Many moons ago, I had a little bit of a public spat with the one and only Wonderful Mea Friedman, who was on the record as saying I don't like to play with my kids. She's basically saying the kid's boring, they're not fun to play with. Fun is horrible, especially when the kids are a little bit, even when they're bigger. I don't want to play with them. They don't want to play with me. It's really really difficult. It's I don't know, And then you're exhausted, you're overworked, you burnt out, you just kind of want to have a bit of me time and the.

Many moons ago, I had a little bit of a public spat with the one and only Wonderful Mea Friedman, who was on the record as saying I don't like to play with my kids. She's basically saying the kid's boring, they're not fun to play with. Fun is horrible, especially when the kids are a little bit, even when they're bigger. I don't want to play with them. They don't want to play with me. It's really really difficult. It's I don't know, And then you're exhausted, you're overworked, you burnt out, you just kind of want to have a bit of me time and the.

Kids want to play. But there are so many benefits to it.

Kids want to play. But there are so many benefits to it.

And today we're going to talk about how we're supposed to play with our kids, especially when we sometimes don't want to and have a.

And today we're going to talk about how we're supposed to play with our kids, especially when we sometimes don't want to and have a.

Bad attitude towards it.

Bad attitude towards it.

Get a Welcome to The Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions every Day. This is Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast where Justin and Kylie Colson, parents have six kids who often want to play, and sometimes we're not that enthusiastic about it ourselves.

Get a Welcome to The Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions every Day. This is Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast where Justin and Kylie Colson, parents have six kids who often want to play, and sometimes we're not that enthusiastic about it ourselves.

Let's be honest.

Let's be honest.

One of my faith things. Either, I understand where me is coming from. And I think that a lot of times, as adults, we're so caught up in the to do list of our lives that we actually don't stop to smell the roses. How kids are the perfect barometer to help us do that, but we don't see it that way.

One of my faith things. Either, I understand where me is coming from. And I think that a lot of times, as adults, we're so caught up in the to do list of our lives that we actually don't stop to smell the roses. How kids are the perfect barometer to help us do that, but we don't see it that way.

So before we get into how to play with the kids, I just want to make the argument about why play matters. And you've got an early childcare background, you probably know as much, if not more, about this than I do as I do, but we've got to make the argument. And this argument doesn't just count for little kids. This is for big kids as well, teenagers, and even for one another as adults. Being playful changes relationships. Being playful changes life. And there's this great quote. I can't remember who said it. I think it was a guy called Rudolph Drikers, but I might be wrong on that.

So before we get into how to play with the kids, I just want to make the argument about why play matters. And you've got an early childcare background, you probably know as much, if not more, about this than I do as I do, but we've got to make the argument. And this argument doesn't just count for little kids. This is for big kids as well, teenagers, and even for one another as adults. Being playful changes relationships. Being playful changes life. And there's this great quote. I can't remember who said it. I think it was a guy called Rudolph Drikers, but I might be wrong on that.

He said, play is the work of childhood.

He said, play is the work of childhood.

Yeah, And I used to just go, Okay, that's a really simple five or six word quote. Play is the work of a seven word quote. But over time, as I've learned more about play, I've realized the depth, Like there's so much complexity. Yeah, so much complexity in that beautiful simple statement.

Yeah, And I used to just go, Okay, that's a really simple five or six word quote. Play is the work of a seven word quote. But over time, as I've learned more about play, I've realized the depth, Like there's so much complexity. Yeah, so much complexity in that beautiful simple statement.

The fundamental principle I took away from my training in early childhood all of those years ago, was just how essential play is for our kids. But while I think that most of us understand the importance of play for our kids, we don't recognize the value that we play a part in their play.

The fundamental principle I took away from my training in early childhood all of those years ago, was just how essential play is for our kids. But while I think that most of us understand the importance of play for our kids, we don't recognize the value that we play a part in their play.

So I'm going to extend it. I'm going to say, sometimes we treat play like a luxury item. It's what we do when we've got time, It's what we do when we're in a special place, it's what we do when the circumstances permit. But play is not a luxury item. Play is an essense essential.

