Do You Need A Ride? with Chris Fairbanks and Karen KilgariffThis week, Chris and Karen chat about 90s sell-outs, exercise as punishment and more!
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Are you leaving?
I you wanna way back home?
Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay.
We want to send you off in style.
We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about ity scared her? Was it fine?
Now?
Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride?
Do your need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need to ride?
Ride with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
And this is Karen Kilgarriff.
We are childless cat ladies and we are taking this country back. Yeah.
Sorry, cat style.
Sorry big families with dogs.
You're screwed. M I think it's funny that anyone would come at childless cat ladies like you. Clearly don't know what you're dealing with. In coming at childless cath lady.
Yeah, the least threatening person you know.
Who also let's attack usually has a big fucking brain, a lot of funny things to say. Uh, truly doesn't give a shit what people think.
Probably hasn't had kids because of compassionate reasons they're making.
They're making quality choices in their life.
Yeah, doesn't want to bring a kid into your world? JD Grandpa, j D, b J TG kDa. Just why are you hiding that your name is Tommy or Bobby or Billy? Grow up?
Does it sound.
These initial names? And I mean everybody, every single one. It's for little leaguers. Come on, BJ, give it a little poke.
But I do love there are people who have three initials. C Pounder is the person I'm thinking of, the great actress. Uh.
Cch Pounder is her name? Are these adult films?
No?
Less?
I'm sorry, I don't know cch is.
Yes, you do. If I showed you a picture, you go, I know her?
Are they a listener?
Well, oh my god if that was a reveal.
I'm sorry. It's an interesting name.
And also it would be the coolest if suddenly you're getting blown up on Instagram because cch Pounder cares about this podcast.
Yeah. Well, I take back what I said about the adult film industry. One I respect, by the way, and support. Yeah, I'm I'm not. I don't want to make waves with anybody except you BJ's and TJ's and pg's.
Anyone with initials two initials specifically, what about her? Sorry, she has and so she doesn't she doesn't get added into your pile, on into your cancelation.
Oh, yes, I'm looking at a picture for now.
Oh on a Lisa's showing Christ Yes, sure, yeah, right, yes, I'm trying to think of what There's been so many moves, you know, when they when you have a thousand to choose from, it's hard to pick one.
In your mind.
On at least you want to read a couple of those. I'm credits selecting absolutely once I get this eye.
That's I can't think of another three initial name.
I don't think the Shield Avatar, oh, RoboCop.
Three, Yeah, don't say anything about the Shield. I haven't watched season fourteen.
Yet from nineteen ninety five.
Yeah, let's not go through with the anguish of that last time when you guys spoiled Bones for me.
The entire run, the twenty two years of Bones were totally ruined. I can't get over there.
You do. Oh wow, it seems like but you're doing the right thing.
I know it feels wrong, but it is right.
That's why it feels so right. Did I tell you about the time around a cruise and my sister bought us a wrong, like it's just the length of fabric she put it on, and very to herself said, I don't know why it's called us a wrong when it feels so right. And I laughed for the rest that's I laughed at the cruise ship took us to the Bahamas on my laughs. Yes, it became a fuel.
Lisa Fairbanks knows how to make a joke. Yep, there's no there's no doubting that she helped coach me on some of my early joke making. I mean, I feel like most comedians have funny siblings, and sometimes funny are siblings to thank for their careers.
Yeah, as he is a comic that I do a lot of shows with and he did a video with his brother who's like a lawyer or a doctor. He's got and he was so funny. Yeah, and they aren't twins, but look like twins. I love, first of all. I love meaning a sibling of someone that where they have like the same voice and same mannerisms, but it's a different person. It always blows me away. Yeah, not twin, And it's just when it's they're so similar but obviously a different person. Martha Kelly's obvious person.
Yeah, you can tell on site that this is not Yes.
It's two people, because I've checked and my eyes aren't crossed.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's the yeah hearing two siblings laugh and see that they have the same laugh and realize that they don't know they have the same laugh. Yeah. I love studying brothers and sisters.
Yeah, what about the show Brothers and Sisters.
Oh, don't give any spoilers that.
But here's the thing that related. Oh no, spoiler alert.
I should have seen it coming. I should have seen that coming.
Related. You know, sometimes you look to the left because you're trying to take a right on red, which we get to do exclusively here in California. Other states suck it, but you do it for so long that the light turns green, but you're still looking. Do you ever have that happening?
Yeah, you never know if someone's sleep at the wheel or I always look both ways, even as a passenger.
Yeah, that's it is very considered of you to do that.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm here with my left arm ready to comment.
Here, thank you.
I will grab the wheel, the steering one.
As I slump over.
Yes, I'll take care of that first I'm worried about you after much like with an oxygen mask on an airplane, me first kill someone.
Just let me merge and wave. This needs to be noted. It's happening a BMW. Let me merge. I'm definitely doing. That was really nice.
Oh you did. Now they think you want to meet I do? That was too much. Your wave was like, hey, follow up, get into this car. We're going to a field. Don't worry about this guy is just my friend.
Don't you want to go to an open field?
Yes, yes, bring the hatchet, bring all your stuff.
Come on, it's field time. What if this car doesn't let us, like, doesn't stop followios for the rest of the podcast. I asked for it.
Yeah, you told them it's field time, field.
Time, sir. It was just so nice. I've I don't remember the last time I've tried to get over and the car that was in the next lane actually slowed down to give me a spot.
Yeah.
Usually they're behind you and you're just trying to be cautious and then they speed up.
Right. Yeah, it's it's and I've gotten used to it. Yeah, so much so when I go back to Montana and everyone's just it'll be like an uncontrolled four way intersection and it's for people just waving each other. No you go first, No, no, you were here for you go. They're for dinner, just kindly wasting everyone's time behind them. And those people aren't mad.
No. But this, yeah, this, I think the part of the brilliance of us thinking of this podcast because we're doing it in the one of the worst I think this and maybe New Delhi some of the worst places to drive were just like this place is Mayhem.
