Conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. It's the Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson.

Conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. It's the Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson.

Doctor Harry Cohen is here and before I give you guys all his credentials, he and I were just having a wonderful chat that I thought I need to bring the listeners in on this because I was just having this conversation with a friend recently and it was interesting because we started talking about all of the constructs that we found ourselves in and just how limited our thought process was about I can do this, but I don't can't do that. I'm stuck here. I'm stuck in this city because of X, Y and Z. And my friend literally said to me, but why why do we live that way? And you were just telling me something very similar, So can you kind of repeat what you just told me in an overall sense for the listeners because you're down in South Beach, live in a lovely life right now. You're typically from Michigan, so we know it's called and you were just telling me and describing how great it is, So let's talk about that.

Doctor Harry Cohen is here and before I give you guys all his credentials, he and I were just having a wonderful chat that I thought I need to bring the listeners in on this because I was just having this conversation with a friend recently and it was interesting because we started talking about all of the constructs that we found ourselves in and just how limited our thought process was about I can do this, but I don't can't do that. I'm stuck here. I'm stuck in this city because of X, Y and Z. And my friend literally said to me, but why why do we live that way? And you were just telling me something very similar, So can you kind of repeat what you just told me in an overall sense for the listeners because you're down in South Beach, live in a lovely life right now. You're typically from Michigan, so we know it's called and you were just telling me and describing how great it is, So let's talk about that.

Yes, So how great it is wherever you are and what I was saying to you, and you said, Wow, you seem to have life figured out. I said, yes, I do. It took me this long. I'm seventy I and I I'm actually not seventy until March eighteenth, but I'm spending but I'm spending the month here, you know, with friends and family coming to visit, because I know how nutritious and delicious environment is. And I was saying to you, curate your life, create your life to fill it with nutritious and delicious nutrients like sunlight, like friendship, like purpose, like exercise, like eating good food, like environments that are healthy and good for you, like warm, beautiful settings. And if you think you can't do it, it's your mindset. Well there's nothing on this menu to eat. Yes there is. You just have to look harder to find the really healthy, really good for you stuff when it's not as a parent, and so structure your life and mostly structure your minds, like wait, what is getting in the way of living a perfectly wonderful life. Whatever that is, well, then figure it out. I was down on the beach just now with a woman who she's in her forties. She's got a nine year old and a five year old, and her boyfriend was somewhere else. So she was doing kid duty the whole time, and she said, you know, sometimes I feel like I should have my head examined, you know, being a single parent for these two kids Jesus so difficult. And other times I just count my blessings and I feel so lucky. I said to her. For the times that you feel crappy, remember why you have those blessing counting days, because that's that's what it's about, those two beautiful kids. They're healthy and good, and she's doing a great job being a mom to them. You know, NonStop sells and you know stuff. But this work, this effort of ours to live great lives, takes a little bit of work, not a lot, a bit of work, a little bit of work. If you're not having a great day, well why not. You're in charge of your day?

Yes, So how great it is wherever you are and what I was saying to you, and you said, Wow, you seem to have life figured out. I said, yes, I do. It took me this long. I'm seventy I and I I'm actually not seventy until March eighteenth, but I'm spending but I'm spending the month here, you know, with friends and family coming to visit, because I know how nutritious and delicious environment is. And I was saying to you, curate your life, create your life to fill it with nutritious and delicious nutrients like sunlight, like friendship, like purpose, like exercise, like eating good food, like environments that are healthy and good for you, like warm, beautiful settings. And if you think you can't do it, it's your mindset. Well there's nothing on this menu to eat. Yes there is. You just have to look harder to find the really healthy, really good for you stuff when it's not as a parent, and so structure your life and mostly structure your minds, like wait, what is getting in the way of living a perfectly wonderful life. Whatever that is, well, then figure it out. I was down on the beach just now with a woman who she's in her forties. She's got a nine year old and a five year old, and her boyfriend was somewhere else. So she was doing kid duty the whole time, and she said, you know, sometimes I feel like I should have my head examined, you know, being a single parent for these two kids Jesus so difficult. And other times I just count my blessings and I feel so lucky. I said to her. For the times that you feel crappy, remember why you have those blessing counting days, because that's that's what it's about, those two beautiful kids. They're healthy and good, and she's doing a great job being a mom to them. You know, NonStop sells and you know stuff. But this work, this effort of ours to live great lives, takes a little bit of work, not a lot, a bit of work, a little bit of work. If you're not having a great day, well why not. You're in charge of your day?

Yeah, right right? Why do our minds immediately go to the limiting belief? I know your background is in psychology, So is there something to that that we just pick up on? The limiting belief?

Yeah, right right? Why do our minds immediately go to the limiting belief? I know your background is in psychology, So is there something to that that we just pick up on? The limiting belief?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, it's our minds are wired to see the glass half empty, okay, and it's designed from an evolutionary point of view to keep you safe when you hear When you hear something in the forest, it immediately construe it is something negative to protect you a saber tooth tiger. It's nothing. But that's just how our minds are wired. Therefore, if you know that, you know you have to do a little extra work to see glass half full. Oh right, I was noticing my obstacles, not my goal. Good, that's okay. Now move towards your goal. In other words, if you have a goal with obstacles in the way of it, you have to folks, you know, like, oh damn it, the obstacles. That's okay, So go around them, go through them, go over them, go under them, go on a different road. But that's how our minds are wired. Don't don't beat yourself up, don't think twice. Just know like, oh right, I gotta work a little extra harden to see the beauty in this magnificent life of ours.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, it's our minds are wired to see the glass half empty, okay, and it's designed from an evolutionary point of view to keep you safe when you hear When you hear something in the forest, it immediately construe it is something negative to protect you a saber tooth tiger. It's nothing. But that's just how our minds are wired. Therefore, if you know that, you know you have to do a little extra work to see glass half full. Oh right, I was noticing my obstacles, not my goal. Good, that's okay. Now move towards your goal. In other words, if you have a goal with obstacles in the way of it, you have to folks, you know, like, oh damn it, the obstacles. That's okay, So go around them, go through them, go over them, go under them, go on a different road. But that's how our minds are wired. Don't don't beat yourself up, don't think twice. Just know like, oh right, I gotta work a little extra harden to see the beauty in this magnificent life of ours.

It's almost like anything else, it seems, where once you have the awareness and you can recognize it, you just try to switch the narrative in your brain. Yeah, that actually sounds as simple it is.

It's almost like anything else, it seems, where once you have the awareness and you can recognize it, you just try to switch the narrative in your brain. Yeah, that actually sounds as simple it is.

Well, by the way you can switch the narrative, there's a lot of different things that you can do, and you should do them all, but do whatever works for you. Switch the narrative in your brain. Good, talk to a different person who can help you good. Get into a different environment physically. Nature is almost always resetting and healing for most people. Go take a walk, you know, readjust your perspective. Pick up Via the Sun and open up to any page. They're all interchangeably good. Pick up any book that you love and that you've underlined and highlighted, and read something that uplifts you. Listen to music that gets you out of your frame of mind, your negative frame of mind. Do whatever you gotta do to get you in the right frame of mind. And then take an action. You know, this is really important to do something, not just think differently. Act, Go say a kind word to somebody, somebody a sweet text. Now I just rattled off ten different things.

