Dancing with the Stars champion Sharna Burgess is here to Whine Down this week! She shares some insight into what led her partner, Bobby Bones, to 1st place despite his poor dancing early on. And she offers some deep insight on body image and “the journey to loving yourself”, including some simple tips on how to improve the way you see yourself. Then, Jana and Mike talk to Steve Dziedzic, founder of Lasting.com, a marriage health app backed by TheKnot. which offers accessible and effective couples counseling. It’s a game changer for people who want to strengthen their marriage but don’t like couples therapy. And we hear from Jana’s Nashville girlfriends, because they have a lot of thoughts on Mike’s choice for a pantry door in their new home. Click here to check out Sharna’s new workout video, “Jive”
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Wind Down with Janna Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. I am so excited to wind Down today and the Gang. I mean that's yes, it's Janna and the Gang today because you guys, my best girlfriends are in town from Nashville. Um, and I'm just super excited about this show because I feel like the last couple of shows. Uh, let's see, I was puking and having a panic attack. I was crying. I you sounded and looks great. Still, thanks, But we were fighting about the holidays. But this is our last show before the new year, and we just really wanted to have a fun show and laugh. And there's no better way to do that than you know, my girlfriends flew in and Mike is um in a very small house with four four ladies and ladies infant ye, but we're just super excited. Um. We've got some really great guests. But Michael, we have to talk to you. Um. I don't even know Katherine, who wants to Rachel? I mean, okay, well here's the thing. Katherine is on your side, but I think Rachel started off okay, Well, Mike, I mean it's the it's about the Stree door. Oh look, Okay, okay, okay, okay, let me catch everybody up. So Michael and I are building a house in Nashville. Um, We've talked about it a couple of times, and Michael comes to me and says, Honey, I really want a frosted pantry door, like where it says pantry. And I'm like, oh, okay, like, and so I send it to my girl group and I say, okay, shoot me because Michael wants a frosted pantry door. And I sent like a picture of the bread thing. No, we're we're totally door shaming, Beth. Go ahead. I mean, I mean, like you send us one with a bread basket. Also the graphics mark. All the men like it. Why. I don't know if I can explain that, but i think it's really cool when I see that. I'm like, it's like, oh, this is nice when you take a look inside. There was a follow up email that was also shared with us about a custom order and I, to which I replied, of course it's a custom order because they have not made these doors. They are not sold anywhere. But I mean, seriously, I don't understand, like do you want the bread like what is it? Because you even wanted like frosted sliding things into the gate. I'm like, baby, like the frosted, Like, why frosted? It's so but it's not. And you want the bread basket on there? Actually it's actually no, that was just a joke. Oh the bread basket was a joke. Okay, Yeah, the bread basket was a joke. Okay, yeah. I had to keep you guys going on that one. Oh say, I thought you were being serious. Oh look at Mark just pulled it up. That's exactly that fantastic. Do you think, Oh my god, that's seriously hate it. It's cool. And let me just preface, I'm not on your side in the sense that I like this door. I do not like I hate it, but I am on your side that I feel like she should let you have and that's something. And she hasn't very proud of her well, because these girls are very good. Yeah, and Beth and Rachel even today at lunch, I go, girls, we have to talk about the frosted door on the podcast, and She's like, well, why haven't you said anything to him? And I was like, because I feel like I say no a lot to things that you bring up. And Katherine's like m m m m m m. And that's why she's on my side. She's like, well, I said, you know, because he wants this and he wants that. And they're like, why can't you say yes to those things and then just say no to the frosted door? And I was like, well, because I feel very strongly about the other ones that the frost the door, it's you know, it's a way, it's down the hallway. You're not really going to be able to see it. You're gonna walk in from the garage, if you want to go into the kitchen or the dining room, you're going to see it. What do you want just a plain white door just sitting there in the Beth? Go ahead? And if we have at this pantry people don't have the guests and wonder, they're not gonna think it's the bathroom and they're not gonna think it's anything else and say, oh, that's the pantry, Beth, go ahead, into which you replied, what are you gonna good label every door? We might bathroom, the bathroom, Like, yeah, a bathroom, master bedroom, guest bedrooms, bedroom, Why do you need a pantrys? Going up around Los Angeles frosted glass is coming back. It's not. It's not. We can be ahead of the curve in Nashville. It says you really wanted to say pantry on there? So are we going to get a laundroroom door? Sure? God to have a wash bucket on it? Why I don't understand, Like, how about that for your bathroom? It says bath with a circle around? I don't know why guys like labels. I knew he was joking about the bread basket. I saw the way you texted it to her. I was like, he is messing. I don't I don't buy it. Mind you, Okay, Jane doesn't want to talking about inside of our pantry. She's like, I want everything organized, I want it labeled, I want baskets, I want this. Well that makes sense. I'm like, okay, so why not commise? Why are you really concerned people are gonna knows the pantry? That's just on my list of reasons why one of many? I can't with you? Oh my goodness. Well but here's well, here's the thing I am. You know, I always take your side, but a little bit I'm not saying on the pantry thing, and you guys might have mentioned this when I went to get Sharna. But the playhouse he built so insane that I feel like maybe he does know what he's doing on that tip, like not in everything play house. No. I mean, look, Amy, I get it, you know, I think he did a great job on the playhouse. But I just don't think you have to label every door. You don't, and you're gonna know it's a pantry. But but because Katherine I talked about this at lunch too, we are we say no a lot to certain things. So we're gonna give you. We are all going to give you this pantry door. We crosted pantry door here, blessed by the troop dancers. Tell us off the troop dancers. And I'm gonna tell you, why is Sharna here? Okay, so you're like good leading. So Beth is obsessed with Dancing with the stars. I was obviously on Dancing with the stars. But we like to have wine, and we like to improvide what's that called? And we like to Yeah, we like to and we like to interpretive dance and we dance terribly one and I don't think, okay, fine, but like whatever, we're going to do it a lot this weekend. Thank you, Rachel Um. So we we labeled ourselves the Troop Dancers and then the husbands have a group, right, what is it. It's like the real husbands of Hollywood, but we're like the real husbands of the Troop Dancers. Yeah, so we're we're we're Troop Dancers. And we have Sharna Burgess on the show today, who is a Dancing with the Stars winner. She won with Bobby Bones. So we're super excited before we bring Sharn and we need to talk though about Amazon Fire TV because obviously we have a three week old and we've been watching a lot of TV, catching up on a lot of movies, been nesting. We have been nesting, and just remind our Amazon to Fire TV brings all the live and streaming content you love to the biggest screen in your house. So now we can sit on our couch with our two kids and watch what we want like Netflix, Netflix, Prime Video, who is so