Being shunned by a lover, a school or an employer hurts - but we're only just beginning to understand how real this pain is and what steps we can take to administer a bit of emotional first aid to stop the experience scarring us for good.

Dr Laurie Santos talks to leading experts in the science of rejection... and to actor/marine/golfer Tim Colceri about one of the most extreme real life stories of humiliation and dashed hopes you're ever likely to hear.

 Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

Being shunned by a lover, a school or an employer hurts - but we're only just beginning to understand how real this pain is and what steps we can take to administer a bit of emotional first aid to stop the experience scarring us for good.Dr Laurie Santos talks to leading experts in the science of rejection... and to actor/marine/golfer Tim Colceri about one of the most extreme real life stories of humiliation and dashed hopes you're ever likely to hear. Learn more about your ad-choices at <a href="https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com">https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com</a>

You might think you know what it takes to lead a happier life… more money, a better job, or Instagram-worthy vacations. You’re dead wrong. Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos has studied the science of happiness and found that many of us do the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. Based on the psychology course she teaches at Yale -- the most popular class in the university’s 300-year history -- Laurie will take you through the latest scientific research and share some surprising and inspiring stories that will change the way you think about happiness.

You might think you know what it takes to lead a happier life… more money, a better job, or Instagram-worthy vacations. You’re dead wrong. Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos has studied the science of happiness and found that many of us do the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. Based on the psychology course she teaches at Yale -- the most popular class in the university’s 300-year history -- Laurie will take you through the latest scientific research and share some surprising and inspiring stories that will change the way you think about happiness.

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Treating the Pain of a Broken Heart

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/be740b8b-8edb-4ee9-b7dd-ae32007389f3/transcript

Breaking bad habits often feels like a test of willpower. We tell ourselves we’ll stop scrolling, eat better, or exercise more — and then fall right back into the same routines. So why is lasting change so hard?

As part of our spring cleaning series, we’re revisiting a powerful episode from The Happiness Lab archives that reveals a surprising truth about behavior change: it’s not about willpower at all. Dr. Laurie Santos sits down with psychologist Wendy Wood to explore what the science of habits really says about why we get stuck — and how we can finally change.

Along the way, we hear the remarkable story of American soldiers in Vietnam who abruptly overcame heroin addiction after returning home, offering a powerful clue about how habits really work. If you’re looking to break a bad habit or build a better one, this episode shows how small changes to your environment can make lasting change feel almost automatic.

Experts Mentioned:
Wendy Wood, Provost Professor of Psychology and Business, University of Southern California.
Dr. Richard Ratner, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Health, George Washington School of Medicine and Health Sciences

Resources Mentioned:
Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick, by Wendy Wood (2019)
“How Do People Adhere to Goals When Willpower Is Low? The Profits (and Pitfalls) of Strong Habits,” by David T. Neal, Wendy Wood, and Aimee Drolet (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2013)
“The Pull of the Past: When Do Habits Persist Despite Conflict with Motives?,” by David T. Neal, Wendy Wood, Mengju Wu, and David Kurlander (Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2011)
“Ironic Processes of Mental Control,” by Daniel M. Wegner (Psychological Review, 1994)
“How Permanent Was Vietnam Drug Addiction?,” by Lee N. Robins, Darlene H. Davis, and David N. Nurco (American Journal of Public Health, 1974)
CBS News Lottery Draft 1969 (Archival Footage)
"G.I. Heroin Addiction Epidemic in Vietnam" (The New York Times, 1971)
G.I. Junkie (Documentary, 1971)

Related Episodes:
"A New Hope"
"You Can Change"
"Happiness Lessons of the Ancients: Sikhism and Daily Habits"

