Whine About It: Mental Detox

Published Mar 3, 2023, 12:00 AM

Jana learns the power of treating your mind like a garden from psychologist Dr. Cheyenne Bryant.
 
We learn why New Year’s resolutions fail so frequently and what YOU can do to make effective changes in your life, no matter what season you’re in!
 
And, Jana reveals how she dealt with the anger she felt following her divorce.

Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast. So excited for this week's episode. We have doctor Cheyenne Bryant coming on. She's a renowned life coach with a master's degree in marriage, family and child therapy. She's a psychology expert and a Team Mom life coach. She's on the show Teen Mom Family Reunion, which is on every Tuesday. How are you. I'm doing good. Yeah for asking, I'm doing really good. I had a really good morning. I've had a few breakthroughs and that always always cathartic for me. What's the best breakthrough that you get to witness? Oh gosh, it's well, so many different ones. It's more of when I see their resistance, dissipate, demise, or I'm breaking through the resistance of an awareness that was stopping them from getting where they are to where they want to be. That means that now it's green light for them to run all the plays necessary to reach that goal, whatever that goal is. Because resistance is something that keeps it's the only thing that keeps us from where we want to be. When I say where we want to be, it's not always a physical transition of location. It could be emotional or it can be demising of disordered thinking, it can be just a peace of mind, right, whatever that looks like. It's the resistance that is allowing you to be in your own way. So when I see my clients get out of their own way and get past their own resistance, for me, I'm going, oh my god, because that's where the magic happens. Right, So, manifestation happens at the point of agreement, and you can't have agreement if you have resistance like that, So then you're not manifesting anything because you're not in agreement with yourself. There's resistance, and then you're always feeling this internal struggle. You're feeling in the gray and you feel stuck. And as we all know, there's no worse feeling than being stuck and seeking the answer. But they can't coosis, right, So stuck is the problem and the problem the answer cannot coexist. There are two different spaces and you have to choose which one you want to be in. Well, all of us are choosing answer, sure, but we're disconnected. If we're choosing and seeking answer and we're stuck in what problem? Mindset, problem, behavior, problem thoughts? You can't get here from here? Do you also think too, there's a piece of acceptance like you have to have. Like for me, a lot of the struggles that I've gone through, it's when I accepted what happened or where I'm at, that's when I can have the action. I guess right, So acceptance, but before actions you have to have acception, acceptance, accepting. So yeah, so the the should I say, the process if we have to go into you know steps, it goes the awareness, right, Oh, I have a problem, Sunday's not right right? Identifying that acceptance which is what you said, huge huge step into what the resolution acceptance, which is surrendering. I accept this is what it is. I surrender to it. Doesn't mean I'm okay with staying here. What the reality is? You know, I'm I'm a thirty two year old woman divorced and I don't want to start over. But that's any reality of it. I accept it, I surrender to it. And then once acceptance and surrendering takes place, guess what you have now got your power back? Yeah? I think that's a huge PC. You mentioned the divorce too, and we talked about this on my Monday podcast, where when I divorce. There was so much anger, and it's almost like when I accepted the reality that I didn't want, then I was able that anger. Sure, I mean underneath it was all sadness, right, but I was able to have a new light and just go. I can't do anything about what happened, or how much I had to pay or whatever it was. I have to just now. It's I have to make a choice. I mean, they're going to just stay angry or Okay, this is what it is now, and let's try and find some light somewhere else. That's the power of acceptance. Yeah, I surrendering is exactly what you said. This is where I'm at. I have to visually see the optics of it. I can't have a disconnect between perception and reality. However, accepting your reality is accepting what you see. I want people to be clear on this. It's accepting what you see. It's not accepting what it is. I want to say it one more time. Acceptance and surrendering is accepting and surrendering to what you see, not what it is. We are not here to be a victim to our reality. We are here to create our reality. And you can't create your reality by allowing what you see to become what your reality is. It's just so hard though, and I remember it's it's it's a it's tricky because when I get DMS and people will say I just feel like I'm just still like it's I just it's so hard. And it's like that first year post divorce is the most sticky situation with all the feelings, and then you feel stuck and you feel sad and you feel angry, and it's like will I ever see the light again? Will I ever? Like? Will I ever accept this? And and I have such a hard time when people ask like how I got through it, It's like it's you just don't. I don't even have the right answer, like you obviously will have the sir, but it's you know, there's things that I did to kind of get on the other side. But again, I think it all goes back to the acceptance. But some people are like, well, how do I accept it? Like how do I do that? Yeah? And I love that question because I always say, you know, and I know all experts are giving their best and they have the