Pick up the pieces of your life, put them back together with the words you write. All the beauty and peace and the magic that you'll start too fun When you write your story, you get the words and said, don't you think it's down to let them out and write them down and cold. It's all about and write your story, Rite, write your story. Hello, and welcome back to the Write Your Story Podcast. I'm Ali Fallon. I'm your host on today's episode. There's so many things I want to talk about, I'm gonna have to whittle it down to just one. So I think I'll start with what feels most pressing to me. Given what's unfolding in front of all of us, or at least many of us at this time if you live in the United States, there's a lot that's happening on the political stage, most of which I feel like I've been avoiding the fray. I've had my head a bit buried in the sand, as they say, I've not been on social media. I've been checking the news much. I don't watch like the news news. Most of how I get my news is on social media. And yet because of the way things have unfolded them last week, and I'll get to that in just a second. I feel like I'm a little bit more tuned in to what's been happening than I often am, and I wonder if the same might be true for you. As I was thinking about recording this episode, I was actually thinking about you and thinking like I need to do like a wellness check. I need to just like check in and be like, hey, let's check in with ourselves and ask like, how are we doing? How am I doing? Because I was getting my kids loaded up to drop them off at their camp today. We were out last week for severe weather a couple of times, and it was a chaotic week, and I'll get to that in just a second again. But as I was loading them up this morning, I was just like, man, I I'm okay, but I'm not okay. I don't know if that resonates with anyone who's listening, but I'm okay. I'm going to be okay. I'm going to get myself feeling grounded again. But this morning, as I was getting them loaded up, I was just like, I am really not okay. I need to get these kids to somewhere where they're going to have a good time and they're safe and they're covered, and I need to come home and I need to do some things to take care of myself. So that's really what I want to talk about today, because last week I talked about how I was practicing staying grounded and staying present in my life even during times of messiness or chaos or stress. And I talked about how I got stun by b and had to go to the emergency room and how I found out my kids had lice and it felt like everything kind of exploded and unfolded all at once, and I was practicing this practice of staying in my life, staying alive to my life, staying present to what is good about my life even when things are messy, even when I don't have control, because hey, spoiler alert, we do not have control over every little detail in our lives. We can't always have things perfectly organized, and sort of letting the perfectionist that lives inside of me unravel and unroll and giving permission for the truest part of me to live and to realize, like, hey, this is your life, even when things are not perfectly organized. This is your life, and there's so much goodness to it. Can you soak it? All in. Can you receive what your life is trying to offer you even when it isn't delivered in this perfectly wrapped up little package like you want it to be sometimes And that's what I was practicing. And I even made the comment in last week's episode about how oftentimes when I decide here's something I'm going to practice in my life, my life throws me all these opportunities to practice it. It's like, hey, here's an opportunity to practice this thing that this habit that you want to implement, or this you know, this muscle that you want to exercise or strengthen, Here's an opportunity to get even better at that thing that you want to do. And life has not disappointed. It has thrown many opportunities my way this week for me to practice staying present in my life even when things are very chaotic. And one of the things that has come up for me that I want to talk about today is how staying present for your life when things are messy is about more than just staying happy. It's about more than just staying grateful. It's about more than just staying in a good mood. It's about more than just staying strong. In fact, it's about the wholeness of it. It's about staying strong but also staying soft. It's about staying happy but also allowing space for sadness when sadness comes up. It's about being okay but also being not okay and being willing to admit that to yourself. It's about admitting when you're scared. It's about admitting when you feel lost. It's about admitting that you don't know it all, you don't have it all together. So, after the episode went live on Tuesday of last week, after I went to the ar on Saturday, after we had the LFE episode with our kids, we watched every single item in our house after all of that messiness unfolded. Then on Wednesday night, we were in a dead sleep and were woken out of a dead sleep with tornado sirens, with tornado warnings. We had to race upstairs and get our kids. I mean, this is in some ways very routine for people who live in this part of the world. And if you're listening to this and you live in the Southeast, you probably did this run around too, or maybe so. I've talked to a few people who I'll ask, like, how are the tornado warnings for you here in Nashville, and people will say, ah, I slept right through them, which is wild to me. I mean, like it must be just kind of acclimating over time to having these sirens go off in the middle of the night. But for me, it was like turn my fight or flight response on, turn my nervous system on fire. Starting Wednesday night, we had severe weather, flood warnings, et cetera, et cetera happening all day Thursday. We got basically no sleep Wednesday night. So this is a big thing too that I want to kind of throw into the mix that when you get no sleep, then you don't have the strong foundation that you normally would have in order to stay grounded, stay present in your life, stay grateful, whatever, stay open. You don't have that strong foundation that you would normally have. So we were up all night Wednesday night. Our kids never went back to sleep after we were woken up at like two forty five, So we were up from two forty five all day Thursday. Our kids were like on a tear. They were running wild all over the house. They were stir crazy. We were stir crazy. It was such a wild day on Thursday they were out of school. Then Friday they were home with us again, more severe other you know, more questions about like if storms would be coming, if they wouldn't be coming. And what I realized is that staying present to your life when it's messy is about more than just staying happy. It's about more than just staying it is staying grounded, that's true, but it's staying grounded and present to what is there, not just to what you wish was there, not just to what you want to be there, not just to you know, I'm the strong one because I'm the parent, and I'm going to stay strong for my kids. There is some element of that, but it's also staying present to the fact that I'm also scared, staying present to the fact that I my nervous system is also dysregulated, staying present to the fact that I'm also not doing greater. I have these needs that need to be met or whatever, and the ability to do that is extremely tricky, especially when there are many different needs, many different preferences, many different people, all kind of crammed into one space. So I wanted to talk about this today because personally, this is the experience I had the last week. You know, in a week's time, we did an er visit, We did a lice event where we cleaned every item in our house, sanitize the kids' heads, every pillow, every piece of bedding, every levey, every stuffy everything in our whole house. Then we have back to back tornado warnings, severe