Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.

Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.

All right, so we are picking up where we left off, and let's just dive back into the conversation. Guys, what do you think we still hear Ellen? We're good, Okay, let's do it. Thoughts on your kids calling Alan dad.

All right, so we are picking up where we left off, and let's just dive back into the conversation. Guys, what do you think we still hear Ellen? We're good, Okay, let's do it. Thoughts on your kids calling Alan dad.

I get it. Made the lorde I get it.

I get it. Made the lorde I get it.

That's a tough one. Yeah, They've never, you know, called Alan dad at my house. I'm not like, I'm not going to sit here and tell them you can't call him what you want to.

That's a tough one. Yeah, They've never, you know, called Alan dad at my house. I'm not like, I'm not going to sit here and tell them you can't call him what you want to.

Call him, which we also had a conversation about that too, all three of us remember when we had a conversation last year when I was pregnant with Rouman and you're like, he can't like, we can't say what they can and can't do. If they want to call him the Easter Bunny, they can call him Easter Bunny. They can call him whatever he wants. I'm not going to say you have to call him down.

Call him, which we also had a conversation about that too, all three of us remember when we had a conversation last year when I was pregnant with Rouman and you're like, he can't like, we can't say what they can and can't do. If they want to call him the Easter Bunny, they can call him Easter Bunny. They can call him whatever he wants. I'm not going to say you have to call him down.

No, yeah, I and you don't. No one has to do any kind of correcting. But that's what that's that one stinks the most. If if I were to hear it, or you know, if the kids tell me like, oh, Mom told us to call him dad, Like that would send me.

No, yeah, I and you don't. No one has to do any kind of correcting. But that's what that's that one stinks the most. If if I were to hear it, or you know, if the kids tell me like, oh, Mom told us to call him dad, Like that would send me.

It wouldn't happen because I wouldn't. I wouldn't allow youth to see the kids in a.

It wouldn't happen because I wouldn't. I wouldn't allow youth to see the kids in a.

Yeah, I think the only thing is with with now Roman, it's more like I still say Alan ninety percent of the time, but sometimes be like, go give us to Dad, you know, because it's like Roman, and like it becomes like a no in that.

Yeah, I think the only thing is with with now Roman, it's more like I still say Alan ninety percent of the time, but sometimes be like, go give us to Dad, you know, because it's like Roman, and like it becomes like a no in that.

And and that I'm cool with and I'm able to separate myself to a degree. But yeah, that's just the hardest thing. Again, it's just like missing moments with the kids. It is what it is. The territory the kids are.

And and that I'm cool with and I'm able to separate myself to a degree. But yeah, that's just the hardest thing. Again, it's just like missing moments with the kids. It is what it is. The territory the kids are.

The kids are in age where regardless of and to be to be honest, I don't I don't. I don't think they'll call me dad, and that's fine. But I think they're at an age Mike, where I'll always they're very clear on who their dad is and who their stepdad is. Right, there's no I don't think there's anything like that's that's the situation. And I think it's not like it's not like I've been with the kids since they've been one years old, six months old, where it would be any different. So sure, sometimes it might slip out of their mouth differently than what it should. I don't think I don't think they'll either be a habit. I don't think they'll ever constantly call me dad. I think I think they're an age where it's this is all kind of happened when they're in age where they're old enough.

The kids are in age where regardless of and to be to be honest, I don't I don't. I don't think they'll call me dad, and that's fine. But I think they're at an age Mike, where I'll always they're very clear on who their dad is and who their stepdad is. Right, there's no I don't think there's anything like that's that's the situation. And I think it's not like it's not like I've been with the kids since they've been one years old, six months old, where it would be any different. So sure, sometimes it might slip out of their mouth differently than what it should. I don't think I don't think they'll either be a habit. I don't think they'll ever constantly call me dad. I think I think they're an age where it's this is all kind of happened when they're in age where they're old enough.

Yeah, at this point if yeah, they kind of call you what they call you, mm hmm. But I you know, Allen, Allen where it's like a father or dad is you know, someone who provides, protects, takes care of a child, right, whether biological or not. So you know you're still worthy of the title obviously. But yeah, the kids.

Yeah, at this point if yeah, they kind of call you what they call you, mm hmm. But I you know, Allen, Allen where it's like a father or dad is you know, someone who provides, protects, takes care of a child, right, whether biological or not. So you know you're still worthy of the title obviously. But yeah, the kids.

Now, I mean, does Mike dislike you bringing up that you pay him child support?

Now, I mean, does Mike dislike you bringing up that you pay him child support?

Yeah, of course. And that's that's a hot button for us. And we know that. M h you hate it. I hate it, do you.

Yeah, of course. And that's that's a hot button for us. And we know that. M h you hate it. I hate it, do you.

That's it's such a low something.

That's it's such a low something.

I love you.

I love you.

So for the podcast.

So for the podcast.

Save it for the podcast. Yes, And that's and that's the thing.

Save it for the podcast. Yes, And that's and that's the thing.

This is, this is the only thing we really truly fight about.

This is, this is the only thing we really truly fight about.

Yes, it really is. This is the kind of really true, last remaining resentment and Janna hasn't made up that I enjoy receiving that, especially with kind of money being a thing in our marriage and our history and all this kind of stuff. You always kind of brought that up. The last thing I want is for you to think that I need I want that from you. And so finding my way post of wars, of finding my career, finding the thing where I can provide and do all of that stuff has taken some time. And starting my own business with what I do now, which I've talked about, is taking some time, and it's a battle because I reinvest uf that I make back into my business in order to make more and build and build and build. But the ceiling is so high with what I do that it's going to get to the point. Trust me, I told you, it's like I have my goal at by a certain time that like I'm just going to show up and have a paper from my lawyer signing over like, hey, this is not your obligation, legal obligation anymore. Like that'll be the most freeing moment for me, like ever in the history of Mike and Jana because of our history and so no part of me enjoys it.

