Move Past the Chaos

Published Jun 13, 2022, 4:00 AM

Jana connects with her close friend Julie Solomon who shares some amazing advice on how to make it through tough times. 

Find out how to get what you want using the three A’s: Awareness, Acceptance and Action.
 
And Julie share what to do if you’re looking for a meaningful relationship but having a hard time. 

Wine Down with Jane Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. All right, so we're just gonna get right into this podcast today because we have uh one, this is where I like, this is the math part of how many queendoms are there? That's right, I gotta get me Julie Sarah person so one six one six at the Queendom is going to be on the show today. Julie Solomon. She's got a book out right now called Get what she Wants, and she is our what I called her I was, I was writing something to their day. I was like, she's our like spiritual guru slash just like boss babe, get what you want. Like any time I ever have something, it's like, I wonder what Julie would say. UM, and I know she's in the waiting room, and I don't want that girl the way any longer. So let's get her on. We are so excited to have author. I can now say author. As part of the year title author um podcaster hosted the top rated The Influencer podcast and among many other things, UM Julie Solomon on Wine Down. She's got a book. It's called Get what you Want. How to go from unseen to unstoppable. Julie, Welcome to wind Down. Thanks ladies, thank you for having me. Um Julie. For those that are new listeners, Julie is part of Queendom, which you know is Catherine, Pamela and Kristen, Julie and Sarah. But she's she doesn't does like the group text Mestice, we have to take Sarah Bryce off those ones. Um, but Julie, how many years have we been friends? Now? Let's see at least five? At least yeah, five years longer than that. Yeah, man, Camden's nine. I mean Julie Jolie was six months old. Wow, it's crazy. Yeah, but I've known her since like middle school, so, which is just even crazier. Small world because I remember I don't remember do we got to middle school together or high school? Always forget high school? High school? Just kidding, well, middle school sounds better, say saying great. Yeah, she was a year above me. But we were cheerleaders to get we cheered together. Don't don't even say it, cheerleader. I love cheerleaders. It's fine. Her face was like, I love cheerleader. Cheerleaders are awesome. They cheer on the crowd. I just had bad egg mean to you. Yes, and I tried out and I didn't make it. You're better. That's also that's not true. My mom wouldn't let me try out because of skating. That's actually that was Yeah, that's way cooler though to be a nice skater anyway. And so the truth is I always wanted to try out. Um that was volleyball. I tried out for volleyball, and I played middle school and then high school. I got what happens. Yeah it sucked, but I'm sorry, back to back to getting what you want. Um. One of the cool coolest things about Julie is, um, she was my one of my friends who when I was, you know, going through stuff with my ex Um. The way that you the way that you are with life, how you speak, how you just embody your everything. Um, you have such a way of seeing other sides. You have an innate ability to have grace for people. And it's so I often go, what would Julie do in this moment because there's so many times where it's like, you know, when I was going through hard times, we were sitting by a pool and She's like, it's like the ripples in the water. You know this too, shelf has. But you know, is that a part of getting what you want? Having that mindset? Is that how you from seeing like everything that you've done and to help people grow their businesses. Is having that kind of open mindset part of the process to getting what you want? Yeah, I mean that's a great question. From my experience, it is because all of that that you just said it requires an extreme amount of self awareness, and I don't think that you can get what you want without self awareness. That's a good point, so speak to the self awareness part. Yeah. So and with that idea when you were talking about the grace, it's like, I don't know if that's in that moment, you know, great, like there's a strength and there there can be a weakness to that. You know, there has to be like boundaries and making sure that you're not um enabling behaviors that aren't good for you or for your life. Um, and you can still choose to be compassionate at the same time. So I think that that's important because there's been times in my past where I would enable behavior just because you know, of my own limitations of what I could see. So I just I think that's a good distinction because sometimes it's like you can I don't know if it's true that you can give too much grace, but I do think there's a line between having compassion and holding space and then potentially enabling a toxic or bad pattern. And only you would not you, but just people. Only people are really going to know what that is for them, which can lead to awareness. Um And there's actually three a's. The first one is awareness, so we can talk about that. I think that with getting what you want, you have to become aware. And awareness is just simply an identification that there's some kind of dysfunction or problem in your life life that exists that it needs to change. And so it could be something really extreme, like you know, a dysfunctional relationship, or maybe you have, you know, an issue with food, or an issue with drinking, or an issue with spending money, you know, whatever that may be. It could be a dysfunction