Wind Down with Jane Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. So we're not in the same location today, Um, welcome to wind Down. I am in England, Katherine Christen, where are you guys at Nashville? Nashville? Not in my closet this time. Last time I talked to you remotely, I was in an empty closet, just an empty background. But I'm at home. This feels very weird that we're like this. I'm such a snugger that I have withdrawals when you guys are not in the same room as me. So I'm like, this is fine, Like I'll do it, but I need to like hold you. Yeah, no, this is this is This is like a you know, an update when we start and then we'll update after. Like I need an update on your life, Like what's going on in your life? Janna. I haven't seen you forever talk to us, Karmen san Diego because left in England and I don't have you talked to you since before then, So like, give me something, what's up with your life? Give me something? Um, so I'm I'm back over in England. Um, yeah, I had the had the weekend off and what do you want to know? So she has a a gentleman friend in England. For the people that are listening that missed an episode, and it went so well the first time our little jet setters back international time out. Did you guys see the instagram that I put? That's next we'll talk about in a second. Let's just year in Scotland. Know, I'm in England right now. I went to Scotland for two days because he had two off days. So, um, what did you do in Scotland? Want to share? Went and saw this beautiful cathedral it was so pretty. Visited a few people and uh, saw like this really cool It's called like Necropolis or something, but these like old cemetery grave sites from way back into the hundreds. I mean, it was just it was so cool. Um, it's you know, it's so strange though it is. The last time I was in Scotland, it was with my ex and we were it was from my best friend's wedding, one of my best friend's wedding amy and it was just you know, like you have those moments where you're like never in a million years getting out of that rental car of you know, my ex trying to drive in Scotland did I think. Oh, in let's see how in four years I'm going to be here with my boyfriend? Right? Can we go back to that? I'm so sorry with the most you've been to Scotland before. But boyfriend, is this why we have a uh picture? Yeah, that hand holding official. I can appreciate the protection that we have given this gentleman as he is dapper and sweet and goodhearted. He's a national treasure over there, he's a sweetheart. And yeah, nos, yeah, I I am. I am not single, so and it is one that official. Yes, I mean, she hadn't even like hesitate with my boyfriend. But isn't that weird though? Like have you ever had those moments? I mean, I'm sure like in situations where you're like, I'm like, it's just so funny how the life in the world works. It's like I never would have I mean to be back in that spot and and and it's like or like you know, four years ago to be like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna be here again with you know, I'm gonna be divorced and and then I'm gonna come back here with a boyfriend who grew up here. Yeah, it's just like I don't know I had just like that moment driving like this is this is very It's interesting how the world works. I think it's important for people to hear that because I've gotten a lot of um. I get a lot of your people that reach out asking me about like, you know, because we've talked about divorce and stuff and then and I always tell them I'm like, you have to, especially because I've been really passionate about this little movement I made about one more minute with battling depression, and I'm like, you just don't even know all the goodness that is coming to you, like those dark times you could I mean you, guys, I sat on the floor in an apartment in Kansas City and I thought about ending my life and on the other side of those minutes was two babies and a husband and love again and and and a lot of bs two. I'll be honest, Like, our industry is hard, and it's hard to be married in our industry, but it's also like there is so much Like when you say, I get out of a rental car with my boyfriend who was born in Scotlan, like because you can never you just don't know. And that's like the fun scavenger hunt of the way our life works. No, but it's true though, And I think, like, I mean, we've all been in those moments and shoot, like however many you know to two and a half years ago, Like I'm on the ground, like crying my my eyes out, and like I don't think anyone's gonna ever love me. And I'm you know, who who would want to be with me? And I'm um, you know I'm never gonna find love again. I'm unlovable. And it's like I think, you know the lesson and all of this is like that's just not true, Like you will find love again. And and this my I don't know if this is my forever person. I've got some things that maybe one day I'll share if it comes to fruition. But like you know, it's like I'm gonna just I'm not going to push away love just because I've been hurt before. I'm gonna embrace it. I'm gonna have fun. I'm gonna and if it doesn't work out, well, you know what, I'm gonna learn a lot of lessons. And I had a lot of fun on the way. So's noting to Creamer that you were like for a long time you were like, no, way would I do international boyfriend. No. I think it's worth noting that at some point maybe our own rules are what stand in the way of us meeting and enjoying