Well, by the way you can switch the narrative, there's a lot of different things that you can do, and you should do them all, but do whatever works for you. Switch the narrative in your brain. Good, talk to a different person who can help you good. Get into a different environment physically. Nature is almost always resetting and healing for most people. Go take a walk, you know, readjust your perspective. Pick up Via the Sun and open up to any page. They're all interchangeably good. Pick up any book that you love and that you've underlined and highlighted, and read something that uplifts you. Listen to music that gets you out of your frame of mind, your negative frame of mind. Do whatever you gotta do to get you in the right frame of mind. And then take an action. You know, this is really important to do something, not just think differently. Act, Go say a kind word to somebody, somebody a sweet text. Now I just rattled off ten different things.

Well I'm sure one of them spoke to each listener in a different way. So, like you're saying, pick what works for you and find find your own methods. As I mentioned, you do have a background in psychology and executive coaching, and you just mentioned your book Be the Sun Not the Salt, which is rooted in the Is it heliotropic, yes, oh, I say.

Well I'm sure one of them spoke to each listener in a different way. So, like you're saying, pick what works for you and find find your own methods. As I mentioned, you do have a background in psychology and executive coaching, and you just mentioned your book Be the Sun Not the Salt, which is rooted in the Is it heliotropic, yes, oh, I say.

That baleotropic effect, the heliotropic effect, the ileeotropic effects. Okay, it is what happens to all living creatures when we're drawn to positive energy, which is why a plant tilts towards the sun. And the metaphor is be the sun like the leaves on the plant, and not salt on its roots, not salt of the earth. That's another way of talking about good human beings. But the metaphors. Don't salt someone's roots. Don't be a negative energy, critical, cynical, nasty, unconscious, disrespectful, and on and on. Rather do the kind, nice, compassionate, grateful, sweet thing for yourself and someone else. That's the filter through which I look at the world. I wrote this book so that it would be a timeless, timeless tool, and thank god, it's turned out to be that way. So I wrote it years ago and it's still in the sales continue to increase as people discover it, which is great. It hasn't changed. It's not like, oh, you need a new message, No I don't. I just need to practice this one more better, right, every you know, just this past year, not this, not this not twenty five, twenty four. I started every single day day of the month. What day is it, Oh, it's the twelfth today? What chapter? Oh, chapter twelve? What's that chapter? I wrote the book? I couldn't tell you. The only reason I know today is because I read it and I do this morning practice. Takes me a minute to read the chapter, and I think about how am I going to apply that for myself today? To sit. Today's chapter is hold the salt. That means don't say the narky thing that you think. And so I think about, well, how can I apply that today? Well, today I wrote this morning to one hundred people while I'm on this podcast the velvet edge, and I guess we're going to be talking about the edge part of the velvet edge, because that smells like salty behavior to me. I don't know what your podcast is about, but when you said that everyone has a velvet side and an edge side.

That baleotropic effect, the heliotropic effect, the ileeotropic effects. Okay, it is what happens to all living creatures when we're drawn to positive energy, which is why a plant tilts towards the sun. And the metaphor is be the sun like the leaves on the plant, and not salt on its roots, not salt of the earth. That's another way of talking about good human beings. But the metaphors. Don't salt someone's roots. Don't be a negative energy, critical, cynical, nasty, unconscious, disrespectful, and on and on. Rather do the kind, nice, compassionate, grateful, sweet thing for yourself and someone else. That's the filter through which I look at the world. I wrote this book so that it would be a timeless, timeless tool, and thank god, it's turned out to be that way. So I wrote it years ago and it's still in the sales continue to increase as people discover it, which is great. It hasn't changed. It's not like, oh, you need a new message, No I don't. I just need to practice this one more better, right, every you know, just this past year, not this, not this not twenty five, twenty four. I started every single day day of the month. What day is it, Oh, it's the twelfth today? What chapter? Oh, chapter twelve? What's that chapter? I wrote the book? I couldn't tell you. The only reason I know today is because I read it and I do this morning practice. Takes me a minute to read the chapter, and I think about how am I going to apply that for myself today? To sit. Today's chapter is hold the salt. That means don't say the narky thing that you think. And so I think about, well, how can I apply that today? Well, today I wrote this morning to one hundred people while I'm on this podcast the velvet edge, and I guess we're going to be talking about the edge part of the velvet edge, because that smells like salty behavior to me. I don't know what your podcast is about, but when you said that everyone has a velvet side and an edge side.

Yeah, well I'm here to tell you that edge can cut, yes, and we humans need to be extremely mindful to not inadvertently, unintentionally and unconsciously cut someone else with that edge.

Yeah, well I'm here to tell you that edge can cut, yes, and we humans need to be extremely mindful to not inadvertently, unintentionally and unconsciously cut someone else with that edge.

Jut, so we have to practice this. It's not like I yet practice but I think snarky, sarcastic, nasty things I just don't need to say right.

Jut, so we have to practice this. It's not like I yet practice but I think snarky, sarcastic, nasty things I just don't need to say right.

The interesting thing I was going to say about this book that I love is, first of all, I love a tangible tool. That's my favorite thing to give listeners. Yes, and so when I'm doing this podcast and any guest that I have has a tangible tool that it's my favorite thing, which this book is. I mean, I got the book last night. I think your publisher shifted to me, and I read it in an hour today. It's an easy read. It's not anything that's going to take you months and months and months. But I thought to myself, I know all these principles, yep. But I love the idea of reading one with the chapter of the month or whatever it is, because the putting them into practice is what I need. The reminders on.

The interesting thing I was going to say about this book that I love is, first of all, I love a tangible tool. That's my favorite thing to give listeners. Yes, and so when I'm doing this podcast and any guest that I have has a tangible tool that it's my favorite thing, which this book is. I mean, I got the book last night. I think your publisher shifted to me, and I read it in an hour today. It's an easy read. It's not anything that's going to take you months and months and months. But I thought to myself, I know all these principles, yep. But I love the idea of reading one with the chapter of the month or whatever it is, because the putting them into practice is what I need. The reminders on.

Kelly me too, and I wrote the book.

Kelly me too, and I wrote the book.

Yeah it's Kelly.

Yeah it's Kelly.

It's no different. My hope and wish is that every one of your listeners goes and gets it and then gives it to somebody else, gives it to somebody else. Yeah, get another one. I've been and I'd love for you to share with your listeners, or you can text me or call me, and he's like, ooh, I got a great story to tell you. What great? Because let's spread this to the world. It has helped me, it has helped one thousand, thousands of people. That's helped some more because it's easy, it's accessible. You don't have to do anything other than oh right, ah right, I could do that. And I am discovering new stuff. And I wrote the book and still am discovering new stuff that I can apply every single frickin' day. And I love that, Kelly. It doesn't get old. And I can't tell you what tomorrow's chapter is. I just know that it's thirteen, and I'll look at it and go, oh nice, yeah, and then let's see if I can practice it, because no, I mean there's chapter and they're knowing, isn't doing Just because we know this stuff doesn't mean we do it. I'm married forty five years in August this year, and I just figured out this sentence to say. Now, I haven't been saying it because I'm not home and my wife's back in Michigan, but I say, every morning, is there anything you need for me to do for you today?

