Jana and Mike connect with their friend Sara Gretzky, who shares her powerful experience with miscarriage in the first few months of her marriage.
Dr. Nita Landry from “The Doctors” has some amazing advice for women experiencing infertility struggles.
And Teddi Mellencamp joins Jana and Mike to share her pregnancy journey after battling infertility.
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
Wind down Kramer micro coffin and oh that's good. We've never really added that aspect is to it? Ah, I did, I'm a day in paradise. In paradise, I am. I'm really excited because next week we are announcing something huge, beak Time, that we've been working on forever, and I'm just so excited to announce it. What do you know? No, I can't tell you you know, I just you know, you know, but you like, you know, you know, you just don't know which one? Do they know that we know that they know. Um, y'all know the voice, it's Sarah Gretzky. Um. Well, first things first, I heard from a friend that l A just got shut down until August. Is that true? Well, the so that's like the rumor because apparently the l A Times, like I wrote an article and then the mayor came out yesterday and was like scolding the l A Times and was like I never said that, Like this is all just media hyping it up. I just said that it's not opening soon. So here we are not knowing who to believe. But I don't know. It's frustrating, very um makes me thankful that we're not there. Yeah, yeah, I just I missed the I miss just the beach though, Like I missed being outside and that where you can be outside every single day. Yeah, for sure. But I was just talking to you know, somebody's out there recently and they're just talking about how, you know, especially somewhere as populated as they are with it being so nice out, half the people are listening and staying quarantine doing that, and yeah, half the people just like if it, I'm going to the beach, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. Yeah, it's chaos. The nice weather helps, but doesn't help, you know. It rained the other day and I was like, wow, I bet this is the first time people have actually stayed inside because it just makes it easier. When it's nice out, you want to get outside. You want to get fresh air of the sun. But I don't know, we need this to end, all right, Sarah. So, um, I feel the energy. I know. Um, I like, I'm so anxious. I can't So do you do you want to? I just I want you to have the floor because something happened and you know you're yeah. I just I just love you, and um go for it, my friend. How are you feeling though? Like just like just to start it off, like are you nervous right now? To yeah, I'm nervous, I'm anxious. I'm so anxious, but I am I feel fine, like my body feels fine. Um. Well, I guess I'll just come right out and I can go into detail. But I um and miscarry during quarantine, which feels so weird to say. It feels weird to not like it. I'm admitting something, but it feels weird to like acknowledge. Um. Two weeks into quarantine, when we were in Colorado, I just I just had the It all sounds so cliche, but it was just that feeling. And it was that I felt so sick, and I'm like, okay, my options are corona or I'm pregnant, and both of them scared me. And so I took a pregnancy test and then I took ten, and then I took like literally fifteen. We're all positive. Um. And obviously it was the best feeling ever. I couldn't even believe what I was seeing because we just got married. Like it was like that, um, And that's never how I expected it. I always I'm like a realist, so I knew, you know, it takes time, it takes it takes a lot to go right for that to happen. Um. I obviously told Ty right away, and I was just hesitant. It's really weird now looking back, I didn't tell anyone. I was so freaked out, not because I was pregnant, but because of all the things I know. UM, and it was obviously really so I just kind of I didn't want to tell anyone. I really wanted to keep it to myself. UM. But we we ended up telling just our parents, UM a week later. And then the next day I just was off. I was in pain all day. I I I went to Google, which is the worst thing to do now. Um, I just knew something was off. And then I woke up the next morning on Easter Sunday, and when you know, you know, ladies, if you know, there was a lot of evidence that that I knew I had miscarried. So that made for a tough Easter Sunday, and it just made for a tough quarantine. UM. I mean, God blessed Hi. I even wrote in my little like journal, I've never loved him more because I don't think you're prepared for that. And I know he wasn't prepared for that with me, because I don't think I cried at the wedding. I cried for two weeks. I couldn't stop, and so from that Easter Sunday, I just for I couldn't. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know the hormone. I didn't know what was happening with my body. I didn't know what was happening inside my body. And I just was a mess for like two weeks. And I think that, really, you know, that's something hard for him to see. He's never had to deal with me like that. Well, you're you're not a You're not a crier. I mean the first time I heard you cry ever, was when this happened. I mean you texted me like call me, and I feel awful now, but like the first thing I said is, oh my god, are you pregnant? You know, because I knew you guys were trying. And then when you said I was, I just instantly like I've just and then when I called you, and I think what broke my heart even more is like you know, you're you're bawling in rightfully, so you're so upset, and what broke my heart is because you know, from having miscarriages and feeling that same way. It broke my heart that you felt like, what is wrong with me? And it's so hard to reassure someone in that situation because Mike could tell me there's nothing wrong with me. This person could tell me it's normal, but I'm like, no, like we take it so like something is wrong with my body. I'm not a woman. And when I heard you say that, that's just like that broke me for you because I just was like I didn't know if my words were even if you could even hear it in that moment. It's just so which I'm sure it is so common, but it's like everyone can say it's not your fault, it's not your fault, but it's like if you get in a car accident, you know, and Julie's in the backseat and Julie gets hurt, even if someone hits you, you still think it's your fault because you were driving. So like that's how I spell. I literally kept saying that over and over to time because I'm like, I got to explain it to him in some way, and that's the only way I could think about it. Is like I'm driving this and it might not be my fault, but I was in charge and and I was, you know, maybe working out too much or not enough or you can go a million different ways. When I think, is that because I think when we have spoken to and you've done the same thing that you know we've all done, like you you went down the rabbit hole. Oh oh it was and still even now, and that's why