another human being, like the person that you have now as a boyfriend. I just want to keep saying it, um because once you decided to, like, let that hurdle not be a hurdle. Look at you, You're glowing England, I know. I mean it's truly. I mean I you know, even like when I was on that app, I was like, no, they live in a different country, like no, no, no, And you know, even with him, I said no, Like I was just like no, I just like this is this is silly. I'm a mom with two kids and I live in Nashville, Like this, how would this even work? And something about him just you know, I was like, Okay, well let me just see you know, like what what does a conversation hurt? Right? And you know, now there's something well I don't want to say too much, but I it just this just feels different. And again, if it doesn't work out, and I hate to say that, but I just I'm realistic to the point where um, I want people to know that no matter what, like you will be okay and you won't be alone you and and to let love in whether you end up getting hurt or it's here forever. I think that's like something that I've really realized because again I was so just like I'm not I'm never going to be loved. I mean even you know our friends that have gone through, like we've all felt that way, like we're unlovable and we're never going to find love. And once I found peace within myself and not like having to have that, it's kind of found me. Well, I think you also believe that no matter what happens with this relationship and correct me if I'm wrong, that you're okay, yeah, oh yeah, fine to be fine. You're going to And that's just so different for you, you know what I mean, And like you took a lot of work for you to get there, to truly believe that, And I think, in my personal opinion, I think that's what made it so easy for you to jump in, because you actually believe that this time that and this one's different, Like I'm not like I would pull so many tactics to like try to push someone away because I didn't. It's it's almost like I almost didn't believe that I deserved it. And also like I just knew they would leave so or they would end up lying or or doing something and so but I'm I'm just who I am in this relationship is who I've always wanted to be and what I've always like. I always said, like I have a lot of love to give, and I I like, I like, I want to give my love to this and it has a safe place to land this time. Yeah, and the Hairways is so happy to have you. Well that's the thing. I'm kind of like, okay, my, in my back of my mind, I mean, people are like or you know, like how would this ever work? And I'm like, I don't know And I'm not even like putting stress on it because it's just I'm just enjoying where it's at right now and I'm enjoying feeling this way. And why I'm out here so soon is because we're trying not to go more than three weeks that's seeing each other. So um, yes, it was a week later I flew out here, but only because I can't come back for because you know, weekends and Joel's you know, there's things that I couldn't rearranged, and right now he's with his job, he can't come, so, um, you know, I'll have to do more of like the bulk of the flying and then for the next few months. But I'm excited about it, and um, you know in three weeks hopefully I'll be back and yeah, bring him to us. When does he come to us? Yeah, that's my next question. I feel like you're keeping him over the pond. Bring him to meet him? Um, yeah, I mean it just depends, like with work and stuff, you're just not giving too much, which I'm like really proud of. But then also the people want to know Cramer. I'm happy, and I think that's the that's the piece where I'm just like it just feels really nice and just yeah, I'm I'm just I don't want to put too much like pressure on it and I just want to enjoy enjoy it. Would you like to give your listeners any hints about this person or any information at all, like any um for this is an easter egg. For a long time ago, Mark had asked or had told me who he thinks I should end up with. What sport and he's right. Remember I wish Mark was here. Was good. We need Mark that was used so if you all want to go back, you can find it there. Good. I wish everyone could see the group chat that happens while we're doing because my heart l A is like, yeah, everyone's so sweet about it. Yeah Mark, Mark was like, I would really like to see you be with someone who X, Y and Z played the plas. Yeah. Now everyone exits this podcast and goes back to re listen. But yeah, very happy, Janna, thank you. I'm like, I'm yeah, So it's gonna be tough. I mean, I've never done long distance, but again I'm just enjoying being happy and it's all good, Like there's there's gonna be lessons learned along the way. I'll learned things out whether it works out or whether it doesn't. And um, I think that's the piece that I know either way, Like I'm okay. One thing I love, love, love about long distance, which I know is like the double edged sword. But in Preston, I did a lot of not seeing each other for a really long time until we saw so much of each other that we made a million babies. But the you have to have trust. You build a different level of trust with each other and a different level of intimacy and intention because you can't pick each other up for a date night. Yeah, and anything really cool about that. Yeah, I'll never get into a situation again where I can't trust someone because I do not like who I become. Um and so, but there's