Jana connects with “people advocate” Nicki Maher (aka NickiUnplugged on Tik Tok) about motherhood, co-parenting and how much of yourself should you share on social media.
And, Jana opens up about the struggle of co-parenting during big life moments like birthdays.
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Wine Down with Janet Kramer, and I heard radio podcast. Hey guys, I feel like I just need to like, can we all just like take a deep breath? Yeah? One three? That was nice. It's good. Okay. So you guys ever have one of those days where this is this is my day. I had therapy today and I was very excited about therapy. I needed therapy. I was running a little late to therapy because I was writing, and then I was like, oh god, I gotta leave. I gotta go straight to therapy. So I go to therapy and I'm just rushing and I'm like thinking of all the things that I'm going to say. Sit in her office. She's not coming out to get me. Oh my god, this happened to me two weeks ago. Yes, go on, and I'm just like, I can't not today. I need her to walk out, like I really need to talk to her, right, But she's never late. I'm late, So like, I clearly have messed up the days. I've never done that before where I go into the office and then yeah, so I'm sitting there and I'm like, my poem was at twelve thirty I jet in at twelve thirty one. I'm like, okay, maybe she just like, you know, totally, she she knows me, so she's gonna come out like twelve. Well it's twelve forty. And I'm like, this is the wrong day. So I text her and I'm like, hey, Amy, like, I'm in your I'm in your waiting room. Um, I'm going to venture to say it's the wrong days since you're never late, um, so let me know how I screw this up. And if it's in an hour, I won't be there because I got a podcast, so um. But then I get into my car and I just like start crying, you know, just because I was like, I really need it, and I think it's I think I'm pre menstrual. Have you started yet, I mean pre pre Yeah. You looked at me Wed it just sounds strange. No, I'm already off. We're like not on the same anymore. That's weird. Usually we were the same. So I think I just was like, I don't know. So yeah, I just was like started crying and then driving home and now I just feel like I'm bummed. I'm sorry. That's okay, Mark, Yeah that's a bummer. When I did it, it was an hour off so I sat there for an hour. So now you're in a weird headspace. Now I'm the worst lot of stuff to unload. But now I'm frazzled, which is why I needed to take a deep breath. But now I'm like, it's one of those things where I was like, I don't even know what I'm crying. That's the worst. But I'm like crying right now. I know I can stop talk about this is why a woman can't be president. No, but I'm serious, like, I'm like crying out of nowhere. Now is it out of wear or is there something we can talk about? I think it's just like a lot of things. And then it's like but most most likely it's the a lot of things, which I always can handle like a boss, but when you add a menstrual cycle pre menstrual cycle, it just throws it all for a loop. Like I'm about right a bomb Russia right now? You know, definitely. So, But to Catherine's point, is there anything that we can help you, anything you can unload right now? That's not to therapy specific therapy specific like what about your week? What's been some stresses from the week, um stresses from my week? So I think I meant know some of this, so I was up for or you know, I got asked to do a movie and I'm going to do it. But it's just, um, it's a lot of like moving parts, and now that I have, you know, my ex involved, it's trying to figure that out and and I make the schedule, so it just becomes like I think, just like a lot of heaviness and pressure and I'm like, well, I don't really know what the schedule is gonna look like, and like we're not really on great terms, so it's hard. And then I think that's like where I'm like freaking out, and then I just get into that like spin where it just all like like combines in my body. And then now I'm here like where I'm crying and having a mental breakdown. But I'm fine. But again, I think it's just my period. But also, isn't it Is it helpful sometimes I don't think of a sign of weakness to every once in a while just kind of let it all out because it builds up after a while. Yeah, I agree with you, and you know, and she even says too, She's like, you know, because I'm like I'm trying to control it, and I'm trying not to control, but like I'm frustrated and I'm mad, and she's like, Okay, well, well well you know, we'll figure it out. It always gets figured out. I think I just put a lot of pressure on things, a lot of pressure in yourself. And I think right now, you're trying to not control, so you think you're not controlling. But if you're not controlling, that means it's not going to happen. But then that means that you are trying to control, you know. So it's just kind of this little mind game that's