Do You Need A Ride? with Chris Fairbanks and Karen KilgariffThis week, Karen and Chris talk about heckler shame spirals, hot air balloon bits and more!
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Are you leaving?
I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there.
Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and aid, termino and gage.
We want to send you off in style.
We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
We scared her? Was it fine? Mal porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need do you ride?
Ride? Do you need with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris.
Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgareff.
Oh oh, wide turn.
Easy, mini van.
I've never been a middle of the road blind corner accelerator, have you.
Everyone that lives on this hill is yeah. They love to do it.
It's like it gives him power, a feeling of power, I guess. And what what what a better day to explore that than in the rain?
Yeah, where you don't have a sure footing?
Yes, when you can easily slide like all of the Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift players.
One through eight, nine, seven, and ten, And.
Don't forget faster and furiouser just a sarcastic title for your joke movie franchise that makes billions.
Wait a minute, that is one of the real titles.
Faster and serious, sir.
Maybe not exactly, but they did one of those where it was like a play on.
Yeah, that's I'm on the fence. I I am fifty to fifty If that's real or not?
Tonallys do you mind breaking the silent breaking the code? It is too fast, too furious? It is, that's chromatically correct. Mine was a little a joke version.
I like faster furious. I think William, we'll see it just around the corner.
I love that it's raining, though. I'm me too.
It causes me to sneeze in groups of twelve m hm, and it is usually twelve.
It's more than ten, that's for sure, not quite fifteen.
Right.
I had to leave a workout class because I wouldn't stop sneezing.
Yeah, people bump out.
Yeah they will.
They go from blasphew to because they're high to excuse you. That's where it's like you have a problem, excuse you, which is actually pretty rude.
Someone said, that's you going to workout?
Excuse you? Yeah? Did you?
Sorry?
But were you doing a full like scream, sneeze, open mouth kind of like no.
I'm just I was.
It just wouldn't stop. And I'm working out.
I was doing push ups and the kettlebell lifting and all.
It's like a circuit.
Train and you're trying to power through that.
I thought my allergies would go away. Usually if you start doing an activity, your allergies are like, okay, we'll save it for later when you're trying to relax or sleep.
But it wouldn't. I was sneezing in a class. I had to leave.
Yeah, I mean I think that is best.
And as I left, they all shared clapping.
No, no, they would, but it was annoying. I just kept saying sorry, and I was having an attack. And I think I'm the only person I know that is specifically allergic to rain. Yeah, give me feathers, give me pollen, room full of cats.
But I bet you're not allergic to rain.
I bet you're allergic to something where the first rain interacts with something else, and that's the chemical.
It would it would be weird if you were allergic to rain.
It is I know. I used to be allergic to the ocean, but it had to be something else.
But you're saying fish, all those shell fish you wouldn't stop eating.
Yeah, I'm allergic to cloud residue. There's something in the air.
Yes, yes, also in this place.
I do apologize when I tell you this is a dirty, dirty town.
Yes.
So we think like this is like the cleansing rain kind of anywhere else, but here it's like, I don't.
Know, Yeah, it is just me though.
I think maybe it's not even so much an allergy as whatever. The opposite reason of old folks moving to the desert deal with dying, to deal with dying and be any inflammatory. I think rain is very inflammatory, especially politically with its remarks. Yes, because when I'm in a desert community, what is this.
Person even thinking alooing dumb mass.
Middle of the road full confidence? Why not?
It's raining reversal into a parking spot and they are in the center of their lane, not close to They're not sidling.
Up to the parking spot at all.
No, they were just trying to Like that was like an like a sixteen year old girl who's like, I don't know, I guess I'll just try this.
Yeah.
I think it's someone that was not doing it confidently as they're backing up.
We couldn't hear that. They were screaming inside the car.
Oh, you have to park somewhere. It's like, go around the block. Then, what are you doing?
Yeah, it's I've seen amazing parallel.
Parking, especially in this town anyway. Anyhow, More importantly.
It's all that aside. I love the rain that still. It makes me happy.
It's the best.
It's the closest. We have to change every year if it rains. It's like, where am I is this Seattle?
Look at us? Do you have depression? No, I'm just wearing a big sweater.
People always said, yeah, there's a lot of depression and suicide in Seattle and Portland, and I just don't see why.
But I know that's true. Yeah, especially Portland is the best.
I really like it.
I do love Seattle too, though.
I always have. That's where I wanted to live.
Yeah, pretty great places.
I was on a youth group trip in two vans. We were driving through Seattle. I got into the youth group because of the free food on Wednesdays, and then I'm like, Hey, these are nice people.
I'm gonna stick with it.
Hope they don't ask me about the Bible, I've never ready And we were driving down a hill and it was a day in Seattle, so they had to make it look rainy for a movie they were shooting. And we drove by and these two guys were walking and there was huge you know, apparatuss that made it look like rain and actual rain coming down on entire block. So I'm like that, I don't know anything about movies. I'm only seventeen, but that's got a big budget, I said. And then later watching Sleepless in Seattle, it's that scene, oh with and I swear it depends on which take they took, but I'm sure they didn't make Rob Reiner and and what's his very famous name, Tank you for telling me walk down that block over and over. So I think we were from pretty much driving by during that scene in the movie.
And I didn't know until I watched the movie. Oh my god, I was there.
I've seen this for that's incredible.
And also I've never seen that movie, so I if this is supposed to be a like the moment I'm supposed to recognize, I've never seen it.
No, yeah, it's very specific, and even if you've seen it, you wouldn't remember that specific shot because you weren't.
There in a van with me in nineteen.
Ninety two, wasn't that van?
Chris ross Yep, Cameron Mannheim.
Cameron Mannheim, who I just realized right now.
Was in my youth group.
No, no, but I did realize Jeffamantu's in Pearl jam Yep showed me a picture because I was talking to him about these giant They were like brick embankments on campus that were of course perfect for skateboarding, but skateboarding was just starting, so people would just go up them and down them, and I remember someone knowing how to escate back then. This was like in the before I started, like mid eighties, like maybe nineteen eighty six or seven. And he said, yeah, I used to skate those banks, and he showed me a photo of him while he was in college, and I was like, I remember you at that age.
I recognized that person.
Because you watched him skate and were like that guy's school.
Yeah, and I And when I saw the Temple of the Dog video, I wasn't like that bass player was the guy skateboarding.
