Do You Need A Ride? with Chris Fairbanks and Karen KilgariffThis week, Chris and Karen chat about mild electrocution, mustard on pizza and more!
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Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there.
Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a termino and gage.
We want to send you off in style.
We wanna welcome you back home.
Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need you ride? Ride? Do you need with Karen and Chris.
Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbank and.
This is Karen Kilgariff.
We are driving, we're running and recording in case this is your first time with us.
Hello, if you've just tuned in, where have you been? Yeah? Why now?
I mean it's been fucking years.
Everyone's been talking about it around your water cooler.
And you're just saying no, no, I can't hear.
That right now? Why you know I did.
My only experience in an office is when I briefly hang out in the.
Lobby to pick you guys up. Yeah, and uh, I you were kind of hanging out by a water cooler.
Yes, we we're a real.
Thing, and we were we were hanging up by water cool talking about pizza, different kinds of pizza. It was as if somebody was like, we need you to act like you work in an office.
Yeah it was. You were CODs playing ass office workers.
Yes we were, and we were nailing it too because we were truly enjoying ourselves to the point where, because if I may, I the other day we were in the we have a conference room where we have a lot of our meetings, and I made the deadly mistake, which I would be furious if someone else did this, but then I go and do it. That's the kind of thing that you just can't let me be getting away with stuff like that. I brought a tuna sandwich into a closed space with windows you can't open.
Did you take your shoes off too?
It was so gross, And I like, I'm the one that I don't like fish, so I don't want to smell that. Nobody else wants to fucking smell it. I was like, what am I doing? I took like two bites and then put it back in there. For Durer, I was just like, it's I need to plan better than this.
Yeah, fish divisive for a lot of people, especially tuna. Some people, I like it cold, but once you heat it up, which I enjoy, They no one can handle it.
No I don't.
And actually, what I realized is I opened this sandwich that I mistakenly ordered. I only like, the only reason I wanted to eat a tuna sandwich is because really what I wanted was to eat the tuna.
Sandwich my mom used to make.
And then I saw what it was, and I'm like, this is unrecognizable to me as a tuna sandwich.
What am I doing right?
Just out of well, I should do the same and make myself a cat food sandwich. No, that's an old story. If you're new with us, you gotta go back. It's good stars, it was grown man. We were good ten years ago.
God damn, we were fresh.
Everything was new, but we were uncomfortable. Yeah, with comfort comes professionalism, but yes, you lose that frenetic.
I used to be a lunic. I mean, also, what how did we do that? I just don't.
I don't know how we both hung in there because I feel like both of us are the kind of people that work better when somebody else does stuff for us.
And what are you doing? Sorry?
This car behind me just tried to pass me as we were turning left.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's a lot of that going on today. Yeah, it's funny. We'd like not record one for like three weeks, and then I'd say do you want to do one today? And then you would be like, no, I really don't. I'm like we probably should yeah, and then you're like all right, and then later you'd be like thank you. I just was feeling like I yeah.
I think that was near around the time.
I was in a freeze state, so I was just always on the couch.
Oh, I thought you meant a free state went where you go, design your own flag, live in the mountains.
It could do whatever I want.
Yeah. Yeah, your Kazinsky phase it was the opposite.
You don't have to tell me people they just think you Obama and you have to show him a drawing of a guy in sunglasses.
You could be like, look, it's him, so it's up there, right God crying of Lincoln Montana Theodore. I'm just kidding. He did Theodore ted because I love that.
When it's someone's nickname, the version of their first name, they should go with Chuck Charlie Johnson.
But somebody just sent us a thing where they bought a house or inherited a house now I can't remember, and they went in to kind.
Of remodel it because it was old.
What was it.
It was in Alaska, and I think it was like it was a place where people had been squatting and for years. Maybe it was their family cabin and they just hadn't seen it.
While that's an inheritance.
Yeah, And then they go and they look and there's people who have written their names and all kinds of all the squatters and people that have used it as like shelter out in the middle of Alaska.
I guess I can't remember.
You can listen to the episode, but one of the names that was there all Taps Kazinski. And then the person, the person who wrote us the email, went and compared their signatures with his manifesto and it was actually him.
Oh wow.
Yeah, I don't know why because the Alaska I thought maybe before he.
Settled on a school bus, it would have been.
Christopher mccandle's Oh yeah, but is better and on topic with what we were talking about.
And also it could have been in kind of any other state in America, because I'm just remembering Alaska but I could definitely be wrong.
Right, yeah, oh wow, anyway crazy Right.
That's like when you see someone's signature, like a comedian that's no longer with us or has been canceled or something, and you notice chuckle bucket in the middle of the country and there's their name on the wall.
Mm hmm.
There was one time in San Antonio where Polly Shore had written something mean, I can't remember, this place sucks, and then he's like, underneath.
It, Hey, this was a couple of years ago.