It's no different. My hope and wish is that every one of your listeners goes and gets it and then gives it to somebody else, gives it to somebody else. Yeah, get another one. I've been and I'd love for you to share with your listeners, or you can text me or call me, and he's like, ooh, I got a great story to tell you. What great? Because let's spread this to the world. It has helped me, it has helped one thousand, thousands of people. That's helped some more because it's easy, it's accessible. You don't have to do anything other than oh right, ah right, I could do that. And I am discovering new stuff. And I wrote the book and still am discovering new stuff that I can apply every single frickin' day. And I love that, Kelly. It doesn't get old. And I can't tell you what tomorrow's chapter is. I just know that it's thirteen, and I'll look at it and go, oh nice, yeah, and then let's see if I can practice it, because no, I mean there's chapter and they're knowing, isn't doing Just because we know this stuff doesn't mean we do it. I'm married forty five years in August this year, and I just figured out this sentence to say. Now, I haven't been saying it because I'm not home and my wife's back in Michigan, but I say, every morning, is there anything you need for me to do for you today?

What a simple sentence that could make such a big change for.

What a simple sentence that could make such a big change for.

Everybody for me. I mean, you know, she'll think about it and say, well, actually, if you could, okay, I had no problem, or no, I don't think so, but if I do, you know, great okay, or yeah, you know what if you could clean up that pilot debris that's been sitting Yeah, okay, it's just great. And I say that to say, how come I didn't know that before? Well, whatever, I didn't, I'm open to learning more. I can't wait to learn more new stuff like these are tools that I use that we can help the world use that makes everyone's life just this much better. And I can't wait for people before I die if I can see it, like, holy crap, Kelly, we did it. You helped me do it. This is part of the zeitgeist of the culture where people say I'm sorry I was a bit salty, and then they do the next right thing, right, Okay, you know there was no excuse for me doing that, and I apologize for doing it. Awesome, How great would that be?

Everybody for me. I mean, you know, she'll think about it and say, well, actually, if you could, okay, I had no problem, or no, I don't think so, but if I do, you know, great okay, or yeah, you know what if you could clean up that pilot debris that's been sitting Yeah, okay, it's just great. And I say that to say, how come I didn't know that before? Well, whatever, I didn't, I'm open to learning more. I can't wait to learn more new stuff like these are tools that I use that we can help the world use that makes everyone's life just this much better. And I can't wait for people before I die if I can see it, like, holy crap, Kelly, we did it. You helped me do it. This is part of the zeitgeist of the culture where people say I'm sorry I was a bit salty, and then they do the next right thing, right, Okay, you know there was no excuse for me doing that, and I apologize for doing it. Awesome, How great would that be?

I totally agree, Kelly.

I totally agree, Kelly.

Let me just stop and appreciate you and say thank you for reading the book. And I do these podcasts because my publicists like you say, books me on them. And I got to say, sometimes people don't take the time to read the book, which takes less than an hour, or even open it up and look at it. And I so you for doing that. Thank you.

Let me just stop and appreciate you and say thank you for reading the book. And I do these podcasts because my publicists like you say, books me on them. And I got to say, sometimes people don't take the time to read the book, which takes less than an hour, or even open it up and look at it. And I so you for doing that. Thank you.

Of course it actually helped me so much today. And I wanted to comment on a couple things that you just said because and I think we're doing it right now as well with what you just said. But all of the little statements that you mentioned as examples that you could say to your wife, and you know they sound so simple, right, but often we just don't do them. And how connecting are those statements even just the question asking the question? Like you said, there may not be anything she needs, but immediately that's a connecting sequence between you guys. And I'm wondering because I know we've talked a little bit about I mean, the book is called Be the Sun Not the Salt. You and I mentioned you're down in South Beach, you're enjoying the sun, and you encouraged me to do all the things that nourish me. And all of that is about, you know, positive uplifting behavior that we can incorporate into our lives. Becoming these positive effective people. What I've learned about our society, though, is people seem to operate best with a solution that they think they need to a problem that they have. So my question for you is, why do we need to care about being a positive impact kind of person? Why does our society need that? What are the benefits that you think things like you wrote about in your book could bring to our world right now?

Of course it actually helped me so much today. And I wanted to comment on a couple things that you just said because and I think we're doing it right now as well with what you just said. But all of the little statements that you mentioned as examples that you could say to your wife, and you know they sound so simple, right, but often we just don't do them. And how connecting are those statements even just the question asking the question? Like you said, there may not be anything she needs, but immediately that's a connecting sequence between you guys. And I'm wondering because I know we've talked a little bit about I mean, the book is called Be the Sun Not the Salt. You and I mentioned you're down in South Beach, you're enjoying the sun, and you encouraged me to do all the things that nourish me. And all of that is about, you know, positive uplifting behavior that we can incorporate into our lives. Becoming these positive effective people. What I've learned about our society, though, is people seem to operate best with a solution that they think they need to a problem that they have. So my question for you is, why do we need to care about being a positive impact kind of person? Why does our society need that? What are the benefits that you think things like you wrote about in your book could bring to our world right now?

So, when human beings are their best selves, when we are virtuous, kind, compassionate, good listeners, dependable, truthful, and on and on. When we are like that, when we are our best selves by being genuinely virtuous, authentic, and vulnerable and all the rest. I say all the rest presuming that people know what I mean, but we'll go into them. If you want everybody benefits. First of all, you benefit. You can show it in your blood pressure and in your blood Other people just being around you, being in your presence, feel the positive energy of your good living. Why do I like that guy? Well, the answer is because he listened to you, He cared about you, he went out of his way for you. He showed you that he was willing to do the extra work for the desired result, all of those are kind of like yeah, motherhood and apple pie. It's how all mothers and fathers want to raise their children to be good human beings. So an answer, well, what's the payoff? What's in it for us? We feel better and people around us feel better? Period. Now I can go on and say you're more effective also as a leader, as a parent, as a friend. Mainly people like to be around you and feel better in your presence. Now, what the hell is there is the downside of that? Right? There isn't any you know, and so that's like, well, why should people care? Well, they'll be happier, more fulfilled, and people around them will want to be around them more. How's that like? If that isn't enough you know some people, how's that going to make me more money? Well, if you're in sales, people are going to want to buy from you. Well what if you're not in sales? Okay? I mean, you know, if people want to know, what's the with them? What's in it for me to practice being more heliotropic? We can walk you through it, but it should be pretty obvious in that when you are your best self, you dig it and everybody around you anybody around you digs it. So our job is to be our best self, not somebody else more often, more frequently.