Breaking bad habits often feels like a test of willpower. We tell ourselves we&rsquo;ll stop scrolling, eat better, or exercise more &mdash; and then fall right back into the same routines. So why is lasting change so hard?
As part of our spring cleaning series, we&rsquo;re revisiting a powerful episode from The Happiness Lab archives that reveals a surprising truth about behavior change: it&rsquo;s not about willpower at all. Dr. Laurie Santos sits down with psychologist <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=ljLqYGEAAAAJ&amp;hl=en">Wendy Wood</a> to explore what the science of habits really says about why we get stuck &mdash; and how we can finally change.
Along the way, we hear the remarkable story of American soldiers in Vietnam who abruptly overcame heroin addiction after returning home, offering a powerful clue about how habits really work. If you&rsquo;re looking to break a bad habit or build a better one, this episode shows how small changes to your environment can make lasting change feel almost automatic.
Experts Mentioned:
<ul>
<li><a href="https://dornsife.usc.edu/wendy-wood/">Wendy Wood</a>, Provost Professor of Psychology and Business, University of Southern California.</li>
<li><a href="https://faculty.smhs.gwu.edu/richard-albert-ratner">Dr. Richard Ratner</a>, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Health, George Washington School of Medicine and Health Sciences</li>
</ul>
Resources Mentioned:
<ul>
<li><a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/good-habits-bad-habits/id1455846455">Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick</a>, by Wendy Wood (2019)</li>
<li>&ldquo;<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2013-18890-001">How Do People Adhere to Goals When Willpower Is Low? The Profits (and Pitfalls) of Strong Habits</a>,&rdquo; by David T. Neal, Wendy Wood, and Aimee Drolet (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2013)</li>
<li>&ldquo;<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0146167211419863">The Pull of the Past: When Do Habits Persist Despite Conflict with Motives?</a>,&rdquo; by David T. Neal, Wendy Wood, Mengju Wu, and David Kurlander (Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2011)</li>
<li>&ldquo;<a href="https://dtg.sites.fas.harvard.edu/DANWEGNER/pub/Wegner%20Ironic%20Processes%201994.pdf">Ironic Processes of Mental Control</a>,&rdquo; by Daniel M. Wegner (Psychological Review, 1994)</li>
<li>&ldquo;<a href="https://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/pdf/10.2105/AJPH.64.12_Suppl.38">How Permanent Was Vietnam Drug Addiction?</a>,&rdquo; by Lee N. Robins, Darlene H. Davis, and David N. Nurco (American Journal of Public Health, 1974)</li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-p5X1FjyD_g">CBS News Lottery Draft 1969</a> (Archival Footage)</li>
<li><a href="https://timesmachine.nytimes.com/timesmachine/1971/05/16/issue.html">"G.I. Heroin Addiction Epidemic in Vietnam"</a> (The New York Times, 1971)</li>
<li><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5860066/">G.I. Junkie</a> (Documentary, 1971)</li>
</ul>
Related Episodes:
<ul>
<li>"<a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-new-hope/id1474245040?i=1000461663335">A New Hope</a>"</li>
<li>"<a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/you-can-change/id1474245040?i=1000449594792">You Can Change</a>"</li>
<li>"<a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/happiness-lessons-of-the-ancients-sikhism-and-daily-habits/id1474245040?i=1000605762631">Happiness Lessons of the Ancients: Sikhism and Daily Habits</a>"</li>
</ul>

How to Break Up with Your Bad Habits

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/891105ad-e382-4f28-82fe-b428014d0d53/transcript

Forgiveness might sound simple, but it's hard to let go of the anger that comes with being deeply hurt. Grudges, bitterness, and frustration with life’s unfairness can quietly build up over time and take a real toll on our mental and physical health.

As The Happiness Lab kicks off a new season on spring cleaning your wellbeing, Dr. Laurie sits down with psychologist Dr. Fred Luskin, director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, to explore what research says about forgiveness. Why is letting go of resentment so much harder than it sounds? And what does it really mean to forgive someone?

Plus, we revisit a powerful story from the archives that shows what forgiveness can look like in the face of profound loss and why it might be the most radical act of self-care we can take.

Experts Referenced:
Dr. Fred Luskin, psychologist and director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects
Miroslav Volf, Professor of Theology at Yale Divinity School and founder of the Yale Center for Faith & Culture
Katy Milkman, Professor at The Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania

Resources Mentioned: 
"Put Your Imperfections Behind You: Temporal Landmarks Spur Goal Initiation When They Signal New Beginnings," by Hengchen Dai, Katherine L. Milkman, and Jason Riis (Psychological Science, 2015)
Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness, by Fred Luskin (2002)
“Effects of a Group Forgiveness Intervention on Forgiveness, Perceived Stress, and Trait-Anger” by Alex H. S. Harris, Frederic Luskin, Sonya B. Norman, Sam Standard, Jennifer Bruning, Stephanie Evans, and Carl E. Thoresen (Journal of Clinical Psychology, 2006)
“Forgiveness and Conflict Resolution in Marriage” by Frank D. Fincham, Steven R. H. Beach, and Joanne Davila (Journal of Family Psychology, 2004)
Free of Charge: Giving and Forgiving in a Culture Stripped of Grace, by Miroslav Volf (2006)

Related Episodes:
"Happiness Lessons of the Ancients: Forgiveness" (The Happiness Lab, 2021)
"A New Hope" (The Happiness Lab, 2020)