It wasn't. I didn't put it together, much.
Like Cameron Mannheim being in my youth group until he showed me this photo. I'm like, I remember him, I remember you being him.
It was so weird.
It was Jeff, I meant, the one that had the soul patch and it was kind of like a bigger guy.
Yeah, yeah, he's actually a guy my size.
But he's the.
Guy I talk about a lot because he pays for skate parks to be built in reservation towns.
Very cool.
Yeah, he's just the most humanitarian person I know, because he want anyone to know he's even doing these things.
He's just the best.
But he's always been a skateboarder, and I remember him. I wonder how often that happens, where it's like you have a memory of a person little do you know right now they are Henry.
Cavill or something.
You know what I'm saying, Well, for sure, I mean that's what that's watching like stand up on TV. I was a fan of all these female comics that, like you wouldn't have otherwise, not like the first time I saw Penthusiasma, I'm like, that is the funniest person I've ever seen.
Her jokes were so fucking hysterical.
Oh I need to watch her stand up I've never seen it.
She used to do this thing about her ex boyfriend now going out with a girl that was like.
Twenty years younger than them, and.
So then she was like high, nice to meet you, you know.
Like trying to make small talk under that.
I kind of remember the funniest.
Bit of her just basically being like, this is who my boyfriend's dating now or husband, And it was.
On the A list or the evening at the improvis.
Which I whip ran all the time.
I've seen them then, because I used to record that on VHS's and watch them like one hundred and twenty minutes.
I like, this is my thing.
Let me set the VCR. Let me get my dad to figure out how to set the VCR. Yeah, and I have a library of those. Like when I saw Bob Odenkirk riffing a Abraham Lincoln thing and then later became a fan of mister Show, I didn't connect that it was that guy.
Did you ever see Bob's the stand up set where he it's so kooky and crazy compared to who I know him to be, or like later knew him to be, Like his stand up was so kind of like what's the good word for it. It was like crazy. But he does this thing where he goes, there's this one song I love. I'm sure you guys know it, and then he plays this song that is like balllywood like Indian deep Indian, and he you just.
Have to see him do it is no no, was he singing it or did he actually pat them playing?
He starts to.
Sing along and then he starts kind of doing one of those dances like that, you know, that's like a part of it. It just like is as if you're suddenly watching the end of a Bollywood movie and everyone's dancing together, but it's just Bob on stage, like I love this song and it was just like so different and hilarious because it was nineteen ninety four yeah, or you know, two or whatever.
And I've seen a version of that a million times where I'm like, I've had a song stuck in my head.
Have you ever heard this one? And you know it's some obscure crazy sound.
Yeah, yeah, I've seen that joke before, and I bet he's the first one to do it. And I remember he'd come to UCB and and just have like a box of ritz crackers and he's like, I don't know it's going to do something this box of crackers, And it was a fully pashed out sales pitch for crackers that I knew wasn't rehearsed and didn't have a lot of thought put into it. No, but he just would commit. And nothing scares me more nowadays than.
I improvise, but I don't commit.
Well, but that was the time, like he I watched him do that at the on Cabarele the time, and he was so good at it.
Because then he never I don't know if he.
Ever can riff and sound unfinished because he is such a writer mind right right that he's never gonna like kind of he's not going to be conversational and not button it with an amazing Joe.
He's right right going to.
Get out, get in and get out and also think of fifteen things in the meantime.
Like he just he's just the best.
I just think it's funny that he was more known for sketch when his stand up was definitely like right noteworthy exactly.
He made a bigger as big as Mister Show was for everyone. He made a bigger impact with me doing stand up because everyone back then was doing the I know, I look like this guy and this guy had a baby, you know, like I look like jokes or my wife jokes, or just middle of the road airplane jokes. And then he would go up and read a bunch of bazooka. He do the thing where he would read these Bazuka Joe comics and but just describe the illustration. But he'd also put that piece of gum in his mouth. So around the tenth or eleventh or twelfth joke, he just had a giant mouthful of gum and he's still trying to describe the illustrations.
And it was on a mainstream you know.
Mario Joyner hosting like Oh Jess was like alternate the beginning of all stand up comedy, right, a thing that isn't a phrase anymore. No, just saying alternative stand up comedy makes me the oldest man, the oldest man in this car.
But it is interesting that those types of comics were the ones that went to alt comedy because it was like, nobody wants to hear those same old setups and punchlines anymore. Like you spend enough time doing stand up and the hackey stand up becomes such a bummer when you're trying to think of like new and original things.
So it's like.
That that idea that was like club comedy or alt comedy, right, And that's the most generalized way to talk about it, because there's amazing club comics obviously, but on average.
And they got better and better and everyone's getting more creative, and that's what got rid of this alternative comedy thing.
Now everyone's kind of alternative.
Yeah. Yeah.
A generation later, and I mean truly, like the Meltdown Crew basically erased that idea because they started doing traditional setups in a more interesting way and doing weird stuff, but they always had hard jokes and tags. Right, they were like, we're going to do what you were doing, but actually for a club to entertain people, yeah, and not entertaining each other, which is what we were.
Doing, right, was exactly playing in the back room trying and make other comics laugh. And now my goal is what is the most relatable thing I think of them all the time, something that you can talk about that everyone is going to be like, oh my.
God, I've thought of that before, yeap. That has been my goal.
And when you think of a joke like that, where oh, everyone, even if I approach it subtly, is going to know what I'm talking about. It's going to relate to everyone, even if I'm in wherever, the middle of Alabama or something. That's my goal now is to come up with the most mainstream and still be weird and still be me.
But it's hard. Yeah, you gotta give credit to.
Those people, the mainstream comics, because it's harder than I thought.
It's very hard.
I literally just started thinking of a time I got huggled and fell into a shame spiral.
Just now, oh, just now, the trauma surfaced.
There was like it was at Cobbs and there was just a dude and I said something about it was like because I was doing jokes about having recently lost weight and then but I was trying to do the setup and then this guy who was just a little asshole. Of course he was blonde, Yes, he was blonde. Of course he was blonde and small and but like kind of workout e guy.
Yeah.