Yes, it really is. This is the kind of really true, last remaining resentment and Janna hasn't made up that I enjoy receiving that, especially with kind of money being a thing in our marriage and our history and all this kind of stuff. You always kind of brought that up. The last thing I want is for you to think that I need I want that from you. And so finding my way post of wars, of finding my career, finding the thing where I can provide and do all of that stuff has taken some time. And starting my own business with what I do now, which I've talked about, is taking some time, and it's a battle because I reinvest uf that I make back into my business in order to make more and build and build and build. But the ceiling is so high with what I do that it's going to get to the point. Trust me, I told you, it's like I have my goal at by a certain time that like I'm just going to show up and have a paper from my lawyer signing over like, hey, this is not your obligation, legal obligation anymore. Like that'll be the most freeing moment for me, like ever in the history of Mike and Jana because of our history and so no part of me enjoys it.

At all.

At all.

I hate it.

I hate it.

Why do you hate it?

Why do you hate it?

Because it's because now I know like how much weight you have with it, like how it affects you, and that you hold it again me and it creates this narrative of the that just isn't accurate in my mind. And it's just a loss from anything conflicting between us that still lingers from our past. And so it's I want to be able to relinquish both of us, all of us Alan you, just the whole situation just from that.

Because it's because now I know like how much weight you have with it, like how it affects you, and that you hold it again me and it creates this narrative of the that just isn't accurate in my mind. And it's just a loss from anything conflicting between us that still lingers from our past. And so it's I want to be able to relinquish both of us, all of us Alan you, just the whole situation just from that.

You both have a few ways that you justify it, and it will always cause some sort of conflict always because finance is one of the biggest things, is finances. One pays, one receives. The lulways be resentment and conflict though, it's just how you manage it with each other.

You both have a few ways that you justify it, and it will always cause some sort of conflict always because finance is one of the biggest things, is finances. One pays, one receives. The lulways be resentment and conflict though, it's just how you manage it with each other.

And I don't want that there anymore.

And I don't want that there anymore.

I don't either.

I don't either.

I understand the court of law. It's just really that is It's just really hard for me, it really, And that's where it's like what I was talking about in therapy a couple of weeks ago, because I'm like, I don't want to hold onto this resentment and anger, but it still sits in me. I know it does, and it's and then it affects us, and I don't want it to affect us. And then I have this like pipe dream. I'm like, well, how do I believe that he says in this many years or whatever like that it'll actually happen and then there will there always be this that thing, And I'm like, I don't want there to. I just I'm like, I want to be like free from it all.

I understand the court of law. It's just really that is It's just really hard for me, it really, And that's where it's like what I was talking about in therapy a couple of weeks ago, because I'm like, I don't want to hold onto this resentment and anger, but it still sits in me. I know it does, and it's and then it affects us, and I don't want it to affect us. And then I have this like pipe dream. I'm like, well, how do I believe that he says in this many years or whatever like that it'll actually happen and then there will there always be this that thing, And I'm like, I don't want there to. I just I'm like, I want to be like free from it all.

Again, I do too, And that's what the narrative you've made up. It's like when it comes in, I'm just like a yeah, Like I.

Again, I do too, And that's what the narrative you've made up. It's like when it comes in, I'm just like a yeah, Like I.

Just don't know who would ever say no to free money, essentially.

Just don't know who would ever say no to free money, essentially.

Me because of our past, because of just everything, because I know that's the last lingering thing between us and my own pride and ego is destroyed the fact that I am in a position where I need to take it to be completely vulnerable. It is what it is.

Me because of our past, because of just everything, because I know that's the last lingering thing between us and my own pride and ego is destroyed the fact that I am in a position where I need to take it to be completely vulnerable. It is what it is.

That sucks, Which is another reason why we have you on the show, because I am all about go Mike Cousin in the world of healthcare, because.

That sucks, Which is another reason why we have you on the show, because I am all about go Mike Cousin in the world of healthcare, because.

What a segue. Only your bollos wants to know if you go only funds.

What a segue. Only your bollos wants to know if you go only funds.

No, But I'm honestly maybe to pay for child support I'm going to have to sell my feet to only fans to pay for child support. There's the headline.

No, But I'm honestly maybe to pay for child support I'm going to have to sell my feet to only fans to pay for child support. There's the headline.

You gotta do.

You gotta do.

But so shout out about the healthcare because we want you to be successful. I am rooting for you, not only to be fair in the world of Listen, I didn't need to have you come on the show. No you didn't, and I'm not getting, you know, cutbacks from this. I really want you to succeed so that you feel comfortable in a place where you Again, legally you don't have to ever end that, but at least you know I can try to help support so you don't feel tied down and bogged down by finances and get a good client list together. So how can you help people? Where can they find you? Tell us what this election means too? Now with healthcare, which I think I know nothing about, I don't know, is the Obamacare still around like I don't. I'm still on my SAG insurance.

But so shout out about the healthcare because we want you to be successful. I am rooting for you, not only to be fair in the world of Listen, I didn't need to have you come on the show. No you didn't, and I'm not getting, you know, cutbacks from this. I really want you to succeed so that you feel comfortable in a place where you Again, legally you don't have to ever end that, but at least you know I can try to help support so you don't feel tied down and bogged down by finances and get a good client list together. So how can you help people? Where can they find you? Tell us what this election means too? Now with healthcare, which I think I know nothing about, I don't know, is the Obamacare still around like I don't. I'm still on my SAG insurance.

