One of the most popular books that I've been hearing about for a couple of months now on podcasts everywhere is from the number one podcast on the planet. Her name is Mel Robbins and the book is called The Let Them Theory, The Let Them Theory. I've been too busy writing my own book to read this one, but Kylie, missus Happy Families, has spent the last couple of weeks diving deep into this New York Times bestseller that has boomed up the charts everywhere. And today we tell you what that let Them theory is and what it means for peace, serenity, calm, bliss and all the good things in your life. I think I don't actually know what Kylie's going to say. Gooday, thanks so much for joining us on the Happy Families podcast, Real Parenting Solutions every single day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Colson. All Right, Kylie, let's get straight into it. You're not the expert on the let Them Theory.

One of the most popular books that I've been hearing about for a couple of months now on podcasts everywhere is from the number one podcast on the planet. Her name is Mel Robbins and the book is called The Let Them Theory, The Let Them Theory. I've been too busy writing my own book to read this one, but Kylie, missus Happy Families, has spent the last couple of weeks diving deep into this New York Times bestseller that has boomed up the charts everywhere. And today we tell you what that let Them theory is and what it means for peace, serenity, calm, bliss and all the good things in your life. I think I don't actually know what Kylie's going to say. Gooday, thanks so much for joining us on the Happy Families podcast, Real Parenting Solutions every single day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Colson. All Right, Kylie, let's get straight into it. You're not the expert on the let Them Theory.

Well, what's the actual title of the book, They Let Them Theory, that's it.

Well, what's the actual title of the book, They Let Them Theory, that's it.

But let Them Theory? Okay, what is if you can tell me? Well, you're not the expert and didn't write the book. What is the let them theory?

But let Them Theory? Okay, what is if you can tell me? Well, you're not the expert and didn't write the book. What is the let them theory?

Well, I'm actually going to let mail tell you. I'm going to read a little excerpt from the beginning of a book because it's just it's such a profound thought. If you're if you're reading this book wanting someone to mody coddle you and to speak gently, she is not the person. She speaks hard truth and they can be hard to swallow.

Well, I'm actually going to let mail tell you. I'm going to read a little excerpt from the beginning of a book because it's just it's such a profound thought. If you're if you're reading this book wanting someone to mody coddle you and to speak gently, she is not the person. She speaks hard truth and they can be hard to swallow.

Slap in the belly with a wet fish.

Slap in the belly with a wet fish.

Yeah, a little bit maybe across that, a little bit.

Yeah, a little bit maybe across that, a little bit.

Maybe, But this is what she says.

Maybe, But this is what she says.

Ok, she says.

Ok, she says.

The let them theory is about freedom, two simple words, let them.

The let them theory is about freedom, two simple words, let them.

I thought you're going to say.

I thought you're going to say.

Freedom will free you from the burden of trying to manage other people. When you stop obsessing over what other people think, say, or do, you finally have the energy to focus on your own life. You stop reacting and start living. Instead of driving yourself crazy trying to manage or please other people, you'll learn to let them. So what does this look like? Imagine you're at work and your colleague is in a bad mood. Instead of letting their negativity affect you, you just say let them, let them be grumpy, it's not your problem. Focus on your work and how you feel.

Freedom will free you from the burden of trying to manage other people. When you stop obsessing over what other people think, say, or do, you finally have the energy to focus on your own life. You stop reacting and start living. Instead of driving yourself crazy trying to manage or please other people, you'll learn to let them. So what does this look like? Imagine you're at work and your colleague is in a bad mood. Instead of letting their negativity affect you, you just say let them, let them be grumpy, it's not your problem. Focus on your work and how you feel.

I've got to cut you off for a sec. This sounds like that thing that I said to you about ten years ago that really changed our relationship. I felt like you were cranky at me. I felt like you were going through a really, really really rough time.

I've got to cut you off for a sec. This sounds like that thing that I said to you about ten years ago that really changed our relationship. I felt like you were cranky at me. I felt like you were going through a really, really really rough time.

I felt like I was.

I felt like I was.

Doing everything I could to support you and it wasn't working. And one day I said, I'm not going to let you be in a bad mood affect my mood, Like if I'm going to have a good day, I'm having a good day, and I'm satisfied to just let you have a bad day. But I still love you and I'm here to support you. But you get to choose your mood.

Doing everything I could to support you and it wasn't working. And one day I said, I'm not going to let you be in a bad mood affect my mood, Like if I'm going to have a good day, I'm having a good day, and I'm satisfied to just let you have a bad day. But I still love you and I'm here to support you. But you get to choose your mood.