much more? You can watch YouTube videos, access, Reddit, Facebook, you name it. Yeah, your recreation. What's the thing you been watching? Parks and recreation? Even watching that amazing show by the way, Nikole from was just in the stop in Oh, just a little kid reaction. Also just caught up on my Amazon fire on Walking Dead good season this year, I have no desire give it a try. A lot of people think that zombies it's about love, It's about relations hurry. I tried by myself before I ever met Jail Single. I tried watching it one night and I got like five minutes in this little girls like a zombie walking gap, and I was terrified, So I turned off, like not for me. Well, if you guys want to watch any of those amazing TVs, head to www dot Amazon dot com slash wind down again, that's Amazon dot com slash wind down to order a fire TV of your very own, and they make a great gift for your friends and family this holiday season. Amy, what were you going to say about the zombie? I know literally exactly who you're talking about. From the first episode of Walking Dead, Rick wakes up, He goes out into the world and that he thinks it's a real live girl, and he says, a little girl, can I help you? And then she's and moving on? All right. I have talked to my girls about something. I know the ladies good chime in on this one. So I am when is my period gonna come back, by the way after having a baby. Um hm, okay, awesome. Well I'm about to have a period again, so this is gonna be real fun. So um. Lola is an amazing female founded company and they offer a line of organic cotton tampons, pads, liners, and all natural cleansing wipes. So the thing that I love about Lola is that they come to your door so I can order however many regular tampons I want, or if I want pads, or if I want I don't have to just go get I can customize exactly what I want for my body. And every time they show up at the door and my husband knows what time of the month it is. So for forty percent off all subscriptions, visit my Lola dot com and entered Janna. When you subscribe. Again, for forty percent off all subscriptions, visit my Lola dot com and entered Janna when you subscribe. Ladies and gentlemen, we have Shanna and beautiful red hat. Okay, we're having a party because this is like the last episode before like the whole holiday, you know everything, So so we're having like a lot of fun. It's girl time. Can we just rewind the past couple of weeks. You won with Bobby Bones, we have a Y the Stars champion. Yeah. It was possibly the most shocking season for me to have one. It was not the one that I expected, but it certainly was the most amazing win. I'm still still processing, to be honest. So he went to bed early that night and he he woke up the next morning and I said, hey, babe, shut up, Michael okay, and he goes, hey, babe, who went who one dance at the Stars? And I was like Bobby, and He's like shot. I was like, yeah, But I loved it though, because I feel like for the first time, obviously he wasn't the best dancer right of the you know, the other celebrities, but I feel like, you know, he had the best heart, and I don't know. It always bugs me when, of course, you know, the the Olympic gymnasts is gonna win or you know what I mean. I think it was. I think it was really special this season. For a long time now, we've seen the best dancer win, right, which is the one that usually comes on with dance talents. So what's really hard is when we're getting celebrities to come and do the show. They're like, well, why am I going to do it if there's a gymnast because I have no shot at winning. Yeah, Like in our season, I was like, Okay, well Lord's winning. Here we go, right, you know what I mean? And you feel like it's a given. And Dancing with the Stars is what's always separated us from other dance shows is that we're so much about the story and the human and then the dancing. And I think we really saw our fans connect to that more than ever this season. And it wasn't just Bobby's fans. It wasn't just the beating. It was Dancing with the Stars fans that connected to him on a very raw, vulnerable level. And watch this man say, hey, I am I'm actually terrible at this and I'm terrified of it. But hopefully me doing this is going to inspire you to do the thing that you're terrified of, because you never ever know what can happen. And look what happened. He came out and he won the thing. No, not because he was the best dancwer, not because we have the best scores, but because he honestly had so much heart and he was just so real about saying this is who I am and kind of age yeah, and hopefully I can inspire you all to do the same. And he's got he's got an unbelievable story, Grea, so being able to share it in a deeper way on Dancing with the Stars than he did because you know, he did American Idol like kind of the you know peer yeah, yeah, and which he is again this year. Oh yes, And so that was fantastic to start to get his story out there and then to dive deeper with you guys. I mean that definitely had to build his fan base and support. Were you kind of like in the very beginning where you like, you need to tone it down because of the reaction the first night. I didn't know what was happening that I was like, you were generally like, well, oh god, were you embarrassed or like this is either going to backfire a huge Oh no. I loved it the first time. I loved it that and you've got to understand that for the second third time, the flush I wanted to smack him. Actually I believe I whacked him in the face with the rose on Life television because I was so mad. But then I also at some point when this is Bobby, this is not I can't ask him to be something that he's not. He's coming on here to just truly be who he is in raw form, and I have to allow Bobby to be Bobby. And that was the best decision that I could have made. But you have to understand that first night came out of nowhere because Bobby in the room when he's learning, is not that person. He is literally silent. He doesn't say things, he will not his head or shake his head, and he's so hard on himself and so dedicated to trying to get better at this thing that he knew he was awful at, right, so he put in so many hours of just grueling, blood and sweat and frustration to try and get it. And in the room, I'm thinking, oh my god, he hates every single part of this, but that's just his process. He wanted to honor me, he wanted to honor the opportunity, he wanted to try and get better. And so on. On night one, when we went out and we finished that drive and he fighting like that, I was like, oh, I was ready for it. I was, certainly I was still in a backbend. So I was really not ready for it and I almost lost my dress. Play was I mean amazing, your face was like, I mean, it's a gift, it's a meme, it's it's all the things, and but it was amazing. And then you know again, like I said, the best decision I could have made the whole season was to just let Bobby be Bobby and give him his moments to shine, because ultimately that's my job anyway, and it was. It was a really beautiful, unique, crazy, wonderful, difficult, but just awesome season for me. I did you guys fight at all? I mean, what was what was probably the biggest we wish you y'all had. I mean, we definitely have moments. Come on, it's ten weeks of endless hours with each other. Um, there was I think it was Country Week. I actually think it was our v is well It's weak where we just got on each other's nerves. It just got to that point where it was like I couldn't have anything about you. You know, both of us will saying the same thing, like what I was doing was frustrating him, what he was doing was frustrating me. And we weren't communicating anymore because it was just it was tough and the pressure really was on and he was putting more and more pressure on himself. But I would say we never fought, We never rose our voices in each other, that we never we just we sat on the plane again. Yeah, we start on a plane