Everybody says anger is a secondary emotion.

But… what if its not that simple!

 

In this episode of Learned The Hard Way, Kier takes a deeper look at one of the most misunderstood emotions we experience and challenges the idea that anger is simply covering up something else. Drawing from personal stories, clinical experience, and observations about modern culture, he explores why anger often feels like the first thing we experience, not the second.

From getting roasted on a DC bus because of his “talking shoes” to nearly losing his cool with a trash truck driver as an adult, Kier breaks down how anger can serve as protection, become a habit, and eventually turn into something destructive if left unexamined.

He also dives into the emotional realities many men face growing up, the limited emotional vocabulary we're often given, and how entire family systems and communities can normalize anger without ever teaching us how to process it.

Most importantly, Kier offers practical tools for recognizing anger, understanding what it's trying to communicate, and responding in ways that build self-awareness instead of regret.

Because anger isn't always the problem.

Sometimes it's the clue.

 

In This Episode:
Why Kier believes anger is a primary emotion
The difference between feeling anger and becoming anger
How childhood experiences shape emotional responses
Why many men are taught to disconnect from their emotions
When anger acts as a shield—and when it becomes a sword
The hidden emotions often living underneath anger
How to redirect anger before it becomes destructive
Practical strategies for emotional regulation and self-awareness
Why anger can be healthy when it's understood and processed

 

Connect With Us

🌐 Website:
Learned The Hard Way Podcast

🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site

📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

📱 Follow the Show:
Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod

👤 Follow Kier:
Instagram – Kier Gaines

👤 Follow Noémie Gaines:
Instagram – Noémie Gaines

 

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.

 

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

Everybody says anger is a secondary emotion.
But&hellip; what if its not that simple!
&nbsp;
In this episode of Learned The Hard Way, Kier takes a deeper look at one of the most misunderstood emotions we experience and challenges the idea that anger is simply covering up something else. Drawing from personal stories, clinical experience, and observations about modern culture, he explores why anger often feels like the first thing we experience, not the second.
From getting roasted on a DC bus because of his &ldquo;talking shoes&rdquo; to nearly losing his cool with a trash truck driver as an adult, Kier breaks down how anger can serve as protection, become a habit, and eventually turn into something destructive if left unexamined.
He also dives into the emotional realities many men face growing up, the limited emotional vocabulary we're often given, and how entire family systems and communities can normalize anger without ever teaching us how to process it.
Most importantly, Kier offers practical tools for recognizing anger, understanding what it's trying to communicate, and responding in ways that build self-awareness instead of regret.
Because anger isn't always the problem.
Sometimes it's the clue.
&nbsp;
In This Episode:
<ul>
<li>Why Kier believes anger is a primary emotion</li>
<li>The difference between feeling anger and becoming anger</li>
<li>How childhood experiences shape emotional responses</li>
<li>Why many men are taught to disconnect from their emotions</li>
<li>When anger acts as a shield&mdash;and when it becomes a sword</li>
<li>The hidden emotions often living underneath anger</li>
<li>How to redirect anger before it becomes destructive</li>
<li>Practical strategies for emotional regulation and self-awareness</li>
<li>Why anger can be healthy when it's understood and processed</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Connect With Us
🌐 Website: <a href="https://learnedthehardwaypod.com/">Learned The Hard Way Podcast</a>
🎙️<a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW?utm_source=ig&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_content=link_in_bio&amp;fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGnrtTG55Yrn7xCcWN-exRQzPtrGaVVFZMZVBBjS-5lVG8_50IjF45C9OH_QKQ_aem_YGOm4f0piMZh0fZmh0lvpA"> Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site</a>
📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">Instagram &ndash; Learned The Hard Way Pod</a>
👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Instagram &ndash; Kier Gaines</a>
👤 Follow No&eacute;mie Gaines: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/noemiegaines/">Instagram &ndash; No&eacute;mie Gaines</a>
&nbsp;
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.
&nbsp;
<a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com">Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions</a>

EP 10: Anger Isn't What You Think It Is

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/753cf06f-5c30-4f0e-a4e6-b45f00be6c0c/transcript

How do two people build a healthy relationship… when both of them are carrying invisible weight the other can’t fully see?

In this episode of Learned The Hard Way, Kier Gaines sits down with his wife, Noémie Gaines for a honest conversation about marriage, partnership, emotional labor, and the realities of building a life together.

What starts as a conversation about “invisible labor” quickly expands into something much deeper: emotional safety, resentment, communication, parenting, money, gender roles, selfishness, modern dating culture, and the quiet pressure both men and women carry behind closed doors.

Kier opens up about the mental load he carries as a father, provider, business owner, and husband, constantly thinking about finances, responsibility, stability, and what it means to protect the life they’ve built. Noémie shares the emotional and logistical labor that often goes unseen: managing the household, planning schedules, organizing family life, nurturing everyone around her, and trying not to lose herself in the process.

Together, they unpack the tension many couples experience but rarely know how to articulate:
the fear of being taken for granted…
the fear of asking for too much…
and the fear that vulnerability will eventually be used against you.

The conversation also explores how social media has distorted the way people think about relationships, encouraging people to focus more on what they deserve than what it actually takes to build partnership, trust, reciprocity, and emotional safety over time.

Kier and Noémie also reflect on the early stages of their relationship: the situationship phase, emotional immaturity, trust issues, becoming parents unexpectedly, and how friendship ultimately became the foundation for the marriage they have today.

This episode isn’t just about marriage.

It’s about learning how to stop treating relationships like power struggles…
and start treating them like a team.

In This Episode:
The invisible labor both men and women carry in relationships
Why emotional safety takes time to build
The pressure fathers feel that often goes unspoken
Motherhood, mental load, and unseen logistical labor
Why resentment grows when communication disappears
The danger of social media echo chambers in modern relationships
How selfishness and self-protection show up differently
The importance of partnership over rigid gender roles
What healthy communication actually looks like
How fear impacts vulnerability and intimacy
Why many people struggle to choose healthy partners
The difference between independence and emotional unavailability
How Kier and Noémie almost didn’t work out
What changed after becoming parents together
Why friendship matters more than performance in relationships

Key Quotes:

“Life is too complicated for two partners not to be real equals.””