that severe, or it could just be you know, something as little as you know. I keep sleeping in until twelve o'clock every day and it's not allowing me to get up early and get what I want and stay organized and stay on task. And so I need to be aware that that needs to change. So that's the first step, I think. Um the second one is acceptance, which is the most uncomfortable place that no one wants to be in, because that's when I think you have to come to grips with this problem that's in my life that I'm now aware of. It's not all of me. It doesn't define who I am, and it doesn't define my pure existence, but it is a part of me, and it begins with me, and now with acceptance, I can choose to allow it to end with me if it no longer fits in my life. It's like one piece to this puzzle in my life that no longer fits. It needs to be removed, and it is my responsibility to remove it. It is not his hers there's it's my responsibility. And I think that's why acceptance is so challenging for so many of us, because this is where we have to take accountability for our own lives and for the results that we're seeing in our lives, and for our part to play and things that happen in our lives, not necessarily things that happened to us, because we can be victims of you know, external circumstances. But then how we respond to react to those is our part to play, and that's hard for people. Acceptance is really hard because it's much easier to not stay in acceptance. It's much easier to blame other people for not being able to get what you want in life. So it's that's the that's the hardest one, sure, because I mean I feel like a lot of times people like, oh, well this person um this happener, and so I couldn't get that big promotion because this person said this about me. Or instead of going, okay, where where's the part that I could have maybe played in? Or I think that's that's a really interesting thing because I've definitely have done that in my life. Or I've maybe blamed uh radio people that were working my single at radio or something like oh they didn't work hard enough, and it's like, well maybe the song wasn't good enough. I don't know, you know, like maybe yeah, yeah, Or it's really acceptance. What acceptance does is that when we're not in acceptance of the reality of the situation, we're very frozen and it's like we can't move. And what acceptance does is it thaws us out and it allows us to start thinking and feeling and seeing from a new perspective and shift. But you have to want to do that, and I think a lot of times there's a payoff and not wanting to do that because you know, if if I don't want to see the acceptance, then the solution is out there, it's not within me, so I can't help myself. So I can just stay in this state of helplessness and the poor means and all of the places that we can go to and it's like, well, of course I can't get what I want because X Y and Z, And of course I can't get what I want because this happened to me, And of course I can't get what I want. Or of course you know, she can get what she wants because of X, Y and Z, but I can't get what I want, And so it keeps us in this perpetual state of like this learned helplessness, that the answer is out there, and since it's out there and we can't somehow get it, then nothing can change. So that's also part of like in a relationship, that self fulding, like oh, of course they left me because I'm X Y and Z exactly, Yeah, poor me, poor me, poor me, for me and I think that it's it's so common. It's not like we are like, Okay, I've learned acceptance. Now everything's right, Like it's a day to day practice. I mean even yesterday, um or no Monday, I'm like, what day is it? Um? I was having one of those poor me's, you know, and I was like, my ego was getting the best of me, and it's like, I'm not doing enough. I'm not enough that dad never nothing ever works out for me. And I just started laughing because I had this moment of awareness of like, oh, I'm choosing to think these thoughts. And I was texting my girlfriend Susie, and I was like, poor poor Julie, Susie, like poor me. And then I was just able to laugh about it and like move on with my life of you know, what's what's really happening here? So you know, for those who we can't always control what happens to us, but we we always can control how we respond or react to it, and that's where the acceptance can come in. I love that piece. I love that. Yeah. The third day is action, which I love action. That's just the plan that we get to put in place to start to implement some of the things that might have been lost because of that dysfunction or problems. So these are things where, you know, when we start taking action, when we start to be able to get confidence and self esteem and more balance in our lives and peace and joy and serenity and all of the things that we want. But if we're not in that state of action, we we can't even see that that's possible. And so really, when it comes to getting what you want, you have to ask yourself a lot of times, like do I want to be right? Or do I want to be happy? That's a really simple question that people can ask themselves, or like would I rather live in an environment? And this could be your own environment, like your own thoughts that you're choosing to think, like your own internal dialogue, your own environment that's filled with anxiety and chaos and you know, extreme behavior and just you know, overwhelm and frustration, or do you want to have peace and serenity and just like ah, that's fun, you know, And so you we all have to be able to make that decision for ourselves to be able to get what we