Set Your Soul on Fire with Ali Landry

Published Mar 27, 2023, 4:00 AM

Ali Landry hangs out with Jana and her friends for an intimate conversation about trauma, tragedy, and starting anew.
 
She opens up to Jana about reshaping her life after going through public heartbreak from infidelity, and she tells an unbelievable story of her family getting kidnapped in a foreign country.
 
But she reveals that we all have a choice when it comes to trauma, and Ali is ready to share how she dealt with it head on and started down a road to healing.

Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast. Okay, so this week's wind Down, we have Ali Landry coming on. You guys heard her story, by the way, I haven't, No, I've heard pieces of her story. She's a former Miss USA. She's stunning too. She's beautiful, but she's like an on a mission to do good works for the world too, which I love, world peace, world peace. She's like she had um she dated Mario Lopez, right, yeah, they were engaged. Oh uh huh okay, and no Ac Slater forever got it noted? So she did not marry Mario. No, why didn't they get married? Uh? Yeah, we know it's out there. Well, it's hard because it's like he's a friend, got it, got it out in okay? You know. But I think, like we had said in the last episode, I think people can change. I don't think once a cheat are always a cheater. Got okay, and there you have it, and there we have it. I think, you know, I think it's so hard too. I don't know. I can't remember when they got engaged, but I can't imagine being so famous too and just having everything at your fingertips. Do you know what I mean yeah, I mean that's like it's Temptation Island, right, Yeah, yeah, for sure. He's so well known well and you know any Yeah, I mean you look at remember that the Hugh Grant and who was that Hugh Grant and Elizabeth what is her name? I mean supermodel? Yes, yeah, I know what you're talking about. He didn't he have an affair on her too when they were married. Yeah, So I feel like it's one of those things where, I mean, that's why always hate, like how could they get cheated on? I'm like, anybody can get cheated It's anybody, anybody. But I do love what she's doing. But no her Alilander's father in law found dead in Mexico sixteen days after kidnapping with her. So, the father in law and brother in law we're found dead in Mexico roughly two weeks after after they were kidnapped. I know they both sustained traumatic brain injuries and had been dead for several days when they were discovered in the rural area. But I mean I can't even I mean, can you even imagine no, no, out of their home. That's so scary because I know when they say that, um, like they say like don't go outside of the resorts. Yeah that's like you know, yeah, I wouldn't. I don't really like to deal like to got other resorts in Mexico, no, ma'am, because I'm not when I go to Mexico or I know those places, I'm like, I like the resort and I'm not saying like Mexico is bad, like Cabo. I mean there's that one place in Cabo we like to go that like Flora something. But oh, I just don't really honestly leave resorts anywhere. Like I'm kind of like, ah, I'm good right here, just cozy and cozy and where we're at like if. But I just think in that area like the Mexico And again, I don't want to like talk bad about Mexico. I also just have heard how I'm going to Jamaica in May. I think I'm gonna stay on there. I did, but I don't know. I don't even like when Sarah and I went to the Caribbeans, I just get scared leaving the resort for some reason, even though it's like they say it's super safe. You guys, know who are you talking to? So she had great loss. She loses a father in law and so was the brother in law like around the same time that she kind of started. Well, that's my question for her actually without triggering, But I have a couple of questions about that, because I'm really fascinated. She's created this whole brand around reshaping your Life, and I'm it seems pretty women focused from what I can understand. So I'm just really fascinated to know. I have a couple of questions actually, But her book is called Reshape your Life, Don't settle because you are worth it. So we'll take a break and then we'll get her on before we get Ali on the what's up with the therapy? Not trusting? So not only do I just not trust men, but I don't trust a lot of people. Yep, we got them and um, yesterday we have like a deep dive into that. From a very early age, it feels like I wasn't super nurtured to trust myself because reality was always questioned, my reality versus the family's reality. And so I I am so sure about so much, but I still will second guess myself. Interesting why because from very early on what I knew to be true wasn't What was their truth huh oh, that's interesting. Yeah, so I'm in like reality versus reality versus reality. I bet i'd have a little bit of that too if I got dug with like other family members. Yeah, And it was really sweet because Amy's like, I really want to dig with you, and I want to get to like a good place with this, but I also want to do that like really quickly before your baby's born, right because I just don't we can't be doing this like postpartum and exhausted and totally agree. So it'll just be like a very intense few weeks, I think. But I feel, you know, it's weird when you get to this kind of place. I feel like I get excited to just dig and like untangle. Sure, and I'm at that place. So I had a lot of people reach out to me about us, talking about like our age and like when we argue or have things in these moments, how we go back to our childhood age or whatever. I just so many people reach out to me about that, and it's like I'm still trying to figure out my age though, figure out to do it at therapy, yeah, because I just go em DR. Most likely that's