So I'm going to extend it. I'm going to say, sometimes we treat play like a luxury item. It's what we do when we've got time, It's what we do when we're in a special place, it's what we do when the circumstances permit. But play is not a luxury item. Play is an essense essential.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, that's right.

And what we can talk about, the physical development, we can talk about. There are so many different areas of life where it overlaps. This is why it is the work of childhood. The area that I want to zero went in on today because we do a short podcasters oriented towards coming up with solutions. I want to talk about emotional intelligence. Play builds emotional intelligence. I do a whole lot of webinars and seminars and presentations and keynotes on emotional intelligence for executive leaders and for teachers and for parents. So I'm just going to give a quick definition of what emotional intelligence is. Emotional intelligence is when you're aware of and regulating your own emotions, and you're socially aware, so you can see how other people are feeling, and then you can regulate or navigate or manage interactions based on where you're at and.

And what we can talk about, the physical development, we can talk about. There are so many different areas of life where it overlaps. This is why it is the work of childhood. The area that I want to zero went in on today because we do a short podcasters oriented towards coming up with solutions. I want to talk about emotional intelligence. Play builds emotional intelligence. I do a whole lot of webinars and seminars and presentations and keynotes on emotional intelligence for executive leaders and for teachers and for parents. So I'm just going to give a quick definition of what emotional intelligence is. Emotional intelligence is when you're aware of and regulating your own emotions, and you're socially aware, so you can see how other people are feeling, and then you can regulate or navigate or manage interactions based on where you're at and.

Where other people are at.

Where other people are at.

Okay, So emotionally intelligent people recognize emotions, they react to others, and they're able to manage relationships effectively as a result.

Okay, So emotionally intelligent people recognize emotions, they react to others, and they're able to manage relationships effectively as a result.

And this it.

And this it.

Requires regulation in ambition, that requires the ability to turn your emotions up or down, and also not to manipulate, but certainly work with other people's emotions when they're up or down, and even bring them down or bring them up appropriately, not in a coercive, horrible way, but in a socially acceptable and desirable way. This is I think emotional intelligence is foundational for success in life, the ability to get along with people. Google's project Aristol years ago, most successful teams people had high emotional intelligence.

Requires regulation in ambition, that requires the ability to turn your emotions up or down, and also not to manipulate, but certainly work with other people's emotions when they're up or down, and even bring them down or bring them up appropriately, not in a coercive, horrible way, but in a socially acceptable and desirable way. This is I think emotional intelligence is foundational for success in life, the ability to get along with people. Google's project Aristol years ago, most successful teams people had high emotional intelligence.

They knew how to work with each other.

They knew how to work with each other.

I just think when you think about the importance of this and you think about our kids' school system. Oh, we've literally completely turned it all on its head.

I just think when you think about the importance of this and you think about our kids' school system. Oh, we've literally completely turned it all on its head.

So we're throwing a blanket over it.

So we're throwing a blanket over it.

I mean, there are plenty of teachers who are big on play, but overwhelmingly.

I mean, there are plenty of teachers who are big on play, but overwhelmingly.

Kids, our kids playtime has shortened, the equipment that's available to them, and the activities that they're allowed to participate in has massively re sure, like, just oh my goodness.

Kids, our kids playtime has shortened, the equipment that's available to them, and the activities that they're allowed to participate in has massively re sure, like, just oh my goodness.

Last week I was at a school and I gave the principle a bit of a hard time because we were talking about the importance of risky play for kids. And I called out to the audience and I just said, so, what was your favorite piece of play equipment when you were a kid? And somebody near the front straight away just shouted out the tree. Yeah, the tree, which was your answer when we talked about this on the plot a couple of months ago or maybe a year ago. And I just I made the comment, how many schools in Australia literally, how many schools in Australia have trees that kids can climb in at recess and lunch?

Last week I was at a school and I gave the principle a bit of a hard time because we were talking about the importance of risky play for kids. And I called out to the audience and I just said, so, what was your favorite piece of play equipment when you were a kid? And somebody near the front straight away just shouted out the tree. Yeah, the tree, which was your answer when we talked about this on the plot a couple of months ago or maybe a year ago. And I just I made the comment, how many schools in Australia literally, how many schools in Australia have trees that kids can climb in at recess and lunch?