it's like I didn't tell anyone, and so yeah, I'm even more anxious for this to come out, but like, how do you which I wish it was more normal and I'm hoping to make it more normal. But even like I was like, how do I tell you? And you've been through it, but it's not something you just pick up the phone and you're like, hey, how are you? Oh my god, quarantine sucks. Yeah, I know, I'm you know, conversation and that's why I'm like, I just I didn't know how to tell people or how to even bring it up, and so it just has made for a hell of a quarantine. I'm so sorry, I you know, I it's just it breaks my heart and I I just I it's just it's such a such a sad situation, because I never want you to feel like, yes, I understand you're driving the car, but also there are I truly believe it's God's He's you know, he's how do I say it? Where he's still that wasn't. Yeah, there's something maybe wrong and he was saving and it just wasn't. That wasn't supposed to be. And but that doesn't make it any easier. That's a thing like I still I'm like, Okay, when people told me that, I'm like, fine, but why wasn't it? Is it? You know, I don't understand, like, and that's that's a hard realization. And that's how that was the hardest part for me, is just I think going to tie because again, and I'm sure Mike, Mike didn't really know, Like even when I told him, he was like, so what does that mean? You know? He's like, so what does that mean for you? Like, it's just a weird it's so known, but it's so unknown, and I didn't even know how to tell him, and I didn't even know how to break it to him. And I just I I think we all know that I carry the not the strength, but I keep it calm, I keep us cool. I keep it collected, and I was just a ship show. And I think that really scared him to see me so broken, but then me trying to be strong for him, and him trying to be strong for me, because I had to remind myself he lost too. It wasn't just me, you know, he was crying to he was upset because this is him too. It just feels more personal because it was in my body. I think what you said too is another good point with Okay, you here miscarriage. That's not tape. People know what that is. But then you, like you said, there's it's not just there's a miscarriage and that's it. It's you know, there's a process afterwards, depending on how far along you are, what you let it pass naturally? You're what's the procedure? We had a d n C d n C you're you know, which is almost like reliving and having to grieve all over again after you find out that you have a miscarriage. Then it's like once you physically pass it or get things medically taken care of, it's almost like the grief you starts all over again, because then it's then it's reality, you know, um, And like until that year passes. It's like, oh, this would have been my due day. This would So it's like you're constantly being reminded of that, and it's just and even I think you're so much more sensitive to it. Obvious obviously, but you know, I'm on Mother's Day, I'm thinking, oh, I would have been this much. My best friend he and his wife are do in August, and he'll send me pictures. He has no idea what's going on, but he sends me pictures because he's so excited, and it just takes Oh my god, I would have been two months behind. You know, there's just so many weird I don't know, it's so weird, and I just feel for anyone obviously who's gone through this. But the Q has made it ten times more lonely than I think it it normally is, which is also why I'm glad we're doing this, because I mean, what we've been in quarantine now how many weeks? There's got to be tons of people well, and like, you know, we saw Emma, our makeup artist, you know, she miscarried, had a d NC and and I texted her and I know that you confided in her too. Um, and I said, you sharing your story, Emma is going to help Sarah share her story, you know, and you're going to help the next person share their story because it is so lonely when you don't say anything. And the second that I feel like this does come out, the mama's out there that have experienced this are going to come and it's gonna be your new tribe of women. Because I remember when I shared it was like I felt so alone, but I'm like, I didn't want sympathy. I just didn't want to feel alone. And the second that happens and I prayed, I prayed so much that everyone's gonna come reach out to you and and you can have that tribe of women that you don't feel alone because it is so isolating, even though you have an amazing husband and Mike was amazing, but it's still just that it's you know, no one can understand unless they've been through it, I believe, you know, especially when it's a personal with your body well and even selfishly for myself, it's like, yes, I want to help people. But the first thing I did after you know, it was official, and I talked to my doctor and everything, I'm like Okay, I gotta read more story. I gotta find out who else this is? You know, who else has been through this? Who do I know who's been affected by this? Who can I learn from? And I my sister sent me these two like mommy bloggers in Dallas, and sure enough both of them had almost identical stories to me up to the weeks and it was just crazy to be able to read like, Okay, this is you know, quote unquote normal. Well, you know, I wanted because I know you have questions asked. I know you have questions that you want UM answered. And we have a doctor, um Dr Nita. She's a co host of the Emmy Award winning talk show The Doctors. She's a certified UM O B G y N. And you know, I know you just took that blood work. UM, so maybe we can just ask her some questions too, and anything else that you want to know. Yeah, so let's take a quick break and then get Dr need on. Alright, So welcome to the wind Down Podcast. Dr Nita. Hey friend, um, so Sarah Um you know and many other women out there. I'll say it again, so um Sarah Um, who's been our guest co host a lot on wine down. She recently just suffered a miscarriage, and I know a lot of women out there could really use some help, some advice. Um, Sarah has there any what what's the one thing that it has been really just heavy on your heart that maybe you want to know? Um, I feel like for me, it's um the aftermath. So I read a lot of stories and they're like, oh, I got pregnant, you know the next cycle, or oh two weeks later, I ovulated, and I know it's positivity they're trying to spread, but um, I'm over four weeks out. I haven't ovulated, I haven't had a period. So it's just kind of not what's normal, but what is what is okay? You know what is most common? Yes, I'm sure women do get pregnant two weeks after and that's made thing, But you know, for me, I don't think my body's on track yet, So kind of what's what are those next steps? Well, a lot of times it's going to depend upon number one, the woman's overall health. It's going to depend on her age and kind of the circumstances surrounding the cause for the miscarriage. But generally speaking, when will have a regular minstrual period within