Lili Taylor loves her acting career - but the emotional intensity of her work and the constant travel can take its toll. But Lili has found a way to relax and unwind - watching birds. 

As Lili explains in her new book Turning to Birds: The Power and Beauty of Noticing - if we stop to listen to birdsong or pause to watch their busy daily lives - we give ourselves a break from our own stresses.  

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Lili Taylor loves her acting career - but the emotional intensity of her work and the constant travel can take its toll. But Lili has found a way to relax and unwind - watching birds.&nbsp;
As Lili explains in her new book <a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/743576/turning-to-birds-by-lili-taylor/">Turning to Birds:&nbsp;The Power and Beauty of Noticing</a> - if we stop to listen to birdsong or pause to watch their busy daily lives - we give ourselves a break from our own stresses.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<hr>
Get ad-free episodes to The Happiness Lab by subscribing to Pushkin+ on Apple Podcasts or <a href="https://www.pushkin.fm/join-pushkin">Pushkin.fm</a>. Pushkin+ subscribers can access ad-free episodes, full audiobooks, exclusive binges, and bonus content for all Pushkin shows.&nbsp;
Subscribe on Apple: <a href="http://apple.co/pushkin">apple.co/pushkin</a> Subscribe on Pushkin:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.pushkin.fm/join-pushkin">pushkin.fm/plus</a>

You might think you know what it takes to lead a happier life… more money, a better job, or Instagram-worthy vacations. You’re dead wrong. Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos has studied the science of happiness and found that many of us do the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. Based on the psychology course she teaches at Yale -- the most popular class in the university’s 300-year history -- Laurie will take you through the latest scientific research and share some surprising and inspiring stories that will change the way you think about happiness.

You might think you know what it takes to lead a happier life… more money, a better job, or Instagram-worthy vacations. You’re dead wrong. Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos has studied the science of happiness and found that many of us do the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. Based on the psychology course she teaches at Yale -- the most popular class in the university’s 300-year history -- Laurie will take you through the latest scientific research and share some surprising and inspiring stories that will change the way you think about happiness.

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

"Birds Are Like My Afternoon Martini" (Birding with  Lili Taylor)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/f714e154-55f0-4dc0-9020-b2ff00b970c9/transcript

Modern dating can feel like a marketplace. We’re told we all have a “mate value,” that some people are 9s and 10s, and that the laws of evolution determine who gets chosen — and who gets rejected. But what if we’ve misunderstood what evolutionary science actually says about love?

Dr. Laurie sits down with social psychologist Dr. Paul Eastwick, author of Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection, to challenge some of the most pervasive myths about attraction and compatibility. Do dating app algorithms actually know who's right for you? Are we really all placed in different "leagues"? If you’ve ever wondered whether love is destiny, biology, or something you can actually create, Dr. Eastwick offers a surprising new perspective.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection

“The Pairing Game: A Classroom Demonstration of the Matching Phenomenon”

“Matching for Attractiveness in Romantic Partners and Same-Sex Friends: A Meta-Analysis and Theoretical Critique”

“The Social Relations Model”

“Once More: Is Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder? Relative contributions of private and shared taste to judgments of facial attractiveness”

“Sex Differences in Mate Preferences Revisited: Do People Know What They Initially Desire in a Romantic Partner?”

“Northwestern Speed-dating Study I”

“Northwestern Speed-dating Study II”

“The (Mental) Ties That Bind: Cognitive Structures That Predict Relationship Resilience”

“We’re Not That Choosy: Emerging Evidence of a Progression Bias in Romantic Relationships”

“Romantic Relationship Status Biases Memory of Faces of Attractive Opposite-Sex Others: Evidence from a Reverse-Correlation Paradigm”

“Relationship Regulation in the Face of Eye Candy: a Motivated Cognition Framework for Understanding Responses to Attractive Alternatives”

“Perceived, not actual, similarity predicts initial attraction in a live romantic context: Evidence from the speed-dating paradigm”

“Is Romantic Desire Predictable? Machine Learning Applied to Initial Romantic Attraction”

“Love Factually”