I was went in a weird, dark place and this place doesn't suck.
I don't even know why I'd say that, And I'm sorry.
Polly's sure, Oh yeah, I know. That's the thing I like about him.
Well, here's the thing I like about him. The first time I saw him on MTV when he had his show was it though we lit I can't remember whatever his show was where it was truly an early reality show that just followed him around, but it was kind of like a sketch show. And his the way he looked and the way he talked and the newness of his personality was so striking to me, as like an eleven year old in a farm town.
I was just like, who is this guy I need to be around all the time?
He was like so compelling and interesting. Yeah, everyone everyone liked him.
Yeah, yeah it was And I, as a young child saw him and I was like, oh, you can express yourself in weird ways and you'll be surrounded by bikini girls that have been hired by an intern to be in the shot. But that was more just MTV's vibe at the time, right, But yeah, judging by my wallposters, that's what I wanted, not my wall, my friends whose wall?
Just say who owned the wall?
Lubadar was allowed to have bikini girls Lou on his wall.
He's a listener Clu Lou, Lou Blue high Lou, look perv you Lou.
Well, he's grown into a totally upstanding citizen.
Okay, but what kind of pervy posters we have on the wall?
I do recall one of Kathy Ireland, of course, next to a Lamborghini.
Do you know that I used to do like a ten minute chunk on Kathy Ireland.
In your stand up?
Yes, I it would all be I don't know anything about Kathy.
Ireland and you don't know anything about me. I'm so sorry, it's too late. Well, I know how we can make up for this. Do the whole bit now.
The only part I can remember is I just an impression of like it was just like why do we like models so much?
Or whatever?
And then I just oh, I think i'd seen Sports Illustrated swimsuit video. Remember the videos they started releasing.
I mean vaguely.
So they interviewed her, and I remember, oh, oh borrowing them literally, Yes, you can remember, I do.
It's coming to me now, it's coming to me now.
Yeah, did Lou own it and lent it to you?
Uh?
No, that was from a friend with a basement, so you had somewhere to get to. Yeah, you had to actually write down your name, what video you would take, and there was a due date and everything.
Oh you were at Hollywood Video, Chris. That wasn't your friend. It was a house and you didn't need to rewind. Okay, did You're not done?
It was just that she would get interviewed, and I basically was trying to say that she was stupid, which I don't know that and that I apologize like Polly Shore, I apologize to Kathy Ireland because I was just jealous. You were a lovely woman that everyone loved, and I was like, there to make the argument against you, right, which you know, sorry, but I did an impression of her when they interviewed her where it was like, I don't even know how this went, but the impression was I stand on the beach and I have to hold a big fitch over my head.
And I can't remember.
And then there was like jokes of mistakes she was making, which of course she didn't actually make in the real video.
Oh about the actual Sports Illustrated shoot.
Yeah, they were like, how was it out there kind of thing. And then she tells a story that's so remedial that it sounds like she has a brain injury, which of course she just talked like a valley girl.
She wasn't done totally. It's an accent that we've all learned to love.
Here, and I mean it's the accent I have. Who was I to you saying anything?
You I'm so glad you finally fast up to your strong, strong, gagme with a spoon accent.
It's it's hard to understand what I'm saying a lot of the time.
Now I'm wondering why there weren't swimsuit additions in my house because we certainly had the sport ones and I had a sports illustrated football phone that I still wish I had.
Oh, your mom was absolutely pulling that shit out of the mailbox before you got to it. Yeah, She's like, we can't. He needs to get good grades this semester.
Yeah, you are correct, You are correct. She would not let me have that kind of filth.
You or your sister, my mom, I mean your mom or your sister would be pulling that away.
Yes, yeah, or I actually my sister would be like, is this what you like? And then give me an uncomfortable birds the bees talk.
She would just get right in there and be like.
Oh yeah, oh, she'd tell me all about everything.
But I do. Yeah.
I remember my mom coming down and I the a YouTube video was on from like Octune Baby, or when it was very tame. She moves in mysterious ways. There's just a dancer, and she came down. She's like, what is it's pornography? Like when did you become an evangelical?
Mom?
That's I think I've told you the story.
But the first time we were watching MTV, my dad walked in and the song was It's my life.
Yeah yeah, talk talk yes again talk.
And it was wildlife footage that somebody had animated over just real simple.
Oh yeah I remember that.
But it was the right as my dad walked in, the animation turned to sperm. So it was just like hand drunk sperm trying to run across this like while you were and my dad's like, watch, its got so mad where we're like, we don't know what you're talking about.
Animated sperm from some other image. What is this? That's more like Peter Gabriel, Peter Gabriel. That's the way you've been done. It's hacky. But we literally I was like, this is just cool animation.
I didn't know. I thought it was like Paisley.
It didn't.
It wasn't a big.
Deal to me, right right, Yeah, they didn't.
That's before that fateful day when we walk into school and the gym teacher puts a condom on a banana.