six weeks after having a miscarriage. And when we look at women overall, once again, the numbers will vary a little depending upon a lot of factors about that particular woman. But after one miscarriage, the risk of a miscarriage is about four After two miscarriages it goes up to six percent, and then you know, with three it's like percent um, so that's going to to vary. But they are right in that a lot of times after a woman has a miscarriage, she goes on to have a perfectly normal pregnancy next time, particularly if we're talking about someone who has just had one miscarriage. And you know, it's also important to remember that it's nothing you did. You know, a lot of times women will say, oh, I wonder if it's because I had intercourse, are oh I bought my belly, I picked up a really heavy box or something like that, And so it's important for you not to to think about those things and know that in most instances, miscarriages occurred because of problems with the chromosome, and the problems with the chromosome didn't come from mom or dad dad, meaning that those problems weren't inherited, but instead a lot of times it's just something that happens by chance when the baby is developing. Dr Nita, I have a question, and this isn't just from a god's perspective, but how soon or in the process um, when you know a couple is trying to get pregnant or woman is trying to get pregnant, should they consult their oh B because I know for Jan and I we tried a few times and it wasn't until we went and saw her obi that she we realized that she needed to get a histeroscopy just to remove some scoring you know, wasn't your your dress lining or whatever it was block and we did the HS right. So it's like, you know, at that time we look back like, oh my goodness, we wasted three months or whatever it was. Is that something where do you think couples should from the get goats, like once they decide, hey, we want to start having babies, they should do that on the forefront or just kind of let things happen how they happen. Ideally, we like to see women for preconception counseling, meaning it's a great idea to go in to see your doctor to make sure you're as healthy as possible before getting pregnant. And it's not it's not all about the pregnancy. It's also the fact that we just want you to be healthy as a woman, meaning if you come in and we diagnose you with diabetes or um thyroid disease, then we can get those issues under control so that you can be as healthy as possible going into the pregnancy. So that's what we call preconception counseling. But as far as individuals trying, you know, we say for most people, if they're younger than thirty five, you can try for a year, and the vast majority of people who have regular intercourse and they're not using any type of contraception will get pregnant within that year. UM. For older individuals are people with specific medical issues, we may say six months. UM, so we may we shortened that time period. But to answer your question, if it depends on how long you are trying, If you know both of you are healthy individuals and you just have been trying for three months, do I think that you made mistake by not going in initially just to say, you know, we want to get pregnant. Do I need to look at at her tubes or anything like that. No, I don't think that was warranted. But once again, with the preconcession, is it the doctor will just kind of go over the females overall help and I didn't any potential issues that could cause a problem in the pregnancy and remind her to take her prenatal elements with both guests for sure. Um, you know, I'm curious too because um a family member of ours she just had her third miscarriage and on her first one, I said, hey, you know, you should really go to your doctor and you know, see why, and she's like, well, I called and they just said, oh, it's common, like you know, just just try again. But now she's on our third and in my mind, I'm like, you know, I get that it's common. I get that, you know, chromosome only there could be something wrong, But now that she's suffered her third miscarriage, it's kind of like she's in so much pain again for the third time. I feel like that could have been avoided if the gynecologist was like not just blew off, like, oh, miscarriage is common, and not done the proper blood work and everything else that she's you know, taking them finding out the gene that mt hr or whatever it was, we had them. So I'm like, is that is that pretty common for a guy? No, to say like one, like come back if you have another one, or well, I think a couple of things there. It is common for gynecologists are obstitutions to say come back if you just had one. But even though it's a common experience, that doesn't make it easier. So as a physician, I would never want to say, oh, it's fine, it's common, don't worry about it. Like once you have a positive pregnancy test, you're a mother, you know, and you love your baby, And so I think it's important to make sure that we do whatever we can to support a couple of you know, the woman physically, and then make sure the couple has the emotional support needed. But the second part of that is just the workup in general, because a lot of females will go on to have perfectly normal pregnancies after having one miscarriage simply because a lot of those happened due to what we previously discussed, meaning it's just the chromosomal abnormalities that happen to have happen in that particular pregnancy, we won't subject them to a huge work up, meaning we won't run all the blood tests and do a ton of imaging and all of those other things after one. Now, when we talk about a female who's had two consecutive miscarriages, are some people will say three it's a little debatable. But after two consecutive miscarriages are three, then we start to do a bigger work up to see if there is an underlying issue that is increasing that woman's probability of having miscarriages. Meaning we can no longer say, oh, it's probably probably just uh, chromosomal abnormality that happened by chance. Instead we're saying, okay, if it is a chromosomal abnormality, is it a chromosomal abnormality that's being inherited by from the parents, Meaning do we need to test the parents or is it some type of um thrombophilia or something else going on some deeper underlying issues. So that's why her doctor waited. But at the same time, once again, I do understand that even though it's common, it doesn't make it easier, and I definitely don't want patients to feel as so health care providers are brushing it off. It's still very important in a couple's life for sure, if you had just to be current with the times right now, so you had a couple that consulted with you right now. So Dr Neta, we're thinking about trying to have a baby amidst the quarantine, amidst the pandemic and all of that stuff. From your professional perspective, would you steer a couple or give your opinion on a couple trying to conceive it now, just because we don't know what's gonna happen with the