Location tracking. Checking a partner’s phone. Constantly asking where they are and who they’re with. For some teenagers, controlling behaviour is becoming so normal they may not even recognise it as a red flag.

Justin and Kylie share three simple questions sparked by Victorian Attorney-General Sonya Kilkenny’s conversation with her teenage son: Do you know that’s wrong? Do you know that’s a red flag? What do the girls think?

They unpack consent, coercive control, rejection and the messages boys are absorbing about what it means to be a man. Most importantly, they explain why these conversations need to start long before our kids begin dating.

KEY POINTS

• Why jealousy, phone checking and location tracking can be mistaken for love or devotion
• Three questions that help teenagers recognise controlling behaviour
• Why conversations about consent should start when children are young
• Teaching kids to trust the feeling that says, “I don’t like this”
• Helping boys understand that rejection should be met with grace
• How online culture and unhealthy models of masculinity can shape boys’ ideas about relationships
• Why healthy relationships should leave people feeling safer and stronger
• Keeping conversations open so kids come to you when something doesn’t feel right

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Healthy males help the people around them feel safer and stronger.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Boys: Building Strong Men From the Inside Out by Dr Justin Coulson
• Victorian Attorney-General Sonya Kilkenny’s comments about coercive control
• Happy Families school parent presentations

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

Ask the three questions: When relationship behaviour comes up, ask, “Do you know that’s wrong?”, “Do you know that’s a red flag?” and “What does the other person think?”

Start consent conversations early: Teach younger children that they can say no to unwanted affection, scary play or anything that makes them uncomfortable.

Talk about what healthy masculinity looks like: Ask your child when they saw a boy or man help someone feel safer and stronger today.

Talk about the opposite: Ask when they saw someone leave another person feeling smaller or weaker, then discuss what made the behaviour different.

Keep talking: Make relationships, consent, pornography, online influences and red flags normal topics of conversation rather than one big awkward talk