next to each other for six hours and didn't talk. Like that was outline that you spend so much time together. It's just yeah, I mean you came home plenty of times I think, yeah, I hate him. Yeah, it's tired. Yeah, it's so hard, and especially when it messes with your psyche and you don't feel good enough, and it's just it plays on your insecurities and you start to you know, when you get to that end half of the season, you really start to lose sight that you're here doing this for fun because it becomes that competition. You worry about what the judges say, and then what all the hate that he was getting online, which is end us every day. Uh, and that can get to a person. You know that we're all human, that that sort of thing is going to get to you. And so we weren't on the same way for a little bit there, Like around the Country week and then we we got back onto it, you know, but everyone goes through that every season. I have that with every partner. You have a moment where it's like I can't stand you, and then you come back to it. You guys, the show dives so much into obviously the stars who come on the show and dance with you guys, and their story and their journey. Do you have? Is you guys as the pros? Do you guys ever like, well, what about us? Like? We want to tell our story and our side of things and where we come from and what we're doing and how we got here? Do you ever guys? Talk about that? Every now and then the show gives us a little moment where we get to talk about something that has to do with us. I think a couple of times we have. But honestly, it's not the job, right. You come onto Dancing with the Stars knowing that you are the person to give this other other person a journey, and that is actually more rewarding than having to sit and talk about yourself. I don't even think I'd know how to create a dance for me, but I am so good at and I love create eating dancing dances, for other people about their story. Storytelling is my jam, but if it was my own story, I'd be like, oh, I don't know what to tell that that. There's just so many things I actually prefer being able to create for other people than myself. So I love that element of it, to be honest. When did you struggle with your body image? Oh my gosh. It was from when I was a young teenager. I every Tuesday night, I would be weighed in front of the start. Yeah, we all got weighed because at dance class. No, yeah, we're in a dance competition. And we would have training sessions every night, and every Tuesday were all the girls would not the guys might do. The guys didn't have to get away, just the women would have to line up and get wade. Uh. And every Tuesday night I was told that I needed to lose more weight, and I would spend the whole day not eating because you know, you're fourteen fifteen and is it a competitive competitive room. The dance industry is brutal that way that you know you're you're you seemingly have to have this image. Um, And that was the beginning of me not loving my body. I've always been athletic. I've always been very strong in my build. I'm not the slim, slim girl that you see, but it's your bodies and I know that now. But I didn't get that then. You know what I mean. I love my body from my muscles and my curves and what it could do for me. Um, but it was, it was a real thing. I would want to wear all the baggy clothes and all this and all the costumes. I just I wanted to cover everything up because I was so insecure, and I thought that that was what was getting in the way of me winning. Wow, in that crazy So what age was did that kind of click for you that you kind of embraced your body? God, honestly, I would say, really honestly, truly early late twenties, late twenties and early thirties. I'm thirty three now. It's only been the last four or five years of my life where I'm like, No, I love my skin that I'm in. I love what I what it's given me, what I get to do. When I see what other people look at me, and I'm not seeing myself right, I just like body dysmorphe, I'm not seeing what other people see, And so I went through my own journey again of learning to love the skin that I'm in, And it really was dance that helped me do that. It was dance has always been my therapy as a kid. It's always been where I've released things and emotions and discovered things. And I started to really take notice of what my body has done for me my entire life, and how much I should love it and how much I should take care of it. Uh, And it was it's a difficult journey to love yourself, it really really is. It is. Well, I'm really happy for you though that you're on this, you know, I mean, because I've always been super envious of you. I think you're beautiful in your body, like you look amazing like always, I'm just like, god, she's so hot, Like You're just like, you're so freaking what do you got hearing you talk about that? Because I think everyone can relate, whether they're too big or too small. Janna just went through it too. It doesn't matter what you are, someone's gonna criticize you for it. I have not very farm last night, which is crazy, and two times two women had to be asked. It's like so upsetting too. They couldn't ride the ride because they were too big, and these women were not big. That's what was really and and we you know, these were strangers, but you kind of comfort the stranger, like, don't worry about it, you look beautiful. And it was. But it's like every day somebody is judging you or something happens like that, and it's like, I don't even know how we're supposed to deal with all that that. I guess for me, what I had to learn is that I can't control that. Like you said, there's always going to be someone that can't stand something about you, and they're going to find that thing or something like that. What can you not stand about me? Because she went straight? There's something that someone's nothingness. You've gotten here before, right. It's so hard being in the public eye sometimes because people want to come at you. They find a way to take their own insecurities out on you. And the biggest thing is to realize that it actually has nothing to do with you. These things that people say about you that I mean, actually have nothing to do with you as a person. That's their own issue, and so you don't deal with it. You just brush it off. And walk away. You choose to not deal with it, You choose to not take it on and to to have it become a part of you. But that is a really difficult skill to learn, you know, do you guys, you guys think, I mean, for both you, Janna and Sharna, for you guys are both too beautiful women. You know, and you guys take care of yourselves. But do you find it harder to come out and be honest about maybe your insecurities about yourself because the outside world probably looks at you and thinks you guys are beautiful women. It's like, oh, you're being petty, like you're so pretty, Like how dare you come out and say you feel this way about your body? Well that's why I didn't want to post the photo of my stomach after because I was like, oh, someone's going to say that like I looked too small, and I ended up like getting crap for that. Yeah, so I didn't so I was like, yeah, let's wear baggy stuff, or like, yeah, how don't present him same? I think, yeah, absolutely, It's it's no matter your shape, your size, or what you look at. We all have insecurities, and so if I have insecure is about the way that I look. But someone else criticizes me for that. That's really unfair because I genuinely go through that and we all have to go through that journey of accepting and loving ourselves and having someone point the finger and say you're ridiculous for feeling that way. You're actually that doesn't help me. You're smaller than me. Yeah, It's like, yeah, I might be more fit than you, but I still there's something that I don't like about myself, right, So don't tell me that, you know. Yeah, again, it's that journey to loving yourself. But we we live in