best intent for the information they're putting out. But I get very frustrated. You know now that I'm an expert, and before I even when I wasn't. When I hear people tell me these tools and these tips of what to do, and I'm going, but how do I take the hammer? You're telling me to you to build a house? I don't know how to build a house, so you wouldn't you got a hammer? What do I do with this stuff? Right right? I'm here and just look at it. I don't know what to do, and so I love that question of how do you do it? It is exactly not just looking at the optics of your reality and saying I accept it, but setting what's self and taking a how do I feel inventory and accepting how you feel. I feel like a failure. Okay, okay, let me identify it. Okay, got it. I feel completely heartbroken. Identify with that. I feel lost. My whole world is shattered. Oh yeah, my heart is broken that too. And I don't feel like having to freaking start my whole world over again. That too. I have no interest in dating because I'm trying exhausted that too. So all of that stuff which is your stuff, the way that you start to dissipate it, the emotions you don't want to feel is not to suppress them, right, And it's not to resist them because as you know, what we resist persist. As we suppress, that thing fights to come up more. Not to bug you because it wants to externalize you from internalizing it, because suppression breeds depression, and internalizing does nothing but bubble up and you feel worse because it's trying to come out. So he said, this is how I fail, and it's best to write down to how I feel inventory and then start to map out, Okay, well, how do I want to feel if I don't like the way I feel? And as you write down the other side of the paper, how I want to feel goes back to what I said, how I feel problem problem, problem I don't like. It doesn't serve me because I've called off a wedding and engagement. And I totally totally empathize with you on feeling just all these mixed emotions and some days you're good and some days you're absolutely spiraling. Okay, And then on the right side of the paper, we're going to write the solution narrative, right, and you can't be in both. So the days that you are in the problem narrative, which is how you feel that you don't want to feel. Go to your solution narrative and say what emotion? Can I generate? What emotion? Can I pull up right now? Can I read a book to get that emotion? Can I go for a walk? Can I read? Can I go have a glass of wine with my girlfriend? Can I lay pull side? I don't know if I can. I sit for thirty minutes and meditate to get into the resolution, right space energy, and you start to swap out as you get into the the the solution narrative. Guess what happens. You naturally start to emotionally regulate which you don't want to feel, right, And that's the that's how you positively manipulate your emotions. Right. Yeah, I like that a lot. I feel like I'm hoping that this is well. I actually I don't want everyone feeling this either. But the start of a year for me is tough workwise, because I feel like I'm i'm I feel like I'm on a bike and it's not going anywhere, Like literally, it's I'm on my stationary freebeat bike like it's I'm I am hustling so bad and it's just staying put and because it's like I don't know when this is going to go or when that's going to go. And then when stuff is stagnant and not progressing, I start to go, well, then what's my purpose? What am i? Am I really doing the right thing? And I don't know. I just like I don't know if that's something that happens just in the beginning of a year with work and you're questioning things, or if that's just maybe the season that I'm in. I feel like sometimes I do that, like every eight months, I kind of question like, oh God, what am I doing? Or what's my purpose? Or is this all for something? And and but right now it's like, you know, heading towards March, it's like trying to shift the energy to go just keep going when it's just like you're just tired from staying stuck in staying stationary. Yeah. I love that too, because I always say a couple of things about that we have to learn our seasons. My season not your season, nor don't want it to be. This is why I don't like New Year's resolutions. I support them. If I have any clients that want to do am I support them. I'll draw it al for them and help them. I'm not a fan of it because January, if that's not my season, then I'm planning seeds and if they don't harvest, then I become doubtful and disempowered right and discourage. What have made June July is my season. That's when my harvest comes. And so I have to learn when is my season? One two, I have to learn what do I plant? What seed do I plant? And in what soil do I plant it in? To maximize my harvest? What season am I planning it in to maximize my harvest? Am I planning it with to maximize my harvest? There's a lot of moving parts that take place for the sake of measuring when is your season? How do you get the most maximum result of what season or what your harvest will look like? And then the other thing is there are some seasons where stillness is part of your planting and so on purpose in stillness and so like, for you, if jan fab is this really still feeling of you described it as being stagnant, Well, what if January February isn't your action action action season? What if that's your meditative season? What if that is your stillness season. What if that is your recharge season? Right? What if that season is for you to figure out what has bloomed and what is harvest for you to celebrate, to celebrate your hardest and they make march in April, get back to planting. Okay, that makes me feel better. Stillness a lot of purpose in stillness. And the reason why a lot of people's manifestation moves so slow is because when