of a sudden, our life, which was going pretty well, took a sharp turn and it was a stressful pivot and it was very intense. But I look back now and I truly believe that this training helped me get through it. I'm proud of how I handled things when I look back during that time, and I really believe that if I hadn't done the work previously, I think it would have been a different story. And I think that's key. You want to look back at your life and to be able to say I did the best I caught in that situation, and I'm proud of the way that I handled it and controlled discomfort training can really help with that.

So we had a reality slap in twenty two twenty three when our son was diagnosed with a very rare disease, and all of a sudden, our life, which was going pretty well, took a sharp turn and it was a stressful pivot and it was very intense. But I look back now and I truly believe that this training helped me get through it. I'm proud of how I handled things when I look back during that time, and I really believe that if I hadn't done the work previously, I think it would have been a different story. And I think that's key. You want to look back at your life and to be able to say I did the best I caught in that situation, and I'm proud of the way that I handled it and controlled discomfort training can really help with that.

So here's a favorite quote of Paul's.

So here's a favorite quote of Paul's.

I love a good quote, but I'm stealing this one today and it is by Epictetis, the Stoic philosopher, and he said, we must undergo a hard winter's training and not rush into things for which we haven't prepared. So this quote really resonates with me because what it does is highlights the necessity of the hard work. It's the only way we can build resilience and inner strength. And this is for everybody. It's not just for the tough guys, but people like me where it doesn't come so easily. And it's about discipline and a willingness to feel a level of discomfort in the service of something greater than staying in your comfort zone or crumbling when things go pear shaped. So let's start with the physical discomfort. So, again, this doesn't come easily for me. It does come easily to Paul he will do it without question. He did write a book called Death by Comfort, so he definitely practices what he preaches. And if you know Paul from hearing him talk or you've been following him for a while, you will not what I'm talking about. And I'm sure many of you out there do embrace the discomfort training, but maybe there are many of you who are more like me where it doesn't come so easily. So this is where I need to work on my mindset and not allow my mind to get in the way. And that is to stop me drag me back into my comfort zone, which if I'm really honest with myself, it's not where I want to be. And so this part of my mind, and notice that I said part of my mind. It's not all of me. It's not all of my mind. It's just part because there's another part of me that really wants to build my inner strength and my resilience and to be able to do this discomfort training. So the other, this part of my mind that we're talking about now, is going to give me every excuse not to put myself through physical discomfort. So I need to take action despite what that part of my mind is telling me. I hope that makes sense. This is why I love the mindset stuff so much so. Marita therapy, acceptance, commitment therapy. It teaches us to do the things that are important to us, despite how we feel or what thoughts we have. If you can get clear on what is deeply important to you, and get clear on the purpose of putting yourself into deliberate discomfort, then you will do it despite the resistance of your mind. Frederic Nietzsche famously said, he who has a why to live can bear almost anyhow So, when I run up a hill, we live at the bottom of a steep hill, and I'm slow, and it's hard, but I'm doing it for a reason, and when I'm done, I feel this great sense of achievement. And of course my mind pipes up halfway through and tells me it's hard, but I push myself and I keep going, and then next time I do it, it's just that little bit easier, so I can push myself even further. Any run that I go on a point in the run when it's hard, and my mind starts piping up with reasons to stop, and all your runners out there will no doubt know what I'm talking about that is what our minds do. There's no point struggling with that, So allow it to pipe up, but just don't give into it. Acknowledge it. Acknowledge the discomfort, and keep going. When you train yourself to sit with the discomfort, you get better at it and then you can take on more. So another physical discomfort, and this won't come as any surprise, are cold showers. So Paul is known as the cold shower Guy. He has had so many people write to him over the years that have attended his talks and who have continued with the cold showers years later, and they've had such a positive impact on so many people's lives. So for me, I don't like the cold and I'll just tell you a quick story. So and in sixteen I was lucky enough to go on a retreat with the man himself, whim Hoff.

I love a good quote, but I'm stealing this one today and it is by Epictetis, the Stoic philosopher, and he said, we must undergo a hard winter's training and not rush into things for which we haven't prepared. So this quote really resonates with me because what it does is highlights the necessity of the hard work. It's the only way we can build resilience and inner strength. And this is for everybody. It's not just for the tough guys, but people like me where it doesn't come so easily. And it's about discipline and a willingness to feel a level of discomfort in the service of something greater than staying in your comfort zone or crumbling when things go pear shaped. So let's start with the physical discomfort. So, again, this doesn't come easily for me. It does come easily to Paul he will do it without question. He did write a book called Death by Comfort, so he definitely practices what he preaches. And if you know Paul from hearing him talk or you've been following him for a while, you will not what I'm talking about. And I'm sure many of you out there do embrace the discomfort training, but maybe there are many of you who are more like me where it doesn't come so easily. So this is where I need to work on my mindset and not allow my mind to get in the way. And that is to stop me drag me back into my comfort zone, which if I'm really honest with myself, it's not where I want to be. And so this part of my mind, and notice that I said part of my mind. It's not all of me. It's not all of my mind. It's just part because there's another part of me that really wants to build my inner strength and my resilience and to be able to do this discomfort training. So the other, this part of my mind that we're talking about now, is going to give me every excuse not to put myself through physical discomfort. So I need to take action despite what that part of my mind is telling me. I hope that makes sense. This is why I love the mindset stuff so much so. Marita therapy, acceptance, commitment therapy. It teaches us to do the things that are important to us, despite how we feel or what thoughts we have. If you can get clear on what is deeply important to you, and get clear on the purpose of putting yourself into deliberate discomfort, then you will do it despite the resistance of your mind. Frederic Nietzsche famously said, he who has a why to live can bear almost anyhow So, when I run up a hill, we live at the bottom of a steep hill, and I'm slow, and it's hard, but I'm doing it for a reason, and when I'm done, I feel this great sense of achievement. And of course my mind pipes up halfway through and tells me it's hard, but I push myself and I keep going, and then next time I do it, it's just that little bit easier, so I can push myself even further. Any run that I go on a point in the run when it's hard, and my mind starts piping up with reasons to stop, and all your runners out there will no doubt know what I'm talking about that is what our minds do. There's no point struggling with that, So allow it to pipe up, but just don't give into it. Acknowledge it. Acknowledge the discomfort, and keep going. When you train yourself to sit with the discomfort, you get better at it and then you can take on more. So another physical discomfort, and this won't come as any surprise, are cold showers. So Paul is known as the cold shower Guy. He has had so many people write to him over the years that have attended his talks and who have continued with the cold showers years later, and they've had such a positive impact on so many people's lives. So for me, I don't like the cold and I'll just tell you a quick story. So and in sixteen I was lucky enough to go on a retreat with the man himself, whim Hoff.