So, when human beings are their best selves, when we are virtuous, kind, compassionate, good listeners, dependable, truthful, and on and on. When we are like that, when we are our best selves by being genuinely virtuous, authentic, and vulnerable and all the rest. I say all the rest presuming that people know what I mean, but we'll go into them. If you want everybody benefits. First of all, you benefit. You can show it in your blood pressure and in your blood Other people just being around you, being in your presence, feel the positive energy of your good living. Why do I like that guy? Well, the answer is because he listened to you, He cared about you, he went out of his way for you. He showed you that he was willing to do the extra work for the desired result, all of those are kind of like yeah, motherhood and apple pie. It's how all mothers and fathers want to raise their children to be good human beings. So an answer, well, what's the payoff? What's in it for us? We feel better and people around us feel better? Period. Now I can go on and say you're more effective also as a leader, as a parent, as a friend. Mainly people like to be around you and feel better in your presence. Now, what the hell is there is the downside of that? Right? There isn't any you know, and so that's like, well, why should people care? Well, they'll be happier, more fulfilled, and people around them will want to be around them more. How's that like? If that isn't enough you know some people, how's that going to make me more money? Well, if you're in sales, people are going to want to buy from you. Well what if you're not in sales? Okay? I mean, you know, if people want to know, what's the with them? What's in it for me to practice being more heliotropic? We can walk you through it, but it should be pretty obvious in that when you are your best self, you dig it and everybody around you anybody around you digs it. So our job is to be our best self, not somebody else more often, more frequently.

Yeah, it's so easy and so obvious and so good.

Yeah, it's so easy and so obvious and so good.

I don't want it to be more complicated. Like, well, certain people aren't interested, Okay, I'm not just talking to them, so be it. Whatever they got, I mean, their heads up, their ass. I don't know, I can't imagine. I think it's because people are, you know, in the Moslows hierarchy of needs. They're just trying to survive and get by. They're just trying to put food on the table. They're just trying to get through the day. They can't think of anything else other than getting through the day. And for those people, it's still good.

I don't want it to be more complicated. Like, well, certain people aren't interested, Okay, I'm not just talking to them, so be it. Whatever they got, I mean, their heads up, their ass. I don't know, I can't imagine. I think it's because people are, you know, in the Moslows hierarchy of needs. They're just trying to survive and get by. They're just trying to put food on the table. They're just trying to get through the day. They can't think of anything else other than getting through the day. And for those people, it's still good.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

It's still good if they can refrain from snapping, if when they get triggered they don't say the snarky, nasty thing.

It's still good if they can refrain from snapping, if when they get triggered they don't say the snarky, nasty thing.

And yeah, that only patuates the problem, right.

And yeah, that only patuates the problem, right.

It only makes things worse. Like, so, what's the downside of salty behavior? There's a million downsides, and they're all bad, you know, like, well how bad, okay, from minor bad to really major bad. You know, calling someone a nasty name is bad. What do you mean by that? Okay, I'm not going to explain it to you, but you know, like you really need me to explain to you why it's bad to call somebody a nasty name. I can do that, but work with me here. Yeah, it's not good. You want to be effective in life, you can't be doing that. Yeah, And so we can be better human beings, period, full stop. You just pick where you want to be better and be better, period. And what I know, I'm a good human being. Let's say ninety out of one hundred times I do the right thing. Great, my job is to go for ninety one out of one hundred. And you say, well, what for nineties? Pretty damn good? You're right me personally, I like the joy of working it getting better. So ninety one is a goal for someone else. Ninety is plenty good. They're fine being a dick ten times out of one hundred, and I'm not going to convince the otherwise.

It only makes things worse. Like, so, what's the downside of salty behavior? There's a million downsides, and they're all bad, you know, like, well how bad, okay, from minor bad to really major bad. You know, calling someone a nasty name is bad. What do you mean by that? Okay, I'm not going to explain it to you, but you know, like you really need me to explain to you why it's bad to call somebody a nasty name. I can do that, but work with me here. Yeah, it's not good. You want to be effective in life, you can't be doing that. Yeah, And so we can be better human beings, period, full stop. You just pick where you want to be better and be better, period. And what I know, I'm a good human being. Let's say ninety out of one hundred times I do the right thing. Great, my job is to go for ninety one out of one hundred. And you say, well, what for nineties? Pretty damn good? You're right me personally, I like the joy of working it getting better. So ninety one is a goal for someone else. Ninety is plenty good. They're fine being a dick ten times out of one hundred, and I'm not going to convince the otherwise.

Yeah, you know. Well, And like you say in the book, I mean you've kind of mentioned this chapter as well, but there's a whole chapter on apology that I thought was so good because you talk about the different ways that we just don't really seem to know how to apologize. So for the ninety percent that you're good, that's great, But then there is always going to be the ten percent or whatever the percentage would be, because we are human, right, Yes, these things will happen, and there's still a positive thing you can take from that and go into repair if you know how to apologize.

Yeah, you know. Well, And like you say in the book, I mean you've kind of mentioned this chapter as well, but there's a whole chapter on apology that I thought was so good because you talk about the different ways that we just don't really seem to know how to apologize. So for the ninety percent that you're good, that's great, But then there is always going to be the ten percent or whatever the percentage would be, because we are human, right, Yes, these things will happen, and there's still a positive thing you can take from that and go into repair if you know how to apologize.

Exactly, and the repair can be better than the boogoo even afterwards, which is for those people who aren't going to get the book, you can get it an audible for four bucks. But the apology is less words. Mean what you say and express genuine regret and take responsibility. I'm done, I'm sorry for being late to the meeting. There's no excuse. It won't happen again.

Exactly, and the repair can be better than the boogoo even afterwards, which is for those people who aren't going to get the book, you can get it an audible for four bucks. But the apology is less words. Mean what you say and express genuine regret and take responsibility. I'm done, I'm sorry for being late to the meeting. There's no excuse. It won't happen again.

I couldn't even really have anything to say back to that.

I couldn't even really have anything to say back to that.

Other than good, I accept your apology. Right. I had a zoom earlier today and the guy was five minutes late, and I wanted to make a point of saying, hey, what happened, because it's not cool to be late to a meeting for the first time with someone you don't know. And we talked about it. It's some technical difficulties, I said, dude, I completely understand. Thank you. Apology accepted. You apologize, I said, apology accepted, I will. It is less than a molecule or an atom. In my mind, it doesn't even exist. But if it did, if you told me, oh, yeah, I was rushing. I forgot I had this meeting, I would have said to you, dude, don't do that again, because people aren't going to experience it as okay. My tip to you is, don't forget the meeting now. I also have a pet peeve of being on time, and when people are late, it bothers me, and I know that I have to let that go because I just cop an irritated attitude in a self justified, righteous bullshit way. So I know that it's okay for people to be late and me to get over it. Both can be simultaneously true. It's not okay to be late. People should apologize if they are, and if they are late, it's no big deal, Harry, get over it.