And as I'm getting to like, the only reason I'm saying this part is because of this line that's gonna be perfectly delivered it in this timing, he goes to turn around what like you wanted to see my ass, you wanted to see like how my body looked. And then I just was like so furious and so kind of like taken aback, And he said it perfectly. He was just far enough away from the stage where like other people could hear it. It was like this perfect insulting, shitty heckle where then I was just like I just started insulting him, but it was like all poorly handled, just like that kind of thing where that was club comedy. Back then, people stood up and they were racist and sexist and shitty and fucking homophobic and every other thing that they could be, and then you, as the one girl on the show, had to go up and be like, hopefully they'll like my ideas now, and of course they'll be like little blonde guys in the audience that are.
Like, this will be my chance? Yeah, oh me so mad.
Yeah.
As bad as things are currently politically and the way bad people are have a voice, suddenly we need to remember how it was even worse in a lot of ways, because nowadays, if someone did that, the entire crowd would be like, no, you can't do that.
Exactly. Yeah, back then it was like, oh, he won. Oh he got a joke in there too.
Yes, there was always this idea that Heckler's would win, even though you're the one amplified.
And then what is the prize?
You get to go to the big Heckler Awards a Comedy Central.
And also you just are the kind of person that you think that makes you funny because you interrupt and kind of fuck with the funny person.
Yeah, I think it went away because I don't think comedy Claire are the venues I'm doing now go on morning radio and give away fifty tickets anymore.
Yeah, that would be like and I do think you're right, like it used to be as bad as it is now, cloaked in like he'd be cool, don't be so sensitive? Where can you take a joke? And it's like, well you okay, let me think of something really insulting to say about your small body, asshole, and then you know something like that. Yeah, well it's like but that, of course you could never do that back to men because then they might punch everybody or you know, try to kill somebody. But or you were just like a bitch and everyone would love to be like, yeah, you're a bitch, not him.
Yeah, I'm afraid that is still the double standard with with women doing comedy. They're like, if I did a thing and lashed out, which I have, I've thrown drinks.
On tables, I've plastic cups, not glass. I didn't. It's when people were being lunatic. Yes, I'm like, oh, do you want me to be a lunatic?
But that's me throwing a tant frum in a way that is almost rewarded to men. Yes, if I was a woman and did that, they'd be I've gone to be like, oh, what a crazy bitch?
Oh my god, what's wrong with her?
And I've been realizing that lately as I've become and I think you'll agree.
These zen calm yes, voice of reason and.
The ultimate feminist. Really, if we really.
Think it really the only reason I'm bringing this up so we can drive that home.
Let's really make sure that people understand. Yeah, and Chris always has been I mean.
I didn't know, I didn't know. It just came naturally to me.
But now that I recognize it, I'm gonna mention it often is that Okay?
That absolutely? What if we have it be like a segment on.
Each episode Chris's feminist ideas.
Of the day. It's every day.
Yeah, you should definitely keep driving and.
Slowly, yeah, fool Yeah, and you should definitely Well, you know what, I don't think.
The cop thought that's one through.
No, he didn't.
You can't just say I want to go, so don't be here anymore.
It's funny because that ultimate could be doing something and it just isn't.
Yeah that job, buddy.
Yeah, well, now they're going to chase you. That was an impatient. You know, it's so hard to get police to show up. In my experience, when you've had an auto wreck, you talked about your house.
Is being broken multiple times.
But on my street right now, they're shooting some it. I got a post about it. It's an independent film, a.
Student film, and there's eight cops.
They're all hanging out under umbrellas summer stopping by.
Here's your coffee. There's seven or eight there because a student film.
Is shooting college student.
Yeah.
So if you ever my advice used to be, like, just tell them you're injured now, because then they'll send an ambulance. Just say help, can you come to this location of this wreck. I've decided to shoot a student film seven or eight cops will come.
Yeah, they'll come with coffee.
I mean they are there for the craft service and the kind of like I don't.
Know, I know that it it is like something that a production does. They pay for security there and I don't know why that security is Los Angeles police officers.
Well, because it's all they're paying each other. It's just like we will actually make sure that all of this stays, you know, legit, and that you'll have it's just been paying.
For yeah, security.
I guess, yeah, it's it's uh, they're right outside my at the bottom of my stairs right now. I handed my headshots to one of them. Can you just forward days.
To your friend the producer.
It's a headshot I have. It's four pictures on one page. Me holding a tennis racket. Yeah, me as kind of a spy okay, a pixelated.
Nude, and then then ice cream cone, yeah, just.
Ice cream tone, and then me to the side, a profile floating behind me with a melted ice cream coat.
Oh yeah, because you can do comedy and tragedy.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah, So probably get a call, Probably.
Get a call that you dropped that off before you started came over for this podcast.
Yep, yep, So casting should be sending a message I have my phone on vibrate. We might announce it during the episode.
I of course, did not do any of that.
I think those beautiful lights.
Do you remember that David Letterman thing where he went to just bulbs, just lamps, and just shades all in one segment. No, because there's stores in New York. There used to be stores in Manhattan. Also, he started out with just lamps because he needed to go get one, and then he went in and then it was like, oh no.
He went to just bulbs and.
Then asked do you have any lamps or shades and they're like no, they.
Send them to just lamps and just shades. It's one of the funniest things.
That's funny because when I was always trying to think of different YouTube videos I could do, knowing I would never go into a store nothing makes me more nervous. But I they have so much at just breaks. They don't just do breaks. You can get your transmission done at just breaks. So just asking them why it's called just breaks when they have all those other things.
Also, the idea isn't that good?
I think I'm realizing, right, well, it's just it's been done.
It has been done. But at the time, early.
YouTube, yes, it would have been new for them. Yeah, for sure.
Around the time I saw Fred Armis and go in and take a dance class, I was like, Okay, this is he's being funny but being kind in a situation and committing to going through.
With the thing, breaking breaking, brand new, trailblazing for the time where it was like, Oh, you're not going to go in and mock and victimize everybody. You're going to go in and like make it all feel fun Like.
I like that so much more.
I think good day seems more enjoyable.
Yeah. I do not like the making people feel uncomfortable. I never have.
It's harder to do comedy when that's the vibe.
Yeah, yeah, I just can't handle it. But that's another example though, speaking of you know, I'm watching that, I'm like, who's this guy?
This is funny? Oh he ended up on SNL all that whole time.
I didn't know he was a drummer of Less Savvy fab a group I love.
Mm hmm.
It's insane to me.
