The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Dr Lisa Damour
Shame vs guilt
Criticism 
Social awareness
Teens & friends
Cold & hot reasoning
Perspective
The ladder of life
Lisa answers some rapid fire questions
The reality of girls & boys maturing at different rates

Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Email us your questions and comments at podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au

<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/the-emotional-lives-of-teenagers-lisa-damour/book/9781838956967.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjwrMKmBhCJARIsAHuEAPR-Vfj5jlm2HlqsFSnvVZsRgC4ajtoAb-MdSm9YR4udRKVUDzbLOicaAg7bEALw_wcB">The Emotional Lives of Teenagers</a> by <a href="https://drlisadamour.com/">Dr Lisa Damour</a></li>
<li>Shame vs guilt</li>
<li>Criticism </li>
<li>Social awareness</li>
<li>Teens &amp; friends</li>
<li>Cold &amp; hot reasoning</li>
<li>Perspective</li>
<li>The ladder of life</li>
<li>Lisa answers some rapid fire questions</li>
<li>The reality of girls &amp; boys maturing at different rates</li>
</ul>
Find us on Facebook at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au/">Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families</a>
Email us your questions and comments at <a href="mailto:podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au">podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au</a>

Deciding which parenting advice to follow? Join the thousands of mums and dads who turn to Australia’s most downloaded parenting podcast.

Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.

From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

Deciding which parenting advice to follow?&nbsp;Join the thousands of mums and dads who turn to Australia&rsquo;s most downloaded parenting podcast.
Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.
From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#827 The Emotional Lives of Teenagers (Part 2)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/f0ea1a90-cd07-4781-a913-b05900df301a/transcript

Is your child’s screen time spiralling—and every conversation about it ends in a fight? Professor Wayne Warburton, leading psychologist and researcher, reveals how apps and games are deliberately engineered to hook young brains. He explains the hidden neuroscience of addiction, what excessive screen use does to a child’s emotional regulation and attention, and how parents can reclaim calm without all-out war. If you’ve ever wondered why your tween melts down when you say “time’s up,” this episode is a must-listen.

KEY POINTS
Why modern apps use gambling-style tactics and AI to keep kids scrolling.
How heavy screen use weakens the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain that manages focus, planning, and emotional control.
Simple, science-backed steps to reset family screen habits and return kids to the “driver’s seat.”
Practical advice for conversations that don’t turn into shouting matches.
Why social connection doesn’t have to mean social media.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“It’s not your child’s fault—or yours. These products are built to be addictive. The goal is to put your child back in the driver’s seat, not the screen.” — Dr Wayne Warburton

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Dr Wayne Warburton’s books Growing Up Fast and Furious and The Importance of Media Literacy
HappyFamilies.com.au for family screen-plan templates and parenting resources

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Choose the right moment: Discuss screens only when everyone is calm and offline.
Externalise the problem: Frame it as “us versus the tech designers,” not parent versus child.
Co-create a plan: Involve kids in setting screen limits and consequences; write it down.
Build healthy replacements: Help kids identify offline ways to cope with boredom, anxiety, or stress.
Model balance: Show your own healthy screen habits—your example speaks louder than rules.