They don't.

They don't.

It was actually the principal who put up his hand and said, none, they don't. The answer is zero.

It was actually the principal who put up his hand and said, none, they don't. The answer is zero.

One of the schools that our kids went to when they were younger. It was only a handful of years ago. They actually chopped the more down.

One of the schools that our kids went to when they were younger. It was only a handful of years ago. They actually chopped the more down.

Right, like, because you can't have a tree branch falling on somebody. There's too much liability. People are complaining that kids lack social skills and they're blaming screens. But the problem is the problem.

Right, like, because you can't have a tree branch falling on somebody. There's too much liability. People are complaining that kids lack social skills and they're blaming screens. But the problem is the problem.

Is there isn't an alternative.

Is there isn't an alternative.

That's right, they're not playing. They're not playing, so they go to screens and that's what they're doing. So if that's what emotional intelligence is, and play builds it better than anything, we need to talk about a parent's play playbook.

That's right, they're not playing. They're not playing, so they go to screens and that's what they're doing. So if that's what emotional intelligence is, and play builds it better than anything, we need to talk about a parent's play playbook.

Did I say that right? Parents?

Did I say that right? Parents?

Parents play?

Parents play?

Parents play? Yeah, we need a playbook for parents play. You know what I mean? That made sense? I got that right.

Parents play? Yeah, we need a playbook for parents play. You know what I mean? That made sense? I got that right.

Look at the times in our home where there is contention and tension, and it's amazing what happens when someone just chucks the honey.

Look at the times in our home where there is contention and tension, and it's amazing what happens when someone just chucks the honey.

As opposed to chucks of wablick.

As opposed to chucks of wablick.

Yeah, yes, somebody makes a joke or kind of. One of the easiest ways to change the tide in our house is literally, did I see a smile?

Yeah, yes, somebody makes a joke or kind of. One of the easiest ways to change the tide in our house is literally, did I see a smile?

I do that to the kids all the time, and they hate it, but they love it because it's playful. It's not snide, it's not nasty, it's did I just see a smile?

I do that to the kids all the time, and they hate it, but they love it because it's playful. It's not snide, it's not nasty, it's did I just see a smile?

And it's not get over yourself. It's literally like, come on, we can move through this. Yeah, we don't have to hold on to it. We don't need to see. It doesn't work.

And it's not get over yourself. It's literally like, come on, we can move through this. Yeah, we don't have to hold on to it. We don't need to see. It doesn't work.

All the time. It doesn't work all the time.

All the time. It doesn't work all the time.

Here's what I would put into the parents' playbook for play with the kids, Number one, and again with fifteen year olds, and with five year olds, and with two year olds, and with twenty two year olds and even with each other.

Here's what I would put into the parents' playbook for play with the kids, Number one, and again with fifteen year olds, and with five year olds, and with two year olds, and with twenty two year olds and even with each other.

Number one.

Number one.

It's got to be dynamic and in the moment, like when you try to structure it sometimes it feels more like a burden or a chore.

It's got to be dynamic and in the moment, like when you try to structure it sometimes it feels more like a burden or a chore.

I agree.

I agree.

Number two.

Number two.

Where you are doesn't matter. It can be in the playground, it could be in the kitchen. It could be in on the trampoline. It can be in the car, it can be walking down the street with a puppy dog on a leash. Anywhere works so long as you've got a playful mindset and the other person is consenting and along with it. I think the key ingredient when it comes to really high quality play is actually there are two. It's going to be playful for both of you. So when Mia Friedman was saying I don't like playing with.

Where you are doesn't matter. It can be in the playground, it could be in the kitchen. It could be in on the trampoline. It can be in the car, it can be walking down the street with a puppy dog on a leash. Anywhere works so long as you've got a playful mindset and the other person is consenting and along with it. I think the key ingredient when it comes to really high quality play is actually there are two. It's going to be playful for both of you. So when Mia Friedman was saying I don't like playing with.