“A healthy relationship is one where you don’t feel like your hand has to be on top for it to matter.”

 

Connect With Us

🌐 Website:
Learned The Hard Way Podcast

🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site

📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

📱 Follow the Show:
Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod

👤 Follow Kier:
Instagram – Kier Gaines

👤 Follow Noémie Gaines:
Instagram – Noémie Gaines

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

How do two people build a healthy relationship&hellip; when both of them are carrying invisible weight the other can&rsquo;t fully see?
In this episode of Learned The Hard Way, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier Gaines </a>sits down with his wife,&nbsp;<a href="https://www.instagram.com/noemiegaines/followers/mutualOnly">No&eacute;mie Gaines </a>for a honest conversation about marriage, partnership, emotional labor, and the realities of building a life together.
What starts as a conversation about &ldquo;invisible labor&rdquo; quickly expands into something much deeper: emotional safety, resentment, communication, parenting, money, gender roles, selfishness, modern dating culture, and the quiet pressure both men and women carry behind closed doors.
Kier opens up about the mental load he carries as a father, provider, business owner, and husband, constantly thinking about finances, responsibility, stability, and what it means to protect the life they&rsquo;ve built. No&eacute;mie shares the emotional and logistical labor that often goes unseen: managing the household, planning schedules, organizing family life, nurturing everyone around her, and trying not to lose herself in the process.
Together, they unpack the tension many couples experience but rarely know how to articulate: the fear of being taken for granted&hellip; the fear of asking for too much&hellip; and the fear that vulnerability will eventually be used against you.
The conversation also explores how social media has distorted the way people think about relationships, encouraging people to focus more on what they deserve than what it actually takes to build partnership, trust, reciprocity, and emotional safety over time.
Kier and No&eacute;mie also reflect on the early stages of their relationship: the situationship phase, emotional immaturity, trust issues, becoming parents unexpectedly, and how friendship ultimately became the foundation for the marriage they have today.
This episode isn&rsquo;t just about marriage.
It&rsquo;s about learning how to stop treating relationships like power struggles&hellip; and start treating them like a team.
In This Episode:
<ul>
<li>The invisible labor both men and women carry in relationships</li>
<li>Why emotional safety takes time to build</li>
<li>The pressure fathers feel that often goes unspoken</li>
<li>Motherhood, mental load, and unseen logistical labor</li>
<li>Why resentment grows when communication disappears</li>
<li>The danger of social media echo chambers in modern relationships</li>
<li>How selfishness and self-protection show up differently</li>
<li>The importance of partnership over rigid gender roles</li>
<li>What healthy communication actually looks like</li>
<li>How fear impacts vulnerability and intimacy</li>
<li>Why many people struggle to choose healthy partners</li>
<li>The difference between independence and emotional unavailability</li>
<li>How Kier and No&eacute;mie almost didn&rsquo;t work out</li>
<li>What changed after becoming parents together</li>
<li>Why friendship matters more than performance in relationships</li>
</ul>
Key Quotes:
&ldquo;Life is too complicated for two partners not to be real equals.&rdquo;&rdquo;
&ldquo;A healthy relationship is one where you don&rsquo;t feel like your hand has to be on top for it to matter.&rdquo;
&nbsp;
Connect With Us
🌐 Website: <a href="https://learnedthehardwaypod.com/">Learned The Hard Way Podcast</a>
🎙️<a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW?utm_source=ig&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_content=link_in_bio&amp;fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGnrtTG55Yrn7xCcWN-exRQzPtrGaVVFZMZVBBjS-5lVG8_50IjF45C9OH_QKQ_aem_YGOm4f0piMZh0fZmh0lvpA"> Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site</a>
📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">Instagram &ndash; Learned The Hard Way Pod</a>
👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Instagram &ndash; Kier Gaines</a>
👤 Follow No&eacute;mie Gaines: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/noemiegaines/">Instagram &ndash; No&eacute;mie Gaines</a>
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.
<a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com">Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions</a>

EP 9: The Invisible Load Nobody Talks About ft. Noémie Gaines

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/65e2fa83-10df-41f6-9a28-b45800b5cfc1/transcript

How do you know when you’re becoming yourself… instead of just surviving?

In this episode, Kier Gaines sits down with media personality, comedian, and podcast host Dustin Ross for one of the most layered conversations the show has had yet.

What starts as a discussion about career pivots and reinvention quickly turns into something deeper: masculinity, authenticity, identity, external validation, Black manhood, therapy, purpose, and the emotional cost of pretending to have it all figured out.

Kier opens the episode reflecting on how many men lose their “whimsy” as they age how survival, responsibility, and performance slowly replace curiosity, joy, imagination, and emotional freedom. Dustin responds with his own story: leaving a stable career in labor relations, moving to New York with no clear roadmap, and building a life rooted in creativity, honesty, and self-trust.

Together, they unpack the pressure men feel to always appear certain, productive, and emotionally controlled… even when internally they feel lost, exhausted, disconnected, or afraid.The conversation also moves into deeper territory around identity, family, religion, acceptance, emotional survival, and what it means to move through the world carrying both resilience and vulnerability at the same time.

This episode isn’t just about changing careers.It’s about what happens when you stop building your life around who you were taught to be… and start becoming who you actually are.

In This Episode:


Why so many men lose their sense of wonder and emotional freedom


The pressure men feel to always “have it together”


Why survival mode can disconnect people from themselves


Dustin Ross’ journey from labor unions to podcasting and comedy


The emotional reality of pivoting careers later in life


Why authenticity creates deeper connection than perfection


External validation vs. internal self-worth


How Black men are conditioned to suppress uncertainty and vulnerability


Why therapy matters when rebuilding identity


Why empathy changes the way people see one another


The difference between performing confidence and actually feeling secure


What it means to “pivot back” to yourself when life gets hard


How comedy can expose truth people normally avoid

Key Quotes:

“The real pivot is what you return to when life gets hard.”