something again, something is just very different about this relationship that I have like zero worries or fear. So I'm just and if something was to happen again, I'm like, all right, like thanks for showing me who you are and I'm out, you know, so and again I'll find the lessons in it, so Cramer. So but I'll be how many few days and we'll be together next week and it'll be great. So and we'll go from there. But UM, bring him to us, Yeah, hopefully one day. But we have Dr lakey On. He's a plastic surgeon, you guys. But he wrote a book which I think is really cool, Um, basically about loving yourself. Because he's got m he's got some kids, and so I think that's going to be interesting. It's called Nobody Is the Same, a book about body positivity. So we're going to get him on Chris, and I know you've wanted some things in the plastic surgery area, um, which I think you're beautiful. You don't need anything, but I know how we all look at ourselves and your noses grow forever. That's all. I just need to talk to him about a little tiny touch up. Really do your nose and your ears? I think that's true in your face drinks. Oh that's when you get like when you see older people, it's because their face is shrunken him, but they're not like I didn't know, so maybe that's why the noses look bigger. I thought, you're we need to like, yeah, we need a doctor because this is all misinformation and some call the doctor. All right, let's get Dr Laky. He is part of the Beverly Hills Classic Surgeon Dr John Lakey, co founder of Beverly Hills Empty. Dr Lakey, how are you fantastic? Good morning? Good morning? Um, okay, I have well, we all have a lot of questions for you, but I want to talk about your book. But I first want to talk about can I we talk about the plastic surgery side of things first of course? Okay, so what do you specialize in for plastic surgeries. It is it all surgeries or UM's started off that way, trained in everything and operating from petatoe and then slowly found my dich So I'm really neck up my partner's neck own. So it just makes it easy a combination of both partners. It makes for a quick recovery. We'll see. Um Yeah, listen, I just found my my niche. I really enjoy operating face. I think it's very detailed and uh, there's a lot of artistry and finesse involved, and so I just tended to gravitate towards that. Have you found an increase of UM face classic surgery since filters have entered Instagram? Definitely? I mean I I think a thousand percent um The you know, now the interesting part, especially in Beverly Hills and we get all kinds of requests, but I have people who flying from all over the world asking to look like a particular filter. And I think that with the advent of social media, although it's amazing for extrapolating data and getting your information as quickly as possible, I think that our perceptions of what beauty is, um, you know, what a human should look like is is drastically changed. I think, you know, some of the concepts are still there. I mean, they'll will always be prevalent in society, but now some of the altered uh you know, facial features based off of a filter. You know, it's it's amazing to me, so um, you know, and that's ultimately where I started this, this kind of kind of this idea. I have three toddlers of my own, and so um, it's hard being a plastic surgeon and telling them, oh, listen, you know, you're beautiful the way you are, and as they grow, it will be more difficult, especially you know in teen years. I mean I think that, you know, our perception of our own self and our own self worth, our own self beauty can greatly influence our mental status. And so this is how depression and eating disorders and then anxiety, you know, image disturbances, body dysmorphia, all these things develop at a relatively young age. And I think that now watching young teens and preteens stare at their phones incessantly, um, I think we're gonna be in for for some trouble. So then are you for having conflict kind of then in yourself with what you do and then and then being in the position obviously as a dad and everything else. You know, the interesting part. I'm definitely not working myself out of a career. That's you know. I think there's always a place for even cosmetic surgery. Definitely reconstructive curcuity, but there's definitely a place for cosmetic surgery. I think that if you're comfortable in your own skin, and you have tried to do something to better yourself, and there's one thing that bothers you, and and everybody has. I mean, we have supermodels that come in and say this really bothers me, and you'll stare at and then think I don't and understand. But you know, everybody has that within themselves. And um, you know, for the sixteen year old that's getting bullied because you know, her nose is cricket or too large, or um, you know, for the the boy who's trying to play sports you can't breathe or you know. I think that there's always going to be a place for a plastic reconstructive surgery. UM. I just think that the trends are going so far off the track that you know it frankly, you know, I think some of it is becoming ridiculous. Well, I'll, I mean, I'll call myself out where you know. I remember I was I was waitressing justin Los Angeles. I was nineteen years old and I was waitressing at this um. I was doing like this red bull thing at this plastic surgeon's house, and I said, if there's one thing you could do to my face, what would you do? And he goes