So yeah, No, the election did affect it good or bad to a degree. I mean, it was happening regardless, but it definitely affected it from a negative sense in terms of the government offered plans. Because in twenty twenty one, during COVID. The government passed the American Rescue Act. It was basically COVID nineteen stimulus package where they had like one point nine trillion dollars or something set aside for subsidies for people to afford healthcare because you know, obviously people weren't working as much, a lot more unemployed, small businesses were going down, so it's a way to help subsidize all those costs. Well, that's ending now end of twenty twenty four, so subsidies that people were getting from the government on those plans are dropping significantly. Or maybe they were getting thousands of dollars off now they're getting tens of dollars or maybe like one hundred dollars. So basically, just you know, people that are whether it's an employer plan, whether you work for yourself, whether you know, whatever it is that you do. I'm able to kind of help navigate all of that and be strategic for people and find the best option that fits like their health needs, their budget needs, what they need for their family, for themselves, for their business, whatever it is. I'm an advisor, it's what I do. I can It's a foreign language to a lot of people with healthcare in this country. I am a translator. And that's like I talked about last year. Why I enjoy what I do is because I'm an asset to people with something that they don't understand. So whether it's a DM email, best way is probably just my Instagram and message me there and then we can kind of take off from communicating there and we'll get on the phone and talk about things and figure out what's going on.

So yeah, No, the election did affect it good or bad to a degree. I mean, it was happening regardless, but it definitely affected it from a negative sense in terms of the government offered plans. Because in twenty twenty one, during COVID. The government passed the American Rescue Act. It was basically COVID nineteen stimulus package where they had like one point nine trillion dollars or something set aside for subsidies for people to afford healthcare because you know, obviously people weren't working as much, a lot more unemployed, small businesses were going down, so it's a way to help subsidize all those costs. Well, that's ending now end of twenty twenty four, so subsidies that people were getting from the government on those plans are dropping significantly. Or maybe they were getting thousands of dollars off now they're getting tens of dollars or maybe like one hundred dollars. So basically, just you know, people that are whether it's an employer plan, whether you work for yourself, whether you know, whatever it is that you do. I'm able to kind of help navigate all of that and be strategic for people and find the best option that fits like their health needs, their budget needs, what they need for their family, for themselves, for their business, whatever it is. I'm an advisor, it's what I do. I can It's a foreign language to a lot of people with healthcare in this country. I am a translator. And that's like I talked about last year. Why I enjoy what I do is because I'm an asset to people with something that they don't understand. So whether it's a DM email, best way is probably just my Instagram and message me there and then we can kind of take off from communicating there and we'll get on the phone and talk about things and figure out what's going on.

And your Instagram is.

And your Instagram is.

Am underscore costing.

Am underscore costing.

I am underscore cousin.

I am underscore cousin.

I believe that's it.

I believe that's it.

We have to get you signed up, babe, yes on ours. Healthcare is stressful. I'm dealing with a I thought my mri for my back was covered and now it's like not being covered, but yet it said it was. And so it's like it's an mrizer not expensive.

We have to get you signed up, babe, yes on ours. Healthcare is stressful. I'm dealing with a I thought my mri for my back was covered and now it's like not being covered, but yet it said it was. And so it's like it's an mrizer not expensive.

Yeah, over five thousand dollars easily.

Yeah, over five thousand dollars easily.

Yeah, the back one was just like the lumber and back it's it was two grand. But still I'm like, lord, like, this is insane, and now they're at So it's just it's and I don't know who to call, so and.

Yeah, the back one was just like the lumber and back it's it was two grand. But still I'm like, lord, like, this is insane, and now they're at So it's just it's and I don't know who to call, so and.

That's where and that's where too, people don't know who to call. They call the one hundred number on the back of the car. Anytime I help somebody, I tell them I come with the plan. And so if you do have a question, a claim to make, anything like that, you don't have to call that number and talk to ten different people who don't want to do their jobs. You call me directly and I help you navigate that or just take care of it for you. So it's a lot of customer service on my end, but it helps people a lot.

That's where and that's where too, people don't know who to call. They call the one hundred number on the back of the car. Anytime I help somebody, I tell them I come with the plan. And so if you do have a question, a claim to make, anything like that, you don't have to call that number and talk to ten different people who don't want to do their jobs. You call me directly and I help you navigate that or just take care of it for you. So it's a lot of customer service on my end, but it helps people a lot.

Can you get your truck wrapped? And home? Mate ho, big.

Can you get your truck wrapped? And home? Mate ho, big.

Mate coll, big golf, big Mike.

Mate coll, big golf, big Mike.

Translia Okay, I do want to ask a quick question before we go into co parenting. What, Mike, what is different about this relationship that excites you for the future, Not a relationship, your new relationship, Oh mind.

Translia Okay, I do want to ask a quick question before we go into co parenting. What, Mike, what is different about this relationship that excites you for the future, Not a relationship, your new relationship, Oh mind.

Yeah, okay, 'all's relationship. Well, let's talk about.

Yeah, okay, 'all's relationship. Well, let's talk about.

It, about your new relationship that excites you. And then what is the biggest thing that you are taking from our past to do differently this go around?

It, about your new relationship that excites you. And then what is the biggest thing that you are taking from our past to do differently this go around?

Good question. What excites me is that I've been friends with this person for I met her a month after we separated platonically, naturally, and she lived out of town and we were just long story short, we just became friends, and so what excites me is having such a foundation with somebody where it's like she never once like judged me when everything was very public and you know, things were as bad as they were and all of that kind of stuff. She was just my friend the whole time. And so having someone who is had love for me through all of that, through just an you know, unfiltered lens is just something that.

Good question. What excites me is that I've been friends with this person for I met her a month after we separated platonically, naturally, and she lived out of town and we were just long story short, we just became friends, and so what excites me is having such a foundation with somebody where it's like she never once like judged me when everything was very public and you know, things were as bad as they were and all of that kind of stuff. She was just my friend the whole time. And so having someone who is had love for me through all of that, through just an you know, unfiltered lens is just something that.

