Grab a handful of canvas bags and a gold coin because Welcome to Patchwork is teaching you how to go grocery shopping.

What prompts you to go grocery shopping? How do you manage your shopping list? What's your shopping strategy once you step foot inside the supermarket? If you lose the person you're with, how do you find them? Should you ever shop on an empty stomach? This Patch is full of big questions with tiny answers. In fact, the answers are so small you can barely hear them. What you will hear is Christian taking Josh and Dion through his jazz shopping; Josh reflecting on his Dad's 'late night shopping' escapades and Dion's obsession with the price of raspberries.

We also play Scrolling Through Time and Really Good

Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, Tiktok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork

For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

Grab a handful of canvas bags and a gold coin because Welcome to Patchwork is teaching you how to go grocery shopping.
What prompts you to go grocery shopping? How do you manage your shopping list? What's your shopping strategy once you step foot inside the supermarket? If you lose the person you're with, how do you find them? Should you ever shop on an empty stomach? This Patch is full of big questions with tiny answers. In fact, the answers are so small you can barely hear them. What you will hear is Christian taking Josh and Dion through his jazz shopping; Josh reflecting on his Dad's 'late night shopping' escapades and Dion's obsession with the price of raspberries.
We also play Scrolling Through Time and Really Good
Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, Tiktok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: <a href="https://linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork">linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork</a>
For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: <a href="http://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork">www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork</a>

**Nominated for 'Best Comedy' at the Australian Podcast Awards 2018 & 2019**

Have you ever wondered if it’s acceptable to bring food to someone's house and take it back home if no one has eaten it? Well if you have, then you’re in good company. Christian, Dion and Josh are Welcome to Patchwork: An Australian comedy podcast that thinks too hard about the monotony of life. By debating the obvious, challenging social conventions and improvising sketches, we're more concerned with the crumbs than the cookie.

Have you ever wondered if it’s acceptable to bring food to someones house and take it back home if no one has eaten it? Christian, Dion and Josh are Welcome To Patchwork: An Australian comedy podcast that stares far too hard at everyday life.

Welcome To Patchwork

Have you ever wondered if it’s acceptable to bring food to someone's house and take it back home if no one has eaten it? Well if you have, then you’re in good company. Christian, Dion and Josh are Welcome to Patchwork: An Australian comedy podcast that thinks too hard about the monotony of life. By debating the obvious, challenging social conventions and improvising sketches, we're more concerned with the crumbs than the cookie.

Patch #112 - How To Go Grocery Shopping

We return from the wilderness with our first bonus patch of the new millennium. Y2K couldn't kill us, but 160 days of silence nearly did.

We open with the revelation that Dion recently transferred Christian $9 in exchange for a massage - and we unpack the ethics, the economics, and the emoji that accompanied the bank transfer. When a friend voluntarily rubs your shoulders, how do you extend the session without making it weird? Is $9 too much? Too little? And does Christian still owe Dion time on the clock?

This leads us into a broader interrogation of the professional massage experience. Josh can't justify the cost. Dion's had masseuses check their phone mid-session. Christian has pivoted from remedial to relaxation and isn't looking back. We ask: how much should a good massage cost? Is a great hugger automatically a great masseur? And if you give your partner an hour-long massage and they roll over and go straight to their phone — is that okay?

Plus: Christian's inexplicably elite hand-eye coordination, Josh's devastating table tennis performance, and Dion floating the idea of Patreon studio tours without consulting anyone first.

Follow us on Instagram and YouTube to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork or login to Patreon for the YouTube video link to this Bonus Patch.

We return from the wilderness with our first bonus patch of the new millennium. Y2K couldn't kill us, but 160 days of silence nearly did.
We open with the revelation that Dion recently transferred Christian $9 in exchange for a massage - and we unpack the ethics, the economics, and the emoji that accompanied the bank transfer. When a friend voluntarily rubs your shoulders, how do you extend the session without making it weird? Is $9 too much? Too little? And does Christian still owe Dion time on the clock?
This leads us into a broader interrogation of the professional massage experience. Josh can't justify the cost. Dion's had masseuses check their phone mid-session. Christian has pivoted from remedial to relaxation and isn't looking back. We ask: how much should a good massage cost? Is a great hugger automatically a great masseur? And if you give your partner an hour-long massage and they roll over and go straight to their phone &mdash; is that okay?
Plus: Christian's inexplicably elite hand-eye coordination, Josh's devastating table tennis performance, and Dion floating the idea of Patreon studio tours without consulting anyone first.
Follow us on Instagram and&nbsp;YouTube&nbsp;to see clips from the show: <a href="https://linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork">linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork</a> or login to Patreon for the YouTube video link to this Bonus Patch.

How Much Is A Massage From Your Friend Worth?

We're back! After 160 days away, a refreshed studio, and some very big life updates, we ease back into the important stuff - like underwear. Josh is staring down the barrel of doubling his underwear usage, and he doesn't like it. Christian walks us through his two-pair rotation system while Dion tries to map out the maths. How many pairs do you own? When do you retire a pair with a hole in it? And would you ever donate used undies?