And I think, generally speaking, men are a lot better at differentiating between someone else's emotion and their own, so able to detach.

And I think, generally speaking, men are a lot better at differentiating between someone else's emotion and their own, so able to detach.

Okay, you're upset, you can be upset. I'm going to go about my day. That's kind of what she's saying. That's one hundred Okay, So if my mother in law drives me crazy, my mother in law's look at me and saying, well, if you want to be upset at me.

Okay, you're upset, you can be upset. I'm going to go about my day. That's kind of what she's saying. That's one hundred Okay, So if my mother in law drives me crazy, my mother in law's look at me and saying, well, if you want to be upset at me.

That's your choice.

That's your choice.

But I'm seventy years old and I'm going to live the life that I want to live. Yeah, this is the anti change.

But I'm seventy years old and I'm going to live the life that I want to live. Yeah, this is the anti change.

Other people book? Got it? Just you?

Other people book? Got it? Just you?

Do you?

Do you?

So?

So?

Maybe your dad makes another comment about your life choices and it hits you like a brick. Instead of letting it ruin your day, just let him. Let him have his opinions. They don't change who you are, or what you've accomplished, or your right to make decisions that make you happy. The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to that.

Maybe your dad makes another comment about your life choices and it hits you like a brick. Instead of letting it ruin your day, just let him. Let him have his opinions. They don't change who you are, or what you've accomplished, or your right to make decisions that make you happy. The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to that.

I'm thinking of so many people we need to give this book case.

I'm thinking of so many people we need to give this book case.

Here's how it works.

Here's how it works.

Are you still going?

Are you still going?

When you stop trying to control things that aren't yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You recclaim your time, your peace of mind, your focus. You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not somebody else's behavior, opinions, or moods. They let them. Theory will teach you that the more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets.

When you stop trying to control things that aren't yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You recclaim your time, your peace of mind, your focus. You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not somebody else's behavior, opinions, or moods. They let them. Theory will teach you that the more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, okay, I love what's going on here. I love what the book is about. When I hear this, though, one of the great challenges that I'm confronted with is as a parent. As a parent, you can't just let the Yes, you can let the kids have a big emotional outburst. I'm really good at saying, you know what, kids, if you want to be upset about this, I get it. I still love you. I'm trying to help you. But if you don't want to talk to me, if you want to be cranky, that's on you. I'm here when you're ready. So I get that. But you also can't let your children go and behavior responsibly. You know, you have responsibility to socialize them.

Okay, okay, I love what's going on here. I love what the book is about. When I hear this, though, one of the great challenges that I'm confronted with is as a parent. As a parent, you can't just let the Yes, you can let the kids have a big emotional outburst. I'm really good at saying, you know what, kids, if you want to be upset about this, I get it. I still love you. I'm trying to help you. But if you don't want to talk to me, if you want to be cranky, that's on you. I'm here when you're ready. So I get that. But you also can't let your children go and behavior responsibly. You know, you have responsibility to socialize them.

That's exactly right. Your role as a parent is to parent them, so to safeguard them and to yes and to them navigate. Yes.

That's exactly right. Your role as a parent is to parent them, so to safeguard them and to yes and to them navigate. Yes.

Does she have any content about because you're.

Does she have any content about because you're.

Not specifically in this book, she.

Not specifically in this book, she.

Does adult the adult.

Does adult the adult.

That's exactly right, and she does acknowledge that a parental relationship with your child is different, especially with young children. But she has something that you could go and look on an ebook and have access to. There's just one other thing that's really important when we think about the let them theory. She said, too often people stop there at letting other people have their emotions, have their opinions. But there's actually more to it. There's two steps. So she said, the let them theory isn't just let them. Yes, it begins with these two words, but that's not the whole story. Let them is just the first half of the equation. There is a second, even more crucial step to this theory, which is let me. So this book is actually not about other people. It's about us and what we choose to do following our acceptance of other people's behavior, opinions, thoughts, emotions, and everything that goes with that.

That's exactly right, and she does acknowledge that a parental relationship with your child is different, especially with young children. But she has something that you could go and look on an ebook and have access to. There's just one other thing that's really important when we think about the let them theory. She said, too often people stop there at letting other people have their emotions, have their opinions. But there's actually more to it. There's two steps. So she said, the let them theory isn't just let them. Yes, it begins with these two words, but that's not the whole story. Let them is just the first half of the equation. There is a second, even more crucial step to this theory, which is let me. So this book is actually not about other people. It's about us and what we choose to do following our acceptance of other people's behavior, opinions, thoughts, emotions, and everything that goes with that.

