How do we fix our desire for relationships with people that will inevitably become broken. And how do we stop ourselves from aligning healthy with boring? That’s what we’re talking about on this episode of Lovers and Friends. 

Attraction, whether emotional, physical, or psychological, is a complex process. It can be influenced by numerous factors, from biology to personal history. If someone finds themselves repeatedly attracted to individuals with certain undesirable characteristics (like the makeup of a fuckboy: charismatic but not reliable, fun to be around but not fun to be apart from because communication is not stable or when out of sight they’re unpredictable, they make big plans but don’t consistently make the small actions to move towards that goal especially when it comes to you, etc…), understanding the underlying causes and taking conscious steps to modify patterns of attraction can be beneficial. Here's a scientific, step-by-step approach:

Self-awareness and reflection 
Next, Examine past patterns
Understand the biology
Cognitive-behavioral techniques 
Increase self-worth
Expand your social circle
Educate yourself
Avoid idealization
practice mindfulness

Follow Leah Lamarr
https://www.instagram.com/leahlamarr
https://sociatap.com/leahlamarr/


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Extras in this episodeThe Art of Manipulation: Influence Human Behavior, Understand the Psychology of Manipulation, Effectively Manage People, and Get What You (Really) Want! Follow Shan:

http://instagram.com/shanboody
http://tiktok.com/shanboody

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSE2Lr9RfYXiFtiX1jk5qng

<div>How do we fix our desire for relationships with people that will inevitably become broken. And how do we stop ourselves from aligning healthy with boring? That’s what we’re talking about on this episode of Lovers and Friends.  Attraction, whether emotional, physical, or psychological, is a complex process. It can be influenced by numerous factors, from biology to personal history. If someone finds themselves repeatedly attracted to individuals with certain undesirable characteristics (like the makeup of a fuckboy: charismatic but not reliable, fun to be around but not fun to be apart from because communication is not stable or when out of sight they’re unpredictable, they make big plans but don’t consistently make the small actions to move towards that goal especially when it comes to you, etc…), understanding the underlying causes and taking conscious steps to modify patterns of attraction can be beneficial. Here's a scientific, step-by-step approach: Self-awareness and reflection  Next, Examine past patterns Understand the biology Cognitive-behavioral techniques  Increase self-worth Expand your social circle Educate yourself Avoid idealization practice mindfulness Follow Leah Lamarr <a href="https://www.instagram.com/leahlamarr">https://www.instagram.com/leahlamarr</a> <a href="https://sociatap.com/leahlamarr/">https://sociatap.com/leahlamarr/</a>  Show Love to Our Sponsors Zoc Doc Go to <a href="http://Zocdoc.com/LOVERS">Zocdoc.com/LOVERS</a> and download the Zocdoc app for FREE Hello Fresh Go to <a href="http://hellofresh.com/50lovers">http://HelloFresh.com/50lovers</a> and use code 50lovers for 50% off plus free shipping Skims Try The Cotton collection and more are available now at <a href="http://skims.com/">http://SKIMS.com</a> Plus, get free shipping on orders over seventy five dollars!  Extras in this episode
</div><h1>The Art of Manipulation: Influence Human Behavior, Understand the Psychology of Manipulation, Effectively Manage People, and Get What You (Really) Want! </h1><div>
Follow Shan: <a href="http://instagram.com/shanboody">http://instagram.com/shanboody</a> <a href="http://tiktok.com/shanboody">http://tiktok.com/shanboody</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSE2Lr9RfYXiFtiX1jk5qng"> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSE2Lr9RfYXiFtiX1jk5qng </a> </div>

Lovers by Shan is an education-first space where listeners come to better understand their own intimate lives through the life lessons and expertise of others. Shan Boodram’s mission is to empower everyone to be their own intimacy expert in the bedroom and beyond by treating guests of the podcast as educators in their own right.