weather on high alert, having trouble sleeping because I'm watching the weather experts trying to figure out, like, is this storm going to come near us? Are we going to have severe weather again overnight? So we're doing that all week and the ramp up of my nervous system into today. Today was the first time where I took my kids to their camp where they go. I dropped them off for the morning. I came home, I'm sitting in a quiet house. I'm getting ready to record this episode, and I was just thinking to myself, you know, part of staying in your life even when it's messy, is staying present to what we would consider negative emotions or bad emotions too. It's staying present to the fact that my nervous system is extremely activated. And if we want to have any kind of agency over shaping our story, we don't have total control over everything, but we do have a lot of agency to shape our story in the direction that we want it to go. If we want to tap into any of that agency, we have to become aware, very aware of what is here, what is present right now, what is true? What is real right this minute? And that can be a challenging question to answer because there's a lot of social conditioning, there's a lot of familial conditioning. There's a lot of self judgment, there's a lot of shame, there's a lot of stuff that goes on in our heads, voices that say I shouldn't feel this way. You know, I need to be the strong one because I'm the parent. You know, there's no time to like I got to record this podcast. I don't have time to be in a bad mood right now, or you know, have needs that need to be taken care of, like I gotta just get this done. They've got fourteen things on my to do list. I got to tick them off before I go pick up the kids. Again. It's easy to get into that mode instead of asking ourselves, Okay, what's what's here for me right now now? And this was the question that I had for myself this morning. And it's a question that I had for you as sort of a wellness check, like a check in how are you doing? How am I doing? Can you ask yourself that question, like how am I doing? Really? If I were able to be really honest with myself or really honest with some trusted person in my life, what would I say? I said to my husband this morning, like I'm okay, but I'm also not okay. I just need you to know, like, I'm not okay right now. It has been a wild, long week. I've not gotten enough sleep. Sleep throws everything else off. We've had all this crazy stuff happening with the weather, you know, and then on top of that, if you live in the US, you've also been watching things unfold on the political stage that can be really upsetting and unnerving. And you know, I've pretty much avoided the fray recently. I sent out an email this past week to my subscribers saying that I have been in like a hibernation state since about October when I lost my dad. I I have not been on social media. I haven't been checking in with the news. I don't really watch the news anyway. I get most of my news from social media. So I just haven't really been like up to date on what's going on. And you might have thoughts or judgments about that or whatever about baring your head in the proverbial sand, but I just have not been in touch or in tune with what's been going on. But when the severe weather was happening over the weekend, one of the ways that I stay in touch with the severe weather is through a Twitter account and an Instagram account called Nashville severe Weather. There's a group of guys who have come together to help keep people informed in the Nashville area around what's happening with you know, tornadoes and severe thunderstorms and other kind of weather events that happen here. And they are honestly so wonderful. Total side note, but like I saw someone describe them as the dads of Nashville, and I was like, that is the perfect, the perfect description, Like something about just hearing their voice on YouTube Live when there's a severe weather event going on is so calming and so well, you know, when the sirens go off, we'll go get our kids and take them to our storm shelter, and then I'll turn on YouTube live and just listen to these guys talk about where the storm is and what's happening, and you know, just helping you kind of like get a gauge for what the threat is for your area. And as long as they're calm, I'm calm. And then the minute that they were like, Okay, I have to go wake up my family now because the storm is in our area, then you know, at the minute that I see them panic, it's like all downhill for me from there. But the description of them as the dads of Nashville, I was like, that's absolutely it. It's like, as long as dad's good, I'm good. The minute I see Dad loose's mind, everything goes downhill from there. So anyway, all of that to say, I don't get on Twitter or x or whatever it's called now ever except for to go look at the Nashville spere Weather account. That's the only one reason and I'm not exaggerating it is the one reason that I still have that app on my phone, or that I still get on the app is to look at what's happening with Nashville spear Weather. And they have an Instagram account to but the Twitter account seems to be easier to read. For like a minute by minute updates when they're giving updates on weather stuff. So I will usually check in on Twitter and I'll check in on Instagram, which is I'm only saying that it's only important to the story to say that when I get on Twitter to look for Nashville severe weather, I'm also catching, you know, quick hooks from other people who have posted on Twitter. So if someone posts something on Twitter that's a really good hook, then I'm there looking for Nashville severe weather. But I might get sort of sidetracked or derailed looking at another tweet. And this happened a time or two over the course of the past week, and on Instagram too. I actually, by last night was just like, get my phone out of my hand, because I think I was overactivated already from everything that was happening. Scrolling on Instagram gives you those kind of happy serotonin dopamine chemicals, which can help you to feel more calm in the long run. It doesn't really keep you calm, but it does help you feel more calm in the moment. So I was finding myself just kind of scrolling the last couple days on Instagram and seeing things that I wouldn't have seen otherwise. So that was a long story to say that I've been seeing things on Twitter and on Instagram that I wouldn't have seen otherwise that are unfolding politically, that are happening in the world. And here's what's wild to me to think about. I don't know if you've considered this, but it's wild to me to think about that. If I wasn't on Twitter and Instagram, if I wasn't looking at what was happening with the stock market right now, with like decisions that Trump has made to drop a bomb or whatever else, if I wasn't looking at these things on Twitter and Instagram, I literally wouldn't even know that they're happening. My life would go on as usual. And I don't know what you make of this or what kind of story you make up about it, but it kind of sends my brain into like a little bit of a spiral, Like I'm just like, is it even real that it's happening? But then of course it is real because real people out there are really suffering. And so the question I ask myself is like, what is our responsibility to engage? So I'm asking these questions and starting this conversation I'm coming in kind of messy. I'm coming in without clear answers, but I do want to talk about a couple of things. I want to talk about. Number One, how part of staying present to your life when it's messy is staying present to all of it, every single part of it. And that's what I think this episode is really about, so sting present to the sadness, sting present to the fear, sting present to the loneliness, staying present to the confusion, sting present to the lostness, staying present to the feeling out of sortsness, staying present to not being okay, and also