Okay, Okay, after the break, what Kylie loved most about this book? Because my sense is you liked it a lot. Okay, Kylie, they let them theory. Mel Robin's the number one book that everyone's talking about. She's the number one podcaster globally. Wouldn't mind if we were the number one podcasts globally, but we're not there yet. Can everyone just tell everyone about this podcast like I think we do a I think we do a good pod. Jump online, leave us a five star rating and review. Maybe that'll help us to move up the charts a little bit.

Okay, Okay, after the break, what Kylie loved most about this book? Because my sense is you liked it a lot. Okay, Kylie, they let them theory. Mel Robin's the number one book that everyone's talking about. She's the number one podcaster globally. Wouldn't mind if we were the number one podcasts globally, but we're not there yet. Can everyone just tell everyone about this podcast like I think we do a I think we do a good pod. Jump online, leave us a five star rating and review. Maybe that'll help us to move up the charts a little bit.

Gee Whiz, please please pretty, please do it?

Gee Whiz, please please pretty, please do it?

Is this the bit where you say, just let them do what they want?

Is this the bit where you say, just let them do what they want?

Is that the bit what you said I.

Is that the bit what you said I.

Was about to say, maybe just write a bit of book.

Was about to say, maybe just write a bit of book.

Oh it hurt a lot, the pain, the pain that we are both going through as I'm writing this current book.

Oh it hurt a lot, the pain, the pain that we are both going through as I'm writing this current book.

It better be worth it.

It better be worth it.

It better be worth it.

It better be worth it.

Oh okay, what did you love most about Mel Robin's They'll let Them Theory book?

Oh okay, what did you love most about Mel Robin's They'll let Them Theory book?

I'm going to share with you three main things that I took away from this. The first one she calls hacking your stress response. She says, the moment anything happens that stresses you out, literally say the words let them put yourself in pause, then say let me and take a breath, Let me take another breath. Slow your stress response, calm your body and brain down, take control and regain your power. I love the fact that she just in these few simple steps, what happens when somebody aggravates us?

I'm going to share with you three main things that I took away from this. The first one she calls hacking your stress response. She says, the moment anything happens that stresses you out, literally say the words let them put yourself in pause, then say let me and take a breath, Let me take another breath. Slow your stress response, calm your body and brain down, take control and regain your power. I love the fact that she just in these few simple steps, what happens when somebody aggravates us?

Oh?

Oh?

Well, we we respond reactively. We I mean, sometimes we ignore it. Sometimes you turn against or turn away. Right, That's the way that I normally talk about it.

Well, we we respond reactively. We I mean, sometimes we ignore it. Sometimes you turn against or turn away. Right, That's the way that I normally talk about it.

If you're not a confrontational person, you might not actually have anything to do with the purpose you will ruminate over that, You'll keep going over the conversation.

If you're not a confrontational person, you might not actually have anything to do with the purpose you will ruminate over that, You'll keep going over the conversation.

I should have said that instead exactly.

I should have said that instead exactly.

Exactly, and so we actually Number one, give our power to them. All of our energy is focused on that scenario, and we can no longer move forward in positive ways. And the idea and the science back behind taking a breath and stopping ourselves between stimulus and response is so powerful. And I just love the reminder that I get to regain my power by acknowledging I can't change you, but I can change how I choose to see this and respond to it.

Exactly, and so we actually Number one, give our power to them. All of our energy is focused on that scenario, and we can no longer move forward in positive ways. And the idea and the science back behind taking a breath and stopping ourselves between stimulus and response is so powerful. And I just love the reminder that I get to regain my power by acknowledging I can't change you, but I can change how I choose to see this and respond to it.

You love it.

You love it.

Number two the power of let me. This is really this is so good.

Number two the power of let me. This is really this is so good.

I love this book.

I love this book.

I love seeing you enjoy a book. It's been an ages since I've seen this.

I love seeing you enjoy a book. It's been an ages since I've seen this.

She said. Regardless of what circumstances and situations of which you find yourself, using the let them theory, you'll learn that no matter how big the problem is or how stressful something feels, there's always something you can do through your actions and attitudes to make it better. That is the power of let me. You can't control everyone around you, or the world at large, or what people are doing at the park, but you can always control what you say, what you think, or what you do in response.

She said. Regardless of what circumstances and situations of which you find yourself, using the let them theory, you'll learn that no matter how big the problem is or how stressful something feels, there's always something you can do through your actions and attitudes to make it better. That is the power of let me. You can't control everyone around you, or the world at large, or what people are doing at the park, but you can always control what you say, what you think, or what you do in response.

