Are we taking emotion coaching too far?
The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Dr Lisa Damour
Emotion coaching
Start with empathy
Shielding children from emotions
Internal board of directors
Trauma
Regulating emotions
Good coping brings relief and does no harm
Dosing
The value in kids experiencing pain

Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Email us your questions and comments at podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au

Are we taking emotion coaching too far?
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/the-emotional-lives-of-teenagers-lisa-damour/book/9781838956967.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjwrMKmBhCJARIsAHuEAPR-Vfj5jlm2HlqsFSnvVZsRgC4ajtoAb-MdSm9YR4udRKVUDzbLOicaAg7bEALw_wcB">The Emotional Lives of Teenagers</a> by <a href="https://drlisadamour.com/">Dr Lisa Damour</a></li>
<li>Emotion coaching</li>
<li>Start with empathy</li>
<li>Shielding children from emotions</li>
<li>Internal board of directors</li>
<li>Trauma</li>
<li>Regulating emotions</li>
<li>Good coping brings relief and does no harm</li>
<li>Dosing</li>
<li>The value in kids experiencing pain</li>
</ul>
Find us on Facebook at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au/">Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families</a>
Email us your questions and comments at <a href="mailto:podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au">podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au</a>

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Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.

From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

Deciding which parenting advice to follow?&nbsp;Join the thousands of mums and dads who turn to Australia&rsquo;s most downloaded parenting podcast.
Dr Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie bring real parenting solutions every day, cutting through the noise of modern advice with clear, practical guidance for every step of parenting.
From early childhood challenges to the complexities of the teenage years, each daily episode offers simple, evidence-based strategies to help you feel more confident in your decisions and more connected to your kids.

The Happy families podcast with Dr. Justin Coulson is designed for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

#822 The Emotional Lives of Teenagers (Part 1)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/d2634f91-ad1b-4056-a3ba-b05600d31690/transcript

Location tracking. Checking a partner’s phone. Constantly asking where they are and who they’re with. For some teenagers, controlling behaviour is becoming so normal they may not even recognise it as a red flag.

Justin and Kylie share three simple questions sparked by Victorian Attorney-General Sonya Kilkenny’s conversation with her teenage son: Do you know that’s wrong? Do you know that’s a red flag? What do the girls think?

They unpack consent, coercive control, rejection and the messages boys are absorbing about what it means to be a man. Most importantly, they explain why these conversations need to start long before our kids begin dating.

KEY POINTS
Why jealousy, phone checking and location tracking can be mistaken for love or devotion
Three questions that help teenagers recognise controlling behaviour
Why conversations about consent should start when children are young
Teaching kids to trust the feeling that says, “I don’t like this”
Helping boys understand that rejection should be met with grace
How online culture and unhealthy models of masculinity can shape boys’ ideas about relationships
Why healthy relationships should leave people feeling safer and stronger
Keeping conversations open so kids come to you when something doesn’t feel right

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Healthy males help the people around them feel safer and stronger.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Boys: Building Strong Men From the Inside Out by Dr Justin Coulson
Victorian Attorney-General Sonya Kilkenny’s comments about coercive control
Happy Families school parent presentations

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

Ask the three questions: When relationship behaviour comes up, ask, “Do you know that’s wrong?”, “Do you know that’s a red flag?” and “What does the other person think?”

Start consent conversations early: Teach younger children that they can say no to unwanted affection, scary play or anything that makes them uncomfortable.

Talk about what healthy masculinity looks like: Ask your child when they saw a boy or man help someone feel safer and stronger today.

Talk about the opposite: Ask when they saw someone leave another person feeling smaller or weaker, then discuss what made the behaviour different.

Keep talking: Make relationships, consent, pornography, online influences and red flags normal topics of conversation rather than one big awkward talk