a world where people want to point the finger and criticize because it takes it away from themselves, you know what I mean. And so again you have to make the choice to go, Okay, I'm going to choose for that to not affect me. I'm going to choose to not take that on, and I'm going to choose to go through my own journey of loving myself regardless of what they say and what they How do you do that? Because I can say that and I try it and I cannot do it. It's it's really difficult. It's for me, it's a lot of journaling and a lot of practicing gratitude. Every morning I wake up, I practice gratitude, and it puts the focus at the beginning of my day, not on everybody else is doing, not on my Instagram feed, not on what people are saying on Twitter. Don't even look at it. It It used to be the first thing I looked at in the morning and it ruins your day. But now I start my morning with I wake up, I grabbed my gratitude journal and I write down, try and do different things every day, but different things that I love about myself, my life, and things that I'm so grateful for. And it starts my day with a focus on all the positive things in my life. And then I walk my dogs and make my coffee and I enjoy my life and my life that I have built for me before I have to go and deal with the work things, or the other people, or the things that may cause me in securities. And it's I try and go back to that thought I try and have. If I get in a moment where I feel like things are getting too much, I just you know, whether it's in my car, whether it's at home, wherever it is, I just try and it's like meditation, right. You breathe in, you breathe out, and you have a marchra and just keep saying it to yourself and it really does help level out your emotions and what frequency you're vibrating on, because that is a really big part of it. Negative emotions create more negative emotions, and then you start vibrating on this really fast freak and see that just feels awful. So you have to learn to calm yourself down and breathe through it, uh and really look at what's in front of you and what you value most and it's not other people. And it takes practice too. I mean, it's that's the thing. It's a daily Yeah one day, it's not just gonna do it one day like I'm gonna feel great about myself. Sometimes it's just got to keep doing it over and over and over again. I think that's so important. That's what Sharan and I were actually talking about that before she came in, and Mike can relate as like an athlete. You have to do it like it's a sport, your training, your training, your mind because it doesn't happen overnight. It's these for something to become a habit, So try something for twenty one days and then go from there. Um, real quick, sorry, I want to talk to you about your the Dance Cardio series, but I have to ask a question UM for the moms here because as a mom and your daughter Um is in competitive cheer, competitive dance gymnastics, same for you to h. So my question with that is do you think that, I mean, how do how do you go around that? For some when I when I when I put Jolly into skating or dance, obviously, if it's competitive, you're gonna be Yeah, they're weighing and all their body image. So we're it's a tough industry, right, I think that and I say this, and I don't have kids, but all I know that that helped me, and it only came later in life, was learning to not take on what other people say. Now when you're a kid, that's really really difficult. I think the best thing you can do is teach nutrition and teach health and you know, and teach kids to be able to look after them themselves nutritionally right, to understand what they're putting in their body makes a really big difference, and it's your health at the end of the day, not just your image. So you want to be healthy from the inside out. Uh, And I think that's where having you know a body that you can love because you've taken care of it really takes place. But as far as what other people say, it's I think this is and this is going to sound awful, it's it's something that we all go through to build up your thick skin, right, And the only thing you can do is be there for them and let them know that that is not what the opinion of them that should matter. The only opinion should matter is what they think of them. Like, what if they said Emmy was too because she's a flyer, So what would they What would you say if they said that she has to weight? I will say with because she does competitive cheer, so I do. And I had dancer friends, completely different ballgame and that industry. It's it's brutal um for them. They kind of because it's cheer, they kind of embrace different sizes. Yes, it's harder for tumbling, but like you need a tall girl to be a back spot, you need to be so it's not as big of an issue and cheer. Granted it is harder for tumbling. Obviously, and so that could be a thing, but I honestly don't think it would come up for Emmy and cheer but dance. I mean, I have friends that went through it. It's the same thing. Didn't need got weighed all that. Let me let me ask to propose the scenario then, because through sports for men from boys and males and stuff like that. Even in youth football, you had to make weight. You have to be a certain way to play in a certain weight class. Okay, And that's just that's just the guidelines. There's are the rules and regulations. So you're saying, why isn't okay then for women to get in. I'm just saying to a certain extent, if you know, even in professional sports, like guys would have to be if you know, the big guys lineman, if they weren't under a certain weight, they'd get fined thousands of dollars for a pound for being overweight, like the NFL. Are you, yeah, one of those dudes got too big, which I forget one of those quarterbacks got eight too much and and got fine like ten dollars. Teammates that were on a straight plan where like they would have signed something in the off season says that you get to stay between this way and this weight, and if you're not in it, you're getting fine. You know what sucks for just for you to worry about too. If you want to add something to list is little boys that are little that is literally brutal. If they are not tall, well, here you go, it's brutal. I mean, I know a lot of people that go talk about growth hormones and all kinds of things because it's it might be worse. Yeah, I mean, my son is seven and he's little. But um, I think for us and kind of two sharness point, I think it's they go through things and they're going to go through thanks growing up to get a thick skin. And I think as parents it's our job to show that we're comfortable in our own skin and that to teach them those things in addition to the nutrition example. Right. But I mean it's interesting what you said though about you know, hey, if the guys can go through, I mean we have to have just as thick skin too, as is you know, women girls exactly what Sharnes said, it's learning to you know, you've got gotta get thick skin. Something conditioning, right, exactly, and so I think too many people have expectations now for society to conform to people's needs, as opposed to people realizing you're not always going to get the job, You're not always going to be the prettiest. Now is gonna be the smallest or this or that. So like if we had an Abby Lee Miller screaming at Jolie, like, you wouldn't get upset about that all No, not how we were taking we would take her a back. That's ridiculous. That's if if I saw my kid in a class and that's how she was being taught, I would lose that. I'm talking about, Hey, I'm sorry, your son or your daughter can't do this because they've got to be this certain weight. And I guarantee you there's parents out there it's like that's bullsh because you know, and start defending their child when it's like, I'm sorry, Like if your if your kids seven years old and pounds, that's unhealthy. You know what I mean. That's not taching nutrition. That's not