sting present to gratitude, and sting present to what's so beautiful about your life, and staying present to the goodness of it all, and sting present to the nourishment and the food and the friends and the moments of connection and those things that keep us afloat in times of distress. Staying present to the fullness of all of it. That's a big part of it. Another part about what I want to talk about is how do we stay grounded in times of distress. That's how I want to say that, because grounded doesn't mean happy, grounded means in touch, it means two feet on the ground. It means I'm in contact with what is real. And that's a big question what is real? That is sort of the third category of what I want to talk about is what is real? And how do we know what is real? Because this idea of you know, I get on Twitter, I get on Instagram, and it's like so easy to just freak out that the stock market is crashing, that you know we're going to war, like that the world is falling apart, that like innocent people are dying, that people are suffering all over the planet, and yes, like those things are true and they're happening, and I don't want to be a person who turns a blind eye to it or who buries my head in the sand necessarily. And also if I bring myself into the present moment, if I ground myself down into what is here right now, the truth of the matter is also I'm in a peaceful home. Nothing has changed in my environment. And please don't hear this the wrong way. I'm not trying to say like, well because I'm not suffering, because I do know that the suffering can I'm aware and I think this is why all of us are feeling a little tense, is that we're aware that the privilege that we've enjoyed of peace in our country for the last however long I've been here, is not destined to last. That we could just as easily be in physical distress as people in other parts of the world. It's just a reality that it could easily go that direction. So I'm not saying that just because you know I have peace in my neighborhood means I don't need to do anything. I'm asking the question, what does it look like to stay grounded, to stay engaged, and to stay in touch with what is real? How do we even know what is real? And how do we stay connected and stay in a place of contribution, because you know, burning out our nervous systems and running around like chickens with our heads cut off is really not helpful to the situation. And I noticed this over the weekend too. How my daughter, my daughter is almost five, she'll be five in July. She reacted very differently to the storms than my son did. I think part of it is temperament, part of it is age, part of it could be gender. I don't know, just their general makeup. I think a big piece of it is age that my daughter is much more aware of what's happening than Charlie is. And so Nella was really afraid. She was scared of the thunder, she was scared of the sirens. It was all extremely overwhelming for her. She's also a very highly sensitive kid, and I'm highly sensitive too, And I noticed that when Nella and I would get in that fear state, that I would try to calm her down, and it would almost make it worse, like we were almost like sort of egging each other on. The more I tried to calm her down, the more ramped up she got, The more ramped up she got, the more ramped up I got. The more I tried to calm her down, the more ramped up she got. So it's just a wild cycle all week of wanting to feel calm but not feeling calm. And this is a great example of staying present to what is here, what is right in front of you, what is true, what is real? You know, I've heard spiritual teachers say the fear is not real, and there is truth in that, and yet the fear is here, it's right, it's in my body, and that is what's true right now. One of the things that I've said to writers over the years too is as you explore your own inner world through the tool of writing, that you will discover truths that were too difficult to admit to yourself before. You might discover a truth like I'm afraid. And when you discover that truth, it is true right then, but it doesn't stay true. And that's the beauty of the tool of writing is that it allows you to come into touch with what is true right now, but it doesn't have to stay true. And through the tool of writing, you can evolve the truth into something new. So don't feel like, well, because I'm saying it's true that I'm overwhelmed right now or I'm scared, or my nervous system is out of alignment or you know, very activated or whatever, that doesn't mean that that's going to be true forever. That's what's true in the present moment, right now, and coming into touch with what's true right now actually gives it the power to change. It gives it the power to shift and evolve. Until I admit what's true, I have no leverage to change. This makes me think of an example that's slightly embarrassing to admit. When I was younger, when I was in my twenties, I started long distance running. I was living with a roommate at the time, who I don't know may or may not be listening to this, honestly. Her name is Rebecca, and we were really close friends. We lived together for a long time, and she had a very high powered job, and she was a very strong athlete, and I admire so admired so many things about her and really wanted to be like her. And she was a distance runner, and I was so impressed always with what she was able to do with her body. And so I started going on runs with her. And it was at first, you know, I had never really run more than like a mile or two, I don't think. So I started running with her, I started training with her. I started, you know, she would go to the track and do wind sprints, and she would teach me how to do these things, and then we would go on a four mile run and a five mile run, and even when she was like on her short run for the day, I just couldn't keep up with her. It was my longest run I'd ever done. And I still couldn't keep up with her. And over time, as I started training, I started to get a lot stronger and I was able to do more of the things that she was able to do. And sometimes I would go on a run and come home and she would ask me about my splits, or you know, how far did you go? And I would exaggerate what I had done. I would say, like, oh, you know, I did eight miles when really only did six and a half miles or something like that. Or I would say like I did eight minute splits when really I did like a little over nine minutes. Because I was embarrassed or I was trying to keep up with her, I was I don't know, I was just twenty something and dumb, and so I would exaggerate what I had done. But then what would happen is I would go on a run with her and I would have to come up with some kind of weird explanation for why I couldn't do the eight minute splits with her, Because, as far as she was concerned, I was doing these eight minute splits when I was without her, so why couldn't I do them when I was with her? And honestly, the whole time she was probably like, yeah, this girl's just not telling me the truth was. She probably saw right through it. But my point in this is if you can't admit where you are, then you don't have any leverage to improve. If I can't say to her, well, I'm doing nine minute splits, but I'd really like to do eight minute splits. Do you think you could help me improve my speed? You know, then she probably could have taught me something or helped me or told me something to, you know, help me improve those numbers. But because I wasn't being honest with myself or with her, there was no way to actually improve. There was nothing to improve on because the basis of what I was trying to build from was faulty or fake. And so the same is true for each of us. If we aren't admitting to ourselves, are admitting to the people around us what is actually real, what is actually true for us, then we have nowhere to go and nowhere to grow from. We have a faulty foundation that we're building on. And so I'm learning to fine tune