want. And you know, the three a's is really helpful in that and then also, you know, people say to me all the time they're like, well, Julia, I can't get what I want because I don't know what I want. And it's like, well, yeah, you do because you know what you don't want. Yeah, that's all stuff one right there? Right? What do you know? Always a clear indication? You know, It's like, if you know that you don't want to be living pay check to paycheck, what is that telling you? If you know that you don't want to be in this relationship anymore, what is that telling you? If you know that you don't want to keep telling yourself that in order to go out and have a good time you have to drink every single time you do it, then what is that telling you? So? And again, like that's where the three a's can then come in for that too. But the acceptance of that can be really hard for people. It's really hard to accept when you know that you no longer need to be in a relationship, and like that's like with my first marriage, it's like, oh, like I know this, and like once you know it, you can't un know it. And now I have to do something about it, and I really don't want to do something about it because like like this is just going to be so painful, but you know it's it's interesting. It's like if you don't do something about it, then the world kind of has a funny way of doing it for you eventually. That is very true. I definitely think people get stuck in that acceptance. I know that I for sure have. But also sometimes for me, at least relationship, I get blinded, even in the awareness part of it, because I'm just I want what I want, but it's never the thing that's right in front of me. So like I'm almost like blinded. Does that make sense, like where I feel like I'm blinded by um, what I make up rather than what's right in front of me. Yeah, I think so. And I think a lot of that just comes from the old stories that we tell ourselves. That I have a big chapter in the book that talks all about origin stories, because we all have one. These are the stories that you know, we're either told to us or the stories that we experienced in childhood that now shape the way that we see the world. It's it really it's like when you think about these glasses, like we put these glasses on and based off of the prescription, Like that's how we view the world, and we don't realize that we can take the glasses off, like you know, they're not nailed to our skull, Like we can take them off. But a lot of times there is this as exhausting as that story. Maybe even if you have even if you can't see it, you still know you're you're like, why is this not working? Why does this not fit? Why do I feel this way? This just doesn't feel aligned to me? And there's usually some some payoff to that belief, like does it validate a belief that you have, Like there's there's a belief that I had for a really long time that it you have in order to succeed, you have to suffer. Was a really big belief of my, Like it takes a lot of pain to have gain, and there must be a sacrifice if there's anything to be received. And so I would over complicate things. I would make things a lot more difficult than they had to be. I would add a lot of steps that didn't need to be there because I I believed and I didn't even realize that I was believing this. This was an origin story of mine, because you know, my upbringing. My parents didn't have a lot of money. They had to suffer to succeed, and so that's what was replicated back to me. And not even to succeed just to like, you know, hopefully pay the bills and put food on the table. There was just survival. And so when you come from that scarcity mindset, you start to believe those stories. And as we get older, if we're not aware of them, then it's just like they're on some kind of subconscious programming and we don't even realize that they're there. But you know, that's what those stories would tell me of like oh man, this is so challenging, or you know, I'm never going to meet this goal, or I'm never gonna you know, have the life that I want on or for whatever it is for people, I'm never gonna lose the weight, I'm never going to get the guy, I'm never going to get the house, I'm never going to get the kids, like whatever that may be for somebody, and um, a lot of times it it just there's a belief system that you may be believing that that story, it keeps validating that which it allows us to stay in that helplessness state, right which happened to you, you know, the week of that your books coming out. You know, it's like what you've you've gone, You've done so much, you've achieved so much, but yet you still that belief system came back in you going. And that's where I think too or I've had a tough time because it's like, you know, I go to on site, I do all these things, I go to therapy, and then it's like I get I beat myself up when the messages come back because I'm like, oh, but then that's where, um, you know, that's where it's like to go back to what you know? Okay, what do you know? What's present moment? What is what is the truth? Because these messages from your origin are not they're not they're not they're lies, they're not the truth. And then something another quote that someone said to me at one point is who were you before the world told you any different? Mm hmm. Well, and that really goes back to the worthiness, you know, and I talk a lot about that. There's a whole chapter on worthiness, because if you don't really believe in your own worthiness to receive whatever it is in life just because you're you and nothing more, then you can't be able, you can't even begin to get what