“You can’t build your self-worth on applause.”

The Challenge: Pivot Back to Yourself

For the next 7 days:


Pay attention to how often you perform certainty instead of expressing honesty


Ask yourself what parts of your identity were built for survival versus fulfillment


Notice where you seek validation externally instead of building confidence internally


Reflect on whether your current life actually feels aligned or just familiar


Try one thing that reconnects you to curiosity, creativity, joy, or wonder


Be honest about what no longer feels true for you

You don’t have to become somebody entirely new.

Sometimes healing looks like returning to yourself.

 

Connect With Us

🌐 Website:
Learned The Hard Way Podcast

🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site

📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

📱 Follow the Show:
Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod

👤 Follow Kier:
Instagram – Kier Gaines

👤 Follow Dustin:
Instagram – Dustin Ross

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

How do you know when you&rsquo;re becoming yourself&hellip; instead of just surviving?
In this episode,<a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/"> Kier Gaines</a> sits down with media personality, comedian, and podcast host<a href="https://www.instagram.com/lookatdustin/"> Dustin Ross</a> for one of the most layered conversations the show has had yet.
What starts as a discussion about career pivots and reinvention quickly turns into something deeper: masculinity, authenticity, identity, external validation, Black manhood, therapy, purpose, and the emotional cost of pretending to have it all figured out.
Kier opens the episode reflecting on how many men lose their &ldquo;whimsy&rdquo; as they age how survival, responsibility, and performance slowly replace curiosity, joy, imagination, and emotional freedom. Dustin responds with his own story: leaving a stable career in labor relations, moving to New York with no clear roadmap, and building a life rooted in creativity, honesty, and self-trust.
Together, they unpack the pressure men feel to always appear certain, productive, and emotionally controlled&hellip; even when internally they feel lost, exhausted, disconnected, or afraid.The conversation also moves into deeper territory around identity, family, religion, acceptance, emotional survival, and what it means to move through the world carrying both resilience and vulnerability at the same time.
This episode isn&rsquo;t just about changing careers.It&rsquo;s about what happens when you stop building your life around who you were taught to be&hellip; and start becoming who you actually are.
<hr>
In This Episode:
<ul>
<li>
Why so many men lose their sense of wonder and emotional freedom
</li>
<li>
The pressure men feel to always &ldquo;have it together&rdquo;
</li>
<li>
Why survival mode can disconnect people from themselves
</li>
<li>
Dustin Ross&rsquo; journey from labor unions to podcasting and comedy
</li>
<li>
The emotional reality of pivoting careers later in life
</li>
<li>
Why authenticity creates deeper connection than perfection
</li>
<li>
External validation vs. internal self-worth
</li>
<li>
How Black men are conditioned to suppress uncertainty and vulnerability
</li>
<li>
Why therapy matters when rebuilding identity
</li>
<li>
Why empathy changes the way people see one another
</li>
<li>
The difference between performing confidence and actually feeling secure
</li>
<li>
What it means to &ldquo;pivot back&rdquo; to yourself when life gets hard
</li>
<li>
How comedy can expose truth people normally avoid
</li>
</ul>
<hr>
Key Quotes:
<blockquote>
&ldquo;The real pivot is what you return to when life gets hard.&rdquo;
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
&ldquo;You can&rsquo;t build your self-worth on applause.&rdquo;
</blockquote>
<hr>
The Challenge: Pivot Back to Yourself
For the next 7 days:
<ul>
<li>
Pay attention to how often you perform certainty instead of expressing honesty
</li>
<li>
Ask yourself what parts of your identity were built for survival versus fulfillment
</li>
<li>
Notice where you seek validation externally instead of building confidence internally
</li>
<li>
Reflect on whether your current life actually feels aligned or just familiar
</li>
<li>
Try one thing that reconnects you to curiosity, creativity, joy, or wonder
</li>
<li>
Be honest about what no longer feels true for you
</li>
</ul>
You don&rsquo;t have to become somebody entirely new.
Sometimes healing looks like returning to yourself.
&nbsp;
Connect With Us
🌐 Website: <a href="https://learnedthehardwaypod.com">Learned The Hard Way Podcast</a>
🎙️<a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW?utm_source=ig&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_content=link_in_bio&amp;fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGnrtTG55Yrn7xCcWN-exRQzPtrGaVVFZMZVBBjS-5lVG8_50IjF45C9OH_QKQ_aem_YGOm4f0piMZh0fZmh0lvpA"> Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site</a>
📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">Instagram &ndash; Learned The Hard Way Pod</a>
👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Instagram &ndash; Kier Gaines</a>
👤 Follow Dustin: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/lookatdustin/">Instagram &ndash; Dustin Ross</a>
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone trying to figure out who they are beyond survival mode.
Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

EP 8: Are You Living… Or Just Performing Survival?  ft Dustin Ross

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/72e5a1c8-2524-4e7d-a5cd-b45100ab18a1/transcript

How do you know you’re struggling… when your life still looks “fine” from the outside?

In this episode, Kier Gaines opens up about being clinically diagnosed with depression while still showing up every day as a husband, father, therapist, provider, and public figure. After revealing his diagnosis during a keynote speech in front of hundreds of people, one response kept following him afterward:

“Honestly… I never would’ve known.”

And that right there is the conversation.

Kier breaks down what functional depression actually looks like—when the version of yourself people experience externally doesn’t match what’s happening internally. From emotional numbness and exhaustion to irritability, burnout, disconnection, and quiet hopelessness, he unpacks how depression often hides behind productivity, responsibility, humor, success, and routine.

He also explores why so many Black men struggle to recognize depression in themselves at all. Because culturally, many men were taught to survive, provide, and push through… not pause long enough to ask themselves how they actually feel.

This episode goes beyond surface-level conversations about mental health and gets honest about the emotional cost of constantly performing wellness while silently struggling underneath it.

Because depression doesn’t always look like falling apart.

Sometimes it looks like functioning.