they are supposed to be being still for the sake of retrieving what the next steps would be, our look like they're resisting the steelness to become more action based. When you have to. There's a there's a c planting season, and there's a harvest planting season. Now to go biblical, the Bible even talks about that, and we have to know when that is for us, because I can't over at you and go harvest for her, no harvest for me. I don't know when you planted that anyways, I don't even know the magnitude of what you planted, right, Yeah, No, I love that's that makes me feel better. Yeah, I love. I love the seasons. And I've never been one on resolutions. I read a book a long time ago called The Happiness Project, where it was basically once a month to do something that's you know, a goal for that month. And I've kind of liked that, but I usually end up falling off of it, like like oh shoot, I forgot But I think it's just being mindful of Okay, yeah, the season, and I really love that at Can you tell us a little about your book, Mental Detox. I'm just curious because it's I feel like we could all use a little mental because we do gut detoxes. So what's the what's the mental detox? Yeah? Mental Detox is um my first book I wrote way back in twenty fourteen, and people seem to still love it and even love it more now. It's still selling like hotcakes, which is more impressive, not for the cells, but for the fact that that tells me the book is extremely impactful and it's changing lives. It consists of giving tips and tools and many examples of how you detox your entire life by using the garden metaphor uh that as as your your your minding, and your your mental is your garden, and your mind like a garden um. You know, if if it goes unattenant. You attract rods and weedings and so rodents and wheats, and so you can't not attend to it and think that it will just flourish on its own. It takes work, and so it also explains what that work looks like, right, and it looks like your garden needs to take how but inventory right before there's seasons, there's an inventory season. Why we're talking about seasons where you take inventory of your garden, sure gardening, the people, the places of things, a circumstances of thoughts, the action of the behaviors, all the stuff that you are involved in, and look at it and say, how is it serving me? If it's not serving, you plow out. Okay, if it's serving you leave in nurture. And the things you plow out rid of with no guilt because you're not doing it from a bad are a negative intentional space. You're doing it from a place of it's serving you. And when things serve you, guess what you can better serve other people? And then you start to take inventory of, well, what harvests do I want in my garden? Right? What do I want my gardener look like? And of course they're not talking about vegetables and trees and fruits. We're talking about you know, the goals. These seeds are your goals. These seeds are how you want to show up in, how you show How would you be PLoud if you showed up in that in that type of person, that type of character. So you're planning character seeds. You're planning, you know, maybe for you it's dating seeds. Maybe for you it's healing myself seeds. What does that look like? What does my next marriage look like? When I get there? Hey, don't wait to want it, to plant it. Let's start planting those season now so that you won't have to be in your be steel season hoping for an harvest because you plant it too late. And so mental detox is all about detox in your garden. I e. Your mind of all the stuff that does not serve you, but take an inventory of what that is, and then planting all the stuff that does serve you, nurturing it, watering it, and being patient to understand that it will bloom in its season, not when you want it to, but in its season. So I tell everyone there you should be doing two things as a lifestyle, and it will help you with being patient in the stealness seasons or in the seasons when there isn't always a harvest. So you should be either planting or receiving a harvest. Planting or receiving a harvest. How do you make sure you're a harvest every day? Well, for those who don't have harvesting now, because you haven't been planting anything, that's okay. You start to plant seeds every day, all day, right, and before you know it, when you wake up, you'll be an autopilot. Up, I'm planting this today. But then when you shift to the right, you see a harvest of which you plant six months ago or a year ago. So your job is to do two things, plant and receive, plants and receive, and that ultimately results in your very one job, which is to be happy. Because when you're happy, you're receiving. Vessels are wide open, sure, and so you need things to be wide open for you to receive. And so the idea is not to shut down because of a divorce, because of a heartbreak, because of firing a way off of a job, or because of a bad decision. Because when you shut down your garden, nothing gets in, nothing gets out, including yourself an island. Yeah, and nobody wants to be that now. No one honestly wants to visit that island as not that kind of island when you're alone, you know what I mean? Mhm, A deserted island with with no lodging, no harvests, no food. Yeah nothing. No one pays for a flight to go visit that island unless you just need like one day away from the kids in a quiet piecel. Besides that, but you are the life coach on the Teen Mom Family Reunion show, is it well? A has that been fulfilling in a way where you get to impact even more people? Because obviously your work, just like when you come in podcasts like your your words spread to thousands and hundred, hundreds of thousands of people, And has that been rewarding for you to kind of see that impact that you make absolutely before