Oh that was in yours. We didn't get that.
Oh it was he'd turned on music and slowly. It was a weird school. Everyone was drunk.
You went to sex school?
I did. I went.
I went to a sexual corrections institute.
Yes, because of all the mistakes.
Yeah, it was rehab school for kids.
Just can you describe Lou to us from childhood? You don't have to talk about his current life, but just give us the picture of this friend.
Lou had Michael Hutchins like hair that went from one side over the next, which brought the at the time, you know, skater bangs like Tony Hawk had as a kid, to a whole new level of like, Yeah, that's clearly an excess hair. But I think and this is where ahead of its time, but shaved side. Yes, I mean we're in sixth grade. Oh wow, that's pretty cool. I actually have a picture of us all at a birthday party with a Garfield cake.
Yes, that I will show you right now. Show it.
Because we're in traffic and we're barely moving. I can look at anything.
I'm real good at financ I typed cake and it's gonna come up. Yep.
And there's and my friend Andy with an Nxcess kick shirt.
That's Lou. You can't really see it, you can't.
And that's Ross, my good friend, and we're vaguely related. That's me look at banks with my porcelain braces and that I would grow out just my bangs and spray son in on them.
Yes, and uh, guys, what's what a gang?
And I like this guy, he's my pick andy. Look he that of course he was buying beer for everyone in like eighth grade. But he looks exactly the same. Now.
Oh, you think if someone looks like they're twenty eighth and this is we're in seventh or eighth grade here.
And he's still holding down that eighth grade.
Look.
He was shaving in eighth grade, full shaving, full beard, could grow a beard, and yeah, his face stayed the same, whereas I look like a different person.
Because I was looking at that picture. We're now on the wrong freeway.
Oh and uh, that was my trick. I want to go to Glendale.
That's so funny.
I'm this is all part of my master plan. We're going to look theaters to see Alien Romulus.
Look theaters, where's that it's.
I went last night to watch the Alien movie, which is very good, and there's no stars in it. It's just new actors that are the best actors I've ever seen.
Wine two people are so good.
I highly recommend it, and I did not go into it like, oh I love the other Alien movies. Of course I love the original, but it's great and there's enough easter eggs or you know, references if you're pearist. They were really good about like the technology of what they thought the future would be like where the computer is like a tandy a black screen with green It is the future in that way, in that style, like everything is like what they thought the future would look like in the seventies, but it's it's.
Really cool, so sorry.
They basically followed that through to be like if this was the past, this would be the future.
Yes, that's smart.
Here's the future envisioned in nineteen seventy nine or whenever they wrote Alien and uh, there's it's just great.
I don't want to give anything away, but I will say about this.
Look theater, beautiful place, reclining chairs, food, everything that you want from a fancy theater. There was no employees. I paid for a ticket because I'm, you know.
An honest person. Yeah, don't chop down the cherry tree.
You're not George Washing I am.
I wore a powdered wig and I've never told a lie, and my wooden key I would never lie through them. Okay, anyway, no one was there. I bought tickets. There was nowhere to no one to check them. It was empty, but the movies were playing and someone did come down to take the food order, but in the lobby it was like yeah or whatever. Also, it's half price day. I saw an eight dollars movie. I don't understand what they're doing. It's like, I think a chain, but not a big one. But obviously this is their flagship location where they don't care about making money.
Wait, where is this location?
It is in Glendale and it is a big, beautiful theater and it looks like they spent a lot of money on it and survived. It opened up right before COVID hit, but it made it through. No one's ever there. I love the temperature. They play the best movies theaters.
Do you eat food?
Great food, really reasonably priced. What are you eating there?
Eight dollars mocktail that was delicious?
I have had.
And we had a screening of the short that I acted in, Oh Yeah, called Hunt Me, and we did a Q and A and I was there for that and it was a big, beautiful place and I'm like, no one's here, where's people that work here? I guess they just ran it out the theater, but nope, movie time, no one was there. That's interesting. They must have a setup I get. Yeah, cameras, honor system AI who knows, yeah it, Yeah, that's what I was talking. They scan you and they're like, these people deserve a free movie. Maybe if you come in, like with a fancy suit and coafft hair. All of a sudden there's employees. They are taking your money.
They're like, watch that corporate guy who's gonna rip everybody off.
Yeah yeah, but no I went in with the mismatch socks and a slight lamp flea movie.
Yeah it was.
Yeah, I'm very much enjoyed that alien movie. I even had dreams about it.
Oh wait, it got right into your brain, it did. That's exciting.
Yeah, it's funny.
Sometimes you leave a movie thinking it didn't make an impression, and then you think about it for days and days.
Yeah, your brain goes o contrere mon frere.
Yes, you are a character in this and you're gonna kick a lot tonight instead of sleep.
But yeah, it was. It was really fun.
That's great.