My kids, she's probably saying I don't want to sit down on the mat and play Barbie Dolls with her for the fifteenth deeenth.

My kids, she's probably saying I don't want to sit down on the mat and play Barbie Dolls with her for the fifteenth deeenth.

That's right.

That's right.

I don't want to do this imaginary thing where we talk about dragons and dinosaurs. Yah.

I don't want to do this imaginary thing where we talk about dragons and dinosaurs. Yah.

And I've got to put on voices and I'm going to wear a silly wig and yeah.

And I've got to put on voices and I'm going to wear a silly wig and yeah.

That's not play, that's work.

That's not play, that's work.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Whereas play when it's both of you, there's a linguistic back and forth, there's a toggle that engages creativity. There's a playful attitude and the play.

Whereas play when it's both of you, there's a linguistic back and forth, there's a toggle that engages creativity. There's a playful attitude and the play.

And it no longer feels like work because it's about connection.

And it no longer feels like work because it's about connection.

Well, it's about connection seen Hurd and value. That's mission right, But specifically, when you think about the most fun play, and I feel like I'm having a bit of an insight live as we have this conversation. The most playful we feel is when we are conversing. So you might be playing barbies, or you might be playing footy or ping pong, but it's not the activity. It's the linguistic back and forth. It's the conversation that makes it playful. You and I can be having a playful game of ping pong, or we can be breeding threatening rantings at one another as we try to defeat each other.

Well, it's about connection seen Hurd and value. That's mission right, But specifically, when you think about the most fun play, and I feel like I'm having a bit of an insight live as we have this conversation. The most playful we feel is when we are conversing. So you might be playing barbies, or you might be playing footy or ping pong, but it's not the activity. It's the linguistic back and forth. It's the conversation that makes it playful. You and I can be having a playful game of ping pong, or we can be breeding threatening rantings at one another as we try to defeat each other.

One of them is playful, one of them is not.

One of them is playful, one of them is not.

We can be in the kitchen and we can be playfully doing the dishes, or we can be getting annoyed because I can't believe how many dishes there are and I'm tired. So play is about the attitude we bring, and it's about the linguistic back and forth. To me, those are the essential elements of the playbook.

We can be in the kitchen and we can be playfully doing the dishes, or we can be getting annoyed because I can't believe how many dishes there are and I'm tired. So play is about the attitude we bring, and it's about the linguistic back and forth. To me, those are the essential elements of the playbook.

If I was going to add anything, it would be for parents to remember that this doesn't have to be this big, long, convoluted experience.

If I was going to add anything, it would be for parents to remember that this doesn't have to be this big, long, convoluted experience.

Right buckleey in, we're playing for the next three hours.

Right buckleey in, we're playing for the next three hours.

You spend five or ten minutes with your kids in a fun, interactive interaction that does wonders for them and for the relationship that you share. I love the idea of making them the center of your world. You've talked about this multiple times. The idea of what does your face say when you see them? You know you do you light up when they walk into the room. If they feel that, that's instant connection.

You spend five or ten minutes with your kids in a fun, interactive interaction that does wonders for them and for the relationship that you share. I love the idea of making them the center of your world. You've talked about this multiple times. The idea of what does your face say when you see them? You know you do you light up when they walk into the room. If they feel that, that's instant connection.

I'm just thinking about what you've said there, not so much about making them the center of the universe and you're face lighting up, although that is part of this. But when you sit down, I want to go back to your five or ten minute idea. When you sit down and just say I'm going to commit to this for five or ten minutes.

I'm just thinking about what you've said there, not so much about making them the center of the universe and you're face lighting up, although that is part of this. But when you sit down, I want to go back to your five or ten minute idea. When you sit down and just say I'm going to commit to this for five or ten minutes.

I'm going to be all in.

I'm going to be all in.

Even if you're not all in at the start, give us solid five or ten minutes, and you start to really enjoy yourself.

Even if you're not all in at the start, give us solid five or ten minutes, and you start to really enjoy yourself.