Is your child&rsquo;s screen time spiralling&mdash;and every conversation about it ends in a fight? Professor Wayne Warburton, leading psychologist and researcher, reveals how apps and games are deliberately engineered to hook young brains. He explains the hidden neuroscience of addiction, what excessive screen use does to a child&rsquo;s emotional regulation and attention, and how parents can reclaim calm without all-out war. If you&rsquo;ve ever wondered why your tween melts down when you say &ldquo;time&rsquo;s up,&rdquo; this episode is a must-listen.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why modern apps use gambling-style tactics and AI to keep kids scrolling.</li>
<li aria-level="1">How heavy screen use weakens the prefrontal cortex&mdash;the part of the brain that manages focus, planning, and emotional control.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Simple, science-backed steps to reset family screen habits and return kids to the &ldquo;driver&rsquo;s seat.&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">Practical advice for conversations that don&rsquo;t turn into shouting matches.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why social connection doesn&rsquo;t have to mean social media.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE &ldquo;It&rsquo;s not your child&rsquo;s fault&mdash;or yours. These products are built to be addictive. The goal is to put your child back in the driver&rsquo;s seat, not the screen.&rdquo; &mdash; Dr Wayne Warburton
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Dr Wayne Warburton&rsquo;s books <a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Growing-Fast-Furious-Wayne-Warburton/dp/1862878234">Growing Up Fast and Furious</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Importance-Media-Literacy-Getting-Digital/dp/1527556301">The Importance of Media Literacy</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">HappyFamilies.com.au for family screen-plan templates and parenting resources</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Choose the right moment: Discuss screens only when everyone is calm and offline.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Externalise the problem: Frame it as &ldquo;us versus the tech designers,&rdquo; not parent versus child.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Co-create a plan: Involve kids in setting screen limits and consequences; write it down.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Build healthy replacements: Help kids identify offline ways to cope with boredom, anxiety, or stress.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Model balance: Show your own healthy screen habits&mdash;your example speaks louder than rules.</li>
</ol>

Screens, Kids & the Hijacked Brain: Dr Wayne Warburton on Beating Screen Addiction

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/021c1ffe-72c7-42ae-ad21-b4bf00289aeb/transcript

You’ve chosen the school you believe is best for your child. There’s just one problem. They absolutely refuse to go.

When an 11-year-old is threatening to cut up his uniform and stay home rather than attend the high school his parents have chosen, pushing harder is unlikely to help. Justin and Kylie explain why force creates resistance, what might really be underneath a child’s refusal, and how to have the conversation that could change everything.

KEY POINTS
Why trying to convince your child you’re right can make them dig in harder
The three needs driving your child’s response: connection, competence and autonomy
Why feeling heard needs to come before problem-solving
How to listen without adding your own interpretation
Why writing your child’s concerns down can take the heat out of the conversation
How to explain your reasons once your child knows you understand theirs
Using trial days and agreed expectations to move forward
Why the school that looks best on paper may not be the school where your child thrives

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Force creates resistance. The harder you push, the harder your kids push back.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Self-Determination Theory
Basic Psychological Need Theory
Autonomy-supportive parenting

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Stop trying to win the argument. Shift the goal from convincing your child to understanding them.
Ask what you’re missing. Give them space to explain every concern without correcting or defending.
Write it down. Take their concerns seriously enough to make notes, then repeat them back without adding your interpretation.
Wait for the “yes, you get it”. If they’re still correcting you, keep listening.
Explain your why. Once they feel understood, share the two or three reasons behind your preferred school.
Look for a workable next step. Consider an experience day, trial period or clear agreement about what giving the school a genuine chance will look like.

You&rsquo;ve chosen the school you believe is best for your child. There&rsquo;s just one problem. They absolutely refuse to go.
When an 11-year-old is threatening to cut up his uniform and stay home rather than attend the high school his parents have chosen, pushing harder is unlikely to help. Justin and Kylie explain why force creates resistance, what might really be underneath a child&rsquo;s refusal, and how to have the conversation that could change everything.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why trying to convince your child you&rsquo;re right can make them dig in harder</li>
<li aria-level="1">The three needs driving your child&rsquo;s response: connection, competence and autonomy</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why feeling heard needs to come before problem-solving</li>
<li aria-level="1">How to listen without adding your own interpretation</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why writing your child&rsquo;s concerns down can take the heat out of the conversation</li>
<li aria-level="1">How to explain your reasons once your child knows you understand theirs</li>
<li aria-level="1">Using trial days and agreed expectations to move forward</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why the school that looks best on paper may not be the school where your child thrives</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Force creates resistance. The harder you push, the harder your kids push back.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Self-Determination Theory</li>
<li aria-level="1">Basic Psychological Need Theory</li>
<li aria-level="1">Autonomy-supportive parenting</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Stop trying to win the argument. Shift the goal from convincing your child to understanding them.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Ask what you&rsquo;re missing. Give them space to explain every concern without correcting or defending.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Write it down. Take their concerns seriously enough to make notes, then repeat them back without adding your interpretation.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Wait for the &ldquo;yes, you get it&rdquo;. If they&rsquo;re still correcting you, keep listening.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Explain your why. Once they feel understood, share the two or three reasons behind your preferred school.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Look for a workable next step. Consider an experience day, trial period or clear agreement about what giving the school a genuine chance will look like.</li>
</ol>