going on, I think for you right now. Yeah, And I told Katherine that in the car I go me focusing on not controlling is making me control more because I feel out of control by not controlling. So no, I'm really controlling. And I think maybe it feels a little different because you're making the schedule. Now. You would have been making the schedule anyways, even if you were married, because let's face it, moms do the schedules. They do the dentist appointments, they do the doctors, they do the school stuff, they do all of that. But I think when you're divorced, there's a little bit of a like wait a minute, I need you to help me now, Like I need you to help figure this out. And granted, I don't want him touching the schedule because there's like he doesn't like I guess because he doesn't know like what my movie schedule or what this or that the other for sure, But um, it's when it gets complicated is where I get really stressed out. And then I start to go, you know, to that that place, and then when I'm a week before my period, it's like not great. All right, We're going to bring on a girl that's definitely gonna lighten up the mood because I love following her on TikTok Um. So let's take a break and let's get Niki on. Alright, So Nicki mar is a. I mean, I'm gonna let her tell you because she's she's just badass. But she's so funny and I kind of have I don't kind of have, I have a girl crush on her. So let's bring her on and then she can explain all the ins and outs if her awesome. She's not like almost like two million fellars on TikTok Yeah, I was just looking at it Hi guys. Hi, I love your so cute. How are you? I'm good? How are you doing this? I know? Nice to meet you officially, because um, was it someone slid into my dams and then I slid into your d m Is that how it happened? Yes, yes, I think it was over the holidays. That's right about like changing the mindset about the holidays with your kids as a single moment. Yeah, um, this is my best friend Katherine. By the way, Hey, how are you. I've heard lots of you. I love your conversation. Was just keeping it real over here. Okay, so can you just like tell our wind down listeners who you are and just like because I I've you know, obviously I've Yes, I found you, that's right over Christmas time, But like I don't know like a lot about your journey because we always say like, oh, like you get part of my life, but then I'm like, well, what's yours? And then I'm like I don't want to dig too deep? So now we get to dig deep. So tell me, like, you know, you're obviously a single mom, but like, start from the beginning, go, no one's ever asked me that, Janus, So this is like the hot scene. I haven't been asked that I've been. And I went from let's see seventeen, I left a big, bad, boss, bitch corporate job which was I just couldn't which was what they I was with. Yes, I was out with Alex Sandanni jewelry company, very fast growing. I was like the first six employee, one of the first six employees there. So took the whole crazy ride upward, and I really thought, Oh my gosh, I'm going to be that woman who's got my kids, who's got the nanny, who's flying, who's traveling, who's doing all these big bad things. And and then I had my daughter and I got a big promotion after getting back from eternity leave with her, which I thought was unheard of. I was like, wait, what what are we doing? I have a baby at home and I just got back, and you want me to do all this great awesome and then, um, lots of different snippets of the motherhood journey, lots of miscarriages. Um, this is probably the first time I'm saying this public, but my son was a twin So the little boy with the glasses that is like all over my social he was a twin. I. I delivered a stillborn in June of so when I say it out loud, you know those moments you say things out loud and you're like, wait, did was that me? Was I in my body at that time? How did I get through that? But it's all ends up a beautiful story because he was a year old. I was doing the corporate thing, all these big promises from corporate about what they wanted me to be, and I just didn't feel like those were my dreams anymore. So I did the whole opposite of lean in. I was like, I want to lean back, like I want to be with my kids. I want to I felt weird about dropping them off in the morning and knowing someone else was going to pick them up at night from preschool and from daycare. Um, So I left corporate, started consulting. Everything was fine, everything was great. And then September of my husband in and I split up, and I was like, all right, this is it start and then just want COVID. COVID hit, which ended up being really hard but the best blessing. And I don't want to sound like eternal optimist, but the fact that everything was stripped like at once my career, my marriage, all the things that I thought like labeled me. Literally, I became my career, I became my life as a wife and a mom, and it all got stripped and it