It's about intention. I really think it's about intention. Too often we're just kind of going through the motions. But if we make an intentional decision I'm all in for ten minutes or for five minutes. If you can't handle ten, more times than not, you actually find that the time disappears and it's not ten minutes, it's twenty or twenty five.

It's about intention. I really think it's about intention. Too often we're just kind of going through the motions. But if we make an intentional decision I'm all in for ten minutes or for five minutes. If you can't handle ten, more times than not, you actually find that the time disappears and it's not ten minutes, it's twenty or twenty five.

That's right.

That's right.

Then you sort of get into that flow of it. I use this analogy all the time of the Space Shuttle. To get into orbit, it takes ten minutes. It's got to go twenty eight thousand kilometers an hour, But the first minute, first ten seconds one hundred k's an hour, first minute, one thousand k's an hour, the amount of fuel that it goes through in those first few minutes. But by the time it's doing twenty eight thousand k's an hour and it hits orbit and it drops those tanks and then it's in.

Then you sort of get into that flow of it. I use this analogy all the time of the Space Shuttle. To get into orbit, it takes ten minutes. It's got to go twenty eight thousand kilometers an hour, But the first minute, first ten seconds one hundred k's an hour, first minute, one thousand k's an hour, the amount of fuel that it goes through in those first few minutes. But by the time it's doing twenty eight thousand k's an hour and it hits orbit and it drops those tanks and then it's in.

Orbit, it doesn't use any fuel at all. Really, when it's in orbit, it only needs.

Orbit, it doesn't use any fuel at all. Really, when it's in orbit, it only needs.

Enough fuel to come back to Earth once it's finished orbiting. And I think play with the kids is the same. You've just got to get in. You've just got to get through that first ten seconds, that first one minute, that first ten minutes, get.

Enough fuel to come back to Earth once it's finished orbiting. And I think play with the kids is the same. You've just got to get in. You've just got to get through that first ten seconds, that first one minute, that first ten minutes, get.

Through that and you're in orbit. It becomes I'm going to say, effortless.

Through that and you're in orbit. It becomes I'm going to say, effortless.

You get into the flow, you get into the moment, and it's beautiful and Kylie, I think the most important thing to highlight here is a lot of people say, well, I don't have it, I don't have the energy, I'm exhausted, I don't have the commitment, I'm not willing to do it. And apart from that, what am I going to do? Play with them all the time? You don't need to, Like, once you get through that first ten, fifteen, twenty minutes, if you need to pull yourself away. Your child's cup is full and they're playing, and you can usually set them up with other activities that don't involve screens and they'll be fine. They'll be regulated because they've had you, they've had all of you. It's worked for them.

You get into the flow, you get into the moment, and it's beautiful and Kylie, I think the most important thing to highlight here is a lot of people say, well, I don't have it, I don't have the energy, I'm exhausted, I don't have the commitment, I'm not willing to do it. And apart from that, what am I going to do? Play with them all the time? You don't need to, Like, once you get through that first ten, fifteen, twenty minutes, if you need to pull yourself away. Your child's cup is full and they're playing, and you can usually set them up with other activities that don't involve screens and they'll be fine. They'll be regulated because they've had you, they've had all of you. It's worked for them.

But I think there's another benefit that comes from it. As adults, we don't actually recognize the power of play in our own lives. We live busy, harried lives and we've got this massive to do list, and we don't realize the power of taking a break and finding something to be joyful about. Connection and creative literally unlock energy.

But I think there's another benefit that comes from it. As adults, we don't actually recognize the power of play in our own lives. We live busy, harried lives and we've got this massive to do list, and we don't realize the power of taking a break and finding something to be joyful about. Connection and creative literally unlock energy.

But it also unlocks your children's skills. We need to wrap this up. Our podcast timing, we always go too long. There's so much that we could talk about here, Like we could literally do a two hour pot on this if.

But it also unlocks your children's skills. We need to wrap this up. Our podcast timing, we always go too long. There's so much that we could talk about here, Like we could literally do a two hour pot on this if.

