In this episode of Lovers, therapist Keir Gaines shares a personal and professional reflection on how resentment builds when men are taught to silence their emotional truth.

Keir opens up about a pivotal moment in his own relationship, when he realized that his partner’s tone was hurting his feelings, and that his fear of naming it, out of concern that he would sound “effeminate” or not man enough, was quietly turning into resentment. What started as self-protection slowly became emotional distance, until he reached a breaking point where honesty felt less risky than staying silent.

Together, we unpack how masculinity norms shape emotional expression, why unspoken hurt often masquerades as resentment, and how learning to articulate emotional impact can transform intimacy rather than threaten it. This conversation explores the cost of swallowing feelings, the courage it takes to speak before resentment hardens, and what becomes possible when men allow themselves to be emotionally legible in their relationships.

This episode isn’t about blame or tone-policing. It’s about emotional responsibility, relational repair, and the freedom that comes from finally saying the thing you were afraid would make you sound weak. 

If you wished this episode is longer and you could hear more about Kier Gaines

Is My Relationship Healthy Quiz
https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/the-relationship-check-in 

Follow Kier Gaines
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines 

TikTok → https://www.tiktok.com/@kiergaines 

Twitter/X → https://twitter.com/kiergaines 

YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@KierandNoemie 

Official Website → https://www.kiergaines.com 

Course Words That Connect → https://kier-gaines.mykajabi.com/wordsthatconnect

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