Other than good, I accept your apology. Right. I had a zoom earlier today and the guy was five minutes late, and I wanted to make a point of saying, hey, what happened, because it's not cool to be late to a meeting for the first time with someone you don't know. And we talked about it. It's some technical difficulties, I said, dude, I completely understand. Thank you. Apology accepted. You apologize, I said, apology accepted, I will. It is less than a molecule or an atom. In my mind, it doesn't even exist. But if it did, if you told me, oh, yeah, I was rushing. I forgot I had this meeting, I would have said to you, dude, don't do that again, because people aren't going to experience it as okay. My tip to you is, don't forget the meeting now. I also have a pet peeve of being on time, and when people are late, it bothers me, and I know that I have to let that go because I just cop an irritated attitude in a self justified, righteous bullshit way. So I know that it's okay for people to be late and me to get over it. Both can be simultaneously true. It's not okay to be late. People should apologize if they are, and if they are late, it's no big deal, Harry, get over it.

Yeah. Well, I love that you mentioned why people can benefit even in the workplace, and I think that's obviously a lot of your background as well as an executive coach. You would go to these big corporations help them learn how to communicate with each other and really kind of incorporate a lot of the principles in the book into just their daily lives. Once people would start incorporating these kind of principles and the jobs that you were doing with them, would you notice why people would start to gravitate towards other people? And what's the energy behind that? What's the purpose? Why does that happen?

Yeah. Well, I love that you mentioned why people can benefit even in the workplace, and I think that's obviously a lot of your background as well as an executive coach. You would go to these big corporations help them learn how to communicate with each other and really kind of incorporate a lot of the principles in the book into just their daily lives. Once people would start incorporating these kind of principles and the jobs that you were doing with them, would you notice why people would start to gravitate towards other people? And what's the energy behind that? What's the purpose? Why does that happen?

So people love being around positive energizers. That's the research that I discovered, fell upon and said, oh my god, So all the stuff that I teach and preach and believe in and have read about for them. You mean this is scientifically proven. Yes, it is. So people perform better like to be around positive energizers in corporate America. Holy alito.

So people love being around positive energizers. That's the research that I discovered, fell upon and said, oh my god, So all the stuff that I teach and preach and believe in and have read about for them. You mean this is scientifically proven. Yes, it is. So people perform better like to be around positive energizers in corporate America. Holy alito.

Okay, so you can cuss on here. It's fine, My listeners are used to it.

Okay, so you can cuss on here. It's fine, My listeners are used to it.

O good. Holy shit. Then right, that means if people perform better around positive leaders and positive energizers, let's help more leaders be in positions of power and express all these positive qualities and lo and behold, people do love to work with and for and around them. The challenge is that, because like you said, we are human, the greatest leaders in the world are human too, and they too can lose their cool, lose their temper, lose their shit, and it's way worse than the average bear because they're in the position, Oh my god, the chief cheese, you know, was really disappointed with me. And you know, those those salty expressions are more cutting and they last longer and therefore more damaging and dangerous. So it's even more important for leaders to be very mindful that they don't salt other people's roots when they get triggered, when they get frustrated, when they get disappointed, or whatever reasons they didn't have a good night's sleep or whatever happened in the morning, all those reasons are not okay for them to not have a good day. Leaders need to always have a good day. They can't be quote having a bad day. What's up with that. You're responsible for all these people's lives. You having a bad day is going to make them have a bad day. So, in the answer to your question, everybody wins when people deliberately try their best to be their best selves or what we would call be the sun and not the salt. And there will always be times for them to lose it and then they can do the next right thing, say they're human sa, I'm sorry.

O good. Holy shit. Then right, that means if people perform better around positive leaders and positive energizers, let's help more leaders be in positions of power and express all these positive qualities and lo and behold, people do love to work with and for and around them. The challenge is that, because like you said, we are human, the greatest leaders in the world are human too, and they too can lose their cool, lose their temper, lose their shit, and it's way worse than the average bear because they're in the position, Oh my god, the chief cheese, you know, was really disappointed with me. And you know, those those salty expressions are more cutting and they last longer and therefore more damaging and dangerous. So it's even more important for leaders to be very mindful that they don't salt other people's roots when they get triggered, when they get frustrated, when they get disappointed, or whatever reasons they didn't have a good night's sleep or whatever happened in the morning, all those reasons are not okay for them to not have a good day. Leaders need to always have a good day. They can't be quote having a bad day. What's up with that. You're responsible for all these people's lives. You having a bad day is going to make them have a bad day. So, in the answer to your question, everybody wins when people deliberately try their best to be their best selves or what we would call be the sun and not the salt. And there will always be times for them to lose it and then they can do the next right thing, say they're human sa, I'm sorry.

There is so much more pressure on leaders. I've not thought about it through that lens, but to not be able to have a bad day feels almost inhumane, you know, like it's just you're bad.

There is so much more pressure on leaders. I've not thought about it through that lens, but to not be able to have a bad day feels almost inhumane, you know, like it's just you're bad.

That's get paid for.

That's get paid for.

But that is what they get paid for. And I love that you're bringing up the danger in not doing that as a leader, because the power structure being off goes back to us talking about like people's threat to security. Right, So if the leader is coming down on you, it threatens your security in a way that would be startling. So then their behavior threatens your security, probably makes you go off in all of these different tangents of negativity and salt, which then spreads that out more because you're threatened, right, and we as humans, when we're threatened, seem to act out.

But that is what they get paid for. And I love that you're bringing up the danger in not doing that as a leader, because the power structure being off goes back to us talking about like people's threat to security. Right, So if the leader is coming down on you, it threatens your security in a way that would be startling. So then their behavior threatens your security, probably makes you go off in all of these different tangents of negativity and salt, which then spreads that out more because you're threatened, right, and we as humans, when we're threatened, seem to act out.

That's exactly right. And these are things that are unconscious human nature habits. Right, That no big deal, Ferris Wheel. You just go oh, yeah, yeah, I got yeah, I have a tendency to do that. I gotta knock that off. Good, that's it. Don't overthink this. Just make it really simple for your listeners. Don't overthink it. Smile at a stranger deliberately and watch what happens.

That's exactly right. And these are things that are unconscious human nature habits. Right, That no big deal, Ferris Wheel. You just go oh, yeah, yeah, I got yeah, I have a tendency to do that. I gotta knock that off. Good, that's it. Don't overthink this. Just make it really simple for your listeners. Don't overthink it. Smile at a stranger deliberately and watch what happens.

Oh that's so true. I totally believe yea.

Oh that's so true. I totally believe yea.

Literally, the easiest thing to do is is smile and know that you're going to uplift them with your with your smile, or hold the door for someone deliberately that's a little bit further down the street and they go, oh my god, you're so kind that thank you so much. You don't need to do that, I know it's okay. Just do it deliberately, knowing that you're literally pouring some on their leaves, and watch what happens. Your life will be better and then you can look for more cool things. The guy behind you in the Starbucks line, buy him coffee. Let the guy merge wave. You know you're listening to somebody bitch about somebody else, and you instead of saying, yeah, you know what else I can't stand? Don't say anything or walk away or say you know what, I it's true about him, but you know what I do love about him. Blah blah blah. Just be changing air to be the force of goodness and love and light. Be that. Remember remember that you have the power. We have the power to make people. This is the Maya Angel quote. We have the power to make people feel all kinds of things. So knowing that we have that power.