this even more. I at forty one years old, I can't think of a reason that I would ever lie about how fast I went on a run. But maybe there are ways that because I'm trying to sort of keep up with other people or pretend I'm stronger than I am, that there are ways that I go, oh, no, no, no, I'm fine, I'm totally fine, no problem, when in reality I'm not doing great. In reality, I'm scared. In reality, I'm having a hard time too. In reality, I need support. And if I am unable to admit what's true, then I'm also unable to receive what I need. I'm also unable to grow, to build on a strong foundation of something that's valid because I'm building on I'm building on just air, like I'm building on a faulty foundation, something that just doesn't exist. And so I want us to ask ourselves this question, what is true? What is true for me today? And a writing prompts that I've used a lot before, and one that you could try is to just list out ten things that are true for me today. And the true things could be something as simple as it's a sunny day outside, so that you could just look out your window. There's birds chirpping out my window, and that could be one of the things that's true for you today. I'm making sour dough bread. I try to make sour dough bread once a week, and I fall behind at times, and I've been it's taken me three weeks to get to this loaf, and I've got a badge of sour dough bread that's rising currently in my kitchen. That's true for me today. It could also be like my nervous system is very activated this morning. It could be I'm so grateful for a moment of peace. It could be I'm feeling really sad. It could be I need some support. It could be I'm hungry. Whatever it is, Listing the things that are true for you will help to bring you into the present moment, to put two feet on the ground, to have a solid foundation that you can build on and grow from. It allows you to receive the things that you need to ask for, what you need to ask for, what really matters, to stay open all of it. We cannot contribute, we cannot grow, We cannot solve the problems that we're facing as a country, as a community, as a global community. We cannot solve any of these problems unless we're willing to admit the truth to ourselves. And I think that there are a lot of people right now. You know, when we talk about this phrase, the metaphor of burying your head in the sand, there are plenty of people who are staying very plugged into the news who still have their heads buried in the sand about what's going on. And I just want to challenge you that nobody else can evaluate this for you. Like if my roommate at the time that I was lying to her about my splits, if she had confronted me, I don't know, you know, I don't know what I would have said. But if she was like, hey, I noticed that you're saying you're running eight minute splits, but then every time I run with you, you're unable to run eight minute splits, So what's the deal there? You know, that confrontation maybe would have forced me to make peace with my own truth. But my point is is that I'm the one who has to make peace with the truth. I'm the only one who can evaluate and look at myself and go, oh, I haven't really been telling myself the truth here, And if I'm unable to tell myself the truth, I'm really unable to move forward and to build on anything. So we only can evaluate for ourselves if we're actually telling ourselves the truth. And one thing a therapist told me once that has really stuck with me and will stick with me for a long long time is she said, make sure that you're looking at this situation from all the angles. Make sure you're walking all the way around a thing before you decide that you figured it out. Because sometimes we look at something from our one vantage point and we go, oh, yeah, I got it, I know everything that's going on. I've got this all figured out, but we haven't stepped to the other side of the circle to see it from sis someone else's perspective. And we can always expand our vantage point by looking from someone else's perspective, but it has to start with us. It has to start with coming in to the present moment, with getting grounded, with asking what's true for me today? What are ten things that are true for me right now in this moment. And once we can do that, then we can broaden our vantage point and start looking from other perspectives and we can see a fuller picture. And the fuller the picture that we can see, the more information that we have to work with as we begin to heal and grow and move forward and try to come up with, you know, constructive solutions to the problems that we're all facing collectively. And the truth of the matter is, I don't know how to adequately and accurately assess the problems that we're facing as a country and the global problems that we're facing. I don't know the solutions to those problems. I don't pretend to know. I have my opinions that I am happy to express when asked. I know that my opinions are not shared by every single person who's out there, as evidence by the fact that Trump is even in office, because that is not a candidate that I voted for, and I always thought Trump was a disaster waiting to happen. And I'm okay to be in disagreement with someone else who feels differently about this situation. I'm also okay to try to see through their lens and try to understand the vantage point that they're looking from. My point in all of this is I don't know the answers to the big problems. But I know that the place that we start is to come into alignment with what is true for me right now, and then to begin to connect with others from that place. I know that coming from a place of fear, running around like chickens with their heads cut off, thinking that we've got to go immediately solve all of these massive problems, you know, without without coming into balance with ourselves, is only going to create more chaos, only going to create more fear. Only just like my daughter and I and that endless cycle, it's just like, call down, quick, calm down, because you're making me feel stressed out. And she can feel that energy, you know, she can feel that there's not an allowance for her to be where she is. She's in her little four year old body like I'm only four, dude. There's a freaking siren going off, no wonder, I'm stressed out and just needed her mom to let her be stressed out. You know. So what am I saying. I'm saying a lot of different things. As I said at the beginning of this episode, there were so many things I wanted to say. I didn't feel like I could whittle it down to one thing. But the one thing I want to make sure that you get is that coming into presence with your life in the midst of a mess doesn't mean that you have it all together. The opposite. This is the it's the opposite of what I was trying to say. Coming into presence with your life in the midst of a mess means I'm present with whatever is here. I'm present with the chaos. I'm present with the fear. I'm present with the sense of loss. I'm present with the grief. I'm present with the sadness. I'm present with the not okayness. It's okay to be okay. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to feel out of sorts. It's okay to be out of whack. It's okay, it's okay. It's okay. You're allowed. You're allowed. You're allowed, You're allowed. And maybe if each of us individually can allow ourselves to be exactly where we are and to not feel like we have to have the answers to all of these massive problems, and we can bring our nervous systems back to a baseline level, maybe we'll be ready to collectively come together, to listen, to love, to share, to make a contribution, to begin to carefully solve these problems that we're facing. It can feel daunting, it can feel overwhelming, but a great place to start would be with the writing prompt ten things that are true for me today. Make your list, give yourself a big hug, take good care of yourself, and I will see you back here next week on the Write Your Story podcast

