Your five-year-old is hitting other children when they're angry, frustrated or feel something is unfair. You've talked about using words, encouraged them to burn off energy and tried everything you can think of. So what actually helps?

Justin and Kylie Coulson explain why young children lash out, how to practise emotional regulation at home and what to do when your child comes home after a difficult day at school. Learn how to set boundaries without shame, build better responses and help your child manage big feelings as their brain develops.

KEY POINTS


Why five-year-olds struggle to control big emotions


How to practise calming strategies before frustration takes over


Why difficult conversations work better when everyone is calm


Helping children find their own solutions to conflict


Responding with compassion while still addressing hitting


How classroom culture and maturity can influence behaviour

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“When emotions are hot or high, there's not a lot that soaks in or sinks in.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED


Happy Families: https://happyfamilies.com.au


Send your tricky questions to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS


Practise when things are calm. Rehearse taking deep breaths, walking away or asking an adult for help.


Problem-solve together. Ask your child what they could do next time they feel angry or treated unfairly.


Reconnect after school. Offer cuddles, space and understanding before discussing what went wrong.


Keep the boundary clear. Acknowledge their feelings while making it clear that hitting isn't okay.


Give them time to learn. Emotional regulation develops gradually, and children need repeated practice and support.

Your five-year-old is hitting other children when they're angry, frustrated or feel something is unfair. You've talked about using words, encouraged them to burn off energy and tried everything you can think of. So what actually helps?
Justin and Kylie Coulson explain why young children lash out, how to practise emotional regulation at home and what to do when your child comes home after a difficult day at school. Learn how to set boundaries without shame, build better responses and help your child manage big feelings as their brain develops.
KEY POINTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>
Why five-year-olds struggle to control big emotions
</li>
<li>
How to practise calming strategies before frustration takes over
</li>
<li>
Why difficult conversations work better when everyone is calm
</li>
<li>
Helping children find their own solutions to conflict
</li>
<li>
Responding with compassion while still addressing hitting
</li>
<li>
How classroom culture and maturity can influence behaviour
</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;When emotions are hot or high, there's not a lot that soaks in or sinks in.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>
Happy Families: <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au" data-rich-text-autolink="">https://happyfamilies.com.au</a>
</li>
<li>
Send your tricky questions to <a href="mailto:podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au">podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au</a>
</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>
Practise when things are calm. Rehearse taking deep breaths, walking away or asking an adult for help.
</li>
<li>
Problem-solve together. Ask your child what they could do next time they feel angry or treated unfairly.
</li>
<li>
Reconnect after school. Offer cuddles, space and understanding before discussing what went wrong.
</li>
<li>
Keep the boundary clear. Acknowledge their feelings while making it clear that hitting isn't okay.
</li>
<li>
Give them time to learn. Emotional regulation develops gradually, and children need repeated practice and support.
</li>
</ul>

Deciding which parenting advice to follow? Join the thousands of mums and dads who turn to Australia’s most downloaded parenting podcast.

Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.

From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

Deciding which parenting advice to follow?&nbsp;Join the thousands of mums and dads who turn to Australia&rsquo;s most downloaded parenting podcast.
Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.
From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Why Telling Kids to Use Their Words Doesn't Always Work [a Listener Q&A]

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/7fd59dbd-30f5-4f5d-a96e-b4e20189ba7c/transcript

When your child is anxious, overwhelmed or afraid, should you step in or let them work it out? The answer could change how you parent.

Justin and Kylie Coulson share five research-backed ways to build resilience in children, from listening without rushing to fix things to letting kids tackle challenges, take safe risks and discover what they're capable of. Because raising resilient kids isn't about toughening them up. It's about giving them the support and confidence to face hard things.

KEY POINTS


Why feeling cared for and listened to is the foundation of resilience


How staying calm helps children manage big emotions


When to support your child and when to resist the urge to rescue them


How family identity and purpose help kids through difficult experiences


Why independent activity and safe, risky play build confidence

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Resilience is built as much inside a child as it is built around a child.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED


Happy Families: https://happyfamilies.com.au


Andrew Fuller, Australian psychologist and resilience researcher


Steve Biddulph, parenting expert


Anne Masten, resilience researcher


Peter Gray, play researcher

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS


Put your phone down and give your child your full attention when they want to talk.