your nose. And ever since then, I've been so self conscious of my nose. Even so Katherine's at the top, there's also my managers. I'm always like, oh no, I hate that picture. My nose looks big, and my nose looks big, and so since these filters, I'm like, I have this one and I go, oh wow, I like my nose better in this filter, and so it's hard for me. But I'm like, but that's so awful that I'm like wanting to use this filter because I like the way my nose looks better in it. But then when I turn it off the filter, I'm like, oh, and then I don't like myself, and then I'm then I'm just like I throw my phone because I'm like, this is I get like insecure, and I'm like this is ridiculous, yes, which you know and listen, we can't take a step back and say, you know, that's obviously ridiculous. You're gorgeous. The thing is even with you know, when you look at the Halley berries, when you look at the Jennifer Iniston's where they have subtle fine uh you know, will say refinements. Um, I don't know that that is necessarily as bad as you know, trying to create a tap filter or a you know, the pinched tip. You know where it's clearly not it looks like more of an avatar that it does a human. Um. Again, I think what I enjoy doing is those subtle refinements, making them look as though you were born with them. And these aren't things. Again, we all obsessed about tiny little things. It doesn't mean you don't love yourself, but there are certain instances where you know you want to improve something, and that's where you know there is that conflict where you know, I start off by saying, listen, and this is the base. You have to love yourself first for who you are. Then you choose to change something. That's completely fine. If it's to the point where your reclusive because someone has commented or bullied or you know, made reference to something that you thought was normal until someone brought it up. It's a different ball game. And I think that as a society as a whole, you know, if we approach there wouldn't be such animosity, would be such a divide, There wouldn't, you know, be such stratification if everybody was as accepting. It doesn't mean you can't change something about yourself. I mean, because that's more of a personal decision. It's not that society is making. Yeah, I mean, I got a blue job the last year and it was one of the best things. I love it. Like, I'm just like, this is It's not that I didn't like my body. It is just but now I'm like, I'm more confident and definitely you fill out clothing you it's a complete different mentality. So again, there's nothing wrong with that. That's never what I'm going to say because that's the job. But I do think that if it was that someone had told you, look, you know, you're pretty, but if you really were a sea cup or higher, you'd be a lot prettier. The idea is, you know, again, when we focus on something that we want to improve, in ourselves full different ball game with society is pressured, right, I mean, Kristen, you kind of um talked about wanting to do things and what if love comes to you and says like, I know when Julie she asked me, I'm obviously like, hey, when you're older and those are those are your choices. But I mean, is that like, how would you like where's your stance on that? Well? This is what's tricky for me because I've always it's interesting that he talks about I just really, first of all, I really enjoy your perspective on this a lot because it is about loving yourself first. And I just turned forty one a couple of days ago. I really like, thank you, capricordination. I really really I love myself. I think I'm a wonderful human. Took a lot of work, um to say that. But I have always wanted my nose done. I can't even tell you. I would say that it stems from here's a quick funny story. My mom had a dream when she was pregnant with me that she gave birth to a nose. And that is because my mom and my dad have these like huge noses. When my dad passed a year ago and I have since gone like, well, gosh, if I changed too much about my face, then he's, you know, like part of that is so it's your lineage too. And recently went over to London into France and we have some French in us too, and I thought, well, man, that's what makes us us. You know. I feel like we're such a copy paste society here that it sometimes makes me sad because we're losing all these really beautiful, ethnic, wonderful parts of our lineage by the way we're changing all that to say, I do get injections. I love botox. I can't get enough. Um amen, sister, I mean nothing. A lip never hurt anybody. Listen, there's nothing wrong with slowing down the aging process. And you know the funny part is my specialty is really brand and plastic facelik. So this is all I do all the long. The idea is this that, um, you know, obviously, when we look at someone are our brain takes the better half and naturally replicates it. And that's why the common phrase they look better in person. Most people hate themselves and photos because it doesn't do that. When you look at the nose it's a secondary characteristic, believe it or not. And that's why when you wear a mask, all your friends and family know exactly who you are because they see this. Um you know, and as a society, I think that will always be prevalent. U making minor changes does not change your ethnicity, does not change your personality. That it may give you some more confidence and undeniably there's no reason for it. But UM, I think the when we