teaching a kid to know how to live a long and healthy life. We seem to be going away from this, but I'd love to have the mom's answer, the everybody gets a trophy, we don't keep score. It's from me. Are you guys finding that? That's I hate it. I'm so against it, so against it. But no, it's not going away. It's only getting worse that everybody gets a trophy. Yeah, because I thought that's sort of that seems very millennials experience that, and I think it's why they're a little screwy, to tell you the truth, the whole participation award. I I'm on the same page. I don't get it. I think that that takes away drive and incentive to be the best. Right, How do you become a leader if you if you get the same trophy. Anyway, Like my daughters on competitive cheer and they are not good this year, they're just I mean, I'm sorry. She knows that she's just like me, she's competitive. But like, if everyone just got I mean, she's six almost seven, So if they all just got a participation trophy for it, is she going to learn that she needs to work harder? Is that team going to learn that they need to work harder to place? Real to my dad saying to me, you lost, too bad, too bad, You've lost? Try again? My only issue with it was Jolie had a ballet recital and they gave her this star trophy and Michael wanted to throw it away. She's too Okay, She's like it was it was tarling little star, and He's just like, why did she get a trophy? I was like, because she's too Michael, because she's like me. And I was like, oh here it begins like already she's too like but that's exactly what she's too. She's not gonna remember whether she got a trophy or not. So why are they giving her a trophy? Because it's cute and yeah, and she was adorable doing it. That's what we talked about. Validation, Right, Why isn't mom and Dad's validation of or her own validation of being able to go up and do that. Be proud of herself. Mom and Dad are proud of you. That should be enough. A trophy doesn't shouldn't matter period. Okay, all right, I'm just saying anyways, trying up. I get it. It's a really interesting conversation because it it really tells us what we're breeding right now. Right, they're kind of people that we're gonna make. They're gonna have to be leaders at some point to lead this country. And are we teaching them how to do that? I don't know. Well, he even said he's like, sometimes bullies are an okay thing. Remember he said that, Yeah, sometimes, like people have to learn that deal with bullies. The world is a harsh place. They're never going to go away, right, It's thinking in the young always going to exist. You can't eliminate bullies that you can hopefully teach better ways to deal with them and to um de escalate situations and to understand where it's coming from, right, and to not take it personal. That's a really interesting conversation. Beth. Do you have anything for Sharna? Because this is she's this is your biggest fan right here, by the way, you love her. Don't say anything for you ever since Janna's season thank you? You know you didn't get a Mirrable trophy every season. No, I didn't get one every season exactly for seven years. To get that tangrble. You should have got it with James. That's all I'm saying. Do you have any questions for Sharna? He told you I don't. Okay, she just she's like, oh my god, I have a question though about your Dance Cardio series. Okay, tell me all about it and what how our listeners can can join. And so this started about a year ago and it happened because has gone back to that conversation of learning to love the skin you're in and whatnot. My journey really came through dance and I learned to walk with confidence, move with confidence, love my body and what it does for me, and it keeps me fit at the same time. So I wanted to be able to share that experience. I've also watched now for seven years, time and time against celebrities come on the show and walk and move with so much more confidence at the end of it. You know, the biggest success story for me is Noah Galloway, who was missing his left arm and left leg my war vet, and by the end of that season he was moving with so much grace and confidence with his prosthetic, And to me, that is probably one of the best and greatest things I could have done, even beyond a mirrable on this show and what dance gave to him. So I wanted to find a way to share that experience with other people, and so was born the Dance Cardio Series. And it's currently got three videos out. We're releasing another one in a week. They're all inspired by a different dance blended with workout moves. It's all directed to a certain part of your body. Everything has a different target, but it's also a lot of fun at the same time, and you're learning how to dance. So you can find it on shop dot Shanna Burgess dot com and that's all. I'll have all the workouts, all the merchandise and all the things. Okay, we'll make sure to tag it then in in the subscription. Where else can can you give your handles to? Yes, you can find me everywhere Shanna Burgess. And on Facebook it is real Shanna Burgess Shana. And then that happened because my mom was really panicking one day because other people had fake accounts in my name. She's like, you need to do something so people know that's not you. So now it's the real Shanna. And then the Dancing with the Stars tour is starting. When the Dancing with the Stars tour is about to happen, I believe I'm actually not going on this time, but he's doing like three or four days, so he's not doing the whole thing. If he was like the whole thing, you better believe I wouldn't have missed it. But I was already booked to go home and spend some time with family, which is much needed for me. But it is starting in a couple of days, going to be going for fourteen weeks across the country. From what I know of the show is amazing already. They have a range of different celebrities coming to join in and I'm definitely going to go see the Radio City one. Awesome. Well, happy holidays. Thank you for sharing everything with us. We love you. Thanks. Hey, babe, how is our investing going? Because I'm kind of leaving you to that world. Yeah, I know you don't like talking about money. Well, because of robin Hood, we're looking good right now. Okay, what's robin Hood. It's an investing app. They'll let you buy and sell stocks, options, cryptos, all commission free. They take nothing, no nothing. They strive to make financial services work for everyone. And the other brokerage is a charge of like ten dollars for every trade. Yeah, but robin Hood doesn't charge commission fees. Oh and it also keeps all of your profits. Um, so this is the perfect time to get into stocks and to get all your money back that you spent on Christmas gifts. So robin Hood is giving listeners a free stock like Apple, Ford or Sprint to help build your portfolio. So sign up at wine down dot robin hood dot com. That's wind down dot robin hood dot com. One of the things that I'm really really really loving because it's making life really easy for me right now is thrive Market. So thrive Market is an online market place on a mission to make healthy living easy and affordable. Again, what I love is it's below traditional retail prices, so that's more than seventy percent off the Thrive Market catalog and it cannot be found on Amazon. Um. Also, we get a lot of great things like Jolie's Andies, mac and cheese. We get a granted catch up. You can get toilet paper, I mean literally anything Myers cleaning products that we love. Love. It's a zero waste um they're actually the first company in the country to go zero waste, So I think that's pretty cool. Keep in mind, thrive Market prices are already up to fifty percent off, and now they're giving you an extra percent off your first order plus free thirty day trial had to Thrive Market dot com slash Janna. That's Thrive Market th h R I V E m A r k e t dot com slash Janna and off your first order and a free thirty day trial. All