Is not lost on you.

Is not lost on you.

No, it's not lost on me at all. And then what was the second part of that.

No, it's not lost on me at all. And then what was the second part of that.

What is the biggest thing that you are taking from our relationship to do differently in this one?

What is the biggest thing that you are taking from our relationship to do differently in this one?

Everything? I mean when I you know, when I look back at our relationship, I think, at least for me, a part of why we're able to be such good friends now is I feel like those were two different people. At least for me that was. It feels like a completely different person than I am now compared to back then, just through you know, my own journey and stuff the last several years. So I mean, not just being comical like everything, just the amount of respect that her and I have for one another and just the open transparency with anything and everything is just a lot different obviously.

Everything? I mean when I you know, when I look back at our relationship, I think, at least for me, a part of why we're able to be such good friends now is I feel like those were two different people. At least for me that was. It feels like a completely different person than I am now compared to back then, just through you know, my own journey and stuff the last several years. So I mean, not just being comical like everything, just the amount of respect that her and I have for one another and just the open transparency with anything and everything is just a lot different obviously.

Yeah that's good. Yeah, yeah, no, it's I mean, listen, it's someone had DM me earlier about how how do you get past your ex moving on with someone else, and because they might be getting you know, the different or change version or and you know, there's things that you'll have said where I'm like, oh, that's nice. Would have been nice if you did in our relationship, you know. And but I think it's one of those things where, like to your point, it was, you have to be able to separate. People change, people evolve, And you know, I'm for the sake of everybody, like I hope and you know I have, I have hope, and I have I I pray that like that you for the kids and for everybody's happiness that you know, you knew everything that happened and went on and how much damage it caused and not only to the surrounding people but to yourself. And so you know, I think it's a I think what I'm I think, what I'm trying to say is I just I I think people can be different in different relationships.

Yeah that's good. Yeah, yeah, no, it's I mean, listen, it's someone had DM me earlier about how how do you get past your ex moving on with someone else, and because they might be getting you know, the different or change version or and you know, there's things that you'll have said where I'm like, oh, that's nice. Would have been nice if you did in our relationship, you know. And but I think it's one of those things where, like to your point, it was, you have to be able to separate. People change, people evolve, And you know, I'm for the sake of everybody, like I hope and you know I have, I have hope, and I have I I pray that like that you for the kids and for everybody's happiness that you know, you knew everything that happened and went on and how much damage it caused and not only to the surrounding people but to yourself. And so you know, I think it's a I think what I'm I think, what I'm trying to say is I just I I think people can be different in different relationships.

So you know, I think people are definitely different people in general.

So you know, I think people are definitely different people in general.

Yeah, So I think like for people that are and it's not that they're getting the better version or this, they're just getting a different version. And that's what it's like. And that's okay.

Yeah, So I think like for people that are and it's not that they're getting the better version or this, they're just getting a different version. And that's what it's like. And that's okay.

You know, Yeah, I think you and Alan are a testament to that. I think my my sister and my brother in law are testaments to that where it's like my brother in law, I'm obsessed with my brother in law because he's the perfect person for my sister, right, And I think just from what I see in y'all's dynamic, I'm like, Alan's the perfect kind of person for you. You like, you'll stand there, be stoic, what you spin your top a little bit, You'll throw some logic and rationality your way, and then you come to your conclusion.

You know, Yeah, I think you and Alan are a testament to that. I think my my sister and my brother in law are testaments to that where it's like my brother in law, I'm obsessed with my brother in law because he's the perfect person for my sister, right, And I think just from what I see in y'all's dynamic, I'm like, Alan's the perfect kind of person for you. You like, you'll stand there, be stoic, what you spin your top a little bit, You'll throw some logic and rationality your way, and then you come to your conclusion.

Most of the.

Most of the.

Okay, I'm the coparenting questions.

Okay, I'm the coparenting questions.

Did you disagree with that?

Did you disagree with that?

Which piece? Well, maybe I think it's like the translator. No, I mean, I think there's a piece of that. But there's also where I feel like we can talk about like this morning, where it's you or yesterday the mood where I kind of let you have your mood.

Which piece? Well, maybe I think it's like the translator. No, I mean, I think there's a piece of that. But there's also where I feel like we can talk about like this morning, where it's you or yesterday the mood where I kind of let you have your mood.

You want to talk about it, small thing, Let's talk about it, small thing.

You want to talk about it, small thing, Let's talk about it, small thing.

Let's talk about this morning.

Let's talk about this morning.

It's just sent me to win another pool on Onstagram.

It's just sent me to win another pool on Onstagram.

Babe, I'm here for the tea.

Babe, I'm here for the tea.

Maybe it's a different discussion, different day, same discussion, differently.

Maybe it's a different discussion, different day, same discussion, differently.

But it's more just we both let each other kind of spin the top and then you come back and you brought sweet flowers last night and been like all right, I'm sorry, or you know, we just were. We we get each other moods and spins.

But it's more just we both let each other kind of spin the top and then you come back and you brought sweet flowers last night and been like all right, I'm sorry, or you know, we just were. We we get each other moods and spins.

Yeah, where it's like.

Yeah, where it's like.

I know that his uh, your depression is not in the moment about me depression. We need get sad and you need twixes co parenting. Why from Hannah, was it ever awkward at first when all three of you would hang out together? No, no, Mike, be honest, how did you truly feel when you found out Jana was having a baby with someone else? Dun, dun, dun.

I know that his uh, your depression is not in the moment about me depression. We need get sad and you need twixes co parenting. Why from Hannah, was it ever awkward at first when all three of you would hang out together? No, no, Mike, be honest, how did you truly feel when you found out Jana was having a baby with someone else? Dun, dun, dun.