Past guest include Kelly Rowland who taught us about being a sensualist. Becky G who shared the importance of healthy love in an unhealthy body. Kerry Washington who warned about the dangers of keeping secrets. Kamie Crawford who taught us about the joys of breaking up. Jesse Reyez who reminded us that it's alright to admit you're the one who let a good one get away.

When we paused in 2023 we had 5.1 million listeners and 8 million YouTube views. Excited to see how many lives we can impact in 2025 with our fresh look and approach.

Sales and Distribution by Lemonada Media https://lemonadamedia.com/  

Lovers by Shan is an education-first space where listeners come to better understand their own intimate lives through the life lessons and expertise of others. Shan Boodram&rsquo;s mission is to empower everyone to be their own intimacy expert in the bedroom and beyond by treating guests of the podcast as educators in their own right. Past guest include Kelly Rowland who taught us about being a sensualist. Becky G who shared the importance of healthy love in an unhealthy body. Kerry Washington who warned about the dangers of keeping secrets. Kamie Crawford who taught us about the joys of breaking up. Jesse Reyez who reminded us that it's alright to admit you're the one who let a good one get away. When we paused in 2023 we had 5.1 million listeners and 8 million YouTube views. Excited to see how many lives we can impact in 2025 with our fresh look and approach.
Sales and Distribution by Lemonada Media <a href="https://lemonadamedia.com/" data-stringify-link="https://lemonadamedia.com/" data-sk="tooltip_parent">https://lemonadamedia.com/</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;

LOVERS by shan

How I Stopped Searching for Love in Lost People feat. Leah Lamarr

In this episode of Lovers, Higher Learning host and former Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay shares the deeply personal story of what it was like to experience intimacy both sexually and emotionally for the first time after divorce.

After nearly a decade of being with only one partner, that she met while being the Bachelorette, Rachel walks us through the fears, emotions, and expectations she carried into that moment, from questions of safety and vulnerability to the quiet pressure of “doing it right” after such a long chapter had closed. She reflects on what that experience taught her about trust, desire, and emotional presence, and how those lessons reshaped her understanding of intimacy moving forward.

Though she isn’t with the person from that first post-divorce experience, Rachel shares why she remains grateful for what it revealed about her needs, her boundaries, and her capacity for connection. She also opens up about how those insights are influencing the relationship she’s in today, offering a grounded, honest look at what intimacy can become after loss, change, and reinvention.

This conversation isn’t about sex for shock value. It’s about safety, growth, and learning how to meet yourself again after everything you thought you knew about love has shifted.



———
Follow Rachel Lindsay
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/therachlindsay/ 

YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@HigherLearning 

Podcast — Higher Learning with Van Lathan & Rachel Lindsay → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/higher-learning-with-van-lathan-and-rachel-lindsay/id1515152489 

Official Website → https://www.rachellindsayofficial.com/ 

Rachel’s Book — Miss Me With That: Hot Takes, Helpful Tidbits, And A Few Hard Truths → https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57895042-miss-me-with-that?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=vFiuBJ3vpY&rank=1 