Modern dating can feel like a marketplace. We&rsquo;re told we all have a &ldquo;mate value,&rdquo; that some people are 9s and 10s, and that the laws of evolution determine who gets chosen &mdash; and who gets rejected. But what if we&rsquo;ve misunderstood what evolutionary science actually says about love?
Dr. Laurie sits down with social psychologist Dr. Paul Eastwick, author of&nbsp;<a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/fr/podcast/bonded-by-evolution-how-attraction-really-works-paul/id1553279283?i=1000750432909&amp;l=en-GB">Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection</a>, to challenge some of the most pervasive myths about attraction and compatibility. Do dating app algorithms actually know who's right for you? Are we really all placed in different "leagues"? If you&rsquo;ve ever wondered whether love is destiny, biology, or something you can actually create, Dr. Eastwick offers a surprising new&nbsp;perspective.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
<a href="https://books.apple.com/us/audiobook/bonded-by-evolution-the-new-science-of-love/id1815733977">Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection</a>
&ldquo;<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1999-13804-007">The Pairing Game: A Classroom Demonstration of the Matching Phenomenon</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1989-01355-001">Matching for Attractiveness in Romantic Partners and Same-Sex Friends: A Meta-Analysis and Theoretical Critique</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/chapter/bookseries/abs/pii/S0065260108601446">The Social Relations Model</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16634665/">Once More: Is Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder? Relative contributions of private and shared taste to judgments of facial attractiveness</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18211175/">Sex Differences in Mate Preferences Revisited: Do People Know What They Initially Desire in a Romantic Partner?</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://dataverse.unc.edu/dataset.xhtml?persistentId=doi:10.15139/S3/HK7KZQ">Northwestern Speed-dating Study I</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://dataverse.unc.edu/dataset.xhtml?persistentId=doi:10.15139/S3/52MIJO">Northwestern Speed-dating Study II</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1999-15054-010">The (Mental) Ties That Bind: Cognitive Structures That Predict Relationship Resilience</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/10888683211025860">We&rsquo;re Not That Choosy: Emerging Evidence of a Progression Bias in Romantic Relationships</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0010027711001971">Romantic Relationship Status Biases Memory of Faces of Attractive Opposite-Sex Others: Evidence from a Reverse-Correlation Paradigm</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2352250X15000603">Relationship Regulation in the Face of Eye Candy: a Motivated Cognition Framework for Understanding Responses to Attractive Alternatives</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/eli-finkel/documents/InPress_TidwellEastwickFinkel_PersonalRelationships_000.pdf">Perceived, not actual, similarity predicts initial attraction in a live romantic context: Evidence from the speed-dating paradigm</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28853645/">Is Romantic Desire Predictable? Machine Learning Applied to Initial Romantic Attraction</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/love-factually/id1766543146">Love Factually</a>&rdquo;

Why Algorithms Can’t Predict Your Love Life with Dr. Paul Eastwick

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/64f1386c-04d9-4968-8e10-b3f8017fb341/transcript

Modern dating can feel exhausting. On one hand, there’s the seemingly endless swiping that leads to dating app burnout; on the other, there’s what can feel like the insurmountable challenge of meeting someone in real life.

But what if finding love is less about fate — and more about strategy? Dr. Laurie sits down with behavioral scientist and dating coach Tim Molnar, author of Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance, to explore what the research really says about how to meet the right person, build genuine connection, and avoid common dating mistakes.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance

“Receptivity to Sexual Invitations from Strangers of the Opposite Gender”

How to Bounce Back from Life’s Curveballs (with Dr. Maya Shankar)

“Computations of Uncertainty Mediate Acute Stress Responses in Humans”

“Implementation Intentions and Goal Achievement: A Meta-Analysis of Effects and Processes”

 “Forbes Health Survey: 78% Of All Users Report Dating App Burnout”

“Foot-in-the-Door Technique Using a Courtship Request”

“Getting Beyond Small Talk: Study Finds People Enjoy Deep Conversations with Strangers”

“Grammar Is Super Important to Online Dating Sites, So Try to Speak English Good”

“ Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study”

(00:02:17) Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance

Modern dating can feel exhausting. On one hand, there&rsquo;s the seemingly endless swiping that leads to dating app burnout; on the other, there&rsquo;s what can feel like the insurmountable challenge of meeting someone in real life.
But what if finding love is less about fate &mdash; and more about strategy? Dr. Laurie sits down with behavioral scientist and dating coach Tim Molnar, author of&nbsp;<a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/date-smarter-a-strategic-guide-to-navigating-modern-dating/id6748585700">Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance</a>, to explore what the research really says about&nbsp;how to meet the right person, build genuine connection, and avoid common dating mistakes.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
<a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/date-smarter-a-strategic-guide-to-navigating-modern-dating/id6748585700">Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance</a>
&ldquo;<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2010-21508-008">Receptivity to Sexual Invitations from Strangers of the Opposite Gender</a>&rdquo;
<a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-curveballs-with-dr-maya/id1474245040?i=1000743550019">How to Bounce Back from Life&rsquo;s Curveballs (with Dr. Maya Shankar)</a>
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms10996">Computations of Uncertainty Mediate Acute Stress Responses in Humans</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-19538-002">Implementation Intentions and Goal Achievement: A Meta-Analysis of Effects and Processes</a>&rdquo;
&nbsp;&ldquo;<a href="https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-app-fatigue/">Forbes Health Survey: 78% Of All Users Report Dating App Burnout</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19102478/">Foot-in-the-Door Technique Using a Courtship Request</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2021/09/deep-conversations-strangers">Getting Beyond Small Talk: Study Finds People Enjoy Deep Conversations with Strangers</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://www.mic.com/articles/137103/grammar-is-super-important-on-online-dating-sites-so-try-to-speak-english-good">Grammar Is Super Important to Online Dating Sites, So Try to Speak English Good</a>&rdquo;
&ldquo;<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32127048/"> Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study</a>&rdquo;
(00:02:17) <a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/date-smarter-a-strategic-guide-to-navigating-modern-dating/id6748585700">Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance</a>