I was excited.

I was excited.

Yeah, you're really good with Roman.

Yeah, you're really good with Roman.

Well here's here's what's funny about with Roman. And I tell people this because I mean Jane obviously you know me and I love kids. I love babies, and like, if Roman was any anyone else's baby, I like picked the baby up, I'll played the baby. But because of like boundaries in respect, I put myself in Allen's shoes. I'm like, all right, how would I feel if the ex husband is like being overly friendly with like my kid? And so I tell people, I'm like, you don't when I see Roman, I just kind of pat them on the show, IM like, hey baby, like I treat adult. I just kind of poke them. I'm like, what's that, big man? Were good? All right?

Well here's here's what's funny about with Roman. And I tell people this because I mean Jane obviously you know me and I love kids. I love babies, and like, if Roman was any anyone else's baby, I like picked the baby up, I'll played the baby. But because of like boundaries in respect, I put myself in Allen's shoes. I'm like, all right, how would I feel if the ex husband is like being overly friendly with like my kid? And so I tell people, I'm like, you don't when I see Roman, I just kind of pat them on the show, IM like, hey baby, like I treat adult. I just kind of poke them. I'm like, what's that, big man? Were good? All right?

Cool?

Cool?

See you later. You know it's so because I don't want to overstep in any kind of way. But no, I was excited. I mean I called it, called you out, Yes you did when you're pregnant.

See you later. You know it's so because I don't want to overstep in any kind of way. But no, I was excited. I mean I called it, called you out, Yes you did when you're pregnant.

But yeah, will you decide together when they can have a phone, the kids?

But yeah, will you decide together when they can have a phone, the kids?

I sure, hope.

I sure, hope.

So yeah, I am never Oh, I'm very against phones. Yeah, playing with phones, having them?

So yeah, I am never Oh, I'm very against phones. Yeah, playing with phones, having them?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't want her on social media.

I don't want her on social media.

No.

No.

I think there's a discussion and safety.

I think there's a discussion and safety.

With that as well, though, think Nick Witard does is aniquid one.

With that as well, though, think Nick Witard does is aniquid one.

The safety having a little normal phone that just texts, messages and calls in case of an emergency, right right, Yeah, for.

The safety having a little normal phone that just texts, messages and calls in case of an emergency, right right, Yeah, for.

Sure when they're going yes, but in social media, well I don't when When when will we let her have a phone? Freshman year? No social media?

Sure when they're going yes, but in social media, well I don't when When when will we let her have a phone? Freshman year? No social media?

No hold out as long as we can and too, until it becomes kind of to Allen's point where maybe she's doing the sport or whatever, where she's doing more traveling and doing more things with just a team, or you know, we're kind of sharing responsibilities with other parents of taking them places or whatever. Then it's like, Okay, when they're not with us every second and purely dependent on us and more independent in that kind of way where we can't dictate and control every single place they go and what they do, then okay, it's like you said, somewhere to be able to check in with them and communicate with them if we need to.

No hold out as long as we can and too, until it becomes kind of to Allen's point where maybe she's doing the sport or whatever, where she's doing more traveling and doing more things with just a team, or you know, we're kind of sharing responsibilities with other parents of taking them places or whatever. Then it's like, Okay, when they're not with us every second and purely dependent on us and more independent in that kind of way where we can't dictate and control every single place they go and what they do, then okay, it's like you said, somewhere to be able to check in with them and communicate with them if we need to.

Will you ever want fifty to fifty Yeah.

Will you ever want fifty to fifty Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely, that's tomorrow.

Yeah, absolutely, that's tomorrow.

Well, chat, how did you remain a good co parent while working through hurt from X I'm struggling. First of all, I'm sorry you're struggling. It is no easy feet You.

Well, chat, how did you remain a good co parent while working through hurt from X I'm struggling. First of all, I'm sorry you're struggling. It is no easy feet You.

Can kind of plug in, at least for me what I said earlier about thinking of the basics the elementary for the status of the kids of just healthy, taken care of their safe as long as you know that they're still physically safe with the other parent. Okay, you can't control anything else.

Can kind of plug in, at least for me what I said earlier about thinking of the basics the elementary for the status of the kids of just healthy, taken care of their safe as long as you know that they're still physically safe with the other parent. Okay, you can't control anything else.

I also think too, and this goes back to you know what you're saying, and then earlier where it's it'd be really easy to all hate our exes yea, and to have it be a just just I'm like, be like, I don't want I don't want to carry that like I don't That's why that's why the money piece is so because I'm like, I don't want to care. I don't want carry any hate. I don't want to carry any resentment. I don't want to carry any any stuff. I just want like everyone to be happy, everyone to get along, because it's good for the kids, because I didn't have that with my parents, and I want everyone to get along and be in places and like I would love to have had my parents in the same room and celebrate things together and not being pulled. That's why I hated Christmas as a kid. That's why I don't like traveling for Christmas. Is because I hated Christmas as a kid, And which is why I didn't want to get divorced for the longest time. And you knew that, but it was because I'm like, I don't want my kids to have separate holidays because as a child, the anxiety of not pleasing the seven different sides of my family are going to this person's house and then going here and then going there. I just hated every moment of that, which is why, you know, you might be able to understand too, Alan, why I'm like, can we all come together? Because it's my childhood trauma, I guess comes in to play for that where it's like I just want everybody to get along.