Pick up the pieces of your life, put them back together with the words you write. All the beauty and peace and the magic that you'll start too fun When you write your story, you get the words and said, don't you think it's down to let them out and write them down and cold. It's all about and write your story, Rite, write your story. Hello, and welcome back to the Write Your Story Podcast. I'm Ali Fallon. I'm your host on today's episode. There's so many things I want to talk about, I'm gonna have to whittle it down to just one. So I think I'll start with what feels most pressing to me. Given what's unfolding in front of all of us, or at least many of us at this time if you live in the United States, there's a lot that's happening on the political stage, most of which I feel like I've been avoiding the fray. I've had my head a bit buried in the sand, as they say, I've not been on social media. I've been checking the news much. I don't watch like the news news. Most of how I get my news is on social media. And yet because of the way things have unfolded them last week, and I'll get to that in just a second. I feel like I'm a little bit more tuned in to what's been happening than I often am, and I wonder if the same might be true for you. As I was thinking about recording this episode, I was actually thinking about you and thinking like I need to do like a wellness check. I need to just like check in and be like, hey, let's check in with ourselves and ask like, how are we doing? How am I doing? Because I was getting my kids loaded up to drop them off at their camp today. We were out last week for severe weather a couple of times, and it was a chaotic week, and I'll get to that in just a second again. But as I was loading them up this morning, I was just like, man, I I'm okay, but I'm not okay. I don't know if that resonates with anyone who's listening, but I'm okay. I'm going to be okay. I'm going to get myself feeling grounded again. But this morning, as I was getting them loaded up, I was just like, I am really not okay. I need to get these kids to somewhere where they're going to have a good time and they're safe and they're covered, and I need to come home and I need to do some things to take care of myself. So that's really what I want to talk about today, because last week I talked about how I was practicing staying grounded and staying present in my life even during times of messiness or chaos or stress. And I talked about how I got stun by b and had to go to the emergency room and how I found out my kids had lice and it felt like everything kind of exploded and unfolded all at once, and I was practicing this practice of staying in my life, staying alive to my life, staying present to what is good about my life even when things are messy, even when I don't have control, because hey, spoiler alert, we do not have control over every little detail in our lives. We can't always have things perfectly organized, and sort of letting the perfectionist that lives inside of me unravel and unroll and giving permission for the truest part of me to live and to realize, like, hey, this is your life, even when things are not perfectly organized. This is your life, and there's so much goodness to it. Can you soak it? All in. Can you receive what your life is trying to offer you even when it isn't delivered in this perfectly wrapped up little package like you want it to be sometimes And that's what I was practicing. And I even made the comment in last week's episode about how oftentimes when I decide here's something I'm going to practice in my life, my life throws me all these opportunities to practice it. It's like, hey, here's an opportunity to practice this thing that this habit that you want to implement, or this you know, this muscle that you want to exercise or strengthen, Here's an opportunity to get even better at that thing that you want to do. And life has not disappointed. It has thrown many opportunities my way this week for me to practice staying present in my life even when things are very chaotic. And one of the things that has come up for me that I want to talk about today is how staying present for your life when things are messy is about more than just staying happy. It's about more than just staying grateful. It's about more than just staying in a good mood. It's about more than just staying strong. In fact, it's about the wholeness of it. It's about staying strong but also staying soft. It's about staying happy but also allowing space for sadness when sadness comes up. It's about being okay but also being not okay and being willing to admit that to yourself. It's about admitting when you're scared. It's about admitting when you feel lost. It's about admitting that you don't know it all, you don't have it all together. So, after the episode went live on Tuesday of last week, after I went to the ar on Saturday, after we had the LFE episode with our kids, we watched every single item in our house after all of that messiness unfolded. Then on Wednesday night, we were in a dead sleep and were woken out of a dead sleep with tornado sirens, with tornado warnings. We had to race upstairs and get our kids. I mean, this is in some ways very routine for people who live in this part of the world. And if you're listening to this and you live in the Southeast, you probably did this run around too, or maybe so. I've talked to a few people who I'll ask, like, how are the tornado warnings for you here in Nashville, and people will say, ah, I slept right through them, which is wild to me. I mean, like it must be just kind of acclimating over time to having these sirens go off in the middle of the night. But for me, it was like turn my fight or flight response on, turn my nervous system on fire. Starting Wednesday night, we had severe weather, flood warnings, et cetera, et cetera happening all day Thursday. We got basically no sleep Wednesday night. So this is a big thing too that I want to kind of throw into the mix that when you get no sleep, then you don't have the strong foundation that you normally would have in order to stay grounded, stay present in your life, stay grateful, whatever, stay open. You don't have that strong foundation that you would normally have. So we were up all night Wednesday night. Our kids never went back to sleep after we were woken up at like two forty five, So we were up from two forty five all day Thursday. Our kids were like on a tear. They were running wild all over the house. They were stir crazy. We were stir crazy. It was such a wild day on Thursday they were out of school. Then Friday they were home with us again, more severe other you know, more questions about like if storms would be coming, if they wouldn't be coming. And what I realized is that staying present to your life when it's messy is about more than just staying happy. It's about more than just staying it is staying grounded, that's true, but it's staying grounded and present to what is there, not just to what you wish was there, not just to what you want to be there, not just to you know, I'm the strong one because I'm the parent, and I'm going to stay strong for my kids. There is some element of that, but it's also staying present to the fact that I'm also scared, staying present to the fact that I my nervous system is also dysregulated, staying present to the fact that I'm also not doing greater. I have these needs that need to be met or whatever, and the ability to do that is extremely tricky, especially when there are many different needs, many different preferences, many different people, all kind of crammed into one space. So I wanted to talk about this today because personally, this is the experience I had the last week. You know, in a week's time, we did an er visit, We did a lice event where we cleaned every item in our house, sanitize the kids' heads, every pillow, every piece of bedding, every levey, every stuffy everything in our whole house. Then we have back to back tornado warnings, severe