when like it'll pinpoint out that's not like an online quiz, you know, like any pagram. Well, I can remember different specific thing that we're so like, you know, memorable obviously, but I'm like, I don't know. Well, it's interesting because I'm like a very assertive person, but I also just want everyone to feel like loved on, and so I'm very like we had a situation at a friend dinner the other night where I can knew that there was like a group there was two people that were like having a minute, and then I get like, I sit in the middle and make sure I bridge the gap because I don't was that me well times with Anna, good for you bridging that gap. But you know, like that is and some of that is great, Like Amy is like, some of that is just that's a natural, like good nurtury thing. And she's like, but sometimes like maybe not that situation exactly, but she's like, and there's some situations where it's okay to just like let it fall apart, but you don't want it to fall like you have a hard time not and that Yeah, no, well it has been since I was any biddie. Yeah, well, so that is interesting. That leads me to something else. Where with that do you feel like you because you're so you're bridging the gap right between other people's feelings. So then when I had a situation where I I don't want anyone, didn't feel uncomfortable or the person. So it's like I like, I then insert to to just how do I say this, um without like telling the exact story. I don't know. I tried to and then you busted me. Well, no, this is a different story. But this is like I I never want anyone, Okay, so um, maybe this is helpful. But one thing I love is that you'll nip things like you won't. You're not like a You're not a mean girl like we get in a situation you'll grab somebody and pull. No, no, you're not anymore. No. Well, there was times where you'd be like I'll stand in my corner, she can stand in hers. But I've seen you specifically just like pull someone aside and say like, hey, like I just want you to know whatever, I didn't do that the other night though, Well you didn't need to say. That's where I normally would go because I want to feel like I have to say sorry for something that I didn't do. You didn't need to say sorry, but I would in the past to then have the situation not be awkward, because it was awkward, right, But I wanted her to go I'm sorry if that was because I felt like maybe she should have him been like I'm so sorry. This was just a little like stressful and like whatever, and I'm like, oh my god, girl, no worries, it all squashed. Yeah, But then I'm like, I don't feel like I need to go say sorry. I didn't you actually didn't need to, and I was like proud of myself for not but then I also didn't like how it felt to have that, Like but it's also like a birthday party, and it's like we don't need to be like having therapy in the corner either. Like that's where I also go, okay, maybe another time, another place, right, Like this doesn't need to be do you know what I mean? Though, I like, you just don't want the negative and I don't like the energy, so I'll just be like I'll fall on a sword or or I'll just be like, oh, it's only non swords used to be my pastime, and I'm curious about your other story though I know, well it kind of like it. It goes kind of along the similar lines of that dinner, but just making sure that everyone's having a good time. And when I feel that maybe someone's not having a good time, I then like get more like anxious to like make a stronger blend. That makes sense, Yeah, yeah yeah, And I'm like, why do it? Why shouldn't Why am I putting my own uncomfortable feelings on somebody else? Yeah? Yeah, So I don't know why what, I don't know why. I used to care a lot about that, but that made me good at a lot of my jobs. Like I used to work in the record business, and so that was like, that was such a good trait to have for that season of life. Sure, and then I learned it no longer serves me. I'm oxygen mask on myself before assisting others. Right, oh yeah, good points. So now I'm just like, Okay, well, I'm I'm the girl that's texting you. Sorry you feel that way, I'm really not. But if someone texts you I'm sorry you feel that way. After you said I feel like these messages are quite aggressive, I'm sorry you feel that way. You're done, You're dead to me. Hey, guys, this is where I like have a hard time because I'm like, just pick up the freaking phone and say, hey girl, things are getting crazy. You need to hear my voice say I'm sorry. This is not how it's so nipped. I think the text that being said my husband used to I think I've said this before. My husband used to come to me after we fought, and he would say I'm sorry we fought. Yes, And I'm like, that is not an apology. What is that that much interesting? It would bother me, But I see, I see, because it's not even you wasted a whole sentence. You just wasted one that's worthless to me. Get out of here. Hey it's communicating, but is it not real? It's a spaceholder. It's just a little taking any accountability or asking what can I do different? Or no, but you can be. It should have been i'm sorry, we fought, and right right right, there should be more to it. It It should always sounds like an opening to me for the kid. It's not i'm sorry, period, it's i'm sorry we fought. Yeah, it's not a health thing to do this better. It's one sentence. Yeah, noa I hear you on that? Okay, Well, I'm glad we're in agreement. Okay, sorry, we fought cat. Okay, so can you guys. I want to do something kind of fun. Okay, and young oh I need it. So Maggie came here. She's like, is it me? So come sit, come sit, come sit over here. And I don't know what's happening. You want her? Where do you want her? No, it's I like it here. Yeah, we know. Maggie thinks we're soothing to listen