was the most beautiful, sad, crazy, emotional thing ever. And I'm still it's still happening. I'm still going through all those changes. So I went from I guess what the picture perfect, like what everybody wants is, to what I actually wanted was to just I want to be a mom. I want to be a mom and I make content and I've always been funny and goofy, even in the corporate seat. And it happened to be where I lost all my clients to Covid and I went on TikTok as an alias to just kind of play around with the app, and within six once I had over a million followers. So I think it was just everybody at that moment was looking for like authenticity. Right now, it's overused, it's like overplayed that were but authenticity was all I could show up as I didn't have a corporate job that I was worried about people seeing me and being too silly. I didn't have any friends that I knew I didn't no one was watching me. There Vicky unplugged with like a total alias, and then that's when I kind of came into myself and met this online world and realized there's other people going through the same stuff, and it was this beautiful world of connectivity, especially between moms and parents in general. What we were going through in the world at the time. Why did you and your husband course, I mean, well, let's put it this way. There's a lot of things that I could say, but we just were like compatibility and togetherness and communication. It just just you know, you look at the love languages and all those things. You try to figure it out, right, Hannah, Like you're always like, what went with what to get to this? And there are so many freaking factors, and I could say it's just it fell apart, but then I um, I asked for an absolute smack in the face sign literally prayed to my grandmother because I was going through the hamster wheel of like I'm always complaining, I'm always feeling unhappy, I'm always stealing alone. I'm starting to sound like a martyr. I do everything for my kids, and I'm throwing the birthday party and I'm there for like, I started sounding like the squeaky wheel that I didn't want to be. And I finally one day I said, Grandma's holy please like smack me deliberately in the face. And two weeks after that I got an absolute smack in the face and it was the answer. And when it all went down, I said, if you don't listen to this, you're praising nagain, like your batch crazy. So that was it, and I yeah, I mean i'd like for it to sound like a closed door easy journey. It's been a freaking roller coaster ride. And I identify so much every podcast when you guys are talking, I'm like, oh my god, oh my god, I get this me too. Well, it's it's interesting. Well, thank you for sharing that. Um, the smack in the facing is funny. I was actually just writing earlier. You know the amount of times that I've said then the last time was my exactly that quote. I said, God, just smack me in the face with it, literally smack me in the face. Because sometimes I've had I had plenty of signs and I prayed for plenty, plenty of signs. But that's why I was like the this was that really a sign? I need to be done done or is that a sign to like keep working on it or is that like you know, And that's why I was like literally smack me, like yeah, million times I was. I was enabling the whole thing because you know, you want to believe and I hear all this stuff. Now everybody's using labels of everybody's divorcing an narcissist right now in the whole world, right everybody's divorcing a narcissism and it's always the path. And I'm like, I'm just a really good person who believes in like that everything's going to work out. So I am very optimistic by nature. But wholy put an optimist in a downward spiral of a divorce and strip away all the things that you thought life was supposed to be and having kids was supposed to be, and that will send you for a real wild ride of like self awakening, you know, like rewriting that story. It's really really hard. It's easy to say it change your mind. I think that's what we connected on was Christmas Day I didn't have my kids, and I was like, holy how, I'm not okay with this. I don't want to go be with anybody, not even my parents. I just want to be alone and do nothing and be with my thoughts. If you told me that that's what my adulthood was going to be, like, I really that's depressing, But what's the alternative? So I think we're always playing with those like self discovery mode. I can hear that you do it too, and and I'm still trying to Ah. It's so. I was actually just talking to my boyfriend about this last night because I'm like, you know, he's got his reasons why his marriage didn't work, and I've got reasons why I'm you know, my marriage didn't work. And sometimes I get angry about it. But at the same time, I'm like, but yeah, and I don't know what's going to happen with me and I but like, but we're here now, and it's like it could be even great, better than anything we ever imagined. And