I also think too, and this goes back to you know what you're saying, and then earlier where it's it'd be really easy to all hate our exes yea, and to have it be a just just I'm like, be like, I don't want I don't want to carry that like I don't That's why that's why the money piece is so because I'm like, I don't want to care. I don't want carry any hate. I don't want to carry any resentment. I don't want to carry any any stuff. I just want like everyone to be happy, everyone to get along, because it's good for the kids, because I didn't have that with my parents, and I want everyone to get along and be in places and like I would love to have had my parents in the same room and celebrate things together and not being pulled. That's why I hated Christmas as a kid. That's why I don't like traveling for Christmas. Is because I hated Christmas as a kid, And which is why I didn't want to get divorced for the longest time. And you knew that, but it was because I'm like, I don't want my kids to have separate holidays because as a child, the anxiety of not pleasing the seven different sides of my family are going to this person's house and then going here and then going there. I just hated every moment of that, which is why, you know, you might be able to understand too, Alan, why I'm like, can we all come together? Because it's my childhood trauma, I guess comes in to play for that where it's like I just want everybody to get along.

I'm glad you said something about that because I actually had a question around that, like, being from a divorced family, what have you been the most conscious of over the last couple of years. I kind of as we've navigated all of.

I'm glad you said something about that because I actually had a question around that, like, being from a divorced family, what have you been the most conscious of over the last couple of years. I kind of as we've navigated all of.

This, one is again just you know, I didn't have to invite you to the birthday parties. We could have had separate birthday parties. You know, I really didn't like. If you want a birthday party, you can throw it on your day. I like, And there's a lot of people that don't do that. Yeah, for sure, But again I like for the fact of how I felt as a kid not having my parents together. It didn't feel good, and so I like it for the kids that they can see us good together. I also though it was hard in the beginning, Uh, not speaking through the kids. Yeah, I don't want them to hate you. It's hard because a piece of me did. And like that's frustrating when they're like, oh, Dad's the best, and I'm like, yead, he's the best, He's awesome, you know, but so but I've seen the negatives of parents talking through their kids and then how it affects their relationship.

This, one is again just you know, I didn't have to invite you to the birthday parties. We could have had separate birthday parties. You know, I really didn't like. If you want a birthday party, you can throw it on your day. I like, And there's a lot of people that don't do that. Yeah, for sure, But again I like for the fact of how I felt as a kid not having my parents together. It didn't feel good, and so I like it for the kids that they can see us good together. I also though it was hard in the beginning, Uh, not speaking through the kids. Yeah, I don't want them to hate you. It's hard because a piece of me did. And like that's frustrating when they're like, oh, Dad's the best, and I'm like, yead, he's the best, He's awesome, you know, but so but I've seen the negatives of parents talking through their kids and then how it affects their relationship.

Did either one of you ever think, like Alan being divorced, you being just a couple of years older, and Jana like ever like, did you ever think you weren't going to find somebody right where You're just like kind of started thinking, you know what, maybe this is just my life and I'm a single divorced parent and you know, you got Troy and it is what it is and you're going to live your life. Or Jana, for you it's like, hey, you know what, maybe I'll just date every now and then and I got the kids. Did any part of you just kind of think maybe I'm just not going to find somebody.

Did either one of you ever think, like Alan being divorced, you being just a couple of years older, and Jana like ever like, did you ever think you weren't going to find somebody right where You're just like kind of started thinking, you know what, maybe this is just my life and I'm a single divorced parent and you know, you got Troy and it is what it is and you're going to live your life. Or Jana, for you it's like, hey, you know what, maybe I'll just date every now and then and I got the kids. Did any part of you just kind of think maybe I'm just not going to find somebody.

I you know, I mean, I'm a lover. I love to love. I always knew I was going to find love again, like my person. I didn't think i'd have another kid, oh for sure.

I you know, I mean, I'm a lover. I love to love. I always knew I was going to find love again, like my person. I didn't think i'd have another kid, oh for sure.

So yeah, I think my man says the same as yours. I knew.

So yeah, I think my man says the same as yours. I knew.

I knew I would find it because I was open to it and it's something that I wanted, and the part of me Kana knew I would have another kid, so that the only difference between yours nice. I knew I would find the right person mm hmm, and I keen of knew when that happened that I would we in the cement and so I defy that relationship with the baby.

I knew I would find it because I was open to it and it's something that I wanted, and the part of me Kana knew I would have another kid, so that the only difference between yours nice. I knew I would find the right person mm hmm, and I keen of knew when that happened that I would we in the cement and so I defy that relationship with the baby.

I'll be honest. There's until like recent.

I'll be honest. There's until like recent.

I love you're so You're so European. Sometimes they're accently love it.

I love you're so You're so European. Sometimes they're accently love it.

Until things changed recently, I thought for a while because I hadn't gone on a date in like over a year, and I thought for a little bit there, I was like, you know what, I got two great kids, healthy, happy, all that stuff. I'm focused on my career, I'm focused on the kids. Maybe I will just be single. And as bad as it sounds and kind of made me feel at times, I feel like I'm almost like the the bonus parent of third parent to like you guys, it's like, hey, maybe this is my life. Maybe it's just me being available to be flexible no matter what, like for the kids. And like I was okay with that oddly too for a while, But I was thinking of that recently. I was like, I wonder if you know, you guys, have ever had ever got to the point where you just kind of felt that that maybe that's just a difference in me. It's just like there's part of me that was content.

Until things changed recently, I thought for a while because I hadn't gone on a date in like over a year, and I thought for a little bit there, I was like, you know what, I got two great kids, healthy, happy, all that stuff. I'm focused on my career, I'm focused on the kids. Maybe I will just be single. And as bad as it sounds and kind of made me feel at times, I feel like I'm almost like the the bonus parent of third parent to like you guys, it's like, hey, maybe this is my life. Maybe it's just me being available to be flexible no matter what, like for the kids. And like I was okay with that oddly too for a while, But I was thinking of that recently. I was like, I wonder if you know, you guys, have ever had ever got to the point where you just kind of felt that that maybe that's just a difference in me. It's just like there's part of me that was content.