Do not even get me talking about the New Delhi traffic.
I mean it's rough. They keep going in circles and you just have to kind of work your way out.
Many fruit carts.
So many vespa off brand in vespas.
Yeah, I do appreciate I wave. I always acknowledge when someone lets me in. It's important. And you know it's important because you look for the wave when you let someone in. You want some acknowledgment. Yeah, sometimes we forget.
But my oh, I stop paying attention to the directions. But my windows are tinted illegally dark. So I was afraid that man wouldn't see if I just waved like that.
Yeah, yeah, that's why I have a I have tinted windows also, so I have a flashlight and I just hold it behind my hand so they see the silhouette mark. Yeah. Sometimes I'll have fun and do a rabbit or a dog hand puppet so they're like, oh, a little dog said, thank you for letting me in. Uh huh. Sometimes my improv isn't on point, but it's quick.
It is, and you're at least you're naming animals.
Yeah, and and so you know if you're that's not my fault if you're not someone that visualizes someone in lieu of waving makes the a hand position. I'm doing just for Karen right here.
Yeah, and I'm also trying it.
Assuming you can see it. Yeah. I will always do it when in a spotlight. I don't care where I'm performing.
What are you doing a Doberman? Yeah?
Yeah, Well, and then you can manipulate it. I can do a pug, I can do I can do pretty much all the.
Dogs real airdal Yeah might see it.
My fingers can do it all. I need a spotlight and a dark room.
Fixer didn't happen.
It's daytime is the where I've had so many shadow puppet shows in the daytime outdoor shows where I don't talk about the venue with whoever's booking me, and I flop, like that time I did magic at a theater in the round. Oh, they could see all of my filament.
What a terrible mistake.
I I've always thought that would be funny if a magician had to do a theater in the round. And so there's people sitting on all of three sixty of them because you know they're they're hiding their moves man.
Correct, Yeah, I get you, I got real. I actually got the entire.
Thing you did. Okay, I thought I repeat it sometimes when you didn't wave to me.
I didn't wave you on it for the reference. Yeah, yeah, I'm so sorry. I was actually wondering how I've missed my turn like seven times in a row, Like, how was it this confusing?
It just is, well some of these drive through we are going to a very exciting new dunkin Donuts drive through, and we've decided before recording that we will not eat into the mics.
You know, we didn't actually talk about it. So basically that's Chris telling me to stop eating into the mic. I think is which just happened?
No, no, I've i've I've dropped crumbs, I've eaten into the mic multiple times.
In other area codes. That's what I wanted you to say at the end. What can I tell you A slight, very short and maybe not that interesting anecdote.
I love it because my my hopes are low, so I'm only going to be pleased by it. Okat that and she just did you see that look on her face? Like like a Daria with an attitude?
She dissass me.
She really did look like Daria.
Literally, it was Daria driving at us on the wrong side of the road, like fully in my lane, and.
As she went by, she went, Nana, Nana, that's the Daria song. If anyone boy drop me off at this church.
My anecdote is that I was at a place today getting my hair done, and I got into the elevator to go back down to my car and a guy was walking toward at I knew it was gonna happen as the doors were closing a guy. I looked up and there was a guy three feet away, and so I went, oh and I and I heard him go that's okay, And then I tried to put my foot between the closing doors. I like threw my foot out this this anecdote was a mistake. I can feel it.
That's okay. What I do at this point is say, which tripped him?
Lie?
Yeah, just lie.
I almost flicked here, I'll embellish. I almost flicked my flip flop off trying to stick my foot in this closing elevator door. I thought it would just immediately go back out because it would register my foot.
You put your bare foot essentially in a closing elevator door. That's dangerous.
Uh true? But I love this man.
No.
I basically flicked my foot out and then it just didn't close, and I just pulled my foot back like sorry, like I did my best. Oh, but I kind of didn't do much.
Do you think he recognized that you really did your very last I feel like.
Because he said that's okay. Before my foot flicked out, it was like my brain told me to flick my foot out, and while my brain was talking to me, he said, don't even bother, don't bother, And I was like, it's too late. The electric signal has already gone down to the foot.
Wait. Was this guy maybe a certified hunk?
I couldn't see I did my glasses on. It really wasn't about that. I mean I think he was because I get my hair done where there's also a gym. So there are lots of men and especially gay men, who are getting it taken care of at the gym, ripped to the gills, just like they're the ones that have the muscles under their armpits, like swimmers get striations. Is that what they're called?
Yeah, latstriations, lats. I had them as a kid. They're pretty nice for one summer.
Maybe you should get just lats back.
Yeah. I used to be tore up from the floor off, but then I discovered late night cheese pleasers.
Hold on, we have to put in our order at don't.
You tell me? Yeah, I don't know what happened to me. Hi, I'll have a s'mores anything.
Oh no, no, we need a second. Sorry, weird? Thank you?
We're podcasting.
Oh look at the choices. This is Nutso do you guys know what you want?
I'll have an iced coffee and a blueberry muffin. Coffee cake, blueberry muffin.
Okay, it's an iced coffee. Do you want medium?
Long?
Medium?
A medium's great?
Uh? Maybe a pump of vanilla, A little.
Vanilla, yes, please? And then also a blueberry muffin? Onalis, Can I get a mango pineapple refreshing? Yeah? What size would you like?
Media? Okay? And can?
Then? Can I get two medium mango pineapple refreshers? What do you think I'm gonna do? Lemonade? Both lemonade? Please? And then oh you have to get do you want a donut on aalise?
Oh?
You might as well. Chris is getting a muffin. I mean maybe the I've heard I've heard things about the munchkins. Let's get some munchkins when so? Can we get the ten munchkin order? Thank you?
Your hair looks like it's from a commercial about hair.
Thank you.