then and then my therapist would say to like, well, if the cheating and all that stuff didn't happen, like, were you actually happy, and like do you think you would have made it work? And I'm like, I don't know, Like I would have loved the opportunity to try, but I don't know, but but I'm like, but I don't think so, Like it's just like trying to understand, like it's just marriage is just hard in general. But I don't, like, I don't know because it's a tough question. Yeah, because like we were so different. I I just I don't I'm like I always just said to him, like I wish I would have been given the opportunity to like not you know, because trolling or have these emotions or have that like taint our marriage because I don't know how it would have looked or have been different, right, And so then I get frustrated about that. But at the same time, like, but now I'm here and I'm happy and I've got two beautiful kids. But then again, I don't like co parenting with them. How's your co parenting situation going. It's really hard. It's hard. It's so hard. It's like I try to be the person that's not like going to nitpick the food options that he makes, right, And I'm like, I just don't just shut your mouth. Just control what you can control. And then I'm like, can you just teching that you know you can't help it, you can't help it. I'm not I'm not a Gray Rock person. I'm not going to put the stuff that happened to me and all of a sudden act different. Um. I recently switched divorce attorneys because everybody was telling me, you've got to protect yourself, you've got to get this, and you've got to get that, and like, I know that, but I'm still who I am. So my approach in attorneys and the court system shouldn't be anything but me, you know what I'm saying. So it was like I was having all these feelings in this anxiety and I'm like, why am I feeling so anxious? I'm like, because this attorney's approach is not my approach. It wouldn't be my approach. There's a way to get from A to Z, and it doesn't have to be this way. There's plenty of ways to get there. So I don't know if that makes sense. But I'm trying to just stay like really true, no matter how angry I am or how hurt I feel. Is trying to stay true to who I am. You know, I'll challenge you on that. I did yesterday and it was freaking crazy. Is I started video and I took my phone out and I recorded myself talking as if I was talking to a judge about who I am as a mother, and I said, I can't stand this system because here's who I am, Here's who I've always been. And I just started like bawling because I was describing myself as a mother and it was the most beautiful it to hear yourself like talk about yourself from almost the third person. It was beautiful. And I shared that with a friend and she said, have you ever written yourself an apology letter from him? That was? I did that? Who? No, I haven't. I'm gonna need to have a whole night to myself for that. But it's just, yeah, that letter is like one of the greatest things you can do with my therapist because you know, you'll probably never get the apology. I'll never get the apology that we truly want. And so my therapist said, write it in his words. And to this day I still reread it sometimes because it helps. I don't know, it's just like it's crazy, but it definitely helps. Um, what is what do you think? For you? Has been like kind of UM, you're saving grace to stay positive when it's when it's you know, when you're having a tough day where you want to get angry because like my thing is now, I'm like, I don't really like I don't I don't want to be angry at him anymore. I want to just get right with me and be at peace with me. Yeah, the biggest savior has been me because I was the little kid whose parents got divorced. So I think I can see things differently because of that. And I now have this online community of women who come to me. I'm like, I don't know anything, but I'll just be here for you, you know. Um. But there was a woman, she's one that kind of connected us. She sent me your stuff and she sent my stuff to you, and I was like, um, and she asked me about her like mothering her what her daughter was kind of going through with their split, and I just put myself in the daughter's shoes. And she's like, oh my gosh, I've never thought of it like that. I'm always thinking about what I can do better, but you just put me in the body of my daughter to kind of go through what emotion she's feeling. So I was that little kid. How old were you when your parents split? Like three? Okay? So what did your parents do right? Because my parents didn't split to the I was fourteen or thirteen fourteen, So what did your parents do at that age that you can look back and go like, okay, they did that right. What they did right is they completely put their hands up and let my grandparents do a ton. And those were the days. I mean, I'm forty four, so the eighties was when you were growing up. You were outside, you