to. I want to quote that. Let's let's sweeze in just a little big but no, you did not. You're good. Okay, So one seat over here. Okay, we'll caught all that piece. Okay. So I wanted to do something a little fun because I okay, this this kind of drives me semi nuts. But a lot of the brainy people are like, yeah, gotta get on TikTok. And I'm like, I, yes, I'm on TikTok, but I don't know what to do and whatever. So Maggie. We met sweet Maggie at an event and she's young, she's fresh, she's hip, and she came up with this really cool idea. Do you want to tell them about what you want to do on Broadway for wine down? Oh boy, I would love to. Um. Okay, Well, obviously this podcast is very about relationships. You talk about a lot of different things that a lot of young people are either going through in real time or in real time making the mistakes that you guys talk about and like try and avoid things like that. Maggie, Maggie, I really like you. I feel younger just because you're with us. To take a deep breath, Yeah, well I was like ran up the stairs, but okay, anyway, So my idea is that some time on Broadway every weekend, I am that girl that I meet so many girls, and literally, like I watched mistake after mistake, I am sometimes involved in them. But I thought you guys, like we could pose a question and we could hit the streets of Broadway and find girls just random, you know, if we like their outfit, we'll talk to them whatever gets us connected, and we'll ask them a question, and then you guys talk about it and you kind of like how would you act in that moment and how would you deal with it? Now, So Maggie's in a record the question and then we're gonna play it on here. So like some mondays we'll be like, all right, Maggie was live on the streets and Broadway, and we've got a you know, someone from Indiana asking us about whatever, you know, because usually we just get DM sent to us. But this way, it's like, if you see Maggie on the streets in Broadway, Maggie in the field, we'll come up a really good name. Yeah, so clearly that's not one that she liked. Okay, Maggie, how old are you? Just for record, I'm twenty one. You are job of fetus. No, this is a fetus tunny. You're beautiful and you have great energy. Thank you. Yeah, I really like you. I'm excited for you to be Maggie in the Field or whatever name you think is better. I think it was something on Broadway, like Maggie on Broadway or like where it's like. But again, like, okay, well, if this is wine Down, what shouldn't it be like wind up, wind up, I don't know, wind up on Maggie, Maggie, Maggie Broadway. Okay, this guy, let us know what this is like a whiteboard, off the record, I'll put a question on the Wine Down Podcast Instagram and you guys leave us your thoughts boom and so I don't know, just like whenever you find yourself down there, you're gonna just video. And then when we're recording on a normal weeks, well, we're gonna have a little segment Maggie something something clear. We will not be on Broadway, you guys. When it was first brought up, I was like, I had a moment where I was like, how do we do that? How am I on Broadway once a week? Like, I was like, I don't know that I can hang, but I'm gonna try. For Maggie, I think you guys could hang. I think you could hang at least maybe once every other month. That could be fun. I think you guys need Oh, I think that'd just be great content anyway. No, I think you know wind Doown needs to get wind Up? Yeah? Wind Up on Broadway? Yeah, I like that. And then also I'm thinking, like for Cmas, like maybe we do a live podcast like somewhere downtown, you know what I mean, and grab some people from the streets. They can ask some questions like the whole thing. So we're going to manifest that. Okay, that's and then Maggie's gonna go do her work on Broadway and then you'll report back to us. Oh my god, I'm so excited, Maggie. You're like a whole new element. I'm here for this, right, Yeah, And it has to be like all ages and maybe even dudes, you know what I mean. Oh, I think dudes for sure. I think they are probably the ones that the more help. I think, well, you really feel, Maggie. There's about a twenty year gap between us, and I I just want to say, amen, Um, I could be Maggie's mother, just so we're clear, but I do Um. I think you're right, And I think it's interesting. Like even when we're out on wine, down on the streets, like on tour, I feel like guys actually have questions and they're a little like more anxious to ask in person or like anxious to just write or whatever. So I think this is gonna be awesome. I think we're gonna be surprised how many sweet gentlemen have some inquiring minds out there. Yeah, for sure, I think that it would be very interesting. And also, you know, you get a couple of drinks, you feel a bit more relaxed, more loose, and I think the questions will be very interesting. We need to keep a blooper real as well, because I have a feeling like a little collaboration, like a little This feels very sex and city to me, and I'm here for it for a season. Dives on carry that's tough, tough, tough. It's okay, Maggie, it's okay. All right, let's take a break and then we're going to talk about our guests that it's coming up very soon. Hy you guys, Hey Ali, I am Janna. This is how I'm Kristen and Catherine and we are at wind down. So thank you so much for coming on to talk about your book. I love you and everything that you are. I've obviously followed you and everything that you've done, and I just the fact that you have this now book out, it's just like you you. Um, how do I say this? Like you just exude so much light. Thank you than I really appreciate that, because you know, that's how I like to describe people, especially people I surround myself with. I really try to look for those people that you