When you need a job done, you gotta call the best! Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger stops by to give Jana some much needed dating advice.
Jana gets real about what she wants in a man, and Patti shares exactly how to get it all!
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Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast. Hi Catherine, Hi, I miss you. I miss you too. I feel like I haven't like hung out with you for a second. It's been like a couple of days it's been You're not I feel like you're laughing at me and I don't know why. It's like, you know, when you feel like you're the butt of someone's joke, but yet like you know it, but then in my head you kind of are, Oh god, I'm just gonna can we fill in me and the listeners with the butt of the joke. It's way more fun in my head. Yeah, I'm not a don't I'm making No, there's nothing, nothing at all. I don't know how you tell me. I don't know what you mean. That's how I always feel like it is. I'm like, I feel like there's something you need to tell me, but I never know what it is. Yeah, well, um, I am going to Ireland. That's something, and Katherine was supposed to be coming and I want to talk about it. Oh, oh, what's fun. There's things I don't want to talk about, and there's things Katherine doesn't want to talk about. Her passport was expired, and then um, I didn't she never got it read whatever. It's a long story short, she's not coming, but it's going to be. I'm so pumped, like seriously, send me photos. I'm so excited for you. Which I started to freak out though, because I was telling my therapist, sorry correction, our therapist some things that I really want to do next year and kind of like, um, like a dream list of like what I want, and it was her idea, so things that you like spiritually, emotionally, physically, relationally, things that would just be and she goes and it's probably or financially like so out of reach. She goes, I mean like aim super big, so like under financially, it was like I want to buy a like house one time in a boat, and um, you know, spiritually, it's like I wanna uh do like I want to get baptized, I wanna go on this spiritual silence like there's like just like shooting bang on like everything. And then you know, she's like relationally and I was like, I go I just started laughing, and she was, what, I just it's cheesy. She goes, well, that's what it is. She's like, just let it be the cheesy Durne Like she's like, this is about like your like not your goals, but something that's like what would like what ignites you, what would make it exciting and happy? And I go, I have this image and she she was like, okay, explain and she has her pen and paper. I was like, I just have this. I go, but I think it's bad. I think it's a bad image. And she's like, can you just tell me what it is? Seriously, I'm dying to know. Okay. I've always made a big deal about my forty birth day. Always. I always said I wanted to just like blow it out, you know, even you know my acts, like we always talked about I'm like, I want a private plane. I want which, by the way, I don't have enough money for a private plane. But in my brain, I'm like I just wanted to be huge and just like fun and we can all fly Delta, but like in my flying were Southwest. I don't care because I've phoned like three times on a private plane. But just in my mind, I'm like, I've got my best friends, We're on a plane and we go to like an island does not to be a private island? Just like an island. I mean pig like go for it lane, private island, I know, but like in my brain is still like realistic, and so I like having all my friends and like dinner on the beach, and then I was like I want to get engaged on my forty birthday with like and then like fireworks, like of course the fucker works. I'm a sucker for fireworks. It's just like I cry every time, Like I just like I'm a socker. Like they didn't make me cry, but they're like so beautiful, you know, like there's just something like so like free about fireworks. Um and I go and she's like laughing at me, and she's like, no, that's great, and I was like, no, that's so bad because now I'm like, oh my god. If I'm yeah, I'm so nervous, like like it's where I was like single under the covers crying because I was just like I'm alone. So but I and also don't want to settle for you know that either. But at the same time, I'm like, after everything that I've been through, wouldn't that just be like incredible, It would be amazing. It's gonna be like whatever, guy, you're dating. Hey, she's turning for me. We're gonna eat fireworks for a ring. It's fine. No, I mean it's so like unrealistic. But at the same time it was one of those things where I was like, man, what did you kids? Just what a dream? But then yeah, um. But then another thing on there too was travel, like I want to go on a solo vacation, and when you were not going to come to Ireland, I was like, you know, and I'm not. I'm not ready for it right now, Like I'm not ready to go to Ireland, Like I'm thinking, like I want to go to like Florida by myself. You know. Um, I didn't think for a second you would go on around. But I don't blame you. I'm not saying that, like would you go to I like and yourself very independent person, and I don't know if I would go that far by myself. Yeah, that just seems like not not necessarily because I'd be scared too. I just don't think it would be and I love to be by myself, but I just don't think it'd be fun. Yeah. Um, But I did just do like kind of a solo tripp ish where I like did my own stuff this past week in in Boston, and it was like really nice. It was like kind of the first step into like driving a rental car and like exploring and it's really proud of you, and it looked yeah, it was. I think my therapist is gonna be mad at me. Well i'll tell I'll tell the story after, um, because we have an amazing guest and she's in the waiting room and it's all about dating Patti Stanger, So let's take a break and then bring her on and then I'll tell the story of Boston, all right now before we bring in Patty. I just got botox the other day because um, it was my I like to call it my every six month preventative lines and wrinkles because I like to still be natural. But um my, my botox doctor gives me like the actor talks, so I still can move, but um it's going to help reduce my fine lines and wrinkles. That's