start as a whole and say, look, you're fine if you do, you're fine if you don't, that's a different ball game. I think right now society is saying this is what has beautiful. Uh, put this filter on to make yourself more beautiful. And that's where we're kind of, you know again, running off that track. And uh, I will never ever say if there's anything wrong with if you say, look, I just want to change my nose a little bit or do by all means, that's that is what I do. That's my job. But the when I look at some of these little kids, and even I see five or six year olds, they point things out and say, why, you know, why is that person like that or why you know? I think teaching them early that we're all different, we're all unique, and we're all special, we're all beautiful. Uh. It gives you that confidence. So then when we get into our teenage years, no one is really You don't see that group off in the corner that doesn't talk to anyone because they're you know, they've been shamed so much that they can't express their feelings or personality. Um, you know, we have less mental health issues, I believe as a result of that. And so once we can make it past those teen years, you know, the world's royster. You can now it's a different mentality, and so you know, you can change anything about yourself. It's for yourself. And I think you know, as an example, we'll have patients that come in and the husband or wife is saying, Okay, he needs this or she needs this, this, this, this this, and you're looking at them thinking, uh, you know, I'm gonna let them talk for a second just so they can tell me what they true want, because um, you know it just puts a bad taste. Well, yeah, they also need a lawyer work. Returning would be wonderful. And everything that I wanted to do is truly just for myself. The nose wouldn't be a new nose. I don't ever want to look like a different person. I just want to look I want to look like maybe I didn't make up a little different. And I think that's exactly you know, it's you know, well, it's a permanent confluence. How old are your kids. I have twin boys that are six and a half and I have a little religious from five. Yeah, with our daughters, um Jana and I have talked about this a lot too, because like, I never want to not look like my kids either, and I've done a really good job of dominating the gene pool, and so they look a lot like me. And I'm like, well, I never want us to look not like we're related. So I think that's also really important too, and I would I'd have to be really careful about how I approached it. I think your view on everything is so beautiful and wonderful, though, because it is a little bit frustrating. We live in this society where everything is so copy paste. I mean, I have like a trainer, I'm working now, I can't get my butt any higher, I can't get my hips anything, And then you find out all these cheats that everyone's doing and you're like, well, this is apples and oranges. This isn't fair. I'm pretty open about the injectables and stuff like that online just because I do think. You know, I've got girls in my hometown going, oh, well you never age, and I'm like, listen, you can be a bedroom a button too. You just have to find the right person. Yes, I mean, cat, you're I mean I as an older even you've obviously got a little bit older of kids too. It's so I mean, you have to probably see that in the social media aspect and that's probably got to, you know, be really challenging. And I'm gonna be leaning on you too as my girls, you know, as Jolie gets older, and it's so hard. So I have an eleven year old and I've actually been dealing with this because she does have a phone. She did have social media, but she currently does not, because you know, I was going through because I go through her phone all the time, and it's like they're literally talking about you want to curvey your girl. I'm like, you were eleven years old. When I was little, everyone wanted to be skinny. Like she's skinny, she's beautiful, she's I mean all the things and it's like that you just boys want curvy your girls and girls that I was just like, what is happening? Like it's it's scary because it starts early. Yeah, the introduction is so much younger, and uh, you know, concepts are changing. Listen, if you look at most schools, you know, unfortunate enough for my kids are in private school, but still the concepts that are introduced there, I think, are you know, they're they're fairly young for all of these things. But that's the way you know, society is going. I think, you know, we have more information, more education, more you know, it's kind of drinking out of a fire hydrant as opposed to you know, a water found and um, that's you know, it's inevitable, and I think there has to be a way to teach it the right way. Um, Otherwise, you know, we're going to run into the same concepts over and over and over. And I think as society we're doing that. We're slowly going down that path. It's repeated, repetitive. You know. Um, we were as a whole, we're looking for change, but we're doing the same things. And I think that this is one way of trying to introduce the concept early and you know, whether it works or not, we'll we'll definitely see. So with your with your children's book that you wrote, I mean, I love, I love the whole concept of it, obviously self love. Can you just give like a an overview of about the book and and obviously I'm gonna get it to read my girl every single night so