you want. Is that? I think the first step then is finding your worth. Yeah, And I think awareness and acceptance and action helps you do that and not not putting your worthiness on someone else. It's not. Your worthiness should never be contingent on somebody else deeming you as worthy or loving you or giving you something. The worthiness has to come from within, and I believe that really it comes from this trust and faith in something greater than yourself. And people have got to believe in something greater than themselves. I think it's it's a lack of that faith and a lack of that belief that keep us, you know, in this perpetual state of worthlessness. Because it's like, well, what's the point that is so true and key to I mean, I know so many people can relate to that because I've always put my worth who I am, who like, if I'm good enough? On what my relationship sat us looks like that Always I was always letting a man define my worth. And it's like now since I've learned and done a lot of freaking work to kind of reshape that. But again, it's it's it's easy to fall back into and then also going okay, no, that is to to you know, love yourself, find your own worth on your own journey is a beautiful thing. Yeah. And keeping it simple, I mean that's the thing. Simple lee is so significant, and most of us we don't like simplicity. You know, when when when somebody may even give us an answer that's simple, it's like, well, this can't be right, you know, like it's it's not complicated enough. I need way more information and way more chaos and way more stats and wayh more charts and way much way more drama and way more and way more answers and a whole lot more pain for me to accept it. It can't be simple, and so what would it look like if if it could just be easier? But you have to want that, you know, you have to you have to be willing. There's a great quote by Liz Gilbert that says, um, I'm going to kind of botch it, but she's like, you know, I've never seen a life transform until somebody got so sick and tired of their own bs. Like, you really have to get so sick and tired of being so sick and tired, and you know it's and that's just different for different people. But I think that's why I think rock bottoms are so amazing, because it's like, Okay, here I am, Now where am I going to go? You just have to remember to go easy on yourself in the process. Yeah, I think that's that's the biggest piece right there, because I'm you know, coming and I still haven't spoke about my on site on site journey yet, but you know, kind of hitting that like I have got to change this belief system and let some of these things go. And um, I think it's really hard when you start to like it starts to come back up again, and the devil starts to to to speak up louder when he's like, oh you're you're you're on your path the healing. Let me just kind of like hit you with a hammer. And that's where I was having a discussion with someone a few weeks ago, and they were asking me about God and my faith journey. And you know why I chose to because they weren't. They didn't share the exact same belief system. And for me, I was like, at some point in my healing journey, like I physically could not do it. Alone, like you have to ask someone to It's like, you know, I've asked Queendom enough times and when I'm alone in my bed, you guys are done here and me like, you know, complain exactly. And you know, Julie, you'll give me the you know, I just wrote about you in something that I'm working on. You know how you you gave me like the perfect thing. But yet and yet I still was like feeling that like hopelessness. You got to look up. It's kind of how I need something to help carry because I can't carry it in church their day like it's we're not meant to carry it all by ourselves. And so how great is it that we can allow to give ourselves and take that off and hand it and say, help me carry this. Yeah, yeah, I think it's so easy for people to you know, we we love to talk about the challenge and the pains and the struggles and the chaos, but never what's actually available to us. I could just listen to her all day long. I'm like, yeah, that's right. And I was thinking what you just said to I'm like, it's like the boat someone said, I'm waiting for God to save me. And because they're stuck in a flood. God sent you a boat. There's a boat right there. Jump on the boat. Look around like it's around you. I think I Pastor Kevin was saying that in church their day too. He was just like he has given you everything around you, you know, and also like he's there when when when you need him, and like he said to like you can pull up a chair and you can have someone that you need to unload on, or you need to listen to, or you need to all of the above, when you still can't do it on your own and we can't, you know, as queendom in your moments, like we can't do it for you. We can pull up a chair and we can listen, and we can, but you still are going to feel hopeless or helpless in that moment if you don't have you know, if you don't believe it, and then if you don't because you believe, you know, have God helping you through it or higher power, higher power, yeah, exactly, whatever, whatever whatever that looks like for you. When I think why that's so important is that it puts you back in that present moment and not in the past or not future tripping into things that are just we're like literally making up the future and telling ourselves, like Dress rehearsing this chaos like doesn't even exist. It's true. It's it's quite funny, like how insane we all are as human beings. And I feel like twenty minutes ago, Dress rehearse