pandemic. We don't know if there's gonna be another spike in the fall. Like everyone's saying, who knows, But my fear goes to, you know, are people going to plan around that? Like, would you advise, from your professional opinion, advise someone to be like, maybe wait six months to see where we're at with this so they don't have to go through the process of having a child like basically by themselves because the husband can't come in or whatever the situation may be. Is that something that's kind of come up in your you know, in your world, Well, you know, I know a lot of people who are just finding out that they're pregnant in the midst of the pandemic, and I know it's difficult, and honestly, we don't know what we don't know about this virus. But as UM a profession, obstetricians aren't telling people not to get pregnant um at this time because of COVID nineteen. So we are keeping a close eye on the situation where being mindful, we're trying to learn as much as we can as quickly as we can. But you know, it's it's one of those things where you have to just kind of talk to your significant other and decide what you feel most comfortable with. If you find a great deal of you know, and easiness and the fact that we don't know what's going to happen in the fall, then you know, you may want to wait. But just as an oh b M, I going into the office and telling my patients, don't get pregnant right now, No, that's not the case. And I had a question, UM. So after we went in um to the doctor, to our doctor, and you know, we did, he kind of looked around and told me that yes, it wasn't miscarriage, he suggested, which he suggested a year ago I just never got around to it. Um, he's like, we need to do the genetic testing, you know, the carrier testing, and so um, they you know, took my blood and tested for I think it was over two hundred and eighty different Um. I'm not sure what the technical term is, but theyse for a bunch of things, and then, um, I came back that I was actually positive for two things and that I had just found out I miscarried two weeks earlier. And then he calls me and that just sent me into a tailspin. And I don't even really know what that meant. Um my husband had to go and he actually ended up testing negative for everything. So we're all good, But what exactly I mean? That sent me down another you know, spiral, because then I'm like, not only did I miscarry and now I'm positive for you know, in seven six five. I didn't even know these terms. But and then when he came back negative, I felt even more guilty and even more that it was my fault. So what exactly are those tests? Okay, Well, first of all, please don't feel guilty. Please don't feel like it's your fault, like if you think about it, like you you said it. You said that he tested you for hundreds of things. You know, think about it. The general population just doesn't get tested for hundreds of things just because we all have something. None of us were born perfect when it comes to genets, Okay, we all have something. It's just that we typically don't look for those things. And even females who go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies would still test positive for some of those things, maybe even more than two things. So you probably you did really well if you only test you know, you know, you know what I mean. Um, so I don't not having the information in front of me, I don't even know exactly what you were tested for. But it goes back to once someone has a miscarriage, then we kind of go down the list and we we look at things that could potentially increase a person's um probability of miscarriage. But you're not creating a baby on your own, right, So in order for you know, a baby to inherit, certain issues are for certain issues to become a problem. That's why we test mom and dad. And you know, if they test your significant other, even though I'm sure you're significant other, it's wonderful they would probably also have some things going on genetically, but guess what, you're a great match for them because when it comes to your genes, you're fine when it comes to the things that they tested positive for, right, So it still puts you in a good situation. Okay. So I don't know exactly what you test it positive for, because like you said, there are a lot of different things that we can test for. But at the end of the day, I think it's actually it's good news for you. It's good news for you because what you test it positive for, your husband or your significant other tested negative for. And you know so I wouldn't I wouldn't dwell on that. I wouldn't feel guilty. Um if it none of us are perfect genetically, like you know what I mean, So we should all be sad if that's the Thank you, Dr g Nita, Thank you so much for coming on. I know this is such a I hate saying. UM, I feel like it's way more than one and what do they say, it's one and three? I I feel like that statistics out the door. Like I've almost every single one of my friends I know has miscarried. It's so much more common. It is hard and tend like tend to of known pregnancies and in miscarriage, and we know that that number is actually higher because a lot of individuals will miscarry before they even know they're pregnant. So it's common. But once again, just because it's common, that doesn't mean it's easy. So it's important for females and couples going through this to surround themselves with the proper individuals to to heal emotionally and just make sure they're getting all of the support they need. Thank you Dr Nita so much for coming on. Yeah, thank you so much. Where can our listeners follow you and kind of lean into all your advice that you have to share. My handle is at dr d R need to landry n I t A l A N d R Y and that's pretty much across all platforms. Awesome, Thank you, Dr Nita. Thank you. My friend still doesn't make it easy though, you know, it's still just and like she said, like so many people don't even know what she says. So many people miscarry before they even know they're pregnant. And I feel like a lot of people are like because when I was trying to normalize it and reach out, you know, I didn't know anyone besides you who had miscarried. My sister's, my mom. I didn't know anyone, and I'm the first of my friends, um, and so it's just weird when people say to me. I found it weird when people would respond and say, oh, you know, I might have miscarried. I just didn't know, you know, I could have miscarried. And I'm like, well, that doesn't help me, because if you miscarried and you don't know it, then you didn't suffer, or you didn't feel it, or you know what I'm saying. So I think they were trying to make me feel better. But it's such a weird. It's such a weird thing. You know, I was gonna say this before Dr Needa came on, but you you're saying that brought up a point or kind of my perception on it. And you know, I feel like, if you look at social media, right, so many people want to complain about something, and often times, you know, if you scroll and you see something, you