Your child lies. You catch them. They double down. Now what?

When an 8-year-old swears they didn’t sneak the TV or the treats (even with chocolate on their face), most parents panic about what it means for the future.

In this episode of The Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie explain why lying is normal, why punishment makes it worse, and how to respond in a way that builds honesty instead of fear.

If you want truth without tears, this conversation changes everything.

KEY POINTS
Lying is a developmental milestone, not a moral collapse.
The harsher the punishment, the better kids get at hiding.
Shame damages relationships and kills honesty.
Most lies are about avoiding trouble or getting access to something they want.
The goal isn’t catching kids out — it’s solving the problem together.
You’ll have this conversation again and again. That’s normal parenting.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Lying is not a moral crisis. It’s a teachable moment.”

RELATED RESOURCES

#846 An Honest Conversation [podcast episode]

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Stay calm. Avoid lectures and threats.
Say what you see instead of asking trap questions.
Make it safe to tell the truth.
Explain your concerns (health, sleep, fairness).
Collaborate on a plan everyone can live with.
Repeat the conversation as often as needed.

Submit your tricky question at happyfamilies.com.au

Your child lies. You catch them. They double down. Now what?
When an 8-year-old swears they didn&rsquo;t sneak the TV or the treats (even with chocolate on their face), most parents panic about what it means for the future.
In this episode of The Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie explain why lying is normal, why punishment makes it worse, and how to respond in a way that builds honesty instead of fear.
If you want truth without tears, this conversation changes everything.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Lying is a developmental milestone, not a moral collapse.</li>
<li aria-level="1">The harsher the punishment, the better kids get at hiding.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Shame damages relationships and kills honesty.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Most lies are about avoiding trouble or getting access to something they want.</li>
<li aria-level="1">The goal isn&rsquo;t catching kids out &mdash; it&rsquo;s solving the problem together.</li>
<li aria-level="1">You&rsquo;ll have this conversation again and again. That&rsquo;s normal parenting.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Lying is not a moral crisis. It&rsquo;s a teachable moment.&rdquo;
RELATED RESOURCES
<a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/podcast/episode/846-an-honest-conversation">#846 An Honest Conversation</a> [podcast episode]
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Stay calm. Avoid lectures and threats.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Say what you see instead of asking trap questions.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Make it safe to tell the truth.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Explain your concerns (health, sleep, fairness).</li>
<li aria-level="1">Collaborate on a plan everyone can live with.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Repeat the conversation as often as needed.</li>
</ol>
Submit your tricky question at <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/podcast">happyfamilies.com.au</a>

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy Families Podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now. Every day Justin and his wife Kylie provide practical tips and a common sense approach to parenting that Mums and Dads all over the world are connecting with. Justin and Kylie have 6 daughters and they regularly share their experiences of managing a busy household filled with lots of challenges and plenty of happiness. For real and practicable advice from people who understand and appreciate the challenges of a time poor parent, listen to Justin and Kylie and help make your family happier.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Stop the Sneaky Lies Without Crushing Trust

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/7a7158f6-bb46-4d78-818c-b3ea017dd82d/transcript

We tell ourselves it’s about safety.
But what if tracking our kids is quietly costing them confidence, independence… and trust?

With apps like Life360 becoming the norm, many parents are asking: Are we protecting our children — or projecting our anxiety onto them?

In this episode, we unpack what constant monitoring does to developing autonomy, whether location-sharing normalises surveillance, and how to balance safety with healthy independence.

If you’ve ever checked the app “just in case,” this conversation might change how you see it.

KEY POINTS
Why over-monitoring may increase anxiety — for parents and kids
The developmental cost of constant surveillance
How tracking impacts trust, autonomy, and competence
When location sharing can work — and when it crosses a line
The difference between safety conversations and safety control

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“When parents outsource their anxiety management to technology, children pay the developmental price.”

RESOURCES
Lenore Skenazy – Free-Range Kids
Let Grow movement
Claire Rowe (psychologist & parenting writer)
Should We Be Tracking Our Kids? [Article]

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Ask yourself: Is this about safety — or my anxiety?
Replace monitoring with problem-solving conversations.
Gradually expand your child’s freedom in age-appropriate ways.
If using location sharing, make it mutual and transparent.
Focus on teaching capability, not controlling outcomes.

We tell ourselves it&rsquo;s about safety. But what if tracking our kids is quietly costing them confidence, independence&hellip; and trust?
With apps like Life360 becoming the norm, many parents are asking: Are we protecting our children &mdash; or projecting our anxiety onto them?
In this episode, we unpack what constant monitoring does to developing autonomy, whether location-sharing normalises surveillance, and how to balance safety with healthy independence.
If you&rsquo;ve ever checked the app &ldquo;just in case,&rdquo; this conversation might change how you see it.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why over-monitoring may increase anxiety &mdash; for parents and kids</li>
<li aria-level="1">The developmental cost of constant surveillance</li>
<li aria-level="1">How tracking impacts trust, autonomy, and competence</li>
<li aria-level="1">When location sharing can work &mdash; and when it crosses a line</li>
<li aria-level="1">The difference between safety conversations and safety control</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;When parents outsource their anxiety management to technology, children pay the developmental price.&rdquo;
RESOURCES
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Lenore Skenazy &ndash; <a href="https://www.freerangekids.com/">Free-Range Kids</a></li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://letgrow.org/">Let Grow</a> movement</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.clarerowe.com.au/">Claire Rowe</a> (psychologist &amp; parenting writer)</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/should-we-be-tracking-our-kids">Should We Be Tracking Our Kids?</a>&nbsp;[Article]</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Ask yourself: Is this about safety &mdash; or my anxiety?</li>
<li aria-level="1">Replace monitoring with problem-solving conversations.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Gradually expand your child&rsquo;s freedom in age-appropriate ways.</li>
<li aria-level="1">If using location sharing, make it mutual and transparent.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Focus on teaching capability, not controlling outcomes.</li>
</ol>