Literally, the easiest thing to do is is smile and know that you're going to uplift them with your with your smile, or hold the door for someone deliberately that's a little bit further down the street and they go, oh my god, you're so kind that thank you so much. You don't need to do that, I know it's okay. Just do it deliberately, knowing that you're literally pouring some on their leaves, and watch what happens. Your life will be better and then you can look for more cool things. The guy behind you in the Starbucks line, buy him coffee. Let the guy merge wave. You know you're listening to somebody bitch about somebody else, and you instead of saying, yeah, you know what else I can't stand? Don't say anything or walk away or say you know what, I it's true about him, but you know what I do love about him. Blah blah blah. Just be changing air to be the force of goodness and love and light. Be that. Remember remember that you have the power. We have the power to make people. This is the Maya Angel quote. We have the power to make people feel all kinds of things. So knowing that we have that power.

Make them feel great, Yeah, deliberately like.

Make them feel great, Yeah, deliberately like.

It's your job, Like, well, what's my job? My job is to make people feel great. If you're out to dinner, server comes up to you, rather than just start in just saying how's your day, nobody asks servers that.

It's your job, Like, well, what's my job? My job is to make people feel great. If you're out to dinner, server comes up to you, rather than just start in just saying how's your day, nobody asks servers that.

Right, It's more about what can you do for me? One of the overall messages I believe about when we're operating from our best place is that is truly probably our most authentic place. So I want to know why is that so attractive? Why do you think authenticity is such a big attractor? Because I'm seeing it on a cultural level. We're so oversaturated and the things that seem to be shining out differently are the things that are the most authentic.

Right, It's more about what can you do for me? One of the overall messages I believe about when we're operating from our best place is that is truly probably our most authentic place. So I want to know why is that so attractive? Why do you think authenticity is such a big attractor? Because I'm seeing it on a cultural level. We're so oversaturated and the things that seem to be shining out differently are the things that are the most authentic.

Authenticity is an attractor like many other virtuous qualities, and the questions why are they all attractors? They stimulate different parts of our being, probably from an evolutionary point of view, to say that's good for you. Those berries will kill you, Those berries are good for you. Okay, So vulnerability is an attractor. Compassion is an attractor, Gratitude is an attractor. Authenticity is an attractor. Love is an attractor. When you feel genuine love from another human being, It's like, I don't know why I feel that way. Well, that's why. I don't know why specifically authenticity is, or specifically why vulnerability or compassion or gratitude or generosity. But I know these virtues are heliotrope. We like people who are this way. All humans like people who are generous and authentic and vulnerable and grateful. So huh what is that? It's like, well, why does a flower, the fragrance of a flower generally smell delightful to us humans? I don't know, but you know they do, but it just does. Why does garbage or putrid, putrid smells, rotting flesh smell, Well, it's from an evolutionary perspective. Stay away from that, right, probably designed to keep us alive. Don't go near putrid smell bad idea, Go to fragrance, Go where the love is, right, go where the juice is. And I think these qualities are where the love is, where the juices, vulnerability, authenticity, gratitude, compassion, curiosity, those are all qualities. They're like, ooh, I love that. Yeah, so does everybody. So cultivate that. What we mean by cultivate generosity, be generous. Hold the door is generous. Give someone a blessing or a smile, that's generous. Buy somebody a cup of coffee. Well, now you're talking money, Okay, okay, don't so don't buy them a coffee, you know, yeah, how do you? You know? Gratitude is such a lovely quality. When someone says I really appreciate you, it's both nice, thank you, but it also is it's nice that you can appreciate Yeah, I know, and express it. So I like universal truths and and I want to draft on the back wheel of universal truths. What is it about enlightened, wonderful, magnificent people that we are all attract to. Oh I want to be like that?

Authenticity is an attractor like many other virtuous qualities, and the questions why are they all attractors? They stimulate different parts of our being, probably from an evolutionary point of view, to say that's good for you. Those berries will kill you, Those berries are good for you. Okay, So vulnerability is an attractor. Compassion is an attractor, Gratitude is an attractor. Authenticity is an attractor. Love is an attractor. When you feel genuine love from another human being, It's like, I don't know why I feel that way. Well, that's why. I don't know why specifically authenticity is, or specifically why vulnerability or compassion or gratitude or generosity. But I know these virtues are heliotrope. We like people who are this way. All humans like people who are generous and authentic and vulnerable and grateful. So huh what is that? It's like, well, why does a flower, the fragrance of a flower generally smell delightful to us humans? I don't know, but you know they do, but it just does. Why does garbage or putrid, putrid smells, rotting flesh smell, Well, it's from an evolutionary perspective. Stay away from that, right, probably designed to keep us alive. Don't go near putrid smell bad idea, Go to fragrance, Go where the love is, right, go where the juice is. And I think these qualities are where the love is, where the juices, vulnerability, authenticity, gratitude, compassion, curiosity, those are all qualities. They're like, ooh, I love that. Yeah, so does everybody. So cultivate that. What we mean by cultivate generosity, be generous. Hold the door is generous. Give someone a blessing or a smile, that's generous. Buy somebody a cup of coffee. Well, now you're talking money, Okay, okay, don't so don't buy them a coffee, you know, yeah, how do you? You know? Gratitude is such a lovely quality. When someone says I really appreciate you, it's both nice, thank you, but it also is it's nice that you can appreciate Yeah, I know, and express it. So I like universal truths and and I want to draft on the back wheel of universal truths. What is it about enlightened, wonderful, magnificent people that we are all attract to. Oh I want to be like that?

Yeah right, good?

Yeah right, good?

Do that good.

Do that good.

It's just a positive effect again, all over again.

It's just a positive effect again, all over again.

All over again, uplifting goodness and the edge thing again, I don't know what your your podcast is genuine. I mean the velvet edge. I like the velvet. I'd put the velvet over the edge just because I don't want that edge part, which you're correct, about I heard this great quote. We all everyone has a scar in the exact shape of someone's words. You know that edge that you speak of on your podcast. It can be nasty. I want people to be very mindful of our edges up plural, so that I don't cut you, I don't make you bleed, I don't hurt you, even if it's inadvertently. Now, the question often comes out, well, how do you hold people accountable and how do you get your kids to do X, Y and Z and idio. Well, you can just you know, loving and demanding and straightforward and respectful and direct.

All over again, uplifting goodness and the edge thing again, I don't know what your your podcast is genuine. I mean the velvet edge. I like the velvet. I'd put the velvet over the edge just because I don't want that edge part, which you're correct, about I heard this great quote. We all everyone has a scar in the exact shape of someone's words. You know that edge that you speak of on your podcast. It can be nasty. I want people to be very mindful of our edges up plural, so that I don't cut you, I don't make you bleed, I don't hurt you, even if it's inadvertently. Now, the question often comes out, well, how do you hold people accountable and how do you get your kids to do X, Y and Z and idio. Well, you can just you know, loving and demanding and straightforward and respectful and direct.