the chaos. Oh yeah, I used to do that stuff all the time. And it's so extreme, you know it can be. So you're like, Okay, so I'm gonna do this and then if I don't get what I want, then I'm going to do this. If I don't get what I want, then I'm gonna do it. And then I'm just gonna do what I want. They're just gonna to deal with it anyway. It's like that's it's just crazy, and it feels so big, it does, that's the thing. It feels dramatic. It's so intense, it's so heavy, and it's and and we start to and that's like we can actually get dopamine hits off that. I mean, there's science proves like there's that hit off the you know, off the chaos. And that's just going back to like it's the choice. We don't we don't have to live in the chaos we can and it's also what we're focusing on. Are we focusing on the chaos, because then we're just going to get more chaos? And I have a question around that. Okay, So for the person that's listening, that's like, I have done the work, I have done the three a's, I have accepted, I'm you know, awaren, awareness, acceptance, I've I've taken action, I have talk to my higher power. I have I have done the work. Julie, I'm tired and I'm not getting what I what I want nor deserve. There's the wellest dry of men, you know, whether or it's the you know work, It's like what do you do when you're just like when how do you have the patients? How do you how do you how do you like sit in that uncomfortable moment of it's been a really long time and when is it my time? Yeah? I think it's about identifying what you want and letting that be enough in the moment, which is incredibly hard for people because if we're always focused on the where is this that I want? You know, your energy doesn't allow you to even perceive any type of hints or clues or a ha moments or answered prayers from God or anything, because you're so wrapped up and so bottled up, and like, where is it? What that you know? Where's this thing that I want? And why isn't it happening fast enough? And what's wrong? Da da da da da? And so actually the awareness of the now is actually preventing the now from changing because you're so it's like you're suffocating the moment. You're not even allowing the moment just to unfold and be what it is. It's kind of like this idea of where is this thing that I want? What is this change that I want in my life? Versus the I want this and where is it? It's like a very different type of energy. One's very kind of a little bit less controlling, and another one is incredibly controlling. And so I think moving more into the attention of the feeling of where you're going and the feeling of of what you want, focusing more on the feeling instead of the it's not here right now, so I can't believe it. I think you have to believe it first and then you'll see it. I think a lot of times waiting to see it first to believe it, which just comes back to a lack of faith. Yeah, that's that's that's a huge piece, Yeah, because it's hard to believe it when you don't see it though, Like I like to feel touched see And also, what if what you want? This kind of goes against what you probably say, Julie, But what if sometimes what we want isn't our story or like what if there's something out there that you think you want so badly but it is not meant for you, you know what I mean? And again, I mean I think that revealed to you. I think that's all part like we're never gonna not want more things. Like every single day we are being like downloaded with like more things that we want in life, and some of the things we're going to accomplish and some of the things we're not. Some of the things we're gonna end up being really excited about and going after, and then some of the things we're going to be like, oh, I actually don't want this thing, But that's okay because it's just revealing to you more of what you actually do want. I think it's all it's all part of the process of you unlocking and uncovering where it is that you're going and there's no endpoint. I think that's the other thing that we have to stop putting these these like parameters around, like well, once X happens, then I'll have the life of my dreams. Like once this happens, then I can be happy. Like this is not like life is right now. This is not address rehearsal. This is like literally right now. I mean I was just talking about this with John, my husband, the other day. I'm thirty eight, he's fifty two, and I just looked over it and I was like, you know that, like our life is literally happening right now, like this is life. And I think that it's so easy to keep waiting for like well, once this happens with the kids, or once we do this, or once we make this money, or once you know that our son graduates, then once we retire then and it's like no, there's no then it's now. And so I think that if that's true, then now has to be enough. And so many of us are so consumed with now is not enough and now it is not more, and I am not okay with now, and so we've got to take our attention off of that and just be less controlling and and become more easy about things. And then you have to trust you have in it. And if you do believe and God, it should be easy to believe in things that you don't see in in a in a tangible way. I've never seen God walking down the street this gale, but I know that that there is a God, and I know that God exists, and I may see God in things. But you know, I think that it's it's about trusting that you're being guided and in time, you were going to receive the answers, the clues, the impulses, the feelings, the gut instincts, whatever that may be for you in order to take the next step. And we don't have