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

In this episode of Lovers, Higher Learning host and former Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay shares the deeply personal story of what it was like to experience intimacy both sexually and emotionally for the first time after divorce.
After nearly a decade of being with only one partner, that she met while being the Bachelorette, Rachel walks us through the fears, emotions, and expectations she carried into that moment, from questions of safety and vulnerability to the quiet pressure of &ldquo;doing it right&rdquo; after such a long chapter had closed. She reflects on what that experience taught her about trust, desire, and emotional presence, and how those lessons reshaped her understanding of intimacy moving forward.
Though she isn&rsquo;t with the person from that first post-divorce experience, Rachel shares why she remains grateful for what it revealed about her needs, her boundaries, and her capacity for connection. She also opens up about how those insights are influencing the relationship she&rsquo;s in today, offering a grounded, honest look at what intimacy can become after loss, change, and reinvention.
This conversation isn&rsquo;t about sex for shock value. It&rsquo;s about safety, growth, and learning how to meet yourself again after everything you thought you knew about love has shifted. 
&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; Follow Rachel Lindsay Instagram &rarr; <a href="https://www.instagram.com/therachlindsay/">https://www.instagram.com/therachlindsay/</a>&nbsp;
YouTube &rarr; <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@HigherLearning">https://www.youtube.com/@HigherLearning</a>&nbsp;
Podcast &mdash; Higher Learning with Van Lathan &amp; Rachel Lindsay &rarr; <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/higher-learning-with-van-lathan-and-rachel-lindsay/id1515152489">https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/higher-learning-with-van-lathan-and-rachel-lindsay/id1515152489</a>&nbsp;
Official Website &rarr; <a href="https://www.rachellindsayofficial.com/">https://www.rachellindsayofficial.com/</a>&nbsp;
Rachel&rsquo;s Book &mdash; Miss Me With That: Hot Takes, Helpful Tidbits, And A Few Hard Truths &rarr; <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57895042-miss-me-with-that?from_search=true&amp;from_srp=true&amp;qid=vFiuBJ3vpY&amp;rank=1">https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57895042-miss-me-with-that?from_search=true&amp;from_srp=true&amp;qid=vFiuBJ3vpY&amp;rank=1</a>&nbsp;
Want more Lover? Receive the weekly Love Letter &rarr; <a href="http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter">http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter </a>Join the Lovers Community &rarr; <a href="https://www.loversbyshan.com/community">https://www.loversbyshan.com/community </a>Explore quizzes and worksheets &rarr; <a href="http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes">http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes</a>

Rachel Lindsay’s Shocking Discovery About Intimacy After Divorce

In this episode of Lovers, I’m joined by my husband Jared Brady to tell the story of the exact day we decided to call our relationship an open relationship.

Want to take the Relationship Style quiz I mentioned in the episode? Click HERE
https://www.loversbyshan.com/quizzes

In this episode, Shan Boodram and Jared Brady share intimate details from the early days of their relationship that led to them choosing to label their love as an open relationship.

If your first reaction to “open relationship” is “so… cheating?” you’re not alone, and this conversation is also for you.

Cheating isn’t about a specific behavior, it’s about breaking the rules of the relationship you agreed to play by, which is why it’s important to clearly define YOUR rules together. 

This episode explores why people seek structured relationships even without exclusivity, what commitment actually looks like when it isn’t defined by romantic restriction, and how accountability, emotional safety, partnership, and love can exist outside traditional scripts.

This isn’t an episode about convincing anyone to open their relationship. It’s about clarity, consent, and understanding why the rules matter more than the label.



MasterClass
Have you taken my MasterClass yet? New subscribers get access to my class and hundreds of others starting at $10 per month. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at masterclass.com/lovers.

Follow Jared
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady
YouTube →https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKVWwEy39GLNzKXXt9v46TA



Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

In this episode of Lovers, I&rsquo;m joined by my husband Jared Brady to tell the story of the exact day we decided to call our relationship an open relationship.
Want to take the Relationship Style quiz I mentioned in the episode? Click HERE https://www.loversbyshan.com/quizzes
In this episode, Shan Boodram and Jared Brady share intimate details from the early days of their relationship that led to them choosing to label their love as an open relationship.
If your first reaction to &ldquo;open relationship&rdquo; is &ldquo;so&hellip; cheating?&rdquo; you&rsquo;re not alone, and this conversation is also for you.
Cheating isn&rsquo;t about a specific behavior, it&rsquo;s about breaking the rules of the relationship you agreed to play by, which is why it&rsquo;s important to clearly define YOUR rules together.&nbsp;
This episode explores why people seek structured relationships even without exclusivity, what commitment actually looks like when it isn&rsquo;t defined by romantic restriction, and how accountability, emotional safety, partnership, and love can exist outside traditional scripts.
This isn&rsquo;t an episode about convincing anyone to open their relationship. It&rsquo;s about clarity, consent, and understanding why the rules matter more than the label. 
MasterClass Have you taken my MasterClass yet? New subscribers get access to my class and hundreds of others starting at $10 per month. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at <a href="http://masterclass.com/lovers">masterclass.com/lovers</a>.
Follow Jared Instagram &rarr; https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady YouTube &rarr;<a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo-SwvkGbQgDt3oXfASPPJQ?utm_source=chatgpt.com"> </a>https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKVWwEy39GLNzKXXt9v46TA 
Want more Lover? Receive the weekly Love Letter &rarr; <a href="http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter">http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter </a>Join the Lovers Community &rarr; <a href="https://www.loversbyshan.com/community">https://www.loversbyshan.com/community </a>Explore quizzes and worksheets &rarr; <a href="http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes">http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes</a>