know, when they're when they walk into the room, it's like they are glowing. Lots of people I alway one around me because I feel like they lift me up, you know, just with their light. So thank you, no, of course, And I feel like for you, like you've you've had reasons to not have that light, you know, like there's been so many things that have happened in your life where you could have easily gone down a road where you're just like bitter or angry, just dark, and you've chosen to find that light. And I'm curious, like for you, what was like, how did you tap into that? You know? I've always yeah, I consider myself, you know, a student of life. I always want to grow, evolve. I love change. Some people like are really fearful of change. For me, I like, really I really love it because it means growth, and you know it hasn't I call those I've like two things I think specifically that I called my forced reshaped And one was around heartbreak, break and betrayal, and one was around tragedy and loss. And in both of those situations, I feel like I had a choice, you know, I could have easily swept those emotions and those feelings like under the rug and just kind of moved on. I mean, life happens fast, right, even when these things hit us, and it's going to happen to all of us. But you're at at that crossroads where you really have a choice. And for myself, I knew that if I didn't deal with the emotions, the pain, the despair on your knees and like complete desperation, that it was going to come back to haunt me later on in life, and that I was not willing to deal with. I knew that I had to sit in that pain in order to move forward and not make maybe not it wasn't you know it, Like I made mistakes in all of them, but I mean, I think in the betrayal situation, I obviously had a choice. I had to have to at least take a little bit of responsibility. So I just knew that I didn't want that in my life moving forward. I wanted to move forward. Of all it's transformed, all of it, And even though sitting in that pain it's hard, I feel like, and you got to do a lot of work, you know, I did a lot of work, but that's where the true transformation like happens. Absolutely, I'm curious if we can go to that betrayal heartbreak piece, because I mean we can, we both can relate to being cheated on in relationships and like so many other women and men. But the it's interesting. I was reading something that I was that I was working on, and I was talking about forgiveness and how you know my ex husband and they say, you know, forgiveness is not you know, for the other person, it's for you. But I also wonder, do you really have to forgive them? Can you just be like, because I think there's a piece where I'm like, how do I say this, Like I I don't feel like you almost have to forgive them, and you don't, but that doesn't mean that it still harbors all there was, like the resentment and anger and issues like I can just be like, I don't forgive him for that peace and cheating on me during our marriage and you know, the separation of all the things. But I can just go. But that was our pass and you can accept it without forgiveness. And I'm curious kind of where you on with acceptance, you know, and the forgiveness piece of all that. I think I have a little bit of the same sentiments as you. You know. It's really the crazy thing is forgiveness is a hard thing to wrap your head around. Especially when you're in that situation of betrayal. Because my initial thing, you know, everybody says that you have to forgive in order to like move on. Well, I didn't understand what that meant, like in my mind, like he really it was horrible, you know what he did, And forgiveness for me almost felt like at the time initially like I was giving that person a free pass, and I just like, at you know, their stages. Right in the beginning, I was like, I'm given him a free pass, like that's not cool. You don't do that to people, like you don't do that to another being, and so what I'm just supposed to say it's okay. But then I guess, you know, the more I kind of sat in it and dug in. I journaled through that time. I remember just like sitting in my sister was with me. I remember sitting I think in my house for like over a month. I was reading The Purpose Driven Life. At the time. I had like a student Bible. I had my passages, you know. Every time anger would bubble up inside of me or like I felt like I needed to take action, I would immediately go to that word in that like student Bible and I would read it and it was like peace would kind of like wash over at me, which was kind of like such a crazy thing. And then I just knew that over time, I didn't even want to carry I didn't want to carry any of it moving forward, you know. So but it wasn't until much later that and it's again, it's the place you're in, it's the process, and sometimes people say certain things and it lands on you in a completely different way. And it did land on me about how you know, if I didn't really dig into it and understand what forgiveness was, it was doing nothing for that person, Like it was really just for myself, right, So that I understood. So that was like okay, yeah, because then it takes away the power from that person, you know, then you take it back for yourself, like I want to be amazing, I want to move forward with no resentment nor whatever. And that's sort of how I kind of held onto forgiveness moving forward. But I think because I did that work in that time, a lot of work just about it, like a lot a lot of a lone time. I mean, you know, all of it. I look back and I almost think like it was one of my greatest gifts. I truly it changed me as a woman. I understood my worth and that's kind of part of why that title is there, like you are worthy, because if you don't, another woman doesn't see it in