Yeah, his past.
Life, I know, he really uh you know, they say, all musicians want to be stand ups, and all stand ups want to be musicians, but Fred actually is both and it excels at both.
Yeah, it's so cool.
Yeah, now, Bob A wouldn't Kirk, on the other hand, not a great guitar player.
Oh really, no, just kidding.
It is a thing, though, because every time I've done Bring the Rock. Granted, I think Greg Barren was asking musicians that he knew were funny and could tell a good story. But I couldn't believe how funny Tom Morello from Rage Against the Machine was when I was telling a story, he had jokes. Yeah, it was as if he'd done stand up before. And on that same show, Bilbert played drums and he was People were like freaking out because he was such an adept drug like someone that has drummed his whole life. Yeah, and he did announce like, don't freak out, I've drum all the time.
I'm pretty good. And I was like, oh yeah, let's see.
And he put in ear plugs. It's like if you get in a fight and someone puts in a mouthpiece. But my buddy Kevin did that once. Guys wanted to fight us and he put in his boxing mouthpiece, and the guy was like, oh, I think I fucked up.
I think I forgive you.
Yeah, if you put in drums and you put in these earpieces that you have, which.
I don't know what that's. Oh, it's so you can hear what you're doing, I guess. Yeah.
But then everyone knew it was a real deal. Yeah, and he was really good.
It was fun. That's a show that embraces.
That whole notion, like comedians want to be rock stars, rock stars want to be comedians.
Yeah.
Do you own an umbrella?
Me, Karen Phil Garrett.
Yeah, yes, I have a navy blue one with little yellow daisies on it. And I can't remember where about it or why I picked it, or if maybe someone left it in my car, and then I'm like, this is mine now.
Yeah, I need to get I have one for golf that's big. It's more of a s umbrella.
Yeah, those things are huge.
I just walk around wet and I'm like, well, I should get a gore tex jacket. I never think I should get an umbrella, because there's something about holding an umbrella that is just admitting to the rest of the world that you can't handle life.
You're weak.
Yes, it feels weak to me.
Granted, the umbrella I did last half was a sex in the City umbrella, and where'd you get it?
I don't know.
It just had an HBO logo on it, and I'm like, oh, cool, my HBO umbrella. People think I work on set again. I had my headshots on me.
Yeah.
Yeah, and then twirling it one day in the park as I splashed in a puddle, a moment I'm not proud of.
I saw the Sex in the City, her Sex and the City.
And it's in and go ahead, sir.
I oh, he feels bad.
Sex and the City. What a discovery.
Yeah, I actually missed that umbrella. That's why I haven't replaced it.
I bet you someone absolutely stole it who was a true fan of that show.
Right, which is what a miranda for them to do. Never seen an episode. My sister and mom we went to this beach near Malibu where you can actually sit in the sand. It's hard to park there, but you can actually have a beer and sit on the sand. And it is is privately owned like a beach club, but open to public.
So it's a confusing setup, or at least when I describe it.
And they were freaking out because the guy, Oh, his name's Christopher Knoth. He played someone called mister Big, And my sister and mom were freaking out and it was just a dad looking guy with a shirt off. I'm like that guy, like I don't. I've never even seen him before. It was before Law and Order or whatever.
He's yet.
Yeah, and everyone was freaking out and saying, mister Big. I could hear hush tones of mister Big being said, and of course he could hear it too, Yeah, of course, but he was just trying to have a day with his family and some friends.
Yeah.
You pay the price, front, pay the price.
That's why I only plan to get famous through voiceover.
Good idea.
Oh, you're right. That is a beautiful lamp store. God, something about a lamp store. I've always loved lighting.
Took it took me a while to enjoy fabric stores now. Oh, I love a Joe Anne's.
Are you kidding me? I'll go in and feel a corduroy, and I like craft, I like sewing. I'm into all of it now.
Yes you are.
When you're a kid, though, and your mom brings you there, you just hide. Yeah. In the I mean, I'm a child. But you hide in the fabric and see if your mom will ever find you. And she won't.
No, no, she'll have your name announced, only only to then leave.
She wants you to see her leave.
Will you grab will you just reach my person grab my phone for me?
Really quick?
I just realized words. I just want to make sure that she's fine leaving.
Oh yeah, yeah, of course I am gonna. Oh I found it.
Thank you your stylist.
Where are you're going? Where are you're going?
For the my friend? I am going to the iHeartRadio Awards. Okay, good, the iHeart Radio Awards to present. We're presenting and I we may be nominated, but I can't remember.
If that it's.
Better you should write a speech anyway, okay, okay, but yeah, but we went last year and I just happened to have this vintage dress that was sparkly and nice and whatever.
But I was like, you you miss this by the.
Skin of your deep.
So this year, when I was getting ready, I was like, oh, I better get a dress. And as I was telling her and Annalise, I was just ordering dresses and clothes on TikTok shop and being like I'll just get this done. And then finally went, I need these clothes anyway, right, And there's a couple of things we have to do that are like either business or a thing like that, where it's like, oh, yeah, I have to I need these clothes.
I have to get some nice clothes.
I'm amazed that you're able to do that, because I'm I need to try something. I won't even order a T shirt because I'm not sure if it'll run too big or too small online.
You know.
I think it is the practice of a lifelong fact girl where it's like you just guess because you don't want to try clothes on and you don't ever want to be in a dressing room anywhere, and you just kind of were like, this will fit me, this will not. That's all we need to know. Talk to you on the other side. So I'm just kind of used to it.
Well, I think that it's good to have a professional for a thing like this that actually is like like you said, she was doing, kind of almost shoving you out of your comfort zone with bright floral designs.
Yes, because she's actually my friend. Yeah, she's like Karen, I know you won't like this color, but tried on anyway, and then she had a seamstress there also to just fix everything. If that's the key is get everything, get everything hemmed exactly to your right.
Right.
In her defense, though you're the yes as you had stacked did appear to be all black Wednesday Adams.
Truly, she was like, I didn't come here to help you, to just help you dress the way you're already dressing.
I'm like, right, I know, but you also she.
Bought me the coolest cut of this jacket. Like the jacket itself was the coolest piece. It looked like it was from nineteen sixty. It was so awesome, but it was hives orange. Oh and like just never no, like there's I'm not stylish like that. I also hate that color. I don't want to look like a crossing guard, right, Like there's problems. And I think when you're like comedy mindset where you're all I can think of is the jokes. It would be easy to make if you saw me. And of course every Warren's dress is a safety come.