weather on high alert, having trouble sleeping because I'm watching the weather experts trying to figure out, like, is this storm going to come near us? Are we going to have severe weather again overnight? So we're doing that all week and the ramp up of my nervous system into today. Today was the first time where I took my kids to their camp where they go. I dropped them off for the morning. I came home, I'm sitting in a quiet house. I'm getting ready to record this episode, and I was just thinking to myself, you know, part of staying in your life even when it's messy, is staying present to what we would consider negative emotions or bad emotions too. It's staying present to the fact that my nervous system is extremely activated. And if we want to have any kind of agency over shaping our story, we don't have total control over everything, but we do have a lot of agency to shape our story in the direction that we want it to go. If we want to tap into any of that agency, we have to become aware, very aware of what is here, what is present right now, what is true? What is real right this minute? And that can be a challenging question to answer because there's a lot of social conditioning, there's a lot of familial conditioning. There's a lot of self judgment, there's a lot of shame, there's a lot of stuff that goes on in our heads, voices that say I shouldn't feel this way. You know, I need to be the strong one because I'm the parent. You know, there's no time to like I got to record this podcast. I don't have time to be in a bad mood right now, or you know, have needs that need to be taken care of, like I gotta just get this done. They've got fourteen things on my to do list. I got to tick them off before I go pick up the kids. Again. It's easy to get into that mode instead of asking ourselves, Okay, what's what's here for me right now now? And this was the question that I had for myself this morning. And it's a question that I had for you as sort of a wellness check, like a check in how are you doing? How am I doing? Can you ask yourself that question, like how am I doing? Really? If I were able to be really honest with myself or really honest with some trusted person in my life, what would I say? I said to my husband this morning, like I'm okay, but I'm also not okay. I just need you to know, like, I'm not okay right now. It has been a wild, long week. I've not gotten enough sleep. Sleep throws everything else off. We've had all this crazy stuff happening with the weather, you know, and then on top of that, if you live in the US, you've also been watching things unfold on the political stage that can be really upsetting and unnerving. And you know, I've pretty much avoided the fray recently. I sent out an email this past week to my subscribers saying that I have been in like a hibernation state since about October when I lost my dad. I I have not been on social media. I haven't been checking in with the news. I don't really watch the news anyway. I get most of my news from social media. So I just haven't really been like up to date on what's going on. And you might have thoughts or judgments about that or whatever about baring your head in the proverbial sand, but I just have not been in touch or in tune with what's been going on. But when the severe weather was happening over the weekend, one of the ways that I stay in touch with the severe weather is through a Twitter account and an Instagram account called Nashville severe Weather. There's a group of guys who have come together to help keep people informed in the Nashville area around what's happening with you know, tornadoes and severe thunderstorms and other kind of weather events that happen here. And they are honestly so wonderful. Total side note, but like I saw someone describe them as the dads of Nashville, and I was like, that is the perfect, the perfect description, Like something about just hearing their voice on YouTube Live when there's a severe weather event going on is so calming and so well, you know, when the sirens go off, we'll go get our kids and take them to our storm shelter, and then I'll turn on YouTube live and just listen to these guys talk about where the storm is and what's happening, and you know, just helping you kind of like get a gauge for what the threat is for your area. And as long as they're calm, I'm calm. And then the minute that they were like, Okay, I have to go wake up my family now because the storm is in our area, then you know, at the minute that I see them panic, it's like all downhill for me from there. But the description of them as the dads of Nashville, I was like, that's absolutely it. It's like, as long as dad's good, I'm good. The minute I see Dad loose's mind, everything goes downhill from there. So anyway, all of that to say, I don't get on Twitter or x or whatever it's called now ever except for to go look at the Nashville spere Weather account. That's the only one reason and I'm not exaggerating it is the one reason that I still have that app on my phone, or that I still get on the app is to look at what's happening with Nashville spear Weather. And they have an Instagram account to but the Twitter account seems to be easier to read. For like a minute by minute updates when they're giving updates on weather stuff. So I will usually check in on Twitter and I'll check in on Instagram, which is I'm only saying that it's only important to the story to say that when I get on Twitter to look for Nashville severe weather, I'm also catching, you know, quick hooks from other people who have posted on Twitter. So if someone posts something on Twitter that's a really good hook, then I'm there looking for Nashville severe weather. But I might get sort of sidetracked or derailed looking at another tweet. And this happened a time or two over the course of the past week, and on Instagram too. I actually, by last night was just like, get my phone out of my hand, because I think I was overactivated already from everything that was happening. Scrolling on Instagram gives you those kind of happy serotonin dopamine chemicals, which can help you to feel more calm in the long run. It doesn't really keep you calm, but it does help you feel more calm in the moment. So I was finding myself just kind of scrolling the last couple days on Instagram and seeing things that I wouldn't have seen otherwise. So that was a long story to say that I've been seeing things on Twitter and on Instagram that I wouldn't have seen otherwise that are unfolding politically, that are happening in the world. And here's what's wild to me to think about. I don't know if you've considered this, but it's wild to me to think about that. If I wasn't on Twitter and Instagram, if I wasn't looking at what was happening with the stock market right now, with like decisions that Trump has made to drop a bomb or whatever else, if I wasn't looking at these things on Twitter and Instagram, I literally wouldn't even know that they're happening. My life would go on as usual. And I don't know what you make of this or what kind of story you make up about it, but it kind of sends my brain into like a little bit of a spiral, Like I'm just like, is it even real that it's happening? But then of course it is real because real people out there are really suffering. And so the question I ask myself is like, what is our responsibility to engage? So I'm asking these questions and starting this conversation I'm coming in kind of messy. I'm coming in without clear answers, but I do want to talk about a couple of things. I want to talk about. Number One, how part of staying present to your life when it's messy is staying present to all of it, every single part of it. And that's what I think this episode is really about, so sting present to the sadness, sting present to the fear, sting present to the loneliness, staying present to the confusion, sting present to the lostness, staying present to the feeling out of sortsness, staying present to not being okay, and