I've got to jump in on you with what you're talking about here. This is the ultimate don't be a victim book. That's what I'm hearing you say. I know that that sounds really offensive. And some people, well, like I said, say for what I'm saying, but you said this.

I've got to jump in on you with what you're talking about here. This is the ultimate don't be a victim book. That's what I'm hearing you say. I know that that sounds really offensive. And some people, well, like I said, say for what I'm saying, but you said this.

Is I said that at the beginning, she says, some like she hard truth, really hard truth, even to the point that you are in the wrong. Yeah, like literally, you are in the wrong. If you're feeling x Y and Z about x y and Z, then you're in the wrong.

Is I said that at the beginning, she says, some like she hard truth, really hard truth, even to the point that you are in the wrong. Yeah, like literally, you are in the wrong. If you're feeling x Y and Z about x y and Z, then you're in the wrong.

I'm hearing take responsibility for you and let other people be themselves. Does she make the point that if people really cross a line, that you have to act though.

I'm hearing take responsibility for you and let other people be themselves. Does she make the point that if people really cross a line, that you have to act though.

Yes, of course she acknowledges you're not supposed to be a doormat. Yeah, but that's where you get to decide. Am I going to stay in this relationship? Is this a relationship that builds me, lifts me up?

Yes, of course she acknowledges you're not supposed to be a doormat. Yeah, but that's where you get to decide. Am I going to stay in this relationship? Is this a relationship that builds me, lifts me up?

Am I going to put a boundary in here and say you've just crossed the line?

Am I going to put a boundary in here and say you've just crossed the line?

Yes?

Yes?

All right, great, Yes, what's the third thing?

All right, great, Yes, what's the third thing?

We are nearly out of time, and I feel like, I need to pick up this book and read it as well.

We are nearly out of time, and I feel like, I need to pick up this book and read it as well.

It sounds like fun.

It sounds like fun.

The last thing that she makes is don't be the person who bends over backwards to make everyone happy. She said, someone is always going to be disappointed by the decisions that you make. Love it. This is so powerful and as she shared the experience that led her to this belief, I was just thinking about all the times I have done this.

The last thing that she makes is don't be the person who bends over backwards to make everyone happy. She said, someone is always going to be disappointed by the decisions that you make. Love it. This is so powerful and as she shared the experience that led her to this belief, I was just thinking about all the times I have done this.

Give me the short version of the experience.

Give me the short version of the experience.

So one weekend, her best friend is having a milestone birthday. They're going away for the weekend. It's a four hour drive in one direction. But months previous to this, there's another commitment invitation. Her parents have acknowledged that her grandparents will be in town and she's promised that she will be with them for the weekend. So torn her totally torn. Number One, she wants to be a good friend, but she also wants to be a good daughter and a grand grander. So she decides there's only one solution. She's going to drive the four hours to spend the night with her best friend and the girls get completely sloshed, have asleep, wake up the next morning, and while everyone's still sleeping, it off she gets in the car and she drives to her mum's place. It's not until a few days later that she's catching up with her friends and somebody acknowledges that the birthday girl was really disappointed and made the comment that why did she even bother to show up?

So one weekend, her best friend is having a milestone birthday. They're going away for the weekend. It's a four hour drive in one direction. But months previous to this, there's another commitment invitation. Her parents have acknowledged that her grandparents will be in town and she's promised that she will be with them for the weekend. So torn her totally torn. Number One, she wants to be a good friend, but she also wants to be a good daughter and a grand grander. So she decides there's only one solution. She's going to drive the four hours to spend the night with her best friend and the girls get completely sloshed, have asleep, wake up the next morning, and while everyone's still sleeping, it off she gets in the car and she drives to her mum's place. It's not until a few days later that she's catching up with her friends and somebody acknowledges that the birthday girl was really disappointed and made the comment that why did she even bother to show up?

If she could, if she's going next morning weekend?

If she could, if she's going next morning weekend?

Yeah. Meantime, when she showed up at her parents' house, her mum gave her a big hug and whispered in her ear, I need you to know, Grandma was really disappointed. You won't here last.

Yeah. Meantime, when she showed up at her parents' house, her mum gave her a big hug and whispered in her ear, I need you to know, Grandma was really disappointed. You won't here last.

Just keep it to yourself, mum, Like you see.

Just keep it to yourself, mum, Like you see.

Can you see just in that situation, she's tried in her in the only way she knows how to please both people and please no one, and she hasn't.