why I love it so much. Um, I've convinced all my friends, right Catherine, I'm always like, all right, girl, I love it. It's just so good and it's like the makeup doesn't increase in the lines, and um, it's been studied and I feel safe using it. It doesn't hurt, it looks good, and again it's all about that preventative, you know. Um So check out botox in your area because if you want to get rid of some of those fine lines and wrinkles, botox might just be the right option for you, like it was for me and Catherine and my friend Pamela down the street. Hi, Hi, Oh my god, Tyler, you did this good? Is my newest sistant. I loved you better closed up than it was before. Then it was back. I like that. Okay, you guys, we didn't mean to do that. This is not what you're gonna wear in a date right now, you know what? This is a great intro, Patty you mean you are. I'm so first of all honored to have you on the show because you are the best of the best. But I have question for you because you just said, like, I'm not gonna wear it's on a date. Why couldn't you're wearing that a date now? Unless you let it's the third date hiking but not the first day. I was like, what is going on today with lumberjacks? Did it? There is? But like it's me though you know, like I'm like, I like when you're like, you just got your boobs done, I want you to wear those tank tops and let the girls breathe. Okay, Well, I will say that people are getting very annoyedive how often I show my boobs on social media now and have boobs before, Like come on, you're allowed to be proud, come on, curiously. But I will say that I did go when I was and and I have to say to Patty has been incredible with me the last few months, like she's just been kind of my dating um go to where I'm just like, Patty, what do I do? I reached out to you when the Christis happened. I was like, call me, call me, call me, because I was there, so stick with the first time I did your your your pot your radio or podcast show, and he was there and it was like awkward and I read him him and he said I read him right of psychically reading him, and I'm like, yeah, don't do it again. Remember yeah, I said to him, do it again. You're done. That's it. No second chances, no third chances, four chances whatever. And he goes, Okay, I'm not gonna do it again. And then I was like, I don't know so, and you're so gorgeous and so talented and such a fine line with such a little bit low self esteem. We're working on your self esteem. We're trying to get you back, and I want girls to listen to this. You are the deal, not the guy. Okay, I know it seems like the guy has leverage right now with the you know, slipping into the d M s and you know, Cocta Instagram girls or the what do they call the only fans girls my favorite sorry only fans, But you know, you gotta like know that you're worth more and no more sex without monogamy. Okay, so that was a lot. I love this woman, Okay, who I have so many questions. Let me just start with all right, I'm here, Okay, my process breathe, Okay, come to me, children and give me your The first one is, honestly, I'm still stuck on the clothing because I remember I was dating or I was like hanging out this that one guy that I was talking to about, and I remember being like I asked him, I was like heels or these cute booties, and he's like heels. But in my mind, I'm like, I want to wear the booties, but like he thought heels were sex here. So then I'm like, well, why didn't I just wear what I want to freaking wear? And you gotta you have to mirror the guy. So the guy there's high top guys, there's heels, there's boots. You know, like my ex he was heels. So when we had sex, he'd go down. You know, I have a shoe wall, like everybody knows how to me, I'm addicted to shoes. I'm true, Carrie Bradshawn that way, he pulled up the shoes and we screwed with the shoes on. It was like whatever theme was tonight, you know the Red Shoes Diaries or you know that, you know the catwoman shoes. It was like crazy and I'd like, you know, I changed my personality and having sex because of the shoes. I mean, and I was like, can I wear my plan? Story? And I was like, I'm sorry, sorry, David Story met my birks and whatever, asking for a friend. How do long distance relationships work? Um, they're actually not bad. My mom got married long distance and she was married three times and she always got her man. It goes faster, so there's more of like do we want to be in this or not? And um, if there's a lag with holidays because you have kids, or New Year's or Valentine's Day, you know it's over because he's not coming forward. Um. Also, he has to make more initiative to see you. So the rule is every two weeks you must see each other. You must smell, taste, touch Tyler, we're live here on Kanda Cramer's podcast. Okay, seriously, my new assistant bumbling. Okay, so you want to see the person every two weeks. Can't just be auditory. Women fall in love auditory between between our ears because we're our new transmitters are working like that. Men are visual. So in order for the connection to solidify, you must taste touch of field. Now this obviously if you're in the army, you know, serving our country or doing something tremendous like you know, doctors that borders or whatever. I'm not talking about this. I'm talking about a basic normal. I live in New York, you live in l A. Are we gonna see each other? And if you don't make the initiative after a certain points, it will disintegrate. But a lot of times it heats up faster and goes I can't live without you. I'm sick of living, um so far away from you. And this could be even you know, like an hour away in the air, Like I live in New York and he lives in Silicon or two hours to San Diego. I have to drive, like it's not necessarily just he lives in my geographic here, I mean in l A. It's like, you know, the long distances west Hollywood to the West Side. Nobody wants to drive. So there's that. But a man who loves you a k dr Phil I posted this yesterday, will swim rivers, climb mountains to see you. And he's not engaging like that. The woman will get doubt and it'll disintegrate. What do you think I have done wrong? From the outside looking in? Well, the last one, which we will not mention his name, Um, you moved a little too quickly in the sex department, and because you were both so newly dating, there was this vulnerability