also sting present to gratitude, and sting present to what's so beautiful about your life, and staying present to the goodness of it all, and sting present to the nourishment and the food and the friends and the moments of connection and those things that keep us afloat in times of distress. Staying present to the fullness of all of it. That's a big part of it. Another part about what I want to talk about is how do we stay grounded in times of distress. That's how I want to say that, because grounded doesn't mean happy, grounded means in touch, it means two feet on the ground. It means I'm in contact with what is real. And that's a big question what is real? That is sort of the third category of what I want to talk about is what is real? And how do we know what is real? Because this idea of you know, I get on Twitter, I get on Instagram, and it's like so easy to just freak out that the stock market is crashing, that you know we're going to war, like that the world is falling apart, that like innocent people are dying, that people are suffering all over the planet, and yes, like those things are true and they're happening, and I don't want to be a person who turns a blind eye to it or who buries my head in the sand necessarily. And also if I bring myself into the present moment, if I ground myself down into what is here right now, the truth of the matter is also I'm in a peaceful home. Nothing has changed in my environment. And please don't hear this the wrong way. I'm not trying to say like, well because I'm not suffering, because I do know that the suffering can I'm aware and I think this is why all of us are feeling a little tense, is that we're aware that the privilege that we've enjoyed of peace in our country for the last however long I've been here, is not destined to last. That we could just as easily be in physical distress as people in other parts of the world. It's just a reality that it could easily go that direction. So I'm not saying that just because you know I have peace in my neighborhood means I don't need to do anything. I'm asking the question, what does it look like to stay grounded, to stay engaged, and to stay in touch with what is real? How do we even know what is real? And how do we stay connected and stay in a place of contribution, because you know, burning out our nervous systems and running around like chickens with our heads cut off is really not helpful to the situation. And I noticed this over the weekend too. How my daughter, my daughter is almost five, she'll be five in July. She reacted very differently to the storms than my son did. I think part of it is temperament, part of it is age, part of it could be gender. I don't know, just their general makeup. I think a big piece of it is age that my daughter is much more aware of what's happening than Charlie is. And so Nella was really afraid. She was scared of the thunder, she was scared of the sirens. It was all extremely overwhelming for her. She's also a very highly sensitive kid, and I'm highly sensitive too, And I noticed that when Nella and I would get in that fear state, that I would try to calm her down, and it would almost make it worse, like we were almost like sort of egging each other on. The more I tried to calm her down, the more ramped up she got, The more ramped up she got, the more ramped up I got. The more I tried to calm her down, the more ramped up she got. So it's just a wild cycle all week of wanting to feel calm but not feeling calm. And this is a great example of staying present to what is here, what is right in front of you, what is true, what is real? You know, I've heard spiritual teachers say the fear is not real, and there is truth in that, and yet the fear is here, it's right, it's in my body, and that is what's true right now. One of the things that I've said to writers over the years too is as you explore your own inner world through the tool of writing, that you will discover truths that were too difficult to admit to yourself before. You might discover a truth like I'm afraid. And when you discover that truth, it is true right then, but it doesn't stay true. And that's the beauty of the tool of writing is that it allows you to come into touch with what is true right now, but it doesn't have to stay true. And through the tool of writing, you can evolve the truth into something new. So don't feel like, well, because I'm saying it's true that I'm overwhelmed right now or I'm scared, or my nervous system is out of alignment or you know, very activated or whatever, that doesn't mean that that's going to be true forever. That's what's true in the present moment, right now, and coming into touch with what's true right now actually gives it the power to change. It gives it the power to shift and evolve. Until I admit what's true, I have no leverage to change. This makes me think of an example that's slightly embarrassing to admit. When I was younger, when I was in my twenties, I started long distance running. I was living with a roommate at the time, who I don't know may or may not be listening to this, honestly. Her name is Rebecca, and we were really close friends. We lived together for a long time, and she had a very high powered job, and she was a very strong athlete, and I admire so admired so many things about her and really wanted to be like her. And she was a distance runner, and I was so impressed always with what she was able to do with her body. And so I started going on runs with her. And it was at first, you know, I had never really run more than like a mile or two, I don't think. So I started running with her, I started training with her. I started, you know, she would go to the track and do wind sprints, and she would teach me how to do these things, and then we would go on a four mile run and a five mile run, and even when she was like on her short run for the day, I just couldn't keep up with her. It was my longest run I'd ever done. And I still couldn't keep up with her. And over time, as I started training, I started to get a lot stronger and I was able to do more of the things that she was able to do. And sometimes I would go on a run and come home and she would ask me about my splits, or you know, how far did you go? And I would exaggerate what I had done. I would say, like, oh, you know, I did eight miles when really only did six and a half miles or something like that. Or I would say like I did eight minute splits when really I did like a little over nine minutes. Because I was embarrassed or I was trying to keep up with her, I was I don't know, I was just twenty something and dumb, and so I would exaggerate what I had done. But then what would happen is I would go on a run with her and I would have to come up with some kind of weird explanation for why I couldn't do the eight minute splits with her, Because, as far as she was concerned, I was doing these eight minute splits when I was without her, so why couldn't I do them when I was with her? And honestly, the whole time she was probably like, yeah, this girl's just not telling me the truth was. She probably saw right through it. But my point in this is if you can't admit where you are, then you don't have any leverage to improve. If I can't say to her, well, I'm doing nine minute splits, but I'd really like to do eight minute splits. Do you think you could help me improve my speed? You know, then she probably could have taught me something or helped me or told me something to, you know, help me improve those numbers. But because I wasn't being honest with myself or with her, there was no way to actually improve. There was nothing to improve on because the basis of what I was trying to build from was faulty or fake. And so the same is true for each of us. If we aren't admitting to ourselves, are admitting to the people around us what is actually real, what is actually true for us, then we have nowhere to go and nowhere to grow from. We have a faulty foundation that we're building on. And so I'm learning to fine tune