she knows, you know what, I'll send it to you. Oh support, we support here, thank you. Um, you know, so the book Body Positivity ultimately is nobody is the same, and so it introduces several little kids that all have our different shapes, sizes, ethnicities, and the ultimate goal at the end is to teach that, um, you know, we're all unique, we're all special, and we're all beautiful. And usually people who are bullies have something going on in their own lives, so we even have to turn around and offer compassion and so, uh, you know, ultimately, the end of the book is that you know, we're all special, we're all unique, and that we should embrace that. Um. It's interesting because I have two books in the work and it works. And really these are three things that I really tried doing with you know, my wife and I do with our kids, and um, the other two are. You know, being a gentleman isn't easy, and being a lady isn't easy. You know, we're reintroducing some older or ancient concepts, but it's what we do. You know. My wife's a Texan. Our kids say yes, certa, yes, ma'am. Um, you know, and and we expect. You know, it's not emotional maturity, but it's um you know, obedience, you know, being respectful. Um, you know things like that. So I forget I would just put it into book form. Well you're a Midwest guy that, yes, I was. I loved that Girls minus Cats A Southerner, but Michigan girls good stock, right there, hard workers, our listeners find you and the book. Um, so you can order the book on Amazon. The publishing company is called p D i C. Puppy Dogs and ice Cream, and uh, you know you can always find it via our website, which is Beverly Hills Plastic Surgery Group dot com. You know, I think it's it's again, it's kind of an oxyb. We're putting these two together. But if you if you peel back a few the layers, it's it isn't it's conngruent with my philosophy and the way I practice plastic surgery. I love that. Well, thank you for coming out on wind down and maybe I see in Los Angeles anytimes. Listen. I would love to to have you, so uh, definitely definitely stopped by when you're in Oh, I'm stopping by. Look for my chart doctor, I will, I will take care. I have a great rest of your week. We get all right. Hey, I'm Lance Bass, host of the new I Heart podcast Frosted Tips with Lance Bass. The hardest thing could be knowing who to turn to when questions arise, or times get tough, or you're at the end of the road. Okay, I see what you're doing. Do you ever think to yourself, what advice would Lance Bass and my favorite boy bands give me in this situation? If you do, you've come to the right place because I'm here to help this. I promise you seriously, I swear, and you won't have to send an S O S because I'll be there for you, and so will my husband Michael. Hey, that's me. Yeah, we know that. Michael and a different hot sexy teen crush boy bander each week to I do through life step by step, not another one. Kids, relationships, life in general can get messy. You may be thinking, this is the story of my life. Just stop now. If so, tell everybody, yeah, everybody about my new podcast, and make sure to listen so we'll never ever have to say bye bye bye. Listen to Frosted Tips with a Lance Bass on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you listen to podcasts. All right, he was great. I love you can't wait. I can't I can't even imagine, Like, you literally have the body I would want, like the perfect body, and they're over here going you all just want curbing on. They want the Kardashians, Like that's what's in everyone's mind now, and that's not even real. That's not like they have plants and they have things to take and I'm like, uh, but yeah, we're talking a lot about that. It's interesting because I was so only you know, her birthday is coming up this month and she has been asking for a phone, and I'm like, baby girl, you are seven, like and so, but in my mind I'm like, well, like, maybe I can just get her a phone to like just make so that way I don't have to always communicate with my ax. I can just be like I can just call her, she can call her dad when you know, when she's with me. And but I'm like, I don't even want her to have access to I mean, obviously I would not have her have anything on there ever, you know what I mean, like until she's thirty. But like I still like, I don't even want her to have a phone in her hand because I feel like it's just well, first of all, suggestion I'm getting RANDI like the gizmo watch so I can call, you know, they can call on their watch and they can do all that. I'm actually getting her that today. But also like I did it too early with any I will own that. I will be the first to say with you know, we were at cheer comps and I wanted to be able to under I want if I lost her, Like there were reasons I did it, but I did it too early. How old? How old was she she was? She had an iPod, which is basically kind of what you're saying where they can just do a few things on it at eight. Okay, she started cheering when she was five. It was too early. I shouldn't have done it. And then I think nine. I think I got her a phone and had a letter her on social media then, and I let her on social media too early too. I mean, I will own all of that. I watch all of it, so in my mind, it's like I'm keeping an eye on it, which is better than a lot. I'm learning a lot of people don't keep an eye on anything. Um. But you know, it's just this fifth grade year, y'all. They start like, you