between the two of you that you're scared. So it's almost better to find the guy who's been divorced a while. Divorcement are the best kept secret because they can commit. So I would recommend dating someone who's been divorced to three years and is ready for releaship. He's not grieving the loss of his ax. He does not in drama. There's no like I have to pay her child support, I have to pay her alimony, and I hate her guts and we're going to courtney. None of that. I want to see, like, hey, she's got someone. I'm ready to have someone. And you, my dear, I'm going to worship an adore you rather than and no more fame. Let's get the fame out of the way. That's another thing I don't like. Um, I see you with a businessman, a ranch owner, somebody who really can provide for you that you don't have to worry about money. I'm sorry, I see the best for you a tech guy. Let's get a cute tech guy and dress him, you know, take him to Bloomingdale's, look hot, and all of a sudden he becomes a fine wine. But you know he owns Google or something like. That's fair. That's a good plan, you know. I'm like, I hear this. We we had tried dating someone normal, we had we was and my friends were like, you know, they really were like voting for like the normal. Um. But it was interesting because when because her husband is like my my big brother, like he's he's kind of been through like the you know the I don't like him and you know he did well. He's the barometer to tell you if he's a good dude or badger. Because her husband is looking at for your best and she's she's like your brother and she's like your sister. So you've got family here, which I love. Um, she's looking out for you and that's good. The last one I really like, the astrology, and the last one I was really bummed out the way he handled it. I could I could kick him right now. But Taurus, you know I told you I'm dating one and they're like, I'm Gemini. It's like killing me. They are so slow and they think in their head. They're in their head too much. You need to be more in their dick, you know what I mean, because because it becomes like over obsessing. And I want to have fun and I want to be light and airy, and you want to be romantic. You know what sign are you? Jenna? I forgot right. You're like me some Gemini. So we need that fluidity. We don't want to be grounded to the point where we can't have fun, because you already grounded with your kids. So we need someone to take you away, you know, give you that fine week in a way where your mind is turned off. Because we're pretty fast in our brains. So I don't mean normal where he doesn't. He's not dynamic, So I want normal dynamic. So there's a difference. That's kind of like what her husband was saying too, because you know, when I had this person come over and meet people, you know, he wasn't famous, and um, it was a normal person. But her husband was like, he's the farthest thing from normal because of I mean, yeah, he's got like a normal job, but the way he talks about things, the way he you know, it just I don't know it just he wasn't and like I don't like someone that's like money money, Like like, yeah, I don't care. You're hustling, right, I got your Christmas movie coming out. You're always on the roster with Lifetime and you know, I'm sure you're gonna get Netflix and all that stuff. Um in Hallmarks, you come back to hall ork um because I make um. But the point I'm making is that you've got your pop asked, you got your products, your Instagram's cranking, and then you've got this acting career which you know you're you're amazing at, and music your new single. He's got to understand that this is your world and he can't be intimidated. He can't be thinking about your money to pay his bills. So dynamic means I'm I could be a scientist and an inventor of something, and I love what I do and I make money, and I come to the table at dinner and I talk about my you talk about your We give each other advice. Um, so I'm dating somebody like that right now. Like he builds homes, and it's like when he talks about work, I'm turned on. And the other day I said, you haven't talked about work in a while, and he goes, I haven't, And I go, I thought you'd be bored like a board, like when you talk about work. I am so turned on because I love that he builds these homes for very famous people and they're gorgeous, Like I'm in awe that I went to see one of them in Beverlyals and I was like, you made this like, it's pretty amazing, so um dynamic. But he's normal, not a gazillionaire. He's normal. You know. He pays for the dinner, he takes me out, he plants, and the date is a true gentleman like that, that's what you want. I'm sexually attracted. He has dad energy. I like the dad energy. I like that soothing dad energy. You know, like you're not it's not dangerous, like when can you have When can you have sex with someone? Though, well, when you get have sex on the first date, but they have to give you monogamy. Okay, okay, I don't have I don't have to. I don't have So let's let's preface. You're over a certain age and you've got you're in menopause, you have no oxytocin, clean your pipes up, protect yourself, you know, do your thing, um, use a robber condom whatever, perform at birth control to protects you from from STDs and all that stuff. But I'm not gonna bond. I'm gonna be more like, do I really like him after of sex? So I'm kind of trying the goods out. Okay, You, on the other hand, or opposite that, you've oxytocin. So every time you sleep with someone, you emotionally bond and it can hurt you take a long time for you to get over that person of the way they treated you, because to him, sex is sex. Men fall in love emotionally, not through sex. But to tell women this, they don't get it. They fall in love with the with the routine, calling you, seeing you, even going to CBS and waiting on that awful line. You know what I'm saying to get your drugs, the terrible line. So what I'm trying to say is like they fall in love with consistency and then they emotionally fault. They do not fall in love sexually. They might like you sexually, but they're not gonna fall in love with you and give you a ring for that, right m hm, I am How do I say this? Um? Asking for a friend, I say you should vibrate or more and less of him until he showed he is. I believe in vibration as your favorite boyfriend until that man shows up and