doing the show, just being in like my doctorate program, Um, I remember like my professor asking even my masks with program, hey who's going to get license? You know, raise your hand, everyone, raise your hands, set me And professor said, well, why are you going through twelve years of school and to not get license? You just gonna hang this, you know, diploma on your wall. I said, well, yeah, I hang it on my wall on my office and have office back then yet but I manifested it as you can see behind me hanging on my wall in my office. However, I also not only want to be in private practice, but I you know, I said, I said, I want to have a platform. I don't know how God's gonna you know, how He's gonna construct it, but I'm have a platform where I'm able to change lives. I'm able to heal people at a bigger capacity, by the by the millions, and it will be you know, global. Not for the sake of ego, but for the sake of I was a little girl and I had to figure out how to get through abandonment, how to get through adversity. And when I got to a place of taking my broken pieces of making peace from it, I thought, no, no, no, I'm not the only one that can do this. I'm not the only one who is allowed to do this. And it's a human right that everyone has mental health and a peace of mind. And give me the platform and I will spread those I will give those tools, and I will make sure that I'm giving everything that I use within myself and giving everything that I am so that people can have that peace. And for me, I call it God's peace, and everyone can call it whatever they want pieces peace and it's just a space that I've arrived to that it has no currency. It is priceless, and it is everything that I've seen in my seventeen years of being in the mental health failed. Everyone that I've run into, whether they're on the couch and session with me, are just having conversation, we all have that one thing in common. I want to we want to be at peace and we want to be happy, and it takes work. And so for me being on the show, not just seeing the team moms and dads have breakthroughs and use the tools that it be extremely effective and then go through life's roller coasters, but learn how to be more balanced and regulate themselves through the roller coasters of what life is going to do to every body, and then learning how not to personalize it. Also hearing folks around the world say I see myself in this person. I seen myself in Jade. I seen myself and may say seen myself and kaya and the tools you gave them I've used and It's changed my life. My marriage is better, in my relationship with my son or daughter has taken more of a positive momentum. Those things for me are again they're cathartic, They're life changing, and they remind me every day of why I'm in my purpose right and why what I do is my real paycheck, it's my real currency, it's it's my real value. And so yeah, it is absolutely it's very rewarding to be able to and I think the biggest thing we all can have, I think, and I believe what legacy is is the impact in lives that we change more than then that we make of ourselves. Yeah, that's that's so true. I'm curious to like, with everything that you do, all the people that you help, is there something where you just kind of beat your head and go, I just like, I wish that like the people could see this, or I think I wish like where it gets frustrating for you. M not so much frustrating, but the more you know, the I wish they can get this and see this it. You know, it happens often in session when I'm seeing the bigness, I'm seeing the beauty, I'm seeing the awesomeness of you know, my client in session who is just not quite there yet. They just don't see the bigger picture. They don't see, you know, the bigness of themselves, the big of their God, the bigness of their source, the bigness of whatever they believe in. That's when I'm And then when I see them right at edge of breakthrough, right at edge of that turning point, it's like I become this mama bear that wants to take it and turn it for him. And that's when I'm more like, sit on your hands, breathe patience. You know, it has to be a process, it has to be in a perfect timely matter. And that's why it takes an expert to be able to do what I do, when other coaches and therapists do, who really is seasoned to where they don't cause more impairments by moving too fast or probing too much, are poking in ways that will cause impairment to know how to pace because you know, a seasoned or even a good beginner therapist or coach, we see it before you see it, and that's why we're able to guide you to where it is. Yeah, that's the keyword right there, guy, because it's like, oh my gosh, the amount of times my therapist was like, okay, well if you know doing the cards, She's like, you're here, so how do we get here? You know? And it's like, now looking at it, I'm like, oh my god. She was trying to guide me, you know, just trying so hard. But it's like, y'all could tell us whatever you want to you're blue in the face. We have to get to a place where we sit there and go I'm done, and you've you've helped guide, but you didn't tell us what to do, right, because everyone's always telling us what to do and how to act and how to be. And it's like, you guys are just a safe place and truly a guide to lead us and lead us and show us what's right and what you know, where we should were, you know, what we should deserve and what we do deserve. Ye. And because of what you said, words don't teach experience does. So the reason why we got to not tell is because we can tell you all we want if you don't get the experience right, because words don't teach, experience does, and so we have to create, you know, or at least I do. I create an experience in the session um an emotional experience, a meditative experience, so