to keep asking the questions of like what it is that we want, because we already know the answer. And if you're someone that's like, well, Julie, like I've been asking and asking and I'm not receiving any answers and I'm confused and i don't know where to go. It's most of the time it's because you're two bottled up in the question. Just give it a rest. You've done everything you can. There's nothing else that you need to do except give it over. And so you've got to put You've got to put distance between asking for what you want and receiving the answer. And I think the other thing is like stop trying to answer questions for yourself. You obviously don't know the answer if you're asking the questions, right, Yeah, And so we've got to put distance in a way to put distance between asking for what you want and and like, even if it's a challenge, like I'm having a hard time with this and I need direction, I need guidance, I need answers, the way to put distance between that is like sleep, rest, meditating, going for a walk, gratitude lists, changing the subject. That's what I did the other day when I was going through my own chaos. I literally changed the subject. I was like, I'm gonna go watch a movie and just reshift the energy to allow some distance. And so you're not keeping the problems activated. When you can, you can add some distance to that. And if you don't keep the problem activated, then what happens is that the solutions have space to then come in to replace the problem. This is why when you send stuff to Queendom, I sit back and wait and see what Julie is gonna say, because mine is never this articulate. I don't have all the answers. I can just share what comes through. It's so good. But I always I avoid Julie's answer, which is why I haven't brought certain things, because I usually know her answer is the answer that is the truth, not that that's yours is and the truth avoid me too, sometimes sometimes Julie the most, maybe because I don't because I know what I need to do. I know that I would need to break up with this word. I know that like. This isn't like I'm repeating a pattern. I know that like and it's like I almost don't want that awareness. So from sept on, if it's something that you think I cannot take this to Julie and then well, trust me, I've learned that lesson in the last few months. M that's the clue. That's just whoever it is if you feel yourself because again it goes back to those old stories, and it's like, if you know that something is not right in your life, if you know that you're avoiding this thing, that maybe and again it can be anything for you know, if if you feel like you're there's a problem with your with your kids right now and you're avoiding it, or there's a problem in your relationship, or there's a problem at work, or you know, you've been wanting a job promotion but you've been so terrified ask for it. Like, whatever that thing is for you, it's the more that you hide from it, the louder and louder and louder it's going to get. And if you don't listen to it, you know, the world, God, the universe, whatever you want to say, just the dynamics of how energy works, someone's just going to come and be like, Okay, boom, smack you across the face. You can't avoid it now, Yeah, I mean that's literally you know, the last whatever, because it's like I tried so hard to ignore it, and then it just becomes louder and louder and louder, and I'm not sharing certain things. I'm like, oh but I really want I want love. I'm getting what I want, like and then but it becomes louder and louder and louder until it just explodes and that's you know, that's the universe, that's the and then it's kind of like okay, wow, Like and then realizing and going to the a's and going okay, acceptance. Now this is where did I fault myself in this to not have walked away? Or I'm aware that I hid things? Yeah, I accept that now. You know my part to play in it was X, Y and Z. Now what am I going to do about it? Girl? I know you have a heart out, But if if there's someone in a relationship, what is the one thing where do you think there blocking themselves from getting what they want? What's a quick little like word or something that's blocking. I think for most people it's this idea that um like, you can't hide yourself and expect to be seen mm hmm. And when you're not being honest with yourself, when you're not creating boundaries, when you're not advocating for yourself, when you're not speaking your truth, when you're avoiding things, when you have these triggers, these clues from God, the universe, the world, and you're not wanting to see it, that's all forms of hiding yourself, which is just a form of self sabotage. So I think that's a big thing. And I think that really if you if you want to step in to get what you want. If you want more of what you want, you've got to focus on anything where what you want is actually working, and stop putting so much emphasis on what is not working. You will get more of what you want if you keep focusing on what What are the parts of your life that are working well? What are the parts of your life that do you let you up, that feel easy, that feel peaceful, that feel fun, that feel joyful, whatever those things are, even if it's just you know, you like the way that your sheets feel when you're sleeping, and whatever it may be. It can be something small. But if you're focusing on what you don't want, then you slow all the energy down. And if you're hammering away at the question, then the solution it can't come, and it won't come because there's no room for it to come. Love. Um, we know that you are on a crazy book tour right