I haven't been to the movies since the movie that came out where uh Anna the blonde girl. But she's from like Venezuela originally or something.
Wayne scamb It, No, it's yes, but you're right about that.
What's her name that actress? I'm not sure.
Anna Taylor, Joy, Anna Taylor, Anna Taylor Droy thank you. And it was the one where they go her and her new boyfriend or a date or whatever go to that restaurant that's on like an island.
It's I think it's called the Menu.
Oh right, and Ralph finds Ray finds right show it's spelled Ralph.
It's spelled Ralph, but his name is Ray. It's not often.
We've all heard of the silent pH, but the invisible pH totally different.
Yeah, Ray, Ray and L silent L.
You ignore the A, the L and the P in the H, but you you do pay attention.
To the R in the A. Please anyway, yes, please do.
But yeah, it's it's good and it's uh, it's also a movie. I finally appreciate it.
John Lakes he's in The New Alan. He's in the menu. Oh oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, and I thought you were going back.
No, No, it's he is. He's like one of the best people in it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not since Tu Long Fu.
Thanks for every thing, Julie Numar.
I swear to god that movie holds up.
Yeah, it does, really does really good. Ye they did that good.
I hadn't seen it since I was a kid, and of course I didn't fully get it, and now.
I love it a lot.
Yeah, but yeah, it's it was a great night.
I love Glendale. I wish we did accidentally drive into Glendale.
Well, I think we are right on the precipice of doing that. We could drive by the Look Theater.
You want to, Oh, it's all right, there's nothing to see. Really, it's in a big that's the thing. No one goes there because they don't advertise. You can't tell it's a movie theater. It's just back in a corridor. You have to go down an alley to get there, and then it's a big, fancy movie theater.
What that sounds like money laundering situation.
But if you look the way I found out about it, it's like like anyone I get on my phone, go to fandango or whatever, Where's what are the movies?
It's playing here at nine, so people should be there. Yes, it's in the listings. Is it new new, like truly new. Yeah, just like twenty nineteen ish.
I had to find an employee who was behind a closed door and say why is no one here?
And what they say, Yeah, a lot of people don't come here.
It's weird and made me to twenty five percent.
Also, it makes me think that would be my dream movie theater, because there's nothing worse than being at the movie theater and having other people ruin your movie experience in whatever way they write too.
No, it was the handful of people in there were well behaved, nice and it was the kind of movie where I wanted to like talk to people after what do you think?
Yeah, yeah, that's when April Richardson and I went to go see Tickled, which is that documentary. Yeah, there was only ten other people in the movie theater, and when the movie ended, it's kind of came up and we all turned to each other.
We're like, what the hell?
And like fifteen strangers turned talking to each other because it was so crazy.
That is one of the things you can only do with the documentary of course, where the person that made it and I saw it at the Silent movie theater where it was moderated. They talked to the filmmaker. It was Nathan Fielder looking for you.
Guy talked to him and he was just making a movie.
About a weird tickle league where they wear jerseys, yeah, and young men tickle each other, which is strange.
And then behind it was this weird like.
Evil donor.
Yeah, yeah, a rich guy that was kind of like Robert Durst or something. It's just such a good movie. But yeah, spoiler alert.
You can't believe that things are unfolding, and you can tell the filmmaker had no idea what they were into, but he was saying that guy was going to a lot of the screenings and asking questions.
Yep, he's like.
First and would compliment I like the film, it's great editing, and you did a good job building the story.
But you make me look really bad in it.
Like he was scared of the guy and he was going to all these screenings.
And I haven't followed up.
What happened to the guy legally, but it is tickled if you get the chance.
I think nothing happened to the guy because one story is you know quarter sheets near you You just talked to him, Yes, yes, long line, long line, but bridge and I got a table there, so we ate there probably a month ago.
David Ferrier, that director, was sitting.
Across from us. I oh really, I stared at him for a good twenty minutes before.
I picked him up, and I wouldn't know what he looks like.
I follow him on Twitter. Oh okay, I tickled. Was such a strange, amazing experience that I was like, this guy is incredible. And Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds were like in the movie because they covered that story and so they knew him. So I like talk to Dave about it after we because I was like, I need someone to tell me.
What is real anymore?
This is so fucking crazy ye and creepy and whatever, and I was like, how did that guy? And he's so Dave kind of was like telling me about him. Then I started following him and that is actually the kind of journalism that he does in Australia. He's I think Australian, Australian or maybe Kiwi, but he's normally usually down there.
Yeah.
But the but his second or the I shouldn't say second, his most recent documentary, it's called Mister Orgon, and it's another one of those stories where we're like, wait, what what are we talking about? And it's like it's wild.
So me that makes me think he's just a good filmmaker and knew that it was this bizarre yes, backstory, come on, well you have to tell a story and give away too much.
But I don't know, because it really did feel like he was like, what is happening?