It is moving on its own accord, almost in a way where I was shocked at first, because your head wasn't moving, and it's kind of undulating like a length of silk flapping in the breeze. And they did a great job with your roots. I'm being I'm not trying to sell anyone out down by the river with the roots. But it's the coloring. You don't know you've had good coloring until it's had me see it. Knowing nothing about hair, coloring and it looks.
Great, and saying, check out that hair color.
Yeah, just looked like I didn't say, did you get your hair done? I believe I said did you get new hair? It looked like you got a transplant. I'm like, did you go to Bosley Institute? I almost said, but it looks great.
I'm not just the president, I'm also a member.
Yes, the classic hair clfes for men reference. Yes, it's I'm not bragging. I will you know, I'll insult myself in many ways and I try not to. But I'm not going bald.
Not anytime soon.
No, I'm like a cheat. I'm like a chia. I'm like a chinchilla. Yeah, or chia? Is that the plant that it grows out of a pot? Yeah? Why did I forget? Why did I think all it was a burrowing animal all of a.
Sudden, Well, a chinchilla is. And they sound similar? Is that the confusion?
Yes it is, but both have the kind of head of hair I'm wanting and having.
It is what I think we're agreeing exactly.
Yeah, So I'm taking a little time to brag about myself.
Good because I'm sure it made you feel bad to really compliment me about my.
Yeah, there was an imbalance in the car.
You had to get in there and say, hey, wait a second.
You can smell it. You can almost smell the thick imbalance.
But I got to believe it was like some sort of keratin treatment. So not only did I get my roots done in a little trim, but he also did a real nice conditioning thing, which I think is what you're seeing in the piece is flowing like self.
Yeah. Yeah, it's very shiny, but not in an oily way, thank you, in a dry, almost light refractive type way.
Great. Yeah, I'm loving.
Yeah, very very silky, very very good, very good.
Thanks Chris.
There was a time I guess where I had. We're just waiting in line. Yeah, the real conversation starts when the wheels are rolling.
That's right, We're almost we're almost conversationally in a dead zone when we are stopped, right, because it just gives us too much time to be to think about.
It, right exactly. But I had a bald spot in the center top of my head the size of a silver dollar from what I didn't even know was there. My friend, my roommate was like, that's been there the whole time I've known you, A perfect bald spot center top center zero, just shiny scalp. And I went to a dermatologist and he said, oh, that's alopecia. Ooh, I'll give you a shot. A steroid. A needle went in there. All the hair grew back white. So I had a first host of talk soup white tuft like a skunk thing.
I wish I could reference that name right now.
Yeah, man John something. No, no, that's a comic, a road dog. But this white hair grew at a faster rate than my normal hair, so it actually was longer. It was insane, and over time it went back to its normal color. And that was and that was ten years ago, and it hasn't. I'm back, so thank god. I don't know why Will Smith hit Chris Rock that you know, just give it. I don't. I didn't, Oh god, thank you. Threw it at me like I'm a busker. I gave Karen three dollars and she took two of them and threw the other one like I was a guy guy playing guitar at the beach. She balled it up and threw it at my face.
Thank you. I'm so excited about the munchon. Okay, great, can you take that?
Oh yes, wow, that's a lot of liquid.
Also, those are mediums, I mean, fucking Nutso what is the large?
Just one of those helmets with two straws coming out of it. Are these identical beverages?
They are?
Oh sorry turtles. Oh that's the worst sound ever.
Yeah, that was like styrofoam, a styrofoam sound.
Okay, before we get out on the road, I want to show you that the only video I've had go viral. It's earned me over seven dollars already. What in the It's a skateboarding video and I just approve. Yes, thanks see that, Chris?
Will you put that on our socials?
Sure?
Come on.
See I've been skating and I wanted to show you that one because I actually left the ground.
What was that move called.
It's called a no comply, but I hit it off the curb. Yeah, so it's a curb no comply.
And now our curb no comply is rare.
They've made a comeback. But secretly I've been doing them since the nineties. So it's one of those tricks that I have in the bag. Yes, and so when I pull it out, a lot of young kids think, oh, you're doing a current trick, and I'm like that tricks from the late eighties.
Now, would you say, of all the tricks you can do at this moment in your skating career, is that the craziest.
No, it's one of the easiest. For Oh, it's just a matter of committing to landing on it.
Why would that go viral then, because for other people it's not as easy.
That's what I My self esteem went through the roof because all these pro skater friends were like, I'm gonna need some pointers on that one, Like no, yeah, really, my ego that and the fact I've never bald or had balded or had a cavity. You know, I just felt like a superhero for a day.
Yeah, per day.
And again I've made upward close to eight dollars.
I mean, that's got to feel incredible.
I've gone viral. It is the video I've done of all the comedy twenty five years of stand up under my belt, my little skate videos got more views from strangers. I got a little notification confetti You're part of the club. I mean imagine I'll get a plaque? Are you?
Is that Instagram or TikTok. It's just Instagram. Let's get more of those going for you. Thanks how I mean, no, this is a plan, let's do it.
I just switched my little account. I didn't know you can monetize. It's a button. So that's just my first Who knows how I'd probably be a homeowner.
Congrats, Well, thank you, you're going to get there.
But the comments on there were like childhood heroes, even an emoji of flame or something. I was nerding out my little no comply over them. There's a famous there's a larger planter at Costco, the only place I skate that is like twelve feet long, and some kid hit his board on that and no copply it over that whole thing and that was like a featured trick of the month or whatever on all the so so I think it reminds people of that one. Yeah, it was just good timing. That's how you got to be with his social media stuff. See what's trending.
Get in there, say I can do this too.
Plant or curb no complies are huge this month.
I was saying that. I was just saying that earlier, and you never know, next month it might just get me canceled. It's like you can't talk about no complies anymore.
Yeah, yeah, Sorry.
What was the name that you saw that really got your heart racing? When they somebody that you're saying childhood hero? Can you name them?