themselves. I want to acknowledge that, like you are worthy. I recognize my worth. And I knew that moving forward, I was going to do things differently and I needed to be very clear about how I was going to move forward. So like I wrote it down. I wrote down very very specifically that man, that the man that I wanted to come into my life, what I needed him to look like, what qualities I needed him to have. So when it came in and it was not that, it was like whoa, you know, the siren was going on. And it's also probably easier to just be like nope, oh yeah, now I don't have turned to on that right, Like so it's just it's like clarity, right, and I'm so type that I just don't want to make a mistake your life, right, So I knew I needed to figure it out. Um, and you know, I have a strong faith. You know, my faith is very important to me. And also it was like kind of surrendering, like I didn't trust myself a lot of that time, and I sort of leaned on God and was like, look, I made a horrible mistake, like I totally screwed up. I need you to like put one foot in front of the other because I don't want to make the same mistake yet, right, And that's kind of how it. Yeah, I know. It's so interesting because I'm like when when I hear you talking, because it's like it's so easy to be like, yeah, I forgive you, but I'm like, I don't really. I started I started peeling back layers. I'm like, do I really forgive him? It's almost like I feel sorry for him because like that just meant that he was hurt. Right, So it's like hurt people, you know, like hurt people. But I also can be like but it's okay, Like it's it's I'm sorry, and it's okay. Like at this point, it's like it's okay now, right, because you see the gift, you see the sliver lining, you see that you're so much better off. It's like, thank you for showing me, oh my gosh, what I deserve and what I don't. It's almost like instead of saying like a forgiveness. It's like it's a saying I forgive you. It's almost like thank you, thank you. Oh gosh, yeah, thank you. And that's also something I talk about in the book. It's about the mindset. It's about flipping the switch, which is really hard to do, right, but again, like doing that work being very specific of what you're doing, so not just saying just thank you, like why why are you thankful? Yeah, I am so thankful to you because of this and this and this, and like just that being super specific with the details, because that becomes the new story. So when you're moving forward and people are asking you these questions about that, it's it's different now, you know, like you can say, yeah, that happened, but look, this is what happened, this is what came out of it, this was this is the fruits of it. I did the same, thank goodness, I went through that with the betrayal, because what was even harder was the tragedy and loss we experienced in our family when we lost both my father in law and my brother in law and horrific situation. But it was that as well. I mean, yeah, we sat in that despair for a long time and then we had to flip it and think about, you know, life being so short, leaving living really truly in the moment, and what did we really want our life to look like moving forward? Like we have one life, like make it a masterpiece, like you got one shot at this game, right, So all like that, there's so much of that in the book, you know, using my own examples and trying to help people with their own roadmap to their reshape, but just kind of giving my perspective because the fact that I got through those things on the other side, honestly and the way I did, I feel like it's almost like miraculous. All yea, I have a question for you, so I know I read that you I kind of want you to walk us through like the timeline of like there's there's this loss of trust right in the cheating, and then there's the loss of your sweet father in law and brother in law. At what point is that does it start to take the physical toll? Because that part is really fascinating to me. I want to know like even though and I have felt this a bit in my own journey, like you can handle it mentally and you can find the faith in all the things but your body eventually does keep the score a little. So were those like the hair loss, the not sleeping? Was that all? Do you think effects of your body keeping score? Is that how you and when that happens? This is loaded, But I'm like fascinated because I love that you were like, I'm taking charge and figuring it out because a lot of women kind of like fall into this like oh, you know, and they're fixing, they're band aiding these little things and not like getting to the heart and like really you know, reshaping and reconstructing. I do think, you know, it's funny you says, I never really thought about it like that, Like what does the body still actually hold on from the traumas? Right? You can do as much like emotional healing, but yeah, the body, you know, living, reathing, this cellular level, it takes you know, you take it all in. So yeah, I'm sure some of that for sure was an effect of what I went through. Um, but I do think a lot of it had to do with like my girlfriend's like, yeah, we're just getting older. That's what happens when we age. The aging definitely is like one thing. But for me, what was exciting about that part the physical part again was that I was able to dig in and get to the other side of it, like healthier, more energized, growing my hair back, more sex drive, you know, like better digect like really get to the other side of it. And I'm going to be fifty in like a few months. I feel better. I feel like I look better now than I did in my thirties, honestly, Cart And I don't want a car whatever Europe too, And I don't want you to, like I want people to buy this book because I just think like the kind