Location tracking. Checking a partner&rsquo;s phone. Constantly asking where they are and who they&rsquo;re with. For some teenagers, controlling behaviour is becoming so normal they may not even recognise it as a red flag.
Justin and Kylie share three simple questions sparked by Victorian Attorney-General Sonya Kilkenny&rsquo;s conversation with her teenage son: Do you know that&rsquo;s wrong? Do you know that&rsquo;s a red flag? What do the girls think?
They unpack consent, coercive control, rejection and the messages boys are absorbing about what it means to be a man. Most importantly, they explain why these conversations need to start long before our kids begin dating.
KEY POINTS
<ul data-spread="false">
<li>Why jealousy, phone checking and location tracking can be mistaken for love or devotion</li>
<li>Three questions that help teenagers recognise controlling behaviour</li>
<li>Why conversations about consent should start when children are young</li>
<li>Teaching kids to trust the feeling that says, &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t like this&rdquo;</li>
<li>Helping boys understand that rejection should be met with grace</li>
<li>How online culture and unhealthy models of masculinity can shape boys&rsquo; ideas about relationships</li>
<li>Why healthy relationships should leave people feeling safer and stronger</li>
<li>Keeping conversations open so kids come to you when something doesn&rsquo;t feel right</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Healthy males help the people around them feel safer and stronger.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul data-spread="false">
<li><a href="https://booktopia.kh4ffx.net/5kjvy3">Boys: Building Strong Men From the Inside Out</a> by Dr Justin Coulson</li>
<li>Victorian Attorney-General Sonya Kilkenny&rsquo;s comments about coercive control</li>
<li>Happy Families <a href="https://happyfamilies.com.au/answers-with-justin">school parent presentations</a></li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Ask the three questions: When relationship behaviour comes up, ask, &ldquo;Do you know that&rsquo;s wrong?&rdquo;, &ldquo;Do you know that&rsquo;s a red flag?&rdquo; and &ldquo;What does the other person think?&rdquo;
Start consent conversations early: Teach younger children that they can say no to unwanted affection, scary play or anything that makes them uncomfortable.
Talk about what healthy masculinity looks like: Ask your child when they saw a boy or man help someone feel safer and stronger today.
Talk about the opposite: Ask when they saw someone leave another person feeling smaller or weaker, then discuss what made the behaviour different.
Keep talking: Make relationships, consent, pornography, online influences and red flags normal topics of conversation rather than one big awkward talk

Do You Know That's Wrong?

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/0bbfed99-5ff5-42a3-abec-b4bf0028b8ab/transcript

Is your child’s screen time spiralling—and every conversation about it ends in a fight? Professor Wayne Warburton, leading psychologist and researcher, reveals how apps and games are deliberately engineered to hook young brains. He explains the hidden neuroscience of addiction, what excessive screen use does to a child’s emotional regulation and attention, and how parents can reclaim calm without all-out war. If you’ve ever wondered why your tween melts down when you say “time’s up,” this episode is a must-listen.

KEY POINTS
Why modern apps use gambling-style tactics and AI to keep kids scrolling.
How heavy screen use weakens the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain that manages focus, planning, and emotional control.
Simple, science-backed steps to reset family screen habits and return kids to the “driver’s seat.”
Practical advice for conversations that don’t turn into shouting matches.
Why social connection doesn’t have to mean social media.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“It’s not your child’s fault—or yours. These products are built to be addictive. The goal is to put your child back in the driver’s seat, not the screen.” — Dr Wayne Warburton

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Dr Wayne Warburton’s books Growing Up Fast and Furious and The Importance of Media Literacy
HappyFamilies.com.au for family screen-plan templates and parenting resources

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Choose the right moment: Discuss screens only when everyone is calm and offline.
Externalise the problem: Frame it as “us versus the tech designers,” not parent versus child.
Co-create a plan: Involve kids in setting screen limits and consequences; write it down.
Build healthy replacements: Help kids identify offline ways to cope with boredom, anxiety, or stress.
Model balance: Show your own healthy screen habits—your example speaks louder than rules.

Is your child&rsquo;s screen time spiralling&mdash;and every conversation about it ends in a fight? Professor Wayne Warburton, leading psychologist and researcher, reveals how apps and games are deliberately engineered to hook young brains. He explains the hidden neuroscience of addiction, what excessive screen use does to a child&rsquo;s emotional regulation and attention, and how parents can reclaim calm without all-out war. If you&rsquo;ve ever wondered why your tween melts down when you say &ldquo;time&rsquo;s up,&rdquo; this episode is a must-listen.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why modern apps use gambling-style tactics and AI to keep kids scrolling.</li>
<li aria-level="1">How heavy screen use weakens the prefrontal cortex&mdash;the part of the brain that manages focus, planning, and emotional control.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Simple, science-backed steps to reset family screen habits and return kids to the &ldquo;driver&rsquo;s seat.&rdquo;</li>
<li aria-level="1">Practical advice for conversations that don&rsquo;t turn into shouting matches.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why social connection doesn&rsquo;t have to mean social media.</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE &ldquo;It&rsquo;s not your child&rsquo;s fault&mdash;or yours. These products are built to be addictive. The goal is to put your child back in the driver&rsquo;s seat, not the screen.&rdquo; &mdash; Dr Wayne Warburton
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Dr Wayne Warburton&rsquo;s books <a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Growing-Fast-Furious-Wayne-Warburton/dp/1862878234">Growing Up Fast and Furious</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Importance-Media-Literacy-Getting-Digital/dp/1527556301">The Importance of Media Literacy</a></li>
<li aria-level="1">HappyFamilies.com.au for family screen-plan templates and parenting resources</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Choose the right moment: Discuss screens only when everyone is calm and offline.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Externalise the problem: Frame it as &ldquo;us versus the tech designers,&rdquo; not parent versus child.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Co-create a plan: Involve kids in setting screen limits and consequences; write it down.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Build healthy replacements: Help kids identify offline ways to cope with boredom, anxiety, or stress.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Model balance: Show your own healthy screen habits&mdash;your example speaks louder than rules.</li>
</ol>