Forgiveness might sound simple, but it's hard to let go of the anger that comes with being deeply hurt. Grudges, bitterness, and frustration with life&rsquo;s unfairness can quietly build up over time and take a real toll on our mental and physical health.
As&nbsp;The Happiness Lab&nbsp;kicks off a new season on spring cleaning your wellbeing, Dr. Laurie sits down with psychologist&nbsp;<a href="https://fredluskin.com/">Dr. Fred Luskin</a>, director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, to explore what research says about forgiveness. Why is letting go of resentment so much harder than it sounds? And what does it really mean to forgive someone?
Plus, we revisit a powerful story from the archives that shows what forgiveness can look like in the face of profound loss and why it might be the most radical act of self-care we can take.
Experts Referenced:
<ul>
<li><a href="https://fredluskin.com/">Dr. Fred Luskin</a>, psychologist and director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects</li>
<li><a href="https://faith.yale.edu/people/miroslav-volf">Miroslav Volf</a>, Professor of Theology at Yale Divinity School and founder of the Yale Center for Faith &amp; Culture</li>
<li><a href="https://www.katymilkman.com/">Katy Milkman</a>, Professor at The Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania</li>
</ul>
Resources Mentioned:&nbsp;
<ul>
<li><a href="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5353b838e4b0e68461b517cf/t/5730b8c9b654f9062918926d/1462810825925/2015_PsychSci.pdf">"Put Your Imperfections Behind You: Temporal Landmarks Spur Goal Initiation When They Signal New Beginnings,"</a> by Hengchen Dai, Katherine L. Milkman, and Jason Riis (Psychological Science, 2015)</li>
<li><a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/forgive-for-good/id375777158">Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness</a>, by Fred Luskin (2002)</li>
<li><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/jclp.20264?casa_token=53OSnTqdfNAAAAAA:cXUVsGqp0FeXO5fwNB_hLt0CGNrpCCEmeOhl6HsNvy_NEkAl-P8nipdvxeL7rovPEQjm9TsZefzU0K5k">&ldquo;Effects of a Group Forgiveness Intervention on Forgiveness, Perceived Stress, and Trait-Anger&rdquo;</a> by Alex H. S. Harris, Frederic Luskin, Sonya B. Norman, Sam Standard, Jennifer Bruning, Stephanie Evans, and Carl E. Thoresen (Journal of Clinical Psychology, 2006)</li>
<li><a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14992611/">&ldquo;Forgiveness and Conflict Resolution in Marriage&rdquo;</a> by Frank D. Fincham, Steven R. H. Beach, and Joanne Davila (Journal of Family Psychology, 2004)</li>
<li><a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/free-of-charge/id6463031164">Free of Charge: Giving and Forgiving in a Culture Stripped of Grace</a>, by Miroslav Volf (2006)</li>
</ul>
Related Episodes:
<ul>
<li>"<a href="https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/happiness-lessons-of-the-ancients-forgiveness">Happiness Lessons of the Ancients: Forgiveness</a>" (The Happiness Lab, 2021)</li>
<li>"<a href="https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/bonus-a-new-hope">A New Hope</a>" (The Happiness Lab, 2020)</li>
</ul>

Why It Hurts to Hold a Grudge — and How to Let Go with Dr. Fred Luskin

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/06c45291-b743-428e-a0fe-b421010c6b24/transcript

Why is social media so hard to quit? We waste hours scrolling, feel worse when we log off, and still find ourselves going back for more.

Dr. Laurie sits down with Dr. Cass Sunstein, co-author of (00:00:57) Nudge, to explore a new concept from the 2026 World Happiness Report: the “product trap.” Together, they unpack why we keep returning to platforms that make us unhappy — and what it might take to finally break free.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Technopoly: The Surrender of Culture to Technology

Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness

“World Happiness Report 2026”

“The Problem of Social Cost”

“Valuing Facebook”

“The Welfare Effects of Social Media”

“When Product Markets Become Collective Traps: The Case of Social Media”

“Libertarian Paternalism Is Not an Oxymoron”

Why is social media so hard to quit? We waste hours scrolling, feel worse when we log off, and still find ourselves going back for more.
Dr. Laurie sits down with Dr. Cass Sunstein, co-author of (00:00:57) <a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/nudge/id1566099463">Nudge</a>, to explore a new concept from the&nbsp;<a href="https://www.worldhappiness.report/ed/2026/">2026 World Happiness Report</a>: the &ldquo;product trap.&rdquo; Together, they unpack why we keep returning to platforms that make us unhappy &mdash; and what it might take to finally break free.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
<a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/technopoly/id436687800">Technopoly: The Surrender of Culture to Technology</a>
<a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/nudge/id1566099463">Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness</a>
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.worldhappiness.report/">World Happiness Report 2026</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.sfu.ca/~wainwrig/Econ400/coase-socialcost.pdf">The Problem of Social Cost</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/behavioural-public-policy/article/abs/valuing-facebook/1EB05F025CF85D7DACFE795602C26330">Valuing Facebook</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.aeaweb.org/articles?id=10.1257/aer.20190658">The Welfare Effects of Social Media</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.aeaweb.org/articles?id=10.1257/aer.20231468">When Product Markets Become Collective Traps: The Case of Social Media</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://chicagounbound.uchicago.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1184&amp;context=public_law_and_legal_theory">Libertarian Paternalism Is Not an Oxymoron</a>&rdquo;

Why You're Still Using Social Media (Even If You Want to Stop) with Dr. Cass Sunstein

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/593ac43b-479a-4a3e-aeba-b413015cccbe/transcript

Treating the Pain of a Broken Heart

In 1 playlist(s)

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Social links

Follow podcast

Recent clips