In this episode:


What “functional depression” actually means


Why outward success can hide internal suffering


The difference between being happy with your life vs. happy in your life


Common signs of depression in men that often go unnoticed


Emotional incongruence and performing wellness


Why burnout, irritability, and numbness can be symptoms—not personality traits


The pressure Black men feel to always appear strong


How men use work, distractions, and productivity to avoid emotional pain


The difference between treating symptoms vs. addressing the root


Practical ways to reconnect with yourself emotionally


Why therapy, hobbies, movement, and community matter more than most men realize

Key Quote:

“My presentation didn’t match my experience… and that’s exactly how functional depression works.”

The Challenge: Check In Beyond “I’m Good”

For the next 7 days:


Pause before giving the automatic “I’m straight” response


Ask yourself how your life actually feels, not just how it looks


Notice where you feel emotionally disconnected, exhausted, or numb


Pay attention to the habits helping you cope versus the ones helping you heal


Try one small thing that reconnects you to yourself—walking, journaling, calling a friend, sitting in silence, going outside

Tiny adjustments matter more than dramatic overhauls.

Connect With Us

🌐 Website:
Learned The Hard Way Podcast

🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site

📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

📱 Follow the Show:
Instagram - Learned The Hard Way Pod

👤 Follow Kier:
Instagram - Kier Gaines

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to somebody who’s been “holding it together” a little too well.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

How do you know you&rsquo;re struggling&hellip; when your life still looks &ldquo;fine&rdquo; from the outside?
In this episode, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier Gaines</a> opens up about being clinically diagnosed with depression while still showing up every day as a husband, father, therapist, provider, and public figure. After revealing his diagnosis during a keynote speech in front of hundreds of people, one response kept following him afterward:
&ldquo;Honestly&hellip; I never would&rsquo;ve known.&rdquo;
And that right there is the conversation.
<a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier </a>breaks down what functional depression actually looks like&mdash;when the version of yourself people experience externally doesn&rsquo;t match what&rsquo;s happening internally. From emotional numbness and exhaustion to irritability, burnout, disconnection, and quiet hopelessness, he unpacks how depression often hides behind productivity, responsibility, humor, success, and routine.
He also explores why so many Black men struggle to recognize depression in themselves at all. Because culturally, many men were taught to survive, provide, and push through&hellip; not pause long enough to ask themselves how they actually feel.
This episode goes beyond surface-level conversations about mental health and gets honest about the emotional cost of constantly performing wellness while silently struggling underneath it.
Because depression doesn&rsquo;t always look like falling apart.
Sometimes it looks like functioning.
In this episode:
<ul>
<li>
What &ldquo;functional depression&rdquo; actually means
</li>
<li>
Why outward success can hide internal suffering
</li>
<li>
The difference between being happy with your life vs. happy in your life
</li>
<li>
Common signs of depression in men that often go unnoticed
</li>
<li>
Emotional incongruence and performing wellness
</li>
<li>
Why burnout, irritability, and numbness can be symptoms&mdash;not personality traits
</li>
<li>
The pressure Black men feel to always appear strong
</li>
<li>
How men use work, distractions, and productivity to avoid emotional pain
</li>
<li>
The difference between treating symptoms vs. addressing the root
</li>
<li>
Practical ways to reconnect with yourself emotionally
</li>
<li>
Why therapy, hobbies, movement, and community matter more than most men realize
</li>
</ul>
Key Quote:
<blockquote>
&ldquo;My presentation didn&rsquo;t match my experience&hellip; and that&rsquo;s exactly how functional depression works.&rdquo;
</blockquote>
The Challenge: Check In Beyond &ldquo;I&rsquo;m Good&rdquo;
For the next 7 days:
<ul>
<li>
Pause before giving the automatic &ldquo;I&rsquo;m straight&rdquo; response
</li>
<li>
Ask yourself how your life actually feels, not just how it looks
</li>
<li>
Notice where you feel emotionally disconnected, exhausted, or numb
</li>
<li>
Pay attention to the habits helping you cope versus the ones helping you heal
</li>
<li>
Try one small thing that reconnects you to yourself&mdash;walking, journaling, calling a friend, sitting in silence, going outside
</li>
</ul>
Tiny adjustments matter more than dramatic overhauls.
Connect With Us
🌐 Website: <a href="https://learnedthehardwaypod.com/?utm_source=chatgpt.com">Learned The Hard Way Podcast</a>
🎙️<a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW?utm_source=ig&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_content=link_in_bio&amp;fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQMMjU2MjgxMDQwNTU4AAGneAcnAbke6YjbmzR1gqc2n-1NqnP3X4g_CA5RDEnwsJsAk7k02FUQaRFRMx0_aem_I0Z3yPkueUYuJb0WteLKfA"> Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site</a>
📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod?utm_source=chatgpt.com">Instagram - Learned The Hard Way Pod</a>
👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines?utm_source=chatgpt.com">Instagram - Kier Gaines</a>
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to somebody who&rsquo;s been &ldquo;holding it together&rdquo; a little too well.
Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

EP 7: What Depression Looks Like When You’re The “Strong” One

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/23f15c49-7be0-4e6b-88f1-b44a0021927f/transcript

What happens when the life you worked for finally arrives… and suddenly everybody is watching?

In this episode, Kier Gaines sits down with Super Bowl champion, ESPN analyst, and The Pivotco-founder Ryan Clark for an honest conversation about visibility, pressure, identity, and the emotional cost of building your life in public.Because for a lot of Black men, success doesn’t just feel personal. It feels inherited. Representational. Heavy. You’re not only carrying your own name, you’re carrying your family, your community, and the expectations of people who never got the opportunities you now have. And while the spotlight can validate your hard work, it also puts every mistake, transition, and vulnerable moment on display.

Kier and Ryan unpack what it means to succeed publicly while privately trying to hold yourself together. From NFL retirement and career pivots to marriage, fatherhood, therapy, public criticism, and fear of failure, this conversation explores the emotional realities behind being admired by the world while still trying to figure yourself out in real time.Because being visible is one thing.But learning how to stay grounded while the world watches? That’s a different kind of work.