I was just going to use that word. I have actually found that the more direct and honest I am in a kind way, the more people trust me. It's so interesting how it all seems to work together, because I think we walk on eggshells so many times, so afraid to say our truth to people. But it's because we only put the truth in this category of harshness, and there are always ways to deliver it kindly.

I was just going to use that word. I have actually found that the more direct and honest I am in a kind way, the more people trust me. It's so interesting how it all seems to work together, because I think we walk on eggshells so many times, so afraid to say our truth to people. But it's because we only put the truth in this category of harshness, and there are always ways to deliver it kindly.

Thank you the last sentence underline and hope your listeners get which is well she said to be direct. She said, there's ways to deliver a direct message kindly. Well, how do you know whether you do that in the person you're speaking to, they receive it and go all right, Okay, I hear you. That's fair, Okay, I got it. Not I love we told me. Someone might say thank you for being that direct, good, You're welcome, and some might just say got it. We're in the business of helping people be better people, right, and I'm a people. I want to be better people. It's not like I've got it together. I'm I'm good. I want to be good. I want to be gooder.

Thank you the last sentence underline and hope your listeners get which is well she said to be direct. She said, there's ways to deliver a direct message kindly. Well, how do you know whether you do that in the person you're speaking to, they receive it and go all right, Okay, I hear you. That's fair, Okay, I got it. Not I love we told me. Someone might say thank you for being that direct, good, You're welcome, and some might just say got it. We're in the business of helping people be better people, right, and I'm a people. I want to be better people. It's not like I've got it together. I'm I'm good. I want to be good. I want to be gooder.

Right, It's a constant evolution. Okay, Well, so we're attracting all these people because we're so positive and we're using all these tools. Obviously, you are in relationship at that point because you've got people around you everywhere, So whether that's work, romantic friendship, all of that. I know that you have three tips for keeping relationships cool, which we kind of touched on. It's just some of them now. But I need to know these tips because I think my listeners are always wanting to learn how to be better in relationship, and I just figure you might have some really good ones.

Right, It's a constant evolution. Okay, Well, so we're attracting all these people because we're so positive and we're using all these tools. Obviously, you are in relationship at that point because you've got people around you everywhere, So whether that's work, romantic friendship, all of that. I know that you have three tips for keeping relationships cool, which we kind of touched on. It's just some of them now. But I need to know these tips because I think my listeners are always wanting to learn how to be better in relationship, and I just figure you might have some really good ones.

Well, first of all, I don't know that I have three Oh, I mean I.

Well, first of all, I don't know that I have three Oh, I mean I.

Mean how many, however many.

Mean how many, however many.

Infinite infinite Okay. The way to think about all your relationships, depending on who they are, there's so many ways to pour into them goodness and not not pour into them badness as salt, obnoxious comments or behaviors that make their life worse. So anything that we can do that uplifts and helps the other is fantastic. Do more of it. So when you notice what you do with your relationships that work out well that the other goes, wow, thank you, sweete. I appreciate that. Kelly, you make a mental note ooh, do more of that. I know what to do now, and then just make a mental note of anything that we do that makes the other person feel good or say thank you. Go ooh. There's another one in the list, and they're pretty basic. Do what you mean, what you say, say what you mean, don't say it mean, don't say anything cutting. Always look to be helpful. When something irritates you, decide is this worth bringing up and talking about or should I let it go? I don't know. You can think about it and if it's worth bringing up, do what you just did in a kind and direct way, Say that doesn't work for me, and so the infinite ways, and all you're interested in is getting that relationship more better, improving it. You know, there's you know the you know the love languages. Those are just five categories, right, gifts, words of praise, acts of service, quality time.

Infinite infinite Okay. The way to think about all your relationships, depending on who they are, there's so many ways to pour into them goodness and not not pour into them badness as salt, obnoxious comments or behaviors that make their life worse. So anything that we can do that uplifts and helps the other is fantastic. Do more of it. So when you notice what you do with your relationships that work out well that the other goes, wow, thank you, sweete. I appreciate that. Kelly, you make a mental note ooh, do more of that. I know what to do now, and then just make a mental note of anything that we do that makes the other person feel good or say thank you. Go ooh. There's another one in the list, and they're pretty basic. Do what you mean, what you say, say what you mean, don't say it mean, don't say anything cutting. Always look to be helpful. When something irritates you, decide is this worth bringing up and talking about or should I let it go? I don't know. You can think about it and if it's worth bringing up, do what you just did in a kind and direct way, Say that doesn't work for me, and so the infinite ways, and all you're interested in is getting that relationship more better, improving it. You know, there's you know the you know the love languages. Those are just five categories, right, gifts, words of praise, acts of service, quality time.

And physical touch.

And physical touch.

With physical touch, thank you so well, what kind of physical you can do?

With physical touch, thank you so well, what kind of physical you can do?

A million?

A million?

Physically? Can I give you a background? Can I give you a foot? Rub, holding hand? Just just well, the those are five different physical touches. What do you what kind of acts of service? Let me? Let me?

Physically? Can I give you a background? Can I give you a foot? Rub, holding hand? Just just well, the those are five different physical touches. What do you what kind of acts of service? Let me? Let me?

Let me do the dishes, right, take the out, make the budget whatever.

Let me do the dishes, right, take the out, make the budget whatever.

They're infinite. Well, what kind of gifts they're infinite? Yeah, and the words of praise, Oh my god, well, which ones the ones that will make him or her say, oh, thank you, that was so sweet? Oh that's really oh you you don't need to say that. You don't need to do that, you know, Yeah, of course you don't need to. That's why you're doing it, not because you need to. It's like looking at a plant and you go, what does that plant need? It needs water, needs sunlight, it needs fertilizer, It needs a steak so that it doesn't fall over. It needs a bigger pot. Now, all of those different things are because you look at the plant and you go, what does it need? I think it's pretty healthy, good water, regularly, give it a little fertilizer, make sure you put it in the sun. Temperature okay, how's the humidity whatever. No different for human beings, and the tinier the better. Don't overthink. Just do the tiniest sweet thing, like tell a loved one how much you appreciate them and why. I mean, as long as you're direct and kind and don't say you know you're a lot better than you used to be.

They're infinite. Well, what kind of gifts they're infinite? Yeah, and the words of praise, Oh my god, well, which ones the ones that will make him or her say, oh, thank you, that was so sweet? Oh that's really oh you you don't need to say that. You don't need to do that, you know, Yeah, of course you don't need to. That's why you're doing it, not because you need to. It's like looking at a plant and you go, what does that plant need? It needs water, needs sunlight, it needs fertilizer, It needs a steak so that it doesn't fall over. It needs a bigger pot. Now, all of those different things are because you look at the plant and you go, what does it need? I think it's pretty healthy, good water, regularly, give it a little fertilizer, make sure you put it in the sun. Temperature okay, how's the humidity whatever. No different for human beings, and the tinier the better. Don't overthink. Just do the tiniest sweet thing, like tell a loved one how much you appreciate them and why. I mean, as long as you're direct and kind and don't say you know you're a lot better than you used to be.

Right, don't use it as a time to be passive aggressed exactly.