When Your Child Hates the School You Chose [a Listener Q&A]

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/6f6cfedf-44fa-4215-b4d4-b4bf0028784f/transcript

Some of the most well-intentioned things we say to our kids can backfire.

From “Good job, you’re so smart” to “You’ll be fine” and “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”, Justin and Kylie unpack five common phrases that can undermine confidence, shut down emotions and create distance between parents and kids.

More importantly, they share what to say instead to help kids feel understood, capable and connected.

KEY POINTS
Why too much praise can make kids depend on external validation
The hidden cost of saying “I’m disappointed in you”
Why “You’ll be fine” can leave a struggling child feeling alone
How comparing siblings can fuel conflict and self-doubt
Why saying “I was never good at maths either” can create a limiting mindset
Simple phrases that build connection without trying to fix everything

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“You need to know that we love you no matter what.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
Research by Wolf Meyer on praise and children’s perceptions of ability
Research by Eddie Brummelman on inflated praise
Research by Avi Assor and Guy Roth on conditional parental regard

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Swap automatic praise for curiosity: “What did you enjoy about that?”
Replace disappointment with connection: “We love you no matter what. Let’s work through this.”
Validate hard feelings before offering solutions: “This is really tough, isn’t it?”
Stop comparing siblings, friends or abilities
Replace “We’re just not good at that” with “Let’s work it out”

Some of the most well-intentioned things we say to our kids can backfire.
From &ldquo;Good job, you&rsquo;re so smart&rdquo; to &ldquo;You&rsquo;ll be fine&rdquo; and &ldquo;Why can&rsquo;t you be more like your sister?&rdquo;, Justin and Kylie unpack five common phrases that can undermine confidence, shut down emotions and create distance between parents and kids.
More importantly, they share what to say instead to help kids feel understood, capable and connected.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why too much praise can make kids depend on external validation</li>
<li aria-level="1">The hidden cost of saying &ldquo;I&rsquo;m disappointed in you&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why &ldquo;You&rsquo;ll be fine&rdquo; can leave a struggling child feeling alone</li>
<li aria-level="1">How comparing siblings can fuel conflict and self-doubt</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why saying &ldquo;I was never good at maths either&rdquo; can create a limiting mindset</li>
<li aria-level="1">Simple phrases that build connection without trying to fix everything</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;You need to know that we love you no matter what.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.gottman.com/product/raising-an-emotionally-intelligent-child-book/">Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child</a> by John Gottman</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232510795_The_informational_value_of_evaluative_behavior_Influences_of_praise_and_blame_on_perceptions_of_ability">Research by Wolf Meyer</a> on praise and children&rsquo;s perceptions of ability</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24434235/">Research by Eddie Brummelman</a> on inflated praise</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14686884/">Research by Avi Assor and Guy Roth</a> on conditional parental regard</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Swap automatic praise for curiosity: &ldquo;What did you enjoy about that?&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">Replace disappointment with connection: &ldquo;We love you no matter what. Let&rsquo;s work through this.&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">Validate hard feelings before offering solutions: &ldquo;This is really tough, isn&rsquo;t it?&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">Stop comparing siblings, friends or abilities</li>
<li aria-level="1">Replace &ldquo;We&rsquo;re just not good at that&rdquo; with &ldquo;Let&rsquo;s work it out&rdquo;</li>
</ul>

5 Things to Stop Saying to Your Kids

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/54836c56-8801-4398-bdf4-b4bf00284c8f/transcript

#827 The Emotional Lives of Teenagers (Part 2)

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