Even if they like it, they would be like they would have to, yeah, it would they would make some crossing guard.
Yeah.
And also, I honestly didn't think it looked at me, but her and the seamstress were like.
Oh where, I'm like, no, no, no, no, I agree.
That long robelike hooded thing that looked like Queen Almandala loungewear was so cool totally not.
Just not mean style, yeah or mine, but I can tell when something is well made and neat, So I was like, ooh, yeah, try it on. Why am I saying that?
Yeah? Well?
And also it is like we all did that, but then she knows, so she's like, oh, this one, I just she's like some of them. She's like, I just want you to try it and see what you could be doing, yeah, which is true.
Yeah, but yeah.
Also it just I mean, it was a it was a long afternoon because I was like, I just want you to understand, like it's you're not going to be able to convince me to wear these what looked like new buck leather pants. I was like, there's just no world where I'm going to go to an enjoyable evening and have that on. I will be I will be suffering the entire time that is not comfortable or fun to me at all.
How many, I mean, how many outfits do you need to have. Is it multiple days? Is there a lunch for that?
Yeah, we have a couple dinners. And so it's like I need four nice outfits, okay, But then also I realized everything else I have are like jeans I buy at Marshals because they're they're ones that just arrived there, you know what I mean, Like I just don't make an effort.
It's not how I like to spend my free time right right.
And I don't know like she bought you saw those shoes that she brought me that like, I love them. There were so many good ones where I was like, these aren't at any of the stores I would go to. I would never find these on my own. So she did that for me for like two dresses, and it's really nice. But then also there's other stuff upcoming. So I'm like, well, I just need you to start helping me with this.
That's cool. That's kind of exciting, like very exciting.
It's like a younger version of you from whatever twenty years ago, would think it was pretty cool that someone's coming over and it's.
Like a Stylus situation. Totally, that's pretty cool.
It's I feel, it's very exciting. Yeah, but also it's very like, I don't know, it's weird to be so late in life switching positions from behind the camera to in front of the camera.
It's just odd.
So just trying to like go with it and not ruin my own good time and whatever. But it's like some of the things that's like I wouldn't focus on it just because I'm like, oh, yeah, I don't enjoy I don't think I enjoy fashion, And then she brings stuff over.
I'm like, look at that.
You know so well, you've enjoyed me in front of the camera in the path, You've been there.
I've been there, but I don't know.
It's like I think there's that entire awful pressure being in front of the camera for women is is horrible anyway.
But then I've never gotten like.
A facelift or any of that they is that when you are thirty five in Hollywood you start getting a face lift.
You don't.
It's not botox, it's not those The reason those people are so beautiful is because there's a surgeon sculpting their face.
Wow, like sculpting their face.
So like there's you're being compared to people who like have been under the knife.
Right, since it's a faceli, there's no longer staples around your ears and you have to go to an island for three weeks.
No, not at all.
It's just there's all kinds of Like when I got my eyelids done, I did that.
That was an in office procedure. I went. I went home with like stitches in my eyelids.
But it's so common your eyes, your eyes bloody.
No, but at one point there a bloody tear did.
Roll down my cheek and I Adrian was the one helping me and taking care of me, and I walked over to her and I'm.
Like, look at this.
I mean, if a bloody tear came out of my eye, I would expect locusts.
I know that is.
From the seventh Sign. They Demi Moore vehicle.
The sacrifices that Demi Moore and all women have made for just to hang out in the beauty concept. Yeah, you know, it's really something. Yeah, but I think like all of those things aside.
Look look what they have on.
The car there. It is I bought this before we knew, you know, and it's great.
For some reason, I didn't want to get you that one because his name being on it, I thought someone from Calabasis.
Or I don't know would lash out, Yes.
It's subtle enough to the one I got.
You said, bought it before we knew he was crazy, which I love. Yeah, then you're not, you know, saying the name, and it's subtle enough that they won't even know, right, Like, if someone doesn't think he's crazy, they'll be like, what what's that?
Even they bought that bumper sticker before they knew the sticker maker was crazy.
Yeah.
I just did shows in Boise, Idaho, which is a it is a cool town.
There's always been art scenes, there's a lot.
Of like LGBTQ Pride flags year round. There's it is a cool town with a lot of cool young people. But on the outskirts these people come in at at night And as I was leaving my show, I saw a lot of like Charger Challenger hot rod cars with a full on American flag and a Trump flag on the back, just to drive around to preach the good word. And you're seeing that as it's just a I don't know, a ticking time bomb. It's made me so nervous to see all that happening at once, well.
But I think that what's weird about that is like he won go home and put your flag away, but they're not. It's like, you don't need to preach the good word. We're already in this mess. He's there, like what do you want?
But it's like he had nothing else to do. He's just going to play fucking video games or something.
That's true.
Yeah, I'm just saying it's it's just that thing of like. Well, and also Boise, I mean, Idaho has so much KK cane fucking.
In the panhandleis Yeah, there was a Hayden Lake.
I think is where they all were based for a long time.
And oh yeah, my friend's family had this little timeshare cabin we would go to. And in retrospect now I realized, sure there was a cub scout.
Camp and some other things, but there were skin heads everywhere.
Yeah.
I just thought that the Panhandle of Idaho had a balding problem. We were surrounded by them, and I'm just like waterskiing and like.
Well that guy seems grumpy, so does that guy.
Yeah, they're all so angry.
Yeah, but that yeah, Boise, I think is pretty proud to not be like that.
Well, because They're a college town, right, and I'm sure the cap.
I defy anyone to find a It seems to me maybe I'm being naive, but most capital cities in all the states, yeah, seem to be the more liberal part of that state. Yes, which is weird because the wrong decisions are being made there, well, you know, in a lot of cases. But but yeah, like Madison is very much that way.
So many alarms.
No that that was just a siren that was bailing me out of coming up with a second example after Madison.
I mean Madison is that way.
Of course, Sacramento is very much bad example.
Actually, oh, look a fire. We should help.
Let's drive that fire.
I always get bailed out when i'm starting to make a list.
My ass ass can't cash, you know what I mean?
Yeah, your ass can't cast.
