We treat discipline and willpower like a magic potion we have to find before we're allowed to start and then we either spend our time reading and listening about the thing we're still not doing, or give up because we're sure we don't have it. But the people we call disciplined don't feel like it either; they've just learned to carry the discomfort and act on what matters anyway. This week, why the "willpower fuel tank" idea doesn't hold up, why some of us start with more of a head start than others, and why the skill underneath it all — psychological flexibility — is something you can train.

Carly is a counsellor and coach who specialises in building psychological hardiness — the ability to navigate challenge, stay engaged, and take meaningful action under pressure. Her work integrates modern psychology with Eastern and Stoic approaches, helping people build resilience, live with purpose, and respond to life’s challenges with greater clarity, courage and steadiness.