Screens, Kids & the Hijacked Brain: Dr Wayne Warburton on Beating Screen Addiction

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/021c1ffe-72c7-42ae-ad21-b4bf00289aeb/transcript

You’ve chosen the school you believe is best for your child. There’s just one problem. They absolutely refuse to go.

When an 11-year-old is threatening to cut up his uniform and stay home rather than attend the high school his parents have chosen, pushing harder is unlikely to help. Justin and Kylie explain why force creates resistance, what might really be underneath a child’s refusal, and how to have the conversation that could change everything.

KEY POINTS
Why trying to convince your child you’re right can make them dig in harder
The three needs driving your child’s response: connection, competence and autonomy
Why feeling heard needs to come before problem-solving
How to listen without adding your own interpretation
Why writing your child’s concerns down can take the heat out of the conversation
How to explain your reasons once your child knows you understand theirs
Using trial days and agreed expectations to move forward
Why the school that looks best on paper may not be the school where your child thrives

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Force creates resistance. The harder you push, the harder your kids push back.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Self-Determination Theory
Basic Psychological Need Theory
Autonomy-supportive parenting

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Stop trying to win the argument. Shift the goal from convincing your child to understanding them.
Ask what you’re missing. Give them space to explain every concern without correcting or defending.
Write it down. Take their concerns seriously enough to make notes, then repeat them back without adding your interpretation.
Wait for the “yes, you get it”. If they’re still correcting you, keep listening.
Explain your why. Once they feel understood, share the two or three reasons behind your preferred school.
Look for a workable next step. Consider an experience day, trial period or clear agreement about what giving the school a genuine chance will look like.

You&rsquo;ve chosen the school you believe is best for your child. There&rsquo;s just one problem. They absolutely refuse to go.
When an 11-year-old is threatening to cut up his uniform and stay home rather than attend the high school his parents have chosen, pushing harder is unlikely to help. Justin and Kylie explain why force creates resistance, what might really be underneath a child&rsquo;s refusal, and how to have the conversation that could change everything.
KEY POINTS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why trying to convince your child you&rsquo;re right can make them dig in harder</li>
<li aria-level="1">The three needs driving your child&rsquo;s response: connection, competence and autonomy</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why feeling heard needs to come before problem-solving</li>
<li aria-level="1">How to listen without adding your own interpretation</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why writing your child&rsquo;s concerns down can take the heat out of the conversation</li>
<li aria-level="1">How to explain your reasons once your child knows you understand theirs</li>
<li aria-level="1">Using trial days and agreed expectations to move forward</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why the school that looks best on paper may not be the school where your child thrives</li>
</ul>
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
&ldquo;Force creates resistance. The harder you push, the harder your kids push back.&rdquo;
RESOURCES MENTIONED
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Self-Determination Theory</li>
<li aria-level="1">Basic Psychological Need Theory</li>
<li aria-level="1">Autonomy-supportive parenting</li>
</ul>
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Stop trying to win the argument. Shift the goal from convincing your child to understanding them.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Ask what you&rsquo;re missing. Give them space to explain every concern without correcting or defending.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Write it down. Take their concerns seriously enough to make notes, then repeat them back without adding your interpretation.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Wait for the &ldquo;yes, you get it&rdquo;. If they&rsquo;re still correcting you, keep listening.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Explain your why. Once they feel understood, share the two or three reasons behind your preferred school.</li>
<li aria-level="1">Look for a workable next step. Consider an experience day, trial period or clear agreement about what giving the school a genuine chance will look like.</li>
</ol>

When Your Child Hates the School You Chose [a Listener Q&A]

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/clips/6f6cfedf-44fa-4215-b4d4-b4bf0028784f/transcript

#822 The Emotional Lives of Teenagers (Part 1)

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