Can you see just in that situation, she's tried in her in the only way she knows how to please both people and please no one, and she hasn't.

Pleased and no one has.

Pleased and no one has.

The sad thing about that for me is there's no gratitude, there's no grace.

The sad thing about that for me is there's no gratitude, there's no grace.

That's right.

That's right.

People aren't saying Mel's got so much on and at least she made the time to do something. Instead they're saying, why did she bother? I mean to me, that's that's an indictment on them. And Mel needs new relatives and new friends.

People aren't saying Mel's got so much on and at least she made the time to do something. Instead they're saying, why did she bother? I mean to me, that's that's an indictment on them. And Mel needs new relatives and new friends.

Draw some boundaries. Mail Robins.

Draw some boundaries. Mail Robins.

But as I read that, I was thinking of all the times that I have turned my life upside down, twisted into a hundred different knots and like a breath, directions to please everyone, and I've had similar outcomes, and I'm left feeling less than whole and seriously upset and disappointed.

But as I read that, I was thinking of all the times that I have turned my life upside down, twisted into a hundred different knots and like a breath, directions to please everyone, and I've had similar outcomes, and I'm left feeling less than whole and seriously upset and disappointed.

Okay, that there.

Okay, that there.

Is just no grace of it in spite of my very best efforts, It's not enough. And so the things that I love about this book the acknowledgment that I can't change anyone else. This is not new, This is not new. But in me taking on that thought process of let them, I literally am able to just say you have every right to feel that way. I know you disappointed that I didn't get to spend the weekend with you, but I feel good about the decision I made to come and spend time with you.

Is just no grace of it in spite of my very best efforts, It's not enough. And so the things that I love about this book the acknowledgment that I can't change anyone else. This is not new, This is not new. But in me taking on that thought process of let them, I literally am able to just say you have every right to feel that way. I know you disappointed that I didn't get to spend the weekend with you, but I feel good about the decision I made to come and spend time with you.

We're out of time, But I've got a question for you. Yes, have you been using any of the let them theory on me or our kids?

We're out of time, But I've got a question for you. Yes, have you been using any of the let them theory on me or our kids?

No? I haven't, But I've had a situation just in the last few weeks. It has been really troubling for me, and for a handful of days, I've really been ruminating over the way other people have chosen to respond to a decision that I made. And the problem is, we know why we make the decisions we make.

No? I haven't, But I've had a situation just in the last few weeks. It has been really troubling for me, and for a handful of days, I've really been ruminating over the way other people have chosen to respond to a decision that I made. And the problem is, we know why we make the decisions we make.

Yeah, when you're intimately trying to be helpful, that's right.

Yeah, when you're intimately trying to be helpful, that's right.

And you're thinking about everybody being a people pleaser, I'm thinking about everyone and trying to make everybody happy in the scenario. But there are plenty of people who are not happy with the decision that I made, and I was getting myself all worked up about it, and then I woke up one morning and I just thought, you know what, them, It's okay that they feel this way. No, not from a.

And you're thinking about everybody being a people pleaser, I'm thinking about everyone and trying to make everybody happy in the scenario. But there are plenty of people who are not happy with the decision that I made, and I was getting myself all worked up about it, and then I woke up one morning and I just thought, you know what, them, It's okay that they feel this way. No, not from a.

It's not from a it's a smug arrogance in your.

It's not from a it's a smug arrogance in your.

Face, it literally is. I can see why you would feel that way. It's okay that you feel that way. That's not why I made the decision, and I didn't make it with that intent, but I can see how that decision may have impacted you in that way, and that's okay. It's not mine to fix it's that's theirs. My role is to take control of the things I can control. I can't control them, but I can control how I think, how I choose to respond and How I Act.

Face, it literally is. I can see why you would feel that way. It's okay that you feel that way. That's not why I made the decision, and I didn't make it with that intent, but I can see how that decision may have impacted you in that way, and that's okay. It's not mine to fix it's that's theirs. My role is to take control of the things I can control. I can't control them, but I can control how I think, how I choose to respond and How I Act.

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins is Kylie Coulson's new favorite book. Fair call It's pretty good.

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins is Kylie Coulson's new favorite book. Fair call It's pretty good.

We will into it in the show notes. If you would like to click on the link and grab a copy.

We will into it in the show notes. If you would like to click on the link and grab a copy.

The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rouland from Bridge Media, and if you'd like more information about making your family happier and navigating those tricky relationships, jump online to Happy Families dot com dot a

The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rouland from Bridge Media, and if you'd like more information about making your family happier and navigating those tricky relationships, jump online to Happy Families dot com dot a