know, it's everything we were talking about probably and bickering about and talking about at school or on the weekends, but now it's on the phone. We also went as inundated, like we didn't have you know, I remember watching like there was some study because I went to school for marketing communication. I remember there was some study that showed us the amount of ads or the amount of images we saw train the perfect body image by the time we had a certain age. And I can't remember any of that because I don't remember anything anymore because I have mom dementia. But I remember being an astronomical amount. And that was before social media came. So now we are like these girls are, I mean everywhere that they are, even if they're not on social media, their friends are even if they don't have a phone, their friends do and they're sending that's the thing. Like she has several friends, well, I'd say maybe a few friends that didn't have a phone until like now or whatever. There I mean, there's a group chat kids on it. I'm just like, you were opening yourself up. Because then people start not necessarily bullying. I won't say I've seen actual like bullying, but they start kind of being you know, like it's not okay, but like we all did it, you know, kind of in our like kind of being mean to that person or that person in a way. Maybe we didn't all do it, but we all had our But it's now it's it's on text message. I'm like so and says can screenshot that and in it, and so it's like you have to understand what you're putting in writing also can live with you for the rest of your life, you know. So it's just there's so many lessons, there's so many things in it, and I hate for them to feel out of the loop. Like if I took her phone away right now, it would definitely change her dynamic good or bad. You know. I mean, everyone communicates on on there um, but I don't know. Had she not had one, I don't know, maybe it wouldn't. I don't know. It's hard. It's so hard. I don't even That's the thing. That's that's where I'm like struggling because I'm like, all right, she'll get made fun of if she doesn't so then she'll have a hard time in school. And if she does have it, then there's issues there. And it's like I'm thinking back to like, you know, even in middle school. Yeah, middle school's tough. High school there was some like you know, I remember, I remember there was like this um uh powder puff football thing and that there was like this list of the hit that the people I wanted to make sure they hit and I was on that list, and I was like, so, um that was that was I mean, I remember that. But I just look, I can't imagine having social media, and it's like a part of me is like I don't even want July to ever have that. But an at the same time, it's it's like I wish social media wasn't for comparison and you know, being being nasty because the comments that people say. I mean, I've now developed at least thick enough skin. It still hurts to read negative comments. I mean, we don't like it. You know, they said things about all of us and it's not nice. And it's like to have your daughter, our daughter, my daughter, or my son read those things about themselves and then you know the everything else that kids talk about that's scary and I'm just like, oh, I just that piece of parenting. I'm like, I don't even know what. I don't know, I don't know what to do, like, and I haven't really dealt with like the negative comments on social media yet. I watch it so closely that like, you know, she hasn't been like attacked or bullied on social media yet. But what I'm testing and really paying attention to. It's kind of Christien what you said, because they're just scrolling, They're just watching video after video after video, and I'm like, what are they saying? What's getting in their head to cause them to talk and think the way that they are. That's kind of where I'm at. More. I think once they get middle school, high school, they start bullying more on social media. For sure. We have friends of ours that have um, she thought she was and this is, like I would say, more so just a heads up, and I'm sure there's people listening that would already know this, but I was like, I don't know why it shocked me. But we had friends of ours who have a high schooler and she was like, oh, I'm on, I follow her and she always has this like wonderful content and she's so cute and the people that follow her suite and blah lah lah. And then she finds out there's another account. Oh yeah, and so then she's like, well, I don't have I don't have access to that account of my daughters and then that account. I mean, I've got to be honest, it's scary to me how these girls are dressing. It's scary to me they're learning it also innocently, truly, because it's just all around them, like the sexy, the crop tops. It's what I'm wearing a top top right now. And I feel like a bad mom when I wear because because I'm like, what am I showing? Then I'm what am I showing my daughter? It's it's a hard my boobs are out. I'm like, it gets harder as that gets older, to be like, hey, you can't wear that if you're wearing it like I do. Think that that can get but it's also kind of like there's a lot of things I can't do I can do, so it's kind of like, I don't know, it's a hard I think we just have to say slow and steady and just really aware and real open. I think the conversation, I mean, listen, Jane and I have our oldest love is seven today, So it's not like I'm not