 

In This Episode:
The emotional pressure that comes with public visibility
Why success can feel both affirming and isolating
Ryan Clark on transitioning from the NFL into media
The fear Black men carry around public failure
Building The Pivot after I Am Athlete
Mental health stigma and emotional conditioning in Black communities
Balancing ambition, marriage, and fatherhood
The sacrifices partners make behind public success
Code-switching, perception management, and exhaustion
Learning the difference between “I failed” and “I am a failure”
Legacy, fulfillment, and letting go of survival mode

Key Quote:

“The same spotlight that amplifies your wins will also put your losses on full display.”

 

The Challenge: Separate Failure From Identity

For the next 7 days:
Pay attention to how you talk to yourself after a mistake
Notice if you criticize your character instead of your actions
Replace “I am a failure” with “I made a mistake”
Ask yourself who you are outside of achievement, validation, or public approval
Have one honest conversation where you don’t perform strength

Because growth requires self-awareness.
But healing requires self-compassion too.

 

Connect With Us
🌐 Website: www.learnedthehardwaypod.com
🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site
📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com
📱 Follow the Show: @learnedthehardwaypod
👤 Follow Kier: @kiergaines

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs it.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

What happens when the life you worked for finally arrives&hellip; and suddenly everybody is watching?
In this episode, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier Gaines</a> sits down with Super Bowl champion, ESPN analyst, and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/thepivot/">The Pivot </a>co-founder <a href="https://www.instagram.com/realrclark/">Ryan Clark</a> for an honest conversation about visibility, pressure, identity, and the emotional cost of building your life in public.Because for a lot of Black men, success doesn&rsquo;t just feel personal. It feels inherited. Representational. Heavy.&nbsp;You&rsquo;re not only carrying your own name, you&rsquo;re carrying your family, your community, and the expectations of people who never got the opportunities you now have. And while the spotlight can validate your hard work, it also puts every mistake, transition, and vulnerable moment on display.
Kier and Ryan unpack what it means to succeed publicly while privately trying to hold yourself together. From NFL retirement and career pivots to marriage, fatherhood, therapy, public criticism, and fear of failure, this conversation explores the emotional realities behind being admired by the world while still trying to figure yourself out in real time.Because being visible is one thing.But learning how to stay grounded while the world watches? That&rsquo;s a different kind of work.
&nbsp;
In This Episode:
<ul>
<li>The emotional pressure that comes with public visibility</li>
<li>Why success can feel both affirming and isolating</li>
<li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/realrclark/">Ryan Clark</a> on transitioning from the NFL into media</li>
<li>The fear Black men carry around public failure</li>
<li>Building The Pivot after I Am Athlete</li>
<li>Mental health stigma and emotional conditioning in Black communities</li>
<li>Balancing ambition, marriage, and fatherhood</li>
<li>The sacrifices partners make behind public success</li>
<li>Code-switching, perception management, and exhaustion</li>
<li>Learning the difference between &ldquo;I failed&rdquo; and &ldquo;I am a failure&rdquo;</li>
<li>Legacy, fulfillment, and letting go of survival mode</li>
</ul>
Key Quote:
&ldquo;The same spotlight that amplifies your wins will also put your losses on full display.&rdquo;
&nbsp;
The Challenge: Separate Failure From Identity
For the next 7 days:
<ul>
<li>Pay attention to how you talk to yourself after a mistake</li>
<li>Notice if you criticize your character instead of your actions</li>
<li>Replace &ldquo;I am a failure&rdquo; with &ldquo;I made a mistake&rdquo;</li>
<li>Ask yourself who you are outside of achievement, validation, or public approval</li>
<li>Have one honest conversation where you don&rsquo;t perform strength</li>
</ul>
Because growth requires self-awareness. But healing requires self-compassion too.
&nbsp;
Connect With Us 🌐 Website: <a href="http://www.learnedthehardwaypod.com/">www.learnedthehardwaypod.com</a> 🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site 📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a> 📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">@learnedthehardwaypod</a> 👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">@kiergaines</a>
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs it.
<a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com">Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions</a>

EP 6: Built In Public: The Cost of Being Seen ft. Ryan Clark

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/ddfbc15b-ef80-44b8-bfb7-b4430094b097/transcript

What are you protecting every time you make yourself the punchline?

In this episode, Kier Gaines breaks down the psychology behind humor as armor and how something that feels harmless can quietly become a barrier to real self-awareness. Starting with a personal story about losing his hair, he walks through how quickly jokes can take the place of honesty… and how that moment right there is where most men avoid what they actually feel.

Kier expands the conversation beyond the personal and into the cultural breaking down how the images we see of ourselves in media shape how we show up in real life. From stereotypes to survival tactics, he unpacks how laughing along with distorted reflections can slowly turn into believing them.

Because when you laugh at something long enough… part of you starts to wonder if it’s true.

This episode challenges the idea that humor is always harmless. Not to take it away—but to ask what’s hiding underneath it.

In this episode:
Why humor can be both a coping mechanism and emotional avoidance
How joking about yourself can block real vulnerability
The psychological impact of stereotypes and distorted self-image
The concept of the “cool pose” and emotional armor in Black men
Why “I’m good” is often a performance, not the truth
What you lose when you never go beyond the joke

 

Key Quote:
“Real self-awareness isn’t just knowing your strengths. It’s knowing what you’ve been pretending doesn’t hurt.”