of human you are, like you have a special like light about you. You're I like my husband, and I would call you a shiny one. And so I really do like I'm excited to read. I just want you to, like Cliff note, like if someone's listening right now and they're like, okay, but where do I even start first add to Cart the reshape your life because you're magical. But is it like blood work, Like what did you like, where did you even begin that little part of the journey. And again, just cliff Note it so that we're still all just the part for the healthy, identify them in different areas. Yes, please let me just say for it for whoever is listening. The way, the best way I'm the best way I could describe it. The way I felt at that time was I felt off, but I did not feel sick enough to go to the doctor. If that made any sense, makes you know, much sense. And I was in a high pressure situe. It only showed up really because I was on a live television show on Fox, you know, doing my day to day, my mom thing, you know, taking the kids to school, grocery shopping, cookie. It wouldn't have showed up the way it did. It's only because I was on live television. And when I got off of that show, I felt like I was in a boxing match with Mike Tyson and I was exhausted, and I would climb in bed and eat Cheetos and you know, brownie brittle, and you know, I was just I felt like I was living half a life, and I just I was not going down like that. So I would absolutely say that the blood panel is your baseline. You've got to know where you are, you know. And I just had doctor Amy Killen. If you don't follow her, you should, because she's fabulous. She really digs into hormones and health integrative medicine in a really cool way all the things that I believe in that help to me. She really presents it in such a cool way for women to kind of grasp so really that that blood blood work will it's going to show you exactly what's happening, because part of you feels crazy, like like am I Like you know they say our pms. You know, you hear that story for years and years, like men don't really believe it, like it's a thing. But when you see that blood work, you're just like, Okay, oh my gosh, this is exactly why I'm feeling like this. I am completely deleted in this area. My testosterone is like totally plummeted. I'm you know, you just see it all and then you could start supplementing specifically, you know, based on what those numbers are and not just buying the random things off the counter, and when you go to hope, Foo's like, oh yeah, that sounds great, I need that or I need that, and then you take them for a second and then you know you're done because you have no idea why you're taking it. Well, the consensus, the consistency always matters to me, you know, like but I do think you're right. We also live in a society where we're inundated with like by this, by that, this will make you feel this way, and it's like we never I just feel like we've been given this, like really, God gifted beautiful intuition to kind of like know ourselves and know our children in that same way, you know, like you it's that gift. And I think everything gets so noisy we don't listen to it sometimes. So I'm really inspired at the way that you were like, hang on a second, like let me get silent with myself and my body. Yeah, I know that this this cheetah brownie building and I am pregnant, so that did appeal to me. I'm not gonna lie. I feel you hang on a second. That brownie brittle and bad piece really hit home. But I think it's so often we start to settle because that is what we hear, you know, like, oh, it must be aging, you know, Like I'm forty one, and so I'm like, oh, of course I'm tired. But I don't necessarily want to be tired either, you know. Yeah, why I think it's important to go and pinpoint it, you know, I mean I'm in the same kind of boat where I'm like, I'm just tired all the time, you know, And it's like, but I'm taking this and I'm taking that, but I don't really know what I need. So like actually pinpointing it is so and you even tried what depression pills and you're like it wasn't that. Like I'm still like my iron is low. I take those bills, but I'm like, I'm still tired. But it's like, oh, but I'm a mom of three and I'm running from here to here to hear. But it's like, do I have to be this tired? You know? So literally I'm listening to you and I'm like putting it on the blood panel on the calendar. I also think it's what we eat too, right, Yeah, absolutely, I feel so much better when I have a cleaner diet or when i'm you know, not drinking wine every night. You know. My thing is is like I've been eating cleaner and I'm more tired. Maybe your body is like what you're doing, I'm like, why, actually you're depleted it. Maybe you're going to see it all in your blood panel. And what I don't want to do ever, is to overwhelm women. You know, I think the book is really presents like the basics, like kind of like at the I mean, I'm like now into the longevity and the biohacking and like the stem cells, and that's that's like the next book. But I really wanted to meet women at the beginning of their journey. So it's the simple, simple things that you do. It's the things you those little things you do every single day that really make the biggest difference. Right, So let's get the blood panel done. Let's put some very specific practices in throughout your day that you could tap into that's going to set you up for success. Like I talk about like a morning routine, like just something easy, so easy that you're going to do in the morning that's gonna make you feel grounded, like you have control of your day, so you're not like feel feeling like you were hit by the mactruck life. You know, as soon as you open your eyes and you're deflecting, deflecting, deflecting. So all of