I just it overwhelms me so much. Everyone's like, oh, I can't wait till my kids are older and they can do this and they can do that, and I am like, freeze time please, because everything you're talking about overwhelms me so much it makes my throat close. I think you just have to be slow and steady, good mom friends, friends that have gone before us, the moms that know the tricks and the apps and the things they can watch for. I think that as long as you're paying attention and you're aware, you're already leaps and bounds above ahead of everybody else. And I hate to say that, but I've been disappointed and shocked to see how many people don't pay attention. M Yeah, and I like and I like you. You said to Chris leaning on like it's a you know, Catherine will be leaning on you heavily for you know, things that you know, because obviously you've got an older daughter. So I mean, I love the gizmo gizmo watch idea versus you know, the other thing. And yeah, and I think something I try to do too, Like every morning and night, I'm always just like trying to reaffirm like you're beautiful, You're enough, and just ingraining that in her brain because I'm like, this was the pivotal six was my childhood trauma age where I didn't feel good enough and I felt like you know, so it's like I'm I'm like, all right, this is this These are the years that I have to really do everything that I can do to like ingrain that she's like pretty and beautiful and kind and nice and like enough. And yeah, I know we all take the head. I know, it's just because it's just scary and we have someone in my family who you know, obviously I won't I won't say, but like she's she's in high school and you know, even just like I don't want to live and it's just like you're in high school and it's just it's just it's just it's just sad, and I just wish, like first, like I I love, I obviously use social media as a as a marketing tool and as an income for my family, so that you know, I'm I'm grateful for social media and what it's done for for you know, for um supporting my family. And I also love that we can reach out to people and um kind of of do this together. But the negative, the negative side of social media, it's like, I don't know, it's like I hate for it to go away, but I just I don't want. I don't like the negative side of it. As a girl who had a back brace and hailer in seventh grade, I'm so glad social media did not exist. I cannot imagine. I mean, I know the things that were said about me just from what I heard. Imagine that's the thing you get behind me, and uh huh, that's really scary to me. And we have to protect our little people because it's not even about like we try to anchor in a little bit here like what God says about you, what mom and dad say about you, what you know, like just so that it's built so sturdy that you hope that that first like punch or hit or like the first trauma Jenna is talking about like doesn't destroy them and but at all. I mean you guys, we both all three of us, know, you collect those little tidbits over life, tiny little chip aways, and then before you know it, you're talking to Dr Lakey about getting a nose job on a podcast that reaches everyone in I heart. You know, like what do you I mean, it's just I think too something that you know, just a call out for people that are listening, because I know there are the Reddit trolls that come on and listen just to tear us down and to say mean comments. So you know, for those people and that want to go and comment, just remember that we're all human, we all have feelings, we all like it's so much easier to be kind because you don't know what people are going through, You don't know what they've gone through, what they're going to go through, and it's like it's just it's so much easier to just be kind, Like there's no like why be hateful or hurtful or leave negative comments or be nasty to someone or say like oh she's got this or that's you know, she's fat she's too thin, or she's got a big mess, like just be nice, Like, I don't understand why you have to be mean because have feelings. I would challenge the people that feel the need to comment to take before you hit the first key in your negative comment about someone that you don't know. I would just challenge you to take a look inward to see what it is about yourself that you dislike that is making you feel the way you feel to reach out and be hateful to someone, because I think that's the pause that society is missing. It feels to me like we're so quick to judge and to listen. I've been that person too. I've never really been a mean girl. I don't think. I'm sure there's someone listening that's like out beg to differ, but I wasn't. I was mean girl a lot, and I just look back and I'm like, listen, I don't know. I can't say her name, although it's it's literally like podcast gold if you could know her real name, because it's two first names, and I refer to her as the girl with two first names. But the girl with two first names probably actually had a lot going on at home in high school and I didn't know that, but I you know, at that age, you're not like, you can't really think that way. So I just I would just challenge, before you start to type, take two seconds and wonder about what it is about yourself or your story, or your baggage or your hurt or whatever that makes you feel like you want to attack someone like us for instance, or anybody. Yeah, but I love you girls, and we'll be back next week together