It's funny because some of them are friends that i'd like feel like a dork. It's so funny. You could put me in a room with John Ham And I don't know why. I always think of John Gosling Gillen Hall movie. I can't think of famoue famous people, but the skateboarders that I grew up with their picture on my wall, Yes, who are yeah? One? You know there's a guy named Barker Barrett that he's one guy that likes comedy and we just have organically corresponded on social media. I didn't know what it was. I did not because his handle isn't his name. I thought it was just a nice guy that also likes to skate curbs. But he's one of my my favorite skaters.
It was a secret hidden skateboard star.
Yeah yeah, and he was like wow, and that just that wow, as you know, because we're both he's in his fifties and you know, yeah, we're all just holding on for the little pleasures. And so yeah, that's that's the name I'll drop. If you want me to drop a name, I do. Yeah, Barker Barrett. I like if he's a good job. Here's what I have to say to Barker Barrett.
Good job to you, Good job to you being an industry pioneer.
Yeah right, yeah, Barker Barrett. We all loved your video now and later back when you skated for the the old company Planet Earth Planets Skateboards.
Thank you, you know, yeah, yeah, we all feel this way.
Karen's always talking about Brian lott Brian Lockey Lottie. Brian Lottie is a is a skateboarder. I grew up very much enjoying his tricks and his style. And then one day he did all the artwork in the Apple stores. He's a painter now, oh shit, and he got a huge account. I was like, oh, I got to tell him congratulations. But I've never met him, don't have access to him, but in my mind he's been in my life for thirty plus years. But so anyway, if you're listening, Brian Lottie, Karen and I both big fans, Brian, we like your paintings.
I like you before you were in the Apple store.
Yep, yep, I'm not saying yeah, I liked I liked you when you were poor.
I liked you, or before you were sellout.
Yeah.
No, how much time we spent talking about selling out in the nineties and how sad that is in twenty twenty four.
Yeah, and everyone that was talking that way is realizing it was a poor way to look at life.
Well it literally, Yeah, you really have to do quality and in the experience.
You really have to be on the hunt for that perfect sellout. Yeah, and I'm trying.
I'm trying, I mean hold out a little further.
Yes, Yeah, I don't think skateboarding is going to be my future, but it did make me feel good.
Have you ever seen two orange on top?
They are, yeah, a blinking yellow which we you and I know as proceeded with caution yield. But someone climbed up on there like it was monkey bars and hung two caution flags from the post.
Which I think is gilding the lily. I'm already looking at a blinking yellow official stoplight. You don't need to tell me to be careful as I look at it.
Yeah, you might as well tie a couple of basketball shoes together and fling them over the pole.
Is it a BMX Star, No, that's just a child. Damn it. Crying, Lottie, are you here?
That actually the two wheel mechanism that kid was on. It's an e bike, but they are like street legal, and that child, I think you and I both know, doesn't have a driver's license. He was not of a driving age. He was, but he was on a e bike that probably goes forty five miles an hour, has dirt bike tires on a suspension.
I have seen these bikes and I've seen children on them with no helmet driving in traffic in Los Angeles.
And as someone that doesn't wear a helmet while skateboarding, although it did today, I was skating a bull and I didn't want to hit my head, so I've got a helmet and i got kneepads. But on a motorcycle, it is not when it's a matter of time when you collide with a car. And I'm sorry motorcyclists out there. We got a lot of hog riders that listen to this program.
They know that that's part of the danger.
They're all about Yeah, that you think you got to be open to it.
Yeah, you better be.
It's not if it's when you're courting danger. Yeah, and that kid shouldn't be on that powerful of a silent killer. All the electronic bikes, you can't hear them coming in my Neighborhoodally, there are these little motorcycles that like people buy kids and it has the loudest like you know, lawnmower motor on it, like it's with tiny wheels. That's a whole different thing that's so loud that it's like, we get it. You don't want anyone to hit you. Maybe that's what the whole Harley Davidson thing is that's always bothered me. They're so loud, they set off car alarms. It's ear pollution, it's a nuisance. But maybe it's a safety thing, because when you're on the freeway and you hear a Harley like so loud coming up behind you, you'd like veer out of the way and make room for them. Yeah, I'm just now out loud realizing that they're just concerned for their own safety.
I mean, perhaps, but there are people who do that to their cars for right, for bizarre you will you will acknowledge me reasons that I'm like, okay, except for can't it be turned down like eleven decibels? Right, so that we're not all just suffering for the eight seconds you pass through our life.
No, sorry, born with a little will. Sorry.
Man, When you say it like that, it all makes sense.
Yeah. Just can you please turn your engine down? And they just flash you a baby picture? Oh my apologies. Yeah, it can be as loud as you want. That was an anomaly of nature.
Do your thing.
Oh, I don't know if that's the reason.
I mean, everyone has their.
Reasons, yes, yes, yeah, yeah, someone they want to be tough. It's like some people get like me. I got a tattoo because I thought people would stop messing with me.
But it's what was the tattoo of?
Well, it's under my shirt and it's my mother's name, incursive. But in certain circles that'll get me. Uh, you know, someone's meal out on the yard. Oh if I ever get locked.
Up, is that something you're planning on doing or no?
No, I'm not going to jail. Okay, great, yeah, pay my taxes. Never never done it, I'm honest.
Well, but you are skating. No, complies over planters in Costco without permission.
Yes, someone could just out of nowhere a pedestrian. I didn't see them. My board flies hits them in the temple. I'm locked up inslitary manslaughter.
It's over.
That's when I get my father's name on the other chest.
And people start they're like hey on, people on the cell blocker like no, please don't and you're like, look, I'll let it go this time.
Just give that guy your commissary. He loved his parents. Coming up on the left and in front of a seventy thousand dollars house, we have a raccoon ready. Cyber truck trucks still my favorite news item. It's not the best, and we have so many news items these days.
Oh, there's so much news items to pick from.