now, so um, I love you, and at us know when we're doing drinks, i'll see you, like a few days. But let us listeners know we're gonna obviously I'm gonna talk some more about your book after you get off here, but let us know, let the listeners know where they can find my bestie Queendom. Yes, so get what you want, how to go from unseen to unstoppable. Um. You can get this wherever books are sold. We also have an audio book highly recommended for anyone who has felt connected to this conversation today. No matter where you are in life, if you're just if you're ready for a re shift, if you're ready for a reframe, there's a lot of great tools in here that can help you. And you can find me on Instagram at Jules Solomon j U L S S l O m O n UM. If you're coming on Janice Tour in Nashville, you might see me there. Um, and let's see what else. Julie Solomon dot net is my website and then your podcast and then my pot Yeah that thing, um my podcast that I've been doing for five years, um, the Influencer Podcast. It is all about how to start, grow and scale a brand. And um, if you were someone who was wanting to build a personal brand, wanting to get your name and your message out into the world, I help you do that. So you can go to the wherever you love to listen to podcast The Influencer Podcast to have a new episode drop every Wednesday, and she does workshops too for people that you don't want to grow their brand um and how to masterminds right behind that, which coaching groups, all the things. You're just you're a boss and I love you so much. Juels Um, I'll see you Sam Okay, okay, ba Guy Haney Right. I mean just this is like, you know what I love about Queendom is that it's like we got we got you. We got Pam who's like Pittsburgh Pam. Right, she's just like you don't want to get on a bad day at Pittsburgh Pam Like she'll she'll, she will, she will be detective and find this person in two minutes. And then you're kind of like you kind of not you don't follow, but like you're you'll you'll pick a side. I feel like, okay, that's a good thing. It's a bad thing. Like you'll be like like you'll say something, but then you're also like like you said, like you wait you hold back to see like what sometimes I wait to say what. Julie would say, yeah, um. And then there's Kristen who's like, let's love everything and it's okay, definitely not Yeah, I definitely pick a side and I'm passionate about it. Usually yeah, yes you will, yeah, yeah, I want to say you don't fallow like you definitely you'll pick one or the other sides. Yeah. And then there's Julie, who are It's just like I think you should look in the mirror and like she she always like like look at yourself, look at which I love and I think that's azing, Like she's got more grace for other people. Though, I feel like then I she for sure does. I mean I remember, like, um, when you know, I was debating whether or not to get divorced. She's like, well, she was. She was the one person that made me. She actually she was the reason why I didn't file for divorce. It was truly interesting. Yeah, she was. She was. She was the friend who was like, we all have our stuff, like we all have, you know, the ripples, and it's like life and she's like, you know, and she says, this person is doing this and this happens and it's this is life and it really she made me look at the other side. She she she helped me look at the other side of the struggles that Mike was going through or the struggles that you know, he was facing, and she helped me learn how to lean into grace an empathy for maybe what he's going through. I didn't like that answer, like I I, you know, the thing at the time when that when it all happened, I wanted people to be like, oh, But but I was so grateful for her angle on it, because yeah, I mean, I really attribute our conversation that we had to not divorcing him in the very beginning. And now, like she says, the universe ends up, you know, um kind of showing the pieces in the end. And but I'm so and and I am so grateful that I did try, because I think I would have always I know, I would have lived with a regret. I wonder what would have happened if we tried, like I really do, and I think, so I'm really thankful for that. And I don't have any regrets about the time spent. I mean, obviously, you know, we were able to have Jason stuff too, but I think being able to look on the other side of it it was great. So I always love her perspective for sure. And you're not just tough love. I's gonna say that, you give I think to like now that you're realizing the side of things, like you you softened a little bit. I'm trying, um, But in Julia's book, I just want to kind of go through. So like part one is what's holding you back? What do you want? Steps to get to getting what you really want and find your purpose, which I think is really hard for a lot of people, and like not knowing what your purposes and um, just not knowing. So she'll help you walk through that and then um taking actions the next step, so becoming the visionary, creating a blueprint for a success, pitch it perfect, how to negotiate to get what you want, and then um, the results, um, the importance of it limitless and so definitely UM, I just started it the other day. But I just how she speaks, is how she writes, and there's a lot of things that you can get from this book. Uh. She said, wherever you are at in your life, because we all want something, right That's and I loved when she said that we all want something. So if you don't know what you want, we all you don't want, you don't want, so you do know what you want, and so she can help the gate with which aid do you