says I'm trustworthy. I'm gonna text you, I'm gonna pay for you, I'm gonna take care of you, I'm gonna show you the world if they can't do that. Back to the vibrator, I agree with that. I mean, so do I because we all need our needs met. You know, you get especially if you drink. You know, you get too tequilas and you and you are knocking out your brain to become beta to alpha. So when a woman drinks, she becomes outphas pretty most aggressive. When a man drinks, he becomes passive, he becomes beta. So if you keep drinking on these dates, you're not really feeling the normalcy of who you really are, and you're getting clouded vision and it's fought and you can have great sex. Drunk sex is the best sex. I mean, come on, I'm the first one to say with tequila you get babies. But at the same time, it's also clouding your vision of the true relationship of what you want because that's just a moment in time and that's not gonna give you. That's not gonna pay the bills at the end of the day, so to speak. I agree. Um Let's say you have a boyfriend, right, it's a new relationship. How do you how do you keep that relationship? Um? No, especially if you're like especially not getting afraid of it. Well, like, if you're like afraid of it, what do you mean by afraid of it? Give me? Give me more example, are we talking about here, We're talking about a friend of yours, We're talking about you. What's going on here? I mean, we don't need to put a label friend. If you want me to assess the situation, I need the details, so I need to know. Let's just say a newly divorced person has a boyfriend and is like, it's scary scary. Let's go to scare Why is it scary like a a failure that you're going to fail again because you fail before. This person might feel fail yeah, that they might fail again or doesn't like or like oh lash, would it work because it's long distance? Or is he questioning it? Are you questioning it? Are the person girl? Is the girl questioning? Or the way is the friend? I think the friend is? Um? It's just like, how do I say that the friend is worried? Is the girl? The girl is worried that you know? Um? Because she always goes like, well we don't live in the same state and this and that, like how is it gonna work? Okay, okay, okay, that's not if you are over analyzing. That relationship is over before you got interest. So you have to be present in this relationship. You have to take it like it's the last. If you decided to be exclusive, you're exclusive, give it all you got. If you decided to keep your options open and this is just dating, then all you can count on is the date and time that when you go on the date with the person, and no more, nothing less. So you can do could data parent a spare like my book Become your Own Matchmaker and Amazon talks about this, You can data parent a spare three people at all times now. The first one is the person you really really want. You wait for the phone to ring. You can't believe you know he's He's so exciting you can't wait to go on the The second one is the customer. He's the over analyzer one. He's the one you're like, I'm not really sure, maybe not tall enough, not hot enough, not rich enough, not whatever enough. And then the third is the friend. He's cute, you can hang out with him, you can take him to your sister's wedding, but at the end of the day, you never see yourself married to him. A lot of times, the friend becomes the first one, by the way, the one you end up marrying. So these positions rotate over time. If you keep busy at three at all times, and I know it's hard to even get one. Do you tell the other guys that you're dating? We're talking? It is an unspoken rule that you are dating till he says to you, are you dating anyone? Say I'm dating and then stop awkward pause, and then he should say, well, alan want to see you, and then you have the option to say yes or no. Now when he offers you sex, you know, God, you need to read my book, Joan. I wanted my books last time. We don't know how to date. I don't know how to out. I don't know how to date. Details are really in there and you can always download it on m sound like kind or whatever. So when you are in a position of wanting monogamy right off the bat, he can do it after the first strike with sex, and then you stay to him. You know, there's a whole I'm not gonna go through all the dialogue, but the basics are. You know, I'm not that type of girl who sleeps around. Um, I think you're really attractive. I really like you. I just don't feel safe that way. He'll go, what will make you feel safe? You'll go monogamy. You don't say marriage, just say monogamy. I want to I don't want to date. I don't want to sleep with a bunch of people. I want to be exclusive. Now, in this day and age between COVID and STDs, a normal guy would go, what are you talking about? We are monogamous? He might assume it, but you have to verbally stay down the record and probably the silver lighted day not where he's trying to get you in his pants, and you have a You have a conversation, And the biggest problem women have is they don't have conversations with mid All you do is spin in your head? What could it be? Why is are you doing this? But but you don't say to him, Hey, why'd you do this? When I made you confront the last one, you got the answer. I said, you need to talk to him and get down to you know, get down a business here, like no more game playing? What's the story here? And even though it was hard for you to process, it gave you the strength to go I could do that again, and I could do it earlier in the relationship, I can say to myself, what do you want and what do you want to do? Now, there are a lot of men in line going to these women, what do you want a relationship? I had one the other day. I was like, you know, what do you want? I was like, what do you mean? What do I want? And I was shocked that he asked me fifty million questions. And I really like the other guy, so I was like, who cares? But the point I'm making is that, um, he went so deep because he's so afraid to get hurt. He's hedging. He's like a lawyer, you know, vetting me like a politician. And we haven't even got met him yet. I haven't even seen him on a FaceTime So I'm like, whoa. So that's good, that's good. That's leave this buyer's questions. That means he's serious about a relationship, probably got hurt, probably wants to make sure he's