right. As everyone knows, we love talking relationships on this show. Yes we do, honey. Oh oh, by the way, sorry before we enture this, Um, hey guys, I'm here. By the way, Mr Steve didzi high Steve. We're good at What I was about to say that was this show we're trying to keep really light and like fun because the last couple, you know, I we had a therapist on and I was like crying because I have really bad anxiety and my husband doesn't understand kind is always gonna be sad and depressing. Don't well usually is though with us. So I was just like, this is gonna be such a fun episode and watch like in five minutes, I'm gonna be like, so, we're really excited to talk to you because I love By the way, that not that I've used that for all my weddings, but good show. Um, but no, but you have an amazing app now called Lasting. You're the founder of Lasting. I am. Yeah, And actually a big part of my career was building the NOTAP, so I'm so happy you loved it. Is there anything I can tell the team about what do you want to see? Um? Honestly, no, I love it because it's very easy because I was able to find like the florists on there because it's very clickable, so that's I like that. Very user friendly, so I was able to find, you know, I saw some dresses on there that I liked and it was you. It routed me really, really nice, so I appreciate that. And then having the website and stuff was really easy with the not so all of it was great, that's right. Yeah, Well I was at the not I interviewed one engaged couple every single week for two years because I wanted to deeply get inside their heads wedding planning purposes. And I loved ending the interviews with why are you getting married? And I would always hear these rate and actually, to be really honest with you is in those two plus interviews, I realized that the marital expectations of America are a way off us. And that's not bad, but I realized that there needed to be a marriagey sours to get you on the same page and really do a good job at expectations setting and that's a big part of the genesis of Lasting and how it all, how it all happened. So can you kind of describe Lasting to our listeners because um, you know, we took a look at it and I really think it's so beneficial, especially with the practices that you have on there. So if you could just tell our listeners, that would be awesome. Yeah. Last Thing makes marriage counseling simple. We referred to it as a gym membership for your marriage. And just like a gym, starts with a trainer who assesses where you're strong and where you're weak, Lasting asses where you're strong and weak as a couple, and we build a plan that just write for you and your partner. And whereas a gym, it could be an hour long session. Last Thing, because we know human behavior, every single sets in the whole app is under five minutes long, so you can, especially as a parent chairman too. Your schedule is a very busy day and a sting could be an exercise, it could be a quiz, but of it is designed to open up your emotional connection and help you get on the same page across the wide variety of topics in laws, money, sex, communication, etcetera, etcetera. Every single thing we're trying to do is to amplify the process of marriage counseling. I mean I love that because m my my best to hear Katherine hates marriage counseling, and uh what I kind of happen to say, I don't love it? So what so for her? Like, why would it be you know, what's beneficial for that? Like, because obviously she doesn't love going a couple of therapy, but is this easier for her? Yeah, that's the primary reason why we built it. I'm a huge fan of marriage counseling. Sorry, Catherine, I'm a big fan. I think to do a lot of couples, but there are so many barriers in place. There's a cost barrier, there's a large time scheduling barrier, and then one of the largest factors in the therapy relationship is the actual fit with the therapist. Because it costs so much, it might take two or three or fourth therapists to find the right stitch. You've already thrown up thousand dollars down the drain before you even get started. So the last thing we believe we needed to bring that a truly accessible version of counseling to America. And so it's really d I Y, It's simple, it's with it with one's happened. Within three minutes, you learn something brand new you never knew about yourself and your relationship. And you'll get a peek inside your partner's brain, which is just a really beautiful process to watch that and fold for for tend of thousands couple. So, Steve, where are you guys drawing like your exercises and kind of you know, resources you have on the app for couples? Where are you guys drawing that from? Do you have therapists that you work with? And you have some professionals some psychiatrists like what is it? Yeah? So then was really generous with my time. I give them a lot of credits. They gave me a year to explore and study and in the process I read over Now I've read over four longitudinal marriage studies if you can believe that, um, and we've chosen the most widely replicated studies on marriage studies that show over already forty years of time, what truly caused this marriage to dissolve versus what truly caused this couple to be happy for thirty to forty years. And we've chosen Hudo Studies partnered up with three therapists, one in particular, her name is Liz Caliza. She's a remarkable therapist in St. Louis. But her and I crafted a brand new marriage program for millennials based on the fact that we just touched such a short amount of time, and also the fact that we live with our mobile phones, and so much of our mobile phones and after we use distracts from our life, and we wanted to actually use the mobile phone for good and it's not distracted, but that could actually help you a new partner connect rather than disconnect. So question for you, Steve about that. UM, not trying to call you out, Mike at all about this people about Katherine. Oh, well, you know, I'm just trying to start drama, you know, it's all It's what I do. I'm just you know, I'm just here for that. But okay, not again, not calling you out. But so we did this thing UM called The loved Are and we only got halfway through it. It's this kind of the book and you sit down and you, um, uh, you do a challenge every day? Okay? And so he basically we stopped um and he hasn't. I felt like I was the one that was wanting to do wanting to a pick a back up and then also continue on the challenges. And I I felt not resistance from him, but I felt like he wasn't making it a priority. Why are you looking at me like that? Okay? So is there something on your app where it's almost like a reminder so that the spouse doesn't feel like left, like forgotten about? Yeah? Left. I don't want to be the only one to be like okay, babe, like we've got her. You know, we've got this assignment to do where we got this on there? So is there something where there's like a reminder where it doesn't feel like it's a one sided participation. Yeah. Actually, one of our most popular creatures in the app is called exactly that. It's called reminders, and you can get the program your life in favor of your marriage. I like to say so my phone reminds me every morning at nine am to express appreciation to my wife. It just sends me a little ping, and every afternoon it reminds me to ask how I can help her, because that's a very important question that's very few of us ask um. But literally throughout the day is getting pinged from last thing, and it's really non threatening and it's really easy with a little prompt in your life. We have to I got to study human behavior from a great I got Stanford named Dr b J. S. Bogg, and he likes to say that even highly motivated people who can do something for their partner don't simply because they're just not prompted to um. They're not prompted to you by some sign or signal or their phone. And so we wanted to we wanted to really take advantage that with the