that is definitely presented. And then going back to your question about going through those things and then the emotional that toll honestly today because you know the book is set up into mind, the mind shape, heart shape, health shape, and soul shape. Right, So, because I did work in all of those areas and again went through those crazy, insane traumas, I don't I feel so strong, like as a human being, like as a woman, I'm so grateful for those I feel so wise, I feel so strong, I feel so peaceful in my body, in myself. I don't feel like I need to put even material things into my life, like to fill me up. Like I just feel like as a woman, I stay in my lane. I do me. I'm uniquely me. I'm able to recognize where something comes in that just wouldn't serve me because of those things. So, because those things happen, even though yes they're but again it's a it's how we flip the switch. It's absolutely how we flip it. And it's interesting because I was having my boyfriend the other night reading something that I was that I wrote, and he looked at mean, He's like, I'm so sorry that you went through all this, and I was like, no, I'm like that. So I was like, I'm so happy that I went through all of it, and it was it was so hard to see and relive at certain points, and you know, obviously Press loves to bring up things and I talk about it, right, So it's like there's a piece of that too where I'm trying to help with with you know, my experiences. Having said all that, it's like I feel and now I know. There's so many things I know now because of the stuff that I went through. So it's like it and being able to be like, no, I'm so thankful and like or what did I learn in this? And like how have I grown in this? Like I'm better for it, which I never thought I would, Like I would have loved to have not gone through it, but I'm so much better on the other side because of it. That's the beauty. Yeah, that's the beauty. Is it hard? Because I think about that and like the faith aspect and listening to what you were saying earlier, you know, to me, I am one that has always felt like, you know, things happen for a reason, God has a plan all those things. I know. That's got to be really hard in those really hard moments. Like I mean, obviously I've never lost someone in a tragic way and you know, or been cheated on or all of that. But is it hard to hear that in that moment for both of you, Like when you're going through it like this happens for a reason God, but but then you also believe that on the other side of it, obviously, But it's just like hearing y'all talk about it, that's got to be so hard to hear in that moment. I would say, yes, I mean more so with the tragedy yause my father in law was the most I mean beautiful human being you've ever met. I honestly thought when they took them that they would give him back because they just would fall in love with him. So that was really hard to wrap your head around, Like losing two people one is hard enough, but two at the same time in such a horrible way. And we were really both my husband and I we were going through the motions like with our faith. I mean, yes, we were still going to church on Sunday because we had our kids, but we were really angry with God, like we were just like why would you do this? Like you took a good one, like why would you do that? And it went We went through a lot of that's when we really started like a prayer and meditation practice and you know, spiritual advisors, a lot of reading, you know, messages come to you like at different times. And I'm Catholic, and the funny thing is I was hosting a Catholic conference and you know, my husband's in the room because he's still angry. He's like, I didn't even want to go down there right now. I mean it was still from when everything had happened. And there was a priest that got up there and he was talking about Mary and like there's a book called thirty three Days to Morning Glory. And I never really had a devotion to Mary. I mean I also have friends that are Christians and you know just kind of like, let's go straight to the big Guy, and you know, we don't really need to go to Mary so much. So I'm hearing this and I'm just like we were so again like angry with God and the relationship was not there, and I don't know, it was like a light bulb went off to me in that moment and I just thought, wait, maybe Mary is the answer for us. It was just it was like just delivered ran to my husband. I said, you've got to meet this priest. We got we have to like dig into this I introduced them and we started doing this devotion, the thirty three Days to Morning Glory, and it was Mary who brought us back into union with her son with Jesus, which is crazy for me to say, because again, like there was no like you know, I loved I mean, you know Mary, mother of God. Yes, but it's just crazy how things kind of work, you know. That is beautiful yet that Yeah, peace has always been so fascinating to me when you go through such a tragedy and have this faith aspect you know how, I don't know, it's just a fascinating process, you know what that looks. It's interesting that Mary is the connection though, because Mary knows tragedy better than any of us, right, I mean Mary lost her only son. Yeah, and so for you to identify with that is just like that is just not coincidental to me at all. No, it's not. That is like the most gifted, like wonderful in a tragic public way, she lost her son. Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, um, I mean thank you for letting me share that with you guys, because I don't share a lot about you know, my faith. Your faith is very personal and never know this world like how people take it. But that's how I got through these things. I mean truly, that's the place and I had to go to pull me through. Um, definitely had nothing to do with myself. It was a lot of the divine right, UM, thank you for sure, thank you, Yeah, thank you. We we we appreciate that because we're you know, we're all on our Christian journey and you know it's um sometimes you know, it's it's hard to I've I'm probably the newest on that journey. Um, just like now understanding like the wise of you know, going through things like well, why did that happen? Where was God in this? I always ask where is God? Where is God in this? Like I don't understand? And then it's it's, um, he shows up and he shows you later. Sometimes it's not in the moment that you need, you know, And I think that's where the peace comes, where it's like cap under your question. It's like in that moment, it's it's so surrender. Yeah, have you thought about that at all? Like, Uh, it's something we've been practicing a lot lately and it's really helped us because again, like we all want to control, right, Like you feel like if you let go being a parent, being a mom and you know you're running a household, you else, you're hugged like you have so much going on and if you let go, then it's all going to fall to you know what. Um, but we've had to learn, I mean, and also being in this business that we're in, it's nothing as promised. You may be working today, you're not working tomorrow when job comes in and it goes out, you know, so there's a lot of so do you feel like you're about to fall off the edge? And so we uh, we read we read The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer and just the idea of surrender was very interesting to me because again type A trying to control everything at all times, and I feel like surrender kind of goes hand in hand with faith, right. So um, it's definitely a practice, right, but something that maybe you know, just to ponder and to think about. That was one of my first books I read after my divorced. Yeah, that was one of my first books. It's a great book. Have you read it. It's a great it's really good one. It's amazing. But your book, though, I'm so excited I am getting through, but back to you in your book, that is. But no, um, I just can I just ask one question around that. So it's been eight years from that tragedy. M yeah, how are How are you in the family doing? You know, we are doing amazing. My brother, let's see, my brother in law's two children are thriving. I mean one is in the top school in Germany, the other one or they're both in school in Germany. Um, they're doing so well. My mother in law, you know, she her dream was always too. She loves the beach, she loves the ocean they live in. She lives in Tampico in Mexico, and we were able to get her a little place in front of the ocean so she could watch the sunset every single day. And so she's doing well. Obviously, it's harder for her because she lost both her husband and her her firstborn at the same time. My husband doesn't talk about it as much as he you know, you ste I think that we are doing really, really well, and I think that we feel their presence now more than ever. I feel like we get signed all the time, and they are We definitely change the way we live, for sure. We do live very much in the moment, like in the moment, being present, knowing that tomorrow is definitely not promised. We make decisions differently as a family. My husband loves to surf, always dreamed of having like a little place on the beach, but we live in southern California, Like there's no way we could afford that, And we're renting a house like in a beautiful place in Lochayan, and we really need to buy a place, and we decided to build a beach house like in Mexico, like driving distance, which is nuts, so crazy, But going back to the thing like life is short, right, like create what you what you so desire and what you love. And in the book I also talk a little bit about and as as adults, as women, you know, do the things that set your soul on fire. I feel like son, so often as we get older, we stopped doing those things that like like that fire, you know, because again, life, the responsibilities, all of it. So just to remember those things and make sure you do that, you know, daily. I just saw Oprah and Gail, who I love. I know all we all love some Oprah right They're in Jordan right now, you know, covering themselves up with mud, and writing on the camels and and that was sort of their message yesterday. It was online and just saying like don't forget to do the things you love, like again, like you have one life. I was like preached sisters, like that's absolutely true. I love it. And it's all his with all of that too, it's it's a growth opportunity hydrotherapists. She calls it AFCA. It's a fucking growth opportunity. Oh yeah. So it's like with everything, it's like look at it AFCA. So it's like it's kind of my motto AFCA. I love that. Yeah, um, Ali, thank you so much for coming on the show. I just your light. I've just everything. Thank you. I so appreciate it. I know you're just yeahiful. Thank you for just breathing and everything you have to say. I love that you took the initiative to write about all of this though, because I think the simplifying it's like the how do you eat an elephant one bite at a time? Is something I always say. But it's like, you know, a lot of us just feel lost in order to start, so getting like a roadmap, especially fellow a types, here is our thanks for sharing at our, A type meeting that matters, just the simplicity and like the realness and just from the heart piece of it. So everyone go get Ali Lander's book, Reshape your life, don't settle because you are worth it. Thanks girl, thank you so much.

Whine Down with Jana Kramer

At the end of a long day, nothing is better than winding down and decompressing with a good friend,  
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