were playing with your friends. All the things that we talked about now that's like, oh my god, childhood then it was so different. It was, and I feel like grandparents were made to be just grandparents then, Like I don't remember my grandparents not ever being available, Like their social calendar was like they were home and the news was on. So I will say my my parents didn't feel they were very young, so I don't think they felt that need to let control me as a parent. So it was like they let me do my thing. I grew up very independent. I was at my grandparents, I was at my friend's house. I was always like the odd man out. I was hanging out, going on ski trips with my friends. FAMI. What about like birthdays and stuff like did you celebrate it with your mom and dad or did you do have joint ones or I mean separate ones. No, it was usually with. It was usually with Like my grandparents would host it and it would be like one parent or the other. Date. When I graduated from college, my mom hosted a um college party and all my friends were there. My dad came and all my friends that were there, was like, oh my gosh, they were in the same room. It took me to be one years old. What do you think about that? Like? Where where are you at? It? Like where it's um and I'll tell you after after you tell me yours, but like where you know? What what are you going to do when it comes to like you know, birthdays and things like that. Well, we when we, I would say, like a year after we split, he was here a lot. He was here a lot, he was at we were in the same place as we were having conversations all the time, and I was really optimistic that all right, we could we could be almost like best friends and we can do this the right way. I still, like, deep down want to believe that someday all this will go away and we'll be able to get there. But um, I had that vision of we can do it the way I always wanted my parents to be able to. But then you are if you're when you're seeing other people and there's just anger and resent, there's just stuff there that just doesn't allow it right now. Um So yeah, that's I guess that's the answers. I would like for it to be that way. I don't see why it can't be that way, But it takes two people to be that way. I think, like when it's fresh to like I know, for me right now, like I I always struggle with that. I'm like, well, I feel bad and then you guys are like, I mean I can see both sides of it, but when you've got significant others, I just don't see how that works. Well, I mean not right now. I would say it would just be you know, hope, maybe I would love to eventually, like down the down the line, like I would. You know me, I've always like had that like dream of like being you know, close and friends, and but now I don't, but he really wants. But then I was like, well I feel bad and it's like you know, Pamelin was like, don't like this is your weekend and this is the weekend that you're going to have her birthday out and he can do it on his weekend, and it's it's okay, like because when he does come around, like I get anxiety again or I get like and the kids are going to feel that. So you know, maybe when that passes and I don't care anymore about an apology, I don't care anymore about what he thinks or whatever, then then maybe I would be like, yeah, sure I don't care because I won't care. Yeah, I mean, but I still care once it's healthy for you go about. I mean, my parents were divorced and they did everything together and that really annoyed me. That frustrated me, and like, be divorced, stop doing everything together, actually get two birthday parties. I'm with you, Gatherine. I don't think my kids need anything that they don't have right now. Yeah, it's awes like we over do this. What they need, what they need, what they need. My kids are fine. Sometimes I'll say you to my daughter who's seven, I'm like, Leila, does it make it like is it weird when you saw me sitting kind of next to daddy at gymnastics Because she's like, she doesn't care She's almost like, why are you bringing this up? You're gonna be overthinking it, Like Nick, I didn't really care about them being together. I think I just as a kid, felt bad. I didn't want anything to be off balance. I didn't want one to think I love the other one more than the other. It was more like, everything's fine, but I can tell when you guys are feeling emotional or annoyed with each other. And I wanted to at that age, even like seven years old, I wanted to be a fixer already. What insrogram are you? Oh my gosh, I tried to do it the other day and I didn't. I think because I listened to yours. I think I was a seven Let's fixer is at seven? I don't know, Actually I don't. I don't even know. That's all I know. Seven was very controlling. I was like, well, I gotta dig in more. I was like, I don't know if I'm to read any What is like your biggest lesson that you've learned as a single mom um empathy in life? Like I feel like I