that that person can feel I experience the shift, the breakthrough and go, oh my god, that's what it is. That's where it stems from. Oh I got chills. Oh I just felt that that's the experience moment. That's the life changing moment right there, versus it being a lectora. Well, this is how you do it. And you take the hammer and you you bang on the nails and you put one brick at a time, and this is you laid the cement. You're learning something, but you're not getting the experience, and experience teaches well, and you might not be ready for it either, Like there was you know, for however many years, I wasn't ready to grab the hammer, grab the nail, grab the wood. I just I just wasn't ready. And I think you have to get to a place where you're also ready to and you'll and you'll know. I think that's something too where someone asked me like, well, how do you know, I'm like, I promise you I asked the same thing for seven years. You will know. There will be a point when it's like no matter. You don't need your friends to you what to do or your therapist what to do. You will actually have the answer and know what to do. And that moment is the most powerful moment that you'll have. And now you just have to be strong enough to listen to that and move yep to that, keep listening to that, and the more you listen to your inner self, it's like a muscle. Well, I think it's so hard because you's so I've always like I doubt that. I'm like, well, well maybe that's just because I'm emotional, or I'm on my period, or I don't know, like it's like you or this person said this. But so it's like you you have so many outside voices, and that's something that I've learned nearing forty is like limiting the people that get to have a say or get to come into my brain and thoughts and or even want their opinion, because it's like, it's my life. I get to make the shots. I get to call the shots. Now I might ask. I think it's important to have friends that you know share their their thoughts, but also I think it can be very harmful too to have too many opinions because then you lose sight of what you feel one drowning out the outside chatter is the number one, you know, thing that strengthens your inside or inner voice, because the inner voice is not a chatter, it's your guiding system. It's your voice. And when you are having outside chatter, be louder than your inner voice, or you're going to harken to the voice that's louder. And so again, knowing how much you're sharing, into who you're sharing it with, and trusting what comes up in you as you you know, dim or turn down the value of the other voices. The value in you has always been turned up. You're just now able to actually hear it because you're not distracted by the things that don't know you. They don't know you as well as your sense of self. When your inner voice knows you, they never will. That's the beauty of it because then we have our power. It's in us, right m h. And we got where it's happened to that and we might find it in different seasons to circle that background. That's all you will find it. Hum Doctor Brian, thank you so much for coming the show. Watch new episodes of Teen Mom Family Reunion every Tuesday at MTV at eight pm. We're also can our listeners find you and and just follow along now totally at doctor Brant dot co. And that's doctor Brant dot ceo not dot com. And on the media, I am underscore doctor Bryant and you can google doctor Shy and Briant. I come up number one on Google with my book Mental dtoms, Yeah, Coach b teen Mom, all those things you can put on Google, and my website shows up my contact informations there and you can contact me from my website. You can book sessions on my website, and you can obviously tune into teen Mom every two well our season just ended, but every Tuesday next season if we get a season three, which you know fingers crossed, yeah, manopastest manifesting that and so yeah, but there's definitely way to contact with me Doctor Brian dot co and Instagram Underscore doctor Bryant. And one last thing, if there's something that you could say to anyone that is just truly stuck in this moment, what's one thing that can maybe shed a little light. Meditate the go. Meditate every day ten minutes minimum and whatever comes up, trust it and listen to it, trust yourself and trust the process. You already know where you want. You already know where you want to go. As soon as you completely dissipate the outside chatter, you'll be able to hear exactly what you want. And You're happy is in you. And so as you allow you to come up and you build a relationship with yourself, then you will be in You're happy. And lastly, we are so caught up in building relationships with other people, and don't get me want wrong. Relationships are your your vessel to business, your vessel to connection. However, the most important relationship you will ever have is that relationship with yourself, and you can't build it until you actually put in the work and the investment and getting to know you, listening to you, trusting you, and really believing in the connection within yourself. And that's where you will build this self nest that will demise the codependency of having to always find someone else's nest to nest in. Yeah, and it's a very powerful place when you nest in you, Yes, nesting. I love that. Well, you're the best. Thanks for coming on. Really appreciate us. A lot of people are going to take a lot from this, so thank you. Thank you for having me in great information, great questions, and thank you for having a platform where people can actually tune into get tools, get information, and get gems that will hopefully change your life. Oh yeah, girl, appreciate you. Alright, Bye honey, See yah

Whine Down with Jana Kramer

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