Right, I'm making it. I'm making a long list. My ash cap can't cast.
Ah.
I mean, I took not one, but two allergy pills, so I didn't and they're kicking in now.
You sound great.
Yeah, I'm breathing good, listen to the nostrils. I was a wreck before I arrived, but these pills make me feel a little drunk.
Yeah, And so I think that's great for podcasting.
Yeah, ask cap, can't cash cast. Yeah, things like that will come out of my mouth.
Well they do the otherwise, and I'm not saying that.
No, I'm not trying to none taken. None.
Sorry, I thought you just said no offense, There is none taken.
If you were going to say that that was Julie mcchol's joke, or you would go, hey, no offense, none taken, he would say both lines.
Oh, you'd have signed both to you.
He would tell you that he didn't mean it and you aren't taking it.
Oh that's it.
That's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, just cut out the middleman. Yeah, which is the other person thinking their part? Yeah, yeah, it's I feel I feel good. I feel good, but I'm a little silly. I feel a little silly.
It's all we need on a comedy podcast, right, don't you think I do?
But I've noticed with my comedy, enunciation is a big communication is a big part of comedy.
And I watch clips of my old stand up, sure, and a lot of them.
I was drunk, but I mean, I can't believe how often I'm not even finishing a sentence or a thought. Oh it's just panicked chaos, and I'm like, oh my god, no offense to the late great Robin Williams. But am I Robin Williams when I do stand up like a panicked No, you never seen panicked?
Okay, you don't even when you're drunk, right or when you have this in the past.
Thank you two years now.
That's a huge accomplishment. Oh it is.
When you just said something about like you'd get a beer and blah blah blah, and I was like.
Not you though, No, No, it's even in moments where I think I'll be tempted, I'm like, oh no, I absolutely not. It would It would take the announcing of the inevitable world or civil war or something coming that where I'm like, you know what, I'll have some whiskey.
Time to leave the planet.
Just takeing whiskey and get in a hot air balloon.
Bye bye, bye bye. You're going to freeze in the outer statusphere.
Yeah I won't.
I won't even reach a point where oxygen isn't available, But goodbye world bye. Just slowly deflate into a circle of enemy soldiers.
Hey, this is awkward. You guys like ballooning guys?
Are you drunk.
I'd like to think that if that happened, I could befriend them.
Think so yeah, just by self deprecating, like, ah, look at me in a balloon and you know, cross my eyes fall down, they'll start laughing.
Right.
I think I'd do well in prison, for sure.
I think in the balloon you would definitely be able to do that bit where you're talking or whatever and then you fall over the side of the basket but your foot is tied up in the rope, so you're hanging upside down by one.
That is my favorite hot air bit, Such a good balloon bit.
Because if you tie it good enough, it doesn't matter that you're upside down, hanging from one leg thousands of feet above.
Ground, screaming, screaming, but no air reaching your lungs.
That is actually horrifying when a balloon takes off an unmanned basket and that fire is shooting up yeap, creating the hot air lift, and there's.
Just a guy no, oh, yeah, help help, And it's like, well, who do we send?
Why does he pronounce help like that?
Heyl hey help?
Yeah? But why are you saying it so weird?
I'm much side down?
Yeah, But that wouldn't affect the way you pronounce words.
I'm from Idaho.
Oh say no more?
Help let him go.
He's probably from Hayden. I think I've seen multiple videos of.
That happening though, people falling out of the basket. Oh, Margaret Show was in a hot air balloon crash. I feel like Kurt Roneller has a hilarious bit about trying to I think he was going to propose to his wife Lauren, and it was so crazy in the basket. It was like, this is It's like because they can't really control it. It's all just kind of like they're trying to control it, right, Yeah, but they're not really controlling it.
Yeah, it is.
It is true a lot of those things that seem commonplace and you think it's one goal, and you know everything is measured and they've weighed you. The time I went bungee jumping on a whim because it was free, but the card from this business was like Vertigo bungee Jumpers as seen on MTV and all these credits and I show up it's in Truckee.
It was a night after staying up all night and maybe doing drugs. Maybe, but I was young and I was like, I'm a thrill seeker, I like jumping on a snowboard or whatever. No I'm not. I'm terrified of heights.
I showed up to this train trestle where on one end there was a guy looking through a scope down the tracks and another guy on the other end looking down this tunnel through a mountain, both looking for a train, at which point we were told.
Everyone would have to run and hide under.
The bridge and they'd have to gather the ropes and everything, and I'm like, wait a minute, is this not legal. It's like, oh no, no, it's but you have business cards, there's people paid money.
And then they said how much do you weigh?
Do you want to dip in the water because there was a river at the bottom, or do you want to just dangle above it? And I felt too much pressure. I'm like, well I got a dip, right, And they're like what do you weigh? And I'm like one fifty five and they're.
Like are you sure? And I'm like, well now I'm not.
Yeah.
So they picked this guy weighs one fifty five rope and everyone was just diving off and I was My legs were trembling, so much that I couldn't get up onto the handrail.
Yeah.
That being said, I look, once I did jump, I had.
Perfect form and I curled up and did backflips all the way up, and I knew to lay back and achrist like post slowly they pulled you up awkwardly.
In your limb body. Yeah, yeah, I knew, I knew I did do Jesus.
Chrest now sorry, quick question? Is it perfect form to have a belly of fear as you jump?
I thought that maybe there's nothing that feels more like you're committing suicide because you can see the ground.
Because you're jumping off a bridge into a river.
My head exactly dipped in the water. Oh that's good, boring splash all the way up. It was like four hundred feet. Usually you're doing like two hundred. I think it was so scary, and you're supposed to get two jumps, and it was exhilarating in a way, but not the kind that I need. Right And they're like, okay, your second jump is coming up, and I'm like, oh no, I get it. I felt like dying, dying duly noted and people jumped over and over and I was like, I did not know this. I was putting my hands, my life in the hands of these strange and it was a train did come by the way, and we did all grab the stuff and have to hide, and then we came back up and hooked it up. And then at the end they had an uzzy and they let us shoot an uzzy against a wall.
What uh uh?
And this was all in Hanford Lake where you were becoming a skin hut.
No, no, sorry, this was a Lake Tahoe. This was years later. I was in my twenties doing artwork for some snowboard And you.
Truly are arguing that because they had a business card, none of that should have been happened.