mobile phone. Mobile phones are very good at prompting us to do things. And so just all it takes a simple tap and last thing and then on a daily basis, you're reminded to do something nice to your partner. But how sad is that? Though? Too? Though you know that we have to we have to be reminded, We have to be mindful and reminded to remind our partner or ask our partner if they need something or that that we love them like to me that's like that bums me out that we can't that we don't do that. Yeah, I just think it's I think it's the part of just being a human. You know, there's there's so much to do, and doing preventative medicine is very difficult, do you know what I mean. It's really hard to stay healthy while you're healthy, and you oftentimes don't start using something until you're slightly less healthy. And I get that, Like I've we just had a baby five months ago, and I've actually stopped going to the gym. But like when somebody just on the reminds me to like do that pushed up in my house? Push up? Do it now? Yeah exactly No. But I really do love that though, because so many people um that listen to our show are I was like, you know, how can I strengthen communication and you to talk to my partner and you just have a better relationships? So I love, I love, like, I really love this and I just if two people can get on board to do it, then I think, you know, I think it's a fantastic tool for people to have to strengthen their I think men in general, two are more tangible where if we have something you had a book, it's a tangible book that that book didn't jump out of the drawer and say, hey, yeah, but why wouldn't you knew how much like you know, do you need to put a stick around, say hey, dummy, started this back up with your wife. It's it's it's it's tough, it's there's a it's a gray area because at the same time, like when you use the word assignment, Jannah, you said, aren't there are there any assignments you can do? It's like if you came to your husband or came to your significant other and told a guy, hey, let's do this assignment to work on our I never said assignment for the book. No, I'm not saying for the book. I'm saying when you're talking about the app like, is there any assignments? I'm just saying the word assignment, Like if you came to me and said you have such a problem with like assignment or assignment, like I'm not in school, Like get that out of here. So I just feel like that the verbiage, too, is delicate. When he comes to some men, darling, will you do lasting with me? Do you want to last? The test of what is that it's test of time. What's that saying? Yeah, yeah, maybe that still maybe that still helps to you know how, Like we tried to take advantage that main effect when like when you post an Instagram, like you put a little bit of work in and then someone likes your Instagram, you get that nice little mean rush um. So we try to replicate that when you when you play a sept in last thing and then your partner finishes it, you get pushed down a vacation and within one twice you get to peek inside your partner's brain because we overlap your answers on the top of one another, and you could kind of compare your perspectives on something. And again, very non threatening, but like we just want to get people talking. How many people have you got divorced? I'm not sure? And I laughed nervously. I mean I guess, I guess, yeah, I mean, we we're trying to really play the role of relationship mediator. In some cases couples have very serious issues, in other cases they don't. But the kind of beauty of the app is that it just like that trainer, like when you go to the gym, you can be really out of shape, where you can be pretty healthy, and so we we account for all those types of cases. How does this how does this affect to get personal? How does this affect like your marriage? When you know, because I always think about therapists or people who write these expert books and and and and things like that you're doing with this app which seems amazing, like how are how are things behind you know, closed doors? Is it something that you know you practice what you preach or do you find there's there's more obstacles because this is what you're doing with your life. Now, that's a great question that there's always I forget what the term is. It's like the dilemma of the founder. It's like you've found something because you're en shambles, right, and so in our case, honestly, like our marriage has totally changed since we've truly embraced all of these scientific principles. I'll give you one very concrete example because I just think it's the beautiful illustration of what last thing can do. Um So Dr John Gottman, my favorite research hero in Mary in the marriage space, he found that nine person the time you begin a conversation poorly, and that can be because of your words, your tone, or your volume, and the conversation will go very poorly as well. The last example is what's wrong with you? Like when you say that to somebody, are they supposed to reply with, Oh, I don't know, let me think about what's wrong with me? Like now, they're probably gonna like lash back at you because they're in the sense of books. So my wife, whenever would we would get into an argument in years one too of our marriage, to kind of respond to meum with this stafty tongue like Stephen, I can't believe he did that, And then when she would bring it up again the next day, she would to be very sarcastic um. And so I was like, Honey, I'm sitting with you just like just all you have to do for me is also your tone and responding with them with complete sarcasm. She said, Oh, do you mean talk to you like this in a in a very senseful I can do that? And I was like, yes, I was like, I know you're completely being faked right now, but I actually love that because I have some I pissed you, like I don't know what happened to me in my past, but something about the way my parents used tone, or some kids in school used tone with me. It really affects me emotionally. And so when we finally saw that scientific step from Gottman and then actually selected it out in our own relationship. Now she begins her conversations very gently and it's it's really conducive to healthy discussion. I love that. That's kind of how you are, too bad, We're both the same way. Yeah, it's true. Mine for Jana is more about like timing. Her timing on things is just awful sometimes. Well, like last night, I was trying to have a conversation with you. I just realized that he literally can only do one thing at a time because I'm trying to have a conversation with them. I'm emptying the dishwasher, loading the dishwasher, have a baby on me, Like, I'm like doing five million different things, and I'm asking him a question. He's like really, like, there's two seconds left in the game, and I'm like, can you not watch and talk to me? Do you feel like the conversation could have been prompted at a different time? But I was like, hey, babe, like yeah, I was like, well, there's literally four seconds is the game winning play. Do we have to make this like to decision that we need to make in like two months right now? Yeah, we do so. Anyways, so are our listeners can just go on it's just Lasting app correct, Yeah, yeah, you can google Lasting app or you can go in the app store and type and laughing. All right, you are the best. Thank you so much, do you? We really appreciate it, and I'm excited to make our marriage lasting darling. Thanks, You're very welcome. Thankfully, maybe appreciate it. You know what's really cool right now, baby story worth, especially nowadays with phone with you know, technology and all your photos and videos being on your phone, you know what. So we just talked about this. I was like, it's so sad because we have about five frames in our house that have somebody else that's not us because I haven't been able to put we haven't built on me, like I don't print we have like and then a picture and I'm picture of