this even more. I at forty one years old, I can't think of a reason that I would ever lie about how fast I went on a run. But maybe there are ways that because I'm trying to sort of keep up with other people or pretend I'm stronger than I am, that there are ways that I go, oh, no, no, no, I'm fine, I'm totally fine, no problem, when in reality I'm not doing great. In reality, I'm scared. In reality, I'm having a hard time too. In reality, I need support. And if I am unable to admit what's true, then I'm also unable to receive what I need. I'm also unable to grow, to build on a strong foundation of something that's valid because I'm building on I'm building on just air, like I'm building on a faulty foundation, something that just doesn't exist. And so I want us to ask ourselves this question, what is true? What is true for me today? And a writing prompts that I've used a lot before, and one that you could try is to just list out ten things that are true for me today. And the true things could be something as simple as it's a sunny day outside, so that you could just look out your window. There's birds chirpping out my window, and that could be one of the things that's true for you today. I'm making sour dough bread. I try to make sour dough bread once a week, and I fall behind at times, and I've been it's taken me three weeks to get to this loaf, and I've got a badge of sour dough bread that's rising currently in my kitchen. That's true for me today. It could also be like my nervous system is very activated this morning. It could be I'm so grateful for a moment of peace. It could be I'm feeling really sad. It could be I need some support. It could be I'm hungry. Whatever it is, Listing the things that are true for you will help to bring you into the present moment, to put two feet on the ground, to have a solid foundation that you can build on and grow from. It allows you to receive the things that you need to ask for, what you need to ask for, what really matters, to stay open all of it. We cannot contribute, we cannot grow, We cannot solve the problems that we're facing as a country, as a community, as a global community. We cannot solve any of these problems unless we're willing to admit the truth to ourselves. And I think that there are a lot of people right now. You know, when we talk about this phrase, the metaphor of burying your head in the sand, there are plenty of people who are staying very plugged into the news who still have their heads buried in the sand about what's going on. And I just want to challenge you that nobody else can evaluate this for you. Like if my roommate at the time that I was lying to her about my splits, if she had confronted me, I don't know, you know, I don't know what I would have said. But if she was like, hey, I noticed that you're saying you're running eight minute splits, but then every time I run with you, you're unable to run eight minute splits, So what's the deal there? You know, that confrontation maybe would have forced me to make peace with my own truth. But my point is is that I'm the one who has to make peace with the truth. I'm the only one who can evaluate and look at myself and go, oh, I haven't really been telling myself the truth here, And if I'm unable to tell myself the truth, I'm really unable to move forward and to build on anything. So we only can evaluate for ourselves if we're actually telling ourselves the truth. And one thing a therapist told me once that has really stuck with me and will stick with me for a long long time is she said, make sure that you're looking at this situation from all the angles. Make sure you're walking all the way around a thing before you decide that you figured it out. Because sometimes we look at something from our one vantage point and we go, oh, yeah, I got it, I know everything that's going on. I've got this all figured out, but we haven't stepped to the other side of the circle to see it from sis someone else's perspective. And we can always expand our vantage point by looking from someone else's perspective, but it has to start with us. It has to start with coming in to the present moment, with getting grounded, with asking what's true for me today? What are ten things that are true for me right now in this moment. And once we can do that, then we can broaden our vantage point and start looking from other perspectives and we can see a fuller picture. And the fuller the picture that we can see, the more information that we have to work with as we begin to heal and grow and move forward and try to come up with, you know, constructive solutions to the problems that we're all facing collectively. And the truth of the matter is, I don't know how to adequately and accurately assess the problems that we're facing as a country and the global problems that we're facing. I don't know the solutions to those problems. I don't pretend to know. I have my opinions that I am happy to express when asked. I know that my opinions are not shared by every single person who's out there, as evidence by the fact that Trump is even in office, because that is not a candidate that I voted for, and I always thought Trump was a disaster waiting to happen. And I'm okay to be in disagreement with someone else who feels differently about this situation. I'm also okay to try to see through their lens and try to understand the vantage point that they're looking from. My point in all of this is I don't know the answers to the big problems. But I know that the place that we start is to come into alignment with what is true for me right now, and then to begin to connect with others from that place. I know that coming from a place of fear, running around like chickens with their heads cut off, thinking that we've got to go immediately solve all of these massive problems, you know, without without coming into balance with ourselves, is only going to create more chaos, only going to create more fear. Only just like my daughter and I and that endless cycle, it's just like, call down, quick, calm down, because you're making me feel stressed out. And she can feel that energy, you know, she can feel that there's not an allowance for her to be where she is. She's in her little four year old body like I'm only four, dude. There's a freaking siren going off, no wonder, I'm stressed out and just needed her mom to let her be stressed out. You know. So what am I saying. I'm saying a lot of different things. As I said at the beginning of this episode, there were so many things I wanted to say. I didn't feel like I could whittle it down to one thing. But the one thing I want to make sure that you get is that coming into presence with your life in the midst of a mess doesn't mean that you have it all together. The opposite. This is the it's the opposite of what I was trying to say. Coming into presence with your life in the midst of a mess means I'm present with whatever is here. I'm present with the chaos. I'm present with the fear. I'm present with the sense of loss. I'm present with the grief. I'm present with the sadness. I'm present with the not okayness. It's okay to be okay. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to feel out of sorts. It's okay to be out of whack. It's okay, it's okay. It's okay. You're allowed. You're allowed. You're allowed, You're allowed. And maybe if each of us individually can allow ourselves to be exactly where we are and to not feel like we have to have the answers to all of these massive problems, and we can bring our nervous systems back to a baseline level, maybe we'll be ready to collectively come together, to listen, to love, to share, to make a contribution, to begin to carefully solve these problems that we're facing. It can feel daunting, it can feel overwhelming, but a great place to start would be with the writing prompt ten things that are true for me today. Make your list, give yourself a big hug, take good care of yourself, and I will see you back here next week on the Write Your Story podcast