They had just aired this Real Real World of road Rules episode. I was familiar with their work.
Do you remember, but do you remember when? Do you remember Steve O and Chris The Wild Boys? I loved that shows. That show got me through serious hard times.
Yeah, it was good because so funny. Well, Chris Pontius is a sweet pau.
I love Chris Ponie.
He was at all the jackass things I've gone to. Is a lot of them are very nice. Yes, they were all actually pretty nice boys.
Yes, limping they didn't have to be nice at all.
The idea that Chris Pontius is nice really means a lot to me, because he's the one that has the vibe to me of like he seems nice, but then you then he would be means in a surprising way and you'd be double heartbroken. Right.
But I will say this, there was.
An episode with Steve jump Off, jump off of like this. It sounds like a very similar really high bridge crazy. I think they're in South America somewhere. If we want to in and out? Would anybody else eat in and out?
I have a dinner plant or I bought stuff, but okay, I would get something because I'm very thirsty.
I'm hungry and thirsty on the lease, are you into it?
Let's do it.
Let's let's take the death defying risk of trying to turn in.
Hey, that's what I am.
There's all about.
Uh Stevo was so scared on this thing. Oh shit, that's the line. God damn it, right, you have to go around. He was so scared on this bridge, and he was like almost crying and like so mad at them and like swearing at them, and so it was high so funny because yeah, it is like it goes against everything, and you boys really pressure each other to like do scary things and be okay with it, where it's just like and it's Steve. Oh. So I'm sure he was like he's supposed to do it all. I mean, that's right, you know, he's supposed to love it.
And he was like, God damn it. He was like swearing. It was so funny.
Right, Well, he is a trained he went to clown school.
He went to circt it so late. I think he is a trained clown. He did it for years, Yeah, juggling all that. He's like a circus performer.
That's what he got into.
So I'm surprised because in skate videos before Jackass existed, there was just a crazy guy in between skate footage that was backflipping off of hotels, in the swimming pools. It was usually jumping off bridges that I wouldn't go stand on. So I'm surprised him.
Yeah, yeah, it was Stevo doing.
Stevo was Yeah, he was. He was in all these Big Brother magazine It may have been.
Well, but if he jumped off a hotel roof or something, that was like, but he was attached to something.
Maybe this was like a free fall, you know something.
There's a big difference between jumping off a forty foot tall thing and it being four hundred feet Like I couldn't.
It just was terrifying, Like would you say that the difference is like three hundred and sixty feet?
Yeah, yeah, it is not only that to get into the math, not only that math.
It's drilled down into numbers.
It's still okay't wrap my mind around. But the difference is, oh maybe broken leg, Oh definitely.
Die, absolutely death. You are facing right right, Yeah, that's wild.
I did.
There was some Have you ever gone on the ride? Please move up VW because my ass is hanging out. Thank you, and you were there too.
Was conscious of that.
I know me too.
I always what about the person behind me? Right, we're compassionate people. I just want to take another.
Break at our emotional depth and caring of our fellow human being. There's a ride at notts Erry Farm that you go and sit in and it's like seats in a circle around a gigantic wide pole and so you sit down and you lock in on the top. But then you're kind of on this weird little saddle on the bottom and you have these seatbelts. Know, I've told you about this. This is definitely one of my repeat stories.
And we went on a week.
I think I've told that bungee jump thing. I'm terrified that I have.
Why terrified?
Why the only people listening to this are like, yeah, tell the fucking scorpion in the boot story. By the way, no joke. We were at work the other day and Brent Butler, who is our new like creative.
EP guy, he does all the video stuff.
Yeah, he started telling a story about how scared he is that he's gonna put on his boot and there's a scorpion inside.
And I was like, you have to talk to Chris Therapy.
Oh my god, you're hidding.
Yes, he doesn't.
It happened to him once and he's like, my whole leg went numb and it was the biggest, the most pain I've ever felt, so much pain.
Yeah, oh wow, yeah, Oh that's the reason to have a.
Mate and grate, right, this is this is why you will immediately everyone's fear.
I've always been thankful I don't live in a place with giant spiders and scorpions.
Yes, you know, we've got we have rattlers.
But anyway, point being, you sit down in this thing and you're like on a little saddle on the bottom. It feels like it's saddle because it's kind of coming between your legs and it's coming up, and then there's this crisscross across you seat belt thing and then it essentially goes all right, and it jacks you up into the air and you were probably I think fifty stories high.
Does then it spread open as you drop it.
I don't know what it does, but you and your seat, you're like, eh, the higher you're getting, you're freaking out and screaming right, and then it stops and then it you slam forward and it free fall drops you to the ground.
But you are completely in this little.
Well.
You watch everybody else in line, and so you kind of do.
But when it does that, it just goes click and then it falls and then it just goes and stops you right before you get to the ground. Let it slows it down. And it was we're in line. I didn't care. I was like, I don't care, this will be fine. The closer we got to the front, I started panicking. I was like, I do not want to do this, this is so scary. And then whoever I was with, I think it was Danny Sebios, who are it was a group of people, but people are like I was like, I don't this seems like I might go to the bathroom and someone's like, are you scared and started making fun of me.
So of course then I had to stay in line.
Yeah yeah, and then yeah, don't ever, if you're a stranger, don't call Karen Chicken. Don't you she flies out the handle.
I'll take any differ.
But then once we did it, the feeling like the screaming and the elation and the free falling and the whole thing, we walked away.
I felt high for hours. I was like on top of the world.
I'm like, oh, this is that like to me it was a near death experience, and there were obviously nothing near death about it, like in the way that.
You got for your brain it was, and so it off that that, hey, I'm not scared to die. Last minute stuff. Yes, And it made me get technical.
I mean, clearly you're a psychol.
Yes, yeah, but it made me go every once in a while, I'm like, do I need to go just do that reset and ride that ride just to purely have that like, oh, like I just faced down.
Yeah, no, you just start taking drugs. They've learned how to man make that stuff.
Is that what ketamine is?
Yeah? Or EPMD? No, that's an old wrap group em EMTs.
What was EPMD's song?
EPMD was really good and I should know that.
I'm sorry, we can cut this part out.
No, but yeah, EDM, I don't know.
That's a type of meals electric dance music.
You know what that is?
Where you can go to get ketamine and that'll do the job. Oh great, Yeah, so that last minute I'm about to die release again, I hate to get technical.