not gonna get hurt again. And you could do the same thing, not naggingly. You can stay to him. Listen, we're in different cities. How's this gonna work? What's the game plan? Where do you say yourself in two years you want to be married. Can you see yourself your wife moves to you, or you moved to your wife, Like could you see these things? And then they will tell you the picture. In the early stages, there is no attachment, so they'll tell you the truth. They won't they won't hesitate to go boom. Men are just lunch. They just say it. Women are the ones that hold back. We're you know, we're the original cheaters, not men. Statistically, women cheat more than then we just don't talk about it because we're embarrassed. Okay, But the bottom line is if you say to them, what's your plan where you see this going, They're gonna tell you everything and you will make a decision. Now, there's a sociopath in every group, but we're not talking about associate bath a person. It's so true though, Like how we because I have a little um we're called the queendom text thread with you know, three of my best girlfriends and you know how when I talk about you know who I'm talking to or whatever, and they're like just ask and I'm like, because we I we make up these things and it's like, it's why why don't you do that? What's what is your hesitcy to ask what's gonna have, what's the worst thing that's going to happen? The what I don't want to hear, which is what I don't want to dat you anymore. We have rejection. Okay, so when you feel rejection, it's God's protection. You must go to the place of this is not my person. I want you to watch the series of Love Life with Anna Chandrick. I fought watching the series when it first came in. I was like, Oh, it looks stupid, it looks dumb. It is the best series on television for love and I don't say that very often. Um. She goes through each episode, she goes through a new guy and she's heartbroken and she can't get to the one that she wants to get married. So it takes place in New York. Um the very famous, um, very famous actress is the voice over. She's British Leslie man Bill. Amazing actress by the way, and UM, we're watching it from her from her point of view. And as a woman, I went through the same thing she went. Now, I was adopted, so I was a people pleaser. I was not good enough to be loved because I was given away so I had a bandoment issues and every relationship would show up with this threat. And recently the guy that I'm dating is like the spiritual guru, and he said to me, what if you never get rid of your abandonment issue, because you probably won't. It's how you handle the abandoned issue. It's get to a point where it doesn't trigger me anymore. Like or someone says to me, why are you single and why are you not married? And you're a matchmaker because I have my own issues, you know. And so what you have to do is look at the rejection as a gift because it's going to teach you to be stronger. And the next guy that comes along that says that to you says, he goesn't right for me anyway. God is taking him out of the game because he's gonna waste my time. He's a place card holder. You don't want place card holder. You want the real deal. And that's just gonna move you further every person you meet as you further further to the target. So you can't look at his rejection. You got to look at his gift. You dodged a bullet, right, But you don't look you don't look at it that way, because you look at it like I was pretty enough, and you go to these weird and secure places because I know you, so you go to like I'm not pretty enough, I'm not this enough, I'm not sexy enough. And that's not what's about. They have their own issues when they come to this this party. Yeah, you know, I mean, and it is it's that the childhood thing like, oh, it wasn't good enough for my dad to stay, you know, so of course my dad is an alcoholic. Same thing, it's like, why would any other man stay? And the other thing is why do you have to track the same type of man as the dad he cheated the addiction because because your exit edition issues, so it's still in the same family of addiction. And you're saying, why am I trying to heal this person? You're not the doctor here. You're supposed to go you're a good dad, but you're not good for me. Well and that yeah, and with that, like I've looked at like the pattern, I'm like, oh my god, everyone I've ever picked has been unavailable to dad was unavailable, Yeah, I mean, it was all unavailable. But then when there is the available I'm like, that's scary. I don't know, and my friends are like, so why is it scary? Is because it's unfamiliar. So RECIPI, or the famous note therapist, is one of my best friends. You can watch our YouTube talks about this. The mind only knows what's familiar. So if you've had bad boys, there could be a thousand good guys in the room, you will go right to the bad boy you were. Mine will generally it's called the RAS, the reticulating activated system. Your mind will go straight to the one thing it knows and it's familiar. To undo the mind, we have to do unfamiliar things that are uncomfortable, that are out of our comfort zone. If you start doing that, better men are going to show up because you're gonna go Like, So the guy that I'm dating, it's totally He says, he feels like he knows me for a thousand years. I don't feel that way. I said, I'm an alien visiting your planet. He's very unusual, and so he doesn't feel familiar. But he's unfamiliar where I'm learning things about myself through him, and even if we broke up, I'm learning stuff about myself that I didn't know about that. I'm healing myself, you know, and so every person that shows up is a gift. And once you look at it this way and go our time together has ended. I'm off to the next one. You're not a failure once you get on Instagram. You think you're failure. Once you watch those idiot couples and you find out, oh my god, they weren't in love. Split spill where I read about myself on Reddit because those exactly was on a terrible trail, like one in the morning last night. I was like, oh, yeah, I'm a terrible person, right, And when you look at those when you look at those couples and you feel so bad on a Sunday afternoon and you open up the app and they had this amazing weekend and they're in the sun, they're on the boat. The boat. But but and then you find out