 

The Challenge: Pause Before the Punchline
For the next 7 days:
Notice when you’re about to joke about something personal
Pause and ask yourself: What am I actually feeling right now?
Try saying the real thing at least once—even if it feels uncomfortable
Pay attention to what changes in your conversations and your relationships

 

Connect With Us
🌐 Website: www.learnedthehardwaypod.com
🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site
📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com
📱 Follow the Show: @learnedthehardwaypod
👤 Follow Kier: @kiergaines

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs it.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

What are you protecting every time you make yourself the punchline?
In this episode, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier Gaines</a> breaks down the psychology behind humor as armor and how something that feels harmless can quietly become a barrier to real self-awareness. Starting with a personal story about losing his hair, he walks through how quickly jokes can take the place of honesty&hellip; and how that moment right there is where most men avoid what they actually feel.
<a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier </a>expands the conversation beyond the personal and into the cultural breaking down how the images we see of ourselves in media shape how we show up in real life. From stereotypes to survival tactics, he unpacks how laughing along with distorted reflections can slowly turn into believing them.
Because when you laugh at something long enough&hellip; part of you starts to wonder if it&rsquo;s true.
This episode challenges the idea that humor is always harmless. Not to take it away&mdash;but to ask what&rsquo;s hiding underneath it.
In this episode:
<ul>
<li>Why humor can be both a coping mechanism and emotional avoidance</li>
<li>How joking about yourself can block real vulnerability</li>
<li>The psychological impact of stereotypes and distorted self-image</li>
<li>The concept of the &ldquo;cool pose&rdquo; and emotional armor in Black men</li>
<li>Why &ldquo;I&rsquo;m good&rdquo; is often a performance, not the truth</li>
<li>What you lose when you never go beyond the joke</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Key Quote: &ldquo;Real self-awareness isn&rsquo;t just knowing your strengths. It&rsquo;s knowing what you&rsquo;ve been pretending doesn&rsquo;t hurt.&rdquo;
&nbsp;
The Challenge: Pause Before the Punchline For the next 7 days:
<ul>
<li>Notice when you&rsquo;re about to joke about something personal</li>
<li>Pause and ask yourself: What am I actually feeling right now?</li>
<li>Try saying the real thing at least once&mdash;even if it feels uncomfortable</li>
<li>Pay attention to what changes in your conversations and your relationships</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Connect With Us 🌐 Website: <a href="http://www.learnedthehardwaypod.com/">www.learnedthehardwaypod.com</a> 🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site 📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a> 📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">@learnedthehardwaypod</a> 👤 Follow Kier: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">@kiergaines</a>
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs it.
<a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com">Produced &amp; Edited by Idea to Launch Productions</a>

EP 5: Why You Joke About Your Pain (And Why It’s Keeping You Stuck)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/a6bf05a6-a3fe-4cf9-90bb-b43c0043bf83/transcript

You want to have the answers. You want to be solid. You want to be the one people can rely on. But here’s the question most men don’t ask themselves: What is it costing you to always be right?

In this solo episode, Kier unpacks the hidden price of certainty and why the need to always have the answer can quietly damage your relationships, your growth, and your self-awareness. Using a real conversation with his wife about money, he walks through how quickly defensiveness can take over when your identity feels challenged and how that moment right there is where most men lose the opportunity to grow.

Kier breaks down why curiosity feels so uncomfortable, especially for Black men who were raised to equate confidence with safety and uncertainty with risk. From being taught to “look strong” as boys to navigating spaces where being wrong can feel dangerous, this episode gets to the root of why so many men struggle to ask questions instead of proving points.

Because the truth is when you always need to be right, people stop being real with you. Conversations turn into debates. Intimacy fades. And over time, people don’t get closer… they just get quieter.

This episode challenges you to rethink what strength actually looks like. Not as having all the answers but as being willing to sit in discomfort long enough to understand something new.

In this episode:
Why defensiveness shuts down connection faster than you think
How the need to be right can cost you intimacy, trust, and respect
The link between masculinity, control, and fear of uncertainty
Why criticism often holds the key to your blind spots (Johari Window)
How curiosity can shift your relationships, leadership, and self-awareness
The difference between proving a point and actually growing

Key Quote: “Certainty is armor. Curiosity requires you to take it off.”

If you’ve ever felt the urge to defend yourself before you fully understand what’s being said this episode will challenge you to slow down, ask better questions, and choose growth over ego.

 

The Challenge: The 7-Day Curiosity Shift
Pick one area of your life home, work, friendships, or your relationship and for 7 days:
Ask more questions than you make statements
Wait 60 seconds before responding when you feel triggered
Notice what changes in your conversations and connections

 

Connect With Us
🌐 Website: www.learnedthehardwaypod.com
🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site
📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com
📱 Follow the Show: @learnedthehardwaypod

👤 Follow Kier: @kiergaines

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs it.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

You want to have the answers. You want to be solid. You want to be the one people can rely on. But here&rsquo;s the question most men don&rsquo;t ask themselves: What is it costing you to always be right?
In this solo episode, Kier unpacks the hidden price of certainty and why the need to always have the answer can quietly damage your relationships, your growth, and your self-awareness. Using a real conversation with his wife about money, he walks through how quickly defensiveness can take over when your identity feels challenged and how that moment right there is where most men lose the opportunity to grow.
Kier breaks down why curiosity feels so uncomfortable, especially for Black men who were raised to equate confidence with safety and uncertainty with risk. From being taught to &ldquo;look strong&rdquo; as boys to navigating spaces where being wrong can feel dangerous, this episode gets to the root of why so many men struggle to ask questions instead of proving points.
Because the truth is when you always need to be right, people stop being real with you. Conversations turn into debates. Intimacy fades. And over time, people don&rsquo;t get closer&hellip; they just get quieter.
This episode challenges you to rethink what strength actually looks like. Not as having all the answers but as being willing to sit in discomfort long enough to understand something new.
In this episode:
<ul>
<li>Why defensiveness shuts down connection faster than you think</li>
<li>How the need to be right can cost you intimacy, trust, and respect</li>
<li>The link between masculinity, control, and fear of uncertainty</li>
<li>Why criticism often holds the key to your blind spots (Johari Window)</li>
<li>How curiosity can shift your relationships, leadership, and self-awareness</li>
<li>The difference between proving a point and actually growing</li>
</ul>
Key Quote: &ldquo;Certainty is armor. Curiosity requires you to take it off.&rdquo;
If you&rsquo;ve ever felt the urge to defend yourself before you fully understand what&rsquo;s being said this episode will challenge you to slow down, ask better questions, and choose growth over ego.
&nbsp;
The Challenge: The 7-Day Curiosity Shift Pick one area of your life home, work, friendships, or your relationship and for 7 days:
<ul>
<li>Ask more questions than you make statements</li>
<li>Wait 60 seconds before responding when you feel triggered</li>
<li>Notice what changes in your conversations and connections</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Connect With Us 🌐 Website: <a href="http://www.learnedthehardwaypod.com/">www.learnedthehardwaypod.com</a> 🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site 📧 Email: <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a> 📱 Follow the Show: <a href="https://instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod">@learnedthehardwaypod</a>
👤 Follow Kier:&nbsp;<a href="https://instagram.com/kiergaines">@kiergaines</a>
Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs it.
Produced &amp; Edited by <a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com/">Idea to Launch Productions</a>

EP 4: Are You Listening… or Just Waiting to Respond?