It it's just I've tried to write jokes about it, but it's it's ends up being because the drivers are garbage or whatever. You know, there's not a good joke that you're going to make. And that one, by the way, was just off that I was just riffing there. Clearly I didn't actually say that to an audience. Good, but they really do. It has to be I think They especially look like European dumpsters, like not the blue ones we know around here. So I don't know if these raccoons are coming over from the UK, but I've seen the dumpsters posted next to a cyber truck that are identity. Like the angle is the same. It's like an a frame that's longer on one side than the other. And so, you know, it just makes you realize how much these raccoons are traveling.
I mean they do. I bet they get on luxury liners to come over to America.
The way rats used to on the like the Titanic.
Yes, if they truly care about their passion, which is garbage, they will make the trip to stick their hands all over a cyber truck. Yeah, try to get their snacks.
Yeah, then no one ever stops them, like the boat security is like nap, that's just a cat with a robbers mask on. Nah, that's the thing about raccoon, don't lie. They always have a Zoro mask.
Oh my god. You know there's a new TV series called Zoro. It's a Spanish speaking cast. We ended up watching it the other night, my friend Zach and Zach Nory Towers you know him.
Yes, I just did a show with Zach and we had a great time. Very much like.
Zach, he's the greatest, super funny. Where did you do that show?
It was in Santa Monica at the West Side Comedy Theater. Oh fun and Zach and I both had really fun sets good and yeah, we had a good time talking. I feel very comfortable. There's certain people where I don't know Zack that well, but once we start talking, I'm like, oh, I've known.
You forever completely.
There's just a handful like that.
He's the person that I met him through my friend Jacob, who was who was friends with him. Jacob's from Canada, came to visit me. He's like, do you mind if our friend, my friend Zach comes and hangs out and now me and Zach are friends. Like it was like immediately, I'm like, yes, you will be sticking around, right, you will continue to be a part of this. So oftentimes we do like a movie and I just watch like a horror movie or something stupid and eat dinner together. And but lately we're like he sees everything in the theater. I don't see anything. So I don't want to like make him rewatch stuff.
Oh that's funny because out of nowhere, he was like, do you have an AMC pass right or do you do the monthly Alamo thing? Like several different options to watch. Yep, all the movies you want for and it is a good deal. I need to do that. Yeah, yeah, that's movie buff.
He's a big movie buff. So we just couldn't pick anything. And then I'm like, well, let's just see what Zero's about. And we ended up watching like two episodes of it. It was really good and like it was, it was really interesting and I don't know, that's the thing I do love about streaming. I love watching other countries' TV and like comparing it to our TV and kind of like, oh, this is how they do that or this is I don't know. I think it's super fascinating.
Yeah, and it's gotten to the point where I will watch pretty much anything French.
Oh really, I just because of that one show that you yeah It's Mary Anne, Yeah, which everyone I always tell people watch it and they end up watching the default English dubbed version, which is, of course it's don't ever.
Watch a dub thing. I yeah, you get used to the reading of it and it's I think you enjoy it more reading it because the narration is so poetic. But anyway, that just the way the actor, the actors are so good and that and anything that I've watched that's French that makes it onto Netflix. Yeah, be it like a crime heist thing. Any did you see that one?
I think it's Loupon and it's yeah, I loved it.
Oh yeah, And there's a something I don't know if it's French New wave or what. What the trend with French the lighting, just the way that things are lit. I'd say French new wave because of you know the guy that did Mon Uncle. I don't know. Is this getting to ja Yes? Yes, yes, you know Jaquet? Is that his name? Yess? That's that French new wave. What's the movie that where it's a bisected house and it was silent?
I believe it's playtime?
It is playtime? Yeah?
What do we both French heads? Well, here's the thing, French films. When my dad's in town. We've talked about this. When my dad's in town, I have to pick movies that he won't start complaining about because he's very picky. He loves to say this is phony. Halfway through? Yeah, I'm like, what do you Sorry, it's a movie, but yeah. So he always talks about Jacques Tati because he finds it so creative and delightful. So when he was visiting last time, we watched one of those movies and I won't be able to remember now, but it was the one where it starts in the airport and it basically follows these American tourists coming into France, going into the city, going out to dinner, going to a club, all this stuff, but there's no dialogue, right, that's.
Yeah, that's playtime was like that. Yeah, and does it have those long shots with no edit, like fifteen minute yes shots.
So you are basically and I don't know if that's considered verte, because it's like you're just sitting there, like you're on the street and the thing's happening on the camera. It's like that's how it would have happened in real life. Right, I'm not sure if that's what that is, but it like those movies. The one we watched, I wish I can remember the name of it. There were so many I started realizing they were hidden like Easter eggs. So when the tourists were at this club. It was called like the Crown Club, and so you're watching it and there's really funny physical comedy, like all the waiters were doing different stuff and dropping.
Stuff because there's no dialogue. It's there's some Charlie Chaplin.
Now it's all yeah, it's a bunch of visual stuff. But then what I realized is because it's a brand new club, so as they're going through the night, things are falling apart because like they just opened. And then I realized, I go, wait a second, all the women because of course they're wearing like sixties cocktail dresses. Yeah, they all have weird I was like, that lady has a weird scar on her back. Well, slowly but surely, you realize the chairs they're sitting in are like steel back chairs with a crown design, like a crown shape, and the paint from the chairs is getting on the women, but they but you.
Just like it's just subtle, very subtle.
But slowly you realize everyone gets up to dance, and as they're dancing around, you're like, why, what's on her? And then you're like, that's from the chair. And it's like so all these ways that are built in of how this night is terrible and actually like going really badly, but nobody's noticing. Yeah, and you're noticing because you're just sitting there kind of, it's so brilliant.
Yeah, and other movies like these damn American films, well shove it and they'll have someone saying, oh my god, there's a crown on your back. It's from the chairs, yes, right, Like why give the audience some credit?