they really hate each other. So like that's a story they're telling to get money, you know, they're like, have their image and they want to make money off of Instagram. That's not the reality of the situation. You know, those couples you see at school with the pickups, lots of those, lots of what's going on in that neighborhood behind closed doors. I deal with them all the time. They are miserable. So what you have to do is say I can't. I gotta stay centered and stay on course. I want my true love and nothing is going to stop me from getting it. Nothing, you know where I think I was telling my girlfriends because they were asking me, like what I was scared about? I said, I think I'm so scared of being duped again. You had trauma, Johnny, You've had trauma and you kept taking it back. How could you possibly not feel that way? Like, give yourself a break. A therapist would probably put you in the chair for a hundred years for that. I'm not going to do that. I'm gonna fix that now. Yes, love yourself. Yes you got duped, you were gasp and lit. But that's on him, not you. That's his karma. You don't have to come back next lifetime with him, and you can say I don't want to. I'm don't want a man like that again. So trust is till they don't. You can't till you don't get trust enough, like in other words, like they will be there showing up and giving you until they break the trust they lie to you, You're done. We found out X lie to you last time, right, he did a little thing on something app so we now know he was lying. And so even if he wasn't lying, the trust was broken. So if you keep looking for it to be broken, it will keep showing up broken. You have to say to yourself, I attract trustworthy men who love and ador me, who are compatible to me. And you got to say it over and over again. You changed the brain monitoring is so good to change the bain before you go sleep, when you wake up on the toilet, do it in the shower. Keep saying your mantra. You will make your own mantrap. That's your homework assignment. One line that's really quick you can remember. And you put now at the end of the sentence, so you would go, I attract compatible men who are honest, trustworthy, and adore and love me now because compatible means you have chemistry, that you have a lot of things in common. And then you get in the shower and you say it over again. You wake up in the morning, you stay it overnight the night before, when you get to sleep, and you say it in your sleep, it'll seep into your subconscious and it'll retrain the brain. Because the brain is programmed to be fearful flight or flight dinostaurs are dinostaurs are chasing us. What we want to do is feel relaxed, no anxiety. And then when you're relax and no anxiety, the guy comes in. Relax, no anxiety, Mirror to mirror. This is all it's like, this is all subconscious. What's going on your your trauma, your childhood does not define you. It's teaching you to overcome obstacles. That's all it is. You can do this. It is easy. I see this with my clients all the time. When I do coaching with clients, I retrain their brain so that even if I'm not fixing them up, they could step off the plane and there's the magical god that they've been looking for. And I see that with all my clients. But you've got to do the work. It doesn't magically just show up because you have trauma. So trauma tracks trauma. You attract another person with trauma too. I had some people right in some questions on Instagram, and I waited through some of them. But I'm gonna go through lightning round with you biggest red flags early on there on Instagram too much, and they got a lot of hot girls on their Instagram. I mean that's the truth. I'm not gonna lie about that now. I don't mean that they're Chris Evans and they got a five million Instagram girls because it's Chris Evans. He's an avenger. Okay, I'm talking average guy has more women than men. They're all the type that he likes. He's following them. They're following men. They're flirting on Instagram or TikTok or whatever social media you use. How to move on from an X and experience life when you've been in a rut. Well, you know, I have a website called Detracting a Soulmate and it is It is subliminals, isochronics, bio chronics, which you retrains the brain. You listen to music, you could be cleaning your house or sleeping. There's typnosis, there's meditation, Jovitelly the Star of the Secrets on there, and once you start listening. I have one that gets over the X. And I have told I have told more people to use this and they have come back to me and said, this thing works. Kelly howe Is wanted to lead in Pioneers of Subliminals, and I was a big fan of person. I created my own. It's probably the best thing you could do because you're in pain and you want to get over the pain, the memories, the loss feeling. Your dream is done, so we have to create another dream to replace that. Once you start living in that dream in your mind, not in reality, in your mind, he wipes away, he goes away, because now you're in this new dream and then the person shows up. So it's a very stuff conscious, this stuff. But these tools that I created were because people can't sit in therapy for a thousand years and talk about the bullshit. Sure how did not get discouraged with online dating. So I was online for two years during the pandemic, and I was incredibly discouraged, and I was not upset with the apps. I was like, bumble, I think Whitney. I'm so proud of Whitney being screwed over a Tinder and with those guys and creating the greatest app the black Stune just bought. She's a billionaire and it's just went back. I'm so I'm so in of her. Um. But it was a very passive aggress It's about you get men on this app and bumble and they want us to make the first move, and then it would be men that wanted, you know, us to um chase them. So I was surprised I found an alfa on that app because I found the sky on the app. But it took two years and I was miserable. But the last boyfriend I met I met on Plenty of Fish who I lived with David from the show, and I worked for Marcus who owns plenty because she created Swipe left and Swipe right. Until Match Bottom, I had a great experience on. So you will have good experiences and bad experiences on every app. The key is to find the app that makes you feel good. So switch around and there's niche apps. There's like, you know, dog