might first tend to roll your eyes like, oh this person maybe they just want attention or they just want sympathy or whatever. I feel like when it comes to this subject, with miscarriage. At least for me personally, that thought has never entered my mind because I truly believe having been been a partner, that's how a wife go through it, and you know, being a couple ship that's gone through it, and then having friends like you that have gone through it it. Truly, I truly believe it's y'all don't want sympathy. You're truly trying to understand something that is so difficult to understand because there's so many different variables that involved. That's why they say childbirth is a miracle, right because for all the stars to align it for it to happen is common. There's a child born every day, multiple children born every day in this country but in the world. But it's still a miracle. And you realize that how hard it is once you want to start having children. How majority of people are a lot of people whatever percentage no realize unfortunately how difficult it is. But I just from my perception, I just never think it is about y'all wanting sympathy. You're truly trying to grasp the concept of of why of why why me? What? What? What's wrong with me? And I just have so much empathy for women around around this topic, because that just has to be yes, the men, you know, we're a part of the couple too, but like you said, Sarah, it's it's still not our body. We don't feel it physically. It lingers with y'all, you know. So it's just I just again a lot of empathy for you all, and I just you know, I'm so sorry with you being such a close friend that you've had to experience these things, you know, because you don't want that for people that you love. So yeah, thanks, guys, What do you what do you hope for moving forward? Like, what's your hope for other women that are in your situation? What's your hope for after this airs? I hope that I can do what those two Dallas mommy bloggers did for me. I was hours after finding out. I had not a freaking clue what was going on. And this one girl did a full blown story on her Instagram just explaining everything. Um, you know, she's explained that she was six weeks when she found out, and the she explained a week later she miscarried, and she really in detail went through it, and I just said, oh my god, wow, me too, And so it just I hope to normalize it. I just hope to I hope that people can say, Okay, you know I corn are I miscarried in quarantine too, and you know I was not okay and neither was she. But you know, I started journaling and I'm going to have a baby, and so I just know that, you know, with journaling and you know, tie and just trying. I'm trying to be in a positive mind space and just think positive. So I just hope that people can as hard as it is and as alone, as lonely as quarantine as in general, throw this in the mix. I just hope that people don't feel alone when they listen. Well, I love you. I think you're incredibly brave, incredibly strong, and I just adore you. And you know, no, thank you, it's it. You welcome to the mommy tribe because you are. You are a mom babe. You know when you texted me that on Mother's Day, you're the which again, it's not like a game, there's no keeping score, but like you texted me on Mother's Day, having Mother's Day and like nobody not that other people needed to, but do you know what I mean? Like there's something when you don't go through it, I don't understand. If you'll understood, I can't imagine how understood you felt in that moment. I felt so seen. I just was like, wow, no, I know. And I even told Tie, and you know, he didn't want to acknowledge it. It was that awkward thing. Nobody wanted to acknowledge it right on Mother's Day because it's just a weird thing. Um, but when you did, I just I didn't cry because I think I'm back to my old self. I loved vulnerable Sarah. I would I think I I think in that moment, I I wanted to cry, but then I also wanted to smile because I'm like, I know, like I'm going to be a Montain and and even t I was like, we're going to celebrate you next year, you know, like it's but that was very, very thoughtful because yeah, it's a weird misunderstanding that you feel, but you get me. I'm like crying for it right now. Well she is anyone that you. You are a mother, You're a part of the mom crew now. Yeah. Dr Nita said the same thing, and I was like, Okay, that's like a thing. Yeah it is and there's a lot of moms out there that you know, maybe haven't seen their rainbow babies yet. And don't give up. My god, my friend Candice took her twelve years. She's finally holding she had, you know, but she's been a mom for twelve years. You know, she just finally gets to hold her baby now. But let's take a break. Yeah, I'm gonna go blow my nose or something. Okay, So to keep this girl talk, struggle talk, mommy talk a lot. I know, my my sweet, amazing husband is over here. I got tissues right by the bedside. Baby. Um, I love you. That's sweet that you have empathy. But I wow, guys, Okay, but UM, so excited because to add this funness, we have Teddy Melancamp on the show. And I think Sarah, this is like kind of a little surprised Sarah because she is um Sarah, our guest co host whom was so brave and just shared about her miscarriage on the show that she just recently went through over Easter. She's a huge Real Housewives fan, so this is kind of like a surprise. But also let's talk about the struggle. You know. Well, first of all, I wanted to say, like I'm so sorry and I feel you and I know there's no words that anybody can say that makes you feel better, but it's also nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. And I literally was just telling them like I cry. I'm not a crier, but I was like crying in bed for like two weeks, and I think all I did was watch Bravo, so like a part of me was like I need to like reach out to Andy and be like you are saving lives everywhere because it's so true. Though like people who don't watch it don't get it, but like I'm just I'm just Bravo fanatic. I watch it all and so like, thank you for helping me get through this. You know, it's a nice escape to realize, thank goodness, that is not my life. It really, Um yeah, I really enjoy watching Sarah. I gotta say, and you have You're gonna be so incredibly proud of me. But I just watched the last four I know, I know of Beverly Hill's Housewolves, Like yeah, are you so proud? And like Teddy is my girl? Like I feel like Teddy, you're so misunderstood, Like your misunderstood, Like oh this season, Well, yeah, I watched the one where she was crying at the table okay down. I don't know if it's because of what I went through, but when stunt and looked at you and said and then I found out you were pregnant, I was no, no, no, I don't know how to slap a bit. Well, I that moment where I was completely losing it and then you know when you're really about to lose it, and then somebody says, guys, she's about to cry. Then I was so angry that because that's me, like