Like I think that was too good to be acting.
Yeah, oh no, yeah, I just mean when editing, of course, you telling a story after the fact, you're like, well, okay, we should only tell this much or this associate with like crime stuff where it's the same sit down interview where you go a detective talking about what they thought initially, what they thought in the middle, what they thought after the guy was incarcerated.
But it's all one sit down.
Yeah, you don't they don't let out the information before it's relevant, as if you are going through this with you don't know what's happening.
Yeah, yeah, it's such a good job.
That's the best kind of storytelling. Yeah.
People were like gasping in the audience. So we've we've endorsed this movie tickled so very much.
And David Ferrier is just I hope that's the right name, because I'm really saying it was so much common and it's but yeah, him as a director and as.
A person to sit across from at the pizza place.
And a great tennis pro. Oh, exactly know.
There's another Farrier, Robert ted something Fairier Federer.
Robert Federer is there Roger Roger?
So it sounds like Robert Farrier. Yeah, I can't get out of that one.
You really tried to wedge your way in there, yep. And me and David Ferrier say no.
The problem with wedging yourself in is it's hard to get out.
Also, I'm probably mispronouncing his name.
There's there's lots of I'm really taking a strong stance in an area that I have no business being in.
Yeah, that's more my area.
Yeah you stay there.
Yeah, I'll hold your spot. Thank you. Do you want to revisit? I just want to get out of the car.
My neighbor bought uh and you might know about this, because I believe she's from the Bay area. Bought some milk thistle or milkweed in order to attract monarch butterflies, a butterfly that is dwindled down to ten percent population. It used to be, and sure enough these I don't know. At some point a butterfly came it's right outside my door, and laid some eggs, and it was riddled with these caterpillars that are the same they have the same coloring as a monarch. And all these little cocoons started, and today got a time lapse of the first one hatching. It's a big, beautiful monarch and it hung out for like an hour and dried off and then it flew away. I'm hoping they hang out. But that's a very my only memory of growing up in Monterey, growing up as they're tillies two, you know. Yeah, And I left in a three piece suit. Yeah, I got a briefcase, and I'm like, I going on live on my own in Montana.
Clint Eastwood, Yeah, you're not my mayor, Yeah exactly, he was indeed the mayor.
But I just remember the there was like a monarch's that would cover a tree without leaves and make it look like it was full. Yeah, like thousands of monarchs there was. And when that happened, there at a big festival, probably the Monarch Festival. Yeah, And I remember that, and I always think of that when I see a monarch. So if they start hanging out in front of my place, oh.
Man, you're going to go into some early life regression.
But I'll post the time lapse of the hatch if any of you do the Instagram thing.
Nice, it's really pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, it is nice. Thanks to my neighbor Amilia. Amelia, great job, good job.
Yeah, it's really cool. I one of them was hatching as I left. I was almost late.
I don't know when I became an entomologist.
But I'm into it.
It was recently, yes, very recently.
I really respect these cars that go ahead and just cross one thousand lanes to take a left in Los Angeles.
I do. I admire the confidence. Yeah, it's tough. What they're doing is tough there. And I noticed young people don't signal.
I don't want to sound like some old guy, but some kid a couple of days ago did that where it was a four way intersection and then he started taking his turn. I waited, and then at the last minute, so he was going through, I assume it was going to keep going straight, so I started moving forward. Also, then he takes a left and almost hit the front of my car. But looked at me like, oh my god, why did you all of a sudden drive into the side of me. But our windows both happened to be down. And it was a very sweet interaction because I was like, I'm sorry I got startled, but you you didn't signal, and I know there's not anyone behind you, but it helped. It would help me, know, And he's like, oh, people do that, And I'm like, I am so used to signaling that on a this is in from car to car, when I'm on a windy dirt road and no one is around, I just instinctively signal. When it turns like that, it's important. And he's like, oh, okay, you're really nice.
See you later.
Like I became friends with this kid because I didn't yell.
You know, it was such a funny.
You literally it was a teaching moment that you really stepped in as a kind you know what.
That's really hard.
It actually didn't come in nice. He called me you're really cool, so that's even better.
I mean, yeah, because you're not cool, No, I lose my cool. But they kept it in this moment, But that's not true.
I think like that was first of all, I was just joking. That was that was a mean joke. But secondly, yeah, you didn't. You basically were like, I got to actually solve this problem.
Yeah, because I don't think that.
I think a lot of people are like, if there's no one behind me or in front of me, I'm not.
Going to signal.
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
But it almost caused an accident because a lot of us don't realize when you're signaling, a lot of people are getting that perfect side view and depending on knowing whether you're going straight or turning.
Also, I could be less. I could wait until someone clears an intersection. I don't know. We're all trying to get somewhere. Okay, tell me what everybody you want?
Can I get a latte? You're a medium latte?
I'll have an iced coffee with just one pump of caramel?