So it was before he became a big name.

So it was before he became a big name.

There were around sixty five people on the retreat and about eight girls, and it was at one of those holiday camps early inlet in Victoria. So they called it a retreat, but it wasn't like a relaxing retreat in that sense. I was way out of my comfort zone even going as I didn't know anyone and I hadn't bunked in a dorm with complete strangers since my backpacking days, and it was for a whole week, and it was in the depths of the Melbourne winter. Anyway, long story short, it was an amazing experience. I spent ten minutes in a two degree ice bath while Wim played his guitar next to it. And I look back on that experience and I said yes to it. It was hard, and my mind went into this protection mode in the first couple of minutes, telling me I can't do this, but I did it anyway.

There were around sixty five people on the retreat and about eight girls, and it was at one of those holiday camps early inlet in Victoria. So they called it a retreat, but it wasn't like a relaxing retreat in that sense. I was way out of my comfort zone even going as I didn't know anyone and I hadn't bunked in a dorm with complete strangers since my backpacking days, and it was for a whole week, and it was in the depths of the Melbourne winter. Anyway, long story short, it was an amazing experience. I spent ten minutes in a two degree ice bath while Wim played his guitar next to it. And I look back on that experience and I said yes to it. It was hard, and my mind went into this protection mode in the first couple of minutes, telling me I can't do this, but I did it anyway.

You can do hard things.

You can do hard things.

You need to be willing to feel a level of discomfort and not give into your overprotective mind. And you decide what that level of discomfort is. If it was on a scale of one to ten, where one is ah, this is easy, no problem at all, and ten is absolutely no way. I'm not doing that. That is so uncomfortable for me. What level are you willing to feel? And the more you do this, the discipline will develop. And it's about the willingness to feel the discomfort. You are choosing it because you're in training, so let's dive a bit deeper into emotional discomfort. So this involves accepting and coexisting with these uncomfortable feelings instead of avoiding them or trying to get rid of them, which is our default. We don't like feeling uncomfortables. You know, last week I talked about bringing stillness into our lives. So often being still and just being with ourselves with no distractions can be very uncomfortable. We live in this world where we are distracted all the time, and it's easy to fill that space with checking social media and checking emails, checking the news, and so it's easy to numb ourselves and not experience the thoughts and the emotions that come up in that moment. So to train my emotional regulation, I intentionally put myself in situations that push me out of my comfort zone and bring up a bit of anxiety or fear, you know, things like public speaking or talking to a stranger or speaking out about something I feel passionate about. What happens is I practice being able to accept and sit with the emotion rather than saying no and avoiding the discomfort that they bring.

You need to be willing to feel a level of discomfort and not give into your overprotective mind. And you decide what that level of discomfort is. If it was on a scale of one to ten, where one is ah, this is easy, no problem at all, and ten is absolutely no way. I'm not doing that. That is so uncomfortable for me. What level are you willing to feel? And the more you do this, the discipline will develop. And it's about the willingness to feel the discomfort. You are choosing it because you're in training, so let's dive a bit deeper into emotional discomfort. So this involves accepting and coexisting with these uncomfortable feelings instead of avoiding them or trying to get rid of them, which is our default. We don't like feeling uncomfortables. You know, last week I talked about bringing stillness into our lives. So often being still and just being with ourselves with no distractions can be very uncomfortable. We live in this world where we are distracted all the time, and it's easy to fill that space with checking social media and checking emails, checking the news, and so it's easy to numb ourselves and not experience the thoughts and the emotions that come up in that moment. So to train my emotional regulation, I intentionally put myself in situations that push me out of my comfort zone and bring up a bit of anxiety or fear, you know, things like public speaking or talking to a stranger or speaking out about something I feel passionate about. What happens is I practice being able to accept and sit with the emotion rather than saying no and avoiding the discomfort that they bring.

And that is how we grow.

And that is how we grow.

So I invite you to think about what you can do on a daily basis to train your discomfort tolerance. My advice is not to wait for the challenges to hit you, because they can hit you like a ton of bricks. So illness, a job loss, stress at work, financial crisis, start training for it now so you can build your resilience to the stress and be able to manage your emotions so you can then turn your attention to what needs to be done in that moment.

So I invite you to think about what you can do on a daily basis to train your discomfort tolerance. My advice is not to wait for the challenges to hit you, because they can hit you like a ton of bricks. So illness, a job loss, stress at work, financial crisis, start training for it now so you can build your resilience to the stress and be able to manage your emotions so you can then turn your attention to what needs to be done in that moment.

Thank you so much for.

Thank you so much for.

Joining me this week, and you will catch Paul on Wednesday and Saturday, and I will catch you next week. Se Ya

Joining me this week, and you will catch Paul on Wednesday and Saturday, and I will catch you next week. Se Ya