Then we revisit the night Christian and Josh went to see The Presets and split up at the toilet block. What followed was a ten-minute standoff where both men were absolutely certain they were standing in the most logical spot. Josh chose the path of travel. Christian chose the thoroughfare. Neither could see the other. We ask: when you lose someone outside a bathroom at an event, where do you stand? How long do you wait before giving up? And does going back to the group without them count as a confrontation?

Finally, Christian reveals he's been reading his text messages aloud while typing them — and wonders whether that's a courtesy or a cry for help. 

Plus: the etiquette of being on your phone in someone's company, Josh's $40 Aldi smartwatch that can't tell the time, and whether 151 is a prime number (it is).

Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork

For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

We're back! After 160 days away, a refreshed studio, and some very big life updates, we ease back into the important stuff - like underwear. Josh is staring down the barrel of doubling his underwear usage, and he doesn't like it. Christian walks us through his two-pair rotation system while Dion tries to map out the maths. How many pairs do you own? When do you retire a pair with a hole in it? And would you ever donate used undies?
Then we revisit the night Christian and Josh went to see The Presets and split up at the toilet block. What followed was a ten-minute standoff where both men were absolutely certain they were standing in the most logical spot. Josh chose the path of travel. Christian chose the thoroughfare. Neither could see the other. We ask: when you lose someone outside a bathroom at an event, where do you stand? How long do you wait before giving up? And does going back to the group without them count as a confrontation?
Finally, Christian reveals he's been reading his text messages aloud while typing them &mdash; and wonders whether that's a courtesy or a cry for help.&nbsp;
Plus: the etiquette of being on your phone in someone's company, Josh's $40 Aldi smartwatch that can't tell the time, and whether 151 is a prime number (it is).
Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork
For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

Patch #151 - Where Do You Wait For Friends Outside The Toilets?

After eight years, 150 episodes and approximately one and a half Bibles worth of words, Christian, Dion and Josh gather to celebrate the tangled quilt they’ve been slowly unravelling since 2017. This very special Patch, recorded live on YouTube on September 10, 2025, is best experienced by watching rather than listening. Here's a link to the YouTube livestream recording.

How have three friends managed to keep a podcast going for nearly a decade without ever truly learning how to knit, sew, or grow as people? Can a single WhatsApp message — “So we record tomorrow night?” — spark eight years of overthinking? And is it possible to look back fondly on a show that has spent more time debating calendars, microwaves and recycling etiquette than producing anything of real value?

Across Patch 150, Christian, Dion and Josh:


Look back on their early days — dodging vacuum cleaners in borrowed boardrooms, dreaming up terrible theme songs, and accidentally almost making a current affairs show.


Revisit iconic segments like Oh Wow, complete with a very special surprise cameo.


Discover that some opinions can change (you probably shouldn’t throw a full jar of kimchi straight into the bin) while others remain uncomfortably fixed (like how to microwave leftovers without scorching your fingertips).


Play a chaotic round of Patchwork Trivia


Reflect on eight years of shared milestones: house moves, breakups, pandemics, and the strange intimacy of a community built entirely on dissecting the minutiae of life.

Listen to Patch 150 and find out whether we crossed the line from nostalgia into self-indulgence.

After eight years, 150 episodes and approximately one and a half Bibles worth of words, Christian, Dion and Josh gather to celebrate the tangled quilt they&rsquo;ve been slowly unravelling since 2017. This very special Patch, recorded live on YouTube on September 10, 2025, is best experienced by watching rather than listening. <a href="https://youtube.com/live/XWUJRqx6Bvc?feature=share">Here's a link to the YouTube livestream recording</a>.
How have three friends managed to keep a podcast going for nearly a decade without ever truly learning how to knit, sew, or grow as people? Can a single WhatsApp message &mdash; &ldquo;So we record tomorrow night?&rdquo; &mdash; spark eight years of overthinking? And is it possible to look back fondly on a show that has spent more time debating calendars, microwaves and recycling etiquette than producing anything of real value?
Across Patch 150, Christian, Dion and Josh:
<ul data-start="902" data-end="1765">
<li data-start="902" data-end="1074">
Look back on their early days &mdash; dodging vacuum cleaners in borrowed boardrooms, dreaming up terrible theme songs, and accidentally almost making a current affairs show.
</li>
<li data-start="1075" data-end="1207">
Revisit iconic segments like Oh Wow, complete with a very special surprise cameo.
</li>
<li data-start="1208" data-end="1436">
Discover that some opinions can change (you probably shouldn&rsquo;t throw a full jar of kimchi straight into the bin) while others remain uncomfortably fixed (like how to microwave leftovers without scorching your fingertips).
</li>
<li data-start="1437" data-end="1591">
Play a chaotic round of Patchwork Trivia
</li>
<li data-start="1592" data-end="1765">
Reflect on eight years of shared milestones: house moves, breakups, pandemics, and the strange intimacy of a community built entirely on dissecting the minutiae of life.
</li>
</ul>
Listen to Patch 150 and find out whether we crossed the line from nostalgia into self-indulgence.

Patch #112 - How To Go Grocery Shopping

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