Can we do an iced coffee with a pump of caramel in it? Medium? Media?
A medium?
Please?
Ali's ooh?
Can I just get an ice coffee regular flavor? Medium? And can we get one more ice coffee?
Just playing in a medium as well? That's gonna be it.
Thank you to our right is perhaps the most frightening day if it was dark out. Yes, uh, it's just someone wearing the costume from Japer Scrapers.
You know what's funny is when I saw them, I looked over and was like, I love that outfit. Yeah, I've never seen someone have like kind of style.
Yeah, oh excuse me.
It's like a if a fashion show had a mad Max theme.
You know what we should do.
And the only reason I bring this up this because you came in when we were talking about this in the kitchen.
What's your face?
Favorite version type area of pizza area like Chicago Deep Dish.
It's funny, Well, I'll talk about the actual area on geographically on a pizza.
My favorite bites, oddly, okay, are at the end.
There's kind of that baked cheese on the I don't just shove the crust in my mouth unless I have mustard, which sounds crazy. Yeah, But as a young child, my sister, because she was too embarrassed, she'd make me go at a pizza place and ask for mustard and they would want to say what for, And I'm like, you're the one that have it back there.
You know what it's for.
But if you put mustard on a pizza crust, it suddenly is a stick of pretzel.
Yes, it's very pretzel like.
I love pretzel, and that's what I still do now, and it's the reason I like mustard.
There we go, Here we go on iced CARAMELCA. That's me normal special request ice latte?
Can you?
I'm borderline offended by catch up. I really don't like ketchup at all. I'm afraid not, I know, because I feel exactly the opposite. Yeah, I'm a mustard man.
So sorry, but will you re explain where this baked cheese?
I don't. I think I kind of lost you. Oh yeah, yeah, I went off.
So do you have a.
Straw for me? Oh? Yes, I do.
The when you're done eating the pizza, which of course I enjoy. Everyone does. There's no one in the world that doesn't. Even if they don't eat pizza, it's because of restraint.
They're in restraints.
But I do like those first cheesy bites a crust where it's like kind of burnt into the there's that that just that perimeter, that where the pizza ends and the crust begins.
That's the area I like. I get you. Yeah, But in general.
To answer your actual question, I'm a thin crust guy and I oddly, you know, I've tried the New York stuff and I get it now. It is great, But I kind of like a dry thin Dominoes.
Yep, just a thin like it's almost not a wafer. Yes, I hope they burnt it a little mm hmm, and I anticipate it.
I get on the pizza tracker on the app and I watch it come to my house with little messages five more minutes.
It's so exciting.
And then that's how we wrapped up our We all started just talking about how across the board everyone loves Dominoes because it's made for you to eat, like the whole one by yourself, right, And we're just kind of.
Laughing about that.
Where whatever, And that's when you walked in and then started talking about your Yeah.
Yeah, the Actually, as I recall the conversation with ending, and I had to gather everyone together to announce that I like thin crust.
Okay, you can go to your offices. That's that's right. I just don't have a water cooler at my home. No.
And it really feels good. It's a it's a unifying vibe.
It keeps you hydrated.
But we started talking about that because you know there's Detroit style pizza or yeah, I think they said, what's that, yes, square pizza that.
Yeah, quarter sheets.
I didn't even know Detroit had their own sweets style of pizza.
But it's like a faucacia.
Bread, which i is not my preference. I mean, it was good to be there and eat all the other all their stuff.
Right, but I don't I wouldn't pick that.
I also would pick the super thin crust because I'm in it for the cheese. Yeah yeah, this this and the and the crust on the border crust right.
Yeah, I don't think that I'm traditional.
When it comes to the pizza and pasta, it's like more sauce, but no, this is how my grandma had it.
Ye, sauce barely covering the noodles.
Yeah, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna need a whole jar of authentic ragou.
Do you think do you think that uh yeah, that was a disase.
Then the other person almost get it. Yeah, that makes me think they have bad signage.
I think it's like everyone was adapting to a person that was making a bad left turn, where it's like, well, I'm not gonna wait here because you're so dumb, and then that's how you get into the cars. Anyway, For the listener who actually cares about what we're talking about, I'm sorry right because I can't help but be mad about people driving Godley, I've.
Heard and I haven't heard it lately, but in the.
Past i've heard, I like the traffic interruptions. Okay, good, And then I zoom in and it's a picture of a you know, their job is a parking ticket person?
Yeah? Why can I not think of that time?
Or yeah, yeah, I thought a meter maid was maybe a slap in the face.
It probably like, uh.
Like airplane waitress, bring me another blanket.
Yeah, parking attendant or something, parking ficionado.
Uh Hi, parking officer. I'm gonna I'm gonna launch my new phrase. It's I'm unveiling it now, parking office.
Parking officer, if you.
Approached a meter maid with that kind of respect, excuse me, parking officer.