Give them like let them have the fun of discovery. But here's the thing that's that I realized as we were watching that because it was so delightful and we like the entire time, we were all having the best time watching it. And then I was like, this is art because this is the filmmaker saying they're gonna love this, and they're gonna love this, like putting in these things, giving the audience the benefit of the doubt. Then like coming up with these amazing The waiters doing this shit were like the waiters passing a bottle of wine. This one waiter was drinking wine. Then the headwaiter notices that the waiters are drinking, so he puts like a burnt cork, he rubs it on the top of a wine bottle. And so then there's one waiter walking around with just this little black circle of like lipstick on his mouth because he's the one drinking it. Oh, that's great, Like things like that that are so subtle and simple but hilarious.
It's funny because I haven't seen this movie and I can't stop thinking of it being Buster Katon or Charlie Chafflin, right like that. That's silent film.
That's it is. It's kind of like an elevated version of a silent film. Did you see that? Did you see what that woman and I just that experienced she and I just had?
Was there no wave? Are we back to? What part of town are we in?
That?
She? No? No, No.
What she did is she looked over with a look of pure panic on our face, and just from that I interpreted and waved for over and she just did it. That's what women can do if we elect Vice President gomalayrus that, that's what we can start getting done in this country.
Just does Kamala have to have a look of panic on her face to get things done?
No, she never will.
Oh, we look at her with a panic.
And it will be I am already locked into your concern and I will make the room for you.
Whoever is in charge of the Instagram or you know their social media, and they are killing it. There are so many funny the thing where it show's drump like they say, uh, she's done this and this and I'm a convicted Fela and it just cuts it off and she says, I'm Kamala Harris. I approve this message. That's the brilliant. I watched it over and over. It's like, this is one of my favorite comedy videos. There's just so much energy right now that feels good. We'll also needed it.
So badly that feels too. Like somebody somewhere said, hey, we've been like this. The age range needs to change of people who have their hands on the button. Like it can't just be some fifty year old that's kind of managing down and telling people we have to be careful of this, and we have to be careful of that. It's like they've basically gotten together and gone. We have to start doing our own messaging proactively, and we have to do it to the people that we want to be speaking to. And the difference between it and what's come before is so incredibly important and valid where It's like these people who are doing that work should be in charge in a lot of other places and be given the wheel.
Yeah, it's very exciting.
Let the youngsters up in front. They know what they're doing.
Like my dad says, everything will be fine once old guys like me are dead, and I'm like, please, Dad, don't say that. Also kind of true, he knows, he knows he golfs with him. But yeah, no offense to any of your dads. We love our dads enough to get a tattoo of them. My point is, you know my point.
What is your point?
My point is, no comply. Young people are great over a curb.
I'm the kind of person that learns one skateboard term and I'm going to fucking use it in every possible way.
I can that that one mentioning that would get you a lot of street cred.
Great, That's what I'm looking for. Unearned street cred.
Is what I'm all about, because it's a trick that's been around the block for a while. And if you said, oh, I used to be able to no comply, someone will believe you. So I want to say, early tricks, I used.
To be able to no comply. I wouldn't say I used to be able to do a no comply. You want to get in this middle lane, sir.
Yeah, because a no comply that means, oh, you can just do one on the flat ground. If you just say I used to be able to no comply anything, then it's like, oh, I can only imagine all the different ways this person could no comply.
And then I would have to move away quickly because they.
There will be follow up questions, Yeah, yeah, you got it. Run you gotta say it and run? What's that?
I used to use an old one. My skateboarding term that I love to throw around was the mick.
The mc twist.
Yeah, no, is there another mick.
The Mike McGill invented the mctwist, which is an inverted five. But that's less believable because you have to have a vert ramp. It's it's I do specific type of scape I built want In Quarantine, I'm just saying the backstory. That's even more questions that are going to be asked. It has to be something you can do on the streets as a kid, no matter where you're from, and alie, oh sure, okay, but everyone's gonna say allie. Yeah, you know that's like a go to. This is as classic a move, but a little more sate, a little more like okay, okay, okay, yeah, no comply, okay, no complies. Yeah, they're not for everybody, but they got respect.
What are what's the term you would use if you were trying a little bit to seem impressive. Oh, that doesn't involvet ramps, are dropping into a bowl or any of those things that we don't want to get involved in right now, right.
What if I'm in a game of skate, which is like playing basketball horse, but it's skate tricks. So someone does a skate trick and you have to mimic that trick, okay, and if you don't do it, you get a letter.
Great.
Do you understand the rules game? Yep. In a game of skate which a lot of men my age appropriate friend group will play a game of skate, I will always get them with my g nolly heel flips. Nollie, Yes, it's off the nose and I flip it with my back foot heel flip that. It's a trick that's easy for me, but not everyone learned it.
So you're good at the tricks. Basically, you chose to practice.
Yes, got it. And it's funny because I learned that one because all my friends could do gnully toe flips. And we're a group, so it's like, hey, I'll take care of this trick. It's weird. But the friend we weren't competing. We were a group of friends, so I learned a lot of tricks that they didn't bother learning. Yeah, isn't that funny. That's if we're going to go on tour as a group and do a demo. We got all between the five of us, we're going to entertain everyone in this mall. I used to get so excited.
Where's the variety?
The children ask, yes, that's where this guy comes in. And then he burst through a flaming rula hoop like a Collie Jake player and does his uh it's you don't mention the toe with a regular no life flip. You don't know it's a kick flip, but it's off the nose.
The nose is the front it is. That's a good question, and.
That's the tail.
The tail.
The heel is the back part of my foot. What what we all know to be a heel? So you do what looks like, hey, this is going to be an allie, And then suddenly you extend that front foot and you flick it with your heel and it flip.
Oh, it flips under you. You come down with the in the good faith that it's going to be right side up.
Yeah, and you it it. Sometimes faith is not going to be on your side. You got to learn to land on the bolts, my friend. No, yeah, the bolts, otherwise your board will break. That's the all that's the other hard part about's getting you. You try and land it willy nilly in the middle, you're gonna break your board and you have to wait five months and mow lawns to get a new one. It was hard. It was hard grown up.