was not to sound cheesy, I feel like I was never really passionate about consulting. I was never I was always love corporate because it was like family. I was an All American D one athletes, so I'm a total like competitive, like there's got to be a goal. And I think the thing that it's taught me is that you can change everything about your life. You it's okay to have relationships that don't stay exactly the same forever. So it's given me this all three sixty degree of like what my friendships look like. Right, if you're a woman and you all of a sudden aren't talking to certain friends, you tend to like over what did I do? What did she do? Why are we not? It's like life, It's okay. There's different seasons, and there's different flavors, and there's different needs you have. Right now, my needs are more met by freaking strangers online who I don't even know personally, that I can relate to more than family members. And I think if you asked me a year ago, if I heard somebody else say that, I'd be like, that's weird, that's a little like something's off with her. But it's just it's just where I'm at. So I've learned that um, picture perfect like really isn't right. Everything changes, So I had the picture perfect life. I remember when I was pregnant with my first set of twins, so that was a very horrific miscarriage. My first pregnancy twenty weeks with twins, like horrible. It changed me. I was like the alpha, freaking boss bitch female who was funny and joyful and all those things. But I didn't feel maternal yet right because I was like it was like all coming together. And now with miscarriages, with divorce, with single motherhood, I'm like, I am the most feminine, gking side of myself that I've ever done. I'm most in line with feminine and like power. Where do you struggle the most? You think, Um, probably just that I feel like my kids aren't getting the version of me that I thought i'd be for them. I'm still fun and I'm still present, but I'm not good at all of those other house keeping things. And I'm not saying like housework, but I'm not the homework mom and I'm not the very organized mom, and I'm I'm trying to be everything to them. Where sometimes it's easier to think about you have a partner and that's what you do together, and you there's a there's a presence in the home. It's not just about what they're doing or putting out. There's a presence. And I feel like my kids got a little bit chipped. We're now like their home with me, and that's great, but it's like the picture right since my parents diporced every journal that I found growing up, Like I sifted through journals and I was like, oh my god. Everything that I talked about goals wise, was like I was gonna get married, and I was going to have kids, and I was going to have a husband. And so your whole life you're dreaming of that, and now that's not there. And yes there's life with somebody else again, and there's you know, creating what the new modern day like family is. But it takes a lot of freaking patients and work too. Okay, I just have to take it back because I don't want you to think that your kids are getting jipped. Because I think of my friend Pamelin, who is the arts and crafts freaking guru, like she arts and crafts more than anybody that I know. With her kids, I don't. I got an arts and crafts sing with Jolie, and it was like this bracelet thing, and I threw it away honestly because I couldn't even understand the directions to doing it, you know. And in my mind, I'm like, well, if Pamelin was Jolie's mom, she'd be able to sit here and do this with her. But I was like, you know what, what can I do that's different than Pamelin? You know what she can't do. So we went up into the music room and we started singing and like, so like I never be the arts and crafts mom. You might not ever be, you know. And I don't know, Katherine, you might not be whatever. Definitely not arts and crafts. Yeah, yeah, you're not gonna be. And like there are kids aren't getting jipped because we're not arts and crafts mom. And because you don't, I don't know, cook them homemade meals every night or whatever. Like I my kids will never get that, mom, because I'm not a great cook. So they're going to get the great stuff at Dad's. And you know, unfortunately I'm trying, but like I'm still just good at microwave of chicken nuggets. So like, but I'm doing, but like I know my strengths and you know your strengths Katherine knows her strengths as mom. That's all they need is just like I just want Mom. They just want They don't care what you're doing with them. They just want to be with you. They're not getting jips, so please like I don't want you to even like feel that like and or that like take that on. Yeah, yeah, I do know. I do know. It's like it's that it's like reframing the story and it's the positive side of that is, Oh, I'm totally the fun mom, like like go like die your kids here, you know what I mean, Like go like do something like