How to Find "The One": The Science of Dating with Tim Molnar

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/8fd7b8a1-5fdc-4d71-b59e-b3f00181b95f/transcript

Most of us have people in our lives who love us — partners, friends, family — yet many of us still don’t feel as loved as we want to. Why is there such a gap between being loved and feeling loved? And what can we actually do about it?

Dr. Laurie sits down with social psychologists Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis, co-authors of How to Feel Loved, to unpack the science behind this disconnect. They explain why feeling loved so often eludes us — even in close relationships — and share research-backed insights that can help us change the conversation, strengthen our connections, and feel more loved both now and in the relationships we build in the future.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most

"Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community"

"Social Ties and Susceptibility to the Common Cold"

"Toward Understanding Understanding: The Importance of Feeling Understood in Relationships"

"How to Get Through Hard Times: Principals' Listening Buffers Teachers' Stress on Turnover Intention and Promotes Organizational Citizenship Behavior"

How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls

"Self-Expansion Theory: Origins, Current Evidence, and Future Horizons"

"Do Unto Others or Treat Yourself? The Effects of Prosocial and Self-Focused Behavior on Psychological Flourishing"

"Everyday Prosociality in the Workplace: The Reinforcing Benefits of Giving, Getting, and Glimpsing"

"Kindness Counts: Prompting Prosocial Behavior in Preadolescents Boosts Peer Acceptance and Well-Being"

"The Genomic Impact of Kindness to Self vs. Others: A Randomized Controlled Trial"

Most of us have people in our lives who love us &mdash; partners, friends, family &mdash; yet many of us still don&rsquo;t feel as loved as we want to. Why is there such a gap between being loved and feeling loved? And what can we actually do about it?
Dr. Laurie sits down with social psychologists Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis, co-authors of <a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/how-to-feel-loved/id6745731712">How to Feel Loved</a>, to unpack the science behind this disconnect. They explain why feeling loved so often eludes us &mdash; even in close relationships &mdash; and share research-backed insights that can help us change the conversation, strengthen our connections, and feel more loved both now and in the relationships we build in the future.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
<a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/how-to-feel-loved/id6745731712">How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most</a>
"<a href="https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf">Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General&rsquo;s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community</a>"
"<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9200634/">Social Ties and Susceptibility to the Common Cold</a>"
"<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-10961-003">Toward Understanding Understanding: The Importance of Feeling Understood in Relationships</a>"
"<a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9362686/">How to Get Through Hard Times: Principals' Listening Buffers Teachers' Stress on Turnover Intention and Promotes Organizational Citizenship Behavior</a>"
<a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/id1595609149">How to Win Friends and Influence People</a>
<a href="https://books.apple.com/lv/book/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-for-teen-girls/id381853375">How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls</a>
"<a href="https://compass.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/spc3.70082">Self-Expansion Theory: Origins, Current Evidence, and Future Horizons</a>"
"<a href="https://sonjalyubomirsky.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Nelson-Layous-Cole-Lyubomirsky-2016.pdf">Do Unto Others or Treat Yourself? The Effects of Prosocial and Self-Focused Behavior on Psychological Flourishing</a>"
"<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28581323/">Everyday Prosociality in the Workplace: The Reinforcing Benefits of Giving, Getting, and Glimpsing</a>"
"<a href="https://sonjalyubomirsky.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Layous-et-al.-2012.pdf">Kindness Counts: Prompting Prosocial Behavior in Preadolescents Boosts Peer Acceptance and Well-Being</a>"
"<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35905861/">The Genomic Impact of Kindness to Self vs. Others: A Randomized Controlled Trial</a>"

How to Feel Truly Loved (with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/e530741d-3631-4bb3-8982-b3e90147e693/transcript

"Birds Are Like My Afternoon Martini" (Birding with Lili Taylor)

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