someone off this random guy riding a bike and I was like, I don't even know what this is, but I haven't printed out pictures yet. Well, A great way to overcome that is to have some story books around the house. So story Worth is a year of weekly story prompts for one storyteller. Story Worth will send you weekly questions that you can fill out, upload photos, and capture that moment all over again by creating into the perfect story book. That's right. They make a book for you up to like four or eight pages you can put. Yeah, it's so easy to do. You can upload photos by email, at the web or use their app. Don't miss out on the most sentimental gift for Christmas. Oh you should do this for me. He's fantastic. Can you do like one week you have like I do? I love that's always say. I'm like, babe, just give me something sentimental. I even said I was like, make me like a movie. But this I want a storybook. You know who goes eight bleep for this? Graham parents. Yeah, this is like grandparents live for this and all you need. Sometimes there is one little question to start and endless discussion. So for twenty off your first story worth, visit story worth dot com dot com slash Janna. So for twenty dollars off your first story worth, visit story worth dot com slash Janna. When you subscribe, Hey, okay, this was really fun. I really enjoyed this podcast, Um, but can we just talk about holidays and in laws? Amy just goes this whole two weeks coming up is like not my favorite time, right, I am so like, is it January four? Because we're having a party for you on January four? Oh my god, I'm so excited. Why are we doing that at? So we're doing it at seaside by the pier? Am I saying the name right? Hold on, I'm gonna have to look that up. But it's in Santa Monica and we'll get all the info on your Instagram stories a little closer in l A. And that's here around January four that we're having a party for that Hard Podcast Awards because we are nominated. Yeah, and so voting ends for the podcast Wars on the six, So we'll have a big party on the fourth, and anyone that's in town should come, all our Southern California listener That would be so much anyway, So I'm actually looking forward to that. But just you don't have to deal with in laws, thou. No, I have to deal with everybody else's in laws, but not even my own. So I have two brothers within laws, so I have like I just am told what to do for the holidays, like I get no say whatsoever, like you will go here. So finally I just bug out on Christmas and I'm going to Tahoe with my aunt mouncle. I love that. See that's what I mean. We're having Christmas. We're having Christmas here. In the next Christmas, give me Nashville. And obviously we're not going to get into the conversation where the next Christmas is gonna be, but it'll hopefully be in Nashville. Thanksgiving too, we'll go We'll go somewhere else for Thanksgiving. I do think it starts to be. I know we talked about it on the other episode, but it's like eventually everybody and just come to you, right, what do you talk to me? Well, all my family is in the same place, But what's your issue with your Nobody is saying no, I'm never saying, Rachel, what's your issue? Okay? I have to play Devil's advocate here because I am blessed with the most amazing in laws in the world. Like really, my mother in law came up two days ago and helped me wrap like forty gifts. So I need to not be in this conversation. So, Katherine, you don't have any issues either, none whatsoever? Sure, I mean let me say, let me say one thing though, if I may speak for Bath, so we talk about the whole You don't want to travel and do other stuff? Right if I'm wrong Bath, But you guys, what last year you did, that's her decision. You went down to your family in southern Tennessee and then a day later you went to Maryland to go be with jess family, just to be with all the family. And sometimes that's just what you do, right, And you know what, we'll do it the day after Christmas or that they were not traveling on Christmas, and she sorry, you can't enjoy your Christmas Christmas Christmas. I actually weirdly love traveling on Christmas Day too. Yeah, but you know what, your parents weren't divorced. You were going from here to there. Can you get that personal problem? It is a personal problem. It's trauma our family too. If I'm subjecting the beautiful day of being home and waking up to bacon smells and eggs and we can do that at a grandparents house too, I want to do it at our house. I feel in Christmas Eve and Christmas are the longest days of the year. I remember last Christmas Eve, it wasn't like in the bust mood, and I said to my mom, it's got to be like nine thirty, right, and she's all, it's six fifteen because we usually probably eat it three and just hitch dark in the days like forever and nothing. I'm so bored, Like you're getting no interesting text. You're only getting like Mary Christmas and copy and pastes to every friend Mary Christmas, hope you have a great one, love you and ands emailing. It's like reruns, except for maybe there's a couple of football games. Isn't there a Detroit game? Maybe always on dead Thanksgiving God, So we don't even have that, Like, yeah, who's coming from am? We check our email out like two in the morning, and she's the only one sent in as emails. Thank youness. I had someone who talk to you while I'm feeding Jolie anytime, I'm like, she's confessed her, Oh my god, it's okay. Jackie. The other day, all of a sudden, he goes Jackie. I go, who the hell is Jackie? He goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, Like start talking now I was like Jackie from Jason and the E from Jolie, and it just kind of came out. It's jack Oh my god, that's actually so true. You you're an official dad now because my parents, my dad has called me D and Adam my whole life. I'm like, yeah, I'm Amy, but I'm like, who's Jackie? It was the ultimate, an ultimate dad moment. I was like, I'm literally just became my parent. Was not a dad moment to me, though, It was an instant trigger. Who the hell is Jackie? She went all, then give me your phone. I need to know. Wenna laugh about this now. Katherine's like, I've always been on your side and I was like, yeah, we all was so excited about the holiday. Um, big thank you to Amazon fire TV. Head to www dot Amazon dot com slash wind down to order a fire TV of your very own Lola for forty percent off all subscriptions, visit my Lola dot com and entered Janna robin Hood for a free stock like Apple forder Sprint to help build your portfolio. Sign up at wind down dot robin hood dot com market you, uh you and extra off an extra damn it toryably like anchorman Ron literally read anything you put on the prompter you and extra getting extra your first order plus thirty day trial. Head to thrive market dot com story worth for twenty dollars off your first story worth. Visit story worth dot com slash Jana when you subscribe again. Thank you so much to the Beverly will share four seasons for the amazing gingerbread crack what it's a crackable gingerbread man that we're going to take home to our kids and let them do. God, we need to do this. I'm so I'm so excited to just have a very relaxing holiday this year, next year, in the year after that, and the yearfter that. All right, y'all, happy holiday is Merry Christmas, Felice navidad. Have fun traveling all your families because you love them and want to be Oh my god, it was important have a great holiday. What we're trapped I'm having? Are my mother? Are your your mother? Your mother in law is flying into Christmas? I can't wait. What's the biggest issue with my mom? With your mom? No issue with your mother. She's a saint. Oh, you know, because she listens. That's why you're saying. I don't know do trying to start stuff. I'm trying to cos drama, Ladies and gentlemen, This is my wife, Janna Creamer. If you don't know her, she loves to watch a world burn. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy