On the Market with Tracy Tutor

Published Jan 16, 2023, 5:00 AM

Jana is moving on… and needs some serious advice from an A-list realtor! Jana is hanging out with Tracy Tutor from Million Dollar Listing LA and getting some crucial tips on how to get the best possible price for her house AND how to co-parent after a divorce.
 
Plus, find out what happened when Jana forgot Kristen’s birthday!

Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast The Gangs Back Together. I like it in the bands together in the same room where I can touch you and see your faces. You know. It's so that's all right, a real lovey, cuddly Catherine. That's me. Have you guys had any embarrassing moments to start your year? Because I have this sounds like it. Do tell well it involves you. Oh oh no, did I embarrass you? Oh? I got nervous what happened? So I was, oh no, no, no, I'm not letting you be this way. Oh I am I'm going to be this way. I can't. I don't know what's up. I'm not entertaining this. I'm going to fill you in on this. Cat. This is what happened, ready for it. So I'm not letting this is embarrassed. This is cringe e like fringe. It's cringe because you love me. But it does not need to be cringe e because I love you. So I was in Scotland with my boyfriend and boyfriend we got a B word on the podcast. I'm not reacting this time. I know they always get my like faces anyway. So anyways, in Scotland with the boyfriend and say it again. We'd like to hear it. But I was putting my makeup on, and you know, I like to when either when I'm running or do my makeup, I like to make some FaceTime calls. I don't FaceTime Catherine because she hates facetiming. So there's certain people that FaceTime. By the way, I don't thoroughly enjoy it, but like face timing you just so we're clear because you don't like it. Not my preference really well, especially when I'm facetiming my sweet beautiful actress friend with her brand new boobs, like just's some sort of wapping the floor at home. Yeah, I have like a side ponytail and she's like Baywatch theme music is playing and she's on the treadmill and like there she is, Hey, BF, what's going on? So people stand in the darkness. I'm like, Pam Anderson is online one I better answer that anyway. So anyhoo, I thought you liked facetiming, and that's the second part of this embarrassing now story. I actually really only like it with certain people and I love it with you, so that should be good. Well, I I just like to see people's faces. Yeah, when I talk and Katherine, to be fair, we're not really like we were were way more text her. We're way more text her. But we also see each other in personally, that's true. Yeah, we don't see each other in person as much. Right. So, well, so I was facetiming with you. I was like, oh, I'm putting a makeup on, and so he has he'll talk to like his brother whoever, and and so I've wanted for him to meet my people too. Rite so I'm like, oh, I'm gonna FaceTime Kristen, and then you know, you can meet the b off again because you've based on him a few times. But the first time he was like driving and he was trying to concentrate on keeping you safe, and he was in his turtle neck looking dap so cute, and so um we FaceTime. We're having this great conversation and it's you know, it's awesome you you talked to him, Uh were you know, I'm doing my makeup, I'm getting ready for like a really fun night out in Scotland, and I'm just waking up. It's a great conversation. It's so great. Cut two the next day, we land back in England and I'm driving what you're driving? I mean, I'm not driving, not only just don't even do the highways. So when a really slow white car, I'm like, that's probably Cramer. Definitely not Cramer. Did you see how she drove? That's true. You know why I thought I was driving because I was in the driver's seat. Oh yeah, in England, right, So it's like the other side, it's so strange. Um okay. So anyways, so driving and it was like, I'm scrolling on Instagram and I see your birthday post and I go, oh ship, and I'm almost so loud that he got into an accident, you know. I freaked mys like what and I was like, oh my god, oh no, oh no, oh no. I go yesterday, I go it was Christine's birthday. He's like, okay, I go. We face time with her. I had her on the phone. She was actually like the first call of the day. So I was like, we'll look at Cramer not and I was like, hey girl, girl, hey girl girl, not even like and I'm like, what's even worse is we were on the phone with her and I didn't say happy birthday. It is not even this big of a d live for my birthday. But I never expect anyone else to live for my birthday, like it means a lot to me, one of your best friends. And the fact that I forgot what day it was, I mean, you can and you were so sweet like you're you've been traveling and it doesn't matter. I was like, you don't. I was like, first of all, San Diego, I don't even know where you are. You don't know what day it is. You don't even know if you've arrived the same day you left, Like, how would you know it's my birthday? Because I should have I should have done in a day. I don't care the excuses that was. I felt so bad, but the fact that we were on the phone together made it so much worse. I mean, I wasn't expecting you guys to be like hit it and and shethday. You're a singer and he has a Scottish accent. I was like, oh, this is gonna be good, just kidding, kidding. So when I didn't say happy birthday, I mean, you so gracefully just hung up the phone. I love you. I mean, I was let me just waking up. What did you think, go ahead, you can call me the you know, just terrible. I honestly, honestly, I was like so cute that she called me on my birthday. I just moved along like I wasn't. It doesn't make it like it has to be like I'm tracing you for your birthday, happy birthday. Like it's like you already one, Like what are we doing? So you thought she was calling you for your birthday? I forgot to say happy birthday because she's also with her boyfriend the word, and I was like, oh, that's exciting, Like I just don't. I'm just so like, but she really forgot that it was your birthday? Well, I don't think she knew a day it was. Let's talk about her like she's not here. I don't think we're not getting together. I honestly was like she had just gotten there, So I was like she might just even not know, like when she wrote and she was like, I'm so embarrassed. I'm like, you're not allowed to be embarrassed. You don't even maybe know what day it is, And I truthfully didn't. I had no idea what because when I'm there, it's such a different world, right, So I don't have my responsibilities and I don't have work, like a lot of work to do, and so I didn't I truly didn't know what day it was. And we also don't arrive the same day that you was the fact we were on the phone. Okay, that really just I believe I should have done and said hey you. I cannot believe I forgot to say happy birthday. That's the whole reason I called you, and we would have moved right through and we would not have listened to honest. I then went knee deep and was like, I got I got it. I was like, I know, you actually made a reel that made me cry. I was just like, I was like, I was going to do a post anyways, but I was like, you got a whole. I gotta I gotta a hole. And I was like, I go, I gotta make this up to her one second and I go give me the next twenty minutes. I mean, I read out take for like the last like nine years, and I was so adding. I was just like making this real because I was like, I gotta make this so good. But the best part was he was so cute. He was trying to help me pick the song Hasty be Jessica Simpsons song, and so we're listening to Jessica Simpson music and she's obsessed Jessica Simpson. I go, but no one else is going to get this. So I'm like with you with and he's like, I can't in person in his Scottish accent, he's like, I don't know if that's that's that's totally British, so it's like terrible, I can't, But in his cute little Scottish accent, he's like, I don't think people are going to get that, you know what I mean. He's like that when it sounds, it sounds like you're you're like lesbian lovers with her. I was like, well, I am, also, yeah, like we can't. We actually have a secret side promise that we'll raise our babies together things at the fans. Yeah. Meanwhile, I'm panicking because you post the day after and I'm like, I texted her on the wrong day, but then you didn't respond, So I was like, I don't even know if I have which is fine, everyone's texting on your birthday. I'm not, you know, but I'm just like wrong. So I got a Facebook and I'm like dude, I have the wrong or right, and then queened him also Julie Tech Happy birthday, Chris. I was like, oh yeah, got the wrong day. Well, the queendom chats full of Leo's too, so I just never expect the Leo's to come out first. I don't. I'm usually terrible with birthdays, and I got you. That's what I'm saying. It doesn't matter to me with birthdays. I am, I love you. It's seventh. I'm always and you always say you guys. Am I the only one that is just like not concerned like I really am, and especially mine because I'm January three. It's like it's been Christmas, it's been New Year, like everyone is finally taking a deep breath, and now you're you have to expect to get like calendar rally and come back for me. I'm January three. I'm fine. I mean, but I reeled it hard. That was like, my so sorry, you made me cry. And then I felt bad because I was sitting with Preston husband watching he made a real two and it didn't make me cry. So I felt bad because he's like I was like, look what look what Kreamer made for me? And he's like you, he gets I have like artist's best friend, artist husbands. Everybody gets really ultra competitive. Who's going to get the A C M for best real and the birthday? Anyway, So it was cute and I was not upset at all. I don't get upset. I know, well, I love you and I'm sorry, and I'm going to do better with birthdays. I just truly I you know, I had to put them in my phone. I forget to put them in my phone. I've been trying to be better about that, and then I do the reoccurring so every year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, So I haven't celebrated yours because you were out of town, so we owe it to each other. Where was I? Oh no, I was here alone? Yeah by myself. Oh no, she was supposed to be out of town. Yeah yeah, good job. Yeah. And You're like, hey, guys, just kidding. And I was like, oh, as I'm pulling my suitcase through bn A, I'm like, catch you next time. What were gonna say? Cattle? Anyway, I feel like you don't really look at your calendar, so you probably would have Catherine her birthday. Katherine does work, Katherine, how do you feel about that and then she says I She goes, don't forget whatever, and I'm like question mark or I just I'm like, nope, please see notes. Please, yeah, just check your calendar well, because it's hard because it's like the time difference is really tricky to uh with with being over there, and I know, like we wanted to FaceTime you, Preston. I wanted to FaceTime you, but it would be so late for you, like you would be middle of the night, right because it was like eight o'clock for us. Yeah, and then when he gets home from work, that's the time where I put it away, which is when you guys are all wanting to you know, work or videos, and I'm like, I just want to spend time with the man. What happens when he gets home from work? Wow, we light a fire, which is so fun. I love lighting fires. You've always been good at lighting fires and must be we've had this yeah. Uh we was really busting her though. The last FaceTime he was like, and I can't do a Scottish accent either, so one of us needs to sign up to get really good at that. You can do it when I'm around him, but when I when I'm not. I like, yeah, I don't know what my net, but it's probably British. Let's try it. She's not doing a very good job and lighting the fire. I don't know what. I don't know what that is. I feel like I feel like we need like a queendom goes overseas, Queendom to the Kingdom. We do a wine down tour of that. Let's do it in England. Yes, to the Palace we go. Wait, guys, i'd be really fun. We need to do so are you listening? We need to do We need your money? This is getting right? Um? We should. That would be so fun because there's so many tree Hiller fans in England. Yeah, I don't like it. On the check Jackie, there's a little chat that happens when we record, and sometimes I ignored the chat because I think we're getting in trouble. First good thing. That would be so much fun, though, we should do it. That'd be really fun and then we can just have fun. Yeah, well, you guys eventually meet him, right, but I'm saying like, let's go a step so we can meet him. Well, this next podcast, that would be so much fun. It would be super super fun for one of us. Okay, it really actually would be fun for all of us. Also, I've never been so you've never been were in any of the any of these? Have you ever ever seen? Yeah? Yeah, we never is that overseas. I haven't been anywhere like that. You've never been to Europe. I never had it until you were supposed to, and her passport was still working on that. I never goot it for new We need to work on your passport it yet. Okay, let's edit that out because we need my heart to favor, don't to be ready to go? Yeah, yeah, no, you gotta because you never know. I'm doing it right now and my family actually dating someone in London exactly expedite. It's on the calendar. Speaking of um traveling, we have a real estate agent coming on the show, not a travel agent, not a travel agent, but she going with con She has a million dollar listing, so you know, if you want to she's also adorable, she's she's a badass. Yeah, but now she's she's on a million million dollar listing l A. It's on Bravo. So it's like, you know, traveling, if you want to go to l A, I got to go buy a million dollar listening in l A. No, I'd like to sell my house. That's for sale. My house is for say all everyone dmzu've for dress. Um No, I'm I'm I'm building a new house and I'm really excited and I have to go. It's it's now officially ago and I can officially I can officially officially say now that I am officially actually, um, this is exciting. We'll have to sell my house. You're going to sell your house, but God's just making sure that you don't have to go live somewhere else in between, right. I like it, but I'm really excited. It was last September where I texted Nick, Catherine's husband, and I was just like, I need to I need to get out of here. It was I started to like see things from like because I built this house with Mike, you know, and so I just I just want new memories, fresh beginnings and uh so, but I also, you know, obviously talked to the kids and I was like, hey, you know, we're still going to be very close, like even closer to Pam in Harlem and everybody. So uh and we found a lot that is very private and it just feels really good and so yeah, so I've I've been kind of quiet about it, so much so that you didn't even know I was. My house was up for sale. That quendom chat guys sterical, we can revisit it, let's do it, Okay, okay, okay. So I follow Nick consocials and all of a sudden, he's like private listing coming in in Tennessee, and I'm like, that's Creamer's house. So I copy it and send it in the queendom and I said, it looks like I might be behind, but does anybody else confused where they're going for the next one night because I don't think I have the correct address anymore. And then it got really good because Julie Solomon is hilarious, so funny, and then it just really spiraled out of control, like Janna leaving us out of everything, and I just really needed to like have a minute to process it myself, just because I'm so so there's just like one step between like yourself. And then it go into socials that we get just little lippy loppy. Well, I didn't even think about it, like Nick, everybody didn't care. I knew you weren't going far right, but I was like, well this is I loved it. The funniest part of it, I think Catherine barely knew too. I mean I really truly. I just texted Nick and was just like I would like to start talking about I just I just and then cleaned your house and how to film crew and then yea and had people come and I was like, let's put it up there and then and because I was just I just I'm craving that new lightness and that energy and specially think it's important you didn't run. Yeah, like you made peace with the space and now it's time. Yeah, and it's gonna be great. It's time to you know, start the next chapter and seasons of change. The funniest part of those like in Queendom, were very intimate with each other, Like we we talked about a lot of really personal details, and so we were all just dying because I was like, I know, when this chick has a hangnail, and I don't know when she's listening her home, I don't know, but I'm excited. But I think it was just Also it was even when I put my house up for sale and I started the contract on the building a new place, I was still because I have that mentality and like how am I going to afford this? Or how am I gonna? Like that scarcity mindset. So it's still very scary, but that's where I'm just kind of like, you know what God will provide and it's going to be great and it's going to be a beautiful home for the kids. And the kids have been really involved, like I said, all right, Julie, what do you want for your room? How do you guys? And so they they're so excited about it. That makes me happy, and yeah, it's just I'm like, all right, this feels really good. And I've you know, with the acre that we talked about doing UM and therapies, I'm going to be very mindful of who I let into my new space and my new energy. And that's that was a huge piece of the work that I've done with my our therapist to be like, all right, because I've let people in here that have I didn't have the energy and that I feel like it taints your space and I don't. I don't. I want to be very mindful of who comes in the house. Um, is there some guru or something all of us can go to, because I feel like, I do pretty well battling this scarcity mindset. Preston as a preacher's kid, so we really go through this a lot in our marriage. He has a scarcity mindset, Like I want us to all go do something where we like take the block away? What is I mean? I listened to the secret and that's always helpful to me. And Steve Harvey said a really good motivational speech. He still like he said it to be um six. He's like, you have to get uncomfortable. He's like, to be successful, you've got to get uncomfortable comfort. Yeah, and so it's like, Okay, I am stretching myself with this new place, but I am I'm gonna I'm gonna be able to provide and I have to believe that. And I have to get uncomfortable to be comfortable. And that was something that I love that he said. But yeah, I would love of that. We should we should find some rocks in a river. I don't know. I've thrown a lot of rocks and the rivers I've got to throw, So I'm tired of throwing rocks and rivers. Like I just want to be like I'm just I'm saying this is season to just be happy. It's just like we just talked about this. Yeah, I don't even know about that talk. Yeah that's a sign. But I was like, how about we just trying to just be joyful this year? Joyful? And that has been my word? Really, Yes, I love that word. That's that's my word. Not even just happy, like what's happy? You know whatever. Joyful It's such a good one. Yeah, like why not? Life's too short? Oh, life is way too short, and you're just choosing joy. And I think mine too, is like just kindness, like just choosing Yeah. Also just assume great things out of people and move along. Yeah, and just be kind. I know we talked about that million times, but yeah, I love the joyful. Its just that's a great one. Just yeah, speaking of joyful, wind down makes me joyful. And when we're on the road, I get extra joy and we are we are. We're going to New York in February and Boston. I've never been to Boston. You guys. It's beautiful and it's like fun. Everyone I meet from Boston I'm obsessed with. It's so much fun. I'm excited. I love Boston. Boston is great and New York is going to be awesome too. So, um, in February, if you guys are listening, wind Down is going to the City Wineries second Night or the first second night or we sold that in Boston. We added another one than New York. So we'll see you guys there. It's gonna be really fun. But um, all right, let's take a break and let's get Tracy Tutor on. Hi guys, Hi so much Hi. Hi. Okay, So you're I've always tried to um figure out the difference between a broker and an age. Her her husband's a real estate agent, so she was just kind of like filling us in, but you are the she no more. Yeah, but now I mean truth that we call ourselves brokers just but the broker is like the company where you had in your license as a real estate agent. You can get your broker's license, but I never did that. Twenty seven years later, I was like, what's the point, because you're do I really want to I don't want to open my own brokerage. So there's that. And then your dad was really into the you know, the architecture side of things. Is that kind of what got you into the career that you're in now. Oh no, I mean my dad is a builder, and my ex husband's a residential builder. My sister is an interior designer. My sister and laws an interior designer. So yeah, at some level it was in all in the family. But yeah, my dad is like infrastructure, so bridges, tunnels, casinos, hotels, like much more on a massive scale. Yeah, I love that. Are you do you enjoy filming the show? I mean, is it something where you're just like to be able to do what you love and then also kind of get the other side of, you know, being in front of the camera and having that that life too. I think yeah, I think because I grew up I went to theater school, So I started, you know, very young, wanting to be an actress, and I was dancing and singing, and I wanted to go to New York and be in theater and be on the stage. And when I graduated from SC theater school, I was like, you know, waiting tables and trying to go on auditions. But I never really fit into that box of like I wasn't like the hot girl or the funny girl. And it was really tough back in the day. I mean this was like nineteen nine, late nineties, and it was very it was very particular about you know, what people were looking for in terms of like a leading lady. And I was like, I just don't want to wake up and be bartending or or be still trying to get that gig. I wanted financial independence. And so I remember a friend of mine it sat me down and was like, why do we do real estate? Um? And she was also an actress, And I said, well, I guess you know it's not rocket science, right, Like I know how to sell. I could sell myself. I could probably sell houses. And so I studied to get my real estate license and I was probably twenty four at the time, and that's when I started my career as Okay, so I'm selling my house right now, and I'm I'm building a new house, and is there something that sellers do that you would recommend, Like is there something that I should that I should do differently, or something that you said, like it was something that's um like that sellers are doing that isn't good or whatever that you should be a little insight to help sell my house. I guess for sure. I mean I think the first thing I do when I'm walking through a house, is I look at the front, right, because curb appeal is like the first thing that every a body sees. And oftentimes, like you know, you'll remodel your house and you'll clean up the inside, but when you're pulling up and you see the front of the house and the architecture and the landscape, that's the first bit of where a buyer decides, Oh, I'm like intrigued. So whether that's like planting a little bit of some fresh flowers or upgrading your landscaping a little bit, I think herb appeals like by far one of the most important things that a celler has to consider spending a little bit of money on before coming to market. And then um on the inside of the house, I always say, a fresh code of paint. You know, everybody has different tastes, but I think you know, in a market like now, particularly this type of market, you want to appeal to as many people as possible, and we all have. I mean, look at the art behind me. This is not appeal to everybody, but it's about thinking about, you know, how can I make this I hate to say it, but as vanilla as I can, so that I can sort of appeal to the masses, because you know, there are very few people that have a gift and that talent of being able to pull a house together and it's you know, all the way right, Like they can furnish it well, but then they won't spend money on the accessories and the books at the end, which you know, to do a house property properly, it has to be like layered, it has to have all these different elements that sort of finish it off. And I think there's very few people that have the gift of knowing how to do that. So I'll go into a seller's house and no, say, okay, let's talk about like what what we really want to spend here to get the house ready for sale, or what what kind of budget do we have so that we can capitalize on your profit on the back end. And if they don't have a ton of money to do that, then I just simplify. I'll say, okay, so let's get rid of the chass personal family photos. We don't like a lot of knickknacks, clear the counters um. You almost want people to be able to walk into the house and imagine themselves living in it, not looking at like, oh, well, she's got a family of three. They're super cute. They seem to like, you know, this particular type of style. You want to be able to imagine themselves in it. And I think the more simplistic the houses on the interior, the more that it will appeal to the masses and hopefully drive up the price. So my entire family wall on this area I should probably take down. So as long as if you have a family wall in the hallway. I had the same thing in my old house, and I went, well, this is going to be a bit yeah. I mean it's like there's it's it's my entire top thing. I've got all these pictures of me and the kids. Well, I had the same thing, and I opted not to take it down. But you know, people walk by that that hallway and they're like, look at this darling family now right, you know, as long as it's tasteful, I guess right, you think though that people because like my fear is like people coming there, it's like, oh, this is like the divorce, like they got divorced in the house or whatever, Like is there like a death. It's like it's like second and I know it's not like a death. But I'm saying, like, is it, like, you know, is that is that going to be something that's like a negative for the house. There's some pretty there's some pretty interesting buyers out there, Like, you know, obviously, I don't think I think divorce is like fifty of the reason people sell their homes. Yeah, But on the flip side, you know, you also have you know, families that are selling for different reasons, and I think divorce is a little bit less concerning death. On the other hand, is can be a problem for people, you know, even if it's by natural causes. It's like, you know, I bought a house back like when I graduated from college. It was like my bachelorette pad in the Hollywood Hills. And after I bought it had a heart shaped pool. It was so fun and um, the neighbor that had there for like forty years came over and introduced himself and then proceeded to tell me that like thirty years prior, an entire family had been murdered in the house, And I was it was too late. Did you feel that already though, Like was there something or You're like no, it was good because I don't think it always has to feel that way. No, I didn't have that weird energy. I mean again, you know how some people just have that gift of going I you know, I steal the energy in here. I'm not really that person. My husband, I mean. And we walked into a home and I knew this is actually hilarious. I knew someone he hadn't died in the house, but the reason they were selling because the husband had passed away and he was a younger husband. And we walked in and I was like, what do you think? And He's like, energy is often here. I don't know. It just seems kind of dark. And I'm like, oh man, I felt bad, but you couldn't kind of tell. But it was a beautiful home, but there was just kind of like this gloomy and like some people have that that the ability to sort of feel that type of energy. I've never been that person, but I've had clients that are very much like that. Like We've gotten to the front door and turned around and walked out. So is there do you have to disclose any of that? Like legally do you have to say like if someone different states, different states have different laws. I think in in California, in three years. Um, if it's there's been a death in the home in the last three years, meaning the person would have had to die in the home. Okay, yeah, okay, Well let's just change the topic because it matters to me. Like, we bought new construction because I thought, I love the creakiness of older homes and the character and all the things. And my husband's like, nope, somebody died in here. I'm like, okay, we'll come on now. So we bought new construction because of that. And I was like, I was wondering if somebody could like legally have to tell us if that is something. I yeah, I don't think I could. I love the process of the building. I don't know. I just there's something about building. It's it's it's kind of stressful doing its single right now because well, I mean, you know, like by myself, but because my builder he's like, well, where would you like this outlet? I'm like, I'm a single mom. I don't know where to put the I was like, I need you to be like my husband right now. I need you to pretend to be my husband in this house. This is going to be a real intuitive placed home. It's going to be great, so like I just did it myself, but I bought like a nine twenties Spanish I actually bought it on the show from Josh Flag last season and then spent the last year remodeling it sort of top to bottom with my ex husband, who I was like, hey, like your mine, Can I use you as a resource Because it's been five years, I think we've moved past the divorced thing. We're co parenting, like could we work together again? And we actually got through it, And honestly, I don't think I could have picked where the plugs got. Like certain things that I'm very good at in terms of like design and spatial awareness and all, and then there's certain things I'm like, I that electrical, I have no idea, Like I'm not handy like that. How long did it take for your co parenting to or to be able to be on the other side, Uh, we've always co parented relatively well, we've been divorced now for about five years, I would say true like repair of our friendship and you know we were together for married for fourteen big together for almost eighteen years, so like most of my adult life. UM, I would say it took the better part of the last four years. So only in this last year and a half have we gotten to a place where I I feel like we're friends again, you know, like we laugh, you know, we have we get a kick out of each other. Like he's known me since I was twenty four years old. So is he dating for that? Yeah, he's actually married. He got married this year to a lovely girl and they're happy. And I'm I mean, I'm happy for them. And then how long have you been with your boyfriend? We're almost three years, okay? And are you are you wanting to do the remarriage and all that stuff? I mean, wow, guys, And it's like I thought that we were talking about real estate. It's like, am for this conversation? No, Um, you know I would get married again. I don't feel like that pressure to Like there's something sort of freeing about living for the moment that you're in and living for the day, which when you're married, it's like, you know, the idea of till death do you part, right, that's a very scary commitment these days. Like I think even my girls are like says who like my daughter seventeen, and she sent me a text the other day of her something that she had written in kindergarten, which I actually remembered, about who she wanted to be and what she wanted to do when she grown up. Was grown up, and she said, I want to have a boat that can take me to Arizona, and I'm going to be an actress and I'll be out American idol. But I will not be married, and I will absolutely not have kids, and my name will be Juliette and my boy name already is Juliette. So but I but I think like the younger generation, particularly young girls, have a little bit of a different perception than perhaps what we all grew up with in terms of the way they look at traditional relationships. And and I don't think that it has to be till death do you part anymore. I think even obviously we have all found out that marriage isn't always until death do you part? So why can't it just be tell we're not happy and thriving in the way that we need to let anyone. I also don't think there's a pressure to get married as young anymore, like I think our generation, I think we're all around the same age ish, but like it was always like I know, in my tiny town, it was like prom engagement babies, and they all thought when I got divorced at like thirty two and didn't have kids, They're like, well, she can she can't even have babies, like you know, how would she ever? And then when I remarried and had kids and later, you know, so I feel like it's kind of wonderful that they don't feel the pressure to like have to find someone in their twenties. Well you look at I look at some of my girlfriends that that never got married, and one of them adopted at forty five, one just recently at forty Uh, how a sur get involved? Like there's so many different ways to maybe skin the cats, not to write around, but but I do I feel like, you know, they're lucky to have the those kinds of options, you know, as beautiful as tradition is, and I appreciate the sentiment of till death do you part. If you can make it and it's beautiful and it's everlasting, then that's a wonderful thing. But I don't think that we need to live in that space because there's there's just disappointment that it's attached to that that I don't think we need to operate from I think if we operate from a place of you know, while we're happy, um, I think we're a lot more likely to be in more long term like healthy relationships. Yeah. I also think to the misconception is a lot of times for me too. I know, I know that I was putting my happiness in the where my status in the relationship was or how um you know, if we weren't good, then I'm not Then then I'm miserable and I'm not happy. It's like, um, I really thought that or I it was I based my happiness on the relationship and or him making me happy, and it's like he can't. I have to be the one to make myself happy. And so I think that was a big thing to to realize. I'm like, you know, I'm like and it's like, even in a new relationship, I'm like, you don't make me happy. You contribute to my happiness, but you can't make me happy you And that's not even that's never going to be your job. Like you can contribute to it, but you're not going to be the sole person of like you are my happiness. It's such a cycle break because I don't know how long have you been apart from your ex husband, but two years it's such like a cycle break to go through that piece of it, because I think that's just that's like nature virtus nurture, right, Like, this is how we grew up. Like we can intellectualize that, we can talk about it on podcasts, and we do. I do all the time about breaking that cycle of of needing to feel the happiness within the relationship. But the truth is, obviously only we can give that to ourselves. But even now, like even when I have a disagreement with my boyfriend, like I'm so tied to the people that I love that they affect me greatly. They affect my mood, they affect how I how I operate, how I function, and I have had to learn how to compartmentalize that so that I could move throughout my day. And sometimes I think by compartmentalizing it, it's kind of brought me back to myself. I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna put that away for right now because I have work to do. I have my kids to deal with, or I need to, you know, work on my relationship with my boyfriend or whatever it is. But I can't take it on all at once. And I think like as a working mom, particularly a single mom, and I'm sure you relate to this and starting new relationships. It's like you kind of put everything in like boxes and you're like, Okay, that's how I tack you know, like the ultimate question of how do we balance it all? It's like that question is like how do I answer that? I just I just get through it, yeah, you know, and we're just trying that. We were having that conversation because my boyfriend right now lives um in England, and so I'm like, you know, it's like, well, we're trying not to go more than three weeks about seeing each other. And it's like the steps like Okay, I can just focus on today because if I start going because I'm like, well, then I'm filming a movie in April and then I'm gonna be doing this, and then I'm like and then it's just becomes this like that's not that's not taking away my happiness and my joy for the situation that I'm in. Right, So it's like just focusing on and like you said, like in a way putting putting those months in different boxes and right now just focusing on like today and the joy that it's bringing. You know, I think that's such a big part two of coming out of a marriage, Like when you've been dependent on that one person for so many years of your life and and then all of a sudden there's this massive adjustment, and then you're kind of like, Okay, now what um you know, I don't want to say fate, but there's a reason you're dating someone on the other side of the pond, Like that's that's like what you're meant to be doing right now, probably to teach you all the same things that I've learned over the last five years, you know, by falling over and kind of getting back up again. It's like you know that that was put in front of you because it's a lesson that obviously is going to be a gift for you down the road one way or the other. Right is gone. It's gonna be the greatest gift or the greatest lesson, right. That's how That's how I was looking at It's like it will be the greatest gift or the greatest lesson. Right way to look at it. I was going to ask a show question. Please, I know I'm sorry, I like, I like to you know, get both things. I like, I actually had one more thing on marriage, but I was like, I was not going to do that because it's probably like, what am I doing? What show? Is that? Okay? So in fourteen? This is season fourteen, right, Yeah, I mean that's that's a really long TV career. First of all, I mean I've been on the show for five years, but there's you know, Flag has been on since you're what I mean, you blew up on a TV show, and it's also huge to be on for five Is this the first time you bought a property on the show? Yeah? Actually I sold my property after my divorce because I signed up for this show and then, you know, as one does on the reality show, I got divorced after my first season. It really is um I sold my first house on the show, and then I bought I bought the house that I'm currently in and you know, been renovating it for the last year. But I think being on this show is this year has been a lot of fun. I mean, very different from years past because it used to be six of us. I mean again, I've only been I've been the only woman on the show, but the other five people were men, So they've narrowed down the cast to just three of us now, which I think allows for a little bit more of like a personal relationship with the audience that's been watching the show for this long. With all these other I guess real estate shows that are out there now that are obviously um more drama focused with sort of the real estate as a background, will always keep the real estate in the foreground. But they've been watching us for this many years. They want to know, like, what's going on in your relationship, how are your kids? You know, like those are things that we haven't tapped into in the past, so they we really went there this season, and we filmed for eleven months, so it was a lot of a lot of hours. Yeah, And I do like that about the show, that it isn't drama focused, because like a lot of those other ones, I hope we don't ever have anybody else come on, but we have. I have one, actually, and it's great. It serves its purpose and it's great. But I do like I loved I love real estate, and I love to see and some of them I'm putting on me is what I was going to say, Like I'm here to watch what I'm I want to see the proper ease. I want to see the transformations. Do we get to see your renovation? Yeah, I mean you definitely see the inside of the house, um quite a bit because we film her all the time and I do some stuff on on Bravo TV dot com where I do some house tours and things of that nature. So that makes it a little fun because obviously people saw the house before, um, and so it's it's it's a very very different house now. Um. Probably the most year old thing I could say that I live for a good renovation. It was a fun. It was a really fun project to do it with my ex husband and then my boyfriend's here and everybody has opinions and we're like one big dysfunctional family. Um, it was. It was a roller coaster. Um. We're starting phase two and I'm doing my guesthouse now, um, which I swear to God will never end. But um, it's been it's been fun shooting in the house this season and kind of letting the viewers in a little bit more and and so it seems like i'vebody's enjoying the new format, which is, like I said, has been a little bit more personal, and I think that's great to be able to peel back the layers too. It's like you're still keeping the core of what the show is, but you're you're peeling back a layer. And I think that's really nice to give people that that look inside, because that's people. People want to see that, and they want to see, you know, what you're going through on the days that you're selling a house or looking you know, it's like people people want to feel that closeness to you. So we think of the questions we've already talked to you about, Tracy. I mean, I've already you know, I've been selling real estate for twenty four years and so I know what I'm doing and it was very easy for me to talk about, you know, ten thirty one exchanges. And like I said, our show is very different from some of the more entertaining real estate shows that are a little more drama and fused. But we definitely have some drops, like some of the drama that is coming later in the season. You know, it's it's a lot eight tune because it just I think it's building and you know, I remember we signed on with a new producer and she was like, listen, it's going to be a little different this year. And I'm like, but how different? Like you guys have been saying that for a long time, and I really think Bravo said go for it. So um, I think as as it's sort of keeps going from episode to episode, um, we'll have a little bit more fun with it, and you'll definitely see a breakdown and communication between the three of us. Definitely some arguments that are very real. Um, you know, not a lot of acting going on here, just just showing up lises and a lot of life lessons. So it was Its been a fun It's been a fun time. Well, thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for peeling back a layer with us, and I'm excited to see what's to come on the show. Thank you, Thanks guys, thanks for having thanks. Appreciate by. I appreciate you to thank you. Bye. I love it when people can open up and you back. It's fun to me. Yeah, I was like enough about this, but yeah, I don't know, I just I just think it's I mean, I personally love to and I know that some people do not like that about me, but I don't want to just know your favorite color is. I wanted to know what your childhood traumas are. Love that you ever are not an actress or an entertainment you have such a career ahead of you, like an interrogation officer. Like there'll be times where I'm like, actually, like I'm doing fine, and she's getting here and she's like how are you? And I'm like she's doing good, and she's like, man, you're crying feminutes, how are you? I'm actually right. My favorite is when she first meets someone and it's like she just goes right and I'm like, here we go, buckle up. But I had to be I had to be careful of that with So I did that differently this go around with dating, because my therapist is like, don't give them too much. I don't give them all of yourself, right, But I also when I go so like, so, what age were you with child traumas of this, that and the other, and it's like that that's a lot. That's a lot for somebody, especially a dude. So um, I had to kind of lean into those kind of conversations and like because some people aren't going to be as open about things and whatever. But I do. I do. I love it. I like it a lot. I love too. It's good to go slow because then you're like, I feel like if you know too much too soon, you might be like pre judging responses or waiting for certain things to be a certain way because of what you know. Well, I just just listen. If you're gonna sit next to me on a plane, I'm going to ask you about like generally end up on a podcast. Chances are you well because if you give them mouse a cookie, he's gonna ask for milk. Ask this mouse for peanuts, because you'll end up on our podcast. Who was the person you met? A Sarah Gretzky? So I got her Christmas card? And okay, I I send Christmas cards out and people will send me Christmas cards, but I don't read them like some people will send like the whole thing. I don't read it. I read. I read like literally hers and PAMs. So I read PAMs and then everyone else. I just put it on this like my little tree or whatever. And I was I was like, oh, Sarah, and but and for some reason I flipped the back of it because it was just you know, it was opening. There was like a pile of them and it said baby. Because I was like, and I immediately facetimeed her and my jaw was just on the floor and she was like, that's that was her announcement to people, was the Christmas card and she'll figure out who's diligent and that's and that's exactly what she go Sarah, I almost didn't read the car, and she goes, it's so funny. She's like, because there's been people that we've sent it to and like, oh, did you get the car. I'm like, yeah, it's great and they don't uncomfortable but anyways, yeah, so um, I love you guys. See you next week.

Whine Down with Jana Kramer

At the end of a long day, nothing is better than winding down and decompressing with a good friend,  
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