So you were taking so much more risk than just the risk of physical hurt.
There were so many times I would paint windows for Christmas to have money all year, and then I would buy a skateboard, go out and snap it in half immediately immediately. Because skateboards used to be made. There's a documentary about this guy that owned a lot of the companies. They were making the plywood skateboards in like a furniture store, and they skated well, but they broke. Like my little one hundred and fifty pound body was snapping boards like I'd go through like three in a summer. I feel like, now you can drive over them and they don't break.
You should have gotten my skateboard brand this Stingray. Did I ever tell about the sting Ray I got for Christmas one year?
No, I think I've seen a Stingray. I'm thinking of a bicycle though.
Scene ray is, yes, there's Scenewray bicycle. But this thing was fully plastic. It was red, very thick, plastic, kind of small, and I tried to write it down our street which had just been like paved and graveled, and it was so loud the gravel, like the noise was so loud under it that I didn't realize a.
Car was behind me. Oh wow.
And that was the last time I skateboarded on the old sting Ray.
You got hit by a car?
No, no, no, I just was like, boo, I'm not qualified to be doing this on the road.
I hate it when they invented that type of resurfacing. They lay down a bunch of oil and then pour gravel on it. Yeah, so then gravel coated rocks are flinging in the air, sticking to the side of your vehicle, and it doesn't become a smooth street for like three summers. Yeah, and then eventually it just takes too long. It's like, are you gonna do my street? Are you going to make nature do it over the course of my entire teenage years? Yeah?
Or do we live in a poor part of town and you'll never fucking get know.
It was because I was in the flats. Up on the hill they still had ass fault. Oh yeah, but down in the flats.
You're left to your own devices.
Yeah, yeah, it's uh, and you would you would sometimes there would be an uncovered where they forgot to put some gravel. It's just a puddle of tar, and my dad go and sprinkle his own gravel.
Yeah, he was.
Left to his own devices. Sometimes when we have these conversations that go all around, I feel like it's an unused curb your enthusiasm scene.
You mean cutting room floor?
Yes, yes, yes, yeah, something that you know.
Uh yeah, well, I sorry, I was I kind of uh checked out slightly because oh it's okay, I this drink is so sweet. Oh it's why take a sip of that if you dare.
Okay, this is what a Lisa and I both ordered m That feels good on my cold sores. That's been That's an old bit. That's an old bit whenever I take it drink at Seventh's Drink. I'm sorry that I had to pull fifteen years old. I came up with that one. It's way too sweet.
It's insane, right, yeah, not a way too sweet? What do you agree? I've had about seven Yeah. I mean it's like, I love the I love the energy behind it, but Jesus fucking Christ.
There are times where I request one pump of vanilla and it still makes my teeth hurt. Yeah, So I just I'm a one one pump guy.
Well, and also one time I was at a dunk I went to a Dunkin Donuts at the airport if I could remember where I was, which doesn't matter, but that's the kind of thing I start thinking of when I tell story like this. Yeah, and I got a bagel with cream cheese, and it was the sweetest bagel I'd ever had. Because it's like, oh yeah, it's Dunkin Donuts. They're like, oh right, everything here is has a glaze on it, like is sweetly delicious in the bagels?
Really a sweet bagel. Are you sure they didn't just give you a donut? Uh? Yes?
But that's that was the thing is like it was such a crazy taste to experience, like looking at a bagel, like, let's pull over for this.
Yeah. Karen and I have both kind of volunteer firefighters. So we stopped three miles from an oncoming there. They're just up the street. Here. We're waiting for them.
Because I was like, there's nowhere to pull over up.
Then let's say, ooh, that guy flipped a U turn. He wants to help too.
Ooh, he's coming after him.
Citizens on Patrol. That's the wraps on from Police Academy too, colon Citizens on Patrol with a young David Spade.
Do you remember any of the other words to citizens on Patrol?
No? I do not. I do not. I've tried to, but I end up accidentally doing the wrap from Revenge of the Nerds. There's just there's a period of my life where I'd didn't go outside very much. He just watched VHS tapes, Yes, many VHS tapes, including a clockwork Orange which I shouldn't have seen at age twelve.
Good lord, I know where where was the Jacques Tatis when you were putting that VHS tape in?
I know, I know there was just it was just too much for me. That movie gave me nightmares as a kid. I should not have seen It's it's.
So terribly inappropriate. But in there in so many scenes, but the one scene I remember because I feel like I was too young when I saw it, and I was like, probably college aged, but I was like, oh, I shouldn't have seen that. That's so disturbing. But the one scene that really is disturbing is when they break into that house. Yeah, do that home invasion?
That's where that's we of course when I'm thinking, of course, yeah, it absolutely uh you know you're not supposed to see that in a art with a movie that's like, oh, this is an artful art film, an artful art film. That's that's where my vocabulary is gone. But I'm not that's where your art is.
Sorry, that truck looked like it was about to slim in.
I like artful art.
I think that's good. Yeah, thats in it.
Yes, you can be seated, sir as I was saying security guard. Oh yeah, why don't you park in a neighborhood, you creep? Oh I am. There is a show so I know, I say artful art. But there's a show that Pat Oswald is hosting called One Percent, which isn't about tax brackets. It's about uh, you know, you work your way to all these levels of trivia and it's not trivia actually, it's like brain teasers and can you unscramble these words? Yeah, and it's all stuff that I remember being on an IQ test that I took for some college course and they said, oh, you have a very high IQ. I'm like, no, no, no, this This entire test was visual puzzles. I'm gonna be good at those. You put some math in there, it's over. Yeah. Yeah. So I watched the entire episode. Granted there was some where you have to figure out there's all these clues. It's like, it's not after November, but it's before October whatever. It's it's narrowing it down with this long run on sentence to one month that you have to figure out that one. I did have to pause. It was the final question.
To think it through.