Right, don't use it as a time to be passive aggressed exactly.

I mean we say that like it's like everyone should already know that, but some people. I once did an exercise where you had to ask someone who knew you, well, what are your unique wonderful qualities? Not as an ego boost, but as a as a way of having someone else articulate in absolute, specific terms the things that make you great. And it's a wonderful exercise because you can then go, yeah, good, I can I do that. One woman I asked my podcast producer and she said, well, you invest in people's vision in a really authentic way that makes them believe that they can do it. I thought, that's a beautiful thing to say, thank you. I do do that and I appreciate she said that, but it made me realize I could do that more. I could way do that more, and it's great. So I asked once. This is many years ago, I asked a person of one of my great qualities, you know, what makes me great or something, and this person took it as an opportunity to rip me a new one. And it was like, holy what. I realized in that moment that he had a lot of baggage that he wanted to unload on me, right, and this was a moment where he did. I only bring this up because sometimes people are unaware of it and like you say, we can be passive aggressive and it's wrong on it every level. And if it happens, you got to call it out, like like, hey, it seems like you've got a lot of stuff there, buddy, what's going on?

I mean we say that like it's like everyone should already know that, but some people. I once did an exercise where you had to ask someone who knew you, well, what are your unique wonderful qualities? Not as an ego boost, but as a as a way of having someone else articulate in absolute, specific terms the things that make you great. And it's a wonderful exercise because you can then go, yeah, good, I can I do that. One woman I asked my podcast producer and she said, well, you invest in people's vision in a really authentic way that makes them believe that they can do it. I thought, that's a beautiful thing to say, thank you. I do do that and I appreciate she said that, but it made me realize I could do that more. I could way do that more, and it's great. So I asked once. This is many years ago, I asked a person of one of my great qualities, you know, what makes me great or something, and this person took it as an opportunity to rip me a new one. And it was like, holy what. I realized in that moment that he had a lot of baggage that he wanted to unload on me, right, and this was a moment where he did. I only bring this up because sometimes people are unaware of it and like you say, we can be passive aggressive and it's wrong on it every level. And if it happens, you got to call it out, like like, hey, it seems like you've got a lot of stuff there, buddy, what's going on?

Like right direct behind see you just you did it exactly. Yeah. I love that idea of do more. So you notice the thing, you get the feedback that it's positive for someone else, do it more. Just more. It's that simple.

Like right direct behind see you just you did it exactly. Yeah. I love that idea of do more. So you notice the thing, you get the feedback that it's positive for someone else, do it more. Just more. It's that simple.

It's that simple. Yeah, that hard. I thought about writing a thirty first chapter, which is this stuff is so easy, it's easy to not do.

It's that simple. Yeah, that hard. I thought about writing a thirty first chapter, which is this stuff is so easy, it's easy to not do.

I agree with that. That'll be our thirty first chapter.

I agree with that. That'll be our thirty first chapter.

It's going to be our thirty first chapter. You're going to talk about this so that we can help more people get it. Yeah, it is easy, and therefore it's easy to not do. Yeah, and therefore you know people can live great lives. This will make your life greater, Like I live a great life. I like that this has made my life greater. Yeah, I don't complain as much. I am not as sarcastic and cutting. I don't gossip about other people as much. I refrain, I refrain from joining negative fray. I'm way better as a husband. I'm a better friend. And I'm not saying that the brag. I just know that I am just from I'm behaving more better.

It's going to be our thirty first chapter. You're going to talk about this so that we can help more people get it. Yeah, it is easy, and therefore it's easy to not do. Yeah, and therefore you know people can live great lives. This will make your life greater, Like I live a great life. I like that this has made my life greater. Yeah, I don't complain as much. I am not as sarcastic and cutting. I don't gossip about other people as much. I refrain, I refrain from joining negative fray. I'm way better as a husband. I'm a better friend. And I'm not saying that the brag. I just know that I am just from I'm behaving more better.

Yeah. I'm sure you're getting the feedback that it's more better as well.

Yeah. I'm sure you're getting the feedback that it's more better as well.

I think so. Yeah.

I think so. Yeah.

Yeah, Well, the book is be the Sun not the Salt. And I know you just mentioned your podcast producer. You also have started a podcast under the same name. Can you tell us a little bit about the podcast.

Yeah, Well, the book is be the Sun not the Salt. And I know you just mentioned your podcast producer. You also have started a podcast under the same name. Can you tell us a little bit about the podcast.

Yes, the podcast Be the Sun Not the Salt. We have guests on who are exemplars who embody these principles and have interesting stories and hopefully we'll inspire and equip and remind the listeners to be their best selves more often. We also do five and ten minute little gentle nudges sort of based on that, sort of based on the chapter, like okay, let's do today's chapter hold the Salt. Here's our take on what this means. I hope you find this helpful, so short versions of the whole book so that we can get more people, and maybe you can be on our podcast.

Yes, the podcast Be the Sun Not the Salt. We have guests on who are exemplars who embody these principles and have interesting stories and hopefully we'll inspire and equip and remind the listeners to be their best selves more often. We also do five and ten minute little gentle nudges sort of based on that, sort of based on the chapter, like okay, let's do today's chapter hold the Salt. Here's our take on what this means. I hope you find this helpful, so short versions of the whole book so that we can get more people, and maybe you can be on our podcast.

Kellen, I would love that. Well, just to wrap it up for the listeners, I am going to put the link to the book, and I'm assuming the podcast can be found wherever you listen to podcasts. Yes where else could people keep up with you if they're interesting and following you this son?

Kellen, I would love that. Well, just to wrap it up for the listeners, I am going to put the link to the book, and I'm assuming the podcast can be found wherever you listen to podcasts. Yes where else could people keep up with you if they're interesting and following you this son?

I love that you asked Be the Sun Notothsalt dot com. We've put lots of free videos and every podcast like this on our website. There's lots of resources. We try and create more ways to nudge and remind people. Merchandise, little books and t shirts and coffee months and notebooks to help people, and podcasts and videos and free tips and newsletters, all to help us be our best selves more often.

I love that you asked Be the Sun Notothsalt dot com. We've put lots of free videos and every podcast like this on our website. There's lots of resources. We try and create more ways to nudge and remind people. Merchandise, little books and t shirts and coffee months and notebooks to help people, and podcasts and videos and free tips and newsletters, all to help us be our best selves more often.

I love it. I'm going to keep it by my bed and read in the mornings. It's so yeah, it's just tangible tips, like you guys know I always talk about. So thank you so much for being here. It was so lovely to meet you, and I'm very glad I found your book.

I love it. I'm going to keep it by my bed and read in the mornings. It's so yeah, it's just tangible tips, like you guys know I always talk about. So thank you so much for being here. It was so lovely to meet you, and I'm very glad I found your book.

Thank you, Kelly.

Thank you, Kelly.

Thank you guys so much for listening.

Thank you guys so much for listening.

Thanks for listening to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson, where we believe everyone has a little velvet in a little edge. Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.

Thanks for listening to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson, where we believe everyone has a little velvet in a little edge. Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.