when someone's like, you're about to cry, aren't you, And I'm like no, but I like it makes me cry even more. And I wanted to be there so bad at that table and be like shut like you are so mean, like like and just take your hand and just come, you know, just get out of there. I was so angry. I went from like you know, and had all of the emotions. Then when I watched it back and I looked at what my husband was doing during it, nothing just eating your salad and I don't breakdown, like get that last by to fiddle. That was so funny. That's because that was almost like yeah, he goes, I just kept hoping that if I kept eating it would all stop. That's exactly what I would do. So remember that, Stephanie. Remember when Stephanie Pratt and I had that thing happened in in California. We're like arguing, I've never gotten to a fight with anyone in my life besides it was that, and I was like it kind of felt good, like for like that was like sticking up for myself, and she was I was like no. And then she goes down to Mike and he's eating something and just like what's going on? And I'm just like, you know, And then you're like he's trying to like vent me. I'm like, well, she's my wife. I'm going to back her up. But also I think, to y'all's credit, you guys are strong, independent, powerful women. Were like, hey, y'all got it. There's nothing that we can say as your husband that is more effective than probably what y'all are doing. But when she said you're gonna cry, it's like I felt that in my gut because that is what like. That's when someone's like, are you okay? Are you crying? And I'm like, or if somebody told you to relax. Oh you're dead, it's a full situation. No, he was quiet during the whole thing, but then of course on the car ride home he's like, you know, maybe you overreacted, and I was like that what you want to hear? How do you deal with the criticism? I know we were texting the other day because, um, you know, trolls can be kind of mean, and sometimes when you're on an you know, a huge show like that, people can say, oh, you know, you're this and you're that, and it's like, I can only imagine if Mike and I ever do that show. It's you know, I see the the comments that they do on the podcast and not too hard. It's like they don't see the inside of every single day and you know, we're just trying to have a personality and be on and it can be taken so out of context. And how do you deal with that when it's you know, your your life is on the TV and then you're having to read these these comments about that you nag your husband too much. It's like, what what wife doesn't nag their husband? You know? Well, I mean I think the first thing that I always try to remember is like I signed up to be myself and that's the good, the bad, and the ugly, and they are They're never gonna edit you to be somebody that you're not, but they're gonna focus on something that you are. So like I'm Type A and you're not gonna ever miss that. Like they are going to focus in on that every single time. So may peo don't see that. Like I can kind of make fun of myself or not take myself too seriously or I like laughing or those types of things. So what I try to do in regards to like the social media trolls is like I play into it. So they were brutal, you know, like crying baby, what's wrong with you? So then I like make my entire Instagram all about songs about cry babies the end. That's amazing, and just like prod at that because like here, you know, it is what it is. And like, especially when it comes to like breaking down and being emotional, I would rather be that than somebody that's not myself and putting on a show to be on a show. Um, Sarah, before we get into the infertility and miscarriages, do you do you have a question about the Beverly Hills housewise, because I just I mean how much. No, Okay, I'll ask one question, Okay, um, do you does it all? I guess because you already filmed. Was it so different filming without Lisa vander Pulp, Like, was it like felt? I think the biggest thing that was felt, and I do not know if it's because she's gone or not, is that I got to know all of the other women better, Like everybody seemed like their guard was down. And that also could be because it's my third season, or it's because they were protecting themselves are whatever it may be. But I mean, regardless of Lisa Vanna Pup being there or not, I mean, we're still fighting. So honestly, it's been my Yeah, now that she's gone, you know, like yeah, not, but I think I do have stronger relationships with some of them, even if you know you don't see it so much. I have to tell Janna, Janna, I don't know if you saw it. There's this scene where they don't show the whole scene, but it's a flashback of Teddy telling Kyle Kyle's her like that's friend. Um if you don't know, um, Teddy's telling Kyle that she's pregnant, and Kyle freaks out and like so happy and starts bawling cross Literally when I watched them, like that's like gonna be me and Janna, Like I'm gonna like sit her down and she's gonna lose it. But like how happy and excited Kyle was for Teddy, I was like, oh my god, that's Jannah because like Kyle is like in a different phase. You know, Kyle's got like older kids. If she was past it, And I was like that excitement that I saw was like thousand percent. But I know, Teddy, you struggled to can Steve um and did you was your miscarriage before IVF or was it after IBF? So I had so I couldn't get pregnant at all naturally prior to Slate and then um, with Slate, I got pregnant doing i U I the first shot. But I had been doing treatments for probably a year, you know, like clod which I call it. Have you been all of it? I call it? And then I had the progesteron shots in the ass where I couldn't even sit down on my butt. Yeah, the steroids like all of those types of things. Um, I did, and then the first time I got pregnant with slate, with insemination um, and then with cruise um, it just wasn't the same. And we were going through IVF, and I think I did, like I mean, I did so many rounds of IVF. It was to the point where my mom and I mean my my parents, my mom, my dad, my husband were like, you can't do it again, like you're done, like this is your final time him and I remember feeling like all of these crazy emotions. I almost like hit it from my husband because I want I didn't want him to report back to like the doctor or my like family, like I don't think she can do another around. But it makes you crazy, like I remember how crazy I felt, an out of body, and it's you try to control it, but it's almost impossible. And and especially once you're going to the doctors and you're reading numbers and you're trying to track like is this is it going to be viable this time? Or like how you know you're just it's such a mind game and it's so emotional, and you just want to be able to control something you can't control, and you know, it's really hard to have faith in those moments, I think and you know, I I truthfully felt like I I wish I had the same mindset that I do now, where I was