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/e180638f-f9cf-413c-b79c-b435002eccda/transcript

Why Men Stay Loyal to Friends Who Don't Really Know Them

You'd go to war for your boys. You've known them for years, maybe decades. But here's the question that might stop you in your tracks: Do they actually know you?

In this solo episode, Kier unpacks one of the most overlooked truths about male friendship—how men can be fiercely loyal to people who have no idea what they're really going through. He breaks down why so many men confuse longevity with depth, loyalty with love, and presence with intimacy.

Kier gets honest about the times he didn't show up for his friends the way he should have, examines a powerful clip from The Best Man that exposes how men talk around the truth instead of to it, and offers a practical framework for building friendships rooted in care, honesty, and mutual accountability.

In this episode:
Why loyalty without honesty isn't really loyalty
The 3 dynamics in male friendships that keep men emotionally invisible
How "ride or die" can become "silent and stuck"
What happens when men stop protecting each other's feelings and start protecting each other's futures
A 3-tier plan for transforming surface-level friendships into real brotherhood

Key Quote:"A friendship that can't hold truth can't really hold you."

If you've been showing up for your boys but wondering why no one's really showing up for you—this episode is the answer.

Connect With Us

🌐 Website: www.learnedthehardwaypod.com

🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a voice message directly on the website—because these conversations don't end here, they start here.

📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

📱 Follow the Show: @learnedthehardwaypod

👤 Follow Kier: @kiergaines

Tap in with us: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs it.

Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions

Why Men Stay Loyal to Friends Who Don't Really Know Them
You'd go to war for your boys. You've known them for years, maybe decades. But here's the question that might stop you in your tracks: Do they actually know you?
In this solo episode, Kier unpacks one of the most overlooked truths about male friendship&mdash;how men can be fiercely loyal to people who have no idea what they're really going through. He breaks down why so many men confuse longevity with depth, loyalty with love, and presence with intimacy.
Kier gets honest about the times he didn't show up for his friends the way he should have, examines a powerful clip from The Best Man that exposes how men talk around the truth instead of to it, and offers a practical framework for building friendships rooted in care, honesty, and mutual accountability.
In this episode:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why loyalty without honesty isn't really loyalty</li>
<li aria-level="1">The 3 dynamics in male friendships that keep men emotionally invisible</li>
<li aria-level="1">How "ride or die" can become "silent and stuck"</li>
<li aria-level="1">What happens when men stop protecting each other's feelings and start protecting each other's futures</li>
<li aria-level="1">A 3-tier plan for transforming surface-level friendships into real brotherhood</li>
</ul>
Key Quote: "A friendship that can't hold truth can't really hold you."
If you've been showing up for your boys but wondering why no one's really showing up for you&mdash;this episode is the answer.
Connect With Us
🌐 Website:<a href="http://www.learnedthehardwaypod.com"> www.learnedthehardwaypod.com</a>
🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a voice message directly on the website&mdash;because these conversations don't end here, they start here.
📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com
📱 Follow the Show:<a href="https://instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod"> @learnedthehardwaypod</a>
👤 Follow Kier:<a href="https://instagram.com/kiergaines"> @kiergaines</a>
Tap in with us: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs it.
Produced &amp; Edited by <a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com/">Idea to Launch Productions</a>

EP 3: Why Men Stay Loyal to Friends Who Don't Really Know Them

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/6c1e2a62-e195-4a93-9703-b42e002a81ae/transcript

Everyone’s heard the phrase “toxic masculinity.” But the moment a man hears it, his walls go up and honestly? That reaction makes sense. Because nobody ever sat us down and told us what a man actually was. They just told us what a man doesn’t do.

In this episode, Kier Gaines sits down with educator, poet, and media personality Tripp Fontaine to have the conversation most people are too afraid to start. They’re breaking down where our definition of manhood actually came from, why it was never built for men who look like us, and what it’s quietly costing us in our relationships, our health, our freedom, and our ability to show up for the people we love most.

This isn’t about tearing men down. This is about finally telling the truth about what was handed to us and deciding if we want to keep carrying it.



 

Key Takeaways:

-Why men shut down the moment they hear “toxic masculinity” Kier and Tripp break down what the phrase actually means, why it’s been weaponized, and why defending yourself against it might be costing you more than you think

-The blueprint that was never built for us the history of how one narrow, white, Western model of manhood became the universal standard, and how Black men have been punished for not fitting a mold they were never meant to fill

-What patriarchy is actually taking from you  from your relationships and your fatherhood to your creativity, your mental health, and your right to just exist without performing  plus real tools for what it looks like to start unlearning

Connect with us

Tap in with us: share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs it.