lovers or us and there's like I'm a vegan and I love politics and I love fitness, and their niche apps are smaller and they may not be as big as Hinge or Tinder or whatever, but they're gonna be more to your interests. And then there's meet Up. I think meet Up is one of the best places too. I know we were in a pandemic for two years, but we're starting to get out there now, even if we wear a mask. So if you love wine, there's wine lovers. If you love hiking, there's hiking lovers. Like start using different mediums till something. If you hit one on any of these apps, you're gonna feel good, even if it doesn't work out. The key is to keep saying I attract quality men on the apps, and if you keep saying it over again, like when I'm swiping left and right, I'm going I attrack quality ment, I attract quality men, attract quality meant and then start betterment, start showing up well, Patty, how can how can our listeners be a client of yours? Read your stuff? Like to give it right now? Okay, So you can go to Millionaires Club one to three dot com. There's an S and Millionaire's Club one to three dot com and just ball the application process, whether you're a millionaire or millionaires gear straight our fluid trans whatever, I'm lb G t Q probably P. I don't remember all the wet letters, but they know what I'm talking about. And then if you just want to join and you don't have money and you want me to fix you up, you can register for free all all those categories. But UM, I handle certain selective clients. I handle the v I p s, the high end money guys. I'm really mostly work with the men. And then my partner who runs my company, Erica, she runs the women's division. So we partnered our companies together. Um we even have a small millennial company for less money called Sinc. So there's that. And you know, we're international. We're in two hundred countries, so we're all over the world. Caroline Stansbury is about to open up in Europe for me. She's one of my close friends from Ladies of London and she's shooting a show for BRABO right now. I'm really excited about that. So she's going to be opening up Europe. We just opened up in Silicon Valley and now we're hoping to do Nashville next because I love those I love the cowboys. I love to horseback ride. So I have a lot of friends in Nashville. Three of my friends live a Nashville and they're are like, come and buy a house here, you know, and like and so I love the country scene. But we do everybody, you know, Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Muslim, it doesn't matter. We were all encompassing, all access dating. And the other thing is you can read my book or you can contact me on Instagram. You can DM me if you want a console or you want me to coach you. I love it well, Patti, thank you so much. I appreciate you. I want to I want to tell you one more, one more quick thing. So I have a tool for everyone to use if you're dating. It's called I Have Loved dot Com. It's a fair moon. I'm sending you guys some samples. Okay, um, I've been using this company for five years, not getting paid right now to talk about them. This is not a this is not a you know, endorsement deal. This is strictly because it works. It's a pheromone strayer, gay, straight or gay. There's different ones. You go on I have Love dot Com and it will bring them into you. And when I spray that stuff on, men go wild. I have tested it without at the bar. I would love you, guys to do an experiment online with Janna. You take her out, she sprays, and then you study who's coming up to her, maybe even if maybe like a parents without partners event or someplace where they're single men. You know, the merryman might come over to I can't stop that. You're kicking up the kids one morning. Don't blame me, but like put it on when your ex comes over to pick up the kids. See what he does. That's one of us. You're gonna love that I've loved. We're gonna send out some samples or send up some some gifts for you chat keys. But everyone should. It's so it's like forty bucks. It's nothing, and attracting a soul meat is only. But I want to send out Everybody kept saying to me, what can I do? What can I do? First of all, we got to get out of the house. We can FaceTime on the second call like one call FaceTime, then go out of the house because of COVID, But um, you got to use these tools. You know, it's really competitive out there with those little hotti pitaties. This girls. It's not easy for the woman. Yeah, no, it's it's not especially when uh men just get better looking older and women just yes and they just want younger girls. You you are studying, and I'm so surprised at some actor like some like you know, the cute one that I know he's married, but the cute one that produced the movie that you were on with Maria. I was like, Wow, they're cute together. And that was like he's brobably married because all those Hallmark and Lifetime guys are married. But I was like, why can't we find someone through like from the not the one trill, one tree heel category, but like, you know some cute little actor who's like a normal guy who's trying to make his own money. Which, by the way, um there's there was a site what's it called do Do MOI don I just spoke. I just did there. I just did them. Well, I just they had said something about how it was dating Ryan and I'm just like things like that are so that's not true. But I'll tell you. I'll tell you it's well, it's it's so um, it's so wrong and so um. I was telling her. I was like, it's just harmful. I'm like, he's married to and I love his wife. They're just yes, I'm very fun and flirty on sets posting what she can't she can't check it out. She's not like a detective. I know he does a really good job. She's added a lot of cool stuff. But I agree with you. It's very damn. I just think for the people that like go on that site and um, just just just try just either make up things just because they say, oh, we had great chemistry, Like yes, Ryan and I had great chemistry, but like you were actors, and he's a really good friend of yours, very very good friend, married nineteen years, has an amazing wife. And it's like that's now, like that's not fair for anybody, like you know, and to just make up stuff. And so I just like sites like that. I'm like, but but Joanne, look look at this. If you're attracted him, just hypothetically, not that you are. If