Do you think that is a I meet You don't need to ask us, but do you think that is a there's a piece of that as a self worth piece.

Do you think that is a I meet You don't need to ask us, but do you think that is a there's a piece of that as a self worth piece.

For sure.

For sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're limiting your aspirations and things based on how you're thinking, know, how you're feeling about yourself at that particular thing.

Yeah, you're limiting your aspirations and things based on how you're thinking, know, how you're feeling about yourself at that particular thing.

No, that definitely was a part of it where you know, I didn't have been fortunate for a majority of my life to be comfortable financially, whether it's through my own career and then through you know, having the support of Jana or the then things that we did together, and so then to come out of that and just being a different position, a position than what I'm used to, there's still that part of you that like, even though I know the financial doesn't matter, well, when you're used to having something you don't have anymore, and part of it becomes your identity, sure self worth goes down. And so which is again why like my person now? Like damn you can like me for me? What the what?

No, that definitely was a part of it where you know, I didn't have been fortunate for a majority of my life to be comfortable financially, whether it's through my own career and then through you know, having the support of Jana or the then things that we did together, and so then to come out of that and just being a different position, a position than what I'm used to, there's still that part of you that like, even though I know the financial doesn't matter, well, when you're used to having something you don't have anymore, and part of it becomes your identity, sure self worth goes down. And so which is again why like my person now? Like damn you can like me for me? What the what?

In a way that's an intimacy that you probably haven't experienced. That where the struggle of intimacy?

In a way that's an intimacy that you probably haven't experienced. That where the struggle of intimacy?

Oh for sure, Like this is the most intimate yeah connection like ever And a lot of that has to do with like my own personal circumstances of questioning my own self worth and kind of where I'm at compared to where I want to be, where I'm going to be, and where I'm used to being because the thought of dating actively dating over the last ten months, it's like I haven't got time for that. Like any money I'm making is back into my business or into the kids and just living.

Oh for sure, Like this is the most intimate yeah connection like ever And a lot of that has to do with like my own personal circumstances of questioning my own self worth and kind of where I'm at compared to where I want to be, where I'm going to be, and where I'm used to being because the thought of dating actively dating over the last ten months, it's like I haven't got time for that. Like any money I'm making is back into my business or into the kids and just living.

Yeah, oh, get on a love boot. So you healing.

Yeah, oh, get on a love boot. So you healing.

Rapid fire? What rules do you have for Alan as the bonus parent? Is he allowed to discipline the kids?

Rapid fire? What rules do you have for Alan as the bonus parent? Is he allowed to discipline the kids?

Yeah? I mean I actually have a like a six minute long video on my phone that I want to cut up and post of the kids. Before I was going to do one of my like insurance videos. They just started kind of riffing off of each other, and Jolie was over here snitching on Jase, talking about like Ja's like, you know, getting physical and like hitting Alan or this that or the other, and and I'm like, what, you don't hit Alan? And Jolie was like, you know, she said, She's like, well, Alan said, he's like if you don't stop, on to smack your arse. And I was like, good, he should and so and we both there's numerous times.

Yeah? I mean I actually have a like a six minute long video on my phone that I want to cut up and post of the kids. Before I was going to do one of my like insurance videos. They just started kind of riffing off of each other, and Jolie was over here snitching on Jase, talking about like Ja's like, you know, getting physical and like hitting Alan or this that or the other, and and I'm like, what, you don't hit Alan? And Jolie was like, you know, she said, She's like, well, Alan said, he's like if you don't stop, on to smack your arse. And I was like, good, he should and so and we both there's numerous times.

Because they do not, and that's exactly how I say, yeah.

Because they do not, and that's exactly how I say, yeah.

But in meanwhile, I'm like, yeah, he should. And I've had numerous conversations with them. I was like, Alan is just like mommy and daddy. I was like, I don't ever want to hear you guys mouth off to Alan talk back to Alan. I was like, he's the same as us. You listen to him the same as us. There's no difference. So we've had those conversations numerous times. And it's because now that the dynamic is what it is that I trust and respect Alan's judgment. And Alan's a dad, Like it's not like you're coming into this, you've never had kids.

But in meanwhile, I'm like, yeah, he should. And I've had numerous conversations with them. I was like, Alan is just like mommy and daddy. I was like, I don't ever want to hear you guys mouth off to Alan talk back to Alan. I was like, he's the same as us. You listen to him the same as us. There's no difference. So we've had those conversations numerous times. And it's because now that the dynamic is what it is that I trust and respect Alan's judgment. And Alan's a dad, Like it's not like you're coming into this, you've never had kids.

Before, right, Yeah, I mean it's also where we're at now too. At the beginning you obviously didn't. But now that we're married, and there's times when I'm like, I cannot be because the time shared difference too with the kids. I don't want to be the only person being like guys, stop, come on and like Jase eat that stop too much catching, you know, And so he's I feel like you're stepping in more with that, and I appreciate it because it is is. I don't want to be the freaking bad person all the time.

Before, right, Yeah, I mean it's also where we're at now too. At the beginning you obviously didn't. But now that we're married, and there's times when I'm like, I cannot be because the time shared difference too with the kids. I don't want to be the only person being like guys, stop, come on and like Jase eat that stop too much catching, you know, And so he's I feel like you're stepping in more with that, and I appreciate it because it is is. I don't want to be the freaking bad person all the time.

That's going to be tough to navigate for you.

That's going to be tough to navigate for you.

There isn't.

There isn't.

It isn't because I think I've got a real self good self awareness around went to step in and went to just okay, yeah, this is a lot of the time the two of them can figure it out themselves because they have to experience that and figure it out with each other because they'll always be a power.