Yes, I just had to read this sentence, was it August? It was April and I got it right, and the person that won bet all the money and she didn't get it anyway. I won one hundred thousand dollars the other I got all the questions and that was the only one. I had to pause and like kind of figure it out.
That's exciting, which.
You probably don't have the luxury on that show, but who knows, maybe they edited it to make it look like it's last time. But I was like, do I have to be on this show? Because so it starts with this first question, ninety percent of the Americans poll got it, and then it's seventy and then and then you're only one percent of the country knew this question. It was that month one, and I felt I was like, wanted to again. I don't have Patent's phone number, but I was like, get me on the show.
Wait to say, though, can I just say you should be on the show?
I want to be on it.
You clearly have this is it's a certain type of intelligence, its visual intelli.
I was wrong when I said trivia it is it.
Is U puzzles.
Puzzles, Yeah, we're scrambles. Also, which pig gets to the house. First, you have to look at the map like it starts with things that would be in Highlights magazine, the publication and your dentist's office. Fun, right, I love it.
Please, don't man explain Highlights Magazine to me.
I just wanted you to remember that it was in your dentists Sophie.
Don't you dare talk to about doctor Brown aren Let.
Me tell you a little bit about Highlights. Oftentimes they'll show a tree and it says find the coconut and the monkey and the tree.
There's two boys you've never heard of them. They're called Goofus and Gallon. Oh god, I loved that magazine.
Yeah, I got so excited. And these for those little visual uh you know, mazes and word scrambles. But also there is just logic questions. But none of it is what history. You know, jeopardy will I will feel so dumb. If it's English literature for five hundred, I'm just like, okay, the best. I should have paid more attention in school. But this one, dare, I say, is all street smart. Well.
Also, I need to just remind you of this, which you know, I don't want to be. I don't want to harsh. Your one percent vibe right, and now I'm excited to watch that show. But just remember that if you are on it and then you start to get them wrong. I just want to remind you during Quarantine, when we were on that Zoom game show and you just got up and walked away. Oh remember that you thought you were having technical problems. You got so mad that you just went and started doing pull ups.
Yeah, I did start doing this.
The funniest thing I've ever seen in my life.
It's even worse. They were just chin ups. Yeah. I am competitive, and I didn't know that I was because I didn't play a lot of team sports. But if I start to lose, I will go off on my own and punish myself with exercise.
So just be here.
Yeah.
I don't think it's gonna happen on the one percent, but just remember you're gonna be on a TV set. You're gonna probably have to ask for that chin up bar.
Yeah, Patton, I'd love to be on the show, But one question. Do you have a workout room for those who hate themselves?
I might have to storm off mid taping.
To some aerobics. Yeah, it's easy watching while you're doing something like sewing patches on a pairavetty Bower shorts.
I want to watch that.
Yeah me sewing now, thank you, I did it all by hand. But it's yeah, it's it's really good show. And Patten the jokes that he has during the like thirty seconds they have to figure out each question, they're solid jokes, and I think they rehearse the banter with the guests, Like it's not just like Jeopardy where it's like, oh, you want to mention what you do and your kids. They have like little bits worked out, and all the guests are so good at riffing with Patten. It's what like at midnight, but what at midnight used to be.
I'm so interested in you're.
Looking at your phone while I'm talking about Pattent's.
I'm so sorry because I'm looking up the show to see, oh, because you know, he got to hire his own writers. I just want to see because there's.
So many good jokes on it. Yeah, but the people are in the middle of figuring out a question, so they probably aren't listening to the jokes like you're you know I am though, Yeah, these are really good jokes. Yeah, one Percent is a very good show.
Let's take it the little peeky poo at exactly who's involved.
And it's funny because you hear one percent and you think of uber rich people, which I guess you would be. Coincidentally, if you won, you would be in that tax bracket. Yeah, it's that one hundred thousand dollars, but suddenly turn to forty five and then you're like, now I know why my uncle with three boats is always complaining. But it it is very good. I watched the whole season actually created.
By Andy Auerbach and Dean Nabarro and Wes Cobble. Is this show running the.
Bottle jumping home show? What? Anyway? That's what I'm that's when I'm plugging. We're in the parking lot, so I know we're going to wrap it up. But everyone watched one percent one percent.
I love. That's a good wreck.
And also Zoro and watch at Zoro. It may or may not be an Espaniel. And be sure to like and subscribe and enjoin my no Comply video.
Oh please support Chris's viral moments.
At this point, I've probably earned nine dollars during this drive.
Oh here's the thing we never say, mm hmm, thank you nine dollars. Thank you. Well, we never tell our audience because we have the best audience. We truly do our listeners really are.
I miss them and I used to see them and I want to go get back out there.
You got to go see them again. But thank you so much for always supporting. Do you need ride if you would like to support us further? And reviewing and subscribing to the podcast makes a huge difference. Oh yeah, and we never really say stuff like that, and we started to say it on My Favorite Murder and it made a huge difference. Like people actually will go do it if you're like, hey, if you're in the like iTunes podcast app, you can just go rate it right on the show page. There's like five empty stars. You can give us as many as you want, please, sir, you can do whatever you want.
But imagine me coming up with soot on my face and fingerless gloves, I have an upturned hat. Please rate our podcast please.
If you like it, maybe other people will like it as well.
Yeah, even right, like a nice yelp.
Review exactly, But don't write it on yellp.
Don't get on yelp. It's impossible. They make you download the app and.
Also it's yeah.
Yeah, well you can't listen to podcasts on Yelp. I wish I never mentioned it.
Uh, but I think this might be our fightiest episode ever.
I'm furious you could have had my back on so many things that I said that made no sense.
You know what I want you to do?
More?
Chin ups? Get over there?
You stop no budding me, stop no complying me. Well you used to no comply. Okay, let's stop this. You've been listening to Do you Need a Ride?
D y n A.
This has been an Exactly Right production produced by Analise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choi.
Our talent booker is Patrick Cootner.
Theme song by Karen Kilgarreth.
Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.
For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.
Thank you, Oh You're welcome