Send us a DM on Instagram @learnedthehardwaypod or leave Kier a voicemail —> https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW

Email - learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

Social media- @learnedthehardwaypod

@kiergaines

Edited and produced by Idea to Launch Productions

Everyone&rsquo;s heard the phrase &ldquo;toxic masculinity.&rdquo; But the moment a man hears it, his walls go up and honestly? That reaction makes sense. Because nobody ever sat us down and told us what a man actually was. They just told us what a man doesn&rsquo;t do.
In this episode, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/?hl=en">Kier Gaines </a>sits down with educator, poet, and media personality <a href="https://www.instagram.com/trippfontane/?hl=en">Tripp Fontaine </a>to have the conversation most people are too afraid to start. They&rsquo;re breaking down where our definition of manhood actually came from, why it was never built for men who look like us, and what it&rsquo;s quietly costing us in our relationships, our health, our freedom, and our ability to show up for the people we love most.
This isn&rsquo;t about tearing men down. This is about finally telling the truth about what was handed to us and deciding if we want to keep carrying it. 
&nbsp;
Key Takeaways:
-Why men shut down the moment they hear &ldquo;toxic masculinity&rdquo; <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/?hl=en">Kier</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/trippfontane/?hl=en">Tripp</a> break down what the phrase actually means, why it&rsquo;s been weaponized, and why defending yourself against it might be costing you more than you think
-The blueprint that was never built for us the history of how one narrow, white, Western model of manhood became the universal standard, and how Black men have been punished for not fitting a mold they were never meant to fill
-What patriarchy is actually taking from you &nbsp;from your relationships and your fatherhood to your creativity, your mental health, and your right to just exist without performing &nbsp;plus real tools for what it looks like to start unlearning
Connect with us
Tap in with us: share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs it.
Send us a DM on Instagram <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">@learnedthehardwaypod</a> or leave Kier a voicemail &mdash;&gt; <a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW">https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW</a>
Email -&nbsp;<a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
Social media- <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod?igsh=MXY1ZXhibmM1eG9mbQ==">@learnedthehardwaypod</a>
<a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines?igsh=cThtdGxzNjJzMmo3">@kiergaines</a>
Edited and produced by <a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com">Idea to Launch Productions</a>

EP 2: This is What Patriarchy Actually Does to Men (And Why Nobody's Taking About It) (Ft. Tripp Fontaine)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/abfacf5f-2764-4d0f-96c9-b42700409da8/transcript

You’ve been doing it so long you don’t even notice anymore. Adjusting your tone, softening your edges, shrinking yourself just enough to fit the room. And at the end of the day you’re exhausted not from the work, but from who you had to be to do it.

In this episode, Kier Gaines gets real about masking and code-switching: what it is, where it comes from, and the quiet psychological tax it takes from men who’ve learned to survive by shapeshifting. From his first corporate job to the clinical research behind double consciousness, Kier breaks down why so many men are walking around depleted and what it actually looks like to stop disappearing.

This one’s going to hit close to home. That’s the point.

Key Takeaways

∙ What masking really costs you? Kier breaks down the emotional, relational, and identity-level consequences of performing your way through every room you enter

∙ W.E.B. Du Bois, Sterling K. Brown, and the science behind why we do it the history, the culture, and the psychology of double consciousness explained in real terms

∙ Three ways to start taking the armor off  practical, tiered tools for men who are ready to stop surviving and start actually living


Connect with us 

What parts of yourself feel the most edited and who are you editing them for?

Send us a DM on Instagram @learnedthehardwaypod or leave Kier a voicemail 

—>https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW 

your question could be featured on the next episode.


Let’s make this a conversation, not just a podcast.

Email - learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com

Social media- @learnedthehardwaypod

@kiergaines

Edited and produced by Idea to Launch Productions

You&rsquo;ve been doing it so long you don&rsquo;t even notice anymore. Adjusting your tone, softening your edges, shrinking yourself just enough to fit the room. And at the end of the day you&rsquo;re exhausted not from the work, but from who you had to be to do it.
In this episode, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines?igsh=cThtdGxzNjJzMmo3">Kier Gaines</a> gets real about masking and code-switching: what it is, where it comes from, and the quiet psychological tax it takes from men who&rsquo;ve learned to survive by shapeshifting. From his first corporate job to the clinical research behind double consciousness, Kier breaks down why so many men are walking around depleted and what it actually looks like to stop disappearing.
This one&rsquo;s going to hit close to home. That&rsquo;s the point.
Key Takeaways
∙ What masking really costs you? Kier breaks down the emotional, relational, and identity-level consequences of performing your way through every room you enter
∙ W.E.B. Du Bois, Sterling K. Brown, and the science behind why we do it the history, the culture, and the psychology of double consciousness explained in real terms
∙ Three ways to start taking the armor off &nbsp;practical, tiered tools for men who are ready to stop surviving and start actually living
 Connect with us&nbsp;
What parts of yourself feel the most edited and who are you editing them for?
Send us a DM on Instagram <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learnedthehardwaypod/">@learnedthehardwaypod</a> or leave Kier a voicemail&nbsp;
&mdash;&gt;<a href="https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW">https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHW</a>&nbsp;
your question could be featured on the next episode.
 Let&rsquo;s make this a conversation, not just a podcast.
Email - <a href="mailto:learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com">learnedthehardwaypod@gmail.com</a>
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines?igsh=cThtdGxzNjJzMmo3">@kiergaines</a>
Edited and produced by <a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com">Idea to Launch Productions</a>

EP 1: The Hidden Cost of Being the Man Everyone Needs You to Be

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/4df01934-ff64-4a1a-a6c3-b4270022bc05/transcript

No fluff. No judgment. Just real talk. Licensed therapist Kier Gaines brings over a decade of insight to break down what it really means to be a man today the pressure, the innovation, the grief, the joy, the grind, and the opportunities to thrive. With honest stories, actionable tips, and unfiltered insights, this is the space to level up, heal, and grow. On your terms.


Edited and produced by Idea to Launch Productions

No fluff. No judgment. Just real talk. Licensed therapist <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines/">Kier Gaines</a> brings over a decade of insight to break down what it really means to be a man today the pressure, the innovation, the grief, the joy, the grind, and the opportunities to thrive. With honest stories, actionable tips, and unfiltered insights, this is the space to level up, heal, and grow. On your terms.
 Edited and produced by <a href="https://www.ideatolaunchpodcastproductions.com">Idea to Launch Productions</a>

Learned the Hard Way with Kier Gaines

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