you're attracted him, I would take him and put it into your visualization before you go to sleep tonight and say I want somebody like that, or you take any celebrity crush, wrap it. It doesn't matter. Pick your celebrity crush. Who's your celebrity crush? That's an interesting question. Let me ask you a question. Who's your celebrity crush? Mine? Yeah, who's it? Charlie Huntum, oh my god, so do I love him? I watched, but like it's just Jack's make sense, Like I don't know if I like if my if my celebrity crush is Charlie Hunt um or it's like I think it's Jack's like the girl. I like him and I like him in The Englishman, that Englishman movie where he's British, so you have to watch him. He's British and he's like a it's like the Mafia and he's the connector to the mafia. It's like really good. He's amazing part of that. But anyway, okay, so take that, use him in your power tech start visualism. This is like this works. I did this with my best friend, um. He was in love with a girl. They broke up six months ago and she wouldn't see him. She even send I'm gonna send it restraining order to him, and I said, okay, do you believe that I could make her come to you? He goes, I don't know. I said, no, I go watch this. So we worked every day and he was going down in Miami and she deemed him and said can I see you? And the way we worked it as he visualized every day before he went to bed that he was in love with her and they were having this magical relationship regardless of what she was doing in her life or thinking. He didn't let her on Instagram affect him. She deemed him another dating So here's the story. Take him, put them in your into your workshop, your visualization. Every night before you go to bed, tune out the lights, tune out the business, tune out the day, tune out the kids, and just let him come to you. And I bet you'll look alike shows up. If it's not him, who knows he's not married yet, so we don't know what could happen. We're not looking for him, You're looking for someone of that vibrational frequency that looks like him, who treats you like gold. Because we don't know what Charlie is really like in relationship. And that's good. Unless you know the better, you can manifest. So let's manifest love for you internally versus going out there externally and going on the scene. Because the truth of marriage, you don't know what movie you're gonna get next, and who's gonna shop and who's in the middle of a dworce or who hasn't gotten married. You don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. Or you go to the grocery store and a new guy bought a house in your neighborhood. You don't know, but you can draw love to you. And that's what I'm trying to teach people. It works. I did it with this guy. I worked on myself for two years straight. I was sick of it and I didn't want the same type of man. I kept getting the emotionally unavailable hot guy. So I kept getting and I was like, why do I keep getting? This is because of the abandonment issue, trying to get my dad's love or my mom's lave. So you can do this, and I bet you it works. I can work with you. You can DM me and we can spend We'll do some consolets on the phone without the podcast, and then we'll come back and talk about it. Okay, thank you, Patty. I have her on speed dial. She's funny because she's just she's got good, good tips, and I take, you know, I take kind of everything what people say, and then I form my what I'm gonna do, what I'm really good because I'm really gonna end up doing what I wanted. Of course, there's she has some great tips. So she did like I remember, you know, like I don't really listen to people like when Mark's like no and I'm like yeah, so it's it's like it's so it's like one of those up there is Oh you're in studio boss man, check me out. He looks so official. Well, thank you very much. It's gonna be back. So you're like, back back. Yeah, well we're back back, kind of part time, back back, but it's going to be back back. Yeah. Oh my god. It feels like I have a life again. It feels like, you know, like I have a purpose in the world where they're just never leaving the spare room in my house. Yeah, I mean I missed the fan, you know, like in the closet and the fans. But no, that must be weird though, But that's good that you're back in the It is nice. It's starting to get back to a little bit of regular left, although it's still pretty much a ghost town here. There's really very few people here. Wow. Crazy interesting. I wanted to play that game, but I don't know if we have time today. Huh. Yeah. I think the game's gonna take a side side side side side. We're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna put it to the side for we're going to do it at some point. Yes, maybe. Oh so does that mean that one of the race cars has taken the lead? Um? One has taken the lead? Yes? Yeah, excellent, Okay, I think that I would approve of this. Possibly, that's a good question. Can I ask if you questions? Excited and he's like, all right, let's do this again. Sure? Okay. This is where I feel like I'm gonna vomit. It kind of makes me want to vomit to you a little bit. Is this person an athlete? Is this person a musician? Is this person an actor? Potentially? Is it Charlie Huntum? Okay, um, Mark, he's going to get it starting like to sweat. Just give me a level of fame, like if I went to his IMDb be a long, long scroll or would it be a more petite scroll? Maybe maybe one page? Um? Respected a respected actor? Wow? Okay, this is exciting. I think I think this is exciting. I have some concerns, but we don't have We're gonna do it now. I know you have things to do, but I'm intrigued. I got in three guesses, Amy, we already got it, Wilt in three guesses. I don't know, but you know what I saw this quote, um Instagram. I'm keeping this new dude private. I overhyped the last one. That's probably smart. Yeah, I think you know in the beginning you just kind of cut out all the outside noise and figure it out before you fill in the listeners, because who knows, yeah for sure? Right, all right, I have a million more questions, but I don't want you to feel nauseous, so I'll just stop. Okay, Thanks, I love you because right now I'm still focusing on me, that's right, and doing my work. So um but out to be continued. I'll share the rest of Boston and all that stuff later, so you better listen for next week. Goodbye, bye m