Do these take traditional coins? They are just their lapel?
And say what I haven't ever been addressed with such respect. I'm not giving you a ticket, I'm giving you a coupon that says welcome to the city. Something They still do in Missoula. No, yes, for what if you if your meter expires, they will and you haven't received a ticket or you have out of state plates, they leave a little note that says this one's on us.
Enjoy my downtown Mizzoula. Oh yeah, yeah, you know who also does that?
And I wonder if they stole it from Missoula or borrowed uh the ice cream place Sultan Straw if you get a ticket in front of their store, which I did, of course at in Larchmont one time, and I came out and there was a fucking like seventy five dollars ticket and that I could not afford. And then there was another ticket under it where it's like are you fucking kidding me? And it said Sultan Straw, come and have a free one on us. You probably need it or something like that. That was like, Oh, you're probably having a bad day because of this, so come in and try to make it a little better with some ice cream.
I of course thought this was leading to them they would pay your ticket. I really think you could bring your ticket in there as long as you're calm and say hi, I'd like a cone with two scoops of macadamia, and will you please pay this ticket?
And can you take care of this like my dad used to.
Or she wouldn't have gotten it if it weren't for us. Do you want sprinkles that kind of world.
That's our future.
Yes, Yes, we'll get there.
We'll get there someday, our grandchildren will get there someday.
Yes. Yes.
Looking to our left, the William Mulholland Memorial Fountain is closed and there's a gate around it, and I say to the City of Los Angeles, I demand that you fix this and reopen it.
Well, who knows why it's fenced off. Oftentimes those fountains which seem inviting, like the fountain on UT Campus in Austin, Texas, could have light fixtures underwater. Yes, and city No, some students I don't, at least got the wind knocked out of them. Oh when I know.
I know it was worse, but I'm trying to keep this podcast upbeat.
Yeah, we're trying to be light today.
And also that one does have a lot of lights, because that's like I had a postcard of it and it was very beautifully.
I think it's a you know, they got ahead of themselves with these lit fountains.
Yeah, back in the day, you don't seal it.
There's wires in there. Only jumping a fountain if you're wearing glass slippers.
Please wait, how's that helping us? I don't know.
It's just that, you know, at a smoke watch tower, and that's not what they're called forest service people. When they look out through binoculars, they're always sitting in a chair that is has sitting on.
Glass because if the tower gets struck.
By lightning, the glass will make sure you're not part of the ground.
You're not part of the circuit. Oh yeah, that's cool.
That's something I asked as a child on a tour. When you're a kid and you're like, oh boy, we get to go on a field trip today, and then it's usually a forest fire watch tower, yeah, or something, Mazula.
Here's some old tractors.
Hey, kids, do you want to hear how potatoes were first harvested?
Yay, yay, I love potato. Tell me potato. Who wants to sit on this rusty old tractor?
I will, yeah, And then you realize, wait, I should be impressed by this, but but yeah, you start talking about, you know, electrocution.
I'm listening. Yeah, and you have stories to tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to just stick forks in every hole in the house, trying to think about, Oh if I was ever electrocuted.
And I did once touch an electric fence my aunt Jean's property.
Man, I couldn't let.
That thing go over a little bit really oh yeah.
And that was like the in the time where we would be done from school and if we didn't have an activity that day, we would just be left to We would be at my aunt Jean's house. But she had kind of a bunch of property and fields and stuff. So I would just like walk around aimlessly for hours and just be like killing time. And one time I walked up and I just I grabbed the fence wire to look over it because I did not no one told me it was electric fences.
Right, and it was like this, and then I like had to like get my own hand off the fence. Wow.
And then I just kind of like walked it off.
So that whole thing where you just freeze and your lot you're holding onto it, that's so real and you experienced because I actually have never been electricated.
Yeah, it was a.
Contrary to popular belief and the lies. I just told I've never that's so horrifying, you.
Know about how to prevent it or how to whatever. But yeah, there was it was pretty well, it was like scary. But then it was like I just felt kind of stupid. And I kind of knew the way my family and extended family worked that if I was like, e fence, they'd just be like, why the hell are you grabbing an electric fence wire? Like it wasn't like anybody would be like, here, come here, honey, we'll put a little right you're born on it.
When you grow up on a farm, you assume a lot of things from the visiting city folk. My old roommate and pal, Nate Craig, has a very funny story where he was helping he was visiting back in home in Wisconsin his uncle and family and was out in the field and went to pee out in the middle and now impeded on an electric fence and it shot him several.
Feet like twenty feet away, like he actually and yeah, and as you know.
In a cartoon, when the you know, yo, Samity sam or something shoots a gun and.
It is.
The rabbit just puts its finger in there and it kind of folds out.
That's what happened to his painis No, I'm kidding, but I did. I had to go through with it because I couldn't remember.
I just said the rabbit, like hugs Bunny should be on the tip of all of our tongues at all times.