Take a slow, audible breath before responding to your child's big emotions.


Encourage your child to try something difficult before stepping in to rescue them.


Find small ways for your child to contribute to your family and feel part of something bigger.


Give your child age-appropriate opportunities to explore, play independently and take safe risks.

When your child is anxious, overwhelmed or afraid, should you step in or let them work it out? The answer could change how you parent.
Justin and Kylie Coulson share five research-backed ways to build resilience in children, from listening without rushing to fix things to letting kids tackle challenges, take safe risks and discover what they're capable of. Because raising resilient kids isn't about toughening them up. It's about giving them the support and confidence to face hard things.
KEY POINTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>
Why feeling cared for and listened to is the foundation of resilience
</li>
<li>
How staying calm helps children manage big emotions
</li>
<li>
When to support your child and when to resist the urge to rescue them
</li>
<li>
How family identity and purpose help kids through difficult experiences
</li>
<li>
Why independent activity and safe, risky play build confidence
</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Resilience is built as much inside a child as it is built around a child.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>
Happy Families: <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au" data-rich-text-autolink="">https://happyfamilies.com.au</a>
</li>
<li>
<a href="https://andrewfuller.com.au/">Andrew Fuller</a>, Australian psychologist and resilience researcher
</li>
<li>
<a href="https://www.stevebiddulph.com/Site_1/Home.html">Steve Biddulph</a>, parenting expert
</li>
<li>
<a href="https://icd.umn.edu/ann-masten">Anne Masten</a>, resilience researcher
</li>
<li>
<a href="https://www.petergray.org/">Peter Gray</a>, play researcher
</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>
Put your phone down and give your child your full attention when they want to talk.
</li>
<li>
Take a slow, audible breath before responding to your child's big emotions.
</li>
<li>
Encourage your child to try something difficult before stepping in to rescue them.
</li>
<li>
Find small ways for your child to contribute to your family and feel part of something bigger.
</li>
<li>
Give your child age-appropriate opportunities to explore, play independently and take safe risks.
</li>
</ul>

5 Secrets to Raising Resilient Kids Who Can Handle Hard Things

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/69e26912-c798-45fa-b9a2-b4e201899a31/transcript

What happens when you give everything you have and still can’t finish? Justin shares the emotional reality of attempting a 50km charity walk with a 10kg vest, battling an injury and facing the decision to quit.

Justin and Kylie reflect on failure, resilience and the courage it takes to admit when you need help. They also share how their Lift the Load challenge raised almost $95,000 for Top Blokes, helping more young men access vital mentoring and support.

KEY POINTS
Why admitting you need help can be harder than pushing through.
The difference between resilience and ignoring your limits.
How asking for help can change the outcome.
Why we can support others without carrying everything for them.
How one person's actions can inspire a whole community.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“It's wonderful when you feel strong and capable that you would offer to carry somebody else's load. But there comes a time where you have to recognise when that load is no longer bearable.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Top Blokes Foundation
Lift the Load Challenge
Happy Families

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Show your children that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.
Talk about the difference between giving up and recognising when something needs to change.
Check in with the people around you. Ask how they're really going and listen to the answer.
Remind your family that supporting someone doesn't mean carrying every burden for them.

What happens when you give everything you have and still can&rsquo;t finish? Justin shares the emotional reality of attempting a 50km charity walk with a 10kg vest, battling an injury and facing the decision to quit.
Justin and Kylie reflect on failure, resilience and the courage it takes to admit when you need help.&nbsp;They also share how their Lift the Load challenge raised almost $95,000 for Top Blokes, helping more young men access vital mentoring and support.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why admitting you need help can be harder than pushing through.</li>
<li aria-level="1">The difference between resilience and ignoring your limits.</li>
<li aria-level="1">How asking for help can change the outcome.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why we can support others without carrying everything for them.</li>
<li aria-level="1">How one person's actions can inspire a whole community.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;It's wonderful when you feel strong and capable that you would offer to carry somebody else's load. But there comes a time where you have to recognise when that load is no longer bearable.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://topblokes.org.au/">Top Blokes Foundation</a></li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.lifttheload.org.au/50for50">Lift the Load Challenge</a></li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/">Happy Families</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Show your children that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Talk about the difference between giving up and recognising when something needs to change.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Check in with the people around you. Ask how they're really going and listen to the answer.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Remind your family that supporting someone doesn't mean carrying every burden for them.</li>
</ul>

What Failure Taught Justin About Asking for Help

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/f2ac4744-f6a8-4031-ba3c-b4dd00b0901c/transcript

Your phone might be getting in the way of your child’s learning, confidence and connection with you.

Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack three research findings every parent should know, from the link between heavy AI use and lower school test scores to why early puberty may increase anxiety risk in girls. They also explore how being ignored while a parent scrolls can affect a teenager’s sense of security in the relationship.

Discover what the research tells us, where the limits of the evidence lie, and how to give your child more opportunities to feel supported, connected and confident.

KEY POINTS
AI and learning: Students who frequently use AI chatbots for schoolwork scored lower in science and reading than those who rarely use them. How children use AI matters.
Early puberty and anxiety: Research links earlier, faster puberty in girls with a higher risk of anxiety symptoms. Supportive relationships may help provide important protection.
Phone distraction and attachment: Teenagers who feel ignored by a parent’s phone use are more likely to report insecure attachment to that caregiver.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“She needs protective factors in her life.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
PISA assessment findings on AI use and student performance, reported by Lucy Carroll in The Australian
Danish National Birth Cohort analysis on pubertal development and anxiety, published in the Journal of Affective Disorders
Research examining parental phone use, "phubbing" and adolescent attachment

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Encourage your child to use AI to explore ideas and learn, rather than letting it do their thinking or writing for them.
If your daughter experiences early puberty, focus on supportive relationships, trusted role models and a safe home environment.
Put your phone away when your child is trying to connect with you. Give them your attention, listen and show them they matter.
Remember that research showing a link between two things does not automatically prove that one causes the other.

Your phone might be getting in the way of your child&rsquo;s learning, confidence and connection with you.
Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack three research findings every parent should know, from the link between heavy AI use and lower school test scores to why early puberty may increase anxiety risk in girls. They also explore how being ignored while a parent scrolls can affect a teenager&rsquo;s sense of security in the relationship.
Discover what the research tells us, where the limits of the evidence lie, and how to give your child more opportunities to feel supported, connected and confident.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">AI and learning: Students who frequently use AI chatbots for schoolwork scored lower in science and reading than those who rarely use them. How children use AI matters.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Early puberty and anxiety: Research links earlier, faster puberty in girls with a higher risk of anxiety symptoms. Supportive relationships may help provide important protection.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Phone distraction and attachment: Teenagers who feel ignored by a parent&rsquo;s phone use are more likely to report insecure attachment to that caregiver.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;She needs protective factors in her life.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">PISA assessment findings on AI use and student performance, <a href="https://www.theaustralian.com.au/subscribe/news/1/?sourceCode=TAWEB_WRE170_a&amp;dest=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theaustralian.com.au%2Feducation%2Faustralian-students-who-rely-heavily-on-ai-chatbots-fall-30-points-behind-in-tests%2Fnews-story%2F7497ca6a0351358f4c4350046beebdab&amp;memtype=anonymous&amp;mode=premium&amp;v21=GROUPA-Segment-1-NOSCORE">reported by Lucy Carroll</a> in The Australian</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.psypost.org/early-puberty-is-linked-to-higher-anxiety-risk-in-girls/">Danish National Birth Cohort analysis on pubertal development and anxiety</a>, published in the Journal of Affective Disorders</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/parental-phubbing-may-nurture-insecure-attachment-kids">Research examining parental phone use</a>, "phubbing" and adolescent attachment</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Encourage your child to use AI to explore ideas and learn, rather than letting it do their thinking or writing for them.</li>
<li aria-level="1">If your daughter experiences early puberty, focus on supportive relationships, trusted role models and a safe home environment.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Put your phone away when your child is trying to connect with you. Give them your attention, listen and show them they matter.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Remember that research showing a link between two things does not automatically prove that one causes the other.</li>
</ul>

When Your Phone Gets Between You and Your Child

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/19eeb667-cd96-45db-815d-b4dc0038f243/transcript

Why Telling Kids to Use Their Words Doesn't Always Work [a Listener Q&A]

In 1 playlist(s)

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Social links

Follow podcast

Recent clips