open and I shared with people what I was going through and knew how common it actually is and how many women it does happen to because I talk to anybody and just like went into a depression over it because I didn't want to like have that moment where I had to say, like, I'm broken, I feel completely broken, because this is all we want, this is you know, and we can't do it. Um So I I I think that it's one of the hardest things that you can go through, but it's also one of the most amazing things. You know. With time, it's just like we it's not going to be on our time schedule. There's no perfect time. Like when people say yeah, everything about having kids time, it's not right. There's no perfect time, especially when you deal with these obstacles and you know how difficult it can be and Teddy going through what you've been through, what would you say to someone like Sarah who just experienced this for the very first time, Like looking back now, what would you say, you know to Sarah or anybody else that's dealing with this, I would say, you know, the first thing is like, be open with I would assume you're married, um, be open with your husband and say how you're feeling or what you need in that moment um, and and let it all out. And also the biggest thing is nobody's going to tell you how to feel. Nobody's going to tell you that this is how you should be feeling right now, or it's gonna feel better next time, or that they have a good feeling about next time. It's all gonna piss you off. You know, Like the biggest thing is just continue on knowing that when the when the timing aligns, when it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. And that's the only thing that keeps you positive and going. And you know, as I wish, you know, I don't know I could do it any differently than I did before, but I wish I would have taken a breath during it all. I wish I would have gone, it's gonna be okay, We're gonna be okay, instead of just living in that anxiety and that pressure and that all of that that I did to myself. I am my gut. Feel like I made it harder. But it's so hard when you want that family. Well in like all I do, there's nothing to do, so all day I'm on Google all day, I'm reading blogs all day and I just become obsessive and it's like, oh my god, I wish so badly I could just have a life right now, or like go somewhere because I'm like, there's nothing, you know, I'm stuck in this apartment and it's all I can think about. It's all I'm which I'm like, Okay, just think of positive thoughts. If it's all you're gonna think about, just put out the positive energy and the positive thoughts. But it's like, I just want to know, you know, I like to have answers, and I mean I can say this and if it will give you a little piece. You were able to get pregnant. Yes, I know, and that's something I am very excited and thankful for because I've never been. I mean, this was my first everything I had never had, you know, so much as a scare, So that for me was huge because i mean we got married in February and then it was literally a month later, so I'm like, Okay, So I think it's it's hard to you know, we all go through it differently. In some weeks, it's and plus you're in a pandemic right now. Yeah, there's so many unknowns. There's so many things we can't control. And if you're at all you know type A or like and you know that personality type, then you want to be able to have the answers and you and you're gonna be a great mother, and you're gonna be able to have all of your dreams are going to come true. It's just not going to happen on the timeline that we necessarily want it. And I think giving yourself like ample amount of time to grieve because it is a loss. Yeah, no, it's true. And I feel like we were talking to a doctor earlier. I'm like, it's weird timing right now, like I'm just letting everything go. I'm just letting it happen, and like it still doesn't make it easier though, at the end of the day, it's still hard. It's especially when you you want to be a mom so bad, you know, I remember that It's like all I wanted was to hold my child, and then you know when it happened after Julie. It's like is this is this? It Like it's just like you just you want to know, but God's got the plan. It's just looking a little different. Um. I feel like I really want to talk about this though on the Teddy Tea Pod. I want you to come on Teddy Tea Pot too. I mean, we can we can dig into more things. Um, what what can listeners like if they if they listen to Teddy t what can what can they hear besides all this goodness? I mean essentially we just dig into different topics. So we've even we've talked about parenting during the pandemic, which like, let me be honest, me with core math trying to figure out like it's a whole doozy of a situation, like it's not fair that my first grader smarter than I am. Um. But from that to like three songs, it's like all over the place, and we have professionals on for each thing or you know, specialists. So I think that there's so much that you can learn, you can have fun. It's any different topic that we go down the rabbit hole on. I love that. I feel like I just wanna I wish we could hang out, like, I just hate this, you know, the zoom, it's just this. You know, this is fun and all, but I just like to be in person. You know. Yeah, you're a physical person. I am. Yes, right, you also have your fitness business too that you that's huge multi you know, it's it's crazy. Um, if you go on your Instagram, that's where people can find it, right, Yeah, you can go in Teddy Mellencamp or go all and buy Teddy to find either. And because of my miscarriages and infertility struggles, that's why I ended up deciding to go all in because I felt really lost and confused and I wasn't opening up, and it was like the key to changing my life. I love following your page because just seeing all the women that you've helped and um, you know how much happier they look to even like the after photos, it's like you can just see that they're just they're they're proud of themselves, and so I love that you're creating that, um, that space for them. Thank you. I think oftentimes they show like the before and after pictures and people see the physical, but what we forget about sometimes is how much the mental plays into it. You can't show that on a photograph. But like when you're feeling good you finally asked for that raise at work, or you know whatever it may be that you're feeling stuck, all of a sudden, you start taking action for sure, Teddy, I love you and I hope we get to hang soon because you're you're a badass. So um, I the same about you, guys, and I'm thinking about you and uh, I feel like the best is yet to come. Amen, friend, all right, everyone will listen to Teddy t Teddy Mellencamp love you friend. Um, I like guys, Yeah, she's so sweet and beautiful, like I just I love her. Um. I kind of want to revisit the what um we were talking about before we started the show with Tori. So let's take a break and then we'll get tor on alright, See, um, what