It isn't because I think I've got a real self good self awareness around went to step in and went to just okay, yeah, this is a lot of the time the two of them can figure it out themselves because they have to experience that and figure it out with each other because they'll always be a power.

Struggle between the two of them. So it's when to actually step in. And when I know that you're tired or maybe you've tried a couple of times.

Struggle between the two of them. So it's when to actually step in. And when I know that you're tired or maybe you've tried a couple of times.

Then yeah, I usually just stop and that's when you go in.

Then yeah, I usually just stop and that's when you go in.

So maybe then I step in at that point. But I'd never be overpowering or overbearing with them. I think it always comes back to the you're reasonable, respectful person, then you'll treat other one in the family.

So maybe then I step in at that point. But I'd never be overpowering or overbearing with them. I think it always comes back to the you're reasonable, respectful person, then you'll treat other one in the family.

So let's end on this. What do you think is most important when it comes to having a healthy co parenting relationship. I would say letting the past be the past and putting the kids to the forefront as best as you can because it is a daily effort.

So let's end on this. What do you think is most important when it comes to having a healthy co parenting relationship. I would say letting the past be the past and putting the kids to the forefront as best as you can because it is a daily effort.

So fully illness.

So fully illness.

Yeah, I mean all the above, just I know it's easier so than done, but it's all about the kids, and that's what you know. It's validating when like, if you know Jane and I when we post a story and we're in it or whatever, it's like the amount of comments or messages I know that I'll get let on a jam. I'm sure you get it tenfold. But it's like people just are happy to see the level of co parenting that all three of us are able to do, and the amount of people have been like I hope mine gets to that point someday is like I'm like, damn.

Yeah, I mean all the above, just I know it's easier so than done, but it's all about the kids, and that's what you know. It's validating when like, if you know Jane and I when we post a story and we're in it or whatever, it's like the amount of comments or messages I know that I'll get let on a jam. I'm sure you get it tenfold. But it's like people just are happy to see the level of co parenting that all three of us are able to do, and the amount of people have been like I hope mine gets to that point someday is like I'm like, damn.

So that's and that's where I'm always like, why do you like do that? And why I like to do this? Is because we of all people have had a really hard past, but we're able to be on the other side of it, still going through things, but that can still be civil and kind to each other and have respect and have some sort of an actual friendship too in there with it all. So I think there's hope for people in this situation. Don't give up on that. And I would just say, yeah, try as best as you can to keep the past in the past and to start the new relationship. Alan, I appreciate you coming on. I know that's an answer, yeah, but I appreciate you coming on because it's you are a part of this when this is we're all in this together, and so it takes it takes all of us to make this work too. That's the thing. It's going to take your person coming in because if she throws a wrench and she's not also, then it's like then it becomes rent. Everyone needs to have respect and good communication and be kind and want at the at the end of the day right to all get along for the kid's sake.

So that's and that's where I'm always like, why do you like do that? And why I like to do this? Is because we of all people have had a really hard past, but we're able to be on the other side of it, still going through things, but that can still be civil and kind to each other and have respect and have some sort of an actual friendship too in there with it all. So I think there's hope for people in this situation. Don't give up on that. And I would just say, yeah, try as best as you can to keep the past in the past and to start the new relationship. Alan, I appreciate you coming on. I know that's an answer, yeah, but I appreciate you coming on because it's you are a part of this when this is we're all in this together, and so it takes it takes all of us to make this work too. That's the thing. It's going to take your person coming in because if she throws a wrench and she's not also, then it's like then it becomes rent. Everyone needs to have respect and good communication and be kind and want at the at the end of the day right to all get along for the kid's sake.

And I think very are lucky.

And I think very are lucky.

We are.

We are.

You hear a lot about stories.

You hear a lot about stories.

About I don't want to be angry. I really like that's the thing too. It's like sometimes when I hear people in their co parenting fighting and it's I'm like, oh, like, I don't like who who wants to hold that and have that like this?

About I don't want to be angry. I really like that's the thing too. It's like sometimes when I hear people in their co parenting fighting and it's I'm like, oh, like, I don't like who who wants to hold that and have that like this?

Just I don't.

Just I don't.

I don't want to.

I don't want to.

I don't. I don't want to. You're exhausting enough. We don't need to be exhausted by each other.

I don't. I don't want to. You're exhausting enough. We don't need to be exhausted by each other.

So should we go to Florida, Miami or which beach location for.

So should we go to Florida, Miami or which beach location for.

The Yeah, I'm busy.

The Yeah, I'm busy.

Family vacation?

Family vacation?

Where should we go next year? We just have to do one. I'm not saying it has to be an annual thing. I would like to see if Pam will let us come, you know, I look, you know, drop in on your family vacation one one year.

Where should we go next year? We just have to do one. I'm not saying it has to be an annual thing. I would like to see if Pam will let us come, you know, I look, you know, drop in on your family vacation one one year.

You know, my parents would love that, but again.

You know, my parents would love that, but again.

I think it's fun for them to have their own things too. Okay, anyways, this was super fun and we'll see you get next year. Mike, all right, okay, everyone go vote for Mike and for Mike. Yeah, for for life insurance, life insurance, health.

I think it's fun for them to have their own things too. Okay, anyways, this was super fun and we'll see you get next year. Mike, all right, okay, everyone go vote for Mike and for Mike. Yeah, for for life insurance, life insurance, health.

Insurance, vote for Mike. D M me, it's fine, d m M. Vote for Mike and a flag and it all helps. Everyone supports the dam and

Insurance, vote for Mike. D M me, it's fine, d m M. Vote for Mike and a flag and it all helps. Everyone supports the dam and

Producing, everybody, helping everybody, Okay, all right, I guess

Producing, everybody, helping everybody, Okay, all right, I guess