fun like you're fun, Like they ain't doing that my house. You know, hopefully hopefully all the kids are gonna want to be here at some point, right Yeah? Yeah, God, are you seeing anyone new? I'm seeing somebody for over for like a year and a half. Okay, how did you how do you continue that? Like how do you let yourself love again? I think this will be a really great like something for people to hear because when we were we were he's got kids, I have kids, you know, similar endings in our marriages, and we were talking about how good we have it, like if I so when we don't have we happen to not have our kids on the same weekends. I don't know what the hell I would do without my kids on the weekends without him, right, because we've created this like side life together and when people are like, oh, what are next steps? Like when would you do? You hang out with the kids a lot? And I looked at him one day and I said, do you realize we have like what most people in their marriages are looking for, Like why is everybody else's version of what we should be? Next matter? Like, let's not let that matter. We have our every other weekends together and we have like one night a week together, and I'm just more comfortable separating that from my time with my kids. I just it's just the way. For some reason, it works better for me. Their dad lives with somebody else, she has kids. My kids go to that environment, they're around everybody. That's great, that's fun. But for me, I just want that time with my kids. I don't want anybody else interpreting my parenting or having any say in my parenting, not that he would, and then vice versa. So we've got a great thing. And I said, this is up to us, Like this is our story. It's no one else's Like if we do this till all the kids are out of the house, then like that's our rules, that's what we're scross. So I think it's unique. When I tell people that, they're like, oh, you don't have any interest in moving in together eventually, not not even on the radar right now that I'm happy and it's very romantic and it's very fun, and it's a piece of myself that's reminded of who I was before kids when I'm with him, you know, like going to the vineyard and going to Nantucket and riding mopeds and going hiking and going skiing, like those are all the things that I was before kids. So I'm getting both of my favorite nikkies right now. I've never said that, well, it's kind of fun. That's like ready for a T shirt. I love it. I wanted to, um, how is it like when you, like when your ex started being with that other person, because I haven't, like really like I had to deal with it like a serious relationship that I don't know if I maybe need a diagnosis here, but that for some reason the other women thing didn't bother me. I don't know. That's you think I'm gonna be it's just my kids. I mean I think, I think, I think it would be tough. Yes, I think, but I don't like my mind. I'm like, I have them, but just don't have my kids. But I want my kids, so I think more that's yet more focused on my kids. But again I want them to be in a healthy environment. And obviously it's such a hypocrite of me because my kids around Ian but baby steps it's hard. It is, it's hard. It's baby steps. Yeah, there's a lot here, there's a lot. This is a whole. I mean, this is like seventeen episodes. I seriously, um, Nikki, where can our listeners find you? So I am on Instagram as NICKI Marie inc and I c K, I M A R I n C. And then on TikTok Nikki unplugged just by accident, different handles alias and now that's an alias. Do you believe that that's what I'm doing full time? Now? Yeah? But you know what, that's amazing and how fun myself? I'm not in any one, I mean really you are though, like you're influencing people to like laugh, you influenced me to laugh laugh. You know, just take yourself less seriously, um, being more present and have fun and be goofy with your kids. Like I all the things you just said to me is like your kids are getting what they need when you're just present and your yourself. That's the biggest thing. So yeah, on social media, I'm there. I'm not going anywhere. Well good because I need you and I relate to and I appreciate you. So thank you for being the O G authentic girl. And um yeah, I'll see you on the I'll see you on the dark web. Absolutely. Thank you, guys, love you. Thank you so much for coming on wine down. Okay, Benny, She's so sweet, she is. I love her. I love her. Who was calling you? I was looking at it was my lawyer. I was looking at her Instagram and her TikTok, but I pulled out the TikTok and I was already looking at her. She's fun She did that whole like thing that I said about going to the best stop, but in the car rider line with no brawl and like your pajamas. I can appreciate that. I know she's funny. I really enjoy it. But now that's good. I like I like everything. She said. Alright, guys, well um that's about all I got for today, so see you next week. Can buy me