do you got for us? Because I think you were you were in a deep thought before we started this. Yes, sorry, yes, I was reading an email from someone and they said, sorry, was it a wind down email or was it like just like an email email. It was just an email for one of our other podcasts, And I was asking Mike would you ever date someone taller than you? Or do guys actually take that as like a blow to the ego? So I think it's too I have two answers, Mike, did someone taller than I ever dated? Because you did? Oh, I'm sorry I hooked off. Was someone not taller, never taller than me? I think you said she was. They were tall enough. They were tall enough where if you're like spooning or something and they're like the same close to the same length as me on the couch, I'm like, am I spoonting the mail right now? No? I'm no, I'm not really meaning that, but I'm just saying it's for someone my size to like be holding someone who is of similar size or closer to my size. It's a little off putting. Now having said that, I'm not intimidated by it because I'm larger. But at the same time, if I was nothing against men that are like five ft six or five ft seven or anything like that, but if they are, I can see that being a bigger blow to an ego because they're already not maybe as tall as they would like to be, and they're dating someone that is taller than them. I could see that being a bigger issue. But for me, it's it's not a blow. It wouldn't be a blow to me because I'm you know, six five six six, so you know obviously up dated. People try are than me. You're good. Well, No, I dated someone who was five four yeah, wait, jam, I'm five four and a half and he was. He was he's maybe five five, so wearing heels, you'd be at least like two. I was always taller than yeah, and I really I did really like him. We worked on a show together, and I did like him. Sarah, are you going? You can't find it. It was never public, but if you google any of the shows I've been on and then go height wise, um so, but I really liked them. But for some reason, I've always just liked dating men that were taller than me and that I could wear heels in and that I could that it was just bigger like I. I don't know, it didn't. I guess I just like that mainly, Burt, like you, I you're big and you're like But it doesn't mean that person wasn't great. It just wasn't, you know, my thing, I guess, But they really it affected and that's one of the reasons why we broke up, And there's naturally a level of security or protection if you're with someone who's physically of a certain physical stature. I make up. But here's the thing I will say to like Tory, like you're taller. I know Joey is going to be taller. I don't ever want her to feel um self conscious of that or not go after a guy because he may be shorter than her or you know, or or she sorry, she may be taller than him. So how do you go around about that too? Like does that kind of make you rethink things when you see a guy? I think that it eliminates a huge part of the dating pool, which is already hard enough for your own reasons or because you make up that they'll have an issue with it. No, just I don't have an issue dating somebody like maybe my own height, because I don't think like two inches is that big of adeal if I'm like putting on a boot or like a heel or whatever. But um, I just want to feel feminine. It's like my thing. So he would have to have like stef like if I can't fit in his pants, Like that's just like terra fund Like if I put on his sweats and they were like skin tight on me, like that would make me feel terrible totally, like we want to be swallowed in them. Like yeah, I want to put on a hoodie and I'm like where that as a dress? So that's like my only thing is like that's like a little bit of a preference for me, is just feeling like feminine. And I think it's okay to say and like want that because there's no issue with that at all, because I don't want people to think I'm like being shallow or no. They know if someone takes that a shallow then they were being ridiculous. I feel like it's also a conversation of like the century, you know, but weirdly tall woman in short men is like a new trend. I mean, hey, whatever whatever you into, that's the thing. Whatever you're into, We're all into, you know, different things. I like bald men. My husband's bald. I like men with gray hair, you know, like waiting for the day. I can't wait until Mike's the beard gets I grow my beard out more often now because you can see more gray silver fox just like super handsome silver Fox. Love love the gray can't wait till your dad's age. It would be sixty years old. I really love you, and it speak when you're sixty Mike. I just I love Grey. What did you say, is Sarah? Oh no, I just said I love an old man, like I get that you do. Really, I would have never thought Tie is such a baby like baby face. He makes so much fun of me, like my top like five are like, well, we're gonna start with like Nick Saban, then we might Governor Cuomo is right up my alley. Um, I've always been attracted to like a young George Bush. And by young, I mean like fifties. Um. Yeah, oh my god, I'm prosessed with this conversation. Oh it's like a thing around our ties, Like, oh my god, Oh yeah. I'm very excited for Tie to like look like Wayne confess that I have a major crush on Sarah's dad. Oh, like I feel like blushing abound him at I have. I have a crush on Sarah's sister, And I made that very clear at the wedding. I was like, I'm kind of crushing on your sister, her lesbian sister. She's reminds me of Brandy Carlyle I am a Tory did call me the other day. She's like, I think I had to crush on your dad literally like with like blushing like on the danceler. I'm like, why do you look kind of hot and sexy to me right now? Sylvia is gonna get you, girl, But you've got some tough competition with Sylvia. Oh my god. But I also had a crush on her mom too. I could see I could see having a crush on your dad like he is, but he's almost like too nice, so like I would need a little touch more of like and that's like I made like the first interaction with Tom, I made like a sexual joke and Sis like, oh god, oh, that was the most uncomfortable part of Sarah's wedding. I could not do you remember what he said. It was something like you make a man, or like get on your knees or something. It was. It was that it was get on your knees, and I was just like, oh my god, are you asking him to like, oh my god. I was so uncomfortable. I was like, and this is the first interaction with Mr Cusick. Hey man, that's you either make or break the relationship right off the bat. Guys, I'm in a weird way. I hope you feel this to Sarah. I love that we're ending with laughter. It was very therapeutic and we need a good lat Yeah that was. I love you again. I think you're the bravest woman that I know. And um yeah, I just I love this was. I hope. I hope you feel so much love when this airs so um. Yeah, that's a good place to end it, all right, Well here's the gray hair. I love you, guys. Fe