We were the coolest.
Yeah, we learned hunting is wrong. Yeah, and you can play the piano.
I just said, yeah, that hunter Elmer Fudd and I just said that rabbit and that one rabbit.
Also, I thought when I thought it was real, I was like, you can't be telling Nate Craigs. We can't blow hit him up like that.
Yeah, I know, like ooh almost wrong yep.
And also this person isn't doing well themselves. And there almost was a head on collisions. Yeah, because of the thing we always complain about, yes, wrong.
Side of the roads.
There's people that think that area in the middle of the road it's one big turn land, when in fact it isn't.
You see double yellow lines, you stay back.
You shut the fuck up.
Double yellow lines are the electric fence up the street.
I'll say it. Somebody has to make a poster of this. I should have said exploding cigar. Oh yeah, yeah.
It's okay, rather than the old bugs money journey.
Well, yeah, we're in a lot of direct sun. We're just trying to get through this life.
Yes, yeah, So don't don't sweat me about the details.
That fucking bus.
No oh no bullies city bully as Oh and he was giggling with glee.
He was so happy that he wronged us.
The Los Angeles City bus just ran a red light while the guy in front of me and me were trying to take that last minute left that everybody in this town knows about.
Yeah, we all know that it's hard to have thirty six little deadlines throughout your day.
Ha ha ha.
But they a lot of bus drivers in Los Angeles drive like they just are furious that they have to do this job.
Yeah, and that's fine, but let's not Oh wait, you see that guy.
There's a guy standing there. It looks like he's a cop.
He's wearing cop clothes, no badges, nothing on his clothing, so he is dressed like a cop. He is wearing a gun, he is wearing a night stick. He is he looks like the scariest fucking security guard in the world with no badges of where you would need to call if he assaulted you.
Do you think we'd be it'd be a conflict of interest if we did a citizen's arrest.
Do you think we are powerful enough to do that?
Pardon me, sir.
You're under arrest for impersonating an officer. This is a citizen's arrest.
This is a citizen's arrest. We're not claiming to be officers the way you are. You fucking weirdo.
Yeah.
Also, that shirt was like a disco polo shirt, so it was like he's dressed like a cop in some ways, and then he's also dressed kind of sexy Halloween in other ways, right.
Like a cop that would come out of a cake.
Yeah, yeah, I heard you, Ladies like handcuffs, banana a bana.
I can't wait to get married.
But first they're gonna make this mistake. But first, what's this old cop doing? That was so weird?
Now it's like it kind of looked like he was like trying to protect a shoot.
He seemed like one of those kind of cops. Yeah, but they get real LA cops to do that.
I know they do, and it drives me nuts every time because I remember being trapped in a crashed car and I couldn't get a cop to come. But if you call and say, hey, I'm shooting an independent.
Film, eight guys show up.
Yeah, eight guys show up with some traffic cones and and a.
And a like lawn chair from home.
So next time I'm in a car at I'm just gonna say, hey, we're.
We're shooting an independent film.
Sir, you shouldn't be jogging. No, did I see the way he was strong?
I feel like I wanted to intervene?
What? Sorry?
Wait? What street am I supposed to turn on?
Oh? It's coming up in all two blocks? Oh oh sorry? Or it's I was only looking on the next corner. Okay, not this corner, but the next corner before.
Got you whatever? That street it's called Here we are? I think it's one more, one more? Yeah, I see.
I don't know. I resist GPS in every way. I just kind of want to do what I want to do.
Yeah, yeah, Oh, I mean I am I actually don't. I'm I am so dependent on mapping systems and GPS. I don't even know my way around. If my phone is dead, I'll just end up driving into the ocean.
Just keep going, Yes, it's so funny.
How that's one of the many things that if you know, all of our if all the cel towers go down and no one is able to communicate, I think I'll be the first to just be like, well, I have no idea what to.
Do on my phone. So you're going right into the sea. I'm just going to drive or drive to the nearest hot air balloon. Get the hell out of there. Yeah, I just flowed away.
Yeah, goodbye technology, goodbye.
This is going to take forever for me to die.
Well, this was a fun get reacquainted solo episode.
But we're here for the next episode.
Tune in next Monday for what is about to come up, but first and there's no splace. We're very excited about it very next week. It's a good one in real life. It's happening now. So we're going to conclude with this episode.
That's right. Thank you for listening to Do You Need a Ride?
This is uh you've been listening. This is Chris Fairman and I have been the whole time you've been listening to Do you Need a Ride?
Yn I'm Karen Coart.
Yeah, this has been Karen Kilgarriff always.
How are we doing it.
I don't know, it's it's it's a new approach ge Ynar, Hong Kong.
This has been an exactly right production.
Produced by Analise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choi. Our talent booker is Patrick Cootner.
Song by Karen Kilgarrett. Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.
Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.
For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.
Thank you, Oh, You're welcome.