The Real Reason We Started an Open Relationship

Conflict is inevitable in long-term relationships. Damage doesn’t have to be.

In this episode, we explore what actually separates fights that bring couples closer from fights that quietly turn lovers into enemies. We talk about the moment arguments go sideways, why so many conflicts feel bigger than the issue at hand, and how couples can stay on the same team even when they fundamentally disagree.

Our guest, Touré Neblett, draws on decades of navigating high-stakes, contentious conversations both publicly and privately to share what he’s learned about emotional regulation, repair, and conflict inside a long-term marriage. This conversation focuses on how disagreement can exist without contempt, and how learning to fight differently can fundamentally change the trajectory of a relationship.

Follow Touré
Website → https://toure.com Toure
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/toureshow/ Instagram
YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo-SwvkGbQgDt3oXfASPPJQ youtube.com
Podcast → Touré Show (Apple/Spotify) 
 Books → Who’s Afraid of Post-Blackness? What It Means to Be Black Now; I Would Die 4 U: Why Prince Became an Icon; Soul City; Never Drank the Kool-Aid; The Portable Promised Land; Nothing Compares 2 U (available on Amazon and major booksellers)

Want more Lover?
 Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

<div>Conflict is inevitable in long-term relationships. Damage doesn’t have to be. In this episode, we explore what actually separates fights that bring couples closer from fights that quietly turn lovers into enemies. We talk about the moment arguments go sideways, why so many conflicts feel bigger than the issue at hand, and how couples can stay on the same team even when they fundamentally disagree. Our guest, Touré Neblett, draws on decades of navigating high-stakes, contentious conversations both publicly and privately to share what he’s learned about emotional regulation, repair, and conflict inside a long-term marriage. This conversation focuses on how disagreement can exist without contempt, and how learning to fight differently can fundamentally change the trajectory of a relationship. Follow Touré Website →<a href="https://toure.com/?utm_source=chatgpt.com"> https://toure.com Toure </a>Instagram → <a href="https://www.instagram.com/toureshow/">https://www.instagram.com/toureshow/</a><a href="https://www.instagram.com/toureshow/?hl=en&amp;utm_source=chatgpt.com"> Instagram </a>YouTube →<a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo-SwvkGbQgDt3oXfASPPJQ?utm_source=chatgpt.com"> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo-SwvkGbQgDt3oXfASPPJQ </a><a href="http://youtube.com/">youtube.com </a>Podcast → Touré Show (Apple/Spotify) Books → Who’s Afraid of Post-Blackness? What It Means to Be Black Now; I Would Die 4 U: Why Prince Became an Icon; Soul City; Never Drank the Kool-Aid; The Portable Promised Land; Nothing Compares 2 U (available on Amazon and major booksellers) Want more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → <a href="http://loversbyshan.com/">http://loversbyshan.com </a>Receive the weekly Love Letter → <a href="http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter">http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter </a>Join the Lovers Community → <a href="https://www.loversbyshan.com/community">https://www.loversbyshan.com/community </a>Explore quizzes and worksheets → <a href="http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes">http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes</a>
</div>

How I Stopped Searching for Love in Lost People feat. Leah Lamarr

The Art of Manipulation: Influence Human Behavior, Understand the Psychology of Manipulation, Effectively Manage People, and Get What You (Really) Want!

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