Is basically what that drug is MDM A MDA MDMA.
Mdmay there we go, Okay, that.
Is what that drug is mimicking Apparently I'm.
Not interested in that in the out of context way like that.
What if you're holding a glove stick and it's the only way you'll enjoy that she hady music playing and you bite into.
The glows stick and you're like, I definitely am going to die now. You went on Supreme scream yes, yes, and it is supreme.
Yeah.
I went on that with Believe It or Not. Michelle balloon and Martha Kelly.
Yes, did they scream and scream?
Oh, we were terrified, And then we couldn't stop talking about how fun it was.
It was like it it.
Oh, she's cute, that kid. She's very excited.
She gets a cone. Why is he? What's that about?
I think he moved that because he decided to park got it?
Yeah, I love that.
She was like, yeah, yeah, she's very excited, freaking out to just get to walk in the rain.
Yeah. Yeah, boy. If we could just be children again, for the enjoyment of small things.
I mean, you were enjoying the rain earlier.
Yeah, I am, and.
I've been enjoying.
I think it's my version of a midlife crisis. I've been allergies. I'd get allergies like I did when I was a kid. I've been skateboarding very much often and enjoying it. And I'm getting better in a way that fifteen year old me if he saw footage of some of the tricks I'm doing that he couldn't do, even though he could do a lot of things I can't do anymore.
Yeah, like use one hip, right, I think that right?
No, it is, it's that it's jumping in stuff that I couldn't do, and so fifteen year old me wo'd be like, what's up with not being able to get his high off the ground.
But some of the other stuff he'd be like, oh my god, fifty.
Year old me, you nailed a triple loox? What are they called? What are you nailingly? That would make people excited?
Well, that's the thing I've been saving all the flip tricks for, because we've gotten single shots of flip tricks that I don't want as one shot. I have to do a line of tricks, so I have to get consistent enough with them so I can do seven or eight tricks without messing up.
Is seven or eight too high of a number and maybe you could just do four?
Right? You're probably right there. That's very realistically. I would be happy with four.
Are the other skateboard boys doing seven and eight? And that's why you feel that's what you have to do?
No, Because I've been I've been hanging out with an age appropriate group of guys, so just when I do any flip trick, they're like, wow, you can still do that. But there's the video magazine that comes out quarterly or whatever, and I'm working on a segment for that, and the filmer is a kid that I knew from skateboarding. He's very good and he is very good at telling me how to do certain tricks and the way to have my body positioned and casually, like there's no pressure, just try this.
You can do this trick and this trick. Why don't you combine them? And then I'm doing something that I didn't know I could do.
But he's kind of tricking me into it, or you don't have to if you don't want to, Like he's really a he's a very good camera and the anxiety I get from just a camera being pointed at me for the first time, they call it a bail gun for a reason, like you're conscious of the camera and then all of a sudden you can't do things. But he's helping me get used to it, and I'm really excited about some of the stuff we're getting. But meanwhile, I have not cared about stand up or all the things in life that like pennying my bills. It's a version of a midlife crisis that I'm having, but.
It's also.
In all realistic ways, I farewell to it, because you know, I'm probably not going to keep me able to do it and push myself right, because I have this.
Goal now of trying to get.
Relearn all these things. So it's been so fun for me and therapeutic for me. Like like that little kid in the rain, that's the whole reason.
Yep, that was you.
Yeah, it's been really great.
Do you ever wear a leopard print little dress like hers with body?
I almost got uh little zebra striped knee pads for oh, in case I ever start skating pools again, but I'm more scared of that.
Yeah.
Mine is mostly curb sliding.
I just that was me doing a hand gesture of you dropping in right, cool, No, that is I knew.
I knew that's just your head's the body and you.
Go down and then you go up and you have to slam it down.
Yep.
You know.
That's the one that Pete almost killed himself on. He tried to drop in and immediate I think broke his ankle.
Oh, because he hadn't done it for a while.
Yeah, he just wasn't.
And then he was at a skate park and he was with nine year old Adrian's son who was nine years old at the time, who now works for the CIA at the time. He was nine, and Johnny had to skate down and be like, are you okay? And then this other kid skateboards by and looks at Johnny and goes, I think your grandpa's dead.
Oh god.
It's like and it's like, in no way as like old enough to be a grandpa or even a father.
It was like the funniest, it's so funny, toughest, that's like mean, the meanness has left this.
That's one thing I've noticed.
Little kids have gotten used to being around older kids and the unspoken, like like you go first, I like paying attention to where other people are. I see little skaters being so mature in that way says mean things anymore. No, no, no, Yeah, it's been great. Toe that's very sorry.
Back into it.
I love it, but I gotta I gotta start doing stand up more often than all.
Yeah.
Yeah, but also I feel like of all and I mean, I know it's just to the person, but I was always so surprised how not mean and not bitchy skateboard. The skateboard team was, Yeah, they're just like it's the most go along, get along.
Yeah it is. It's great.
It's It was always such a misconception, especially in small towns. When you're trying to have meetings to raise money for parks and recreation funds to build a skate park, they're always like, well, that's going to be a meeting place for young people and they're gonna smoke cigarettes and do drugs and play with guns. And it's like, are you kidding me? This is the thing that will make them not do that?
Right.
God knows what I would have done with idle time if I wasn't. I wasn't even hanging out with girls.
I spent all my best boner years just skateboarding, causing no trouble, and and that's all I cared about. Yeah, and then all of a sudden, I's in college and I'm like, I don't even know how to talk to people.
I better start snowboarding.
But no one, yeah, yeah, but no one was getting hurt.
It's just so what does everybody want? So that I can say it all at one time?
I might get a little shake?
Okay, should we just wrap it up before we order that? I yeah, because we've been this is a long one. Just because we're having fun doesn't mean you've got to make This a two.
Part we Don't Have To podcast forever.
This was fun.
It feels like the old Here's to chasing the old times. Karen, Yeah, yeah, you've been listening to Do You Need a Ride?
Do you y n ther don't honk? This is It's been an exactly right production.
Our senior producer is Annalise Nelson.
Mixed by Edson Choy.
Our talent booker is Patrick Kotner.
Theme song by Karen Kilgarriff.
Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.
Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y Nar Podcast.
For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com. Thank you, Oh You're welcome