The Hidden Cost of Tracking Your Kids

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/015fe60f-a136-4d12-a101-b3ea017da371/transcript

You’re one eye-roll away from losing it.
You’ve called their name four times.
You’re hot, tired, and absolutely done.

And then patience changes everything.

In this Friday episode, Justin and Kylie share two small choices that create big connection: making time for the people marrying into your family, and holding your nerve long enough for your child to come to you.

Because when we slow down, relationships grow.

KEY POINTS
Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.
Time invested now shapes future in-law relationships.
Kids often need space to process before they respond.
Patience prevents power struggles and invites cooperation.
Small messages of love spark big moments of connection.
Even eye-rolling kids still want us in their world.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Patience got us there. When we slow down, relationships grow.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Happy Families memberships & resources
The 7 Day Connection Challenge (Free Happy Families resource)

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Give someone your full attention this week. No phone. Just presence.
When you want to react, pause. Let your child process.
Create a short family catch-phrase that reminds your kids who they are.
Send a simple “thinking of you” text when they’re away.

You&rsquo;re one eye-roll away from losing it. You&rsquo;ve called their name four times. You&rsquo;re hot, tired, and absolutely done.
And then patience changes everything.
In this Friday episode, Justin and Kylie share two small choices that create big connection: making time for the people marrying into your family, and holding your nerve long enough for your child to come to you.
Because when we slow down, relationships grow.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Time invested now shapes future in-law relationships.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Kids often need space to process before they respond.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Patience prevents power struggles and invites cooperation.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Small messages of love spark big moments of connection.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Even eye-rolling kids still want us in their world.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Patience got us there. When we slow down, relationships grow.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Happy Families <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/membership">memberships</a> &amp; resources</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/miss-connection-7-day-connection-challenge">The 7 Day Connection Challenge</a> (Free Happy Families resource)</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Give someone your full attention this week. No phone. Just presence.</li>
<li aria-level="1">When you want to react, pause. Let your child process.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Create a short family catch-phrase that reminds your kids who they are.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Send a simple &ldquo;thinking of you&rdquo; text when they&rsquo;re away.</li>
</ul>

I'll Do Better Tomorrow - The Virtue of Patience

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/3eaa82d4-1d39-4c97-a5f1-b3e500b258a0/transcript

We’ve told kids for years that effort changes everything.

But the biggest review of growth mindset research in decades just found the results are tiny… sometimes nothing at all.

So should parents and teachers stop talking about “not yet”?

In this Doctor’s Desk episode, Justin and Kylie unpack what the science really says, why the data might be missing the magic, and the simple belief that still changes lives for many children.

KEY POINTS
A major new review analysed 24 gold-standard studies on growth mindset interventions.
The strongest research found very small or zero academic improvement.
Real classrooms and real families are far more complex than controlled trials.
No study shows growth mindset causes harm.
Language, belief, and persistence still influence motivation for many kids.
We should be careful about promises — but not abandon hope.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“I don’t want to be the adult who looks at a child and says, ‘You just can’t.’”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Gazmuri, C. (2025). Growth mindset interventions and academic achievement. Review of Education.

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Swap limits for possibility: invite effort and exploration.
Focus on helping your child stay in the uncomfortable learning zone.
Offer support after they’ve tried, not before.
Remember: neutral evidence is not negative evidence.

We&rsquo;ve told kids for years that effort changes everything.
But the biggest review of growth mindset research in decades just found the results are tiny&hellip; sometimes nothing at all.
So should parents and teachers stop talking about &ldquo;not yet&rdquo;?
In this Doctor&rsquo;s Desk episode, Justin and Kylie unpack what the science really says, why the data might be missing the magic, and the simple belief that still changes lives for many children.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">A major new review analysed 24 gold-standard studies on growth mindset interventions.</li>
<li aria-level="1">The strongest research found very small or zero academic improvement.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Real classrooms and real families are far more complex than controlled trials.</li>
<li aria-level="1">No study shows growth mindset causes harm.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Language, belief, and persistence still influence motivation for many kids.</li>
<li aria-level="1">We should be careful about promises &mdash; but not abandon hope.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;I don&rsquo;t want to be the adult who looks at a child and says, &lsquo;You just can&rsquo;t.&rsquo;&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Gazmuri, C. (2025). Growth mindset interventions and academic achievement. Review of Education.</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Swap limits for possibility: invite effort and exploration.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Focus on helping your child stay in the uncomfortable learning zone.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Offer support after they&rsquo;ve tried, not before.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Remember: neutral evidence is not negative evidence.</li>
</ul>

Growth Mindsets & Academic Improvement

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/1c662a2f-9c8b-4ed6-87c2-b3e500b23054/transcript

Stop the Sneaky Lies Without Crushing Trust

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