think is hardest for you. That's a really good question. Um. Okay, So there was awareness, acceptance, and action. Honestly, awareness awareness because I can look at my stuff and go, okay, this is where this is where I looked in the mirror. This is where I messed up with my act hessman, this is where I could have been better in this relationship. This is where you know, I'd like to I'd love a redo if if possible. And so this is now I'm going to take steps to to grow and change. The awareness is what blocks me because I want something so bad that I'm not looking at the red flags where I'm not seeing the things that are I'm not aware. I am aware, but I don't I don't know how do I say that, you know what I'm trying to say, Like where it's like I see it, but I I put blinders so my awareness goes away. Yeah, I could see that. What about makes sense? I think mine is definitely action. Really, I think I'm very self aware and actually pretty good at accepting things. But it's the changing that part that's hard for me. It's like taking the steps to change the things that I would want to change. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, because I can very much admit the things that are either going wrong in my life or the things that I'm doing wrong or the things that you know and totally sitting there and accept it. Um. But it's the action that's hard for me to take the steps for sure. So here's no question for you then, I mean you took the action to get divorced in the process of so is there an action in you that you're you know, is it going to therapy and digging deep why you know you were maybe a certain way or is it or is that the action or like what action now is like maybe like holding you back definitely would be you know, I am aware that I'm you know, it's hard for me to be vulnerable, and I think that kind of encompasses all of it, really, um. And I've accepted that. I've definitely accepted that, But it's the how do I change that part that just seems so hard for me. What are you doing right now, like right now, like speaking on the podcast, you're being vulnerable? Yeah, yeah, So don't say you're not vulnerable. I am trying to take steps for sure. Like this was definitely probably one of the first steps I've taken besides the therapy this time. I've done therapy before, but it's just been different. So I'd say these two things were actions and then obviously the divorce part, but that's always been the hardest part for me for sure. So anyway, it's just it's an interesting question. I think everybody kind of gets can get caught in any of those Yeah, I can, I can. I Yeah, I definitely see the action part. Um. See, I feel like you're really good at action. I think if you see something, I really do. I think if you see something and you accept it, then it's going to be easy for you to take that action. Well. I mean just like when I realized, you know, a few months ago that I had still some stuff that I was holding onto. It was like I called Miles right away, who owns on site. I was like, okay, I need I need to like I need to go now like action. And then I go in for six hours a day for four and a half days in a therapy room and sit there and you know, and also it's hard when you come back and to continue taking action too. So that's also like I think we all can have moments where it's harder than others. But yeah. I mean, I definitely think action is one of my stronger ones because I think when you're not taking action, it might be because you're not aware. Yeah, it's so fascinating. I love this whole three ace thing. Yeah, I know it's great. I'm gonna be like, you are not accepting, You're not aware you're not accepting. And it's interesting because I feel like when we get stuck in something, we should see which one we stuck at. Yeah. I think it's very and I think right now that you know some things that I'm just kind of you know, just in life in this season in the moment, I don't know, actually I think I'm I think I don't know. Do you think I do think I'm stuck anywhere? Because I actually think I'm doing like I don't think. So it's like when we thanks French. It's like when we're watching Proposal to the Window to God, just like because it stuff out, you know, I put it, I've um yeah, on site. I really do want to talk about it on site at some point because that was just like a total shift in my life. Um. So hopefully we can get Miles on here, because I'd love for him to come on the show. And because that that talk about taking action, and that's where I'm like, Katherine can I literally literally I would love to gift you see that. That's where like that action is like terrifying, it is life changing. I would love to get Myles on here or somebody and to hear more about it. I think for people like me like you kind of got to know what you're walking into a little bit more well. Already told Miles, I wanted to gift it to you. I just need to know that you'll take it action. I'm not ready for this action, but yeah, we'll get him on because I think I'm ready to share a little bit of that experience. And um yeah, because you know, yeah, the healing journey that we're all on in the three a's, we can do this and we can get what you want. We can get what we want because we know what we don't want. Bottom line. Yep, Um, all right, this is an awesome show. So oh next week show it's going to be great because there might be a little One Tree Hillo reunion. Stay tuned, so here for those am

Whine Down with Jana Kramer

At the end of a long day, nothing is better than winding down and decompressing with a good friend,  
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