I was to give you some ideas. Yep, these are really simple things and you're probably actually already doing them, but don't recognize them as being playful. Bedtime, book reading, spending time together at the end of the day, reading books, voices, having conversations.

I was to give you some ideas. Yep, these are really simple things and you're probably actually already doing them, but don't recognize them as being playful. Bedtime, book reading, spending time together at the end of the day, reading books, voices, having conversations.

And I don't even care if you want to rile the kids up, just a little bit with some tickles and some rough and tumble at bedtime, they will be okay. Why because they feel connected and it's just good for them. I'm just putting it out there. I know people don't like it. I know it goes against all the sleep rules, but I've found that with our kids, they've always been okay, even if we've riled them up a little bit.

And I don't even care if you want to rile the kids up, just a little bit with some tickles and some rough and tumble at bedtime, they will be okay. Why because they feel connected and it's just good for them. I'm just putting it out there. I know people don't like it. I know it goes against all the sleep rules, but I've found that with our kids, they've always been okay, even if we've riled them up a little bit.

Making magic moments out of the mundane.

Making magic moments out of the mundane.

You're really good at this. This is something that I've never understood, never never quite gotten my head around.

You're really good at this. This is something that I've never understood, never never quite gotten my head around.

But you do this so well, whether it's you know, can you hop on one foot to the bathroom? Can you walk as quiet as a mouse as you go and brush your teeth? Can you you blink all the way to the car? Like? Whatever it is?

But you do this so well, whether it's you know, can you hop on one foot to the bathroom? Can you walk as quiet as a mouse as you go and brush your teeth? Can you you blink all the way to the car? Like? Whatever it is?

Because it just doesn't work so well for seventeen year olds, but the three year olds love it.

Because it just doesn't work so well for seventeen year olds, but the three year olds love it.

Just giving them a little action to do, and you're increasing their capacity to kind of do tasks.

Just giving them a little action to do, and you're increasing their capacity to kind of do tasks.

So let's talk about what to do because our time is up. This builds motional intelligence, it builds relationship foundations, problem solving abilities, perspective taking skills. That's what play does. That's why it's the work of childhood. Your task, your task this week, because this is about you making your family happier, is to find a five to ten minute window each day this week where your child can have your full attention and you can be playful. Just choose a really mundane activity and gamify it. Maybe it's getting dressed, maybe it's a car ride, maybe it's cleaning up the kitchen.

So let's talk about what to do because our time is up. This builds motional intelligence, it builds relationship foundations, problem solving abilities, perspective taking skills. That's what play does. That's why it's the work of childhood. Your task, your task this week, because this is about you making your family happier, is to find a five to ten minute window each day this week where your child can have your full attention and you can be playful. Just choose a really mundane activity and gamify it. Maybe it's getting dressed, maybe it's a car ride, maybe it's cleaning up the kitchen.

Or the living room or the bedroom.

Or the living room or the bedroom.

And let them lead, let them guide you support as you say, Hey, how can we make this fun? This is not about perfection. This is about connection and presence, and I think you'll get really big returns, really big returns from what is fundamentally a fairly small investment. Play is not meant to be an overwhelming Oh my goodness, I can't do it. It's one more thing on our list. It's actually part of what we do to integrate happiness into family life, and it helps kids to develop the emotional skills that they need for life. So start small, be consistent, watch their confidence and connection grow.

And let them lead, let them guide you support as you say, Hey, how can we make this fun? This is not about perfection. This is about connection and presence, and I think you'll get really big returns, really big returns from what is fundamentally a fairly small investment. Play is not meant to be an overwhelming Oh my goodness, I can't do it. It's one more thing on our list. It's actually part of what we do to integrate happiness into family life, and it helps kids to develop the emotional skills that they need for life. So start small, be consistent, watch their confidence and connection grow.

Thanks so much for listening.

Thanks so much for listening.

We'll be back tomorrow with another tricky question on the Happy Families podcast. Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media, and if you'd like more info about making your family happier, you'll find it at happy families dot com dot au

We'll be back tomorrow with another tricky question on the Happy Families podcast. Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media, and if you'd like more info about making your family happier, you'll find it at happy families dot com dot au